Thinking Out Loud PV S. Alexander Finished

With the soles of his shoes pressed tightly against the stall door, and leaning his head back to eye the ceiling, Scott found himself having wandered off to think for the first time in his life.

He'd never been the wander off kind of person. When he couldn't get an issue off his mind, he would go to his mother, or to anyone in his family. He was the textbook example of that kind of child, and no one realised this as much as he did when he found himself feeling lost in the Abandoned Toilets, with no family around.

The issue of his was one with his new roommates.

He had realised quite early on that making friends with boys, Gryffindor boys of all people, was particularly harder (or at least different) than spending time with, say, your cousin. He didn't dislike them, it wasn't in his nature to do so, and he was pretty sure they had no problem with him either.

He'd been polite, kind, and welcoming: the way he'd been taught since his first step to always be.

But he got the strong feeling there was something more required to get along with these people. That is was something he would need for the rest of his years at Hogwarts- that is was something he didn't have.

He felt childish, that's what he did. Little, and even dumb, sometimes. Too much went over his head.

But sitting quiet in a toilet stall longing of his mother didn't exactly help this case. So gathering himself, Scott was about to get his feet back on the dirty bathroom floor, when he heard someone coming in.

And with a loud bang, that almost frightened him, the figure appeared to take the stall next to his.

"It's your fault,"

They appeared upset. Though not confused upset, like Scott. They seemed angry.

"You should have done better."

Angry with themselves, judging by the words.
It sounded like a girl, and Scott knew he'd been advised not to bother girls when they were upset. He'd been advised not to eavesdrop, either, but there was something about her voice that he just couldn't ignore. Perhaps it was familiar to him.

"You should have done better!"

Scott jumped in surprise at the load noise once again erupting from the wall, and without hesitation he climbed up to stand on the tank of the toilet. Crossing every line, and doing nothing to disprove his self-accusations of being immature, Scott leant over to look down the stall next to his.

"Ami?"

“Ami?”

“For the love of- what the hell- fricking- Scott? Is that you?” Ami exclaimed, leaping to her feet, her eyes as wide as dinner plates. Her back was against the wall of the stall, facing Scott, who had apparently climbed up on top of the toilet and was staring at her. 

Closing her eyes, Ami took a deep breath, steadying her voice and steeling her nerves. “I’m pretty sure these are girl’s toilets, Scott, abandoned or not.” She didn't want her voice to crack while talking to this boy who held so much of her admiration.

Of all the people at Hogwarts, Scott Alexander was probably the last person Ami expected to see here. To her, the Gryffindor was always so well put together, so chivalrous and kind, so popular. On the other hand, Ami was a basket case with few friends and too many enemies for her liking. Honestly, it was a miracle he chose to talk to her at all.

“What are you doing here?” she mumbled, finally opening her eyes. Was he here because like her, he was suffering? “God, you must think I'm mental, talking to myself... a- are you okay?” 

She and Scott had first met when Ami had been planning Mia’s birthday party, and they had hit off pretty well together, both leaving the secret meeting with a good impression of one another, and each with a small (Sharpie) tattoo drawn by the other. Ami had received a dragon on her wrist from Scott, and Scott had gotten a phoenix on his shoulder blade from Ami.

All in all, she had thoroughly enjoyed his company, and she was glad that at least someone she somewhat tolerated had been in the stall. Imagine, just imagine, if say Dorian had been there, or Aravis. That would've been awkward.

"I'm pretty sure these are the girls' toilets, Scott, abandoned or not."

She gathered herself after his surprise pop-up, and Scott wondered if, by the look of this place, he would be able to convince her that the boys' bathroom smelled even worse, and that that's why he was here. But taking another breath with his nose he realised that that wasn't happening.

The true reason of his presence was of course that he'd needed to be alone, and she seemed to maybe get that anyway.

"What are you doing here? God, you must think I'm mental, talking to myself... a-are you okay?

Scott settled with his chin in his arms over the wall, and tried to look both as casual and sympathetic as he could.

"Oh I'm alright. And you didn't sound mental, by the way, my mother talks to herself all the time. Well, to be fair to her she doesn't lock herself in empty bathrooms- but still, pretty similar.

She didn't seem too flustered now that she knew it was him. It made Scott happy, because dealing with her angry from up there would have been an experience more likely than not to end with him falling with his bottom onto the cold, rock hard ground.

"Honestly just thinking, if you can believe it. Having a time."

Scott didn't want to sound sarcastic, not when it so clearly was Ami who needed a bit of comfort.

"You're not having a time. What's up?"

"Oh, I'm alright. And you didn't sound mental, by the way, my mother talks to herself all the time. Well, to be fair to her she doesn't lock herself in empty bathrooms- 
but still, pretty similar."

Ami flushed at the mention of locking herself in the stall, but she knew Scott was only kidding- right? Right? He had to be, Ami couldn't bear it if another person turned against her, with her strange habits, random habits, and intrusive, self-destructive thoughts. Especially not Scott.

Unlike his cousin, Mia, Scott didn't know her as well. He didn't know how much she worried, her diet, how her finger was constantly stuck on the self-destruct button. Mia knew about it, though, so maybe she could trust Scott, too. After all, Mia trusted him, and Ami trusted Mia.

"Honestly just thinking, if you can believe it. Having a time. 
You're not having a time. What's up?"

Ami shook her head ruefully, unwilling to open up that easily, even to someone like Scott, someone as sweet and lovely as Scott Alexander. "It's nothing," she said with a plastered on smile, then realized that Scott had been in the stall before her, which must have meant... "How much of that, uh, dialogue did you hear?" Ami added, the fake smile slipping from her face as she narrowed her eyes at the boy standing so casually on the toilet- which reminded her of something.

"And come down from there, you're going to slip and land yourself with a concussion," she added with a small smile. Turning, Ami unlocked the door of the stall, glancing back at Scott. It was clear that he was meant to follow her.

"Scourgify," the Hufflepuff mumbled, pointing her wand at a spot on the floor, in the back corner, hidden from the entrance of the toilets. A section large enough to fit the two students was suddenly cleaned, and Ami sat down, leaning back against the wall. 

"You're upset about something. Spill. I find talking to someone seems to clear up the situation a little bit," Ami prompted, inclining her head at the Gryffindor. "And don't be shy," she added with a small smile. "It's not like I'm going to tell anyone." I've got no one to tell.

"I didn't hear much," Scott admitted as Ami left her stall. He climbed down as well, standing in the open doorframe of his as Ami seemed to clean and clear a corner of the room for them to talk in.
"Just heard you were upset, is all." With yourself, he added in his mind. Though he didn't say it, in case it would sound accusing. Anyhow he couldn't be sure that was the case, she may well have been speaking about someone else.

Ami now leant against the cleaner wall, and had him follow her there.

"You're upset about something. Spill. I find talking to someone seems to clear up the situation a little bit. And don't be shy, it's not like I'm going to tell anyone"

Scott raised his eyebrows, since he could be asking her the very same things, but gave it up quite easily and sighed as he relaxed into the wall on the other side of the corner.

"I believe you." Was all he said at first, in a way to state that neither would I.

"I don't think you're the kind of person to do that. What with being a Hufflepuff and everything." He hoped she realised that was a joke. "But I'm not sure if you can help." Scott regretted the last part, didn't want to offend her after she offered to do just that what he needed someone to do most right now- talk to him. So he offered her this, with a laughing undertone so not to appear too serious:

"Ever encountered the threatening ways of Max Avery? Or the persuasive talk of Dorian Gray? They're my roommates now, and I like them! I swear. It's just a lot different, that's all. Being a Gryffindor is hard work. But I suppose being a Hufflepuff must be, too."

He didn't actually think it was her house that had brought her to the Abandoned Toilets, but figured that any theory might have her open up a bit- especially after he'd done so.

"I didn't hear much. Just heard you were upset, is all."

Okay, so- wait, she had only said three sentences, how did he even... Nevermind, it didn't matter. So, he didn't think she was a total basket-case with her foot in a lake full of hungry sharks. Great, that was an okay start to go off of.

Her heart plummeted, crashed through her ribcage all the way down to her feet, however, as Scott continued on, dropping names like Max Avery and Dorian Gray- names she never wanted to hear again. Ever. Well, at least he had opened up, and the conversation would steer away from her outburst in the stall, which was good...

"Max... I've never had anything against Max," Ami said quietly, admittedly. He had never rubbed her the wrong way, at least, not yet. He had seemed pretty close to rolling her over with a verbal steamroller, however, just because she was a Hufflepuff. "Throw a cat at him, and he'll be as happy as a clam. Dorian, however..." 

With a heavy sigh, Ami glanced at Scott pityingly. "Between you and me, half of me wants to kick his teeth in, and the other half want to kick him in the balls. Take your pick, and I'll do the other one." Dorian Gray were the two words that Ami most wanted to drag through the dirt, stomp on, and run through the garbage disposal in a sink drain.

Giving him another look, Ami completely ignored his attempts to get her to open up, and instead probed deeper. "Why are you asking? They didn't do anything to you, did they? God, if they did..." A menacing, revengeful look flashed across Ami's face, extremely different from her normally placid expression. An expression that looked belonged to a killer, not a kid.

“Why are you asking? They didn’t do anything to you, did they? God, if they did..

“No! No, no.. definitely not.

Ami clearly had some sort of history with these boys. It interested him, to say the least, but something about going down that road also scared him a little bit. Maybe it was Ami’s murderous look, or maybe it was the fact that me might have to find out they were trouble for real. He didn’t want to have anything against them. Their entire first conversation has been all about trust, and not stabbing each other in the back. And he’d liked that. He’d liked the feeling of three new friends, boys he’d share a room with for who knows how long. No matter how threatening they might have seemed, there was a true sense of security in that idea.

“It’s just demanding. You seem to know who they are, so I bet you know all about that. But whatever he did to you..”

Was that why she was here? It didn’t seem like it.

“He didn’t do to me. I’m almost sure we’re friends, even.” He took another careful look at her. “Which now seems a little less attractive.”

He couldn’t possibly be friends with someone who’d hurt Ami, now, could he? Not her.

He liked her so very much.

Damn it. He’d come here split enough as it was to figure out how best make good friends with everyone- only now things seemed to be headed in the other direction.

"Friends?" Ami said weakly, glancing at Scott, her expression queasy. "Friends? With Dorian Gray? I cannot believe we're talking about the same person," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. From personal experience, she knew to proceed carefully around subjects regarding the Gryffindor.

She didn't ask, didn't wonder as to why on earth Scott would want to be friends with people like Dorian and Max, and she didn't look down on it. She was, however, wary of the growing friendship between them. She didn't want Scott to get hurt, although it might be inevitable considering the abrasive personalities of the other Gryffindor boys.

"If..." Ami said slowly, thinking. What would she have done differently that night, if she had wanted to be friends with Dorian? "If you truly want to be friends with Dorian and Max, tread carefully. Never strive to outshine them, never step on their toes. 

"And whatever you do, act like a pureblood around Max." She stared at Scott for this, dead serious. She still didn't understand the importance of who your parents married, and why on earth that had anything to do with status, but apparently, it mattered. "You're an Alexander, that's sure to pull some weight with him." 

“Not best friends..”

Scott was almost whispering. He felt bad, he didn’t know exactly why- but he did. And he felt like reassuring Ami that his and Dorian’s “friendship” was about as certain as the number of flies in the castle was needed.

"If you truly want to be friends with Dorian and Max, tread carefully. Never strive to outshine them, never step on their toes.”

Noted. Scott let out a forced laugh, since it had been the first thing he realised about them.

"And whatever you do, act like a pureblood around Max. You’re an Alexander, that’s sure to pull some weight with him."

This made Scott uncomfortable. He got enough of that sort of thing at family reunions, didnt even know people of his age cared about that sort of thing.

“I can do that.” Scott said, in a sort of sad voice. “After all, you thought I was one.

He smiled at her, realizing how this friendship, and the friendships he had with Mia, Arebella, or Richard- were all so much better for him. All you had to do in those friendships were be kind.
He was good at being kind. He was not good at witty comebacks, fist bumps, or tormenting teachers.

And none of those were things required with Ami. All he had to do now was be kind, and the kind thing to do when you’ve encountered somebody upset- is try and help them the way they try and help you.

“You’re not here because of them though, are you? That would be one coincidence.”