Closed Sacred Space PV Colin McCoire

Attire: Usual school day attire: robes, shirt (buttons mismatched), tie (undone), kilt, neck ring, no shoes.

Reducio

Colin wandered aimlessly after his last class. No joyful running this afternoon. No exuberant games in the corridors. No whoops or howls in the courtyard. Colin felt as far away from joy and happiness as he could feel and the entire world was bleak and dead around him. He trudged along as if trapped in a vision of gray mist under dark clouds. There was nothing to see and nothing to feel.

Liam was gone nearly a month now and Colin felt his absence keenly. He'd been so stupid through all of first year, avoiding and hiding from the one person he should have known he could absolutely rely on. His heart was utterly broken and empty. He sighed as his bare feet carried him along. He didn't even care where they took him. Vaguely, he recognised the stones of the Courtyard passing underfoot. Colin felt the tears of grief begin to flow.

And Clair! It had not even been twenty-four hours since the disaster at last night's dinner. Everything was going so well at first! What would a Hogwarts dinner be without some kind of adventure? An all too brief penetration of light into Colin's world of darkness brought back the memories of kids screaming and scattering in the wake of the onslaught of frogs. He remembered his most unfortunate and eye wateringly visceral collision with the heavy wood of the bench and then finding his friend Keith and they found loads of frogs together!

And then there was Clair. And that was where Colin's world imploded. He'd decided to ask her to the Autumn Ball, and that bit went pretty well. Everything inside Colin crashed when she said she was already going with someone else. Clair. He knew he was coming to love her. But he was too late, and she found another! His soul was absolutely crushed as he felt the weight of rejection crash down on him. He forgot about the frogs and everything else as he fled from the hall.

Dark thoughts pressed in on Colin. The black and cold waters of the loch tempted him: We shall embrace you forever, they called out to him. Swim in our depths until the end of the world and let your heart cease its labour! The heights of the castle's highest tower tempted him: Come young snake! Fly once with the eagles! Leap forth from us and join your brother! Fly with him forever! The cold and damp and lightless depths of the castle tempted him: You know our paths and our ways, for we've felt the warmth of your feet on our cold stones. Come! Rest your weary bones among the deep places of Earth and Magic --- you know what we speak! Come! We shall embrace you for ever more, and you shall forget all pain and torment! Magic itself tempted him: Seek not oblivion among the cold stones and waters! Young snake! Are there not magics, dark, perhaps to the weak, that might save you? Come, we shall teach you our secrets! You do not need --- love --- for that is the weakest of Powers. Our way is of strength and of will. Cast aside your weakness. You know of which we speak. Other wizards have done it! Do not go to your brother: nay, together we shall bring your brother back to you! At your side, where he belongs!

Colin's mind reeled and he didn't know which path to take! He knew only that he was sundered from half of his heart and he'd do anything to get that half back. Anything! Colin's face screwed up into a mask of contorted agony. Which way to go? That was the only question. End the pain somehow or overcome it through force. Colin was broken and confused and his tears watered the path under his feet.

Slowly he trudged upwards, his feet found the paths towards the sacred place. His place of meditation. The weight of death and rejection pressed him down, and he felt bent. And at the last, Colin broke. With a sob, Colin felt his body reel and collapse.

The stone outcropping was at his back and Colin cried. He cried as he hadn't since the day Liam went from his side. Colin roared out for his twin: "LIIIAAAMMM!!! " His voice sounded harsh to his ears, like sharp stones and the cracking of bones. It was full of hatred for werewolves and dark magic, woven together with inconsolable griefs and longings.

For some time, Colin was silent, rocking back and forth in an attempt to comfort himself. When he spoke next, his voice rose from the uttermost deeps of his soul. Not quite a song, not quite a poem. There was no music to accompany Colin's low caoining except the small sounds of wild creatures in the gorse and the heather of his high place.

Òbhan òbhan òbahn ìri
Òbhan ìri ò

He is gone from me now
my first love my other self
Taken from my heart
my beloved my other heart

Òbhan òbhan òbahn ìri
Òbhan ìri ò

Lorn now I wander in grief
my feet walk alone and stumble
Lost I yearn for you my brother
along the lonesome path

Òbhan òbhan òbahn ìri
Òbhan ìri ò

Where are you my love?
Where did they lay you?
Where stands your grave stone?
I would lie there on the grass.

Òbhan òbhan òbahn ìri
Òbhan ìri ò

Now you are gone my Liam
my heart lies broken
I would hold you again my love
But you are gone my Liam.

Òbhan òbhan òbahn ìri
Òbhan ìri ò

@AngelFyre McCubbin || @Clair Fernandez

There was nothing left in the world now.

His caoining done, Colin fell silent. Slowly he toppled to the earth and lay embraced by the wild plants there. All was grey before his vision, bleak and lifeless. His breathing came in shallow, ragged sobs and he made strained mewling sounds as his grief overwhelmed him. Colin wished to sleep. Sleep forever and forget the pain.

Again the temptations tormented him. Could he not just lie here forever? Could he not just fall asleep and never awaken? Could he --- Again Colin tried to fight the darkness that arose within him. He was weak and he knew it. Was not everything good in the world now gone? Was he not left alone? What was the use in fighting?

Colin opened his eyes. He saw the stone seat some distance away. A woman sat there, wearing blue, and her baby sat on her lap. He tried to reach out, but his fingers barely moved. His throat was dry and his voice sounded cracked. The effort to speak was so great! The darkness within him argued that it was pointless. "Mother," he croaked. "I'm alone. So alone! Help me..."

Colin closed his eyes again as the breeze shifted. To the scents of earth and stone and herb came a new scent. It was familiar and it penetrated the dark fog that blanketed Colin's mind. His heart stirred a little against the darkness. Had he really smelled his best friend, or was this another teasing torment of the darkness. He'd seen her in the corridors a couple times, but they hadn't connected. That weighed on his heart too. Of all his friends, he knew of one who had instantly gotten him. He began to shiver. Weakly.

Working up the strength at last he whispered: "Are you really there? F---Fyre Angel? It's so dark. And I'm so alone!"

@AngelFyre McCubbin

"Yes... yes it is me, Colin. It is Fyre Angel," and she immediately dropped to her knees beside him, wrapping her arms around his lithe, but muscular frame now gone limp. He was shivering, but while brisk out, it was not so cold that it should be registering as any degree of discomfort for the born and reared Highland laddie.

Her anguish had quickly been replaced by concern for his well being, both physically and emotionally, as she quickly scanned him for any wounds or signs of foul play. Relieved at finding nothing, she sat down, stretching her legs out so that she could place his head in her lap. His eyes were closed and he was making sound, but she could not decipher it. Truly, she was pretty certain it was no longer speech of any kind. Looking down upon her friend, Colin in that moment reminded her more of a piper's bagpipes being deflated of air than of her exuberantly rambunctious, kilted wolf brother.

She immediately unzipped and took off her jacket, placing it over his chest and arms. He was clammy. She spoke his name and while he turned his head towards her, continuing the moaning mumbles, he seemed unaware of his surroundings. His lips looked dry and a bit crusted so she pinched the skin on the back of his hand to see if it would snap back. It did not. It remained in a pinched tent form as it slowly leveled out. He was dehydrated. This she could do something about immediately.

She opened up her satchel and grabbed her water bottle. Pouring some on her fingers first, she dampened his lips to see if he would or could respond. When his tongue flicked out, she raised his head and brought the bottle to his mouth. "Here Colin, drink. It is just water." When he made no move, AngelFyre directed him brusquely and firmly, "Drink!" Eyes still closed, he obeyed.

Colin had always been one to seemingly fade in and out of his own temporal awareness, but it was always clear to her in those moments when he did that he displayed a measure of lucidity in the aftermath.

Not this time.

She had heard him call out to his mother. His mother was definitely not here, but neither was Colin, not really. Whatever had happened in the Great Hall last night was surely part of the problem, but AngelFyre felt it was not the lion's share. Looking down on him again, he had stilled and quieted. Fear suddenly gripped her and she gently pried open first one eye and then the other, checking his pupils. His first eye looked normal, but when she moved to open his left eye, her wrist brushed against his fang necklace and she froze.

Much like the evening in the Library with Simon when she had her 'vision' of the danger his father would be to him, AngelFyre experienced something similar now with Colin. Nausea and confusion exploded within her as the pictures in her head played out too quickly for her to fully make sense of them, but the feelings associated with them left her reeling. When she opened her eyes, she had no solid answers as to what had recently happened to her friend, but she knew without a doubt he was still in mortal danger.

She herself shuddered, and then looked down to him. His red-rimmed, pond scum green eyes as she had heard him once describe them were open and looking up at her. She could see Colin was here with her now, and she smiled tenderly down at him. "Hey, you. Glad to have you back amongst the land of the living," and as soon as the words passed her lips, she wanted to kick herself from there to Timbuktu.

They looked at each for a time, and she encouraged him to tell her of Liam's fate with just seven words. "I am so sorry, Colin. How? When?"

@Colin McCoire

Colin felt arms embracing him, lifting him up. Hands moved his body around, smoothed his hair, placed something warm over him. He wasn't cold. But whatever it was did make him feel comforted. He felt like one who had wandered long in the desert places of the Highlands where none went but wild creatures of magic. He felt thirsty after all his sobbing and wailing and was glad that those same loving hands gave him water to drink. Well, she'd commanded him to drink! He wouldn't have willfully disobeyed in any event. He just felt so very weak. He knew he'd gone a little bit Elsewhere --- just like he'd done when thinking about Jarael before, and now about Clair. These kinds of things always took their toll on him. He thanked God that it was AngelFyre that found him. She'd understand right away. She got him, and didn't Colin think of her as his best friend and sister?

His mind still reeled. He tried to recollect what had just happened. Mostly he could remember making his caoin for Liam. He hadn't done that before, and while it was usually the women who made the caoin, Colin would break that tradition and make his own. He remembered his sadness about Clair going to the ball with someone else, how he'd messed that up so badly the day before.

His heart ached so badly --- his Liam was gone and now Clair was with another. He felt like he'd messed both up so badly. Everything was dark. Tears welled up in his eyes again and someone opened his eyes. Right then left. He saw blurry pale yellow. Long blonde hair. He blinked his eyes to clear them. The face came into focus. Fyre Angel. What was wrong? For a moment she looked --- weird, like she'd seen something she didn't want to see.

Colin's first instinct was to smile. He found that indeed his head was in his best friend's lap and he jacket was covering him. "Hey, you. Glad to have you back amongst the land of the living," Colin winced. His eyes flashed --- not quite anger. She didn't know! But --- ouch! That really did hurt him. He knew she didn't mean any harm by it, but it did feel like she'd jabbed a knitting needle into his heart, and then immediately remove it while sealing the wound.

"I am so sorry, Colin. How? When?" His momentary anger dissipated. She knew. Angel Fyre. Of course she knew. How could she not lad? She's a seer. And even if his Seanmamó hadn't made it clear last summer, Colin had already suspected as much. There was something that marked AngelFyre as different from anyone else he knew. He sat up abruptly and turned to look his friend in the eyes.

The whole story came tumbling out like water breaking through a dam. Colin recounted the attacks that had occurred during the summer, the skirmishes at the old cottage and in the wild gardens. He and Liam fought side by side, himself in wolf shape, and how Liam brought down one attacker with some deft wand and knife work. But Liam was hit too! There was one wolf in particular that seemed intent on attacking Colin, but stood between them and bore the brunt of the wolf's rage. It was Moira, their older sister, who brought down the attacker.

Soon after, they found themselves rushed down to St. Mungo's. Colin's wounds were easily dealt with by the healers there, but Liam was not as fortunate. Colin told AngelFyre about the days at his brother's bedside, about venturing out into muggle London where he met with his housemate Monica, about the great broom race against Ravenclaw where he first noticed Clair Fernandez. He told her about how he really fell hard for Clair, but the joy he felt was always tempered by the sorrow over Liam. He wasn't getting any better. And no one would tell him anything.

He recounted the dread knowledge of Liam dying even before the owl from St. Mungo's arrived, how detached he felt and how he plunged into darkness as he read the words of the letter. He told her how he landed in some random compartment and a very kind first year helped to get him settled in a private compartment with Clair. He discovered there that Clair really had a kind of power --- there was something about her that got him through that first day. He told her all about the little stuff he'd done and new friends he'd met, especially Keith; the spin the bottle game and his first kiss with Athena; Dove's picnic; the duel and tickle fight with Dan; the Gryffindor prank with Alora; and the frog catching event where everything started to fall apart.

"And I messed everything up so badly! And now Clair has already found someone else to go to the ball with her! And Liam is dead, Fyre Angel! I couldn't save him! I should never have gotten onto the train!" Colin collapsed into AngelFyre's shoulder, hot tears flowing again. "He's dead and it's all my fault! Fyre Angel! I should have gone back!"

@AngelFyre McCubbin || Mentions @Clair Fernandez | @Keith Moore | @Athena McClenin | @Dove Peregrine

For the longest while, AngelFyre said nothing. The only sounds to be heard were the gentle rustlings of the breeze through the herbs and plants of the meadow and Colin's own ragged breathing and pitiful sobbing. Yet that place was not bereft of all comfort. Sometimes when one heart is torn in half, another might easily shore it up, if only they reached out and embraced the other.

No, it was not magic that brought healing, for no magic can heal the hurts Colin was experiencing. Some might think it a foolish or outdated idea, but what was true in ages past is still true, and that is that love truly does conquer all. From the foundation of the universe to the broken heart of a small boy, love is the balm the heals. And in this moment, whether she knew it in her mind or only in her heart, AngelFyre was applying that healing balm.

She spoke no words, for words were not needed. Love, true love, needs no words to be said. A touch, a look, an embrace. From mother to child, from lover to beloved, between best friends, it is so easily applied. And for that long while, AngelFyre was healer while Colin soaked in the healing grace. His body shivered and his mind reeled, but his heart felt enveloped and Colin felt loved.

When she did speak at last, it was words of gentle humour that met Colin's ears. Lupine snot bubbles. Those three words caught in Colin's mind as she handed him some tissues. Lupine snot bubbles? Where did she come up with that? Colin thought as he wiped his face. He couldn't help but smile, though weakly. His friend --- his sister --- had a way of combining a lightness of speech with whatever was needed in the moment, like tissues, that had an almost magical effect on whoever her ministrations were applied to.

Colin felt calmer, more stable now. He remembered feeling this way with Clair on the train. Both these girls had a curious effect on him, though in slightly different ways. Clair had used their shared pain and her own sense of humour to help him through that first day; and now AngelFyre was doing the same, only with her considerable store of wisdom.

And when she spoke at last in earnest, that wisdom was clear. He wondered where she'd got it from. In some ways this twelve year old girl reminded him so much of his seanmamó. Surely they must be drinking from the same fountain! As he heard her speak, he knew she was right, even if there were moments when he thought to rebel. A strong voice within him urged him not to hearken to AngelFyre, and his body tensed in response as she told him that Liam's death was in no way his fault.

How can it not be!? I could have healed him! I should have gone back! It whispered darker things as well, things that Colin did not want to hear. Who is this girl to tell you those things? You know the truth --- you should have gone back, as I told you. And now it is your fault your brother lies dead. That voice seemed almost real, and Colin nearly pulled away from AngelFyre, but she did not relent. No, she spoke of the waste of his spirit that would result from blaming himself. Who to believe, though? The voice gnawing in his heart, that seemed to speak brutal truth? Or the voice that sounded wise like his seanmamó, that seemed to speak plain truth?

As if in anticipation of AngelFyre's very words, a vision of Liam dying came to him, lying in the bed in St. Mungos, calling out to him. He was calling his brother a coward for turning away from him, for not turning back. He was blaming his brother for his predicament, even as AngelFyre was saying that would not be possible. And Colin knew, even though part of him still rejected the knowledge, that she was right. He would never blame Liam if their places had been reversed. In fact, he knew that, if given the opportunity, he and Liam would strive for the opportunity to die for the other, if it meant the other would live.

Again, Colin wondered where AngelFyre's wisdom came from. It so thoroughly and decisively contradicted the dark whisperings in his heart. She resounded with a kind of power that could drive away the darkness, like a light in a dim place. She spoke the truth. Liam and Colin did fight side by side. Warrior brothers they. They fought for each other and for their kin, indeed for everyone who opposed what their foes stood for. He knew in his heart that Liam did not regret what befell them. He knew, too, that just as Liam lived in his own heart, he, Colin, also lived in his twin's. She spoke the truth --- he was there with his brother. He knew what she said was true. Did he not fall at the very same moment his brother died? In the train, did not people see him crumpled on the floor? Did not the owl from St Mungos arrive several minutes later?

Colin looked deeply into AngelFyre's eyes. There was no deception there. Only compassion and truth. He nodded. He felt as is a darkness had lifted from his heart in that moment. Like an attack had been called off or a retreat sounded.

He didn't know whether AngelFyre could sense the change in him or not, and to be honest, Colin was still reeling from violent shifts going on within him. The sudden shock of changing focus from Liam to Clair actually awoke Colin with a start. Clair. She was another wound in his heart. And while AngelFyre was surely right about Liam, Colin was dead certain that he'd screwed everything up with Clair!

And before he could say or even think anything she launched right into the heart of the matter. And, as Colin was learning, AngelFyre got straight to the point about his love interest as she put it. Fret not. That's what she said. Colin was about to raise an objection, but he knew it would be useless. AngelFyre was relentless when she got going about something she believed to be true. He could only nod assent when she began her dissertation on Clair Fernandez.

It took a while for AngelFyre's words to sink in. He shouldn't worry about it because Clair actually said no to him!? What's that supposed to mean? But as she talked, it actually started to make sense! AngelFyre was talking so fast that it was hard to keep up with her! Wait. It hurt her to hurt me? Value that about her character? As Colin was drawn along behind, like a somewhat recalcitrant waggon, he began to understand. So, there wasn't really anyone else. Or at least not interested in Clair. But someone had asked her to go, maybe as friends? And she didn't break her promise to the other kid just because I asked.

Colin's brows furrowed in deep thought. He knew it would really suck to be dumped for someone else, if you'd been the first to ask. And it would also suck, really, to break the date with the person you originally said yes to, just because someone else asked. And even though it hurt to be rejected, yeah, he could see why she did it. And of course, AngelFyre was right --- Clair had done the right thing. It may not have helped with the immediate feeling, but Colin had to admit that he'd much rather be with a girl who would do the right thing at the right time.

It made Colin's heart swell in that moment with AngelFyre to know that he'd found a girl like Clair. That his own best friend could see this about Clair and so clearly explain it to him convinced him. Colin felt as if another darkness had lifted from him. He didn't exactly feel happy but the things AngelFyre said did help him to see the way more clearly.

Colin looked into AngelFyre's eyes again, only this time with more of his accustomed smile. "Y---you really are the best FyreAngel! You and Clair. You both have a way of getting me to see things straight again. I know you're right. About Liam. It's just I've been feeling so dark about it. Like there's always been this voice telling me it's my fault. That I could have done something to help him and should have gone back. But --- but what if that was a lie? What could I have done for Liam? What if I had gone back, when I should have come here?"

Colin shook his head slowly. "You're right about what if. It's just too much think about! It's hard enough, sometimes, trying to make sense of what's happening right now. And it's not like I go back and change anything, right? And even if I could, I'd just end up screwing that up too! And anyway, we've got so much to talk about. So many things have happened since we last saw each other!"

@AngelFyre McCubbin | @Clair Fernandez