If Differences Were Strengths NaNo 2023

“KALEB LEVILLO! I am not saying it again!” screamed my Mother from downstairs. I sighed. I did not want to be doing this today, saying goodbye. Maybe the longer I stayed up here, avoiding them all, they would stay and realize they couldn’t live without me. I didn’t move a muscle, continuing to hope and pray they’d stay. Looking around my room, I could feel all the memories swarming around. Just another reason for me to use to beg them to stay.
“Come on, Kaleb! They are about to leave!” I heard her shout from the foot of the stairs once again. Today was the day my siblings, Mila and Declan (we’re triplets), were leaving to take part in a program designed for teenagers who are ahead of practically everyone else their age. Declan is going to Europe, places like Latvia, Hungary, and Lithuania. Mila is going to Uruguay and Ecuador. While my siblings are incredibly smarter than me, I’ll be staying behind at home enjoying the very last day before the sophomore year starts tomorrow. I sighed again and forced myself to stand. I heard their muffled talking from where I stood frozen on the stairs, forgetting how to move. Maybe if I don’t come down, they’ll stay. I’m not ready for them to go. Fifteen years we’ve spent together, and today it’s all gone. Are they ready for that? Am I ready for that?
“Today, Kaleb! Don’t keep them waiting!” I came back to earth and continued down the stairs. My Mother met me at the foot of the stairs still wearing the black dress. That black dress. The one she’s been wearing for five months. I remember how it used to perfectly fit her, how it fell over her pale skin. Now the dress hangs loose over her. It almost makes her look sickly. The black of the dress makes her skin paler and the form of the dress makes her look like a skeleton. Maybe she is a skeleton. She’s been so distant these last months; she’s become a ghost of herself. When I hit the cold floor downstairs, I can barely look at my family. I somehow manage to meet their eyes and I nearly burst into tears when I look at them. Mila looks so… mature. Her long and thick brown hair is highlighted with blonde and her bands are spread evenly over her forehead. Her impossibly dark eyes are wide and she looks ready. Ready for the years she’ll spend away. I turn to Declan and somehow am surprised to see him looking just as mature and ready. His normally curly dark brown hair has been gelled and appears black with the lighting. His hazel eyes are set firmly on an emotion I can only describe as prepared. Their bags are set at their feet, ready for them to take out the door.
“You’re sure?” I ask them suddenly.
“Yeah. We’ve been ready for a while,” murmured Declan.
“Reyli will be here in six minutes,” says Mila. She’s always been very prompt and on time.
“Six minutes?” I cry, surprised to hear that I have exactly six minutes left with my family.
“You would have had longer with them if you had woken up on time,” says my Mother sharply.
“I know but… six minutes? Can’t it be longer?”
“You’ve had us around for fifteen years; aren’t you sick of us?” joked Mila. I tense up immediately. “I could never be sick of you!” I say. It’s true. My siblings and I have always been close, never pausing to despise one another.
“You say that now…,” muttered Declan jokingly. I gaped at the two of them. How could they act like nothing was changing? Everything was changing.
“What are your plans when you arrive?” I asked the two of them to change the subject.
“Aunt Katrina will pick me up at the airport in Uruguay and we will drive to our hotel. The next day we will go into the city for the convention,” answered Mila.
“And you promise you’ll brush up on your Spanish and Portuguese in the car?” my Mother asked. Mila replied with a nod. She’s been working to perfect all her Spanish dialects since she was seven and Portuguese since she was nine. Her most recent focus has been on Italian. Declan, however, had yet to learn any languages that would do him any good in Europe no matter how much our Mother tried to convince him to. The sharp sound of a car horn blasted from outside.
“That would be Reyli,” remarked Mila. Declan twisted to look out the front window. I felt my stomach leap to my throat before dropping down to my feet.
“Already?” I whispered.
“It’s been six minutes,” Declan reminded me after he turned around.
“But-” My Mother cut me off before I could finish.
“Kaleb, be happy for your siblings. They get to accomplish amazing things now that they are part of the program. Say goodbye to them,” she commanded. Mila stepped forward first and hugged my Mother. When she turned to me her face was still set in stone. There was no way I could convince her to stay.
“You’re sure?” I whispered against her head when she hugged me.
“I’m sure.” At that moment, Mila felt so young. She couldn’t be doing this. She wasn’t ready. Or… was it just that I wasn’t ready?
“Hurry up, Mila. Declan still needs to say goodbye,” my Mother interrupted again. Mila pulled away and lifted her bag from the ground.
“Bye, Kaleb. I’ll miss you,” she said, hand lifted in a wave. She walked out the door as Declan was saying goodbye to Mom. I tried to keep my hands from shaking as he came towards me.
“You want to do this?” I said suddenly. “This isn’t just Mila’s dream, right?” I was so desperate for him to stay. He was my brother. I couldn’t say goodbye to him.
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s for the best.” The best? What was that supposed to mean? Before I could reply, he stepped back and grabbed his bag in one swift motion.
“Bye, mom. Bye, Kaleb.” He started to walk out the door, but Mom called after him.
“Declan! You have your box, right?” Declan froze and so did I. The Box.
“Yeah,” he said, his voice breaking. “I’ve got it.” He ran out of the door without another word. Mom turned on her heel, clearly not wanting to watch the car pull away. I stood there in silence while Reyli pulled out of the driveway and drove down the street. I watched Mila talking animatedly to Reyli and Declan laughing in the back. They were so happy to be leaving. Would I be that happy one day? Or would I remain in this illusion of a life? I turned and walked back up the stairs to my room. I came to a sudden stop when I passed the three pictures on the wall. The first was my Dad and I. I was tiny and fragile. My skin was so pale it was translucent. The breathing tube in my nose was the only thing keeping me alive. I move on to the second. Mila, Declan, and I all stand in a straight line side by side at our fifth-grade graduation. Mom and Dad were standing proudly on the sides. The third and final one is the only one where Dad wasn’t standing physically next to my siblings and me. We are waist-deep in the gray-blue ocean of Norway. We all wear black. Our Mother is hidden from sight, but I know she’s standing on the beach. We all hold a wooden box in our hands engraved with different phrases. Mila’s reads: His legacy engraved in our hearts. Declan’s box says: For forever he stays unforgettable. Mine states: You will be found, so defy gravity for forever. My breath hitches after my eyes fall on the last picture. I remember when he said all those words.
“You’ll rise again,” I whispered, remembering one of the last things he said to me. My Dad and I were always close. On day one when I was born, he wouldn’t leave my side after I was hooked up to the breathing machine and had my surgery. When my Dad got sick, my whole life was ruined. He always had such a positive outlook on life. One day when he was sitting in his wheelchair he looked over at me and told me: “You will be found, so defy gravity forever.” The next day he was back in the hospital. Eight days later he was dead. That’s when I started to only wear that black dress. That’s when my life became officially ruined. I shook my head to shake all the tearful memories from my mind. I closed the door to my room as softly as possible before launching myself onto my bed. My eyes were stunned as I tried to keep the tears from pouring out and drowning me. My phone started to buzz on the nightstand next to my bed. I lifted my head and looked over it. The screen showed a text from my best- and only- friend, Toria. I sat up and picked the phone up. Toria was texting frantically.
Coffee?? The text read.
My cousin Delaiah is over so she can drive us! The second said.
Can my neighbor come?? He’s new and doesn’t know anyone yet!
Sure. What time? I typed before she could say anything else.
You sound too stiff. Were you talking to your mom? Toria asked, ignoring my question.
Yeah. And Declan and Mila. So what time?
Oh yeah! I forgot two of my favorite triplets were leaving today!
Toria! What time?! I texted, trying to get her back on track.
Right, sorry. I’ll be over in ten. Okay if my neighbor comes?
Yeah. I said. I closed the messages and threw on some regular clothes: A plain white T-shirt, black jeans, and black tennis shoes. I ran down the stairs just in time to see Delaiah pulling into the driveway.
“MOM! I’m going with Victoria to get coffee!” I shouted. Mom always refuses to call Toria by her nickname. She says nicknames are for those who do not like the name their parents worked hard to pick out. I’ve tried explaining to her that Toria doesn’t want to have the same name as her dead great-aunt, but she doesn’t listen.
“Who’s driving?” she called back.
“Her cousin!” I yelled and quickly slipped out the door. I hurried to the silver minivan with Delaiah at the wheel and Toria in the front seat. I opened the back door and saw, in the seat next to mine, a boy with bleached hair. I froze, forgetting how to move.
“Hurry up, Kaleb,” snapped Toria in her usual bitter mood. I crossed my eyes and stuck my tongue at her jokingly before climbing in the car.
“I’m Austin,” the boy- Austin- greeted me from his seat.
“Kaleb,” I told him with a warm smile.
“I know, Toria told me.”
“Oh, right. That would make sense. She said you’re neighbors?” I said, partially unsure why I asked if they were neighbors. Of course, they were, why else would he be in the car with us?
“Everyone good if I start driving?” Delaiah asked from the front seat of the car.
“Go ahead. We’re good back here,” Austin answered with a thumbs up. Delaiah grinned and gave him a thumbs up back. The car backed down the driveway and I turned to Austin.
“So, Austin, where are you from?” I asked.
“Michigan. But I was born in Texas, hence the name Austin,” he told me.
“Cool! And you're a sophomore like Toria and me?” I asked, fascinated by this bleach-blond boy.
“Yeah. Though I am a bit short for my age. You’ll see when we get out of the car.”
“Don’t worry- I’m pretty short too. Toria looks like a giant next to me!” I joked. Toria whipped around in her seat.
“Don’t you dare call me a giant,” she warned, eyes narrow and eyebrows furrowed.
“Yeah, probably not the best choice of words. Sorry, Tor,” I said.
“Uh-uh. Not Tor, not Victoria, just Toria. Call me that again I dare you. Plain and simple,” she threatened. I gulped and noticed Austin next to me trying not to laugh at Toria’s very real threats.
“Sorry,” I said quickly. The rest of the ride to the coffee shop was pretty quiet with the occasional sound of feet shifting.
“What are you getting?” Toria asked, turning around to face us.
“Plain, boiling, black coffee,” I told her. Toria turned her nose up, disgusted.
“I forgot you're boring and don’t like to drink anything good,” she muttered.
“I like it!” I cried defensively.
“I think it sounds decent,” said Austin.
“UGH! No, it doesn’t! I’ve tried it before- it’s horrible!” I glanced down. I didn’t like black coffee. I thought it was disgusting. My Dad loved it though. He’d be drinking it in the mornings when I came downstairs and when he’d get home from work. He told me he wasn’t interested in all that sugar and chemicals being poured into him from the coffee, so he kept it plain. No milk, no sugar, just boiling coffee. He tried hard to keep his body from absorbing anything that could get him sick, and for a while it worked, but then it was as if all the sickness he had kept from destroying him came back combined into one big, horrible illness. His spinal cord was attacked first. His brain stopped being able to send the necessary signals down to his legs and he ended up in a wheelchair. He was never angry though. He always had a smile and was always so positive. The only time he looked upset was when he was sleeping.
“Austin? How about you?” Toria asked, tearing me from my thoughts. I watched him tilt his head up slightly in thought.
“Black coffee, like Kaleb,” he said, smiling at me.
“Ew- what’s wrong with you two?” Toria shrieked, interrupting us from smiling at each other.
“Nothing. We’re just experimenting with new types of coffee,” I said.
“So, you're weird?” she said with a grin. Toria might seem like a rude and horrible person, but she’s funny and nice.
“You know it!” I stuck my tongue out and turned my head a bit to the side and crossed my eyes again to show her just how weird I could be.
“Hey! Orders!” Delaiah commanded us.
“Two plain black coffees- gross- and one pumpkin cinnamon spice mocha,” Toria told her. Delaiah turned and ordered through the drive-through window, repeating what Toria said exactly. I stifled a laugh subtly, holding my hand up to my mouth to block my grin. I glanced over at Austin, who was watching me and trying not to laugh as well. We made eye contact and our smiles only grew. What was happening? I thought. I turned away and looked out the window. Why was I smiling so big? Why was I laughing so much? Toria noticed too and she turned to face me. Her eyebrows were raised in question as her eyes met mine.
What? I mouthed at her.
Why are you acting weird? She hissed softly through her teeth.
“I am not!” I said, much louder than I meant.
“Everything okay?” asked Austin. I offered him a clenched smile.
“Yep. Everything is just great.”
“Great….” His voice trailed off like he was confused and couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Coffees,” Delaiah announced from the front seat. I looked over and saw Delaiah handing me a cup of coffee.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the coffee.
“You welcome,” she answered once all the coffees were handed out. I tipped the cup back and let the white-hot liquid pour down my throat.
“Ah!” Austin exclaimed next to me, throwing his cup in the cupholder next to him like it was a hot potato.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“It’s so hot!” he cried.
“I told you it would be!” Toria reminded him in a singsong voice.
“Whatever,” Austin mumbled.
“Sorry; I probably should have warned you that the baristas are cutthroat when it comes to coffee temperatures. You’ll get used to it after a while though,” I told him.
“It’s not horrible, the heat just burns your mouth and eliminates all of the taste,” Austin said, tipping his head thoughtfully, the same way he had done when he was deep in thought.
“Perfect for the two of you since you seem to love having your mouths filled with third-degree burns,” commented Toria. I noticed Delaiah who couldn’t seem to help laughing.
“Shouldn’t you be focusing on the road and not whatever comments Toria has about our coffees?” I said to her.
“Probably,” Delaiah called over her shoulder.
“Everyone excited for tomorrow?” Austin asked Toria and I.
“Yeah, I guess. Sophomore year is supposed to be exciting but who knows. My siblings won’t be there with me this year for the very first time,” I said, making the mistake of mentioning Declan and Mila. I felt the hot rush of a sob come from the back of my mind, but I did my best to focus on Austin.
“Oh, did they graduate?” Austin asked curiously.
“No, we’re triplets, they should be starting school with me tomorrow but they are part of this program for geniuses.”
“You're a triplet? That’s cool!” he said, somewhat disbelievingly.
“Yeah,” I muttered.
“Austin, what’s your schedule like?” Toria asked, suddenly changing the topic. I shot her a grateful look. I didn’t want to talk about my siblings yet. I wasn’t ready to talk about them leaving.
“I’ll send you a picture. Kaleb, can I get your number? To send you my schedule?” he asked me. I couldn’t help but notice how he added the last part about sending me his schedule fast like it was an afterthought. Was it an afterthought? I couldn’t help but think.
“Yeah, here it is,” I said, holding my phone out for him to see. He lifted his hand a bit and tilted the screen a bit. When his hand brushed me, I yanked my hand away, startled by the touch.
“Sorry,” I said, squinting my eyes in a cringe.
“No, it’s fine,” Austin said quickly and typed my number in just as fast. “Got it. Thanks.”
“Hello? People? Schedules?” Toria said, sounding the words out long and slow like a whale’s cry.
“Right, sorry. I just sent both of you mine,” Austin said. I looked down to see a text appearing on the screen. Austin. I clicked on the image and looked through his classes.
“We- we have all our classes together,” I said, a bit surprised. I had never had all my classes with a friend before, not even Toria.
“Really? That’s great!” said Austin happily.
“Science and homeroom with Austin- well, I guess both of you since you have the same schedules,” said Toria. There was something in her voice that felt… jealous. Or had she always sounded like that? The edge felt unusual, like when you move and have to adjust to your new surroundings. While my mind focused on dissecting what the sharp blade of Toria’s voice meant, my ears listened to Toria and Austin plan their first-day outfits.
“I’m wearing my black pleated skirt, black Nirvana shirt with the fishnet sleeves- you know what I’m talking about- and my combat boots. And to top it all off I’ll have my earrings in. What do you think? Too much for the first day?” Toria asked Delaiah and Austin.
“No! It’s perfect!” said Austin.
“Eh, I don’t know. It might be a little too dark and goth,” Delaiah overlapped.
“Kaleb, deciding vote, what do you think?” Toria asked, turning to me.
“Oh, I don’t know. I wasn’t listening. Sure, sounds perfect,” I mumbled.
“Great. Austin, what are you wearing?” Toria moved on with the conversation, bringing it to Austin.
“I’ll probably just figure it out in the morning-” Delaiah cut him off before he could finish.
“NO! Not!” she cried. “People that figure it out in the morning look rushed and messy and that is inexcusable! You have to choose when you get home!” Delaiah turned to me for backup.
“Sorry, Austin, but I have to agree. Deciding at the last second isn’t a good look.” Austin’s face had turned pink like strawberry lemonade with embarrassment.
“I could come over and help you plan it out if you want?” I suggested.
“Yeah, that works. Do you think you could come over to my house right now? Like when Delaiah drops us off?” he asked.
“Sure.”
“Can I come?” Toria butted in.
“I- Austin, what do you think?” I said, finding it wasn’t my place to invite her to Austin’s house.
“I guess,” Austin told her. Why did he sound disappointed? Did he not want Toria to be there? I turned to the window and focused on the passing trees until we pulled into Austin’s driveway.
“It’s still a pretty big mess,” Austin warned us as we stepped out of the car.
“Thank you, Delaiah!” I called through the closing door, remembering the manners my Mom had always worked so hard to imply. She waved me inside and turned into the street. Austin held the door open for me patiently.
“Thanks. So, where should we plan? Are all your clothes in your room?” I asked, glancing up the cluttered stairs.
“My room,” he answered as he started to jump around the boxes set all over the carpeted stairs. Toria ran after him with no care whatsoever for the mess. She could have fallen and broken her neck! I wanted to scream, but instead, I carefully stepped my way around the boxes and met Austin in his room. Toria was running up and down the hallway, poking her head in every door. Austin didn’t call her into his room, instead, he opened his closet. I was pleasantly surprised to see a neat stack of folded pants and shirts with shoes organized at the bottom. I gaped at the perfectness of the closet while he turned and chuckled softly at the sight of my mouth open in shock.
“What?” he asked.
“It’s just- it’s so neat!” I said exasperated.
“Ha! If only my time in the closet so far was this organized and perfect,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What?” I suddenly found myself saying. “You mean….”
“Nothing,” he said quickly. “Let’s just pick out the clothes.” I tried not to focus on what he had said, and instead, I moved on to watching him pull some options from the shelf of the closet.
“How about this?” Austin suggested, holding up a short-sleeved shirt the color of lilacs. I tilted my head a bit and thought.
“What about….” I stepped forward and pulled a gray shirt with the words: Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do printed on it. “This.”
“Oh, I like that choice,” said Toria from the doorway.
“Excellent! I have my shirt choice!” Austin clapped giddily as he placed the shirt on a chair in the corner.
“I’ll take this one,” Toria said, cracking her knuckles as she looked around the closet for pants. Austin came over and joined me sitting cross-legged on his bed. He started to speak but Toria cut him off by throwing a pair of bright royal blue pants in his face. I tried hard not to laugh, but it was nearly impossible with his expression.
“There. You have an outfit.” Toria flopped down on the bed.
“Thanks,” Austin said, moving the pants to the chair with the shirt he had chosen.
“Do you want us to go-” I started to say but was interrupted by yelling.
“AUSTIN! DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS OVER?” cried a woman’s voice from downstairs.
“Yeah!” he shouted back.
“Send them home! You need to unpack!” the woman screamed.
“But-”
“NOW!” the voice pressed. Austin sighed and stood up.
“That’s my Mom yelling. You both need to go.”
“Want to go to my house?” Toria asked me.
“Sure.”
“Austin! I’m not joking, send them home NOW!” his Mom shouted again.
“They're going!” Toria and I hurried down the stairs as quickly as possible.
“Bye, Austin!” we yelled over our shoulders. He waved at us, lingering before going back to his room. Toria led me over the yard towards her house. She ran up the front steps ahead of me and swung the screen door open.
“Toria, I thought you went out for coffee,” said her mom, Madison, from the kitchen.
“Yeah, we finished,” Toria replied as she ran into the kitchen. I followed Toria and saw her little sister Kenna sitting on the worn couch playing with one of Toria’s old dolls. Madison had her dirty blonde hair up in a messy bun with her usual sweatpants and t-shirt.
“Hi, Madison,” I said.
“Kaleb!” I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” she cried happily.
“Toria, your Dad is coming by in twenty minutes to pick up you and Kenna for your last day of summer lunch,” Madison reminded her. Toria’s jaw noticeably tightened and her teeth clenched.
“No.” Toria’s mom and dad went through a pretty big divorce last year. She’s still very annoyed and upset about it and always refuses to talk about her Dad or her brother Evan who lives with her Dad.
“What?” Madison said. “Of course you’re going, that’s the agreement.” Toria crossed her arms while I still hung awkwardly in the back. Madison turned and motioned that it was okay for me to leave.
“No! What you say to me, you can say to him!” Toria screamed.
“Kaleb,” Madison said softly, “you can go.” I nodded and hurried to the front door. Just before I closed the door, I heard Toria crying. I poked my head back in and saw Kenna slipping upstairs to hide.
“Kenna,” I hissed. Her mouse brown hair caught in her face as she turned I could see tears dripping out of her gray eyes.
“Do you want to come with me? You can stay at my house,” I offered. Kenna turned and looked back inside the house before turning back and shaking her head.
“No, thanks.” She ran up the stairs without another word. I closed the door and sighed. I wished Toria was more open about what was going on.

Chapter Two

When I got back to my house, Mom was sitting at the table writing something down on a whiteboard.
“Mom?” I called.
“Hm?” she said without looking up.
“What’re you writing?” I asked, coming to sit by her at the table.
“Just some notes for when we clean out Mila and Declan’s rooms,” she said. What? Clean their rooms?
“Just to organize everything? We aren’t… this doesn’t mean they aren’t coming back, right?” I panicked.
“They’re coming back for the holidays,” she said, sounding confused about why I was asking that.
“But… they’ll still live with us, right?” I sounded desperate, so anxious about what she would tell me.
“No. The Europe branch of the program is agreeing to host Declan until he is an adult, and the South America part can house Mila every month except summer, which she was planning to spend with Aunt Katrina anyhow.” I felt my stomach leap around my body just like it had when they left for the town's big adventures.
“But- but they’re only fifteen! I’m only fifteen! They can’t just be on their own now!” I cried, trying to find an excuse for them to stay.
“Exactly, they’re fifteen. That means three years until they are considered adults. It’s time for them to start being more independent. I would have loved for you to be participating in the same program, but you didn’t work hard enough,” she said, changing the topic to affect me.
“Me? What does any of this have to do with me? We’re talking about Declan and Mila!” I cried. With a sigh, she said, “Go try to call them. I doubt they’ll answer, they’re probably busy, but it's worth a try.” I jumped from the table and ran upstairs to my room. I ignored the text messages on my screen and went right to calling Declan. There was no reply. It went straight to voicemail but I didn’t have the patience to leave a message. I tried calling Mila and the same voicemail notice repeated itself in my ear. I let out a gargled screech as I threw my phone against the pillow. A buzzing noise came from my phone, and I picked it back up quickly to see if it was Declan or Mila. Several texts from Toria and Austin were filling my phone. I opened the ones from Austin first.
Hey, sorry about my mom. She wanted the house to look like people had lived there for years, not days.
Do you want to come back over?
Or maybe I’ll see you on the bus tomorrow? I clicked on the keys to type a reply back to him.
Hey, Austin. I don’t know if I could come back over. I’m trying to reach out to my siblings right now, but I’ll see you on the bus tomorrow. I moved on to the texts from Toria.
Kaleb
Hello?
You can come back over!
Kaleb?? Hello??
Why are you so bad at answering texts? I grimaced and slowly began to type out a reply.
Hey, sorry I don’t think I’ll be able to come back over. The text bubbles appeared on my screen immediately.
Why? Is it because of the yelling? Kenna said you offered to let her crash at your house until we stopped fighting. I also convinced my mom not to make me go with my Dad! Yay! I didn’t respond to the text. She could so easily change the subject to be about herself. I sighed and leaned back on my bed. Another buzzing noise came from my phone and when I lifted it I saw it was Austin calling me. I couldn’t help but grin.
“Hey!” I said into the phone.
“Hi, so, um, Toria texted me saying you wouldn’t come over to her house because she got in a fight with her mom? What happened?” he asked.
“Toria was supposed to go with her Dad and her sister to go out for lunch since it’s the last day of summer, but she didn’t want to go and she got in a huge fight with her Mom and I left,” I said in one breath.
“Wow, and she got mad because you left? That’s not your fault, it was awkward and you wanted to leave.”
“Exactly!” I said a bit louder than I meant to.
“Kaleb? Everything okay up there? I heard yelling!” called Mom from downstairs.
“Yeah, it’s fine!” I called back, pulling the phone away from my ear so Austin didn’t have to hear me yell.
“-Remember when I lived in Michigan and I had a friend whose parents got a nasty divorce? He got sick and there were always fights about who visited him when,” Austin was saying when I put my phone back to my ear.
“That’s horrible. I mean, your kid is sick, why waste time arguing? What was he sick with?” He cleared his throat and I could feel the sadness and grief running through him.
“Brain cancer,” he murmured. “Stage four. He wasn’t himself for the last three months until he died.”
“He died?” I blurted.
“Yeah. Two years ago in December.”
“Do you miss him?” My voice was lower, softer. I sounded more understanding of what he had been through.
“Every day.”
“I get that. When my Dad died, it felt like part of me went with him. But he was so sick that he told us before he died that he knew what was coming and that he was ready for it. He wanted us to move on from our mourning.”
“I didn’t know your Dad died,” Austin admitted.
“Yeah. He died about six months ago after he got so sick he became paralyzed from the waist down. He was tired and nauseous all the time and after a while treatments stopped working and that was it.”
“I’m sorry,” Austin said, his voice dripping with sadness for what I had told him.
“Thanks. I’m sorry about your friend,” I whispered into the phone.
“Thank you. I guess we’ve both lost quite a bit. You lost your Dad, your siblings moved, I’ve moved a lot, my friend died….”
“I thought you’ve only moved twice?” I said curiously.
“More like seven. I’ve only moved to different states twice.”
“Can I ask why you’ve moved so much?” I asked.
“Yeah. My mom’s a doctor so we move a lot for her to be able to find work more easily in hospitals and my Dad’s an officer in the military.”
“A doctor and a military officer? Wow, that’s impressive. Do they expect you to follow in their footsteps?” I asked, impressed.
“As much as they’d love that, their subtle pressure just makes me want to go off on my path even more,” Austin said, his voice oddly quiet.
“That’s cool!” I said, straining my voice to sound far more impressed than I had been before.
“I guess.” The deafening silence stretched between us. We both seemed to be waiting for someone else to say something.
“So, um-”
“I have to go,” Austin interrupted. The line clicked dead before either of us said goodbye. I sighed and pulled the phone away from my ear after whispering into the silent line, “Bye, Austin.” I threw the phone back on the bed, leaping the covers after it, and closed my eyes after slamming my face into the pillow. I could hear my Mother walking up the stairs thanks to the gentle creaking of the floorboards.
“Kaleb?” she called.
“What?” I called back, my voice muffled by the pillows on my bed.
“Do you want to help me start sorting through Mila and Declan’s rooms?” she asked. Already? I couldn’t help but think.
“Why so soon?” I said. “What if it doesn’t work out and they come back?” I sounded so desperate for them to come home. Too desperate.
“I just want to get it over with. And as much as you’d probably love for them to come home, I’m afraid that won’t happen. Your siblings are mature for their ages and they’ll adjust to being away from us. You should be head over heels with excitement for them, Kaleb! Don’t be selfish just because you weren’t ready for them to go.” I gasped at her accusation. Didn’t she care that they left only months after Dad died? Didn’t she feel empty with them being gone too? Oh, who was I kidding? Of course, she was grieving. She still wore that dress. The dress made me want to run and sob every time I noticed it.
“Fine. I’ll help,” I snapped bitterly.
“Excellent. We’ll start with Mila’s room.” I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled over to the door. I fiddled with the lock, forcing myself to take it slow. Once the door was open, I walked as slow as a tortoise to Mila’s room down the hall from mine. Across from her room was Declan’s. The door was open and I could see his windows were open. His navy curtains were blowing in the August wind. I couldn’t help but slide over to his room, ignoring my Mother beckoning for me to join her in Mila’s room. Declan’s room seemed so different than it had been yesterday. His bed was carefully made, not an imperfection in the comforter. I didn’t have the nerve to sit and mess up his hard work to make his room look perfect before he left. His white desk was cleared of all papers and his laptop was gone. I sat down in the black chair and spun around to get a good look at everything. The curve of the ceiling, the way his bed pushed into the corner, his dresser in the other corner, the narrow door to open his empty closet, the hardwood floors he would have paced across while plotting his future. It was all different now without him.
“Kaleb.” My Mother had appeared behind the chair. I jumped out of the chair and straightened my posture.
“Sorry. I was just-”
“It’s alright. I understand you just wanted to look around one last time.” One last time. Her words hit me in the heart. Not just because she implied it would be the last time I ever saw Declan’s room like this, but because it was the title of the song from Hamilton when Washington told Hamilton he was stepping down. Hamilton had been one of the things my Dad was obsessed with while he lay on his deathbed. He would mumble the lyrics to the songs all day. He loved Broadway and would often use the lyrics to famous musicals like Dear Evan Hansen and Wicked. That was part of the reason those specific quotes from him were engraved on the boxes we had hidden in the oceans of Norway. I nodded and walked past her to Mila’s room which I wasn’t surprised to see was just as organized as Declan’s. Her room was the biggest of all of ours which didn’t surprise me. Mila had always had favoritism towards her. Her windows were open and were framed with thin white curtains. Her desk was in the back left area of her room. Folders and files filled the cabinets on the side. The top of the desk was empty aside from a forgotten pencil case. Her bed was made with clean sheets and a new quilt. Her closet had few items left, mostly just outgrown pairs of shoes and threadbare sweaters she had been banned from wearing again in case it were to bring shame to our family. I was familiar with having an embargo on outfits of mine. I skimmed the top of her bookshelf with my hand. I was almost surprised to see no dust on my hand when I took it off, but quickly remembered how hard Mila had always worked to keep her room from tracking in dirt and germs. My mom had boxes sitting next to her heeled feet.
“Kaleb, pick up the books,” she instructed. I watched her hand me a box and grabbed one of herself, moving towards her open closet. I looked down at the box and turned towards the tall bookshelf. I started to place books as gently as possible into the box. I knew Mila would fight me if I damaged any of her precious books. I finally cleared the top shelf after ten minutes of work. How did Mila have so many books? I wondered. My Mother came back towards me with a filled box.
“You’re still not finished?” she asked, gaping at me.
“She has a lot of books!” I cried defensively.
“That’s not an excuse.”
“Did she not bring any books with her to Uruguay and Ecuador?” I asked, throwing her copy of To Kill a Mockingbird into a new box.
“She did. She brought all of her textbooks for studying.” I sighed, eyeing the gap I had made on the second shelf.
“There has to be at least three hundred books here!” I cried, guessing just how much work I would have to still do.
“You better get back to work then,” Mom told me.
“And she calls herself a minimalist,” I muttered under my breath. I saw Momcrack what had to be the closest thing she could form to resemble a smile. I continued to shove book after book into new boxes. Half an hour later, all the books were safely housed inside all the boxes.
“Good. You’re done.” My Mother appeared from who knows where.
“What’s next? Or are we done?” I asked hopefully.
“Done? Goodness no! Does this room look empty to you?” Mom laughed dryly at my words.
“No,” I answered quietly.
“Good. I was worried I was going to take you to an eye doctor,” she joked seriously. Her humor was never that funny, at least it wasn’t to me. That’s when I saw it. Printed in Mila’s beautiful calligraphy were the words:
His legacy engraved in our hearts
For forever he stays unforgettable
You will be found, so defy gravity for forever
I gasped, recognizing our quotes from Dad.
“Kaleb? What’s wrong?” Mom asked me, looking over my shoulder to see the paper. I heard her stifle a gasp at the sight of his quotes.
“That’s what’s engraved on your boxes,” she breathed.
“Yeah. Dad said all of it; we were just quoting him,” I informed her.
“Let’s take a break. We’ve both done enough for today. Go call your friends or something- anything- else.” Her words were quick. She did not want to discuss her late husband’s words. I understood that. Sometimes it was hard for me to remember things Dad used to say too.
“Okay,” I said softly, trying not to disturb her. “Want me to make you some tea? I think we still have lavender tea bags.” Lavender tea was always Mom’s favorite drink to cheer her up when she wasn’t feeling the best or when she was having a tough day. Today would be one of those days.
“No. No, that’s okay. You don’t need to do that. It’s too much work, too much hassle. Go read or call someone.” She turned and stalked to her room. If she didn’t have the tea, she was not having a good day. I returned to my room, untangling my phone from between my sheets. Two missed call notifications were on my screen. One was from Declan, the other from Mila. I felt a smile spreading across my face when I saw the notifications. I pulled up the group chat I had with them and pressed the call.
“Hello?” Mila’s voice spoke into the phone. Her voice had the slightest Spanish accent as it always did after she had been speaking in the language.
“Mila!” I shrieked giddily. “It’s so good to hear your voice!”
“You too! How is Uruguay so far?” I asked, leaning back against the wall.
“Oh, it’s just beautiful! I wish you could be here with me, Declan too.”
“Mila? Kaleb?” Declan’s voice said.
“Declan!” Mila cried. “I miss you so much. How are you?” She was talking so fast I could barely understand what she was saying.
“I miss you too- both of you! I’m excellent! I’m in Latvia right now, and it is probably the most beautiful place I’ve ever been!”
“I bet you that Uruguay is even more beautiful. You should be here with me.” I couldn’t help but feel locked out of the conversation. Had they forgotten I was here too? After a few minutes of being closed out of the conversation, I was ready to hang up, but just as I started to bring my finger close to the end call button, Declan said my name.
“Kaleb? Are you still here?”
“What? Oh, yeah I am. I’ve just been listening to you two.”
“Sorry, Kaleb. We didn’t mean to ignore you,” Mila apologized. I was a bit surprised. Mila wasn’t normally so apologetic, especially towards me.
“It’s fine. I’m just happy to hear your voices.” The line was silent for a long minute.
“Well, I’ve got to go. Liva is here with our Clericós. Chau!” Mila left the call, leaving just Declan and me.
“Any idea what ‘chau’ means?” I asked Declan.
“No clue. Probably ‘bye’ or something in the Uruguayan dialect of Spanish,” Declan answered. Was it just me or did he sound bored with the conversation suddenly? I wondered.
“Well look at you with all your knowledge of Spanish dialects!” I joked, throwing in a laugh to show him I was just joking.
“Uh-huh. Anyway, how’s everything at home? Fallen apart without us?” Declan said, joking just like I had.
“Only if you count cleaning your rooms out,” I said, trying to sound as laid back as possible.
“You- you already cleaned our rooms out?” Declan asked, surprised. Had he not known of Mom’s plan to clear their rooms out?
“Yeah- or at least we only got started in Mila’s room. We haven’t touched yours yet,” I assured him.
“I knew Mom would get that vaunted, but I didn’t think you’d have already gotten started.” I felt bad telling Declan all of this. Was it making him feel bad to know what we were doing? Did he wish he was home with us right now?
“So what’s your favorite thing about Latvia so far? When do you head to Hungary and Lithuania?” I asked, doing my best to show interest in his European journey.
“I don’t know. The people are pretty nice I guess. The woman helping all of us in the program out right now, Amēlija, is really helpful. We are heading to Lithuania for two weeks right now. The man who’s going to help us in Lithuania, Ramunas, has been in contact with us already but hasn’t heard from Hungary yet. All we know is that we’ll be there sometime next month and that our guide is named Adila or Amaila or something like that.”
“Do you miss home yet?” I asked, my voice a bit quieter now.
“I’m trying not to think about it.”
“So-”
“Sorry, Kaleb, but I’ve gotta go. My friends and I are in line at Nilsson.”
“Oh. Okay. What’s Nilsson?” I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.
“It’s a coffee place. Bye, Kaleb. I’ll call you and Mom later.” And then he hung up. I held the phone away from my ear, a bit shocked that was how my first conversation went with my siblings on the other side of the world. I put my phone on my nightstand and lay down on my bed. My eyes suddenly felt heavy and before I could even turn off the light in my room, my eyes were shut and I had fallen fast asleep.
Chapter Three
“Go. It’s okay, I already did my little ritual.” Mom waved her hand at Mila, Declan, and me to tell us to start. Mila was wearing a thick velvet black dress that stretched down to her ankles. Her raven hair was free of blonde highlights and braided around her head. Declan and I wore matching black suits. Our faces all seemed pale and fragile. Our eyes were rimmed red from crying. The gray sky expressed how we felt perfectly. We marched forward towards the gray-blue ocean of Norway. In each of our hands was a box engraved with phrases our father had said at one point in his short life. The icy water sent needle-sharp pains up my legs as we waded into the shallow waters. None of us dared to speak until we were waist-deep, or chest-deep thanks to Mila’s height, or rather the lack of it. We each slowly opened our boxes one by one, pausing to look through the continents inside. Mila held a silver marble our father had always cherished for some odd reason. Beside the marble was a photograph of her and Dad at her tenth birthday party. Finally, a tiny silver bag made of velvet was tucked inside. In the bag were a portion of our late father’s ashes. Silent tears streamed down Mila’s face like her own personal ocean pouring out of her eyes. She gently closed the lid, pressing her lips to the engraved quote at the top of it.
“His legacy engraved in our hearts,” she read from the box. “Dad always said his dream was to have his legacy engraved in our hearts. He wanted to be remembered. Before he died I told him that he would always be remembered and forgetting him wasn’t an option. I love you, Dad. I swear I’ll never stop.” I reached over and squeezed her shoulder, assuring her we agreed. Declan was next. Inside his box was Dad’s favorite pen, a beautiful thing with an indigo body and perfect black ink that flowed from inside. Next to it was a picture of him and Dad from sixth-grade graduation. The last thing was an indigo velvet bag with the same thing as Mila’s: Dad’s ashes. When he closed the lid, he paused to brush his hand against the quote.
“For forever he stays unforgettable. Dad’s favorite song from Dear Evan Hansen was For Forever and he always said Evan Hansen would stay unforgettable forever. I switched the quote so it isn’t talking about Evan, instead it’s talking about Dad. I miss you so much, Dad. We all do.” I watched Mila hug him and cleared my throat quietly when she let go of him. It was my turn. I slowly opened the lid and nearly started sobbing when I looked over the objects inside. I had Dad’s glasses in mine. The thin wire was worn where it would have hit his ear. The lenses were smudged and slightly scratched, but to me, they didn’t look broken. I thought they looked loved. The picture inside was him holding me for the first time outside of the ICU, where I had been for the first several weeks of my life while my siblings got to start living at home. His expression was a mix of emotions, but one shone brighter than the others: love. I felt a tear drip down my face and I heard the soft splash as it landed in the ocean surrounding me. I sniffed but moved my eyes to look at the bag. The emerald-colored bag was velvet just like my sibling’s and inside were his ashes. I felt heavy inside as I closed the wooden lid. I choked on my words at first but pushed them through after a second of struggle.
“You will be found, so defy gravity for forever,” I whispered. “Whenever I would get bullied or teased in school, Dad would look me in the eye and say that. He always told me I was defying gravity and I was going to one day be found by my people. I didn’t know what he meant then, but I do now. What he said was one of the most helpful things I have ever been told in my entire life and I wish I could have told him that but I’m telling him now. Dad, what you said to me was the most helpful you- or anyone else- have ever told me and I am eternally grateful for that. Not having you here by my side is so painful, but I know how to live with pain. I found my people, Dad. You were my people.” Declan was the one to hug me this time, his elbow dug into my ribs but I didn’t mind. When Declan released me, we all looked down at our boxes and slowly bent down and allowed them to slip out of our hands and sink to the bottom of the ocean to rest there until such time we could come back. We all were silent while we stood there. No one spoke and the waves didn’t even crash down while we mourned. I noticed how Mila’s dress was swirling around the water like a jellyfish or ink an octopus sprayed out to escape. We were all crying and none of us tried to hide it. We all understood each other’s pain. We wanted to comfort one another by showing them we hurt too. After who knows how long, we turned and made our way back to shore. Our mother had tears in her eyes as Mila threw her arms around her and sobbed into her shoulder. Mila seemed so young at the moment, so small. Declan and I stood without saying a word, waiting for Mila to pick herself up. Our mother didn’t scold Mila for acting like a mess or Declan and me for crying in public. She knew being upset over children mourning was a horrible thing.
I woke up with a gasp. The sun outside had since set and the house was completely silent. I lifted my phone and gaped at the time: eight thirty-nine. I had several texts from my friends and a missed call from Mila, however, there was no evidence of an attempted call from Declan. He had only sent me one text. One. He couldn’t try multiple times? I saw dozens of texts popping up from Toria that begged me to call her. I sighed and answered one of my many calls from her.
“Kaleb! What took you so long to answer?” she screamed into my ear.
“Chill, Toria. I was sleeping.”
“Sleeping?” Toria laughed. “It’s not even nine yet! Why were you sleeping?”
“I was tired. What do you need?” I asked, sitting cross-legged on my bed.
“I heard there’s a back-to-school dance a week after school starts! Are you going? Who are you taking?” Toria’s excitement did nothing to excite me about the dance, in fact, it only made me grimace inside and hope she wouldn’t force me to go.
“Toria, I don’t think it sounds fun. Why are you interested? You never seem to want to go to dances,” I confronted her.
“I know, but I think it sounds fun. This is our first sophomore dance!” Toria cried.
“I know, Toria. You can go, but I’m not interested,” I groaned.
“No, Kaleb! You have to go! It won’t be the same without you! You could go with Nikiki or Alexandrine or Jazzlyn-” Toria started to say before I cut her off angrily.
“No, Toria. You don’t understand. I don’t want to go with some girl, you, or myself. I don’t want to go at all!” I was a bit surprised to be acting like this. I normally didn’t throw such a fight about not going to dances and Toria agreed. Why was I so defensive about not going? And why was Toria so pushy about me joining her?
“Is it just that you don’t want to go with a girl?” Toria asked, her voice surprisingly soft. I felt a stab in my gut and I froze.
“What?” I said through my teeth.
“Do you want to go- but not with a girl?” she repeated.
“I- I don’t know what you are talking about. Of course, I would go with a”
“Kaleb, I’ve known you since we were five. You’ve never said anything about being interested in girls. I’m your best friend and I can tell you a lot about you. Just tell me, honestly, would you rather go with a boy?” I couldn’t form words. Would she be upset with what I told her? What if I did want to go with a boy? Would everyone laugh? Would I be bullied and called horrible names?
“Toria, I don’t- I don’t know,” I admitted honestly.
“You don’t know? What is that supposed to mean?” She sounded confused like she couldn’t understand what I was trying to say.
“I mean that I don’t know if I want to go with a boy. Or with a girl.”
“Have you just never thought about it? Or do you know you just don’t know what to say?” Toria asked. The latter, I thought. I knew I wouldn’t be interested in attending a dance with a girl more than friends, but I wasn’t ready to tell Toria that. It was my business, not her’s.
“I haven’t thought about it,” I lied.
“But you’ll think about it? For me? Kaleb, your best friend and pretty much the only friend I’ve ever had. I want to know the real you, not a lie you’ve told me. Even if you want to go with Austin, I’d be happy for you.”
“Austin? I never said anything about wanting to go with Austin, or any boy for that matter,” I snapped, suddenly worried she had seen through the mask I’d so carefully placed.
“Kaleb, I know what it means when two people look at each other like you two look at each other,” Toria said gently.
“And how do we look at each other?” I was speaking faster and faster, getting more and more afraid with every word. What if my mother was listening to our conversation? Do phone calls get recorded somehow? I almost missed what Toria replied with because of my racing thoughts.
“You smile at smile at each other all the time, you laugh more easily-”
“What, I’m not allowed to laugh when I’m happy?” I said.
“Can you just let me finish?” sighed Toria.
“Fine. Explain how I’m not looking at him.”
“I will. Sometimes you avoid looking at his eyes, which you only do when you are nervous. Admit it, Kaleb, you like Austin and you want to go to the dance with him,” Toria begged me to say.
“Of course I like him!” I could tell Toria was getting excited. “He’s my friend, it would be weird if I didn’t like him.”
“Kaleb! Do you like him more than friends?” Toria enunciated into the phone, her voice sounded staccato.
“I- I have to go!” I quickly hung up the phone and threw it down like it was white hot. Did I like Austin more than friends? Was Toria right? Would I go to the dance with him? Would he want to go with me? Did he want to be more than friends? Toria had made it sound like he did all the little things that I did as well, but how could I be sure? Had I been so focused on not acting nervous and incredibly happy around him that I had missed out on how he acted? Had there been a hole in my mask that showed who I was inside? Would my family like who that person was? Would I like who that person was? Would anyone? Would it even be safe for me to be who I am? My family is so well known and there’s never been anyone- that I know of- that’s like me in our family history. Would I be the first? Could I be the first? Did I have the strength to do that? To be open with everyone important in my life and let them know the real me? How did anyone have the strength to do that? I found myself stumbling down to the ground, dizzy with all the painful emotions slamming into me and knocking me off my feet. I leaned over to the side a bit like a boat rocking back and forth in a storm, the storm being my life. I felt seasick, almost vomiting from all the pain I was feeling at that moment. I wish my Dad were here to hold my head as I was sick and to talk to me about the pain. I haven’t told him very much about the bullying after he got sick, not wanting to make him feel worse about being sick and not being able to move his legs. Instead of being open with the person who probably cared about me the most out of everyone in my life, I bottled myself up and forced myself to endure the pain and suffering. I should have told him before he died. Instead, I let my Dad die knowing a lie. How could I have done that to him? How had I let him pass on never getting to meet the me that lay behind the mask? Did he ever suspect? Did I ever slip and accidentally tell him before I was ready? Before I revealed to myself who I am? Then the worst thought of all hit me. What would my Mom think? Her side of the family was very strict and religious and they had raised her to believe very similar things to them. What would she do when he finds out? Would she be upset? Would she disown me? I didn’t know. I was briefly blinded by my confusing thoughts and everything was dotted with purple and black polka dots the color of a nasty bruise. I was breathing fast- too fast. Each breath refused to satisfy my lungs and they thirsty searched for breath after breath, never stopping to absorb the last. I forced my legs to move to a standing position and made them carry me to the door. I walked down the stairs to the kitchen, tripping over my feet on the last step. I caught myself just in time, my hand wrapping around the banister to keep myself from hitting the ground.
“Kaleb?” I heard my mother’s voice from the living room. I gasped softly, surprised to hear her voice.
“Mom?” I called back, fumbling for the light switch.
“I called you for dinner hours ago. Why didn’t you ever come down?” she asked, arms crossed tightly across her chest as she leaned back slightly in her chair.
“I fell asleep,” I said, dazed.
“You fell asleep’?” Mom replied questioningly.
“Yeah. I guess I was just tired from all the preparation for tomorrow,” I lied.
“Oh, that’s right.” Her eyes widened and her thin eyebrows raised on her forehead. She must have forgotten about school starting tomorrow with all the chaos of getting ready for Mila and Declan to leave.
“Um, so, can I go make myself something to eat?” I motioned towards the kitchen.
“Yes, of course you can. Just be quiet. I’m going to go get ready for bed. Do you have your schedule for tomorrow planned out?” she asked, standing and brushing her hands on her dress.
“Yeah.” I walked away from her and towards the kitchen. I paused, leaning against a wall to hear her going upstairs without another word. I waited until I heard the sound of her bedroom door closing before turning the kitchen light on and locating the bread. I made myself a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich which I ate quickly at the marble counter. I sat there for a while, organizing my thoughts into a multitude of different files from ‘Sibling Drama’ to ‘Who is Austin to Me?’. After most of the thoughts were locked away, I glanced over at the clock, surprised to see it was now nine o’clock. Has half an hour really passed? I dragged myself upstairs and began my nightly routine: brushing my brown hair, brushing my teeth, flossing, using mouthwash, putting on my pajamas, and making sure tomorrow’s outfit was out and ready for the next day. Once all the steps were completed to perfection, and only then, did I allow myself to climb into my bed and let sleep pull me under. I was just getting to the final part of turning my light off when my phone buzzed with a text from Mila.
Hey, Kaleb. Sorry I had to go earlier. It’s around midnight here and I’m just getting ready for bed. Call me sometime tomorrow after you get home from school! Good night, Kaleb. I stared at the screen, unsure whether or not to reply. A second later, I decided to tell her good night as well. She was my sister; I couldn’t hold a grudge against her.
Hi, Mila. I understand you had to go. After all, you are busy with your work in Uruguay and soon Ecuador helping find cures for diseases. I promise to talk to you tomorrow to tell you all about my first day and you can tell me about your first day as part of the program. Sweet dreams, Mila. After I closed the messages, I opened it quickly for the last time for the night. I found Declan’s message and texted him something similar:
Hi, Declan. I understand you had to go. After all, you are busy with your work in Latvia and soon Lithuania and Hungary helping develop new cybersecurity defenses in computers. I promise to talk to you tomorrow to tell you all about my first day and you can tell me about your first day as part of the program. Sweet dreams, Declan. The text remained unread for a few minutes and I was about to close my phone and go to sleep when it appeared as read. Text bubbles started forming and I felt my nerves growing and growing until his reply loaded.
Hey. Sorry I was kind of annoyed with you earlier. I was super tired from the plane ride and all of the jet lag I was experiencing. I completely forgot tomorrow is your first day of school! You have to text or call Mila and me and tell us how it went! We aren’t getting the same high school experiences as you, so it’s important you really paint a picture with your words so we can enjoy the same things that you are, at least sort of. I paused from reading the message, trying to figure out how exactly I was to ‘paint a picture with my words’. It would have been so much easier if he was here with me on the same routine. Waking up, rushing to eat breakfast, getting ready, and exploring the halls of the high school together for the first time. That was the kind of kind triplets did, right? Or at least normal triplets did. I don’t think we fit into the category of normal triplets. What, with our family? Everyone in the Levillo family is far from normal with our stature above everyone else. I shook my head to knock the distracting thoughts out of my head before going back to reading the rest of Declan’s text.
Anyway, Latvia is super cool so far and I promise to tell you even more about it than I did earlier. Night, little brother. I chose not to respond. Instead, I closed my phone and set it back on the nightstand. I reached for my lamp next to my phone and clicked it off. Blackness swallowed the room and the moonlight that shone through my window was the only thing illuminating the room of shadows and nightmares.
My alarm blared loud and clear at six o’clock the next morning. I nearly let out a scream with the shock of hearing it. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the bright light of the sun shining through my window. I could hear the front door closing. Mom must be leaving already, I thought. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood on shaky legs. I threw my clothes on as quickly as possible and rushed down the stairs. I’d handle my mess of hair later. My feet pounded against the wooden stairs as I raced down them. I smiled gently when I saw my mother had made breakfast for me: scrambled eggs, and buttered toast complete with a glass of orange juice on the side. She had been pushing my siblings and I to eat healthier ever since my Dad got sick. I think it’s her way of having control over what happens. I sat down and devoured the freshly cooked food. Small amounts of steam rose off the eggs. Once I had finished, I ran back upstairs to take care of my hair. I couldn’t help but stare at myself in the mirror. Was I really a sophomore ? Was I really starting this year without my siblings? Without my Dad? I took all of me in from my gray-blue eyes, my milk chocolate hair, my pale skin, to my tall, lean frame. I couldn’t possibly be ready for this. I pulled my eyes away from my reflection and forced myself to brush my teeth. When I found myself back in my room, I grabbed my phone and whispered to myself, “I’m ready for this. I am strong enough for this. I always was and I always will be.” I check the clock. Six-forty-five. The bus would be getting there at seven o’clock sharp. I knew for a fact the bus would be prompt and not a second late from years of watching the other kids board the bus and seeing it zip down the road after every kid was safely inside. Fifteen minutes later I was glancing at full rows of seats filling the bus.
“Sit down!” screamed the bus driver impatiently. I was starting to panic when Austin stood up and frantically waved me over. I spotted Toria trying to do the same thing a few seats over from Austin. Each of them were sitting alone. I bit my lip and mouthed my apology to Toria as I passed her and joined Austin in the back. I noticed Toria giving me the stink eye before turning back around and refusing to look at me.
“Are you excited?” Austin asked me, running his hands through his bleached hair.
“I guess. It’s just… weird. What about you? Are you excited?” I said with a wide smile. Maybe too wide for such a simple question. However, Austin didn’t seem to mind.
“Yeah. At least I get to spend all of the day with you.” Why was he so excited about that? I got that we were friends, but Toria was in some of our classes too. Why didn’t he say he was excited to see her too? Wasn’t he?
“Cool. And I’m looking forward to seeing you too.” The pounding silence hurt as we waited for the other to say something. Why were we staring at each other like this? Wow. I didn’t realize his eyes were so blue. They reminded me of the ocean during a storm, dark and full of hidden secrets unknown to most.
“So- um- did you hear about the back to school dance?” Austin asked me, ducking his head away from mine. No! I thought. I want to keep trying to come up with metaphors that describe how beautiful your eyes are!
“Yeah. Are you- are you going?” My voice was so strained- full of fear and nerves about what he would say.
“Maybe. Are you?”
“Potentially. If I find someone to go with,” I said, my voice a mystery.
“Would you go with Toria?” asked Austin. I froze. Why did he want to know? And what was the deep, hidden part of his voice? Was it… fear? Or was it something with a much deeper meaning?
“No!” I cried much louder than I meant to. “Most definitely not!” Austin’s eyebrows raised with… relief? Why was he relieved?
“Oh. Well, um, would you- would you-”
“LEVILLO! Did you finally make another freaky friend?” No. No, not today. It’s too early for this. Give me a break for once, life! What did I do to deserve this?
“I-” Austin was staring at Andrew- my bully and tormenter for five years now- with a look of pure disdain.
“What’s your name, freak?” Andrew asked Austin sarcastically. He leaned over the back of our seat more and I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck.
“Austin Baier. Not freak,” he said in a soft monotone voice. Was he just as scared as I was? Had he been through this too.
“‘Austin Baier’,” repeated Andrew. “I’m Andrew, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay out of my way. That goes for you too, Levillo.” I held my breath for the ten seconds it took him to slowly sit back down and remove his hands from the back of our seat. I let out the breath and searched frantically for air.
“Are you okay?” I asked Austin gently once I had caught my breath.
“Yeah. Yeah. I went through a lot of the same thing at my old school- fear. Most of it wouldn’t be classified as bullying exactly, but it was terrifying. They had the power to send this powerful sense of being in a precarious situation every single day I had to be around them,” Austin shared. I slowly reached over and hugged him. I didn’t want him to be in pain. If he was in pain, I was too.
“I’m sorry.” We were silent for the rest of the ride, my arms still wrapped around him. As the bus pulled into the parking lot of the school, I removed my arms from him, but he caught them and hugged him again. I felt my heart flutter inside of my chest and a smile creeped up my lips. Why was I so happy? Andrew stepped around me and I went after him while Austin gathered his backpack. I paused when I got off the bus to wait for Austin, but so did Andrew. He leaned over and whispered a horrible, horrible word I will never for the life of me repeat.
“What’s the matter? got your tongue?” snarled Andrew. I remained frozen until Austin got off the bus and we walked- arm in arm, I might add- into the chaotic school. We found our homeroom quickly. I was pleasantly surprised to see Toria sitting inside already.
“Toria!” I called her. “Hey!” She turned around, but didn’t offer a smile towards me. Austin and I took seats behind her and the bell rang not five minutes later. Our teacher, Mr. Fletcher, walked in with a neatly pressed shirt and brand new glasses to begin attendance.
“Austin Baier?” he called.
“Here,” replied Austin. Mr. Fletcher lowered his glasses a bit.
“You're new, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Yeah. Kaleb agreed to help me around already, so I don’t need anything,” Austin said quickly. I nodded to prove his point. Mr. Fletcher nodded and put his glasses back up on his nose before going back to roll call.
“Kaleb Levillo?”
“Present.” One by one, names were called off but then the trouble started.
“Victoria Williams?”
“I go by Toria,” she snapped.
“I can’t honor nicknames unless they’ve been sent in by parents. If anyone else has nicknames, please write them out on this sheet and I’ll call parents to make sure they’re okay to call you by,” Mr. Fletcher explained. A person in the back of the room with short raven hair and wide hazel eyes raised their hand.
“My name is probably in the list as Clarie Willows, but I go by Clove,” they said.
“Clove? Like the herb? What kind of name is that?” Mr. Fletcher laughed.
“The perfect name that’s in between male and female names for people like me that identify as nonbinary.” I noticed Austin sit up suddenly out of the corner of my eye when Clove said the word ‘nonbinary’.
“Well, Clarie, in this classroom that name has to be approved.” Clove’s eyes narrowed and she sent a look of pure anger towards Mr. Fletcher. But it wasn’t just anger. No, this was something much deeper than anger, but what it was I couldn’t possibly describe. Clove grabbed their backpack and marched out of the classroom without a word. Austin caught my eye and I could see the fire behind his eyes. Slowly, I watched him grab his backpack and I followed his lead. Snickers arose from the back of the classroom and we packed up.
“Boys, it isn’t time to leave yet. Please sit down,” Mr. Fletcher said from his desk without looking up.
“No.” Austin and I walked out the door and let it slam behind us. The regular hall monitor was unusually absent.
“I don’t know a good place to stay until homeroom ends,” whispered Austin. “I’ve never cut class before!”
“This isn’t cutting class. This is standing up for what’s right,” I corrected. “Let’s go to the stairwell.” The stairwell had been a hot spot for rebels that were cutting class back in the day, but now it was mostly abandoned. The hall monitors wouldn’t find us there. We hurried through the halls before finally making it to the stairwell a few minutes later. I checked my watch and sighed. There were still ten minutes left of homeroom. Austin and I set our bags down on the ground and were completely silent as we processed what Mr. Fletcher had the nerve to say.
“I can’t believe we have to go back there for study hall,” commented Austin.
“Right? Someone ought to report him. He shouldn’t be able to say things like that and get away with it!” I said.
“You sounded so much like Hermoine Granger just now,” joked Austin, squinting his eyes like he was trying to figure out if that was my goal or not. I laughed gently to keep anyone from hearing us, but I wanted to topple over with uncontrollable hysterics.
“Oh, I wish I was Hermione Granger!” I chuckled, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.
“Don’t we all?” he replied, leaning back against the wall. “Well, everyone except Draco Malfoy probably.”
“Please- we all know he secretly wants to be her too.” Austin snorted in reply.
“Definitely. We need to protest to have International Harry Potter Day changed to International Hermione Granger Day. After all, I think she was really the one to save us from Voldemort,” he said wistfully. I pretended to gasp and I smacked his arm playfully.
“Don’t say his name!” I cried. Austin suddenly fell over in laughter. His convulsions lasted around three minutes before he picked himself up, dusted himself off, and took a place against the wall with me.
“Sorry about that. Think anyone heard us- well- me at least?” he asked far more calmly than he had been in his little scene on the ground.
“No. These walls are pretty sound absorbent, and if anyone had heard, they’d already been down here and we’d be marching to the office.”
“So we could throw a party down here, bottle a hurricane and unleash it here, scream at the top of our lungs, and still no one would hear us?” Austin said sarcastically.
“Well I don’t know about the whole natural disaster in a bottle thing, but screaming would probably be muffled enough no one would hear. However that little scene of yours must have caught someone’s attention other than mine,” I said with a grin just as sarcastic as his joke.
“So what you’re saying is… I get to try out all of my theories to see exactly how much sound these walls will cover up?” quipped Austin. I was the one to laugh now.
“Fine with me, but I expect to be there when you do so,” I replied. We both ended up laughing until the bell rang to dismiss us for English.
“Hey! Why aren’t you two in class?” screamed a hall monitor from the top of the stairs. Austin and I exchanged a look and took off down the hall. Kids coming out of classes shot us weird looks as we ran, laughing and tripping over each other.
“No running!” a teacher reminded us.
“Sorry!” Austin called over his shoulder. We arrived in English in a laughing, sweaty cluster. There was no seating arrangement thankfully, so Austin and I found seats in the back next to one another. I recognized the person from homeroom, Clove, sitting in front of us. I nudged Austin with my elbow and gestured towards Clove.
“The one from homeroom,” I hissed in his ear when he leaned over.
“Ohhh,” exclaimed Austin. He leaned forward and tapped Clove on the shoulder. They turned around and examined both of us.
“Neither,” they said.
“What?” I answered, confused.
“I’m not a boy or a girl,” they repeated. “That is what you were going to ask, right?”
“No. We just wanted to tell you that after you left homeroom, we left too. What Mr. Fletcher said, it was horrible. We just wanted to tell you that we support you,” Austin explained.
“Oh! Sorry! I just thought you were going to be like every other person that’s talked to me so far and ask what gender I am,” Clove said. A gentle shade of pink highlighted their face in embarrassment.
“Of course we wouldn’t do that!” I cried. “We’re better people than that.” Austin nodded along with me. The bell rang and our teacher, a young looking woman with wild curls of mouse brown hair stalked into the room without a word.
“Hello, everyone. I’m Ms. Conroy, your English teacher for the year.” Her voice was gentle and smooth like milk chocolate. Her room was covered from top to bottom in books. I fell in love with the design simply moments after examining it. Ms. Conroy began attendance and I was ready to speak up for Clove this time.
“Austin Baier? I see you’re new. Welcome to our school. We’re glad to have you,” she said when she came to Austin’s name.
“Kaleb Levillo? Where are your siblings? I was hopeful to be teaching them this year,”
“Oh- they’re studying abroad,” I answered, trying to think of a way to explain where they had gone as simply as possible.
“Shame.” She moved on to name after name and after every name was called, I sat up a bit more and became more and more prepared to stand up for Clove. But Ms. Conroy never called their name. Instead, she walked back and said to them in a low whisper,
“I heard about what happened this morning. I’ll call you Clove, but that little bit of information needs to stay within these doors.” I saw Clove noticeably relax. I felt my shoulders shift downward and I saw Austin lean back in his seat and exhale deeply. We all felt so much calmer. Ms. Conroy walked back to her desk and set her feet on top of the desk and smiled at us.
“Let’s get started!” she exclaimed. “Everyone, take out the class novel I assigned on the supply list. You should have gotten a copy of Jane Eyre. Does anyone not have it?” A girl in the front raised her hand and Ms. Conroy quickly approached her and handed her a copy before retreating to her desk and opening her own book. She read aloud to us for the rest of the class period. When the bell rang, Austin and I jumped up and hurried to American History. Our classes passed slowly until lunch. The bell rang to dismiss us and we walked towards the cafeteria. The tables were already filling up quickly. Some people moved to individual seating while others gathered at the long tables with their friends.
“Too bad Toria doesn’t have the same lunch as us,” said Austin as we walked through the crowded maze of teenagers.
“Yeah. Thankfully we have science with her right after lunch,” I replied, throwing my bag on the ground as I slid into a seat at a table in the northern corner of the lunch room. We were both smart enough to have pre packed our own lunches so we didn’t have to eat the sorry excuse for food the school served us. I don’t know how they possibly were able to get away with it without getting in trouble with the health department. I watched Austin out of the corner of my eye as he spooned a bite of yogurt into his mouth. I swallowed my forkful of salad, nearly choking on a cherry tomato. That’s when it happened. The shrieking sound of the fire alarm hit our ears. I heard a few of the boys at the next table cheering and running out the door. Austin and I exchanged a look. We were both scared. What if this was an actual fire? There had yet to be on in all my years here in the school district. We jumped from our table, ears covered with our hands, and ran out the door with everyone else. The pattern for figuring out if everyone was safe was a bit hectic. You find a teacher outside, give them your name and grade, and then you stay relatively in the same area. About five minutes after the alarm initially goes off, any student that has not been marked as present has their name called. Austin and I searched the yard for a teacher. Our eyes landed on the infamous Mr. Fletcher.
“Well, well. It appears the two class ditchers show their faces. You boys have anything you want to say about this morning before I take you to the office?” I stifled a laugh and gestured to the empty air around me.
“What office? If you hadn’t noticed, there is no office. There’s a fire,” I commented realistically. Mr. Fletcher pursed his lips and crossed his arms.
“When there is an office.” He pulled a pencil out of his pocket and crossed our names off of the list. He waved his hand to dismiss us, but all three of us knew this was far from over. We saw Clove exiting the building. They were the calmest person I had ever seen leaving a potentially burning building. They saw Mr. Fletcher and immediately crossed the yard to a different teacher. Austin and I sat down on the grass while we waited for someone to tell us what was going on. Twelve minutes later, the sound of fire trucks approaching the school screamed in our ears. The firefighter rushed inside with their full gear on and with hoses.
“Well, the school must definitely be on fire,” I announced to whoever was around me to hear.
“First time for everything,” said a girl next to me. I looked over and saw it was Toria. She had her phone stuck in her pocket and was sneaking it out to do who knows what.
“What?” she said to me without looking over at me.
“Sorry,” I said quickly, looking away. Austin had managed to take his phone as well and was pulling it out of a hidden pocket in his pants. He lifted it and waved it like he was holding a tambourine. He pulled an app version of the card game Kings Corner up on his phone. We ended up playing for ten minutes before a voice came over a megaphone.
“Students! There was a real fire in the school. Firefighters are putting it out now, but classes will be canceled for the rest of the day. Buses will be here soon and parents have been contacted.”
“What about our stuff?” someone shouted.
“Things will be moved to homerooms after the fire is put out. Now, if there are no more questions, we will be calling bus numbers as they arrive. Please board your assigned bus when the bus number is called.” The megaphone clicked off. Not long later, our bus number was called. I ran ahead of Austin to get us a spot and he chased after me. We grabbed a seat in the back and Austin took his phone again. We played for the rest of the ride home.
Chapter Four
Austin ended up at my house after we got off the bus. Mom was still at work thankfully so we didn’t have to worry about anything she would say about me having a friend over. We went down to the basement and just sat there for a few silent minutes.
“Can I ask you something?” I blurted.
“Yeah, of course you can,” he replied. I hesitated for a split second. I traced a zig zag pattern on the soft gray fabric of the couch.
“What did you mean when you said you wished your time in the closet was as organized as your closet?” I whispered. Austin stopped looking around the basement. He didn't move a muscle.
“I-” he began. His voice trailed off as if he had forgotten how to speak completely.
“You can tell me the truth,” I urged him gently.
“That’s just it- I don’t know how. Not even my parents or friends back home know. No one knows. Where I used to live- it wasn’t safe. I heard about so many kids that were bullied or beaten up for just being who they were!” cried Austin, his voice raising.
“That’s horrible. I’m glad you’re here- and safe- now.” Austin nodded silently. Once again, deafening silence was the only sound in the air.
“Toria asked me if I was…” my voice trailed off just like Austin’s had a moment ago. Just like him, I didn’t know how to say it.
“What did you say?” he asked, tilting his head to look at me just a touch.
“I told her I didn’t know. But I do know. I’ve known- somehow- inside of me for a while,” I explained. Why was I telling him all of this? Why did I want him to know so bad? What if Toria was right? What if I did like Austin?
“Yeah? Is it- is it true?” Austin asked. He sounded slightly panicked. Did he want me to be?
“Yeah. It’s true.” Before I knew it, Austin was hugging me.
“I’m proud of you,” he whispered. I couldn’t help but feel a smile stretch across my face from ear to ear. He knew, the most important person to me knew who I really am. We remained with our arms wrapped around each other for quite some time before we both finally released each other at the same time.
“I am too,” I told him. Once again, I was smiling wildly.
“Do you think Toria knows?” I asked Austin, leaning back on the couch.
“Probably. I mean- she asked you, didn’t she? I wouldn’t be surprised if she suspected me,” he said softly. I nodded and looked up at the ceiling.
“Do you think it would be safe for you to tell your parents?” I said.
“Maybe. We never talk about it or anything related to it so I don’t know what they would say about it.” I nodded again and was quiet for a while.
“What about you? Could you safely tell your family?”
“Possibly. My Mom was raised in a really strict and religious family so she would probably be the hardest person to tell. My siblings are pretty cool so that will be easier. I just- I wish I could have gotten the chance to tell my Dad before he died,” I explained to Austin. He nodded and before I could say anything else, he took my hands in his.
“No matter how hard it is, I’m proud of you for recognizing who you really are. That is always hard, so you taking this first step is amazing.” I felt tears sting and stab at my eyes, but nevertheless, a smile warmed my face.
“I’m proud of you too,” I whispered. I couldn’t possibly be expected to count the amount of time we just stared at each other. When I slowly pulled my hands from his, we both slumped back against the couch like our connected hands were the only things keeping our perfect posture.
“I should probably head home soon,” murmured Austin, staring straight ahead. Before I could reply, he had leaped off the couch and was racing up the stairs. I heard the front door slam. Suddenly, my phone started to ring and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I let out something that sounded like a strangled scream.
“What is wrong with you?” I screeched into the phone.
“What? All I did was call you,” said Toria’s voice on the other end.
“I- never mind. It doesn’t matter,” I said through my teeth.
“I think it does. What’s up?” Toria asked me.
“Well, Austin was over but he just left,” I told her.
“Why’d he leave? Did you two get in a fight?” she asked, voice raised.
“No!” I cried. “Far from it, actually. And I don’t know why he left. Maybe he had to do something?”
“‘Far from it’? What’s that supposed to mean?” Toria teased. I could practically see her taunting expression and hear her mocking cries.1
“Nothing,” I assured her quickly.
“Sounds like something,” she pressured.
“Oh, give it up, Toria. I said it was nothing so agree with me that it’s nothing!” I cried.
“Fine, fine. Do you want to come over and help me clean my car?” she asked, changing the subject. I was relieved enough about the subject for the both of us.
“Sure,” I said. Toria turned sixteen in early August and her mom got a car for her birthday even though she can’t technically drive by herself for a while. Plus, the car is still owned by her mom, not her, but everyone refers to it as ‘Toria’s car’.
“Great. I’ll tell my mom I need her in the car with me and I’ll drive over to pick you up,” she said enthusiastically.
“No, it’s fine. I can walk over,” I said quickly. Toria’s driving skills are… let’s just say limited. She’s been practicing for a while, however I’m not sure practicing is doing her any good so far.
“You're sure? It takes a while to walk over to my house,” she reminded me. I hesitated. Walking to her house would take too long, Mom wasn’t home to drive me, and there were no local buses that went through her neighborhood. My only real option was her driving me to her house.
“Oh, fine. You can drive me to your house,” I groaned.
“Awesome! I’ll be there in six!”
“Please- we both know it will be three with how fond you are of the gas pedal,” I countered.
“Hilarious. Go stand outside,” she commanded me before hanging up. I got up from the couch with a sigh and shuffled upstairs. Part of me was still wishing I would find Austin sitting at my kitchen table doing homework. But, alas, it wasn’t meant to be. There was no Austin sitting at the table, no Austin doing homework, and worst of all, no Austin with a beautiful smile sitting there staring at me. I grabbed a house key from the hooks installed on the side of the kitchen wall before walking to the front door. I checked it was tightly locked before slipping outside and sitting down on one of the lawn chairs on the porch while I waited for Toria. Not a second after I had sat down, the gray-green SUV came tearing around the corner, ignoring the yield sign. I couldn’t help but shake my head and laugh as Toria pulls up the driveway, head stuck out the window with her tongue out like a dog’s.
“You’re insane!” I shouted to her as she put the car in park.
“You know it!” she yelled back to me. I opened the door to the back, bracing myself for the car to take off like a rocket does when it shoots up towards the sky.
“God, Toria. Don’t you know what slow even is? Or a brake?” I screamed from the backseat.
“Yeah! It’s just not my style!” she called over her shoulder from the front seat.
“EYES ON THE ROAD!” I reminded her. I could hear Toria laughing in the driver's seat. She had to pull over to the side in the end because she couldn’t stop laughing.
“Kaleb, I’m going to need you to be quiet for the rest of the ride so I don’t wreck because you're hilarious,” she scolded me.
“Aye, aye,” I muttered gratefully, turning my body to stare out the window. The distant Chicago to the west of us stretched across the sky endlessly. I remembered the times my father would take my family into the city to watch touring Broadway performances. Everytime The Lion King, Wicked, or Hamilton came to the city, he would snatch tickets instantly. Just thinking of our treasured visits caused my eyes to sting and burn with memories. I couldn’t say anything to Toria out of fear of her crashing the car, so I bottled it back up inside just like the rest of my hidden emotions. I wasn’t ready for the world to know of them yet. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Not long later, the car swerved into Toria’s driveway. Her mom stepped out carefully once Toria set the car to park.
“Let me know if you need anything, Toria. I’ll be inside. Kenna’s bus will arrive in about twenty minutes.” She said, turning on her heel to walk back inside. The screen door slammed after her once she was inside.
“So. Where should we start?” I asked Toria, unbuckling my seatbelt.
“Probably the back where you are since that’s where pretty much anyone I drive sits. I’m fine with my seat being messy- at least for now,” she replied, undoing her seatbelt and opening her door to jump to the back. She snatched a pack of wet wipes and a small handheld vacuum from the trunk and tossed them at me, the wet wipes hitting me in the heat.
“Ow,” I muttered, picking the wipes and vacuum from where they had fallen to the floor of the car
“Alright,” said Toria with a grunt as she pulled herself over the seats to join me in the back row. “Let’s get started.” We both grabbed a wipe and started cleaning the part where the plastic met the window. We were silent, too silent for supposed best friends.
“How was your first day?” I asked, my back still towards her as I cringed at the dark streaks on the wipe.
“You mean besides the school almost burning down? Great. I was called a freak only twelve times instead of twenty like freshman year first day,” she murmured sarcastically. I turned and waved the nasty wipe in her face.
“If you expect this to just be thrown on the floor, your car is going to be just as messy,” I told her.
“Can you grab the dumpster from the garage? It’s the blue one on the left,” she asked me. I held the wipe as far away from me as I could, to the side so I didn’t have to walk through air it had touched. I gladly threw the filthy wipe into the trash and dragged it out to the side of Toria’s car. We both tossed our wipes in. Toria had gone through two more while I was getting the trash can.
“Seriously, Toria, what happened to make your car so dirty?” I asked her as we both climbed back in to keep cleaning. She answered with a shrug, turning on the vacuum and handing it to me.
“Will you vacuum the seats? I’m going to go grab some spray for the windows.” I nodded and ran it up and down the seats until they were almost clean enough to be called safe. Toria ran back out and pretended to spray me in the face with the bottle and wipe my face off with the rag she had brought out with her.
“Hilarious,” I deadpanned.
“It’s my trademark.” She moved on to cleaning the windows off while I continued to vacuum the seats to perfection.
“Wow, Kaleb. You’re really interested in cleaning the seats. Let me guess- this is the highlight of your day? Helping me clean my car?” she guessed.
“You could compete- and win- a trivia show with your extreme knowledge,” I told her, not looking up from the back of the passenger seat I was now focused on.
“I think we both could. What, with the random facts your family has stuck in your head and my pure talent and intelligence, we’d be a shoo in to win.” I snorted, turning off the vacuum and setting it down next to me.
“I know, right? Now, could you inspect my work for me?” I asked her, climbing out of the car so she could see. She traded places with me and studied every tiny detail of the back row.
“Sorry to disappoint you, Kaleb, but it has to be the best my car has ever looked,” she said, starting in such a way I was even upset with myself for not working hard enough to make the car look its best.
“Great. Should I move on to the front or help you with the windows?”
“Definitely the front. But I’ll warn you- it’s like an earthquake, hurricane, flash flood, tsunami, tornado, and volcanic eruption came through and no one has bothered to clean it up yet,” she warned me. Unfortunately, she was exactly right. It was absolute chaos up there. How could one person make such a huge mess? Was she going for some sort of messy car record? Why on earth would she let her car be this messy? How one earth could she even stand this mess? It hurt me to even look at it, seriously. My eyes were strained and burning from just looking at the abandoned coffee cups and candy wrappers surrounding every inch of her seat. The passenger seat looked like it was in a completely different world thanks to the drastic change from hectic chaos to gentle touches of mess. How could she live like this with such a messy car? Didn’t it hurt her like it hurt me?
“Toria, what on earth happened up here? Other than the multitude of horrible natural disasters that rolled through here recently,” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
“Well, the disasters knocked me out so I’m not quite sure how it ended up like this,” she replied, just as sarcastic as I had been. I started on the passenger’s side, throwing wrappers and food remains in the trash can outside the car. I grabbed the vacuum from the back and used it for the rest of the front, cleaning up what I was too disgusted to touch.
“Ew, Toria, what is this?” I shrieked, holding up a moldy apple, disfigured beyond recognition.
“Oh, I remember that! I meant to give that to my teacher last year!”
“LAST YEAR?!” I screamed at her. “TORIA! That’s disgusting!”
“Think it’s still good to eat?” I shot her a horrified look.
“Absolutely not! I can’t even touch that without feeling my skin burn away from the mold on it!” Toria fell over on the cement dying of laughter.
“Is that even possible?” she asked between gasps for air.
“If it isn’t, you’d find a way for it to happen!” I cried.
“You know me, I’m such a scientist.”
“Didn’t you fail science two years in a row?” I asked suspiciously.
“Yup. I have no idea how I’m in tenth grade after failing so much.”
“Middle school is really lenient about grades and failing and stuff like that. Wouldn’t be surprised if the teachers just wanted to be rid of you,” I told her in a monotone voice.
“‘Wanted to be rid of me’? Wow, Kaleb,” said Toria, faking a dramatic gasp. “I thought we were friends!” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“This is not a laughing matter, Kaleb! You just said my teachers wanted to be rid of me!” she cried.
“Oh, Tor, I’m just kidding,” I said laughing, using the nickname she despised.
“I know, I was joking around too. And don’t call me ‘Tor’,” she said, her tone switching from mockingly sweet to bitter and snappy.
“I won’t, I won’t,” I promised her, holding my hands to show I meant no harm like you would do with a frightened animal.
“I know you won’t if you know what’s best for you,” she threatened.
“Was that a threat, Victoria Deirdre Williams?” I asked, using her full name just to spite her.
“No, it was a threat from Toria Williams, Kaleb Logan Levillo,” she said, copying my use of her full name.
“Bringing out the full names?” I teased, although I was aware she had just used my full name as I had done to her.
“You know it. Remind me, what’s your full name mean?” she asked, lifting the rag to wipe a dead bug off the window.
“Kaleb means ‘devotion to God’, I know, gross. Logan means ‘hollow’. Levillo has a complicated history so I have no clue what it really means. What about you?” I said, switching the spotlight to her.
“Victoria means ‘victory’, but Toria means ‘conqueror’. Either way, my first name holds so much power over your weak name definitions. Deirdre means ‘broken-hearted’ and Williams means ‘son’,” she answered.
“So, your name basically means: Victorious broken-hearted conqueror son?” I said, eyebrows raised curiously.
“When you say it like that, I sound weak!” she cried, laughing so hard she had to hold on to the car to balance.
“At least when you feel weak I don’t have to be afraid of you!” I countered.
“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Toria said, leaning back against the car with a huge smile on her face.
“Probably,” I joked, knowing I had said much nicer things to her. We just sat there. Neither of us kept cleaning, but we didn’t laugh or joke around anymore. What had changed? I wondered.
“Toria?” I whispered, breaking the silence.
“Yeah?”
“Do you ever wish our differences were our strengths?” I asked, finally finding words to watch what I had always wondered.
“I mean, yeah. All my life, people have just viewed me as weird. The divorce really made school a lot worse for me. Not a lot of kids at our school have divorced parents, so they didn’t get. Plus, I’m literally just weird compared to everyone else. I was- and still am- the loudest, most outspoken person in my classes and people would avoid me. Maybe if my strength was being different, I could have been a superhero.”
“Good,” I said.
“‘Good’? How is my biggest weakness ‘good’?”
“No, I mean, I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels like that. I was the kid who wasn’t breathing when I was born. I’m technically not supposed to be alive right now. Just to add to that, I’m a triplet in a family the closet you can be to famous without being famous. When my Dad died, I was even freakier. My siblings are literally geniuses and when I wouldn’t ace a quiz, I suddenly was the ‘dumb’ one. I never had any friends until I met you and Austin so I stuck out like a sore thumb whenever we had to do group projects in school. Toria, no one ever understood me. When I was really little I used to dream about a world where all the ‘different’ people were suddenly famous and celebrated for being different. I used to wish I lived in that world, and I still do. I wish people understood how their words can ruin a person’s life and how that made them feel even more different. Like an outcast. Well, I’m tired of being an outcast. I’m tired of feeling like I never belong. I’m tired of it all, Toria. I just wish for once in my life, people would know how I feel. But they never will because that’s just the world we live in. There are times at night when I can’t sleep because my mind is so flooded with horrors of people being different. If differences were strengths… I can only imagine how happy I would feel if the world was like that. I can only dream,” I vented. Toria just gaped at me.
“Kaleb… I- I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was that… bad. You really feel like that?” I leaned back a bit, closing my eyes as if I had a headache and the blazing sun was making it worse.
“You really think I’d lie about something like that? Toria, I’ve felt like that all my life. I never stopped feeling like an outcast and freak.” Before I knew what was happening, Toria hugged me tighter than I’d ever been hugged in my life. When she pulled back, I saw her eyeliner was smudged from the tears streaming down her face.
“Oh, Toria, please don’t cry. I’m the one who should cry about my problems. Not you.”
“Kaleb, there should always be someone else there to sob with you when life just sucks. There should always be a friend ready to punch life in the face when the train goes off the tracks. There should always be someone fighting alongside you. There should always be someone to inspire you to keep going. Let me be that person for you. Let me help you fight this war that is your life.” I didn’t have words to express how much Toria’s words meant to me. There wasn’t an honor high enough to give her. I felt my heart thundering, unable to process that therapy I had just heard in less than a minute.
“Toria, that’s the most meaningful thing anyone has ever said to me in my life.” She hugged me tighter.
“This whole conversation is probably the most meaningful in both of our lives,” she said, taking it one step further.
“Most important conversation in this town,” I replied, taking it one step further. She caught on quick and replied with,
“In this state.”
“Oh, yeah? Try this country.”
“I’ll do you one better. This continent.” I thought for a moment before shooting back,
“This planet!” I cried. Toria thought for a second before answering with,
“This UNIVERSE!” she shouted, finishing the discussion. I thought desperately for something to add to it, but there was nothing I could think of that was larger than the universe.
“You win,” I mumbled. Toria did a fist pump and cheered for herself.
“HAH!”
“Don’t be a sore winner,” I reminded her.
“What’re you talking about? I’m such a gracious winner!” she told me.
“Oh, sure, Toria. Now come on, help me finish cleaning the front.”
“Ew, no. I’m not going up there! Why do you think I asked you to help me clean!” she said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes, expressing just how annoyed I was with her messy car.
“Well, then. Maybe I’ll just leave your car ever messier for you,” I threatened.
“You wouldn’t dare!” Toria banged her fist on the side of the car.
“I would,” I insisted. Toria rolled her eyes.
“Sure.” We both went back to cleaning. Not long later, all the windows were free of dirt and dead bugs. The back seat was clean and the front mostly was too. I was clearing some dried coffee stains from the dashboard while wondering how she had spilled coffee there.
“Finished!” Toria declared from the outside of the car, feet perched on a tire while she took her rag off the sun roof. I watched from inside as she threw the rag to the trash like she was a basketball star.
“So close,” I commented when the rag fell nearly a whole country away from the trash can, opening the door a bit so she could hear me.
“Be quiet,” she snapped sarcastically as she jumped down from the tire. I watched her pick the rag up and toss it into the trash where it belonged.
“Almost done?” she asked, turning back towards me.
“Nearly.” Just then, Kenna’s bus turned the corner. Inch by inch, moving as slow as a sloth, it stopped at the corner across from her house and I watched Kenna jump off the bus. She moved slowly, dragging her feet like she didn’t want to be going back home.
“Hey! Kenna!” Toria screamed, waving her arms frantically to her sister. Kenna froze, still standing in the middle of the street. The bus driver shouted at her to get moving.
“Stare at your sister on the sidewalk!” he screamed. Kenna looked back and waved apologetically at the driver. She moved towards us a bit faster, but her feet were still dragging.
“How was school?” Toria asked her like the perfect sister would. It was weird. Toria was nowhere close to the perfect sister. Kenna seemed suspicious too, raising her eyebrows.
“Um, good, I guess. Not as exciting as what I heard happened at your school.” Kenna’s soft voice always made me feel bad for her somehow. How innocent and naive she sounded made me want to hug her and tell her everything would be okay. Kenna was only eight. She deserved more than what she had. She deserved a sister that genuinely cared for her. No matter how much Toria tried to be there for her, I could tell it was never enough. Plus, her parents divorced when she was seven. That had to have hurt her. It would hurt any kid.
“Hi, Kenna!” I said a bit louder than I meant to. I watched her flinch a tiny bit, just enough that she looked so much more scared.
“Hi,” she whispered back.
“So, what did you hear happened at our school?” I asked, lowering my voice just enough so she wouldn’t flinch or jump again.
“I heard there was a fire. Is that why you're cleaning Toria’s car?” she said to me.
“Hey! I’m the one cleaning my car! Not Kaleb!” Toria lied.
“Both of us are cleaning her car, Kenna. But, yes. There was a fire at our school,” I said, covering for Toria.
“Did you see it? Was it bad?” Kenna begged to know. This was the most animated I’d ever seen her before and I’d know her for most of her life.
“No.” I shot Toria a look, warning her to be nice to poor Kenna. Just then, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw texts from my siblings and mother appearing on my screen. Nothing from Austin. Part of me felt… upset that he had yet to text me. Mila and Declan were frantically begging to know if I was okay after the alleged fire. Mom was calmer in her questions if I was alright, but she did ask if I had my stuff and if she would need to buy me new things if the school burned down. I texted Mila and Declan back to tell them I was okay if they counted cleaning Toria’s car to be okay. At first I almost didn’t answer Mom, but I remembered how she had been when important information was kept from her.
Yeah, don’t worry I’m okay. I don’t know about my stuff yet. I’ll tell you tomorrow. I started to close my phone when the text I had been waiting for appeared.
Hey. Sorry I rushed out of your house so fast. I breathed in a quick gasp, suddenly desperate for air.
“Kaleb? Are you good?” Toria asked me cautiously.
“Yeah. Fine. Why?” My words were short and separated in such a staccato way that reminded me of how perfectly articulated Mila and Declan would play their instruments when they used to be in band once upon a time when we were in middle school. I missed those days with all my heart. Those days made everything seem easy.
“I don’t know, you just suddenly looked like you saw a ghost. Did you get another creepy spam text thing?”
“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s fine, I assure you.” Toria raised her eyebrow suspiciously.
“You only talk like that-”
“Like what?” I interrupted.
“So proper and polished. But you only talk like that when you’ve been talking to your mom or someone in your family. Or when something’s wrong, and you haven’t been around your family since you got here so I have to assume something is wrong,” she finished, her voice hinted with an amount of suspicion with a touch of worry buried a layer below.
“Everything is fine, Toria. I think I’m going to ask my mom to drive me home. I’ll see you tomorrow at school maybe.” I took a step away from Toria. I noticed Kenna slipping inside the front door as quietly as possible.
“Okay,” she murmured. I watched her walk slowly back inside, not bothering to bring the trash can in or pull her car inside the garage. I didn’t pull my phone out to ask Mom for a ride, instead, once I was sure Toria wasn’t watching me from inside, I cut across the yard to Austin’s house. I didn’t hesitate to ring his doorbell. A low chime rang inside and I saw a teenage girl get off of the couch. Was this the wrong house? I panicked. Or did Austin have siblings he had yet to tell me about? The girl opened the door partially and sent a bone chilling glare my way.
“What?” she asked. Her voice was low, like an alto’s voice would be. Her skin was tanned and dark raven hair twisted its way down her back. Her eyes were the deepest shade of green I had ever seen. She looked… cruel, in a way. The dark shades of her eyes and dark made her seem sinister in such a way I almost ran.
“What?” she repeated, closing the door a bit more to cover part of her face.
“Sorry, but is Austin here?” I asked, stepping back from the door just a bit.
“You're here for my brother? What, are you going to beat him up? He doesn’t have any friends here!” She was laughing now. She nearly toppled over thanks to her thinking my wanting to see Austin was so hilarious.
“We’re friends,” I snapped.
“Sure.” She turned away from me and screamed Austin’s name. He walked slowly from what I guessed to be the basement.
“What, Mara?” he asked, drawing out her name as if he were annoyed.
“Your ‘friend’ is here,” Mara hissed through her teeth, putting finger quotations around the word friend.
“Oh. Hey, Kaleb,” Austin said, turning to smile warmly at me.
“Hi!” I peeped nervously. I felt my palms start to sweat and I telepathically screamed at them to go dry.
“Um, is everything okay? Why are you here? I was just at your house,” he said. Mara raised her eyebrows. She must not have known that detail about where Austin was.
“I just- it’s fine. I’ll go. I started to turn around but Austin grabbed my shoulder and turned me back around.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. Come in.”
“Why are you being so weird?” Mara asked Austin. She crossed her arms, waiting for an answer.
“My apologies, Kaleb. I forgot to introduce you to my horrible sister, Mara.” He waved his hand at Mara, accidentally hitting her forearm.
“I dare you to hit me again,” Mara threatened. Austin crossed his eyes which sent Mara reeling back.
“Run!” Austin shouted, grabbing my arm and pulling me down the stairs to his basement.
“What is your sister’s problem?” I asked, panting from the run down the steep stairs. Austin sighed, throwing himself onto the worn leather couch. I looked around his basement, surprised to see how quickly it had been thrown together considering yesterday it was a mess, a sorry excuse for a home.
“She has a lot of problems,” he muttered, staring at the coffee white walls blankly.
“What do you mean?” I asked him to elaborate.
“Well, for starters, she ended up in foster care from a bad situation-”
“Bad situation? How bad?” I interrupted, worried from his choice of words.
“Don’t worry. She wasn’t kidnapped or anything, but her parents weren’t the best people.” Austin took a deep breath before starting in on explaining what Mara had been through.
“Take all the time you need to explain it.” He nodded, taking another deep breath.
“Her mom was fifteen when she was born. Her dad was only a year older. They both wanted to be there for her- to be her parents. However, they didn’t have the support of either of their parents to support and raise their child. They ended up running away a few weeks before Mara was born and living in their friend’s basement while they waited for her birth. There were… let’s just say complications while her mom was in labor, and Mara was kept in the hospital for three weeks. During this time, the doctors discovered her parents had run away and quickly contacted their parents. Their parents refused to show up but kept track of their location if they decided to later call social services. Fast forward to three years later, there was a party at their house that ended up with the police being called. Long story short, Social Services showed up and took Mara away. She ended up here with us and our lives have never been the same. We don’t know the details of her situation, but she saw enough to permanently scar her for life. She’s seventeen- almost eighteen- now and the fact she still remembers scares me a little. What if she went through something really bad?” Austin looked really scared now, like he was legitimately worried that Mara had real post traumatic stress disorder from her past life. I was suddenly worried too.
“Wow…. That’s- that’s intense. Does she ever talk about it? I mean, she probably remembers parts of it even if she was three. I don’t think you can ever forget traumatic parts of your life no matter how hard you try.”
“Wise words, Kaleb Levillo.”
“You know my last name?” Why was I surprised? Of course he knew my middle name! The teachers called it for attendance all day!
“Obviously. I heard it all day. Plus, your family is probably the most well-known in Illinois. Well, that is, the most known living family. I think Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly.” I gasped.
“You know Chicago?” I squealed gleefully.
“Of course! Who doesn’t?”
“Anyone that doesn’t have a major obsession with Broadway or musical theater. Or anyone that doesn’t live in Illinois,” I answered his rhetorical question. Austin laughed in response, ignoring how I’d answered a question not meant to be answered.
“Were you over at Toria’s? How’d you get over here?” Austin asked, changing the subject.
“Yeah. I stayed until I got your text and decided I’d rather be with you than cleaning Toria’s car.” I felt my face flush before going completely red.
“I hope you didn’t just ditch her for me; I’m nothing special.” Yes you are, I thought. But I refused to say it out loud. He would think I was even weirder if I told him he was special.
“No. Really. It’s fine. We had finished cleaning for the most part and I was getting bored of Toria and her desperate need for me to always be the one doing her work,” I told him, wishing I was brave enough to share what I really thought about him.
“Oh. Good.” He spoke in a monotone voice, like he wasn’t sure if what I had said was good or not.
“Has Mara ever met her parents? After she ended up with your family, I mean,” I asked curiously. I wondered what it would be like to be separated from your family like Mara had been. Did she miss them? Did she despise them for what they had done? Does she wish she still lived with them?
“No, not really. I mean, they’ve tried to see her and talk to her a few times but they were never allowed to. Plus, everything got worse- a lot worse- after she was taken.”
“How much worse? What happened?” Austin hesitated to tell me. Something really bad must have gone down.
“Her dad got in trouble with the law a year after she was taken. He ended up in jail for a year. Her mom was forced to go to rehab when Mara was seven. She’s out now, but she still struggles immensely. Mara has asked her therapist about meeting them- for real- when she’s eighteen, but for now she can’t because she’s still a minor.”
“She sees a therapist?” I was a bit surprised. I had seen a therapist when I was younger to talk about the anxiety my near death as a child had caused me. I was supposed to start going again when my dad got sick, but when he suddenly died and the cloud- no- hurricane of grief caught over us, we never got around to finding a therapist.
“Yeah. Everyone in my family does. Moving a bunch and losing everyone you become friends with really takes a toll after a while. I started seeing one for the first time when my friend got sick,” he elaborated.
“Oh. I used to see one too,” I whispered.
“Yeah? Can I ask what for?” I froze. Did I really want him to know how I almost died? I was silent for a moment. My thoughts ran wild as I contemplated telling him or not.
“I-”
“You don’t have to tell me. If it’s personal-”
“It is. But you deserve to know,” I absentmindedly interrupted him.
“Are you sure?” He double checked with me.
“Yeah.” He waved his hand to me as if he were giving me the stage and spotlight. I took another deep breath.
“When I was born, I wasn’t breathing. The doctors rushed me to the ICU where they finally were able to save my life. I was there for a while bouncing back and forth between healthy and sickly. Everyday was a struggle to survive. But I did, miraculously. Everyday since then, I’ve had countless doctors appointments to make sure my lungs are continuing to work right. But I lived. I lived, Austin. I wasn’t supposed to, but I did. I don’t know why I got to live when thousands of others don’t get that gift. Why do I deserve it? I swear, I’m going to do something. Something big, something to prove I deserve this life I’ve been gifted. I don’t know what that will be, but I will do something big. Think of it as a thank you to the doctors who saved my life. I want them to be able to say they saved a kid who was worth something, not some kid who will grow up to be something simple, like a plumber. I’m going to do something worthwhile. And if I don’t… then saving me was worthless.” What was it with me and venting today? FIrst to Toria, now to Austin.
“You're going to do something, Kaleb. But you are not worthless. You are special to me and everyone else in your life. Don’t give up on yourself,” Austin said to me. I felt my eyes stinging. Venting to Austin made everything seem better. It was like magic.
“Thanks,” I whispered. “You're special to me too.”
“Glad we both agree that we think the other is special. Both of our opinions are facts.”
“They should be in textbooks, our legacy,” I joked.
“Probably should be published in novels, just to be safe,” Austin joked back.
“Ah, yes. Novels. That is a safe bet. Novels would probably be able to cover about half of our legend. If they can’t, we’ll make it a series.”
“A series is a better idea. That means we can cover every inch of our life accurately and show everyone how amazing we are.”
“Show every bully, tormentor, and every single person who doubted us at one point or another that we overcame and we beat their doubts,” I said, suddenly more serious and positive it would happen. I was sitting up straighter, like just the thought of showing everyone who I ended up being was holding me up.
“Exactly. Maybe writing that is what you could do with your life. I mean, you know our stories better than anyone. You're the best person to write it; I’ve never been that good at writing and keeping my pen up with the rapid fire thoughts shooting through my head,” Austin told me.
“I get that. Thoughts are confusing. They never seem to make sense. They always want to push through my head, sometimes they’re actually good ideas, but most of the time I lose them before I can catch if they’re good or not,” I explained.
“That’s so true!” Austin cried.
“Ugh, why do thoughts have to be so annoying?” I asked, faking being dramatic.
“We should sue our thoughts,” Austin replied, faking just as much drama as I had been.
“For how much? Hopefully enough to successfully buy an agent or editor or whatever it is you need to become an author so we can publish the story of our lives,” I said in a posh voice.
“Yes, yes. Let’s get all the writing things to show the world just how spectacular we are,” Austin cheered, speaking with the same posh sounding voice I had used.
“Excellent!” I cried joyfully.
“Hey! You two! Keep it down!” screamed Mara from the top of the stairs.
“Sorry, Mara!” Austin yelled back.
“I can barely hear myself think up here!” Mara exaggerated.
“I’m sure you can hear yourself think if you were able to think that!” Austin countered.
“Ugh!” Mara screeched, sounding like an Asian Koel bird. I had researched them in sixth grade science.
“Calm down, your royal majesty!” laughed Austin. I felt the corners of my lips tilt upward from hearing their natural sibling fighting. They didn’t even act like Mara was adopted. I never had much of that with my siblings. I wished I would have. Oddly enough, I wish we would have fought more, as crazy as that sounds. We always just quickly agreed with the others and didn’t take the learning ability we were given and we didn’t take the chance to learn more about each other through our fighting.
“You two seem to get along well,” I commented once Mara and Austin stopped yelling, not trying to be sarcastic.
“Oh, yeah. You can easily tell, can’t you. We don’t scream at each other at all,” he muttered sarcastically.
“No, really. You two get along really well. Your arguing just strengthens your bond!” I cried, trying to prove to him he was really fortunate to have a sister.
“I guess, but most of the time we get really mad at each other. That was nothing,” he mumbled with a laugh.
“That’s better than the relationships I had with my siblings,” I said under my breath, looking out the basement that stared out at his backyard, surrounded neatly by a fence.
“I thought you got along well with your siblings?” Austin asked to clarify.
“I guess, but we never fought. Ever.”
“Isn’t that good though?” Austin sounded confused, like he didn’t understand why never arguing wasn’t good.
“No. Arguing is scientifically proven to strengthen bonds. My siblings and I literally never fought. Never, Austin.”
“That’s weird,” he said surprised. “Did your parents get mad every time you would get upset with the other? Were you just not allowed to fight?” he asked, trying to find the deeper meaning.
“No. We just never had any disagreements growing up. It’s weird.”
“But wait, what’s this you said about scientifically proven strengthening bonds from fighting? What, when you were a kid did you just google random science facts to impress people later in life? Because it’s working.” His joke sent a random flutter through my heart. Why? I forced my mind past the last part.
“Yeah. That’s what happens when your parents are strict and all about education.”
“I don’t get it. How’d your siblings get into some gifted program when you are just as smart as them? You could have easily gone too. However, if I’m going to make this about me, I’m sort of glad you didn’t go. If you had gone, I would have never met you. And meeting you saved me.” I saved him? How on Earth did I manage to do that? I was nothing special!
“I saved you?” I whispered.
“Yeah,” he replied. “And I’m really glad you did. I don’t know what I’d do if I hadn’t met you and found out we had every class together.” He finished the last part quickly, like the words were fire he couldn’t wait to get out of his mouth.
“I’m glad we got to meet one another too,” I answered. I couldn’t help but smile. Learning that I saved him, well, it seemed to save me too. I looked around his basement once more.
“Have you ever seen The Office?” Austin asked out of the blue.
“No, but I’ve heard about it. Is it any good?”
“‘Is it any good’?” Austin cried. “It’s amazing!” I couldn’t help but laugh once more thanks to his enthusiasm about the show.
“I have to assume it’s about an office?” I made a wild guess.
“Correct, Kaleb. See, this is why you're an absolute genius like your siblings! You can guess what a show is about with zero clues in the title!” I rolled my eyes, silently laughing at his joke.
“Hilarious, Austin. You're so smart to recognize that.” Austin shook his head, laughing. He pulled the show up on the screen, forgetting to change the episode. I noticed the title ‘Launch Part Part Two’ lit up in the corner of the screen, but Austin didn’t notice it. The episode was hilarious, but I won’t dare spoil it for anyone.
“Oh my goodness, Austin!” I choked out between sobs of laughter. “That was probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!”
“I knew you would like it. I hope someday I can work in a place as funny as that, but I doubt it. These people are paid to be funny and entertain us. No one can ever compare to their humor,” Austin said.
“I concur. Those actors deserve hundreds of awards for their show,” I agreed with a smile, forgetting I was around Austinn and to use modern day language.
“You concur?” Austin cried, toppling over from laughter. I felt my face blush a deep crimson from embarrassment.
“Sorry. I meant that I agreed with you that the actors were funny,” I apologized quickly.
“I figured. You do know that I know that ‘concur’ means, right?”
“Oh, right. Yeah. Sorry.” My words were short and I felt a sick feeling in my stomach from embarrassment.
“Really, Kaleb. It’s fine! I know what you meant. You don’t need to keep apologizing.”
“Right. Sor-” I caught myself just before apologizing again.
“Really. Stop,” Austin begged me, squinting his eyes closed as if I were causing him a headache from my continued apologizing. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time, surprised to see it was nearing five o’clock. I felt my jaw drop. How had several hours already passed?
“So, I should probably get home shortly. I need to eat dinner and if you have any homework to do ....”
“Oh, yeah that would make sense. But I don’t have any homework. Same classes, remember? We weren’t assigned anything. I’m free for the rest of the night but if you have to get home I can ask my sister to drive you home if you need a ride,” he suggested.
“That would be great!” I thanked him, relieved I wouldn’t have to go back over to Toria’s and ask for a ride. I knew Mom wouldn’t be home until five-forty-five, but staying at Austin’s might make her suspicious. I wasn’t going to do that. I raced up the stairs behind Austin. He met Mara in the living room, scrawled across the floor while absentmindedly watching some sort of reality show on the impressively large TV.
“Mara!” Austin yelled over the loud shouting coming from two women on the screen. No reply.
“Mara!” he tried again, louder. I located the remote next to her hand. I reached forward and muted the TV. My act caused her to leap off of the carpeted floor and jump when she noticed Austin and me standing there.
“Hey! This is a good part!” she cried, pointing a navy blue nail at the muted TV.
“So? Kaleb needs a ride home and you're the only one who can drive here,” Austin explained, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Can’t he catch a bus or something?” Mara asked, sighing like the thought of driving her brother’s friend home was too much work for her to possibly accomplish.
“Come on, Mara. Please?” Austin begged, starting to give up.
“What’s in it for me?” Mara asked, smirking gently.
“I’ll do your chores for three weeks,” Austin suggested.
“That means I don’t get the money for doing that, and my friends and I want to go to the mall over the weekend. Try again,” she demanded.
“I’ll pay you for driving me home,” I offered, cutting into the conversation.
“How much?” Mara turned towards me, raising her neat dark eyebrows as if she were impressed by my offer.
“Twenty dollars?” I proposed.
“Deal.” She stuck her hand out and I shook it. She walked out of the room.
“Where are you going?” Austin called after her. “Kaleb needs a ride home now.”
“I’m getting my keys and license, chill,” Mara shouted from the kitchen.
“Great. Well, Austin. It was nice seeing you. I’ll see you again tomorrow if the school didn’t burn down,” I told him, giving him a quick hug before rushing to the garage where Mara was beckoning me to go. Austin waved at me, letting his arm snap down to his side after I hit the garage steps. Mara’s car was rather impressive for a seventeen year old girl. It was a navy blue SUV that matched her painted nails perfectly. It was clean, a direct antonym for Toria’s car even after we cleaned it.
“Well? Are you coming?” Mara asked me, pointing to the passenger seat.
“Oh. Right. Yeah, I’m coming,” I answered, rushing towards the car. Mara was a surprisingly good driver. But the drama started after we turned the first corner.
“So, Kaleb,” Mara started. Her icy voice was suddenly sending nervous chills down my spine. What did she want?
“Yeah?” I said through clenched teeth.
“What’s your deal with my brother? None of his old friends hugged him before they left his house, especially after knowing him for- what- two days?” I felt sick to my stomach. Oh no. I wasn’t careful enough.
“This is Illinois. People act, uh, different here,” I lied.
“Obviously.” Her green eyes sent a look over me that only horrified me more. She knew something I wasn’t ready for anyone else to know yet. How had she figured it out so easily?
“But, seriously, do you have a crush on him or something?”
“NO!” I shrieked, pretending to be horrified by the very idea.
“No? Really?” The way she dragged out the first syllable of the word ‘really’ made everything worse. How did she have this power over people’s emotions? And how could I get that for myself?
“Really. I don’t- I don’t like him like that,” I insisted.
“You stuttered,” she pointed out.
“No- no I didn’t,” I said, regrettably stuttering again.
“Ah. There it is again,” she said mockingly, like she were teasing a small child. I grimaced, trying to force myself to stare out the window and ignore her.
“I don’t,” I tried to tell her, but once again she laughed slowly.
“Kaleb, I’m a seventeen-year-old girl, I know when people like each other,” Mara stated.
“Well, your instincts are wrong this time around,” I snapped in such a tone that I knew Toria would have been proud of.
“My instincts are never wrong,” Mara informed me in a sharp tone.
“Today they are.” Mara nearly crashed the car, swerving violently at my words. Thankfully, there were no other cars traveling on the road with us so there was no crash.
“I can’t believe you,” Mara hissed through her teeth. I didn’t reply. Instead, I focused on the passing trees on my window. I wasn’t going to deal with this today. I couldn’t deal with this today. We were both, thankfully, silent for the rest of the car ride. Right before I stepped out of the car, Mara grabbed my arm out of nowhere and sent me a look that terrified me even more than I had been in my life.
“Stay. Away. From. My. Brother.” Her eyes narrowed. “I mean it, freak.” I twisted my arm out of her grasp and rushed out of the car. She stayed in the driveway until I was safely inside my house. I locked the door tightly, just in case she got any wild idea. Mom wasn’t home yet. I walked up the narrow stairs to my room, shutting the door loudly behind me. I felt the walls shake from the force, but it didn’t bother me. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, finding Austin and my texts.
Your sister is crazy! I texted in a panic. He texted back immediately.
Duh. What’d she do to you?
Nothing. I didn’t dare tell him what Mara had asked me.
Are you sure? You sounded worried. Austin pointed out.
It’s fine, I swear. I tried to convince him.
Okay. Good. Sorry you had to drive home with her. Austin apologized.
It’s fine. Really. I told him. There was no reply. I threw my phone down onto my pillow angrily. Why was everything so hard? I left my phone in my room as I walked down the stairs. I found myself staring at the pictures of my Dad on the wall. I felt tears sting my eyes. I missed him so much. Everyday without him was so much harder. It felt like my heart was slowly faltering more and more the longer I went on without him. Was it possible to feel this much grief? Was it possible to feel like I was dying from the inside out? Was I the only one that felt like this? How could I be expected to keep surviving like this? Without the one person who understood me the most out of anyone in this huge, lonely world. Did Mila feel like this? Did Declan? I knew Mom had to have felt exactly like me. They had known each other for so long. They had stood up for each other for so much of their lives. Mom had to be suffering without him. Was it possible to understand the other’s pain without knowing them? Mom had never known me as well as Dad had. But then again, Dad never got to know the one detail of my life I wished he could have known before he died. Mom would learn about that. Maybe. Hopefully. Someday. But not today. Not for a long time, probably. I took in the details of each picture. The way his clothes looked. His expressions. How happy he looked in each one. Did he know how little he had left? Did he ever realize each day with us might be his last? How did he even go about wrapping his mind around that? Did he ever wrap his mind around that? Would I, when the time came? Did anyone? Was anyone ever really ready to die?
Chapter Five
By the time Mom got home, I had already eaten. I had sat in solitude for the rest of the day after I left Austin’s house. I wasn’t ready to be around other people after my thoughts. Those thoughts had hurt to think about. They had hurt to even think of them in the first place. Mom had called me down to dinner not long after she arrived.
“How was your day?” she asked, unfolding the napkin on her lap and starting in on her dinner. I could tell she wasn’t too interested in how my day had gone. She was just trying to make small talk.
“Fine,” I answered, staring at the plate in front of me.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” Her fork hovered in front of her face as if she were about to take a bite. Or maybe it was to remind me of how to use a fork.
“No. I already ate,” I informed her softly.
“You couldn’t tell me that before I made you a plate?” she said exasperated.
“Sorry. I guess I forgot,” I apologize without emotion. She simply sighed and went back to eating. We didn’t speak to one another for the rest of our meal, but I could tell we were both annoyed and tired with the other one. Not long later, I stood and scraped my food into a plastic container. Mom watched me pack my food into the rather empty fridge without saying a word. After I closed the metallic fridge doors, she stood and started washing her plate.
“I thought I lost you today,” she admitted, head bent over the sink.
“What? But I’m fine. I’m here,” I replied, not sensing the sadness to her voice. She must have really thought I was gone.
“After your Dad died, I got incredibly protective of you and your siblings, but as protective of you as I should have been. When I got the call from the school about the fire, my mind went straight to the worst case scenario. I was so scared I had lost you, my last kid that has yet to grow up and live on his own.” I was still silent. I was surprised to hear how worried she had been about me.
“Why weren’t you as protective towards me as you were to Mila and Declan?” I asked.
“When you were a baby and had to stay in the hospital for so long, I was prepared to lose you at any second, Kaleb. I never thought I’d get to watch you grow up. That’s why I never got to connect with you as much as your siblings. Because I was afraid of knowing you and then losing you. I couldn’t do that, Kaleb. But I do want to know you. I want to know you so bad it hurts.” Once again, I was frozen. Did she really want to know me that bad? I can’t remember ever wanting to know someone that badly. Would I ever wish to know someone like she longed to know me?
“Are you telling the truth?” I questioned, not believing her.
“Have I ever lied to you, Kaleb?” I was silent as I searched my memory. After all the memories I still had were searched, I could not find one where she lied to me. How did she manage to stay so honest?
“No,” I admitted.
“There you have it. I’ve never lied to you, Kaleb. I desperately want to know you.”
“I want you to know me too,” I replied.
“Why don’t you stay home from school tomorrow and we can do something just the two of us? We can go wherever or stay home and just talk to one another. Learn about the other,” she suggested. Part of it appealed to me, but what teenage boy spends the day just talking to his mother? As much as I would enjoy not going to school, I didn’t want to leave Austin all by himself.
“Could we do it over the weekend?” I asked.
“I suppose, if you don’t want to miss school.”
“Yes, that’s it. School is really important to me if I want to be like Mila and Declan at some point,” I lied. Here I was, lying to a woman who never lied, at least to me.
“But you are as smart as Mila and Declan,” she told me.
“No, I’m not. If I was as smart as them, I would be somewhere exotic learning to be even smarter,” I muttered.
“Kaleb, you could have gone, but I didn’t sign you up. I knew I was going to lose your siblings when they went away, but I knew them. I didn’t want to lose the kid I didn’t know. I couldn’t. It’s my fault you didn’t get to go with them even though you deserved to go.”
“What?” I cried, shocked at her sudden honesty. So she had lied to me. ANd about such a big thing.
“I’m-”
“NO!” I screamed at her, slamming my fist down on the counter.
“I really didn’t think-”
“You’re right. You didn’t think. You didn’t think I would want to go with my only siblings and learn to be just as smart as they are. And you did it for selfish reasons. You didn’t think of my future, Mom. You didn’t think about how I would feel about this,” I snapped.
“I really am sorry, Kaleb. I understand it was selfish, but it didn’t occur to me how much you would care about this,” she whispered.
“I can’t believe you,” I hissed angrily.
“I-”
“Don’t. I’m going to try calling Mila and Declan. They should know what you did not just to me, but what you did to them too,” I interrupted. She nodded, staring down at the sink. It was that moment that I took in how sad she really was. Her raven hair fell down in a way that made her look less severe, like she was too sad and upset to bother fixing it. I stared at her for a moment more, beforing turning on my heel and walked up the stairs. I couldn’t face her. I pressed Declan’s contact first. Thankfully, he answered immediately.
“Kaleb! Hey!” His cheerful voice only seemed to remind me of what I was missing out on.
“Kaleb?” he repeated after I didn’t answer.
“I’m here,” I whispered, my voice heavy with uncried tears.
“What’s going on?” he asked me, lowering his voice as if he sensed what had happened.
“I could- I could have gone with you and Mila. I could have been in Latvia or Uruguay now,” I told him.
“What? How is that even possible?” He was astounded.
“Mom almost put my name on the consideration list like she did with you and Mila. But she didn’t. She didn’t want me to go. You two got chosen, and there was a chance I could have been too had she not taken my name off,” I whispered.
“Wow. That’s horrible. I’m so sorry, Kaleb,” he apologized sincerely.
“Thanks. But it isn’t your fault,” I told him.
“I can’t believe Mom would really do something like that. How’d you find out?” he asked, pressuring for more details.
“I was downstairs with her while she ate, and it just came out. She didn’t even seem to hesitate when she told me. It just all came out,” I informed him.
“Wow,” he repeated. “Have you told Mila yet? Or do you think she already knew?” Declan sounded so concerned. So worried. I wished I could have been there with him, telling him all this in person. But if I had gone, I would have never met Austin. The pros and cons of the situation were suffocating.
“No,” I said, getting around to answer Declan’s question.
“Go. Go call her. She might be sleeping, but we both made an agreement to answer you or Mom at any point of the day you called.”
“Alright. And thanks, for agreeing to answer me at any point of the day. It means a lot to know you would break away from your work just to talk to me,” I thanked him.
“You’re welcome. Now, go talk to Mila,” he commanded me.
“Okay,” I said through a laugh at his mock commanding tone.
“Bye, Kaleb. Have a great week.”
“Bye, Declan. Good luck in Latvia,” I said. Then we both hung up at the same time. Hanging up at the same time, for some odd reason, just seemed to remind me that we were triplets and doing things in sync was something we hadn’t done in a while. I ignored the thought, and moved on to calling Mila. She answered after three rings of the line.
“Kaleb!” she squealed into the phone loudly. It sounded like she was screaming into my ear.
“Hey, Mila. Sorry if I woke up,” I apologized.
“You did, but it’s fine. If it means I get to talk to you, my favorite middle brother, I’ll gladly wake up at any hour,” she said. I could practically hear her smiling through the phone.
“So, what’s up?” she asked.
“Well…,” my voice trailed off. For some weird reason, it felt a bit harder to tell her what Mom had done.
“Kaleb? Is something wrong?” She sounded just as concerned, if not more, as Declan had.
“I could have gone with you and Declan,” I told her quickly, not bothering to elaborate.
“What?” she asked, confused.
“Mom almost put my name on the list with you and Declan, but she took me off at the last second. She didn’t want to go,” I explained.
“What!” she shrieked, suddenly understanding what I was telling her. “How could she do such a thing?” Her voice raised more and more with every word.
“I don’t know. Something about wanting to know me before she let me go,” I said vaguely.
“That is selfish and ridiculous of her. How dare she keep from accomplishing something so big?”
“Thanks for understanding,” I mumbled to her.
“Of course! I still can’t believe Mom did that. Do you want me to talk to her? Or ignore her for a while so she knows I’m upset with her?” she asked, fully prepared to do crazy things to prove to Mom she was on my side, not her’s.
“No, it’s okay. You can still talk to her, maybe a little bit less, but please, still talk to her. She seems so sad without you, Declan, and Dad. I don’t want her to be even more sad if you stop talking to her,” I explained, suddenly feeling a bit of sympathy for Mom. She had lost quite a bit. I could imagine that losing another person in her life would just tear her apart.
“Are you sure?” Mila double checked.
“Positive,” I assured her.
“Okay. Sounds good. I think I’ll hang up and yell- talk- to her if that’s all you need to tell me.” I didn’t know what I was thinking, but suddenly I was telling her something no one else knew.
“I think I have a crush,” I said quickly. I didn’t realize the words coming out of my mouth for a second, but once I did I covered my mouth with my hand as if that could push the words back inside so she couldn’t hear them.
“Really?” she squealed gleefully into my ear. “What’s her name?” she begged to know.
“Austin,” I whispered. She didn’t say anything for a long moment.
“‘Austin’,” she repeated, trying to figure out what I meant by that.
“Yeah. That’s what I said.
“Wow…. Just… wow. Kaleb, I had no idea,” she admitted.
“Well of course you didn’t know. You’re in a different country than me,” I attempted to joke.
“Yeah, but you’re my brother. I should know when something this big is in your life.” Mila was very clearly upset, but not about what I had told her. She was upset that she hadn’t known.
“It’s okay, Mila. This is just who I am.”
“Does anyone else know?” she asked. “About… about your crush? Or that you’re-”
“No,” I interrupted her. For some reason, I wasn’t ready to hear the label. Maybe hearing the label would make it real, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted it to be real.
“Okay,” she breathed. “Okay. Well, um, if that’s everything, I’m going to go call Mom. But I won’t tell her what you told me. That’s your news to share, not mine.” I let out a sigh of relief. I had heard stories before of people being outed. I could only pray that never happened to me.
“Bye, Mila.”
“Bye, Kaleb. I love you so much. So unbelievably much. You know that, right?”
“Oh, Mila. Of course I know that. I know with all my heart how much you love me. I know you love me with everything you are and that’s a bit shocking to me.”
“Shocking? Why does it shock you? I’m your sister; it’s my job to love you, and look out for you. I think I’m the boss of this sister business,” Mila joked, partially serious.
“Oh, definitely. You’re in charge of the whole sister operation, Mila,” I replied to her joke.
“You can’t tell but, I just did a hair flip.” I snorted, rolling my eyes. I never admitted it much, but Mila was actually very funny.
“I should grow my hair out so we can both do hair flips,” I said sarcastically. I could already picture us flipping our brown hair crazily all the time. Part of me was tempted to do such a thing, or at the very least buy a wig with insanely long hair.
“You should,” agreed Mila.
“Weren’t you going to go?” I reminded Mila, most of me not wanting her to go.
“Yeah, I can if you want me to.”
“You can, but you don’t have to. I miss talking to you as much as we used to, mila,” I whispered.
“Tell you what, I’ll hang up and shout at Mom for you, and you can call your crush,” Mila said, giggling. The way she held out the word ‘crush’ made my stomach turn cartwheel after cartwheel, somersault after somersault.
“Ugh, you’re so annoying sometimes, you know that?” I told her, making sure my voice dripped with sarcasm so she knew I was only kidding.
“Obviously,” she laughed. “Bye for now, Kaleb. I miss you.” I smiled gently and pressed my index finger to the end call button, refusing to say goodbye to her. Saying goodbye meant the conversation was over, and I wasn’t so sure that ending the conversation would make me happy. I could hear Mom’s phone ringing down the hall, signaling me that Mila was now calling her. I followed her rhetorical instructions and called Austin. The line barely even rang before he answered.
“Kaleb!” he cried. The pure happiness in his voice only made me happier.
“Austin!” I squealed back.
“How-how are you?” he asked.
“I’m great, and you?” I said, my proper tone returning.
“I’m excellent, even more so now that I know my sister didn’t kill you driving you home,” he joked.
“I’m glad to be alive too,” I said, my smile growing.
“Thank God you're alive, I don’t think I could have faced school without you.” I could tell he was joking, but part of me felt guilty especially since I had nearly skipped school to spend a day getting to know a woman who kept me from accomplishing something she had been so excited for my siblings to do.
“Kaleb?” Austin’s voice sounded muffled, like he was speaking underwater. Or maybe it was just me zoning out. I couldn’t help but notice the slight Texas draw to his voice and the smoothness of it.
“What? Yeah, I’m here,” I said quickly, trying to pretend like I hadn’t just been listening to how beautiful his voice was. He laughed his perfect laugh. I loved being able to make him laugh. Him laughing might be an even more amazing sound than his voice.
“I knew you were there, I just wasn’t sure if you heard me.”
“Oh. No, I'm sorry, I didn’t. What did you say?” I asked, partially embarrassed that I had to ask him to repeat himself.
“I just wanted you to know that the fire was taken care of and we can go back to school tomorrow,” he informed me.
“That’s great!” I said, far too happy to have to go back to school tomorrow.
“Yeah, if you’re looking forward to dealing with that Andrew guy again.”
“Ugh, don’t even remind me,” I groaned.
“We should just transfer schools,” he suggested.
“We could just learn in the stairwell so we don’t have to interact with anyone,” I added.
“Can you tell me something?” Austin said out of the blue.
“Yeah, of course. What do you want to know?” I was a bit nervous. What did he want to know? Was it something about the car ride with Mara? If he asked me that, I’d be horrified. Sure enough, my worst fear came true.
“What- what did Mara do?” I sucked in a deep breath. Could I tell him? Or should I keep this lie up? Was I ready to know the truth?
“She- she asked if I had a…. She asked if I had a crush on you,” I admitted. Before he could say anything I started pretending to laugh and pretend like it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.
“Oh! That’s funny. Hahaha. She actually asked me if I liked you too when she got home. I didn’t think she’d ask you about liking me. Maybe she’s trying to set us up.” I wasn’t quite sure if he was joking with me or not. Maybe this was all a big joke. Maybe life itself was all a lie. All a joke. Maybe this was all an illusion.
“That’s funny. We both obviously told her we don’t think of each other like that, right?” Austin’s sudden silence was alarming. What if… no. It couldn’t. He didn’t think of me like that.
“Yeah. Totally. Um, Kaleb, I actually wanted to talk to you about something. Something important to me.”
“Yeah? What’s up?” I asked, leaning against my bed, a bit nervous about what he had to say.
“Toria mentioned there being a back to school dance? Next week?” The dance? What did I have to do with that?
“Yeah. I heard about it. Every sophomore knows about the dance and it’s all most of us have been talking about for a while,” I explained.
“Oh. Well, in that case… Would you want to-'' Just then, at the worst possible moment, my phone died. I suppressed a scream tearing its way through my lungs. Why?! Why at this exact moment did it have to die? I raced down the stairs, desperately searching for a charger. I’d call him back the second my phone had a little bit of battery. I plugged it in once I had found one and was safely back upstairs in my room. I sat there, not allowing my eyes to move from the device.
“Kaleb?” I heard a knock at my door. I froze. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my phone starting to light back up with battery.
“Um, can you come back later?” I asked desperately. I could not talk to Mom right now. I had to talk to Austin.
“No, dear. We need to talk.” Dear? She never called me that. She always reserved that term for Mila.
“No! Not now!” I shouted surprisingly loud. I could hear her draw back from the door. She didn’t say anything else as her footsteps moved away from my door. She was walking back to her room. I ignored my guilt and grabbed my phone. Five percent. That would be enough to talk to Austin, right? I could have the conversation with him now. I quickly dialed his number once again. He answered immediately.
“Austin!” I shrieked, so glad he answered me.
“Oh, good. I was worried you were upset with me. I didn’t think I’d ever talk to you again,” he admitted.
“Of course I’ll still talk to you!” I was shocked by what he said. Of course I’d still talk to him! How could I never speak to him again?
“So, if I can ask, why did you hang up?” Austin sounded worried about what I would reply with.
“Oh! This is actually kind of funny. My phone died. I know, really bad timing. But if I could have controlled it, I would have made sure it didn’t die at that moment. So, if you still want to continue, what were you saying?” I was hopeful he would continue, that he wasn’t disgusted by my phone’s untimely death.
“I was wondering… would you- would be so kind as to go to the dance with me?” he peeped nervously. My face exploded into smiles. He had asked me! Maybe he did like me!
“As friends? Or… as something else?” I asked, desperate for him to elaborate.
“What do you want to be called?” he asked, turning the question to me. I froze up. No, don’t ask me! I don’t know what to say! I wanted to scream, but kept my thoughts to myself.
“I- I would love to go with you,” I said, not answering his question for a moment.
“As friends?” he clarified. Was it just me, or did he sound sad when he said the word ‘friends’?
“As more than friends.” I felt the stomach pain I had felt since I met him disappear. I smiled gently even though he couldn’t see me. I had done it. I had told him.
“I would love that.” We both went silent for a while before I spoke up.
“Great. Now, I know this is probably bad timing, but could I call you again later? Or talk to you tomorrow? I think my mom wanted to talk to me just as I was calling you back,” I explained.
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. Works for me. I’ll see you tomorrow.” His words were all squished together like when the snow melts after winter. However, I could tell he was happy. I was too. No, not just happy. I was thrilled. I got to go to the dance with the boy I’d wanted to dance with since I met him.
“Bye, Austin,” I whispered into the line, not realizing that he had already hung up. I plugged my phone back in and walked towards Mom’s room. She was sitting on the bed with such atrocious posture I knew she would be disappointed with herself had she seen her. I was about to clear my throat when I saw what she was holding. In her hands was an old picture of my dad. It wasn’t a copy of one on the walls nor was it one I had seen before. No, this was a picture of him I had never seen before. I stood on tiptoe to look over her shoulder and take in more detail. The picture was from when he was young, nineteen, maybe. He was leaning against a railing to a huge building, perhaps a school. He looked so young and carefree. He had no idea what he was in store for. His clothes were simple, nothing close to the suits he wore after I was born. His hair was styled in such a way that it reminded me of my own. The light brown details made everything about him seem younger and more like he was a Levillo. In that exact moment the picture was taken, the photographer had captured the moment he was just himself, not a Levillo. He wasn’t trying to hold up to his rank. He was just himself and I could feel a sense of jealousy radiating from me. I wish I could be so carefree and happy. I wish I didn’t feel like I had to be Kaleb Levillo. I wish I could just be Kaleb. Just being Kaleb made everything so much easier. I moved away from studying the picture, and instead I focused more on Mom. Her hair was an absolute mess and I could hear choked sobs escaping her lips. But that wasn’t the most shocking part. No. The most shocking part was how she wasn’t in the same mourning dress she’d worn since he’d died. She was wearing an old sweatshirt of my Dad’s. It was old, worn, and fading. I didn’t think I’d seen that sweatshirt since he had been laying in his bed full of pain from being sick. Her legs were covered by black yoga pants. She didn’t look like Camira Levillo at that moment, just like Dad hadn’t looked like Jacob Levillo. She looked like a mom, my mom. I felt bad for her. She looked so beaten down, like her life had been torn apart. In ways, it had. She’d lost her husband, the love of her life. She’d lost two kids to them being geniuses. Her whole life had been her trying to hold up to the Levillo rank she’d married into and trying to keep elements from her maiden life as a Savoy. Before my mind captured what I was doing, I was sitting by her, my arms wrapped tightly around her as if I were trying to save her from her grief.
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “It’s all going to be fine. I know you miss him, I do too, but he would want you to be happy. He wouldn’t want you to waste your days sobbing over old pictures of him.” Her eye’s caught mine, and I suddenly noticed how many hazel elements there were in her eyes. The red rims to her tearful eyes made me feel like crying too. I wish she didn’t feel like this. I wish no one ever felt like this. I wish grief wasn’t a thing. Mourning had taken so much from so many people. I wish it could all just go away.
“I know,” she mumbled, wiping a fallen tear off of the twisted golden picture frame. “I just wish he were here to help me face all this pain.”
“And you know he would help in an instant if he could. But he can’t. Just think of how happy he would be to see you happy, Mom.” I was crying now too, but not loudly. I didn’t bother to hide my emotions and I let the tear stream down my cheeks.
“Since when did you get so grown up?” she asked, her voice a mixture of laughter and crying.
“Since I was given the gift of having a mom who helps push me through the hard things,” I answered honestly. Once again, she laughed a bit.
“I wish that were true.”
“But it is!” I cried, angling my body to hug her. “You are one of the strongest people I know, Mom. Don’t think for a second that you’re weak, because you aren’t. Just think of all you’ve faced. You were strong then and you’re still strong now.” She hugged me back.
“I’m so sorry for taking your name off,” she told me. I smiled gently. I wasn’t even worried about that anymore.
“It’s okay-” I started to say.
“No. It isn’t. I took something big from you. Mila called me to call me out on it and Declan texted me as well. You have a lot of people on your side that wished you could have been able to go, including me even though it may not seem like it,” she told me. I slowly stood up, pulling her up with me.
“I’m not mad. If I had gone, so many eventful things would have happened without me,” I told her, almost feeling grateful that I wasn’t there although I was still a touch bitter about her taking my name off.
“You promise you aren’t mad?” she double checked.
“Promise, Mom.” She pulled me in and hugged me again.
“Why don’t you go get some sleep? Remember, school is back on for tomorrow,” she reminded me gently. I nodded and stepped out of her room. I followed through with my nightly ritual and turned the light out not long after leaving her room. I slept great for once and woke up before my alarm even buzzed. I could hear Mom making breakfast downstairs and went through with my morning plan just like every day. I checked my phone and saw five texts, one from Mila, one from Declan, one from Austin, and two from Toria.
Hey, Kaleb. I texted Mom for you last night. Read Declan’s.
I called her. Let me know how it goes with your crush! I laughed softly, knowing if Mom still read my texts like she used to that I would be getting questioned within seconds after she saw that word. I moved on to Austin’s next.
Night, Kaleb! Excited to see you tomorrow! I smiled at his words. Next were Toria’s two texts.
Kaleb!!! What’s this I heard about you going to the dance?
Is it true? Are you really going? Her enthusiasm made my stomach clench up a bit. How’d she find out? Austin must have told her. I didn’t reply to any of the texts as I slid my phone into my pocket and walked downstairs. For the first time in a long time, I walked past Dad’s pictures without pausing and missing him instantly.
“Morning, Kaleb!” Mom called from the kitchen. I offered her a smile as I slid into a seat at the table. Mom swooped over and set a plate down in front of me. I didn’t hesitate to start eating. My food was gone within seconds along with the orange juice.
“You must have been hungry,” Mom said, stating the obvious.
“You know how hungry I get after sleeping,” I joked. She smiled and took my plate from in front of me without a word. I went back upstairs to finish my ritual and not long later I was standing outside waiting for the bus. The bus pulled to the stop slowly and I jumped on without hesitation. The bus driver started to greet me but I moved past him without a word. I located Austin sitting in the back. I smiled at him but it quickly faded once I saw Andrew a few seats away from him. I still continued to the back to sit next to Austin when Andrew grabbed my arm and yanked me into his seat. Before I could stand and move to sit with Austin, the bus started moving.
“Hey, freak,” Andrew hissed through his teeth.
“Let. Go. Of. Me,” I snapped. The next bus stop wasn’t for another ten minutes unfortunately so I wasn’t able to leap up right away and sit with Austin.
“What’s this little rumor I heard about you?” he said, holding up a piece of paper. I froze when I saw my name on it. And Austin’s.
“What is that?” I yelled. I saw the bus driver motion for me to lower my voice. I tried to rip it out of Andrew’s hand, but he jerked it away before I could do so. He cleared his throat and prepared himself to read aloud. I glared at him with such anger. How could he just sit there and laugh like what he was about to read wouldn’t ruin my life. I yanked the paper out of his hand as he waved it around my face as if he were showing me how easily he could hold this bully-level power over me. His face flashed with anger after I was successful in stealing it from him. I tore the paper up without hesitation. I had no plans to ever read it and as far as I was concerned, no one would ever read it ever. I stuck my finger in Andrew’s face.
“If you ever mention that paper, I will get people involved,” I threatened.
“What, you’re gonna snitch on me?” laughed Andrew. “Chicken,” he scoffed.
“If you even go near me again, you’ll regret it. I never want to see you or anyone in your pack ever again.” Ignoring the fact the bus was still moving, I stood and walked two rows back to Austin.
“Sit down!” screamed the bus driver. I ignored him, running on pure vexation.
“Kaleb?” Austin said to me when I sat down next to him. I must have looked furious. I didn’t reply. Instead I kept my gaze focused tightly on the back of the vandalized gray seat. I didn’t mean to ignore him, but I was deafened by the rage I was feeling. I was silent for the rest of the ride and if Austin tried to get my attention, I didn’t notice. When the bus pulled to a stop, I ran off the bus with Austin following close behind. We had just stepped off the bus when Andrew’s pack of goons appeared around the corner of another bus. Andrew got off right behind us and crossed his arms tightly.
“Get away from us, Andrew,” I snapped at him, trying to push through the semicircle his gang had formed. How had no teachers noticed the crowd starting to gather?
“I think… that we need to read that paper out loud,” said one of the shorter boys in the back of the pack.
“You’re right. Anyone got a copy of it?” Andrew called over his shoulder. Everyone turned and twisted around looking for someone who had a copy. I felt for the shreds of the ruined paper in my pocket. I couldn’t let him get it. I grabbed Austin’s arm and tried to pull him out of the circle. Andrew grabbed his other arm and pulled him back in the circle. I nearly lost my balance as Austin lost his grip on my arm, but I tumbled out of the circle. Before I could tell him to stop, Austin was lifting a fist and punching Andrew in the face. Dead silence. No one said anything as Andrew’s head snapped to the side and a steady stream of blood started to drip from his nose. Andrew looked back at Austin and I tried to cut in, but I was shoved back. The fight had started within seconds. I started screaming at the top of my lungs, begging both of them to stop.
“Both of you! Quit it!” I cried. I kept trying to fight my way around the others in the growing crowd, but I kept getting shoved back. My screams were silenced by the chanting by the others.
“Fight! Fight! Fight!” they yelled. A teacher started running towards us. I let out a grateful sigh. The crowd started to split and I reached forward, pulling Austin out of the mix. His face was bleeding and was horribly bruised.
“Austin, I’m taking you to the nurse,” I told him.
“The nurse will know. I can’t just say I fell. She’ll see right through it, Kaleb. Just let me go with the teacher. I’ll own up to my actions. I started the fight,” he said.
“No, you didn’t! Andrew did! I’ll testify for you or whatever you do in a school setting to prove you didn’t do anything! Andrew provoked you! All you did was stand up for yourself!” I cried. My raised voice alerted the nearby teacher.
“I have a feeling you were involved in this?” she asked, waving a hand at Austin’s cut face.
“No, he just, um, fell this morning,” I lied.
“He ‘fell’? I don’t think a fall can do that type of damage.” She was picking her way through the lie easily.
“Well, he did. I was there.” My lie was growing by the second, and Austin had yet to say a word. I sent him a look, begging him to agree with the lie. Of course, he didn’t listen to my silent pleas.
“No. I was involved in the fight,” Austin admitted.
“Come on then,” the teacher said, waving her hand to signal him to follow her. I could only watch as Austin was led away. I forced my feet to move, and they did. Slowly. I arrived in homeroom a few minutes later. Seeing Mr. Fletcher only made me more furious.
“Where’s your friend?” he asked as I walked past him.
“Office,” I muttered. I found a spot in the back and leaned back against the seat. The door opened but it wasn’t Austin who walked in, Clove was. I lifted my hand in a solitary wave to them. They smiled and came back and took the empty seat on my left. I glanced at the empty right seat. Austin would sit there if he got out of office anytime soon.
“Where’s Austin?” Clove asked.
“He was part of that fight this morning. He’s stuck in the office until they figure out what to do with him and that horrible bully, Andrew. I hope they don’t send him home; it’s only the second day! First day the school nearly burns down, the second day he’s involved in a terrible fight.”
“Well, at least the drama is better than it was when my sister went to school here,” Clove joked, trying to cheer me up.
“Oh, yeah. I guess. I don’t have older siblings unless you count my brother, but he’s only a few minutes older,” I commented. My voice was so monotone it almost made me feel guilty.
“He’s a few minutes older?” Clove repeated, confused.
“I’m a triplet. My brother, Declan, and my sister, Mila, aren’t attending the same school as me for, well, a while,” I said. Clove nodded understandingly.
“Do you like being a triplet?” they asked.
“I guess. It’s nice having people close in age to you. We have a lot in common so talking to people who understand is always great, but since they’re out of the country it’s hard not being able to talk to them all the time,” I admitted, once again venting. I hardly even answered Clove’s question.
“Cool,” they replied.
“Do you know any other triplets?” I kept the conversation going, not wanting to feel alone without conversation since Austin wasn’t here yet.
“No. Well, at my elementary school there were twins but we weren’t friends. However, they still go to this school I’m pretty sure. Maybe you know them?” Clove said.
“Maybe. But there isn’t exactly a club for triplets and twins that only kids are excluded from,” I joked.
“Ha,” Clove said emotionlessly. “Anyhow, their names are Kamara and Morgan.”
“Oh, I know Kamara. She was in my eighth grade history class,” I said, suddenly remembering one of the twins. I recalled how rude Kamara was. She was always changing friend groups thanks to how much gossip and rumors she spread through the school. Morgan was unknown to me however.
“Cool,” they said again.
“Is Morgan nice? From what I know about Kamara, I wouldn’t be surprised if Morgan was of a similar personality type.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen or heard from them in a while. Like I said before, we were never friends.” I could tell Clove didn’t mean to be snappy, but something must have happened for them to suddenly be so… upset.
“Is everything alright? You seem upset,” I asked curiously.
“Yeah. Everything is perfectly fine,” they answered through clenched teeth. I raised one eyebrow suspiciously. Clearly not everything was ‘perfectly fine’.
“Are you sure? I have a sixth sense for telling when people are hiding.” Clove released a sigh. They leaned back in their seat as if the pent up emotions were pouring out of them and there was nothing keeping them up.
“No. Not everything is okay,” Clove admitted. I leaned forward a bit as if I were trying to say, Oh, do tell.
“What happened?” I asked.
“My family. They hold me to much higher standards than they do with everyone else.” Normally I would have agreed and said that I felt that, but comparing Clove’s situation to mine wouldn’t help them.
“I’m sorry. It’s always so annoying when a family does that to one another. Maybe you could try talking to them and asking them to loosen up and let you have a bit of a break?” I offered. Clove contemplated this.
“Maybe that would work. But they hardly ever listen to me. They never even call me by my real name. It’s always Clarie this, Clarie that. I’m so sick of it.” Clove was suddenly venting all of the family drama to me.
“I’m so sorry, Clove. I don’t know if this would work since I don’t know your family, but I do know they sound like horrible people, but you could explain to them who you are and how calling you Clarie makes you uncomfortable?”
“No. They aren’t horrible people. Yes, they have done some bad things, but they aren’t horrible. They just don’t understand me.” The way Clove so easily excused their family only made me upset. They couldn’t just let them slide by like they had done nothing offensive.
“Don’t make excuses for them, Clove. Let them know what they’ve done to you,” I instructed them.
“I guess.” They were so hesitant to follow my advice that I felt even worse. Was I just giving horrible ideas of what to do?
“Did what I say help?” I asked to clarify that I hadn’t been completely unhelpful.
“No, no. You were very helpful. Seriously,” Clove assured me.
“Great,” I said with an assuring smile. “I hope everything works out for you. If it doesn’t, let me know and I’ll try to help you some more,” I offered.
“I will.” The PA system crackled to life to what I assumed to be the morning announcements, but instead it was my name being called.
“Kaleb Levillo, please report to the main office. Kaleb Levillo, please report to the main office,” a robotic voice stated through the microphone. I rose hesitantly from my seat. Quiet mumbles guessing what I had done spread through the class. Mr. Fletcher waved me to his desk to which I walked up to quickly.
“Go ahead, Kaleb. I’m not sure what you did this time, but I can assure you that this was not my doing.” He waved me out of the class without another word. I nodded in reply and walked out of the class as fast as my feet could carry me. The main office was a plain room in the front of the school. Inside lay the principal's office, the vice principal’s office, the receptionist’s desk, and a row of chairs outside of the nurses office. I walked to the secretary’s desk.
“Hi, I’m Kaleb Levillo? My name was called over the intercom?” The woman nodded and pointed for me to sit in one of the chairs leading to the nurse’s office. I sat down and not a second after I sat did the principal appear. He was a middle aged, balding man with glasses that never seemed to sit straight on his face. He waved me back to his office. I stood and followed him. I was surprised to see I wasn’t the only one sitting in his office. In the two chairs on the side were Andrew and Austin. Andrew had an ice pack pressed firmly to his shoulder and Austin had an ice pack resting on top of his head. The cuts and bruises that lined Austin’s face made me feel slightly sick. He looked so hurt. I couldn’t help but smirk at the black eye that Andrew was sporting. Austin had done his fair share of damage to Andrew. The principal motioned for me to sit.
“So, Kaleb, is it? Your friend Austin here tells me you witnessed this fight? Would you care to explain what happened?” he asked me, leaning back against his chair. I stared at the plaque on his desk. The name across read, Marcus Johnson.
“Kaleb?” he repeated when I didn’t answer. My head shot up as I searched my mind to think of a way to describe what had happened without getting Austin in trouble.
“We all ride the same bus. I was walking back to sit with Austin but Andrew grabbed me and started making fun of me. He makes fun of me a lot,” I started to explain. Mr. Johnson waved for me to continue.
“After we got off the bus, Andrew and his friends surrounded us and started yelling and tormenting us. Andrew kept making fun of us and didn’t stop. I tried to pull Austin out of the circle, but he was pushed back in and… and that’s when Andrew started hitting him.” The lie at the end made me a bit worried. What if the teachers looked at the cameras and found out it was Austin who hit him first?
“Andrew hit him first?” Mr. Johnson’s voice was unsure. He clearly didn’t believe me.
“I didn’t! Austin was the one to start hitting me first! And for no reason!” Andrew yelled at the top of his lungs.
“Andrew, I’m not talking to you right now. Please wait your turn. Now, Kaleb. What exactly was Andrew saying about you and Austin?” Mr. Johnson pressed.
“Mostly just stuff about… our personalities and how we don’t have a lot of friends,” I lied once again.
“Does he ever make fun of you or Austin outside of this moment?”
“Yeah. A lot. I know he bullies other people, but no one has turned him in yet,” I said, honestly this time.
“Alright. Thank you, Mr. Levillo. I think that’s all I’ll need from you.” I didn’t stand even when he motioned for me to leave.
“But what will happen to Austin?” I asked, still refusing to move even when he cleared his throat.
“Excuse me?”
“What will happen to Austin? Will he be suspended or put in detention? Or will he not get in trouble? He really didn’t do anything. He was just trying to avoid the fight escalating,” I said.
“What happens to Austin is none of your concern. However, what you said about Andrew starting the fight contradicts what Andrew told me himself. I’ll need to speak with other witnesses to understand what happened.”
“No offense to Austin, but he’s new here. No one knows who he is and most people you talk to will know and be friends with Andrew. They’re just going to try and make sure he stays out of trouble,” I cried.
“Thank you for your concern, Kaleb, but I think I can tell when someone is not telling the truth.” Mr. Johnson waved his hand dismissively at me again. I sighed and stood up. I shrugged to Austin as if I were saying, Sorry. I tried. Austin offered me a half smile and nodded. He understood I did all I could to help. I left the room and reported back to homeroom, dragging my feet as slowly as possible. How did Andrew manage to get off so easily all the time? Didn’t anyone understand what he did to people? Didn’t anyone understand what a bully he was? How could he just keep flying under the radar? I opened the door to homeroom. Everyone was standing around talking to their friends, but Clove had their face buried in a book, ignoring everyone. I walked over to them, reaching out to tap them on the shoulder.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey. How’d it go?” they asked. It was as if they knew what I had been called to the officer for.
“Not great. Mr. Johnson was a bit dismissive, but I had a feeling Austin should be able to get off easily. But he did give Andrew a black eye. If they get punished based on how injured they got in the fight, Austin should be getting expelled and Andrew should just be getting off with a warning,” I said, slightly exaggerating the damage done to both boys.
“Ah, sounds like Austin did some impressive damage to Andrew. Good for him; he deserves to be able to say he beat up the school bully easily.” Something about Clove’s expression and the tone of their voice made it sound like I should be wildly proud of Austin. I was proud of him. He got through the fight without what would become a permanent scar. Based on some of the other fights I heard that Andrew had been part of, Austin was really lucky. Maybe he had some sort of secret fight training before moving here. It could make sense. After all, his dad was an officer in the military. Perhaps he wanted Austin to move on to serve our country so he taught him how to fight. It was a bit crazy to think of Austin knowing how to fight, but it was all possible.
“Yeah. Yeah. Good for him, winning that fight.” My voice seemed to echo almost. I was distant for the rest of the class. Hopefully I would see Austin next period. When the bell rang, I jumped from my seat and ran to English. Austin didn’t show up. Ms. Conroy sent me a slight smile when I entered the room. Maybe she knew what had gone down this morning. I didn’t say anything to her as I took my seat. Clove arrived just before the bell and sat down in the seat in front of me, just as they had yesterday. Ms. Conroy instructed us to read for the first ten minutes of class. I pulled my book out and only wished Austin could have been sitting next to me reading about Jane Eyre being locked away in rooms upstairs. The book held little interest over me and I barely flipped a page for the whole ten minutes. I looked over at Clove. They were completely absorbed in the book, so much that they were already on chapter five. Chapter five! I thought. They must have done reading outside of class to already be that far in the book. When the timer rang, Ms. Conroy told us to get our notebooks and pencils out.
“I want all of you to write me a letter about what you hope to accomplish this year along with what you enjoy and don’t enjoy about English so I know how to help you this year.” I traced my pencil over a shadow the light caused to fall on my page. I couldn’t think of what to say. A few minutes later, I started to write.
I guess English is okay. I like reading but I’m not the best at it. Writing is fun, but it’s hard to figure out how to explain what I’m feeling onto the paper. My siblings are really talented readers and writers so I’d like to accomplish enough to catch up to them. I know that it might not be possible, in this school at least. At the very least, I need to be able to learn enough to please my family.
“Alright! That’s all the time we have for today to put aside for writing our letters. Please tear out your page and hand it in to the tray in the front,” Ms. Conroy instructed. I followed her command and tossed the letter inside the tray. My handwriting was messy, much sloppier than it usually was. My parents had encouraged perfect handwriting for a long time. Neatness was basically a rule in our house. Once thing out of place and you could find yourself grounded for a week. The older I got, the less that rule was pushed. I can’t remember the last time one of us was forbidden from being around friends just because our rooms weren’t clean or because our homework was written too messily. Perfection was a requirement, basically the law in our house. Ms. Conroy distracted me from my memories of how my house used to be by clapping her hands loudly.
“Great! Let’s get started on what to expect this year!” Her enthusiasm made me cringe slightly. Didn’t she know how worried I was about Austin? Her pitying smile she gave me when I walked made me think one way, but I must have been wrong. Ms. Conroy pressed a button on the remote and she started flipping through a slideshow. The light blues of the background calmed me. Had she known how much I would need to be calmed today? I don’t remember a single word Ms. Conroy said for the rest of class other than dismissing us to pack up and wait for the bell. I gratefully packed my notebook away and stood on shaky legs. Clove sent me a worried look as I gripped the side of the desk.
“Are you okay?” they asked.
“Yeah. I’m just a bit worried about Austin. What if he gets expelled or something? It’s Andrew’s fault he punched him! He provoked him!” I shouted, my voice much louder than I meant for it to be. Ms. Conroy looked up from her desk, clearly surprised by my outburst. She lifted a finger to her pale pink lips as if she were warning me to be quiet. I pressed my lips together to keep them from shouting again. A few kids standing next to Clove and I whispered about what I had yelled. I felt waves of embarrassment hitting me like waves in the ocean. The bell rang, and I rushed out quickly, Clove following on my heels. American History was halfway across the school from English and the trek there always seemed to talk longer than the short breaks between classes. Clove turned into the choir room after we left the English hall. I was on my own for the rest of the walk. I was nearing the hall, when suddenly one of Andrew’s goons shoved me into a locker.
“Hey!” I shouted as I collided with the cold metal.
“You should have watched your mouth about what you said about Andrew, you dirty liar,” he snapped. His foot came forth and kicked the locker next to my leg. The sharp ringing of his foot hitting the metal sent chills up my spine. I shrugged my bag further up on my shoulders and tried to move around him. He only shoved me back. The halls were emptying quickly and I saw a teacher look over in our direction.
“Just please let me go to class,” I whispered, my voice barely audible.
“‘Let you go to class’?” he exclaimed. “First, you’re going to go to the office and say all of it was that freak, Austin’s, fault.” I nodded, a lie, and jerked away from his grasp. I hurried to American History as fast as I could. The only thing keeping me going was the fear they would catch me. I disappeared inside the classroom just as the bell rang. The teacher shot me a nasty look as I silently took my seat. Once again, time passed slowly until lunch. I looked around for an empty table, or one that I could find Austin at. I located our table from yesterday and sat down. I looked all around the room, hoping to see Austin emerge from the office across the hall. He never did. I was so close to jumping from my seat and hiding in the bathroom to avoid everyone when a girl silently sat down at my table. I didn’t recognize her so she had to have been older or new to the school. Her skin was a bronze shade of caramel. Her eyes were the most interesting shade of blue I’d ever seen, besides Austin’s of course. They were swirls of impossibly dark blues looking electric at the same time. Her hair was tied in an intricate design of braids. I marveled at how the braids were tight around her scalp but ran loose and wild as they fell down her shoulders to curls. She didn’t say a word as she pulled a wrapped sandwich out of her bag along with a huge book. The book was enormous; it had to be a dictionary. I craned my neck a bit to see the title of the book. She jerked away and pulled her book further away, hugging it to her body.
“Sorry,” I apologized, a bit surprised to see how much my small action had scared her. She waved a hand as if she were dismissing the topic. She still didn’t say a word. Maybe she was mute or something. I tore a page out of my math notebook and scribbled my name onto it. I slid it over to her and she shot me a cautious look before taking the paper and pencil. Considering how quickly she wrote, I was slightly surprised to see how neat her handwriting was.
Serena. She replied.
Do you speak? I asked, cutting right to the case. Serena hesitated to reply.
Not really. I can leave if it makes you uncomfortable sitting with the ‘mute’ girl. I was confused to read the quotations around the word ‘mute’.
No, I’m fine with you sitting here. Can I ask why you don’t speak? Serena pushed navy blue glasses up on her nose slightly and took a bite of her sandwich.
To avoid bullies. She admitted. I nodded in solidarity.
I get that. I’m sorry you were bullied. She took another bite of her sandwich and didn’t write anything else for a while. Our table was dismissed to get lunch and I hurried to the line. When I got back, a girl with light brown skin was leaning against my seat. A girl, which I was convinced was a clone of her, stood next to her laughing. Sure enough, it was the infamous Kamara and Morgan.
“Like, you don’t even sit with us!” cried one girl. I guessed that she was Morgan based off of her necklace with the letter ‘M’ carved into it.
“Yeah. Our parents are so close, but you never even speak to us!” Kamara added. Serena ducked her head and uttered the words,
“You mean my dad is friends with your parents. You two don’t even know my mom.”
“Good. You didn’t forget how to speak,” laughed Kamara. Serena sent her a look of pure fire and pressed her lips tightly together.
“Just please, leave me alone,” Serena begged.
“‘Leave me alone’!” mocked Morgan. Both twins threw their heads back in laughter and I jumped into the conversation.
“What do you two think you’re doing?” I snapped in what I tried to sound like one of Andrew’s goons. Kamara turned on her heel and just started laughing again.
“Oh, look! Serena finally got herself a boyfriend! Remember when you said you had no plans for falling in love with a guy, Serena?” Morgan cackled. Serena’s face turned bright red. I almost laughed in their face and told them I had no interest in a girl just like they made it sound like Toria had no interest in guys.
“I’m not her boyfriend,” I replied.
“I figured,” Kamara cut in, making it sound like she knew better. “You probably don’t even like girls just like how Serena doesn’t like boys.” It was my turn to send her a look of fire.
“Leave her alone. I’m not saying it again,” I warned. I didn’t have to puppet my voice to sound tough this time; it came out naturally. I was fully prepared to fight these girls for Serena just as Austin had done for me earlier. Kamara and Morgan exchanged a look before stalking away to their own table. The way they walked with such confidence made me angrier. How did they hold so much power over everyone?
“Thanks,” whispered Serena.
“You’re welcome. I’m really sorry about them bothering you. I could go with you to the office if you want to report it to someone,” I offered. Serena shook her head frantically and went back to writing notes to communicate. She slid the paper and pencil across as I took my seat.
No. Please don’t make me go to the office. Going there just means I have to talk to someone and I really don’t want to do that. Plus, they might call my dad and tell him I’m being bullied. I really don't want him to know. If he finds out, all he’ll do is tell me to suck it up. I felt the corners of my lips tilt upside down in a feeling of sorrow and a tiny bit of anger. Parents telling their kids to suck it up and put up with bullying because that’s how life is is just horrible. Weren’t they bullied at our age? Everyone has seen at least one 90’s movie about mean blonde girls or rude football players so we all know nothing was perfect back in our parent’s days.
I’m sorry, Serena. I really truly am. I get how parents not helping and telling you to deal with it is tough. You can keep sitting with me in the future and I’ll try to help you fend the bullies off. Serena smiled gently and didn’t answer. Instead she opened her book and read for quite some time before looking up and putting the pencil to paper.
You’re friends with Toria Williams, right? Serena wrote.
Yeah, I am. Why? I asked the quiet girl curiously.
Do you know if she’s heard anything about the back to school dance? The dance? I wondered. Why would Serena want to know about Toria’s plans for the dance?
I’m not sure, but I can ask her for you. I offered. Serena noticeably tensed up.
Oh, no worries. You don’t need to do anything like that. I was just curious. She seems like a really interesting girl and I only thought…. Serena didn’t finish writing her sentence before sliding the paper back over and standing just as the bell rang. She hurried away from the table, disappearing into the swarm of students. I dragged myself to science where I found an empty table in the middle row. Toria entered after me, taking the seat next to me. She swung around on the high chair a few times before facing me.
“Hey. I heard about the fight,” she said. Right. Of course she would have stuck up for us if she had been there, but I didn’t remember seeing her on the bus.
“Yeah. Where were you anyway?” I asked.
“Doctors appointment.” I nodded understandingly.
“Right. I remember you telling me about that.” Toria didn’t answer as she pulled a notebook out of her bag.
“So, what happened to Austin? Did he get suspended?” Toria asked after her notebook was neatly placed in front of her.
“I’m not sure. All I know is that he might still be somewhere in the office waiting for the principal to figure out who’s lying,” I answered, suddenly more worried about him than I had been before. The bell rang and our teacher rushed into the room. I stared at Austin’s empty seat, waiting for the door to open and for Austin to run in, face clear of scars. But he didn’t. He never walked in. I ended up zoning out for the whole period, not focusing on a word the teacher said. I couldn’t think of anything else but Austin. Was he okay? What would his parents say about the fight? Would he get expelled? What was happening? It was only the second day of school! We shouldn’t have to deal with fire, bullies, fights, and parents deaths at such young ages. The bell rang much earlier than expected to dismiss us. Toria gave me a confused glance, wondering why I still sat there.
“Kaleb? Are you coming?” she called to me, waving her hands to get my attention.
“What? Oh, yeah. I’m coming,” I said, dragging myself out of the chair and out into the hallway. Toria and I split ways not long down the hall. The rest of the day was filled with silence and me zoning out. I waited, hoping, praying, for Austin to arrive on the bus ride home. I watched as one by one, people boarded the bus. The flow of people was coming to a stop when Andrew got on. I froze. What was he doing here? Where was Austin? Had he been the one to get in trouble? Andrew caught me gaping at him and sent me a scowl.
“Thanks a lot, Levillo. Because of you, I have to serve detention for the rest of the month,” he snapped.
“You deserve it. Where’s Austin?” I asked. Andrew rolled his eyes, sitting down in the seat in front of me.
“How am I supposed to know where your boyfriend is?” he snapped. I froze again, much more terrified than I had been before.
“He- he is not my boyfriend!” I cried, slapping the back of Andrew’s seat.
“Sure. We all know he is.” I felt sick to my stomach. Had Austin told anyone? Was it all a big joke? Did he not mean anything he had said?
“Who told you that?”
“So you’re curious to know? That must mean it’s true,” Andrew predicted.
“It’s not,” I insisted.
“Give it up, Levillo. We all know what a freak you are so stop trying to hide it.” I turned away from him, staring out the window.
“Is he coming?” I asked, still facing the window. Looking at him would make me feel worse.
“How am I supposed to know?” Andrew answered. I didn’t reply, but sure enough someone came to my side and tapped my shoulder. I was about to shout at Andrew to get away from me, but when I turned it was Austin there, not Andrew. I moved over so he could sit and I smiled at him.
“Are you okay?” I asked, noticing the ghoulish looking cut under his right eye.
“Yeah. Looks worse than it is,” Austin said, moving to sit down.
“Good, but you should probably get some ice on that when you get home.”
“What do you think I did all day in the nurse’s office?” Austin joked, although it wasn’t too funny.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Relax, I did worse to Andrew than he did to me. I overheard the nurses talking about how his injuries were much worse than me,” he muttered under his breath so Andrew wouldn’t hear him.
“I don’t disagree. You gave him a black eye!” I cried, happy for Austin to have beaten Andrew in the fight. Austin didn’t reply, but the proud look on his face showed just how enthusiastic he was at my compliment. The bus roared to life and traveled away from the school.
“So, what was your punishment?” I asked after we turned onto the main road.
“Detention for the rest of the month and a conference with my parents to discuss what the next steps are. Andrew got it worse than I did thanks to several others who agreed he had bullied them in the past. He’s got a lot more enemies than friends,” explained Austin.
“After school detention? Or before?” I asked.
“Before. I made it sound like going after school wouldn’t work out for me so I can keep riding the bus home with you.” I smiled. He wanted to ride the bus with me. He would rather have to wake up hours early just so he could be in class with me and ride the bus home with me.
“You didn’t have to do that. I mean, I’m glad you did, but waking up early isn’t going to be fun for you.”
“You’re worth it,” he replied. Once again, I smiled.
“So, how was your day in the office?” I asked.
“Pretty good. I mostly just got to sit there and read while the nurse wasn’t checking in on me and when Mr. Johnson wasn’t questioning me. How was your day?” Austin answered, turning the question on to me.
“It was fine, other than missing you.” I paused to smile. “Andrew’s friends caught me in the halls a few times and the twins, Kamara and Morgan, started making fun of a girl that sat with me at lunch.”
“Oh, jeez. I’m sorry about that.” Austin was so apologetic it made me feel worse for him.
“It’s okay. Really. I’m used to having my siblings stick up for me, so it was refreshing to have me stick up for me for once,” I admitted, secretly glad I got to have a break from people looking after me.
“I forgot to ask, how are your siblings doing? You haven’t talked about them much since we met.”
“Well, we did just meet a few days ago,” I said with a laugh.
“True.” Austin’s smile was as wide as mine.
“But they’re good. Still adjusting, but good. It’s so weird to walk past their empty rooms and not see them sitting in there reading a book or hear them talking to their friends on the phone. I miss that. When my dad got sick, they became really distant but not like this. They aren’t physically here this time. They just weren’t there mentally last time,” I explained.
“That sounds hard. Especially the part about them being absent mentally. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a parent die and sort of lose your siblings in the process. What was your mom’s condition when he got sick?” Austin's questions brought me right back to that moment. I could practically see Dad laying in his hospital bed unable to move. I could hear the sound of the breathing machine echoing against the wind outside. I could taste the medicinal scent of the hospital chemicals wafting around the room. It was all so difficult to remember, seeing him like that. Seeing him like he was sick. Unable. I didn’t want to remember that. Not at all.
“Kaleb?” Austin repeated his question. “Are you okay?” I cleared my throat and nodded, feeling tears sting at my eyes.
“Yeah. Sorry, it’s just hard to remember everything from when he got sick,” I whispered.
“You have no reason to be sorry. I should have known better than to ask you if it was going to upset you. You don’t need to answer if it just makes it harder,” Austin comforted me.
“No, I can answer. I was just trying to get the memories of him laying there unable to move out of my head.” I searched my mind to remember what his question was in the first place.
“How was your mom handling everything when he got sick?” Austin repeated his question thankfully. I could tell he was sensing my confusion about what to answer with.
“She handled it about as well as she could have. She wasn’t there mentally in the best way, just like my siblings. But she tried. She tried so hard to keep food on the table and to keep us comforted while we all tried to convince ourselves that he would be okay. When he started going downhill, so did she. I remember how she was suddenly more strict than she had been in the start of it all. Homework not done? Grounded. Room messy? Grounded. That’s how everything was until his last few weeks. We spent those days by his side trying to keep from crying. Mom just got really… quiet, I guess is the best way to describe it.” There really was no word that described how it felt when you watched your own mother lose everything she valued. It had been like her soul left her body, like there was nothing left in her but grief and emptiness.
“I am so, so sorry, Kaleb. I really wish you could have had it easier, but the strongest people have the worst scars. You seem to have some of the worst scars, so congratulations, Kaleb. You are officially the strongest person I know.”
“We both have scars, scars that show what we’ve been through and how we shoved everything aside and solved our problems. We are so brave, Austin. The both of us.”
“I love that we’re having this deep of a conversation on the back of a school bus,” commented Austin. He was always one to speak his mind. I cracked a smile, feeling the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.
“The most meaningful conversations I’ve had in my life always seem to happen in the oddest places,” I said wistfully.
“You and I both. Where’s the weirdest place you’ve had a deep conversation? Austin asked, switching the conversation to be light and carefree.
“Oh, that’s a tough one. Could I say one is the one we just had?” I laughed aloud, trying to remember one I had in the past.
“Certainly. Mine was probably when my sister explained to me what she went through as a kid when we were stuck in a corn maze.”
“A corn maze? At, what, a state fair or something?” I asked, trying to remember if I had ever done such a thing.
“It was at a pumpkin patch, but close enough.” I grinned.
“Can you two please keep it down back there? I can hardly hear my normal thoughts with your screeching,” complained Andrew from in front of us. I glared at him, but it was Austin who spoke up.
“You’re welcome, in that case. Our ‘screeching’ must be far more entertaining than whatever is going on in your head.” Andrew was speechless. He gaped at us, unsure of what to fight back with.
“Would you like us to talk louder? You said you could ‘hardly’ hear your thoughts, and I think you would appreciate it if you couldn’t hear yourself at all. Or at least I would appreciate not hearing you speak,” I added. Andrew pushed his lips together, still unable to think of a comeback.
“Nice one, Kaleb,” murmured Austin from next to me.
“You, too,” I replied. Andrew turned back around and didn’t say anything to us for the rest of the ride. When it was Austin’s stop, I felt a bit more empty inside as he walked away. I leaned my head against the window and waited for my stop. My phone started to buzz in my pocket after Austin was inside his house.
Kaleb, is everything okay? I heard you talking to Andrew on the bus. The text was from Toria. I suddenly felt a bit guilty, as if I had been ignoring her.
Yeah. Everything is perfect. Andrew was just trying to bother Austin and me on purpose. I typed back. Bubbles appeared at the bottom of the screen, but were gone within seconds.
Toria? Where’d you go? I asked.
I’m right here. I was just getting something to eat. She replied. For some reason, I felt like it was a lie. Had she felt like I had ignored her? I hadn’t meant to, and I hoped she wasn’t mad at me.
What’d you get to eat? I asked, trying to uncover her lie.
Banana. Toria was allergic to bananas. Had she just forgotten that I knew that?
You better keep that out of your mouth if you want to avoid your EpiPen. I know you hate injections. I warned her.
I was just kidding. I wanted to see if you were paying attention.
Why wouldn’t I be paying attention?
I don’t know. You’ve just been busy with Austin lately. I felt another wave of guilt wash across me. I had been more involved with Austin lately. Was she… jealous? Toria never seemed to get jealous. On the short occasions that she was, they passed quickly and she often ended up laughing at herself because she regretted feeling that way. Toria was actually quite mature for her age, but on events like these, it was easy to forget.
Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I’ve been trying to help him adjust to a new state and new school. I haven’t meant for you to feel neglected in the process. I apologized, meaning every word.
There you go again with your proper Levillo language. Toria joked. I couldn’t help but feel like I had been struck across the face when she didn’t accept the apology.
Haha. Sorry, I’m trying to be more modern or whatever but sometimes a little bit of proper words slip in. I typed. I felt the bus shift into a stop and sure enough, it was mine. I opened the door to my house, and nearly screamed when I saw Mom sitting at the table.
“Mom? What are you doing here?” I gasped, dropping my bag onto the floor as I approached her.
“I got off of work early,” she answered simply.
“Nothing’s wrong?” I clarified.
“No. Why would anything be wrong?” She stood and grabbed two containers of berry flavored yogurt from the fridge along with two spoons from the drawer. She handed me one carton and a spoon.
“Sit. Eat with me. Tell me all about your day,” she said cheerfully. I raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
“Are you sure nothing’s wrong? You never do this after school,” I pointed out. She laughed in a way that was so unnatural I couldn’t help but feel more worried that something was wrong. I refused to eat until she answered, which of course she had to drag out a bit. I watched her dip the spoon into the yogurt and twirl it around slowly. Her body language was covering something.
“Mom,” I whispered. “Just please tell me what’s going on. Did something happen?” She sighed and pushed the yogurt away from both of us.
“I always knew you were too smart for your own good,” she mumbled, taking my hands in hers and meeting my eyes slowly. By now I was terrified. Something had to have happened. Had she lost her job? Had something dreadful occurred to Mila or Declan? Was some relative dead?
“What’s going on?” I asked again. My constant repeating of the question was growing more and more panicked. Slowly, she drew in a deep breath.
“I made your siblings get tested for Guillain-Barré Syndrome before they left and I got tested too,” she admitted. Guillain-Barré Syndrome? The name worked its way back into my head. Oh. The same thing Dad had.
“And? It was negative, right? You're all fine?” I couldn’t keep my worries inside.
“Yes. I got my results today along with your siblings and we’re clean. There’s a very low chance of us getting it. However, I wanted to give you a break before having you get tested too. It’s so rare, Kaleb. The chances of your father getting sick were so slim and our chances of getting sick are even lower. I promise you that I will do everything I can to make sure we’re all fine.” The moment she said the tests were negative, I felt calm slip over me like a warm blanket on a cold day. They were fine. Their chances were low. But I was still in the unknown category.
“That’s amazing, Mom. Why didn’t you take me to get tested with the rest of you?” I asked, trying to figure out if I had been left out intentionally.
“When your father got sick, I could tell it hurt you the deepest, Kaleb. You were a sickly child, and having him get sick tore you apart. I would watch you sit on his side of the bed or look through his things. You were heartbroken. I saw you fade away from the extraordinary young man I’d come to know, and into a scared boy who feared death. When Dad died, I wanted to give you a break from everything related to doctors and hospitals to recover. I didn’t want to shove you head first into a bunch of different tests to find out if you had the gene for Guillain-Barré Syndrome. Please don’t hold this against me. You have reason to hold a lot of things against me, but I beg of you, please don’t.” I wasn’t focused on being upset with her as much as focused on one detail: The tests were negative.
“I’m not mad,” I told her. She smiled, leaning back a bit and dropping my hands. I pushed her yogurt back towards her.
“I- I want to tell you something,” I whispered before I could stop myself. The second the words slipped out, I knew I was making a mistake. Oh no. Oh no. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t tell her this!
“What’s the matter?” Her voice was so alarmed. The look of shock from what I had just said must have terrified her.
“I-” I couldn’t speak. Nothing came out.
“Kaleb? Are you alright?” Still, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. No words could explain what went through my mind as I tried to come up with an excuse for what to say.
“I just was wondering if you heard about the back to school dance,” I lied, not thinking of the fact I’d be attending with Austin. What if she asked me if I was going with anyone? Should I lie? What should I say?
“Of course I have.” She sounded surprised, but her motherly instincts were able to easily figure out there was something deeper behind my question.
“Oh, right. Obviously. Never mind then. I- I’ll just head up to my room now. I’ve got things to do,” I lied once again.
“No, Kaleb. Wait. Please be honest with me and tell me what you want me to know.” The fear behind her eyes was recognizable. I saw it everyday, but not in her. In me. When I looked in the mirror each day, I saw the face of a boy who was hiding. I saw someone who couldn’t even reveal to himself who he was without wanting to scream.
“Did someone ask you to the dance?” she guessed. I took a deep breath. It was now or never.
“I….” My voice disappeared into oblivion. I suddenly felt the urge to cry.
“Kaleb!” she cried, surprised when I really did start to sob.
“I’m sorry. I-”
“Kaleb, just tell me what’s wrong. Whatever this is, it’s obviously hurting you to keep away from me. Please tell me. I swear to you, no matter what it is, I’ll still love you.”
“Mom…” I whispered.
“Kaleb, it’s okay.”
“Mom, I’m- I’m going to the dance.”
“You are? That’s wonderful! Who’s the lucky girl?”
“That’s just the thing…. It isn’t a girl.” Her once happy expression slipped away as she figured out what I was saying.
“Not… not a girl. You- you’re not going with a girl,” she whispered, still trying to figure out what I meant.
“I’m gay, Mom.” Her hands that had been holding mine released mine and I was unprepared for what she was about to say.
“I love you.” We were both sobbing now.
“You’re okay with it?” I said between gasps.
“Of course I am. It’s just who you are. I’ve told you, nothing is ever going to stop me from loving you,” she declared. At that moment, I didn’t see a woman forced to be perfect by society. I saw my mother. My mom. A woman who loved me no matter what.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you too. So much. Your father would have been so proud of you and I know that somewhere he’s watching and he’s so incredibly proud of the man you’re becoming, Kaleb.”
“You really think?”
“I know he is. And I am too. Kaleb, I am so, so proud of you. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am that you’ve told me. When I said I wanted to know you, this is the version of you that I want to know. I love you, every part of you and I swear I’ll never stop loving you,” she swore.
“Thank you. I know I’m not the perfect son. I’m far from perfect, but you still love every flaw and every imperfection.”
“And with every imperfect part of you that I get to meet, the more I love you.” I wiped my red eyes with the back of my hand. She loved me. She loved me no matter what.
“Oh, God. This was not what I planned for my day,” I said with a hoarse laugh.
“Well, either way, planned or unplanned, I’m so glad you told me. Does anyone else know?” she asked, smiling at me like she was truly seeing who I was for the first time.
“Mila knows. Toria suspects, and of course the boy I’m going to the dance with knows,” I answered. I watched her nod, smile never dropping from her face.
“Do I know this boy?” she asked, smirking happily. I’m sure she was imagining me dancing the night away with him.
“No. Not yet.” Austin pushed his way back into my mind.
“You’ll have to have him stop by sometime. I’m eager to meet this boy that has you so excited.”
“I could ask him to come over now, if you want,” I suggested.
“Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. I’d like some time to fully absorb all this amazing news. What’s his name?”
“Austin Baier,” I answered, smiling wider at the thought of him.
“Austin,” she repeated. She ducked her head and started laughing.
“What?” I asked, suddenly worried about why she was laughing.
“We nearly named Declan that! Now I’m even more relieved we didn’t. It’s a marvelous name with an even more amazing meaning.”
“Well, thanks for not naming my brother the same thing as him. What’s it mean?”
“Magnificent. It makes him seem even more perfect for you.”
“That is a great name definition,” I replied. Austin really was the human definition of magnificent.
“Why don’t you go talk to this Austin, and I’ll start getting dinner ready,” she offered, taking a step back towards the kitchen.
“But it isn’t even four o’clock yet,” I reminded her.
“So we’ll eat early and watch a movie or something.”
“That sounds perfect. I’ll go talk to Austin, but first I think I’ll call Declan and share this news with him.” The moment after I finished talking, my phone started to ring. I held it out to show Mom who was calling.
“Speak of the devil,” she said with a chuckle as she read Declan’s name on the screen. “Go, talk to him.” I nodded and ran up the stairs.
“Hey!” I said into the phone as I closed the door to my room.
“What’s up?” Declan asked.
“Not much- actually- a lot,” I answered, remembering what the goal of this conversation was.
“Really? What’s going on?”
“Well… I have something I really need to talk to you about. I don’t think I can keep this from you any longer.”
“Is everything okay? Did something?” Declan was clearly worried.
“Everything’s perfect, Declan. I just- God- this is so hard to explain,” I laughed.
“Just say it, Kaleb. It must be important.”
“It is. It’s probably the most important thing I’ll ever tell you.”
“Spill. Did you get into the program or something?” Declan guessed.
“No. This is far more important than some program for geniuses.”
“What is it? You're killing me the longer you put this off,” Declan joked.
“Okay. Sorry, I’m just trying to find a way to word this the best way possible.”
“I don’t think there's a perfect way to word anything, Kaleb. Just tell me.” He was right; there really is no perfect way to say anything.
“I’m gay.” Silence was the only thing I heard on the other end.
“Finally,” he muttered on the other end.
“Sorry, ‘finally’?” I repeated. Declan started to laugh.
“No, no. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just meant, ‘Finally. He finally is telling me this’.”
“So, I guess this means you already knew?” I said, partially wondering how I had let it slip.
“Of course I did. I’m your brother, Kaleb. I’m pretty good at figuring these things out. After all, I do have physic triplet powers.”
“Oh, no. Not the physic triplet powers theory again!” I cried. When we were in elementary school, there weren’t a lot of twins or triplets in the area. Many kids in our classes would ask us if we could read each other’s minds and all sorts of odd things like that. The physic powers theory was a personal favorite of mine, besides people asking us if we were identical. We aren’t identical. For starters, Mila is a girl, Declan and I are males. It is impossible for us to all be identical. Sure, we share things like hair color, but the shades of brown are all different.
“But you love that theory! I can’t imagine what it would be like if we really could read each other’s minds!” he laughed.
“A lot easier, that’s for sure,” I muttered sarcastically.
“But, back to the serious conversation, I’m proud of you, Kaleb. Coming out, from what I’ve heard, is a difficult thing. I love you.”
“You know in books when you read scenes with siblings hugging and laughing and being best friends and it’s completely unrealistic?” I asked, not sure why I was bringing this up.
“Yeah? What about it?”
“I’m glad our relationship is like that,” I told him.
“Me too.” Silence fell over the phone again.
“Declan?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you really okay with it?” I double checked.
“Of course I am. I’ve been waiting for a while for you to tell me this, so I’ve had plenty of time to wrap my mind around the thought.” His words were so comforting.
“Good. The fact you accept me makes my life easier.”
“Does Mom know? Or Mila? Did… did you get a chance to tell Dad before he died?”
“I just told Mom and Mila found out a few days ago. I never got the chance to tell Dad.” My voice broke on the last sentence. Not getting to tell Dad was my worst regret. I knew I’d always look back on those moments with him sorrowful and regretfully.
“I’m sorry about that. About not getting to tell Dad, I mean. It’s great you got to tell Mila and Mom. What’d they say about it?”
“Mila was really happy and kept asking me about my crush. Mom kept saying she loved me and this wasn’t going to destroy everything between us.”
“Good. If they had threatened to disown you or whatever, I’d fight them myself,” he told me.
“Part of me is mostly just entertained to think about you fighting Mila. You do know she took karate lessons for a year, right?”
“Of course I do! But that was when she was, like, ten. I’m sure she’s forgotten most of the kicks or whatever sense then. She wouldn’t stand a chance against me,” he joked.
“I should set up a time between you two to fight one another,” I thought aloud.
“Who’re you putting money on to win?” Declan asked.
“Oh, don’t you dare force me to pick a side!” I laughed aloud.
“Got it. You chose my side. You won’t regret choosing the winning team, Kaleb. I’ll be sure to get you a cheerleading uniform to show your support for my side.”
“A cheerleading uniform? That’s a bit crazy, Declan. Even for you.”
“Ouch, Kaleb. Crazy? Sure, I might be a bit insane, but I don’t know if crazy is the word to describe me,” he laughed.
“Oh, no. You’re definitely crazy. We both are, Mila too.”
“I dare you to call her and tell her that.”
“Now I’m tempted to do so.”
“We both should.”
“Sure, if you want her to have a bigger reason to fight you!” I exclaimed.
“‘Bigger reason’? What, have you two been plotting reasons to fight me?”
“Oh, no. I gave away our top secret plan!” Declan pretended to dramatically sigh on the other end.
“How dare you, Kaleb Levillo.”
“Yes, it’s all my fault.” A series of shouts and doors slamming came from the background. I heard someone call Declan’s name in a heavily accented tone.
“Sorry to cut this short, but I’ve really gotta go. The work calls,” Declan explained.
“It’s okay. I’ll talk to you another time.” He hung up. I nodded to myself and focused on stopping my hands from shaking as I found Austin’s contact and pressed ‘call’. The line barely had a chance to ring before he answered.
“I was just thinking about you!” he cried happily.
“It’s good to hear your voice too,” I agreed.
“How have you been?”
“You’re asking me that? You're the one who was in a fight today!” I exclaimed.
“Fight or no fight, I still want to know how my favorite person in the world is doing!” I was his favorite person? I thought. A strong fluttering feeling filled my stomach and heart.
“You're my favorite person too,” I told him. My smile was growing so huge it had to be considered a medical concern.
“Oh, good. I was hoping you’d say that.”
“You already asked me to the dance, Austin. Remember?”
“Of course I remember! That was one of my favorite conversations I’ve ever had with you!”
“That was one of my favorite conversations with you too,” I said.
“So, what’s up?”
“Not much. I was just thinking about how much I missed your voice and I couldn’t think of a better way to smile than by calling you.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“Excited for the dance?” I asked.
“Incredibly excited. I can barely explain how thrilled I am to be going with you,” Austin told me.
“Me too. I can’t wait to go with you.”
“You're fine with all the whispering people are going to be doing?” Austin asked.
“You’re worth it.”
“You are too,” Austin agreed.
“I came out to my siblings and to my mom,” I told him suddenly.
“You did? Oh, Kaleb! That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” Austin exclaimed.
“I knew you would be.”
“And your Mom, your siblings, they’re all fine with it?”
“Surprisingly, yes. They were all thrilled that I told them.”
“That’s even more amazing. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course. I’ll be sure to let you know when I decide I’m strong enough to do such a thing.” I was shocked by his words.
“Of course you’re strong enough! You’re just waiting for the right time and for when you are comfortable and ready. Coming out is such a big, pivotal moment in someone’s life. Don’t beat yourself up for trying to find the right time. No matter what, no matter if you never come out or if you come out tomorrow, I’m proud of you for starting to be honest with yourself about who you are.”
“I know you are, and I’m really grateful for that. If everyone else in the world shunned me or hated me for being gay and you were the only one to accept me, I’d still be happy. Having your support is the most important thing to me in the world.”
“I know I won’t be the only person to accept you. I’m positive other people will love and accept you,” I promised him.
“Hopefully.”
“More than hopefully.” Once again, silence. I searched for something to say to fill the awkward pause.
“Do you want to come over?” I found myself asking suddenly.
“Like, right now?” Austin sounded just as surprised as I was.
“Sure. My mom is making dinner right now. Maybe you could eat with us?” I offered.
“I’ll go ask my parents if you ask your mom,” Austin said.
“Great. Text me when you get a response.” I hung up after he agreed to text me. I ran down the stairs, nearly falling off the last one.
“Kaleb? What’s the matter? It sounds like an earthquake with how quickly you’re running!”
“Could Austin come eat dinner with us? I know you said you’d want to meet him at a different time but I really want you to meet him now.” I was panting and out of breath since I’d run down the stairs as if my life depended on it.
“Tonight?” Her tone made it sound like an instant ‘no’.
“Please?” I begged.
“Kaleb, I don’t know. I’d need some more time to make enough food for three people,” she said with a sigh.
“That’s fine with me. There’s plenty of time to eat at a normal hour like other families.” She thought for a moment. I watched her absentmindedly brush crumbs off of the counter. Please say yes. Please say yes! I thought. Finally, she threw her hands up and laughed. She continued to laugh as she tied her hair into a messy bun on top of her head.
“Why don’t you ask him to invite his parents and any siblings he may have and we can all eat together?” she offered generously.
“Are you serious?” I squealed, far too happy about such a simple offer. But it wasn’t so small and simple to me.
“Dead serious. Go, text him my offer.” I sent her a huge grin paired with a tight hug and whipped my phone out of my pocket. Austin had already texted me to say his parents said yes.
Even better offer. My mom said your parents and Mara could come too if they want!
Really? That’s great! I’ll go ask them now!
“He’s going to ask them now,” I told Mom, not looking away from the screen in anticipation of what Austin would say.
“Great. I’ll start making an even bigger meal. If they all agree, how many people will be joining us?” she asked, sliding a hand out of the apron pocket.
“His mom, his dad, and his sister, Mara. And of course, Austin.” My phone buzzed.
It’s a yes! What time should we be over?
Chapter Six
“Camira, this is delicious!” exclaimed Auston’s father, Louis, from his seat at the head of the table.
“Oh, thank you. I’m glad you like it.” The smile on Mom’s face proved just how happy she was to be hosting. Mom was at the other end of the table with Mara and Austin’s mom, Amanda. Austin and I sat on the other side, holding hands under the table.
“You’ll need to give me this recipe sometime!” cried Amanda.
“I will! It’s somewhere in the kitchen; I’ll be sure to give it to you before you go. Mara, may I ask what you think of it?” Mom asked, turning to Mara who had yet to say a word. I braced myself for an insult about the food, but Mara shrugged her shoulders and twirled her fork around a bite of pasta.
“Mara,” hissed Louis. “Don’t be rude; answer Camira’s question.” Mara shot her father a warning look before letting her fork crash down to her plate.
“It’s not half bad. Thanks, Mrs. Levillo,” she mumbled under her breath. Amanda let out a deep sigh she had been holding in and I felt Austin’s hand relax in mine. Mom smiled, relaxing like the rest of us.
“You are very welcome, Mara. I’m glad you like it.” Austin and I were both rather quiet for the rest of the meal, and Mara certainly noticed. While the adults cleaned up the kitchen, Mara cornered us by the stairs.
“You two were quiet during dinner,” she remarked, eyebrows raised.
“I guess we were just focused on eating,” Austin lied.
“‘Focused on eating’? Austin, you’re never that silent during a meal.”
“Neither are you, but here we are,” countered Austin. Mara threw her hands up.
“Gah! What do you want me to do? I’m trying to be a good sister and figure this out the best I can!” she yelled.
“Mara? What did I tell you about yelling in the house? Is everything okay?” called Mrs. Baier.
“Everything’s fine, Mom!” she shouted back. Austin and I exchanged a look.
“What do you mean you’re trying to figure all this out?” I asked her, cutting into the conversation. My comment earned me a furious expression from Mara.
“Excuse me, but I don’t remember talking to you about this. Mind your own business,” she snapped.
“Mara, if you want to talk to me about something, you can talk to Kaleb about it too,” Austin reminded her gently.
“Really? So, I could say anything at all and you wouldn’t care if he heard it?” Mara asked, as if she were plotting something. Was she going to try and say something to horrify me? Was there something about Austin I couldn’t live with knowing?
“Yes. You could say anything about me to him, and I wouldn’t hide in embarrassment.” Mara seemed to toy with the idea, leaning against the railing and tilting her head up like Austin would do when he was deep in thought.
“People always seem to say that before doing the exact opposite of what they said they’ll do,” Mara thought aloud. Unsure of what to say or do, I pulled Austin away from her. Neither of us needed to deal with her at the moment.
“Sorry about her. She’s always been angry,” Austin apologized once we were in the privacy of the living room.
“It’s alright. Everyone has their flaws and her’s is just anger.” Austin smiled.
“What’re your flaws?” he asked.
“I don’t know if I’ll have enough time to list them all,” I joked.
“Well, you’re perfect to me,” Austin whispered. I smiled.
“I’m not perfect,” I reminded him.
“Yes, you are. The most perfect people are molded from pain and you have seen so much pain.”
“God, that was beautiful,” I laughed softly.
“Austin, we need to get going shortly. Come thank Camira for the food,” Louis called from the kitchen. Austin frowned.
“Five more minutes?” he begged, sounding like a small child desperate to stay at a friend's house.
“No. You have school tomorrow!” his mother yelled.
“Ugh. Fine,” he groaned. He hugged me tightly. I didn’t want to let him go. I didn’t want to let go and have all of this leave.
“Bye, Austin,” I said against his head.
“Bye. I’ll see you tomorrow.” We both pulled away at the same time.
“Bye,” I said again.
“Are you going to come get in the car, or keep staring at him like you did all night?” Mara called from the doorway. Austin and I jumped and started to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” she asked suspiciously. Neither of us answered her and we walked around her so Austin could grab his shoes. I held the door open for him and offered him another hug before he left. Once the door was closed and Baier's car had pulled away, I heard my mother start to laugh behind me.
“What?” I asked, turning around to see a huge smile on her face.
“You two are the most adorable couple I’ve ever seen!” she exclaimed as if there were nothing happier in the world. I felt my face heat up and I laughed involuntarily with her.
“We are not a couple,” I said, partially wondering if that was true or not.
“Sure you aren’t. You may want to tell him that.” I slapped her arm jokingly and ran upstairs.
“I’m going to shower!” I shouted.
“You do that! I’ll find us a movie to watch for when you’re out!” she yelled back. True to her word, once we had both showered and put on pajamas, we found a favorite of Dad’s in the back cabinet under the TV. While a huge amount of popcorn was cooking in the kitchen, we turned the movie on. As the music to The Wizard Of Oz started to play, I felt the bittersweet moments of past times I spent watching this with Dad. It wasn’t until the Tin Man started to sing about wanting a heart that I really remembered why we loved this movie. Dad had always said there were people in this world that lived with no heart. They lived with no ability to feel emotions. He would say we watched that movie to help them. Now that I’m older, I know people don’t really not have hearts, they just are incapable of being kind. I know watching that movie always made him smile.
“Kaleb? Popcorn?” Mom asked, offering me a piece from the giant plastic bowl.
“What? Oh, sure,” I replied, taking the popcorn and chewing it slowly.
“Are you crying?” she exclaimed.
“No. I’m not crying, you’re crying!” I said defensively.
“Why’re you upset? This is supposed to be a happy movie!” she reminded me.
“I know. It’s just… this- this was the movie Dad and I used to always watch,” I choked out.
“Oh, Kaleb. I’m sorry. I completely forgot. Do you want to watch something else? The Wizard Of Oz is you and Dad’s movie, we could have a movie of our own.”
“I’d like that,” I agreed. She smiled, taking the remote from the corner of the foot rest. She started to flip through different channels and streaming services.
“How about…. No, not that one,” she mumbled to herself until she came across a classic. She didn’t stop at first, but I grabbed her arm and started yelling.
“God! Kaleb! What’re you screaming about!”
“Steve Martin! Father Of The Bride!” I shrieked. I pried the remote out of her hands and scrolled back.
“Oh!” she laughed. “That’s a great movie.”
“That’s the one. That’s our movie!” I decided. She nodded in agreement. We both laughed through the film, especially when Franck appeared.
“That man… deserves so many awards for his performance in this movie,” Mom deadpanned.
“So many,” I agreed.
“I will sue people to make sure this man is given the highest possible awards,” she swore.
“I’ll help you start protests,” I promised. We both started laughing, so loud we couldn’t hear George complaining about Bryan. Our laughter died down slowly after a while.
“They know,” I told her.
“What?” she asked.
“Mila and Declan know,” I said.
“That’s great, Kaleb. Are you happy you told them?” she said with an easygoing smile.
“Yeah. Now that the most important people in the world know the real me, I feel…”
“You feel what?”
“Free. Like finally the reins holding me back have been cut and I can soar to new heights now that I’ve introduced you all to the real me.”
“I’m sorry if you ever felt like you couldn’t be yourself around us.” Honestly? Sometimes I had felt that way. Like my family wouldn’t allow me to explore new parts of myself. But they wanted me to be myself. They wanted to know the real me as much as I did. For that, I was eternally grateful. They loved me. They all did.
“Oh!” I exclaimed, leaping off of the couch.
“Kaleb! You need to stop suddenly thinking of stuff in the middle of conversations and movies!” Mom yelled jokingly.
“I’m sorry, but I have to do something!” I shouted over my shoulder as I ran upstairs. I heard her pause the TV and laugh to herself.
“That boy…. At least he keeps me on my toes.” I could hear her chuckling to herself from my room.
“Toria!” I nearly screamed as soon as she answered my call.
“Agh! Kaleb! You do know my hearing is perfectly fine, right? You don’t need to yell!” Toria laughed.
“Sorry! Sorry! I just- well- I decided I wanted you to know something really important,” I admitted to her, sitting cross legged on my bed as I started to feel more reality sink in.
“‘Important’?” she repeated. “Do tell. I’m invested in this.”
“You were right. I do want to go to the dance with Austin.”
“Yay! I love it when people admit that I’m right, which I usually am. I’m really happy for you, Kaleb.”
“Hold up- hold up,” I said. “You’re just glad you were right?”
“Well… yeah. I mean, wouldn’t you be?” I could tell she was being sarcastic, and I didn’t hold it against her.
“I guess so.”
“But in all seriousness? Kaleb, I’m really happy you told me. This isn’t going to change anything between us,” she promised me.
“Good. I mean, I doubted it would change anything, but I had to tell you.”
“Yeah, keeping me in the dark about something like that…” her voice trailed off.
“Toria?” I mumbled, picking at some fuzz on my pillow.
“What’s up?”
“Are you mad?”
“Mad? What on Earth would I be mad about? Other than the climate crisis and the lack of rights people have.” She really seemed to have no idea what I was talking about.
“No. Well, yes. We should be frustrated about all that. But I thought you were mad at me about hanging out with Austin so much,” I informed her.
“Mad? About that? Kaleb, no. I was hoping you two would spend more time with each other. I was secretly hoping you two would fall for each other,” she admitted.
“Really?” I exclaimed.
“Kaleb! I don’t know what you’re doing up there, but you could still be quiet! I am trying to watch the news!” Mom shouted from downstairs.
“Sorry, Mom!” I shouted back before I lowered my voice. “Really, Toria? You were really hoping we’d fall in love from the start?”
“As crazy as it may sound, yes. I was,” she said. I could practically hear her smile through the phone.
“You’re ridiculous. You know that, right?” I teased.
“Whole heartedly.”
“Good. Now, Toria. I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you tomorrow.” I waited until she said bye before hanging up.
“Good talk?” Mom asked, meeting me at the foot of the stairs.
“More like a great talk,” I explained with a smile.
“That’s excellent. Now, are we going to finish the movie? Or have we had enough drama for the night?” I thought it through. We really had a lot of drama today. I’d come out to my best friend, brother, and Mom. My boyfriend, if that’s what we decided to officially call each other, had come over with his family. And just to add to it all, I’d had enough deep and meaningful conversations just these past few hours to last a lifetime.
“I think there’s been enough drama for tonight,” I decided.
“Agreed. And we’ve both already showered, so why don’t you go brush your teeth, head to bed, and I’ll see you in the morning?” she offered.
“Perfect.” You know the part in books when the character has sudden plot development or some big secret is revealed to change the entire book? I was pretty sure this was that moment in my life. I knew who I was. I was ready to show the real Kaleb Levillo to the world, and I was starting now.
Chapter Seven
In the days that passed, so much had happened. I don’t know the exact details of what happened, but Austin no longer had to serve detention. Andrew was still going to be serving his punishment for some time. Toria was able to convince the school to change her schedule around a bit so now she had lunch with Austin and I. She’s been getting along with Serena very well. They decided to go to the dance together as friends, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something between them showed up later. Austin and I officially decided to go with the term ‘boyfriends’, and I couldn’t be happier with that choice. It was the day of the dance, and the commotion of what was to happen later was hectic.
“So, everyone. What’re you all wearing to the dance?” Serena asked. She’d really opened up to all of us after we learned more about her. Serena’s mom left the picture back when she was an infant. She’d explained how she went through a lot of bullying because she was biracial. We all get along great. We’ve all prepared to the best of our abilities for what will happen tonight when two girls and two guys are at the dance together.
“Ooh! Okay!” exclaimed Toria, throwing her tray down on the table eagerly. I could see the colors flashing behind her eyes. Whatever she was planning to wear, well, it would certainly be a spectacle.
“Oh no. Toria, what have you done?” laughed Austin as he joined us.
“Nothing! At least, not yet. Basically, it’s a navy blue dress. Shorter in the front, but in the back, it’s super long. It’s beautiful. I can’t even put into words how good it looks!” she squealed.
“I can’t wait to see it. Mine’s a sage green green dress that I’m wearing with Toria William signature combat boots,” Serena said. It was almost weird to see her so animated. She was so different from the mute girl I’d met just a few days ago.
“Gorgeous. Boys, what about you?” Toria asked, turning the conversation to us.
“Black suit. Something simple so I won’t draw attention,” Austin said between bites of his sandwich.
“Copycat!” I shrieked, pretending to slap his arm. “I’m wearing a black suit too!” Toria, Serena, and Austin laughed right along with me.
“We’ve got rides figured out? Is Mara driving all of us?” Serena asked Austin.
“Yup. And she made it crystal clear that driving her brother, through adoption, and his friends to a back to school dance is top of her list on things she does not want to do,” replied Austin,
“I could drive,” Toria offered.
“NO!” I cried. “Sorry, Tor, but I want to survive the drive to the dance.”
“Hey! I’m not that bad of a driver!”
“Toria, when you tried to drive up my street the other day you nearly wrecked the car five times,” Serena reminded her gently.
“That- that is accurate,” Toria said with a sigh.
“Excellent. We all agree Mara is the safer choice.” The rest of the day was a huge bundle of nerves as we all waited for the final bell to ring. All everyone here wanted to do was go home and get ready for the dance. When, finally, the last bell rang for the day, no one could run fast enough to get out of there. Austin, Toria, and I grabbed the last row of the bus while we started plotting our plan for later instantly.
“Austin, you’ll text in the group chat once you’re on your way?” I asked.
“Of course! We’re picking Toria up first, then you, Kaleb, and Serena last.”
“But not least!” exclaimed Serena as she ran to our saved seats.
“Serena!” Toria cried. “I thought you rode the bus? What’re you doing here?”
“I convinced my dad to let me go home with you today,” she explained before sitting down next to Toria.
“Well, I’m glad you did.” Austin caught Serena up to speed with the plan, although she already knew most of the details. When the bus pulled to my stop, I ran inside to start getting ready immediately. The dance started in an hour, and there was no time to waste. Mom had agreed to get home early to help me with anything I’d need, but there was no sign of her so far. I couldn’t possibly be ready for this. Was I really about to attend a dance with Austin Baier? I heard the garage door start to slide open as I paced around my room.
“Kaleb? Are you home yet?” Mom called to me after the door slammed.
“Yeah! I’m getting ready!”
“Come eat something! You don’t want to be a starving mess at the dance, do you?” she warned me. I thought it over. As much nerves as I had, eating something might help even just a bit.
“Fine!” I yelled back to her before walking downstairs to meet her.
“Oh, Kaleb!” she laughed when she saw me. I was well aware my hair was messy and that I looked like a wreck.
“Aw, come on!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up like I was quitting. “It can’t possibly be that bad!”
“Oh, no. No, of course it isn’t that bad! You just look… you look a little flustered. Come eat. It’ll help you feel better.” I sighed, walking down the last step and into the kitchen.
“Have some blueberries. They’re scientifically proven to help with stress and anxiety,” she explained.
“I’m not stressed!” I cried defensively.
“Everyone is stressed, Kaleb. It’s nothing to feel ashamed of, you just need to take a deep breath and eating something good will help you,” she urged me. I reached into the fridge and withdrew the plastic container filled with the fruit. Mom handed me a bowl to wash them in.
“Nervous?” she asked, watching my hands shake over the sink as I ran the berries under the sink. I shot her a warning look.
“Don’t even get me started.” She smiled, taking a seat at the counter.
“I remember my first dance,” she recalled dreamily.
“Mom, I really don’t want to hear about some random-”
“Jacob and I had a great time,” she said.
“You knew Dad back then?” I asked.
“Of course I did! Haven’t you heard me talk about how our families were friends back then?” she laughed.
“I- I just didn’t think… nevermind. So, what happened?” I was suddenly feeling much more interested. Hearing details about her and Dad when they were kids… it felt different than hearing about them just a few years ago. Like these were the moments before the weight of their roles came crashing down on their shoulders.
“Well, everyone else that went? Most of them got into fights later but we didn’t. The whole night felt magical.” I could tell she was leaving some things out. It must have been so beautiful she couldn’t put how amazing it was into words.
“That’s great, Mom. It sounds amazing.”
“It was. I still remember that dance to this very day. I hope your time at your first dance is just as wonderful as anyone else’s, if not more,” she told me.
“I hope so too.” I finished eating the rest of the blueberries before taking a deep breath.
“Okay. I think I’m okay now. I’m going to go upstairs and change.”
“Perfect. I’ll be down here getting my camera ready,” she said, standing up and moving towards the hall closet where she kept her camera.
“No! Mom, no. No pictures!” I cried.
“Kaleb, you knew I was going to want to document this moment! Mila and Declan aren’t here to go to the dance, so I need to take even more pictures! Now, go get in your suit. I want to have enough time to get some of you and a lot of you and Austin!” I smiled and nodded, turning to walk upstairs. I didn’t go downstairs right away after I was dressed. I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to figure out who it was staring back at me. This was an older, mature, discovered version of Kaleb Levillo. Had I seen this young man about a month ago, I wouldn’t have believed it to be me. But it was me. I could see it clear as day now. I knew who I was, and the dance was proof of that. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I expected it to be Austin, but it was a FaceTime call from Mila and Declan. I pressed ‘anwer’ and Mila and Declan appeared on the screen. They were both dressed in sweatshirts and their hair was messy. I looked like a masterpiece next to them.
“Kaleb!” Mila squealed. “You look so grown up!”
“She’s right. You look great, Kaleb. Austin is going to be very happy to have you by his side tonight!” Declan agreed.
“Thanks, you two. I miss you two could be here with me,” I said.
“Nonsense. You just go out there and have the time of your life! You hear me? Time. Of. Your. Life!” Mila cried.
“I’ll try.”
“You’ll do more than try. You are going to have the best time tonight, Kaleb. I can almost see it in your future,” Declan teased.
“Not the triplet powers again,” I groaned. Mila laughed along with us. I heard a horn honk from outside.
“Kaleb! He’s here!” Mom yelled.
“Oh, God. He’s here. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say?” I wondered aloud.
“You're supposed to be your best, authentic self and have a great time!” Declan reminded me.
“Thank you. What would I do without you two?” I thanked them.
“Well, you’d certainly be living a very messy life,” joked Mila. I grinned and waved to them before hanging up and walking downstairs. Austin looked absolutely amazing. Toria stood next to him in a dress even more beautiful than what she had described earlier that day.
“Austin!” I shrieked, running down to meet him. He wrapped me in a huge hug that I saw Mom capture with her camera.
“Aw. You two are so, so sweet together!” Toria interrupted the moment. She moved over and posed with us, Mom catching every moment with the camera.
“Perfect. Now, just one of Kaleb. And one of Toria….” Mom’s instructions lasted a while, but it never seemed to get old. Finally, Mom snapped the cover over the camera and smiled.
“Alright. That’s the last one. You kids go out and have a great time,” she told us. I hugged her goodbye and walked out the door behind Austin. We picked Serena up next and her house was a toned down version of the same schedule: Taking pictures and nerves. Serena's father was very kind, but quite reserved. I noticed a photo of a woman I assumed to be Serena’s mother in the hallway. She was a physical antonym for Serena. Every physical characteristic they had was different. After the last photo was taken, we piled back into the car and drove to the school. Mara parked the car and turned to face us all before we could leave.
“If anything happens, anything that makes you want to leave, call me. I’ll hang around until it ends,” she told us.
“Thanks, Mara, but I’m pretty sure everything will be okay,” Austin replied, starting to open his door.
“I’m not trying to be a downer, Austin, but I’ve seen situations like this. Kids are mean and far from understanding. Especially when it’s two people of the same gender.” A lump formed in my throat.
“It’ll be fine, Mara,” Serena whispered.
“But it won’t be. Not until all the homophobia ends. But that’s going to take a long time. The world’s gotten a lot better, but it isn’t all the way better. People still get bullied and killed for this,” I said.
“Kaleb’s right. Swear to me that you won’t try and stick up for yourself. Just get out of there the second anyone bothers you,” said Mara. We gave her a curt nod before walking into the school. The decorations were brilliant. It was hard to believe that this had been thrown together in a week.
“Oh, it’s beautiful!” exclaimed Toria as we walked in.
“The Toria I know and love wouldn’t be acting like this,” I commented, staring at the blue fairy lights hanging from the ceiling.
“Well, neither would you,” she fired back. Soft music was playing in the background, waiting for more people to arrive before we could really start dancing the night away.
“Are you happy?” Austin asked me while we stood by the snack table.
“Of course I am! This is one of the happiest nights of my life. Why wouldn’t I be happy?” I answered, handing him a plastic cup.
“Because both of us know how much crap we’re going to go through tonight just to be here together,” Austin pointed out. I sighed. I knew that was true. I really, really wished the world wasn’t like that.
“As difficult as it’s going to be, let’s just try and enjoy the night. Show them that they can’t bring us down no matter what they throw at us,” I said bravely.
“Great idea.” A fast song, perfect for dancing, came on and we ran out there to dance side by side with Toria and Serena. We were all dancing around and laughing, having a great time. Nothing seemed like it could ruin that night from the outside, but on the inside, we could feel a looming threat hanging in the air. The threat that something could happen at any second was so real, and it was terrifying. Around halfway through the night, I saw Andrew and his friends point at my friends and I. I gulped, aware they were the main threat. I turned around just in time to keep Andrew from noticing me.
“He knows we’re here,” I whispered into Austin’s ear.
“Who? Andrew?” he whispered back.
“Yeah.” I saw Andrew walking towards us. There was a look on his face that I couldn’t describe. He looked… guilty, almost. Like he felt sorry for something.
“Kaleb, Austin? Could I talk to you two?” he asked once he was at our sides. I glared at him. Toria and Serena cut in and crossed their arms.
“No, Andrew. We all know what you would try to do, and we’re not dealing with it,” I snapped.
“No, I’m not going to try and hurt any of you. I just want to apologize for what I did to all of you. I was horrible, and I really want to show you all that I regret what I did,” he said. I raised my eyebrows and looked over at Austin. Were we going to buy his lie?
“Andrew, we’ve all known you for a while. Why should I start believing you now?” Toria said, exasperated.
“I agree; there’s no reason you should. I’ve done horrible things to all of you, but I want to apologize. I can get Morgan and Kamara over here too to apologize to you, Serena,” he offered. Why was his voice suddenly… genuine? Did he really want to say sorry for what he’d done?
“Kaleb, I think we should trust him,” Austin murmured to me, turning his head so Andrew couldn’t hear him.
“Why? He’s done such awful things-”
“Exactly. If people try to change and we don’t let them move on by apologizing, they never grow. We need to let him apologize,” Austin explained. I stared at him, trying to figure out why he wanted this so much.
“Why? Why does he deserve closure?” I asked.
“My late friend wasn’t a great person. He didn’t get closure before he passed. Giving Andrew closure… It's like he got closure. And I need that,” Austin told me. I took his hand and nodded.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay. He can have closure.” Austin smiled at me.
“Thank you.”
“Andrew, you can have five minutes. No more, no less.” Andrew smiled.
“Great. Morgan and Kamara will be there too. I hope that’s okay; I wanted them to apologize for what they’ve done to Serena,” he said. Andrew led us all outside and I noticed a cluster of his friends and Morgan and Kamara’s clique.
“Austin?” I hissed.
“Yeah?” he replied, just as quiet as I had been.
“Have your phone ready to call Mara,” I told him, pointing in the direction of all the other teens.
“Smart. Warn Toria and Serena,” he instructed me. I did so, and cleared my throat to cue Andrew’s apology.
“We don’t have all night, Andrew. What do you want to say?”
“That you’re all freaks. None of you deserve to be here. You should all just-” Andrew started to say before his friends rushed forward. I felt something collide with my jaw and I heard one of the girls yell. Everything was complete chaos and somehow I ended up on the cement. Yelling and chaos was all I could hear. I shouted for Austin, begging to know if he was okay.
“Austin!” I screamed. I saw Toria punch Morgan in the face before turning and running out of there with Serena. The doors to the school opened. Where was Austin? Someone dragged me to my feet and just started hitting me. My face was bleeding horribly, and with each hit I lost more and more consciousness.
“Stop!” someone screamed. Was that me yelling? No, it was someone different. Austin. I felt my head completely twist to the left with another hit. Now I was screaming bloody murder. The pain was so much, I was almost numb. Almost. Another blow came and it was far worse than the one before it. Tears were starting to mix with the blood gushing down my face.
“Ha! Andrew, look at this pathetic mess! He’s crying!” taunted one of Andrew’s friends. Laughter was the only thing I could hear.
“Hey!” screamed a woman’s voice. Footsteps drew near and whoever had been holding me up let me drop back down to the ground.
“Run, run! Go!” shouted Andrew. They all ran off. I couldn’t see anything from the blood and tears covering my eyes, so I had no clue what was going on.
“Austin?” I mumbled, trying to get to my feet. Someone was next to me, their hands on my shoulders, helping me get to my feet.
“Hi. Hi, Kaleb. Oh, God. I can’t believe I thought I could leave you out there to fend for yourself.” It was Austin helping me.
“You’re here. You’re okay,” I exhaled.
“I’m okay,” he assured me. He brushed some of the blood out of my eyes so I could see him. His face was a bit bloodied and bruised, but it didn’t look that bad. I must have looked horrible next to him. The worst damage done to him was his cut lip, but everything else would be gone within a few days. Once I was standing, he led me over to a bench.
“Are you okay?” he asked me, holding my hands in his.
“Not really,” I admitted honestly. A group of teachers were standing around gathering a few of the bullies. Toria and Serena were standing awkwardly to the side, and normally I would have invited them over but this time I really only wanted to talk with Austin. I made sure to take in their injuries before looking away. Toria’s beloved dress was a bit torn and her nose was bleeding, but other than that she was fine. Serena’s right eye was black and her cheek was bruised with a long cut buried in it. I looked back to Austin.
“What happened?” I asked, my memory a bit foggy.
“Andrew’s friends rushed over and just started hitting all of us. You went down first and no matter how hard any of us tried, we couldn’t get over to you and help. Toria got a couple of good hits in and was able to get Morgan and Kamara’s group away before she led Serena inside to get help. I got inside not long after them. I didn’t see all that happened to you, but they attacked you, Kaleb. Their goal was to hurt you more than any of us. I tried everything I could to get them away, but they didn’t stop until Toria and Serena got the teachers out here and they fled,” Austin told me. His voice was so soft, it almost sounded like it hurt him to tell me this.
“How bad is it?” I murmured, looking down at our laced fingers.
“So much worse than it should be,” he sobbed.
“It’s okay,” I tried to convince him, but I should have known better than to lie to him.
“It isn’t! They hurt you. They hurt all of us, but you were the real victim!” Austin cried. He started to cry along with Serena. Toria kept a strong face, but I couldn’t help but notice her shoulders shaking a bit.
“I’m calling Mara.”
“Don’t. At least, not yet. I want to have one slow dance with you, and I’m not letting those bullies think they scared us away. They have no power over any of us,” I decided. Austin hesitated.
“Are sure that’s a good idea? We could just be giving them more reason to hurt us in the future,” Austin reminded me.
“True. But not dancing with you will just kill me,” I exaggerated. Austin cracked a smile.
“One last dance,” he agreed. We walked back inside slowly, me leaning on Austin because it hurt to stand. Just our luck, a slow song was playing when we walked in. A gap cleared for us immediately. I smiled and started dancing with my boyfriend. The song, Come What May, was perfect for us. People shot us weird looks as we danced, but we ignored them. There was no other place I wanted to be than right here with Austin. Toria and Serena were dancing next to us with smiles just as big as ours on their faces. A drop of blood dripped from my face and onto the gym floor. I was suddenly aware of how dizzy and nauseous I was. I felt my feet fumble underneath me.
“You okay?” Austin asked me.
“Yeah. Just a bit dizzy,” I told him, lying about how horrible I really felt.
“We can go,” he insisted.
“And we will. After the song ends.” He nodded. The last note of the song rang out, and we made our way towards the doors. A teacher stopped us on our way out.
“Oh, my goodness! What happened here?” cried the teacher.
“Don’t worry; we’re leaving,” Toria told him, pushing the door open.
“Why don’t we at least give you some gauze or something? For the cuts?” he offered.
“The sooner we get home, the better,” Serena said over her shoulder as she pushed Austin and me out of the school. The teacher dropped it and let us go. Mara was already parked and waiting for us. Her jaw dropped to the floor when she saw us coming out of the school.
“What happened?” she screamed, jumping out of the car and running to open the doors for us.
“What do you think?” Austin snapped. He was obviously mad about what happened.
“I told you to call me if any trouble started!” Mara yelled, slapping the roof of the car.
“Just stop! Both of you! We need to get home right now, and your fighting isn’t going to help!” Serena cried, louder than I’d ever heard her before. Mara sighed and got back in the driver’s seat.
“Fine. I’m dropping Kaleb off first,” she informed us.
“Works for me,” Toria said, leaning back to help me wrap the gauze around one of the gashes on my leg. I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror, and I felt even more sick to my stomach. My nose was gushing blood with dozens of gashes and cuts on my checks. My lips were cut in multiple spots and there was a mark through my eyebrow that would certainly leave a scar. My right eye was already starting to form a black eye. I looked awful. Austin caught me looking and pressed his lips together.
“I know it’s bad, but it’ll get better,” he assured me.
“Most of these cuts will leave a scar!” I exclaimed. Austin sighed, aware what I said was probably true.
“But it won’t kill you,” he reminded me.
“True. But it hurts.” He gripped my hand in his until we got to my house. Mom was already outside waiting for us when we pulled into the driveway.
“KALEB!” she screamed when she saw me. She ran towards me, grabbing me from Austin. “What happened? Who did this to you?”
“Bullies,” I mumbled. She cast a worried look at Austin.
“Did they fight all of you?” she whispered.
“Kaleb mostly,” he mumbled his reply. Mom dragged me inside, Austin following after us. I saw him wave Mara off, telling her it was okay to go. Mom let her tears start flowing the second the front door was closed.
“Why? Why do people have to be so horrible?” she sobbed, running into the bathroom to get a rag. Some time later, we ended up at urgent care. I ended up getting somewhere around twenty stitches in total that night all over my face along with painkillers. Austin stayed by my side that entire time we were at the doctor’s and ended up sleeping over at my house that night.
“I’m sorry,” he said to me once we got back to my house.
“Sorry? For what?” I asked.
“If I hadn’t told you he deserved closure, this never would have happened. It’s my fault.”
“Austin, listen to me. This is not your fault. Andrew would have found a way to hurt us. That was just the way that happened to work,” I assured him.
“I know. I just can’t help but feel bad, like I caused your pain,” he said through a sob. I covered my mouth, heartbroken he had thought that.
“Austin, this never could have been your fault!” I cried. He smiled through his tears.
“But I-”
“‘But you’ nothing. This isn’t anywhere close to being your fault, and it never will be,” I told him. Taking his hands in mine, I smiled at him and waited for him to return it.
“I swear, you didn’t do this. These scars? They would have been worse had it not been for you. You didn’t hurt me. You saved me.”
We both got the week off of school and Andrew was expelled for violence. I still can’t remember all the details from the night of the fight, but my injuries were worse than everyone else’s. They included a concussion, stitches, and somehow I twisted my ankle. When I got back to school, Clove was quick to approach me about what happened that night.
“I heard what happened,” they said to me one day in homeroom.
“I figured. Most of everyone has,” I replied, sitting down in my chair.
“I’m sorry,” Clove pressed.
“Thanks.” Austin was in the principal's office that morning to explain a bit more about what happened that night.
“A ton of people have been talking about it, you know, trying to figure out something to show that we’re on your side.” As much as I enjoyed talking to Clove, my headache was growing worse from all the talking.
“That’s nice, Clove, but right now, I really just want to get my life back on track,” I told them. Clove nodded both thoughtfully and understandingly. This was why I considered Clove my close friend. They were always kind and understood when you wanted space.
“I understand completely. Let me know if you want to talk later,” they offered. I smiled through the pain.
“I will. Thank you.” The bell rang, causing my headache to lurch around painfully. Mr. Fletcher cleared his throat and began roll call.
“Mr. Levillo, I see you’re back with us today.” It was hard to decipher the tone of his voice.
“I am,” I replied emotionlessly.
“And Mr. Baier is still absent?” he pressed.
“No, he’s in the office.” Mr. Fletcher smirked. Did he wish for Austin to be in trouble? Mr. Fletcher moved on from tormenting me and continued calling names. Hadn’t he learned to recognize us when we walked in so he didn’t have to call attendance everyday? I thought. The class seemed to drag on endlessly and with every tick of a passing second I felt the feeling of wanting to run out more and more.
“Hey, Kaleb,” a boy next to me whispered. “I heard about the fight and I just wanted to say great job. And to thank you. You winning the fight was basically you standing up for every kid Andrew has ever made fun of!” His excitement about my pain was odd. Didn’t he know about the hours I spent in urgent care getting stitches? Or about the pain my concussion caused me?
“Oh. You’re welcome, I guess. It really wasn’t that fun to fight him. More painful than anything. But if it helped some people feel like they had someone standing up for them, that’s good,” I replied, a bit confused about what he wanted me to say. The boy grinned at me. He almost looked starstruck, but I didn’t feel like the type of person people feel that around. I was no celebrity. All I did was take a bunch of hits and get Andrew rightfully expelled. It’s not like I did any damage to Andrew or his friends. The door swung open, revealing Austin standing there. He rushed over and hugged me.
“Hi,” I said, grinning at him. “How’d it go?”
“Great. Andrew will have this on his permanent record and won’t be getting back into the school for a while,” he explained, sitting down in the saved seat next to me.
“He deserves it.”
“He does. But there’s something else,” Austin added.
“Something else? What, does he have to do community service?”
“No, well, yes. But he also has to give a genuine apology to Toria, Serena, and you. He just gave his apology to me,” Austin told me.
“That’s it? I thought it’d be something worse. I deserve an apology; we all do. He made our lives miserable,” I said, leaning back in my seat slightly.
“Correct. Which is why I want you to enjoy his apology with all your heart.” I swore to myself that I would. I found myself in the office across from Andrew during third period.
“Well?” I pressed, crossing my arms, waiting for his apology.
“I am sorry, Kaleb. I know I was the worst to you out of everyone,” Andrew said.
“You were. But you owe apologies to so many more people other than me,” I told him. I wasn’t going to immediately forgive him. He needed to own up to everything, not just this fight.
“I know. And I plan on reaching out to a lot of them, if not all, soon,” he promised.
“But what will that change? How do I know this isn’t a fake apology just so you can get out of this?” I asked.
“How am I supposed to convince you? It’s not like I can just-” I cut him off.
“That’s your job to figure out.” Andrew’s eyes narrowed and he craned his neck to look out of the office. What was he doing?
“Fine. You caught me,” he spat. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You aren’t going to say a word about how none of this was true. Instead, you’ll say I gave the most genuine apology you’ve ever heard. You’re going to go back to class and forget everything. As far as you’re concerned, you don’t know me. But I want to make one thing crystal clear. I will never stop. Every breath you take, every move you make, I’m watching you. Every corner you turn and every word you say, I’ll be watching and waiting for the day when I can finish this. Andrew stood from his chair and leaned closer to me. “So watch your back, Levillo.” I stared at him. His threats were so real. I knew he wasn’t lying; he’d kill me if he got the chance.
“Got it?” he hissed. I nodded, unable to speak.
“Good. Now, leave.” I leapt from my chair instantly and ran back to class.
“Kaleb? What’s wrong?” Austin asked me quietly when I got back to class. I had to tell him. If no one knew what Andrew said, I was as good as gone.
“Andrew threatened to kill me.” Without a word, Austin jumped out of his seat and was stalking down the hallway. The look on his face only meant one thing: He was going to hurt Andrew.
“Austin!” I yelled, chasing him down the hallway. He had already cornered Andrew in the office.
“WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM?” Austin screamed at him. The receptionist was trying to pull Austin away from him, but he kept pulling out of their grasp.
“Austin, please, calm down,” said the principal, coming out of his office.
“NO! He- he said he’d kill him!” Austin shouted.
“WHo? Who is he going to kill?”
“Kaleb! He- he said he'd kill him!” Austin was crying now. The principal looked over at Andrew, horrified.
“Andrew, Kaleb, is this true?” Andrew looked away, but I nodded.
“It’s true.” The principal sighed, dropping Austin’s arm and dragging Andrew away. I walked forward and hugged Austin. My arms wrapped tightly around him and I whispered against his head,
“Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay. He isn’t going to hurt me or anyone else. We did the right thing.” Austin hugged me tighter and I started to cry with him.
“No one is going to get hurt,” I assured him.
“No,” he agreed. He pulled away and wiped his eyes.
“I love you,” I told him.
“I love you too.”
Epilogue
The TV blared in the background, announcing a new float going by in the Pride Parade before Austin muted it.
“Can you believe this?” he asked me, plopping down on the couch next to me.
“No,” I laughed. “Can you?”
“No,” he agreed. I grinned. Ten years later, and our lives were completely different. We were both living in the safe haven for all members of the LGBTQIAP+ community that was named Aeternum. The name was submitted into a naming contest by none other than my best friend, Toria. The name is Latin for ‘eternal’, meaning that members of the community have eternal safety here. Aeternum is a beautiful place to live, and we couldn’t be happier here. Austin and I got married just two years ago when we were twenty three, and our life together was even more perfect than either of us could imagine. Austin became a reporter at our local news station whereas I became an author, writing about experiences we had as children. My latest project was writing about how I felt through being bullied, and how I felt when I discovered what had happened to Andrew, my former tormentor.
“Are you still thinking about him?” Austin asked me quietly. I knew what he was talking about. Everytime I go silent I’m often thinking of the same thing: Andrew’s death.
“Yeah. I mean, it was so horrible. And he was so young too,” I added, wiping a tear that managed to slip down my face. Andrew got into a ton of trouble with the law when he was sixteen. He served time in Juvie until he was eighteen. After he got out, there was no one left for him. His parents had disowned him and his friends wouldn’t help him. He sought our help for a few months, but we refused to help him even after he explained what had happened. He had hurt us, and we didn’t want to be hurt by him again. We got a call a few months after Andrew stopped trying to get our help. Andrew ‘s body had been found floating in the nearby river. There was a note in his pocket with our phone number on it. We were his only contact. The only people that knew of his death. The caller told us that Andrew died at age nineteen. His last words to us were ‘I would have helped both of you with anything to show how sorry I was for hurting you’. And then he died.
“He was,” Austin agreed, lowering his head solemnly. I cleared my throat, trying to avoid focusing on the tragic elements of life.
“Think Quinn and Reagan are ready?” I asked. Reagan and Quinn are our adopted daughters.
“They should be,” he answered, standing from the couch. “Hey! Girls! Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah!” Reagan yelled, running into the room with Quinn hot on her heels. Both girls were adopted and we couldn’t love them more. Reagan was five with olive skin and long, impossibly dark hair. Her eyes were the exact same shade of blue as Austin’s. And then there was Quinn, our seven-year-old. Her long blonde hair was delicate and her green eyes stung to stare at for too long. They were opposites personality wise, just like their physical characteristics. Quinn was quiet and shy, but Reagan was wild and outgoing. I scooped Reagan up and held her upside down.
“Haha!” she laughed. “Dad! Put me down!” Her squealing was adorable, and I pretended to drop her on the couch. Austin smiled at the two of us and took Quinn’s hand, leading her to the garage to put their shoes on.
“Dad?” Reagan asked, sitting upright from the position I’d dropped her in.
“What’s up, Re?” I answered, joining her on the couch.
“Who’s going to the parade with us?”
“Your Uncle Declan, Aunt Mila, Aunt Toria and her husband, Aunt Serena, and your Auncle Clove. Some of them might bring their kids so you can all play together when we get home,” I told her, smiling at the thought of seeing all my childhood friends and my siblings along with my nieces and nephews. We’d all been planning to meet at the Pride Parade for a few months, but what they didn’t know was that Austin and I would be speaking at the parade.
“Will Grandma be there?” she asked, smiling just as I had when I mentioned her cousins.
“Not this time, sweetie. Grandma had to take care of some things back home, but she’ll come see us for your birthday,” I said.
“Yay!” Reagan cried, instantly forgetting my mother’s absence at the parade. I smiled before reaching forward and swinging her in a circle.
“Alright, you. Time to put our shoes on,” I told her, dragging her to the garage.
“I know, Quinny. I’m excited too. Plus, Dad and I get to talk at the Parade,” I heard Austin saying through the door.
“Talk? In front of everyone? Aren’t you scared?” Quinn whispered. Austin laughed.
“Of course I am, but Dad will be there with me, so it’ll be okay. I know he’s going to make everything easier,” Austin told her. I smiled. He really thought I could make everything easier, and knowing that took a weight off my shoulders. I opened the door and hugged Austin to surprise him.
“Boo,” I said. He jumped and started laughing. He tilted his head back and kissed me on the forehead.
“Hi. Are you ready?” he asked.
“I just need to put my shoes on then I am,” I answered, grabbing my shoes from the rack.
“Perfect. Re, you ready?” Austin turned to Reagan who was struggling with her left shoelace.
“Just a second!” she cried, shoving her foot into the sneaker. I cracked a grin and walked over to Quinn.
“How about you, Quinny? Ready to go march with us?” I asked my older daughter. Quinn smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I grabbed our Pride flag from the back of the car and walked out to the driveway.
“Let’s do this!” I shouted, starting to run down the sidewalk to meet all the other marchers. Pride music was already playing in the streets and everyone was waving their flags. Austin took Quinn’s hand in one of his and mine in the other. I handed the flag to Reagan who started waving it around happily. I slipped my hand into her free hand and I marched down the street with my family. People were cheering and I caught Austin’s eye. We exchanged a look of amazement. Just ten years ago, neither of us thought we’d be marching in a Pride Parade in a country where every member of the community was free, safe. Nevertheless, here we were. Two daughters, and married. We’d survived all the fighting and bullies to get to this moment and march, free. We finally had the rights we’d been searching for and we were finally free to ourselves. This was perfect. I had everything and everyone I loved here with me. My beloved daughters, and Austin. My husband. The man I loved with all my heart.
“Hey!” Toria shouted, waving at us from the corner just ahead. Reagan and Quinn bolted ahead of us to see Toria’s son, Will. Mila and Declan were next to Toria’s family holding Pride flags. They were ready to march with us.
“Everyone ready?” Mila asked, turning in a circle to hear from everyone.
“Ready,” I breathed. The kids ran ahead of us while Austin and I held a flag in our empty hands. Our other hands were still tightly laced together. The adults all walked side by side, smiling at how far the world had come. Serena and Clove met us on the next street. Serena wore a shirt with the Lesbian flag printed on it while Clove had several bracelets with the Nonbinary flag on it.
“Hey, you two,” I greeted them with a grin.
“Hi!” Clove said, hugging Toria and squinting into the sun. “Where are my favorite Baier-Levillo girls?” Quinn ran over and wrapped her arms around Clove.
“Clove!” she squealed. Serena threw her hands up, pretending to be upset.
“What am I? Chopped liver?” she exaggerated.
“Aunt Serena!” Reagan screamed. She hugged her tightly and couldn’t stop laughing. Serena and Reagan had a close bond ever since Serena had been Reagan’s foster mom while Austin and I filed out the paperwork to legally adopt her. I smiled at my daughter’s enthusiasm. Seeing their extended family always brought a smile to their faces.
“And how are you, lovelies?” Serena asked, crouching down to stand at eye level with them.
“Great! Dads get to-”
“Reagan, we agreed it would be a surprise,” I reminded her, catching her just in time from spoiling the surprise about the speech. Reagan covered her mouth instantly.
“Oops. Sorry, Dad. I forgot. I can’t tell you- yet!” Reagan teased, continuing to run ahead.
“That girl has more energy than anyone else on this planet. I don’t know how to do it,” Serena sighed, silently laughing to herself.
“We’re just magical,” Austin joked.
“Yes, we are. Now, come on. I want to see the speeches,” I told them, marching ahead.
“Forward-ho!” Austin yelled to our family. We started forward again and with each step, I grew more and more excited about our speech.
“So, Kaleb. How’s your book coming?” Declan asked me.
“It’s a bit of a sensitive topic, but it’s going well,” I told him, smiling at the bittersweet thought of my rough drafted story. Writing about Andrew was difficult- reliving all those memories- but it was worth it. I felt a need for people to know his story.
“Yeah? You’ll need to send me a copy of it sometime! Mila too,” Declan informed me with a big smile.
“You got it,” I agreed. We turned the corner and the stage for the speeches appeared. Austin smiled at me.
“Hey, why don’t we go watch a few speeches?” I suggested.
“Great idea. Everyone, wrangle your kids and let’s go see what’s going on,” Austin replied. We walked over to see a transgender man talking about his transition. After him were two married women, one bisexual and the other pansexual. Then it was Austin and my turn.
“Wow! Secrets!” scolded Clove jokingly. I stuck my tongue out at them as a joke and led Austin up the side steps to the stage.
“Hi, everyone!” Austin said into the microphone. “I’m Austin, and this is my husband Kaleb.” I offered a wave to the growing crowd.
“Hi! Now, I wanted to talk to all of you today about how I feel getting to live in Aeternum. I’m originally from Illinois, so this is all really different for me. Now, when I was a teenager, I got bullied a lot. The night of a school dance ten years ago when I was fifteen that I attended with Austin got me beaten up. See this scar in my eyebrow? That’s from that fight. Now, I’m so glad to be here in a world that I can safely and legally be myself. I get to be surrounded by my favorite people everyday: My wonderful two daughters, Reagan and Quinn, and my extraordinary husband Austin. And for that, I have no words to express my gratitude. Thank you to everyone who sacrificed everything so we could be standing here today alive. Thank you to all of the family members and friends who accept us with open arms and didn’t turn us away. I love you all, and thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.” I paused, taking a deep breath. I looked around and took in all these faces. All these people were here to listen to what I had to say.
“I don’t know how to say this, but I wouldn’t be who I am today without all of you. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for helping me win this fight against life, and thank you for teaching me what it means to be alive.”