Lovely PV Ackerley Blackburn

If Ackerley had known what the future had planned for him. He would have never said those things almost a decade ago, at Beauxbaton. His love for Matilda was and still is strong, but the courses of events were always against them. There was always something in between that made him get away from here. He hated this situation. He hated the fact that he could not be strong enough to live through it, to deal with the consequences, and to be there for her. Sometimes, it was just too hard. He had promised that he would always be there. He had failed to be. Only letters could explain how such a thing could have arrived. Ackerley wanted the best for her. She was perfection, but most of all, she was the woman of his life. However, he did not know how to express everything. Was there even a way that he could tell her how wrong he had been? How he loved the years he passed in at the British Ministry of Magic in the Department of Mystery while she stayed behind? He would never be able to share this with her.  He did not regret his time there, except perhaps, the incident, but the rest had made him grow into the individual that he presently was. 

The man had sighed. He had no way to express his feelings to her now. He felt as if something was in between them again. Even if they were so close. The lack of communication had to separate them in a way that he could not believe. The man looked at her while they walked toward her office. He wishes he could just reach to her and explain himself. He was probably making it more complicated than it should be. Once they entered her haven, Ackerley looked around. He recognized a lot of Matilda's habit. It felt like coming home. Her comics were on one side of the room and while she was preparing the tea, he decided to observe them. A small smile was stir from it. She had not changed. At least, not that much. The man slowly returned toward Matilda and sat down at the small table with her. He smelled the aroma of the tea. How he loved to drink that. It was always calming, but mostly, it was making him remember his time when he would read her letter in his old office around the Gryffindor Common room. 

He had been in his mind until Matilda told him that the tea was not awful. Ackerley had looked up at her and gently smiled before taking a sip of it. It was great indeed. Somehow, the gasp of time between them had made more damage that he could have ever thought. It was difficult to have a normal conversation with the woman in front of him. Even though he only wished for it to happen. Ackerley started touching his hand nervously lost in his thought. This situation was uncomfortable for him. It was clear that she was not the most comfortable too. Were they forced to live in the past? Couldn't they change it? He wanted things to be different but was unsure of how to act around this. At least, until she spoke again, telling him she was glad that he was doing well. It seemed so formal and his heart hurt a little. Returning his eyes on her, he slowly smiled. 

- Thank you for everything, Matilda. I am also glad to see that you are doing well. 

What could he even say to her now? Ackerley had never been great with conversation. He had no idea what to do. He wished to apologize, to explain to her what actually happens, a few years ago. To tell her his journey until today. Not only what he had told her in his letter. He wanted to share his life with her. He wanted to get the lost time back. To start over or to return to that time around the fountain... 

- Matilda... I, I don't even know how to say this. I am sorry for everything. 

The man implied a lot by saying this. Feelings that he could no longer impress by words because of the hole between them, but it was mostly an apologies for not trying harder. They relation could have flourished into something beautiful, but he had run away. It was his fault if everything was like that in the present. 

 It was almost unbearable; the silence. It enveloped the two of them until it felt like Matilda was suffocating. Looking for a way out, gasping for breath. But none of this was happening, of course it wasn't, because silence was not an ocean even if Matilda was stuck in it. She dropped her gaze as the man in front of her replied to her. His voice was like a symphony, always strumming the right chords, buzzing with life. She had felt as though there'd been something off about him, since she stumbled across him in the owlery. Something just wasn't right. 

 Maybe it was the fact that they hadn't seen each other for almost a decade. They had been two people that shared a world, and now they're two worlds apart. She felt like there was a sadness tugging down on her heart, on her shoulders. There was no escape, unless she wanted to talk about what exactly had happened. But of course, she never wanted to make someone feel uncomfortable, it wasn't what she ever planned. Especially when it came to Ackerley. He was untouchable to her, something out of her grasp it felt, but yet here she was sitting across from him, looking for the right words to say.

 Her gaze drew up back to his own eyes as he spoke her name. She would never become used to hearing him being the one saying it again. It sounded new and different each time, bursting with a different, beautiful taste of flavour. A small, awkward smile picked away at her lips, chipping off the small frown that had snuck its way there. He was apologizing, but for what? For getting a life? For his parents forcing him to leave her back in Beauxbatons? "You have nothing to apologize for," She mentioned, lifting her own cup of tea to her lips.

 The tea was steaming up into her nose, and she welcomed the sweet aroma. While lost in her thoughts, she had put a good amount of sugar into the liquid and stirred it around, not a fan of bitter things. The tea burnt her lips, as well as her tongue, but by the time it found its way down her throat it was merely a warmth. She hardly noticed the burning factor that tea brought now, having burnt herself far too often with it. Part of being a fan of tessomancy, perhaps.

 She placed her cup back down on its respective saucer on the circular table that they were sat at. She smoothed out a few wrinkles in the purple fabric that covered the table, picking something or other off and allowing it to fall to the floor. She would clean later. Reaching up to tuck her dark hair behind her ear, Matilda cleared her throat. "I-It has been a long time," She stated, silently cursing herself for saying the obvious, "Since I last saw you, anyways. Would you want to expand on what we spoke about at the owlery?" She asked, the smile now settling into its rightful place on her lips.

 "What happened while we were apart?"

 It was a simple question, and she was sure that he would have covered most, if not all, of it in his letters that were addressed to her. If she wanted to know, she could probably go through them all (the letters) that were in safekeeping in the bottom drawer of her desk, locked. For her eyes only. They were the single thing that she refused to share with anyone, they were the only connection she felt that she had to Ackerley anymore - to who they had been before everything had taken a turn for the worse.

He was uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how to answer any of those questions. He couldn't give her the exact answer that she wanted. What happened during that time was something that was under his control. A pure accident, something that could have been avoided if he had reacted earlier. However, it has not been the case. Ackerley had lost so much from that day, he lost his work, his contact with his parent became close to none. He hasn't even spoken to his sister in so long.  It has broken him under the repairable. The man couldn't speak about it as it was confidential. He had lied to Matilda a few times in his letters. Being an unspeakable during that period made him realize that he had to keep the important matter to himself. 

Realisation upon him, Ackerley could only see what he had missed during those years. He could only see how much he had been a coward. If he was truly honest with himself, he would tell her the story of his life, he would actually explain the situation to her. He would stop worrying about the Ministry, about what could happen, and he would trust the love of his life with his deepest secrets. Therefore, people had died because of him, he had blood on his hand, he had also lost a part of himself because of his time there. He preferred to run away from his problems than actually facing them. He knew it was wrong, he always knew it, but actually taking actions was hard, it took every piece of energy from his body. He could not accept that. The Deputy Headmaster needed to take his responsibilities seriously. 

Slowly taking his cup to his mouth, Ackerley sighed. It was complicated. Everything always was. His hand was trembling a little under the huge pressure of stress. He wished things would be different with her. He loved her with his whole heart. She was his world, but somehow, she couldn't be part of it. It was not working as he wished it would. He wanted her to be happy, not to be stuck with someone that couldn't share his deepest secret, that was lying to her, that couldn't even protect her during all of those years. 

- I have all the reasons to apologize... I wasn't always the brightest. I wish I would have done better. I shouldn't have let my parents direct my life without even doing anything to stop them. I let them take away my happiness, they have broken me upon repair and I let them do. Then, I joined the Ministry and lied. I lied so many times in my life... Even to you. I am so sorry, Matilda. I wish I could have done differently, I wish everything would have been better, letters were never enough, it could have been so much better.

At that moment, Denise jumped onto the table and started walking in between the two, staring at Ackerley with her big round eyes. He could almost guess what she was thinking. The small lass was smart, it was a fact. He approached his hand close to her and she walked into it. At least, he had Denise, his companion. The man slowly returned his gaze to Matilda, watching her ever breathe. He was scared. He truly was. He had made mistakes, even though he was trying to erase them, they were here and would always be. 

- I tried, I really did, I wanted the best for us, but could never achieve it. 

Ackerley wanted to run away from this room, as fast as he could, but he was stuck, he was locked into a piece of his heart that couldn't move anymore. It felt as if times had stopped. He did try, but again, some part may be a lie. Ackerley was surrounded in it. he had learned to do just that, in the Ministry, lie, keep a great image. He reported his gaze to Matilda, he had avoided her main question, that incident needed to stay hidden. At least for a while. He couldn't see the world like everyone, what could he say more to that?

 She pursed her lips, her fingers still enclosed around the handle of the teacup that belonged to her. Her thumb brushed over the ivory porcelain that was accented with a brilliant blue. He was taking his time, to which she didn't mind, but it did play on her nerves a little bit. She raised the cup the her mouth again, preparing to take a sip, but he spoke before she could follow through with the action. Lifting it back onto the saucer, Matilda turned her full attention to Ackerley, her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to comprehend everything that he was saying.

 Immediately, she wanted to reach across the table and take a hold of his hand, clutch onto it tightly and tell him that it was fine - it was no big deal. They were back with one another now, there was nothing to apologize for anymore. But she hesitated. Was that even acceptable anymore? They had been lovers in Beauxbatons, but now what were they? Acquaintances? Pen-pals united? Old friends? She couldn't put her finger on it and the sole fact that she couldn't even figure out where their relationship stood explained exactly why he should be apologizing - and yet she didn't see it.

 This hesitation lead to her not being able to do what she had considered even if she wanted to. His companion, Denise, has come into the conversation. It was interesting how she came when the man seemed to be the most vulnerable; it was a companionship that Matilda personally shared with Jasmine, her cat, but where was she now? Probably off bugging children since the young woman shooed her out of the owlery. Never before had she craved the presence of her cat this much, but Denise had reminded her of the darling, furry white-haired creature.

 The brunette inhaled deeply when he had mentioned he tried. She wanted to scream out in protest, but couldn't find the will inside of her to do so. She instead focused on the intricate pattern of the teacup before her, wishing for it to envelope her until she, too, was an inanimate object. She waited for him to finish before she replied, though all she wanted was to cut him off then and there. She bit her lips, rolled them between her teeth, brought her right hand up to rub at her bottom lip before she finally drew her gaze back up to Ackerley's.

 "You tried?" She asked. Her voice quivered, and with that her French accent seemed to thicken, making up for the lack of emotion her words would carry otherwise. She pushed her tea cup and its saucer away from the edge of the table, standing up as she took a few steps away from her seat. This turned into slight pacing, her eyes trained on various spots on the floor as she moved. She shook her head as she turned to him, her arms crossing over her chest, "You never tried. These past three, four months? Where were my owls?" 

 She threw her arms up in exasperation, letting out a frustrated sigh. She didn't know what the right words to say were, and if she did they weren't exactly coming to mind at the moment. Her hand came up to rub at her forehead, and she began pacing again, unable to refrain from doing so. Every person had their own coping mechanisms, and this happened to be Matilda's. "Back at Beauxbatons.." She trailed off, her lips pulling southward into a frown, "You said you would move seas to find me Ackerley - where were you then? Where were you?" She demanded to know. His letters had always been vague, and now he has been acting different the entire time she's been speaking to him that day. It was like she barely knew the man anymore.

 It was a feeling foreign to her. Ackerley and her had always been close in spirit, but now that they were actually together, it was beginning to feel like they were a lot closer to being strangers at this point. "What kept you from always being there, no matter what?"

Anxiety was crawling inside his body. Ackerley knew he had not tried enough to even consider it ''trying''. He had only run away from his problems, preferring to never turn his back again on them and slowly walking toward a new beginning. He now knew how wrong he had been letting everything happen without doing anything. Therefore, he was young, and sometimes, mistakes could be made. After all, he was only human. 

Ackerley had not touched his tea. It was starting to get cold. As cold as this situation fell on his shoulder. Indeed, he was extremely uncomfortable while facing his own misery. The more he spoke and the more he felt it was wrong. Why should he even explain this to her when he knew it would hurt her more? Even mentioning he had tried something that was probably a lie in her eyes wouldn't mend their relationship. In his sense, the professor of charm had tried. He did, but only with letters. If only she knew how broken, he had been upon sending those to her. He had torn them up a few times before actually sending them. They were full of feelings, full of his true emotions toward her, but also toward his complicated life. It was true, he had forgotten to mention a few elements to her, it was true, he had never truly visited her except the frequent owls he sent her ways. 

In fact, since he had received his time turner from the Headmaster, Ackerley had often time traveled in the past. Only to observe the beautiful night sky that was there on the day he confessed to her. He had relived it countless times. By doing so, he was only hurting himself more, but Ackerley had never realized that he could have been living new experiences with her in the present and stopped wondering about how their past could have gone. Her voice made him report his full attention to her. she seemed distraught, tired, and sad. He could see how hurt she was from his actions, his clumsy wording. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to apologize again, even though he knew it was too late. They were broken beyond repair. Sometimes, even items couldn't be repaired with the mending charm and tonight, their heart had fallen apart on different horizons, different oceans. They were navigating toward different goals, they had different passions. Time had ravaged them. Building them into two strangers, two individuals that weren't like two pieces of a puzzle anymore. 

The man followed her eyes. She was looking at her teacup. He wondered which colors it was. He was certain that her divination classroom was colorful, bringing emotions, sensations, but also a benevolent atmosphere. The man craved to be able to explore this world again. He wished to pass his hand on different type of material, her numerous pillows, enjoying each side of colors, each small detail, each emotion he would feel upon seeing them. Therefore, he knew it was impossible. It was so close to him, so accessible, yet so far. This incident had truly broken him apart. It wasn't only his heart that was in pieces, it was his whole existence.

His body froze at the mention of Beauxbaton. It wasn't listening to him anymore and the man slowly got up from his chair, crossing one of his arms onto his chest while the other was slowly stroking the tablecloth. Her French accent could be heard once she spoke. A sign that she might be losing a small part of her eternal control and patience. He couldn't stand the awful silence that was between them. She was waiting for him, for his final answer. She was waiting for a way to escape this horrible situation. Dreaming about perfection was easy, but seeing the truth was harder. Ackerley had not been able to send her owls during that amount of time for a specific reason. His incident had occurred during that summer. He had spent it at the hospital. In all honesty, the professor of charm couldn't exactly remember everything that had happened while he was there. Everything was dark, he was missing pieces. After all, he had been hit by an unknown spell, most likely a curse, something purely evil. It was still a miracle that he only had lost his color sigh. It could have been so bad, even his life had been feared. Swallowing awkwardly, Ackerley looked into her eyes, trying to keep them into her. She was exuding a strong and brave aura. It was a little unbalancing for the man.

- This summer... Something happened. I remember visiting the hospital for a long amount of time, but I cannot quite recall everything from it. 

Stroking his hair, the man tried to remember, but couldn't describe his incident to her without revealing secret information from his mission. He couldn't say a word. He walked a little nervously around the room trying to express himself correctly. He truly wasn't great at all with words. He preferred silence, quiet moment of his heart where he could contemplate every shade of his life. 

- Back at Beauxbaton... I was young. I could never have considered everything that would have happened afterward. If only I knew, I would have waited. Waited for a better time to come. 

He was afraid, so much afraid to explain the truth. He had lost many comrades from his missions, being an unspeakable wasn't an easy job. It was extremely tiring, but it had also created numerous fears. He was scarred for the rest of his life. He had always loved mystery, resolving strange cases was his dream. He had done it and had failed dramatically. He couldn't even look at her in her eyes anymore. Blackburn didn't deserve to be in her presence. Even so, he still tried, tried to make a contact with her. 

- I-I... can't tell you. 

 A shiver ran down each vertebra of her spine - this wasn't right. She and Ackerley didn't argue, it just never happened. They had always gotten along so effortlessly, ever since they had been partnered in Potions class together, back in their young and naïve years. She let out a sigh, not quite sure whereabouts her feelings were at this moment. She felt many things, all at once. She was understanding to an extent - she knew that something must have been holding him back, but what? Of course, these thoughts lead to her being frustrated, which was never good for her.

 Matilda was the perfect model of what a Papillonlisse should be, up until she got aggravated. She was kind, loyal, charming even, but her temper... oh, how she had a temper that could set a whole forest ablaze. And she would be standing in the middle of it, marveling at just how much beauty and pain and loss came out of this anger. She didn't notice the loss this time though, she never considered the idea of losing Ackerley. No matter how far out of reach he was to her, he was still there. Permanently. Engraved into her life for the rest of eternity.

 When she had first met Ackerley, she would think about how cute he was, or how deep his ocean eyes went. Miles, maybe thousands of them, she inferred. She could stare at those eyes of his for the longest of times. But now? Now, she couldn't even look at him without feeling some kind of... furious emotion bubbling in her chest. One she couldn't control. She turned her face to the side, diverting her gaze from him now. She could feel him getting to his feet, and almost instinctively, Matilda took a few steps back.

 What was she doing? She huffed, shaking her head at herself. She couldn't even quite understand herself at this point anymore. The only thing she knew for sure was that she wasn't happy. Taking some part of her pride back, she took in a deep breath, lifting her gaze back to his own. Once again, she fought the temptation of forgetting about the entire conversation, the entire situation, and go back to the nice and easy way that things were beforehand.  But that was life; things were not easy, they never were easy, and they never will be easy. She just had to understand that.

 Her heart thrummed against her chest with the force of a thousand beating drums as he spoke. She so desperately didn't want this to escalate, but at the same time, she didn't quite care. She was irrational, yet still anxious about it. Her lips parted slightly at the mention of him being in the hospital for a long amount of time. Guilt filled every inch of her veins until her skin turned cold. Her facial expression turned to one of worry, and she took the few steps to almost close the space between them. Just one or two more steps and they would be chest-to-chest. She didn't take those steps.

 "Y-You were hurt..?" Her voice called out, almost unrecognizable to herself. It was filled to the very brim with concern. She hated herself at that moment for picking a fight with him, when maybe she didn't even know what happened while she wasn't receiving owls from him. She reached out, wanting to touch his face, but her hand fell short and went back to her side halfway. Her eyebrows furrowed together, and she pursed her lips as he replied to her mention of Beauxbatons.

 The schooling years the two of them shared felt as though they were so far behind in the past. She hardly remembered anything that didn't include the man before her. She longed to have those moments back, to just go back. She would have saved herself from all of this hurt. But then again, she should have seen this coming. Being a master of divination herself - even if she didn't say so - she had read their cards, searched through smoke, and forced visions upon herself to see what their future looked like. None of the outcomes were ever unhappy. So what was this?

 Matilda laughed. She plain, straight-out laughed as he mentioned that he couldn't tell her. It was as though she had just heard the most hysterical thing in the world. "Of course you can not tell me," She finally said after a few moments, taking her hands that had strayed to cover her face away, "If you don't want to explain to me why you were gone, why you have changed, Ackerley, then get out." She motioned towards the door with one hand, "The door is unlocked, open and ready." 

 She didn't know what she was saying, and if one thing was sure, it was that if this worked, she would regret it later on. Her breaths were staggered, and she was probably getting a little red in the face, but she somehow still managed to hold herself back from doing anything too drastic. But as with everyone, she too would become out of control if she didn't let her emotions out at some point. Before she could comprehend what was going on fully, she raised her hands flat, parallel to her shoulders and close to her. She was close enough to give a nice, hard and firm push from her position, and so she did just that. "If you don't care, go!"

His heart was beating so hard in his chest that it hurts. Everything was hurting him, his past, his feelings, his everything. It was as if, he was meant to be living into suffering and darkness. As long as he could remember, Ackerley had only felt that way, it was true, he had felt at peace upon his time with Matilda Barrows, but the rest of his life has been studying on different kind of curses, charms and living under his strict parents that weren't helpful at all. Ackerley wondered what kind of person he would be if it wouldn't have been on them. He knew his grandmother had done her best to save him from this and until her sudden death. It had saddened the man beyond anything he could have imagined. Somehow, the professor of Charms away felt as if everything was eternal. It was similar to his relation with Matilda. He felt as if they were stuck in ice during the time that he wasn't there. He believed that everything would be fine once they were back together. How wrong he had been. Ackerley never realized that it would hurt her so much, that he would break someone else. He only wanted to help everyone, to make it perfect and better. Somehow, he had failed terribly. 

The man returned his attention to the woman that was looking concerned about him. Ackerley only wanted to tell her the truth, to tell her how it has been, but he hated to speak about himself. He hated to break laws and secrets. Most especially, he hated to disappoint the people surrounding him. It was why he never told her everything he was doing. Ackerley wasn't special at all, he was a poor individual that tried his best to please others while forgetting himself in it. His pale eyes wandering around her own. She was so close to him yet so far. Before, in their letters, they were closer emotionally even though they were so far away physically. Right now, they had lost that connection. They were alone while staying in the same classroom. He wished to erase this, he wished to walk the few steps that were separating them and hug her. He wanted to show his love even if it was full of thorns and blood. Therefore, the situation escalated from his poor way of phrasing words. Ackerley wasn't a poet, his words weren't flooding on an ocean of rich literature. He could clearly see the anger she felt. Her face was flushed, turning red. Some tears were in her eyes. He could see her distress. His eyebrow furrowed, but the man tried to stay calm, breathing unevenly while he watched her fall into pieces. 

Destabilised. His eyes opened a little more upon realizing what just happened. He had backed up a little from the impact. Matilda had pushed him. The young man was feeling contradictory emotions. He could not determine which one he should let out at this moment. She was extremely mad at him, she could not understand why he acted like that. Why he wouldn't try more. He slowly breathes out the air, he had kept inside without noticing and took another look at her. She was not necessarily mad at him, she was hurt. Slowly and with a weak movement, Ackerley got closer to her. He hoped she wouldn't push him away again, but in this instant, Matilda was unpredictable. He stopped in front of her and dried a few tears that were on her lovely face.  He was reconsidering his decision. If he wanted to make his life with this magnificent person, he would have to share his dark life. Ackerley took a deep breath while taking her small hands into his.

- I am deeply sorry, Matilda. You know how bad I am with words. You used to correct me often on my phrasing. I-I guess I am still as bad as before with this. Let's sit down and I will tell you a story. 

Together, they both went and sat down on the comfortable pillows that were covering a corner of her classroom. Meanwhile, keeping his cold hands on her own. Ackerley shivered. Being exposed and open like that was scary. He couldn't believe that he would finally open up about all of those things. It was new, but he wished to do that for her. She deserved to know who he was.

- Before starting to work her three years ago, I was working at the Ministry as you remember. Therefore, I never told you specific details about it. At the start, I was working on the Committee on Experimental Charms, but I quickly got upgraded to a darker position. I was and still am an unspeakable. I work in the Department of Mystery. Some of my letters were vague because I couldn't speak about the discovery or the missions I attempted. I specialized myself in cursed, but also in the study of dark artifacts. Last summer, I was in the hospital because one of my mission turned sour... I got badly injured and couldn't get discharged before I fully recover... I am deeply sorry for never sharing this with you, I wish I could tell you more, but right now, this is mostly what I am able to share. With times, I believe I will be able to tell you more about myself. I am sorry for disappointing you. 

He couldn't move at all. Ackerley was frozen, fearing her negative answer. He truly longed for a happy ending, but somehow, he felt as if this was not enough. He tried to share as many information as he could, but he felt stuck. Telling the truth wasn't always something easy. It was hard, it was dirty, and could hurt someone. He hated everything about it, but the truth could also give peace, make an individual happy and brings colors into a dark and empty world... 

  His touch on her face was like the igniting sparks of a fire. She closed her eyes, her lips in a pout as she tried to calm her heart down. Her head dropped down slightly, angling towards the floor. She remained silent. There wasn't anything to really say after her ramble. She had pushed him, told him to get out, yet he was still there. Why? She felt his hands leave her face and take her own, and this was when she dared to look at him once more. He was cold, and it made a shock on her own warm skin. 

 Apologies came from his mouth, and to that she let out a huff, refraining herself from rolling her eyes. She pulled her hands away from his, muttering under her breath, "Fine." He lead the two to her pillow corner - which was where she had far too many of varying bright colours from all over the world. Though most happened to come from places in Africa, like Morocco or Zimbabwe. Hand-made and gorgeous. They were only ever really intended for decoration, though, so most of the beads that had been sewn on to some of the pillows have gone missing from usage.

 Matilda sat next to the man she had given her entire heart to, and his hands took her's once more. This time, she didn't pull them away. She prepared herself for mostly anything; she had no idea what he was going to tell her. Apparently a story, yet she assumed it wouldn't be one of the ones with a princess and a knight in shining armor, fighting a dragon. She let out a sigh, getting comfortable in her own spot before paying Ackerley her full attention. Her icy blue eyes locked onto his face, and he began to speak.

 While his voice explained a little bit of what was going on, Matilda found her gaze trailing down to her lap rather than focusing on his face like she hoped to maintain. Her hands played with each other, which was really just fiddling, perhaps. He had told her plenty in a short time just then, and she found herself struggling not to let out a small smile at it. The role of an unspeakable, she was sort of familiar with. Her father had tried explaining everything about the wizarding government before she had made her choice on career. She didn't pick up on much of it, but with a reminder - such as Ackerley mentioning it - she was able to somewhat recall what he had told her.

 He finished his 'story', and Matilda move closer to him just the slightest bit. She slowly placed her hand on his cheek, directing him to look at her. She couldn't keep her eyes in one place at first, going from his eyes, to his hair, to the curve of his lips. Her thumb rubbed against his skin lightly, and she leaned in slightly so that their foreheads were touching. "Thank you, for telling me." She breathed out, and her eyes fluttered closed once more. 

 He was so close that she could feel his breath fanning across her light skin. Just one move, and they would be back to where they were that night at Beauxbatons, before they had almost been caught. Without thinking much on whether or not she wanted to take the chance, she closed the space between their lips, bringing her other hand up to place it on his other cheek. It was sweet, it was light, yet it was almost somber to an extent. 

 Seconds went by, then she pulled away, a blush scattered across her face. She didn't know why she happened to be so comfortable with Ackerley, other than the fact that her heart had longed for him for the longest time. Something had overcome her actions either way, because no matter how romantic she might be, she didn't quite take the initiative on these sorts of things. Often, anyways. Clearing her throat, she settled back into her own space, not quite sure how close he wanted her to be. After all, she had shoved him pretty hard just a few minutes ago.

 "But-" She cut herself off as she searched for the right words, her lips pursing as she stretched her legs out in front of her, "But what happened that put you into the hospital for so long? Why didn't you tell me before?" She questioned, her curious gaze trailing back to him once more. She reached out to take his hand once more, quickly intertwining their fingers, "A-Are you able to tell me?" She wasn't quite sure how the laws of the Ministry went (which her father would admittedly be ashamed of), and she didn't want to push him to say something that might get him into trouble, but she wanted to know at the same time.

Waiting. Anxiety. Nervous. That was exactly how the man fell once he had finally closed his mouth, in the wait of her answer to his unasked question. Would she be able to forgive him for telling her a part of himself that she never knew before? Would she be able to accept him like he was, even if she did not know half of his secrets? Ackerley was not certain. Nothing was clear to him, she was the divination professor anyway, not him. He could not predict the future and that was scary to a point where he was forgetting himself in the abyss of the world. Who he truly was. A complete stranger to this beautiful woman in front of him. His pale eyes were moving from her own darker one to her face, her hand. His own hands were so cold, like ice, in her warm ones. He was shaking a little, proof of his fear and nightmares, but still, he was holding himself in front of her. He was trying to hide his emotions as much as he could. He preferred to suffer silently than inflict this to her. 

To his surprise, her hands let go of his own and went directly to his face. Before he could interpret more her action, Ackerley felt something soft against his lips. A kiss. A proof of love, a proof of their complicated, but still possible relationship. His hand slowly went to her face as well, brushing her hair away from it. Once they parted, the man smiled at her. He was no longer nervous nor empty of actual feeling, but full of a small happiness that came to illuminate his day. It was a special moment that needed to be remembered by him. He needed to know that he could trust her with his deepest secret. He wished he could actually tell her everything, right at this moment, but something was still stopping him. 

Brushing his fear away, deep down in his mind, he smiled back to her. Her perfume was everywhere in the room, it was making him dizzy. It was a pleasant smell. One that made him feel home. In fact, everything about her gave him that feeling. It was simply natural, something that made sense without any explanation. He loved her for so long, he had wanted her for so long in his life, he could not believe everything they had had to do to be in this place today. All this hurting, all this pain, to simply acquire a sort of happiness together. At least, it was worth it. Everything about Matilda was. She was his precious heaven, his home, his future wife, he hoped. He had no words to explain his love to her. 

Taking a deep breath, he returned his attention to her, trying to keep this vision into his memory forever. Of course, this moment could not make her forget everything that had happened before. Even if, in all honesty, Ackerley hoped it could happen. This peculiar feeling was back, wrapping his whole behind, making his hand moist. Before opening his mouth again, hoping that his voice would be back, Ackerley gave her a small smile empty of any beautiful emotion. ''I truly wish I could explain everything to you, love, but some things cannot be told. It happened under dark circumstances and it took away something from me. Something that I am desperate to get back. I can't express myself correctly, I am sorry, but it is something quite important to me. I am not fully ready to share everything about it...But I can tell you it has something to do with my eyes.''