Closed An Old Spark PV R. Cazares

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The near-constant presence of other people and the unfamiliarity of the students from other schools and incoming first years was exhausting. She felt unsafe in her cabin—the colorful hellscape irritated her, but the lack of knowledge about the people who had access to her room was worse. She had settled into a reluctant acceptance of the Slytherin girls during the school year—while she could never fully trust them, she couldn’t afford to be constantly on edge every night. But here, there were so many unknowns and less security—if Hogwarts itself could even be called secure after all the incidents it had had.

She needed to get out. So here she was, taking a breath. The cool night air paired with the quiet and solitude after another semi-chaotic day soothed her, finally allowing her to feel at peace as she walked. There was nothing like being in nature to clear one’s head—walking the grounds or sitting in trees when she needed to be alone and recenter herself was a habit she had had for as long as she remembered. It didn’t much matter to her whether it was at day or after curfew, although the latter practically guaranteed she could remain alone, even if it came with the slight risk of being caught.

Pale hands were tucked into the pockets of her trousers (outfit), icy eyes ever wary as she scanned the area, listening for any sign of trouble. After making her way further away from the cabins without an issue, something else came into sight. Another girl—walking like her, and then staring up at the sky. But she was far from a stranger. Ruby could have recognized the way she moved anywhere, even by dim moonlight as it was now. Her breath hitched as she stilled for a moment, staring. There had been too much left unsaid, the gap between them widening for too long. It was time to get over that fear and awkwardness that had plagued her.

She walked closer, the other’s head turning, an interruption of her reverie. “Illowy?” Her identity would be confirmed beyond a doubt as twin pairs of blue eyes met one another. “I- uh- would you like to talk…? If now’s convenient for you?” Uncharacteristic uncertainty and hesitation from a girl who was typically so rigid and decisive. Aloof. Untouchable. But Illowy hadn’t been privy to Ruby’s typical behavior in a long time—for Illowy herself was as far from typical as you could get. She was an undoubtedly brilliant girl by every measure, and she had broken down Ruby’s walls, continually impressing and enchanting her. And then there had been the silence. The avoidance. They were two girls who had a tendency to run from their feelings, and soon run they had.

But they were older now, and surely more mature. There would be no running now, at least not on Ruby’s end. She had been avoiding people for too long—on and off since her third year—and it was time to face it. Some people were worth the effort, even if she was scared of hurting them. Abandonment thought to “protect” them was harm of its own, after all. And the truth was she missed Illowy—the other girl matched her in a way she had found in precious few others. She needed to keep her close. Needed to reconnect. The old feelings had faded with time, although her heart still skipped a beat when she saw her, but she just wanted to be close again because there was simply something special about Illowy. It would take some time and, of course, willingness on Illowy’s end, but Ruby wasn’t going anywhere now.

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There was a list of people Illowy might've expected to see when she turned around, and who she found standing there had not been on that list. The girl froze when the other caught her eyes, "Ruby..." it almost came like a sigh, soft and tentative. How long had it been? Too long, she knew, at least before the curse was cured... Merlin's beared that was nearly two years ago. Illowy couldn't even be sure exactly what happened between them.

That wasn't totally true, she kind of knew. She'd run away. In the midst of the family drama, trying to care for her cousin, trying to solve the curse, and... trying to understand her feelings when it came to Ruby... in the end dealing with the emotions was scarier to her then dealing with the others. She shut down and she ran away, and Ruby didn't come for her. Or had it been the other way around and Ruby shut down and she failed to chase her? Maybe it was a little of both. Too young and naïve to understand how to navigate what was best described as a puppylove; but even still it had felt so much deeper at the time.

Very few people had managed to break through to her the way Ruby had so quickly. The other snake had squirmed and wriggled past her defenses like it was nothing; she'd made the witch feel safe and seen, and that was a rare thing for Illowy. Normally an enigma of icy gaze and brutal tongue, Ruby softened her. Illowy could barely remember a time when Ruby hadn't had that effect on her, unable to maintain that stoic, distant mask around her.

Now, they were older, hopefully wiser, and Illowy was feeling that bubble of regret for having allowed such a thing to happen, to have cost herself a relationship - even if ultimately it would have only amounted to a friendship, it would have been a valuable one to have had over the last two years. Even more, she regretted that she might've really wounded the other with her behavior, putting work and drama before someone who genuinely made her a better person.

Maybe that had been what scared her; not knowing if the brutal and unfeeling version of her was the real one, or the soft and happy one was.

“I- uh- would you like to talk…? If now’s convenient for you?”

Illowy quickly pulled herself back to reality, shifting a bit nervously on her feet. Why was Ruby even wanting to talk to her now? Why tonight? Why not before? Why did she have to look so lovely and elegant as she always did, even at camp? Why did Illowy have to pick tonight to look like an absolute urchin? Why was she feeling so nervous? Those feelings she'd had years ago had long since snuffed, and yet she felt butterflies trying to rise from her stomach and into her throat.

She could still run. Full sprint, transform, in the camouflage of night Ruby would never find her. She could run again- Wait. No. No. No more running. Ruby deserved better then her being an absolute prick like that, "Of course," she heard herself say as she brushed a fallen tress from her messy bun out of her eyes, "Is um...is everything alright?"

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The way Illowy froze and uttered her name tentatively almost made Ruby turn around and go back to that godforsaken cabin. This was a bad idea, surely this was a bad idea? She was clearly making Illowy uncomfortable. This was awkward. She shouldn’t have tried to do this. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed. It was beating too fast. Stop. She subtly took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, even as she watched Illowy shift nervously. And finally Illowy granted the permission to talk with her, but suddenly the words had fallen out of her head. She had thought about what this moment might have been like, but only casually and in brief moments of self-doubt where she dwelled on the few regrets she had. But this was a regret she couldn’t shake—she had lost someone she loved because they were both too scared to persist.

She swallowed, trying to calm her nerves, trying to find the right thing to say. This was hard. She had no idea how to reconnect with someone she had loved the way she had loved Illowy. There was no template, no prior experience to draw upon. For all her typical eloquence and composure, she was left staring, a glance down at her feet—a rare display of the present lack of confidence. She was not used to this. She was always confident, even when she didn’t completely feel like it. Even when she messed up and said the wrong thing. Aloofness and confidence was her armor, protecting herself and elevating herself above others so she was untouchable. But even after all this time, Illowy still broke through her armor just by her mere presence. Pull yourself together. Another sharp inhale.

Illowy had asked if everything was alright. “Yes,” she said decisively. “Uh… no. Maybe?” She groaned, eyes flitting up to the stars. The night was still, the slight breeze tugging at her hair which fell down in a wavy sheet around her shoulders—a change from how Illowy had known her at a time when she always wore her hair up. She sighed. She had to do it. She had to just say what she wanted to say and then it was Illowy’s choice to take it or leave it. Leave her. Forever. Shut up. She took a deep breath. “Listen, Illowy, I’m… sorry. About everything. I’m sorry I didn’t come after you when you ran, I’m sorry I ran too. I was scared.” She rubbed the back of her neck before quickly realizing the nervous gesture and shoving her hand back down by her side.

“I had never felt that way before. You made me feel so alive, and all I could think about was you”—Nope, nope, that’s embarrassing, shut up—“but you also made me feel vulnerable and too soft, and that was scary to me. When all that happened, it was at a time when I was so buried in my own darkness and anger that it made positive things… hurt. I was scared to hurt you because I kept having violent outbursts and didn’t know how to control myself.” She swallowed. Admitting that was hard. But she still trusted Illowy and believed that even if the other Slytherin didn’t want to be friends anymore—which Ruby would completely understand—she still wouldn’t go around telling people Ruby’s private thoughts. She wasn’t that type of person.

She spoke faster, nerves catching up with her, and maybe if she just rushed through it, Illowy wouldn’t hear it and she could just disappear. No. Not disappear. That was what she was supposed to not do. “I was an idiot. I withdrew from everyone during fourth year. I may as well have been a ghost, obsessed with studies but not talking to anyone. Fifth year wasn’t the easiest either, I’ve had my ups and downs. But I’m not so afraid of closeness anymore that I can’t recognize that some people are worth the effort. Some people deserve for you to work through your shit so you can do better by them.” She paused. “I miss you, Illowy. And I know a lot has changed and I don’t expect it to be the same—we’re not thirteen anymore, it’s been a long time since we had those feelings—but I just want to be around you still. I want to be friends. And I’ll understand if you don’t want to—I hurt you, and it’s been years, and maybe it’ll be hard to navigate—but you’re an incredible girl and I felt I had to at least try.”

She laughed nervously, briefly. “Well, that was a lot. I apologize for the monologue.” Now she would be quiet, and wait for Illowy’s response. But she hated this. She hated how she sounded, she hated how vulnerable she felt. I can’t believe I just did that. So much shared with almost no prompting. This was surely a mistake. She had just handed her heart to Illowy, even if it was platonically, and now the other Slytherin had a choice. She had the power to hurt her. Again. And that was what she was so afraid of letting others do. If they got close, they could hurt her. If she shared much about herself, they could hurt her. If she let her confidence and intimidating nature slip, they could see that she was just human. Just a teenage girl. Wounded.

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It felt so strange seeing Ruby this way, looking nervous and unsure of herself, like she was at a loss for words. Had she ever seen Ruby at a loss for words? It was unnerving that she couldn't remember if she had. She saw Ruby similarly to how she saw herself; unmovable, unfazed, unrelenting. Beyond that, the other snake had everything Illowy believed herself to be lacking such as her deep kindness and gentleness, her a level of wit sharp enough to cut a diamond, her unwavering determination and strength. There were so many things Illowy had admired about her. Even now, she admired the girl's bravery to broch the topic she'd been avoid for years.

Ruby finally opened her mouth and began to speak. The words started slowly at first, but before long were pouring from the other as it seemed the dame finally broke. Even if she had wanted to, Illowy didn't think there would be a chance at all to stop the word vomit as Ruby poured her heart onto her sleeve. Of course Illowy had imagined how this conversation might go one day, but she had imagined a lot more yelling, and more demands from Ruby as to why the other had just abandoned her the way she had. Yet, that wasn't what was happening. Ruby was apologizing... what was she apologizing??

When the word vomit ceased and a silence came between them, Illowy stood there for a moment like a deer in headlights. Before, in this kind of moment, she might've known better what to do. Closed the distance, taken her hand and held her in a tight hug and reassured her it wasn't her fault; but that wasn't her place anymore. She needed to do something though, say something. Anything. She chewed her lip, making the advance to try to close some of the distance between them as she gathered her thoughts, her courage, and remembered how to make sound with her mouth.

It had been hard enough when they were together to talk about how she felt. Over the years, it had only gotten harder; but it was Ruby... she could always talk to Ruby in a way she hadn't been able to talk to anyone else before and feel safe it would stay between them and Ruby wouldn't think less of her. She had to hope that was still true, "I think... I think I should be the one apologizing to you." she spoke softly, "I just... so much was happening, so much bad stuff that I just... I felt..." Feelings weren't something Illowy Magnard was well practiced in expressing, and this moment of vulnerability she was trying to give felt like agony, "Fuck..." her eyes were misting. Why were her bloody eyes misting?? The teen tore her gaze away from the other to look off past the trees into nothing as she tried to keep herself in check before facing her housemate again, "I felt so incredibly angry, all the time, and I was scared because everything was falling apart and I didn't know how t'fix it. I wasn't strong enough t'fix it." at her stomach, she held her hands together with white knuckles, trying to minimize how they were trembling.

"An' then there was ye, an' I felt okay." a small smile cracked on her lips for a moment, "I felt better then okay, I felt happy. Properly happy... an' that scared me too because I knew I wasn't okay and things were only getting worse an' I'm not sure if I was scared that I would drag ye down with me or if I was scared that I wasn't going to be able to handle the blow if I lost ye, so instead I just... gave up. It doesn't feel like losing of ye forefit, ye'know?" now she was the one monologuing. She could feel her accent thickening on her tongue as she came to the point of having to choose whether to smooth out her accent or keep her voice steady. Keep her whole being steady really. When was the last time she'd felt this flighty?

Pale eyes fell away from the old flame as a lump of shame rested in the pit of her stomach realizing just how far she'd fallen from grace since she ran away from Ruby. The girl before her was offering a chance to stay in her life, and Illowy couldn't convince herself she deserved the privilage. What had she done to earn that? Ruby seemed to have actually put the work into herself, stepping back from the edge of darkness and pulling herself together. Yet, Illowy still stood there on the precipice, still considering allowing it to consume her mind and soul. What proof of growth or maturity did she actually have? "I... I realize now of pathetic of an excuse that is." she spoke with a weak laugh at herself, "I never wanted to lose ye from my life. I never wanted that, an' I know I should have fought for ye, an' I'm truly sorry for hurtin' ye with my cowardice, but... but I have really missed you." she finished as she pressed her lips in a hard line. It was taking every fiber of her being to keep her feet planted where she was. She felt like an injured animal laying exposed for the buzzards to peck at and all she wanted was to hide in some dark hole and lick her wounds.

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She waited for Illowy to say something, not quite able to meet the other’s eyes as she tried to figure out how to get rid of this unpleasant feeling of a lump in her throat. Her chest felt tight and every passing second felt like an eternity. Eventually, Illowy spoke, saying that she should be the one apologizing. Ruby shook her head but remained silent, allowing the other girl to say what she wanted without interruption, as she had been offered the same courtesy. When Illowy broke off, swearing and looking away, Ruby felt her heart ache—empathy, a rare feeling for one who was typically so distant. She wanted to comfort Illowy, but she didn’t know how anymore. She was uncertain what was appropriate and what would make Illowy more uncomfortable.

As Illowy explained how she was angry all the time, it was as if Ruby was hearing her own thoughts. The sheer similarity of the two girls and their feelings was jarring enough on its own, but it also made Ruby wonder how she could have ever left Illowy when she was going through such a similar thing. If they had just talked, surely they would have worked things out and they could have helped one another through the last few painful years. But they hadn’t. They were both so unused to talking about their emotions that maybe it was inevitable. And now here they were. They said time healed, but it also hurt. She almost could have laughed—bitterly, no doubt, but hearing that Illowy had been scared of dragging her down and was afraid to lose her made Ruby realize how stupid she had been when she did the exact same thing.

She wouldn’t know that Illowy thought Ruby had grown past that rage and darkness. The truth was that she hadn’t, really. She wasn’t going around hexing people in the corridors for minor things like bumping into her anymore, sure, but anger and a desire for power—for control, to never feel weak again—had a tendency to pull one a certain way. She wondered if she would ever escape from the grip that her darkest feelings had on her. And instead of staying with Illowy, trying to help each other out of the dark cloud surrounding them or at least savoring the happiness and clarity when they were together, she had run. Like a coward. For all her lack of fear in major situations such as facing danger or duelling, she sure seemed to have a lot of fear when it came to normal things like commitment and being close to people.

She swallowed as a tear threatened to form. It would’ve been so easy if she had just had the courage to stay. But in the reality she had chosen, it was so hard. She didn’t know what to say after Illowy had said her part. The words “I missed you” had never sounded so sweet, bringing relief with them and a decisive end to the silence. She felt slightly choked up, feeling hopeful, regretful, and awkward. How to say such things? Navigating all of this was so difficult. “Oh, Illowy. You don’t need to apologize, you’re already forgiven. And I’d argue we’re both equally to blame.” She offered a little half-smile before she continued. “I understand how you were feeling. Trust me, I know how it is to get caught up in anger and pain and push others away because the thought of hurting them or them leaving by their own accord is unbearable. I understand.” Her voice was soft now, but firm, imploring Illowy to believe her. To trust her again. To know that she wasn’t alone anymore.

“What matters now is that we’re here. And I’m not going to leave you this time. I’m sorry it happened before.” She resolved to make her words true. She would be here for Illowy this time, whenever she was needed. If Illowy was willing, Ruby could be a shoulder to cry on, a happy distraction, or just an understanding friend to have by her side. She understood how important it was to have someone to pull you out of the darkness, even temporarily. Loyal friends who stood by her despite the mistakes she made and the bad things she did was the best she could ask for—and she was lucky enough to have a couple. Did Illowy? Well, no matter, she did now, as long as they could push past lingering awkwardness and build a bond anew.

Both girls were currently undoubtedly far too emotional for their liking. But this conversation had to happen, because it was worth it. Ruby wondered how she had gone so long without having the maturity and courage to just face it. To face Illowy. But tonight, she finally had. She did it. Now they were left with a wound that had begun to heal, and hopefully time would fix this, with a new pattern of them showing up for each other. And despite the fact that she was generally averse to physical contact, only exchanging hugs among close friends, Ruby stepped closer to Illowy and opened her arms. “Do you… want a hug?” She hoped Illowy would accept it, because she would be left standing awkwardly if she didn’t. It was another small leap of faith, an attempt to bridge the gap between them. Besides, she had a feeling that both of them could use a hug.

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Illowy was quickly loosing her battle of will to keep her voice steady, to stop her lower lip from trembling along with her hands. There was a new level of relief that came with this forgiveness she hadn't realized she needed so badly. This promise that she no longer had to be alone, while she'd heard it before from others, felt more genuine when it came from Ruby; like she could actually believe the other snake's word more then anyone else's. What reason did she have to ever doubt her? While yes, they'd both panicked, they'd both run away from each other, they had never betrayed one another. Illowy couldn't have known where to begin to explain the strange level of trust she'd always felt where Ruby was concerned, and their time apart hadn't changed that.

Since loosing her cousin, Illowy had lost all feeling of being grounded anymore, as though she were constantly freefalling and it was only a matter of time before she'd finally hit the ground. However, with Ruby coming back into her life, for the first time in years it felt like her feet where firmly on the ground again and there was finally something she could hold on to that might actually steady her. It gave her a kind of mental clarity again that she had been starved of for so long. There weren't enough words to describe how sorely in need she was for that kind of presence in her life again.

As Ruby stepped forward a little closer again, literally with open arms, Illowy couldn't bring herself to waste the moment. Normally, Illowy would never seek out physical comfort, but there were a lot of rules that were broken were Ruby was concerned, and the prospect of Ruby's comfort almost visibly eased the rigidity in her tense muscles, "Please..." she sighed, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding as she quickly wrapped her arms around the other's waist and hid her face in the girl's shoulder. For this moment, she'd allow herself to relax and give in to those feelings of her thirteen year old self had that with Ruby, that she was safe again. Well and truly safe. For this moment, she could let herself believe that everything would be okay from here on out. Of course it would be with a bit of work, it was glaringly obvious Illowy had a lot of work to do, but eventually it would all be okay.

It was arguable Illowy had lost a little of her battle of wills, her eyes wet when she finally lifted them from Ruby's shoulder, though at least all other evidence was hidden by the dark fabric of her shirt. She pulled a hand away to try to quickly rub at her eyes with her own sleeve before a realization hit her, and she pulled away a little further to look the other brunette up and down a moment before looking up again to find her eyes, "When, exactly, did you get so much taller then me?" she laughed.

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As Illowy accepted her hug by fastening her arms around Ruby’s waist and leaning into her shoulder, Ruby couldn’t help but tear up. She hadn’t known how much she had needed this—needed Illowy—until now. She sighed, holding Illowy close. They were together again. It would be okay. Everything would be okay. Overwhelming relief and gratitude overtook her emotions, the pain she hadn’t realized she was bottling up finally breaking free and melting away with the tear that rolled down her face. Nobody was quite like Illowy. Nobody else made her feel so seen and safe and truly understood her. They were two of a kind, and she had this feeling that they were meant to be together—it didn’t matter whether it was romantically or platonically, just as long as they were with one another.

Ruby gently rubbed Illowy’s back, closing her eyes and savoring the moment, the other girl’s familiar flowery smell further comforting her. With Illowy, she could be vulnerable and still feel safe. With Illowy, she could allow herself to feel the pain and be strong enough to continue despite it. With Illowy, she was the purest version of herself, what might have been in another world where she had been raised differently and not put through the harm she had encountered at Hogwarts. With Illowy, she was allowed to be every quality that she possessed, the good and the bad, and not feel judged for it. With Illowy, she was free.

When Illowy finally pulled away, she would see Ruby’s eyes were slightly too shiny, the lingering moisture not quite disappearing when she had dabbed at her own eyes after feeling movement from Illowy. Illowy looked her up and down, and Ruby stared back at her quizzically before Illowy spoke. "When, exactly, did you get so much taller than me?" Ruby smiled, her laugh in return slightly choked. “I don’t know. Growth spurt, I suppose.” But the words themselves weren’t important, it was the tone with which they were spoken, a sign of normalcy finally returned. The sense that everything would be alright continued to make her overwhelmingly emotional—that was what happened after the emotions and pain had been bottled up for too long. It was a release, and she would be much better for it.

“Are you still learning spells a year ahead? Merlin, you must be beginning seventh year stuff by now. Can you believe it? We’re going to be sixth years, we’re almost done.” There were mixed feelings about that—on one hand, she would be happy to be away from the harm she had caused in these halls and the harm that had been done to her, but on the other hand, the end of their time at Hogwarts meant the scattering of all her friends, and what if they didn’t keep in touch? No, that was a problem for next year, although Xailah would be leaving then, and she would be greatly missed. Ruby shook her head. She had to stay in the moment, not worry about the future. What mattered was the here and now.

“Catch me up. What have I missed?” she asked softly. It was a bolder question than just asking about schoolwork, because it was a direct reference to the time they had spent apart and out of one another’s lives. There was also the risk that it could cause defensiveness, trying to discuss things so simply after so long, but Ruby’s desire to know Illowy again made any risk worth it, and she would gladly share whatever Illowy wanted to know in turn. Nothing was off-limits for her, even now, after they had been apart for so long and only just reconnected. And now that the initial wave of emotion had subsided, Ruby felt… excited. The prospect of renewed friendship and closeness brought new possibilities, and she was eager to be along for the journey, wherever this took them. For the first time in a while, she felt truly happy.

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There weren't words enough to describe the utter peace Illowy felt in this moment. She hadn't felt this level of normalcy for years and it was intoxicating to be able to just be in the moment without having to think about anything in the past or anything in the future. Ruby had that magical influence on her in that way. She didn't want to let it go, and in response to the need to try to make time stand still for just a little longer, she curled her fingers into the fabric of Ruby's shirt just a little more; as though holding fast to her would allow her to hold fast to the passing minutes.

It would have to end eventually though, and that would be okay. They had each other back and between the pair of them, they were a force of nature. If Ruby was there, Illowy didn't feel like she'd have to simply deal with the crippling idea that she was simply meant to be alone, or that there was no safe place to speak her true mind; and visa versa. If something happened, there was a safe place to fall again.

Illowy chuckled at Ruby's emotion choked explanation of a growth spurt, "I swear, everyone is taller then me now. I swear, there are Third Years that are towering me!" she laughed, savoring this normalcy like it was the last chocoball in the box. This was okay. They were going to be okay.

The idea that they were nearly finished with their time at Hogwarts was daunting to say the least. Hogwarts was her home. Granted she'd nearly died here a handful of times, but after spending the majority of the last five years in the castle, it was more familiar to her then her actual homes. Plus, she liked learning. There was always something new to learn and the library wasn't short of material on any given topic she might want to know... plus she hadn't quite figured out what she wanted to do with her life after Hogwarts. Once upon a time she'd had her sights set on being a world class duellist, but as she got older, that seemed less and less realistic of a career, "Of course I'm still learning spells ahead! Where's the fun in learning the same thing everyone else is learning." she teased as Ruby went on to insist Illowy catch her up on the last couple of years.

Merlin, where did one even begin. She hesitated a moment while she thought, trying to decide between keep this moment light and easy, or allowing herself to be properly open again. Not that she didn't want to be open, she'd tell Ruby anything she wanted to know; she just didn't want to bring the mood down if she could help it, "Well, I got to be a guinea pig, so no more curse." she chuckled sheepishly, finally taking her hands away from the other to gesture dramatically at her scar free face, "So that has been lovely." It was still a shock sometimes to look in the mirror and see her face back to normal. Some days she expect to wake up and it suddenly reappear.

"My family is an absolute mess, but honestly, that isn't saying anything new." she wouldn't go into detail about what all had happened. Not tonight. There was time to rehash that another day, "But my da's turned up again so I've been staying with him a few weeks in the summer in London. I can actually fly on a broom now without being a liability to fall off. It only took five years." she laughed sheepishly, "An'... I think that's pretty much it. Ye know, I don't do much of anything besides study."

She was sure there were other things here and there, small tid bits and memories she'd recall when her brain was less foggy of emotion and relief, "Oh! There is one thing I learned that I'd been workin' on for years and I finally managed it last summer. Ye wanna see?" she asked excitedly, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet. She hadn't shown anyone her animagus before. Hell, she hadn't said a word to anyone aside from the Professor who'd helped her that she was even attempting for it.

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Was this what it meant to begin healing? The lingering bittersweetness of memories and might-have-beens, the remnants of pain persisting even as the brunt of it passed, the spark of hope and affection—concepts so fundamentally pure she was scared to corrupt them—the tenderness from the emotional release after it had been stymied for so long… was that the path to improvement? To the pain hurting less? The comfort of Illowy’s presence and the relief of finally opening up and reconnecting were both things she was incredibly grateful for. She had to make sure that it meant something—that things would actually change and she wouldn’t just fall into those old destructive patterns again. Not with Illowy.

"I swear, everyone is taller then me now. I swear, there are Third Years that are towering me!" Ruby laughed. “Perhaps that’s true, but I’m sure that if any of them tried to intimidate you based on that, they would strongly regret it. Wouldn’t want to be on the other end of your wand.” She chuckled. This was nice. Easy. Natural. Illowy confirmed she was still learning spells a year ahead and Ruby smiled. At least that hadn’t changed—it showed Illowy was still as dedicated and sharp as she had always been, even though she had been suffering. “Naturally, of course.” She debated telling Illowy about the things she had accomplished with her magic and what she wanted to branch into in the coming years, but decided that that could wait. She was more interested in hearing what Illowy had to say first.

She began with the lifting of the curse, an event that had been monumental for all those who had been unfortunate enough to be bitten years ago. Ruby smiled. “Yeah, I can wear shorts and skirts again.” Of course, there was more to it than that. The curse had been incredibly painful, and the black venom in their veins threatened to take their lives if they didn’t remember to take the potions regularly enough. To be rid of that and to be (relatively) safe again meant far more than no longer having to cover her legs to avoid intrusive questions. But that went unsaid—Illowy knew it better than anyone, and talking about the depths of what it meant would just bring the mood down.

Ruby nodded and frowned slightly in sympathy at the mention of Illowy’s family being a mess. She could understand that—she couldn’t personally remember a time when her own family had ever been “normal” or fully cohesive. It was always her parents leaving her in the care of another, and when she had discovered at the beginning of her second year that she had a hidden brother, she had known her already tense relationship with her parents would be irreparably broken. But there was no sense dwelling on that right now, not when she was with Illowy for the first time in years.

The other Slytherin explained her improvement in flying and Ruby smiled. “Congrats! Everyone learns skills at different paces, what matters is that you got there.” "Ye know, I don't do much of anything besides study." Ruby laughed. “Honestly, me neither.” That wasn’t entirely true—she had certainly been branching back out over the past year by rejoining duelling, becoming an actual reporter for the Headliner, talking to people again, and just generally making sure that she wasn’t studying as obsessively as she had during her fourth year. She didn’t need that kind of isolation to characterize her life anymore. She still loved learning as much as ever—hungering for new knowledge, pushing herself to achieve far more than what was expected—but she also recognized that engaging with other things was important too.

Illowy enthusiastically asked if Ruby wanted to see something she had been working on, and the sheer excitement that characterized Illowy’s movements made Ruby grin widely. “Of course! What is it? It must be pretty impressive if it took you that long.” Whatever it was, Ruby was certainly interested because of the way Illowy was talking about it. She savored the look on Illowy’s face—it was so lovely to see her happy again, and that pure, unfiltered excitement was how things should be. The world needed more of that.

*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*