We meet again PV Simon Tilia Closed

After that first night when Simon had been lucky enough to get on the last carriage to Hogwarts, he had been thinking about his traveling company Mahlioz and the things they had talked about when the carriage suddenly broke down. It had been a very mature conversation about some pretty deep stuff. Mahlioz had told him that she was a 'panromantic' and 'asexual', something that she had to explain to him because he had no idea what it was. The topic had opened a floodgate of questions. When Simon's parents had 'the talk' with him in August, before he went back to school, these were things they never told him about. Sure, they sometimes talked about gender and sexuality over the dinner table in his family, with his mother being a professor in social sciences and all, but those discussions rarely made it into any details.

If he had been at home, he would perhaps have searched for the answers to his questions on the Internet or borrowed a couple of books in the local library. But since neither of those two alternatives was possible, he thought that Mahlioz was the only person he could really talk to about these things. The topic had him intrigued and curious, since this was completely unknown territory to him, and Simon could rarely resist the temptation of diving into the unknown.

But far more interesting than the topic alone was Mahlioz herself. Simon had seen her in the corridors on a number of occasions throughout his first year and they shared a mutual friend. Meeting her face to face in the carriage was a somewhat different experience though. He had learned that she rather progressive and liberal for being a Slytherin. Most Slytherins he knew from the families his father sometimes invited over for dinner were rather conservative and traditional in their views and lifestyle. Mahlioz, on the other hand, was pure revolution. She read a novel where the protagonists were homosexuals and seemed very knowledgeable about sexuality in general. He was as curious on the topic as he was on getting to know his new friend a little better.

As he moved through the library, greeting some classmates and old friends here and there, he noticed how the students became fewer and fewer as he got closer to the corner where he had planned to meet Mahlioz. Perfect, he thought. And there she was, sitting with her back against one of the bookshelves in her wild and cool hairstyle.

"Hey!" he said. A smile spread across his lips as those emerald green eyes looked up at him. "There you are. Christ, it's nice to be back in the library... I've quite forgotten how noisy the corridors get in the beginning of the term. The level of excitement is just..." He made a swooshing sound with his mouth and a hand gesture like a bomb going off. "How about we grab that spot over there?" He nodded over his left shoulder to a reading nook and offered his hand to help her up on her feet. "How have you been doin'?"

Banner was made by the great Fang Yun-Xin

Date: September 3 2023 Time: 17:41

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

After a couple of minutes, a familiar face appeared between the shelves, smiling and addressing her with a "hey!" Mahlioz grinned back. "Hi! Nice to see you again!" The Ravenclaw went on to say that he'd missed being in the library, a sentiment Mahlioz knew all too well. Everything was always so busy and overwhelming, especially the first few days.
Simon nodded to a reading nook nearby and suggested they sit down over there. Mahlioz gladly accepted his help up from the floor and then went to sit down with him. "I'm good, thanks! As you mentioned, because of everything going on I'm a bit overwhelmed, but the library is definitely helping with that. And thank goodness the teachers aren't giving us too much homework. How about you?"

She, like Simon, was rather glad there weren't too many people around. It was a perfect place to sit down and talk, without the fear that anyone was listening in to your conversation. Of course, the path up to Hogwarts at nine o'clock at night, right before the Sorting Ceremony was also a great place to do so, but a little less comfortable.

Once again, she wondered what Simon was going to ask her. She was in no way an expert on the things they'd spoken about two days ago, but she prided herself on knowing a few things. Simon had said in their letters yesterday that he still had questions, and although she was eager to answer them, she also wanted to get to know him better. As a person - not just through their LGBTQ+ conversations, though she was happy those were happening as well. But he seemed like such a great person. Perhaps today would be both one of questions and one of getting to know each other.

"Yeah, I get it. Coming back from summer break to Hogwarts is almost like when we were coming back from lockdown during the pandemic. It's like you're not fully prepared for that amount of sudden social stimulus." He smiled and let her go first into the nook.

Then he realized that everyone might not have been as lonely as him during the break. Simon had a good couple of Muggle friends before he attended Hogwarts. His old best friend had been trying to reach out to him for a while, but ever since Simon went to Hogwarts and found his place among wizardkind, he felt like it was impossible to return to his old life and live in a lie. But that had also made the summer quite long and boring. He figured this was the disadvantage of being a Half-blood, moving between two worlds...

"I'm glad you're well! I'm good too," he said as they sat down. "Slowly getting adjusted to being back. I've missed Hogwarts, though. And I had quite forgotten how good I sleep in my bed in the dorm. That first night I slept like a rock."

He chuckled a little and looked around in the nook. There were plenty of beautiful details in the carved wood and a candlestick on the wall, giving off a soft flickering light. The wall and the table had some scribbles on it though – everything from personal signatures and lovers having engraved their names or initials inside carved out hearts to one obscene symbol. One scribble made of ink read ‘Mudblood’, but someone had attempted to struck it off. Some of the scribbles seemed to be made more recent, while others looked a whole lot older.

"Yeah, I was thinking," said Simon and loosened his tie before leaning back and making himself comfortable in the cushiony seat. "After we parted before the ceremony, I realized I hardly got to know you... Except that you seem to be a person with your heart in the right place and... yeah, those things you told me when the carriage broke down. And I know you're Scottish, of course. Your accent was one of the first things I noticed." He smiled. "Where are you from exactly?"

Banner was made by the great Fang Yun-Xin

Date: September 3 2023 Time: 17:41

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

Simon compared the summer holidays to the pandemic, which made Mahlioz laugh. It was true enough, but still, not many people liked to relate something they found so great to something that had caused millions of deaths. Although he was more comparing the end of the two rather than the actual events. "That's one way to put it," she admitted. She was glad to know her friend found social interaction just as overwhelming as she did. If Irina hadn't been over in August, Mahlioz didn't know how she would have survived all of these sudden crowds again.

After a little more small talk (and a point where Simon seemed rather entranced with the wall), he brought up exactly what Mahlioz had been thinking. Apparently, he wanted to get to know her just as much as she did him. She couldn't help but smile when he said she seemed to have her heart in the right place.
"Well, you got that part right," she said when he mentioned her origins, a little self-conscious about her accent. Was it that obvious? Then again, she didn't really mind. "Er... well, my mom's Scottish with Motswana ancestors, and my dad's from Paris, so I also speak French. And we live in Aberdeen, in, well, Scotland, obviously." She grinned. "What about you? And, um, this might be random, but do you have siblings?" She'd heard about his mom in their first conversation, and she was curious to know what the rest of his family was like.

She found it funny how quiet it was. Of course, it was a library, so no one spoke very loudly (if they spoke at all), but she hadn't realized how loud whispers and turning pages could be. Now that they were in this reclused space with no one near, when there was a break in the conversation it was completely and utterly silent. She was even used to the books flying at her to get her to read them, but these ones seemed to be resigned to their fate of being too boring to read.

The Slytherin turned to Simon again. "So... you said you still had unanswered questions? About what we'd spoken about the other day?"

"Aberdeen, of course." He smiled. "I figured you must be from the north. I've been in Aberdeen... twice, I think... when I was little. Don't remember much, though. But I'm sure it's nice there. I'm from Edinburgh, myself. We have a house on the countryside."

Mahlioz then asked him if he had any siblings. Simon did not like to talk about Clara. Not that he did not like his sister, but because it felt like he hardly knew here anymore. And she seemed to be even more busy and self-occupied ever since she moved to London to start working on her brand. While others usually talked like 'Oh, yeah, my brother means everything to me' or 'I have the sweetest little sister, love her to bits', Simon had to pretend that he still had that good brother-sister relationship.

"I do, actually. An older sister. Her name's Clara. She's nine years older than me and lives in London. She's a squib, though. She's developing her own beauty and health products for Muggles." Simon cleared his throat. "So if you're ever in need of something, let me know, I may be able to get some free samples." He chuckled, hoping that there would be no follow up questions.

After a bit of small-talking, Mahlioz was the one to bring up the subject they had planned to talk about during their meeting in the library. When she asked about his 'unanswered questions', a couple of students passed the nook. Simon waited until their steps had faded until he spoke:

"Well, yes..." he said in a low voice and looked at Mahlioz. "I was thinking about these new terms that I learned from you... I mean, clearly we're talking about categories... so what about grey zones? For example, is aromantic and asexual more of a permanent state? Or could you say that you can be aromantic or asexual in certain periods of your life? Or isn't that asexuality at all?"

Banner was made by the great Fang Yun-Xin

Date: September 3 2023 Time: 17:42

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

At the mention of siblings, Simon seemed to go blank. Not like he didn't know what to say, or that he suddenly stopped speaking - no, it was more like he had said this many times, rehearsed it, until he didn't really have to pay attention to what he was saying. He had an older sister named Clara who lived in London and made beauty and health products. Mahlioz had never met someone with such a huge age gap between siblings, and she wondered what it was like.

"That's cool," she stated. The atmosphere was the slightest bit off, and she had no idea why, but she felt she needed to keep talking. "Actually, my sibling is also a squib, weirdly enough. Their name is Reltyl, and they would have started here this year if... well, if they'd had their first instance and everything." Quite an odd coincidence they both had a squib sibling (although that was probably the only thing that was similar between Clara and Reltyl). "Oh, and I have an older sister who goes to Beauxbatons." She thought it necessary that Hyltwis not be left out, as annoying as she could be.

The Ravenclaw waited until a few students passed by before addressing her request about unanswered questions. He asked a question about grey zones and whether your identity had to be permanent. Mahlioz pondered the question for a few moments before answering. "Honestly, I think it depends on the person? But it's impossible to know what'll happen to you in the future. So you could be asexual at one point, and then later find out you're not anymore, and that wouldn't make the time where you identified as ace any less valid or true." She hoped that made sense.

"Though for some people, things fluctuate so much that they decide it should be part of their identity. There are more labels for that kind of thing. Asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums, so you don't always have to be fully either one. There are loads of different terms in between - for example, you mentioned grey zones, which reminds me of greysexual. That means you're not always fully asexual, and sometimes you do feel intimate attraction, but not all the time." Mahlioz paused, suddenly aware of how much she'd spoken. And without a single stutter or waver in her words. She really hoped she hadn't overwhelmed Simon with new terms and descriptions. After all, it'd taken her a year to learn all this, and now she was dumping it all onto him at once. Then again, she'd done the exact same thing two days ago, so...

"I'm sorry," said Simon, upon hearing that her younger sibling had not got their acceptance letter to Hogwarts.

He was not entirely sure why he said he was sorry. Probably because the tone of her voice and facial expression seemed to show a hint of disappointment. Was Simon disappointed that Clara had not attended Hogwarts? Maybe. He would not have attended Hogwarts the same time as her, but perhaps her attendance would have resulted in Clara being more understanding and less judging about the wizarding world... And why did Mahlioz refer to her sibling as 'they'? Was this sibling, Reltyl, non-binary or, what was the term... intersex? Simon remembered the term from one of his biology books. Just like last time, Mahlioz seemed to be full of mysteries and had Simon's more analytical sides spinning like gear wheels.

"Wow, really? That's cool," he said when she told him that her older sister went to Beauxbatons. He had met a few students that had siblings at other wizarding school, like that American boy in his class.

A squib sibling and an older sister who lived elsewhere... Simon and Mahlioz seemed to have more in common than he thought they would have. And with a squib sibling, perhaps Mahlioz was more acquainted with the Muggle world as well, same as him. But then again, Mahlioz never struck him as a clearcut pureblood.

"Exactly what I was thinking," he said, referring to the inability to see into the future. "Then I guess asexuality could be more of a 'psychological state of mind', so to speak, rather than a merely physical or biological matter? Even though I guess the two could be interrelated..."

'Greysexual'. That was another term that was completely new to him. Although, this broadening vocabulary and toolbox for understanding this messy yet intriguing human world of sexualities, helped him a lot. Greysexuality made complete sense to him, filling that void between having to be 'either or'.

"I see. Well, it sounds quite logical, when you say it like that... Geez, growing up seems messy. I guess it's not like in the movies. Imagine being in a relationship and then you..."

Simon was interrupted by a change in the light when it suddenly became a whole lot darker. He turned his head towards the wall and noticed that the candle had just burned out. They were now sitting in the shadows of the nook, with the only light source being the daylight from the library outside.

"Well, we lost the light," he said and chuckled, stating the obvious. If the candle had just gone out he would have lit it again using his wand, but since it was burned out completely there was not much to do about it, he thought. A Hufflepuff boy stood a couple of meters away, picking up a book from one of the shelves. He looked at them for a second, and Simon thought that this must look a bit suspicious from the outside, them sitting in the shadows, as if they were hiding or doing something mischievous.

"Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Imagine if you're in a relationship, and you feel your romantic attraction fail. Or your interest in... sexual activities fail..." (At this point, he was glad that the candle had burned out). "... and you don't know when and if this attraction will ever come back, but you still wanna be with that person... I guess it would be easier knowing from the start that you're either asexual or greysexual then. But I guess, being in a relationship is never entirely simple."

"Can I ask you a more personal question? Just out of curiosity," said Simon and hoped he was not intruding too much in her private life. "When did you learn you were panromantic? And how did you know?" He gave her a small smile. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. That's completely fine!"

Banner was made by the great Fang Yun-Xin

Date: September 3 2023 Time: 17:43

Interacting with: @Simon Tilia Mentions: X

English | French Thoughts

Simon apologized when Mahlioz said Reltyl wouldn't be coming to Hogwarts, which made her wonder whether she'd been too sad about it. When Reltyl had first found out they were a squib, it had been devastating. They'd grown up with both worlds, and they'd been looking forward to Hogwarts so much, it had nearly broken them when they found out they couldn't go. Now, they had started to get used to it, and had cheered up significantly. They were great at finding all the good things in the muggle world, and no longer felt like they were missing out on anything too big.

...But Mahlioz did. Before her first year, Reltyl and she had been best friends. They did absolutely everything together, and were basically inseparable. Over her first year, though, Mahlioz had made new friends, and sort of gravitated away from home. She'd really been hoping that would change when Reltyl came to Hogwarts... but they never did. And she felt like they'd lost that connection. She wanted things to be like they were before. "Yeah... thank you," she said, avoiding Simon's gaze. "It's okay though, they're not too disappointed by it."

"Yeah, kind of," she said, as the conversation moved on to asexuality. "It's more of a mix of both. A lot of people assume asexual people don't want a partner or to do... intimate stuff. But it really depends on the person. Asexuality just means you don't feel the attraction."
Simon started saying something when suddenly their little reading nook went dark. The candle had ran out, as the boy was quick to state. "Should we cast lumos?" Mahlioz asked, before noticing the nearby Hufflepuff boy. Was it more suspicious if they were in the dark or in the light? She had no idea.

Simon went back to what he'd been talking about earlier, saying it would probably be awful if someone in a relationship suddenly realized they were asexual or aromantic. Mahlioz nodded. She'd heard of many stories of the sort. "Yeah... it's gotta be really hard. Although there are different types of relationships than only romantic and asexual. Like platonic? For some people, they're on the same level." But she wasn't going to get into that. She'd only very recently learned that tertiary attraction was a thing, and she knew basically nothing about it.

Then Simon asked if he could pose a more personal question. Mahlioz braced herself, nodding. After a moment, he asked, "When did you learn you were panromantic? And how did you know?" The Slytherin's first instinct was to laugh slightly, which may have been a little rude, but she'd been expecting something she'd be awkward about, when this was something she really didn't mind sharing.
"That's okay, I'm fine with answering that one. It was two years ago, a few days after Reltyl came out as non-binary. They asked me what my sexuality was, which was something I'd never thought about before. So I told them I really didn't care about the gender of who I was with. And they said that was probably pansexual." She paused. "Pan is a form of bisexual, but where gender doesn't affect your attraction, by the way. Bisexual people can be attracted to all genders too, but pan is more specific. Some people call it gender blindness."

'Asexuality just means you don't feel the attraction.' Really? Simon had assumed it meant an almost complete lack or absence of intimate needs and desires for a longer period of time. But when he thought about it, Mahlioz had only been talking about attraction when they left the carriage... Nothing else.

"Oh, I see," he said and thought about it for a moment.

This led him to new questions. He wondered what would be worse: to be unable to experience intimate thoughts and desires, or just unable to feel intimate attraction to someone you had a romantic attraction to? Clearly, this was not just hypothetical thoughts. Deep inside, he considered what it would be like if he himself was in that position, and whether there was any chance – or risk – that he would be, eventually.

When it went dark in the nook, Mahlioz suggested that they could cast the Wand-Lighting Charm. That was a good idea. Simon did not feel like they needed the light, but he did not want to be rude (maybe Mahlioz preferred to see him clearly as she talked to him) so he let her cast the spell. And it was actually nice to be able to see her entire face again, and not just the half of it.

To his relief, his personal question had not been too personal after all. Mahlioz seemed to answer it with ease. He straightened his back and had his eyes locked on her, listening with such curiosity and interest that he almost forgot about the outside world.

"I see. That's a nice way of describing it, I think! 'Gender blindness'. Kind of cute also." He smiled. "Thanks for sharing this with me."

He thought that someone who was able to feel romantic attraction and an emotional draw to all humans, regardless of their gender, must be a person with an exceptionally big heart. There was a short pause between them, before he cracked another smile.

"I must say, it’s nice to talk to another Scot.” Simon changed his sitting position in the nook. “Makes Hogwarts feel even more like home when it sounds like it too.”

He was just about to open his mouth again to return to the topic (there were still things he did not understand) when a third year from Ravenclaw approached them. Apparently, one of his Ravenclaw friends had been asking for him. It seemed kind of urgent so Simon thought it was best to see what it was about.

"Yeah, ok, I'll go find him right away," he said and smiled politely. When the third year left, he turned his face towards Mahlioz again. "I'm sorry... Maybe we can continue this conversation some another time? I had some more questions, but... that can wait for later."

Simon got up from his seat, stood by the table and fixed his tie. "I'm glad you wanted to see me again, Mal... Can I call you Mal? And for answering my stupid questions so patiently and willingly. You know, I'm usually not this... open... with people. But you have a weird way of making even the most private topics feel completely natural to talk bout. And I currently have no one in my life to discuss this sorta thing with, so... thank you. I really appreciate it. And I'd be glad to hear more about your siblings some other time too."

Ok, soon this was becoming embarrassing if he did not round off his silly little speech...

"Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day. If you wanna reach me, you know where to find me." He gave her a last smile before he left, feeling somewhat conflicted about leaving. On one hand, he was super grateful that he had bumped into Mahlioz on their way to Hogwarts, and he would want nothing more than to continue to hang out with her. On the other hand, he was afraid that she was not really that interested in him, and it bugged him that their conversations seemed to continue to be interrupted. He just hoped that she would want to continue to hang out with him too.