Sight Unsent Solo Backdated Finished

Dec. 25th, 2022

Dear Dee,

Yesterday was Dad's funeral.

You didn't know that it was scheduled for Christmas Eve, just the day after they sent us home on the Hogwarts Express. Bloody hell, you didn't even know Dad died. You still don't know. I never told you. And I don't have a way to send this letter, since Mum's owl never leaves her side and I'm getting the feeling that I won't be seeing her for a while, so I probably never will send it, so you'll probably never know.

Whoever decided to have a funeral on Christmas Eve deserves a special place in hell. All I could think about was how Dad would have hated it - he always did love Christmas, and I just know somehow that he would've preferred to wait two extra days and be buried on Boxing Day instead. He hated Boxing Day anyway. Always called it "Fake Christmas". I think he would have thought it was ironic being buried on that day, but no, now we're never going to be able to open presents on the Eve again without thinking of another box sitting six feet under.

I know I'm being melodramatic. Trust me, my mother told me that quite a lot yesterday. I don't mind not seeing her right now. It would only cause screaming, yelling fits.

I don't know if I ever told you much about my relationship with my mother. I mean, you know she's an Auror and that she's strict as all get-out, and that's why I work so hard, is just to make her happy. But the full extent of it is something I've always kept close to my heart. Yeah, this letter's never getting sent, not in a million years. I think she'd kill me, or die of shame, if she knew I was telling people about anything she's ever said or done. Maybe someday I'll actually tell you instead of writing a letter I'll never be able to send.

Maybe when I get back from the holiday. I know I haven't been very talkative lately, and I'm sorry for that. Since the letter came... it's just been different, somehow. I didn't see Dad much these last three-and-a-half years, being at Hogwarts, but it was so terrible knowing that I'd be coming home to a place without him all the same. And watching him get... well... that's not something I will ever be able to say out loud, I don't think. Maybe I'll write it out, if I can stop crying.

This letter's all full of maybes. So is everything right now.

I miss you. I can't wait to see you when I get back to Hogwarts. Maybe then I'll finally feel like I'm home again, instead of somewhere strange and distant.

Merry Christmas, by the way. I hope yours is going better than mine right about now.

Love,
Aly

Jan. 4, 2023

Dear Dee,

So, remember how I said I'd see you in January when we got back to school? Well. Yeah. Sod it, I suppose. I'm not coming back.

Merlin, I want to. I mean, I know it's been tough for me, but I think I'm justified in not having cracked a textbook all of the holiday - you wouldn't, either, if you were me, wouldn't you? Maybe I'm just projecting, but I think it's bloody unfair to keep me locked up here in this house instead of letting me go back.

Mother says it's because she wants me to "stay close", but she's barely been home all of the holiday. I'm pretty sure the Ministry of Magic lets its Aurors have time off for Christmas or New Year's, but the way she's locked herself in her office or Floo'ed off to London every day, you'd think she would have nothing else to do - like, I don't know, spend time with the only family she's got left. She's cut off from her old family, you know. Really, the only person on that side that I know is that distant cousin she sent me to stay with last summer - her cousin's son. So all she has left is me, but the way she's been acting, it's not like you'd know it.

And as for homeschooling, it's not like she's even going to do it! Of course she can't - she's "too busy" with her "job" and all that. Bollocks, if you ask me. She just doesn't want to be here, but she's perfectly fine locking me up here like it's Azkaban or something. Mother claims that it'll be both her and Becca doing the schooling, but I know her, and I'm quite sure that it'll just be Becca, if at all. Dunno why she thinks it's a good idea to leave me to my own education when I haven't opened a book the entire holiday. Ravenclaw reputation, maybe.

Sorry. I'm proper furious. I'm sure you can tell. She just- wait, hold on.

Oh, Merlin, Dee, I'm glad you weren't here to see this. Mother just knocked on my door, tried to placate me or something. I don't know. I really honestly didn't hear most of what she said, but I just threw a vase at her, and now it's broken all over my floor. I'd Reparo it up but the last thing I need right now is the Ministry on my arse about underage magic outside of school.

I think it's wrong to say I hate her, but I just said it anyway. I don't know if she'll ever talk to me again.

I don't know if you'll ever talk to me again. I still don't have owl access, so I can't send this to you. Not like you'd be expecting a letter from me, anyway. We didn't talk about writing over the break. We didn't talk about much before it at all. That's my fault. I should have talked to you more.

I miss you, and I don't know when I'm going to see you again. But I hope your ride back to Hogwarts tomorrow goes smoothly. I'm sorry that I won't be there to ride the train with you, like we usually do. I miss you. Did I say that already? Well, it's true. I miss you. I could really use you right now.

Love,
Aly

Mar. 13, 2023

Dear Dee,

How are you? How's Hogwarts? Merlin, I miss you - I miss everyone. Well. Maybe not everyone. I'm pretty sure that I'm single now, since I haven't heard anything from you-know-who. And maybe you don't miss me at all, since I haven't heard anything from you the entire holiday. Easter's coming up. I'm hoping I'll be able to convince Mother to let me go back after that holiday, but I haven't seen her outside of scheduled homeschooling lessons since January, so I'm going to go with that's a pretty slim chance there.

Still, it doesn't mean I haven't been doing things here. I think I'm actually ahead on the curriculum - not much to do but study and read, and explore my house. I've lived here my whole life, just out of Welwyn Garden City, so you'd think I would know every inch of it like the back of my wand, right? Wrong.

Mother and Dad both have offices in the house, since it's a family manor and I'm the only child. Becca has a room, too, but that still left plenty of space for them both to take spaces for their own. Well - Dad had an office, I guess. But it was always open before last winter. The door, that is. When I was younger, I used to sneak in and hide behind the open door so that when Mother came looking for me she couldn't find me, and when Dad was playing music on his record player, I would whisper out song recommendations of things I wanted to hear from my little nook. I hadn't been in there in years, but I found the door unlocked today.

It still smelled like him and everything. Other than the dust everywhere, it was like he could have been sitting in the chair behind the desk. Merlin, it was so messy, I knew Mother couldn't have come in - she'd have straightened it all up. Becca, too. So I think the last person to be in there must have been Dad. His favourite record was still on the player.

And I found his journal, while I was in there. Did you know he wanted to be on the Quidditch team? He researched fouls and stuff for weeks, thinking that if he knew everything about the sport, they'd have to let him on. Of course, they didn't. He never was much of an athlete. And when they wouldn't let him join, he decided to be a duellist, but they wouldn't take him, either? I guess I never thought of how lucky I was that I made it on the Quidditch team first try. Maybe if I hadn't, I'd have done the same thing and gone straight to duelling. Maybe then I would have met you sooner.

He also wanted to sneak into the Forbidden Forest, fail a Charms exam on purpose, do all sorts of wild stuff. Apparently he and his mates once broke into the Astronomy Tower to watch a meteor shower when class wasn't scheduled, which I know sounds tame compared to some of the stuff our classmates get up to at school, but doesn't it sound fun anyways? I'm trying to figure out how to climb onto my roof at the moment, and I've sent for every book on Quidditch fouls that the library exchange system will let me check out at once. The Ravenclaw team is big on blatching and such, anyway - couldn't hurt to brush up on that sort of thing, in case I'm ever allowed to return.

Dad gave it all up for Mother. He gave everything up for love, and that's great and all, but it meant that there were so many things he wanted to do. There's lots of things I want to do, too. If I ever come back to Hogwarts, I'm not going to let anyone stop me, not even you.

Not that I think you'd stop me. I think you'd love learning all this, and I think if I were to sneak into the Forbidden Forest with anyone, I'd want a champion duellist by my side, someone whose back I know I could have - and vice versa. So maybe, if you're not too mad at me for not writing to you if I ever get back to Hogwarts, we could go try to sneak in and see a unicorn together? Or you can teach me to brew Polyjuice - I know you've got to have at least looked at the recipe by now, I know you - and we could pretend to be Puffs and sneak into their dormitory or something, give the boys a proper scare.

Dunno. I'm just spitballing. Daydreaming, really. It's been a while since I got to dream about anything.

And I miss you. I hope you miss me.

Love,
Aly

Apr. 26, 2023

Dear Dee,

I brought up the idea of going back to school tonight at dinner. Of course, Mother wasn't around to hear it - I don't see her very much at all anymore - but Becca seemed to be pretty much on my side. She said she'll speak to Mother when next she serves her, but then again, she also isn't sure if Mother's even eating at the house lately. So maybe it'll be a bust.

Honestly, I don't even know why I'm still writing to you. I've got a stack of letters to you that I haven't been able to send, and Becca says she's under strict orders from Mother that I can only reply to letters, not send out any of my own. I don't know why she's put down that sort of bollocks rule, but it's working, I guess, since I haven't got any letters from you, or from... well, anyone, really. I don't know why she won't let me send at least one letter, but Becca won't help me, and I don't want her to get fired. She's already doing so much for me, going into the Muggle city center and buying me new clothes and makeup and such. She's really the only person I've got left, though she's not even a person at all, of course, and I just don't know what I would do if Mother let her go.

But anyway. Maybe it's just good to get this all down, even though you're never going to read these. You probably don't even want to. I think I'd have heard from you if you did.

Is my bunk still empty? I thought about this last night, and I honestly haven't been able to get it off my mind since. Has someone else moved into the spot? I can't help but wonder if you've got a new best friend to pass notes to in class or whisper stuff to in the dead of night through the slats of our top beds, and I know that's me being selfish or whatever, but I miss you, and I wish you missed me, too.

My birthday is coming up, and I'm going to be fifteen. I know yours isn't til June, and I really hope I'm able to be back at Hogwarts in time for it. Maybe we can both celebrate, if I do - but I don't want to steal your thunder, either. Fifteen is a big one. I just know I'm not going to like being here at home doing it, but at least I've got stuff to do now.

I figured out how to get onto the roof. I know more about cobbing now than I ever have before. Did you know that the Transylvanian Tackle isn't technically a foul as long as contact isn't made with one's fist to the other's face? (Do you even know what a Transylvanian Tackle is? Sorry, I know I ramble sometimes about my Quidditch stuff.) I think I have a plan for how to actually get out of the dormitories past curfew, if you did want to sneak into the Forest - oh, and I want to learn the Floating Potion when I get back, because I've gotten really into the idea of unaided flight lately. It's been done before. Can you just imagine the look on the other team's face if I just hopped off my broom to grab the Quaffle or something?

(I'm thinking of trying out for Chaser if I ever get back, in case you can't tell. I can't figure out if Mother will be displeased or thrilled by this - she was a Chaser herself, but for Slytherin, and she never liked me trying out for Keeper back when I went for it in second year. She always did want me to be a miniature version of herself. But I don't think she's ever cheated on anything in her life. So if I get caught doing any of these fouls I'm studying, she'd be none too thrilled about it.)

Anyway, it's all just a dream for now, until I can figure out how to get back to Hogwarts. But I will figure out a way, even if it's just throwing myself into my studies to prove to her that I don't need to be homeschooled anymore and that I can go back to being in classes. Being around you would be nice. I haven't had a study partner in so long, and I miss telling you everything.

Maybe I'll see you soon. (Big maybe.)

Love,
Aly

May 30, 2023

Dear Dee,

Well, it's worked. I don't know how I did it - definitely with Becca's help - but I've convinced Mother to let me go back to school just in time for exams, so I'll be showing up on the 1st of June, in just a couple of days. Probably at about dinnertime, if I had to guess.

I've got a lot of hopes for coming back. A lot of ideas, too.

But mostly, I'm just nervous about seeing everybody again. I'm sure I'm definitely single by now, so... that's a worry, of course. And the Quidditch team... I just sort of left them in the lurch with no Keeper for the January game, I'm sure, and that was after doing so badly in the October one, too. Honestly, though, I'm most worried about seeing you.

I hope you missed me. I know I missed you. And coming back to Hogwarts... I'm really going to need you, Dee, and I know it'll be awkward at first, but you're my best friend. I don't need anyone else as long as I've got you.

Can't wait to see you. I've missed you so much.

Love,
Aly