19 Aug 2022, 03:27
Reparo
August 24th, 2022
Two months was all it had been. Less, even. All of July and most of August. But still, it was the longest that George had gone without talking to Jake since his first day at Hogwarts. It hadn't all been candy and sunshine, of course, but they'd gotten over their hiccups. On a good day, Jake could keep George engaged and distracted from anything that could bother him, and George could encourage his young protege when he needed that little extra push. Not now. All summer, he'd been getting the full stress of life - his family, broom racing, new friends - without a Jake to help him cope. Enough was enough.
On the encouragement of Jack Burnett, he had elected to deliver his apology by hand rather than sending Cadmus in to do his dirty work. After a small investigation, George was able to track down the birthday boy at camp. He walked up to Jake, barely able to force his legs to carry him forward. His heart was racing, his chest tight, and he felt about ready to collapse. But he had to be brave, he supposed. Neither of them could go on like this.
"Happy birthday," George croaked. His eyes were puffy and red, his voice hoarse and quiet. It was a side of him that he rarely revealed to Jake, even on the hardest days. It wasn't right for him to lean on Jake like that - it only worked the other way around. His arms extended out toward Jake, one half of his gift in each hand. In the left, there was an 'ultimate' box of crayons, with every color sold under the brand. It smelled like owl treats and had obviously been resealed. Opposite was the birthday card.
ReducioAn amateur artistic endeavor expressing George's regret. While he'd been told a picture was worth a thousand words, he was sure his portrait of Freddie was worth only one: "rubbish." The parchment it had been drawn on was crumpled and creased from having been folded and hastily stored in his pocket. Dark spots were dotted throughout the drawing from where his tears had hit the paper. It was truly a pathetic sight.
He couldn't bear to repeat the words he had written on the paper. Jake had to know he was sorry just from the state of him. There was no way he had to say it...
"It's every colour they make," George said softly, holding up the box of crayons as he explained it. "For your drawings."
"outlandishly gay for boys"
Stamina: 10 / Evasion: 12 / Strength: 3 / Wisdom: 13 / Arcane Power: 7 / Accuracy: 12 [color: #632d0b]
4 Sep 2022, 05:04
Reparo
@George Henry
Jake woke up on his fourteenth birthday feeling like he'd never felt so alone.
Last year, when he'd turned thirteen at camp, he'd wished he'd been at home with his family. This year, he didn't know WHERE he wanted to be. He knew he didn't want to be at camp, that was for sure. The only reason he'd even gone was because of the dueling activities. It was his job to help out, so he had. But he hadn't even liked doing camp things very much before. He'd only ever gone to camp to spend time with his friends. Now his best friend didn't even like him anymore, so what was the point of going?
Jake did have other friends, of course. But he hadn't really wanted to talk to them either. They were going to ask him what was wrong, like his parents had. He could have talked about it with people, and maybe he would have told them what happened. But if he told them that, he'd have to tell them the things that George had said. Then there'd be more people who knew it. And Jake couldn't bear to repeat it out loud.
He still remembered everything George had yelled at him. It repeated in his head often when he thought back to that day. He had managed to keep the tears in while George had been watching, and not so much after. But by the time he'd gotten home for the summer most of the tears had been gone. He'd just lay on his bed and drew and thought about it. His mum had spent the summer before camp trying to get him to talk to her, even though he'd said he didn't want to. She'd found out pretty quickly that the problem had to do with George, even though he hadn't told her. He didn't really know how she knew that part. But no matter how much he said he didn't want to talk about it she hadn't listened. It felt like she was never going to leave him alone. And every time she made him think about it it hurt all over again.
Not that he hadn't been thinking about it already. There had been times when he'd been able to distract himself, too. There were good days, of course. But then something would remind him of something he'd want to tell George about. Or something him, George, and Jack had done together. Or something he thought George would like. Then he'd remember, and that part didn't get easier. The worst part was when he was feeling sad, and the instinct came to tell George. Then he'd remember that it was George who had done it in the first place. And when, despite everything, he felt like he missed him. That was when Jake got angry. It just wasn't fair that he missed him. He KNEW George didn't miss him. His mum didn't get it. She thought if they just talked and said sorry it would get better. Maybe there was some stuff he wished he did different. Maybe sometimes he thought back with a small pang of guilt about throwing George's things on the floor... about lashing out. But then he thought of what George had said, and those feelings were dwarfed.
Still... even when he was angry... sometimes he couldn't help but wish he had a time machine to go back to when it had never happened at all.
Today, Jake was fourteen, which was REALLY a proper teenager, if thirteen hadn't counted yet. Of course, according to George he didn't even act like a teenager at all. Turning fourteen didn't feel like it was going to make any difference. He didn't feel any different, and he didn't look very different either. Maybe he was just never going to be like everybody else was. For the first time on his birthday he felt like he just wanted to be alone, which was sometimes the loneliest feeling you could have.
Jake was outside, and though the weather was pleasant and the birds were chirping it didn't do much for his mood. But as he walked along the tree-line, he stopped short at the sight of his ex-best-friend, the boy he'd been avoiding since getting to camp. His stomach twisted, and he looked to the side. Seeing a face so familiar drove up the raw emotions with a jolt. Jake was going to just look down at the ground and walk right past him, like he wasn't even there. But he saw something in George's eyes and stopped.
For a moment, Jake thought somebody had died. He hadn't really seen George look like THAT before. His eyes were red, like he'd been crying, and he looked shaky and unsure in a way the confident boy never did. "Wha...what happened?" Jake stammered meekly, despite himself. But George wished him...a happy birthday? And held out a giant box of crayons and a piece of paper.
The boy stared at the outstretched offerings. Did he even want them...? No. But while a month ago he may have just steeled his face and walked on by, telling George to keep them, enough time had gone by that, after a moment, he couldn't help but take them into his hands. Too much time had gone by to remain strong. He looked up at George's face with some suspicion, and the hints of other feelings that he couldn't have known how to name if he tried.
But George's voice was soft, and it disarmed him. It sounded so different from how George had sounded on that day, the voice Jake had expected to hear. So different from how he would have sounded... because being mad was the only way Jake knew how to not be sad. It was like there was a big wall between them, one that Jake was prepared to hold up for ages if he had to, but with George's quiet voice the first brick began to budge.
"Th-thanks, I guess..." Jake muttered, looking at it in his hands. He swallowed. "It's...it's kinda a kiddy gift though, right?" he said bitterly. The kind of thing you got Jake, but nobody else. The kind of thing he shouldn't even want, which was the thought that stopped him from wondering what colors were inside, remembering once more the talk they'd had that night. He put the box gingerly down next to him, handling it with care. Then, he opened up the parchment despite himself though he didn't want a card from George...another thing to remind him of a time when such a thing would be an exciting and pleasant surprise. He looked down at the message within.
"A cat...?" he mumbled, surprised. It looked like a cat. But after the surprise of a drawing from George, his eyes drifted up and saw the message. Jake felt suddenly cold, though he didn't know why, the foundations of his wall shaking once more. His eyes rose quietly and looked up at the bigger boy's. Jake's face was tentative, defensiveness still etched upon it, but within it his eyes questioned, something else breaking through, something vulnerable. 'Is it true?' his dark eyes seemed to search, the summer air seeming to change.
Jake woke up on his fourteenth birthday feeling like he'd never felt so alone.
Last year, when he'd turned thirteen at camp, he'd wished he'd been at home with his family. This year, he didn't know WHERE he wanted to be. He knew he didn't want to be at camp, that was for sure. The only reason he'd even gone was because of the dueling activities. It was his job to help out, so he had. But he hadn't even liked doing camp things very much before. He'd only ever gone to camp to spend time with his friends. Now his best friend didn't even like him anymore, so what was the point of going?
Jake did have other friends, of course. But he hadn't really wanted to talk to them either. They were going to ask him what was wrong, like his parents had. He could have talked about it with people, and maybe he would have told them what happened. But if he told them that, he'd have to tell them the things that George had said. Then there'd be more people who knew it. And Jake couldn't bear to repeat it out loud.
He still remembered everything George had yelled at him. It repeated in his head often when he thought back to that day. He had managed to keep the tears in while George had been watching, and not so much after. But by the time he'd gotten home for the summer most of the tears had been gone. He'd just lay on his bed and drew and thought about it. His mum had spent the summer before camp trying to get him to talk to her, even though he'd said he didn't want to. She'd found out pretty quickly that the problem had to do with George, even though he hadn't told her. He didn't really know how she knew that part. But no matter how much he said he didn't want to talk about it she hadn't listened. It felt like she was never going to leave him alone. And every time she made him think about it it hurt all over again.
Not that he hadn't been thinking about it already. There had been times when he'd been able to distract himself, too. There were good days, of course. But then something would remind him of something he'd want to tell George about. Or something him, George, and Jack had done together. Or something he thought George would like. Then he'd remember, and that part didn't get easier. The worst part was when he was feeling sad, and the instinct came to tell George. Then he'd remember that it was George who had done it in the first place. And when, despite everything, he felt like he missed him. That was when Jake got angry. It just wasn't fair that he missed him. He KNEW George didn't miss him. His mum didn't get it. She thought if they just talked and said sorry it would get better. Maybe there was some stuff he wished he did different. Maybe sometimes he thought back with a small pang of guilt about throwing George's things on the floor... about lashing out. But then he thought of what George had said, and those feelings were dwarfed.
Still... even when he was angry... sometimes he couldn't help but wish he had a time machine to go back to when it had never happened at all.
Today, Jake was fourteen, which was REALLY a proper teenager, if thirteen hadn't counted yet. Of course, according to George he didn't even act like a teenager at all. Turning fourteen didn't feel like it was going to make any difference. He didn't feel any different, and he didn't look very different either. Maybe he was just never going to be like everybody else was. For the first time on his birthday he felt like he just wanted to be alone, which was sometimes the loneliest feeling you could have.
Jake was outside, and though the weather was pleasant and the birds were chirping it didn't do much for his mood. But as he walked along the tree-line, he stopped short at the sight of his ex-best-friend, the boy he'd been avoiding since getting to camp. His stomach twisted, and he looked to the side. Seeing a face so familiar drove up the raw emotions with a jolt. Jake was going to just look down at the ground and walk right past him, like he wasn't even there. But he saw something in George's eyes and stopped.
For a moment, Jake thought somebody had died. He hadn't really seen George look like THAT before. His eyes were red, like he'd been crying, and he looked shaky and unsure in a way the confident boy never did. "Wha...what happened?" Jake stammered meekly, despite himself. But George wished him...a happy birthday? And held out a giant box of crayons and a piece of paper.
The boy stared at the outstretched offerings. Did he even want them...? No. But while a month ago he may have just steeled his face and walked on by, telling George to keep them, enough time had gone by that, after a moment, he couldn't help but take them into his hands. Too much time had gone by to remain strong. He looked up at George's face with some suspicion, and the hints of other feelings that he couldn't have known how to name if he tried.
But George's voice was soft, and it disarmed him. It sounded so different from how George had sounded on that day, the voice Jake had expected to hear. So different from how he would have sounded... because being mad was the only way Jake knew how to not be sad. It was like there was a big wall between them, one that Jake was prepared to hold up for ages if he had to, but with George's quiet voice the first brick began to budge.
"Th-thanks, I guess..." Jake muttered, looking at it in his hands. He swallowed. "It's...it's kinda a kiddy gift though, right?" he said bitterly. The kind of thing you got Jake, but nobody else. The kind of thing he shouldn't even want, which was the thought that stopped him from wondering what colors were inside, remembering once more the talk they'd had that night. He put the box gingerly down next to him, handling it with care. Then, he opened up the parchment despite himself though he didn't want a card from George...another thing to remind him of a time when such a thing would be an exciting and pleasant surprise. He looked down at the message within.
"A cat...?" he mumbled, surprised. It looked like a cat. But after the surprise of a drawing from George, his eyes drifted up and saw the message. Jake felt suddenly cold, though he didn't know why, the foundations of his wall shaking once more. His eyes rose quietly and looked up at the bigger boy's. Jake's face was tentative, defensiveness still etched upon it, but within it his eyes questioned, something else breaking through, something vulnerable. 'Is it true?' his dark eyes seemed to search, the summer air seeming to change.
4 Sep 2022, 05:24
Reparo
George took in a deep breath through his nose, letting it out in a long, shuddering exhale. "You got older. Happens every year," he said, unable to hide the scratchy quality in his voice. It felt like his throat was trying to squeeze shut when he spoke, but he didn't want to break down crying in front of Jake. Not completely, anyway. A couple tears might've softened up the boy's stony exterior... but if that dam broke, there would be no end to the waterworks. No, he just swallowed, shut his eyes, and blinked away the moisture as he waited for Jake to accept his gift.
He bit his lip hard when Jake mentioned that it was a kiddy gift. Yeah, it was. George did still think that Jake was kiddy, but he still missed his little friend all the same. Sometimes he did kiddy things, too. His mother liked to remind him of his age pretty much every day over the summer, whether it was because he'd gotten into a slap fight with his brother, or because he was making funny faces at babies in shops trying to scare them. His lower lip pinched between his incisors, the pain distracting him from how hard he had to try not to cry right now.
"You don't want it..." George said, his gaze falling down to the other boy's shoes. Of course not - George had ruined everything from their friendship to the crayons. How could he have been so stupid? Sometimes, there's nothing left to salvage, when you drive a wedge that far down between you and your 'brother'. He tried to sniffle slowly, so it would be quiet, only to make a quite horrible and gunky sound when he inhaled through his nose.
"Eugh," he grunted. Why did getting emotional have to be so uncomfortably physical, too?! He wished he were one of those paintings, like those of the grand stairwell, so he could just flee the frame and disappear - wait to cry until nobody was looking, particularly not Jake. What finally broke him and made the tears come was not a sob, but rather laughter, when Jake thought that the picture on the card was a cat. He couldn't help but giggle and smile, reaching up to wipe snot and tears into his shirt sleeve with his arm. "It's- it's not a cat, it's Freddie... but it's sort of rubbish... so I guess a cat is close enough."
Taking slow, deep breaths, George felt his lungs burning, the cool summer breeze making the tears on his cheeks feel like ice water. All he had to do was be brave for a minute, and he could fix it. Maybe. Jack said one of them had to. And he'd been brave for Jake before - what was one more minute of suffering if it meant everything could work out okay?
George could see the words, scrawled in dark crayon and projected in reverse on the other side of the parchment, reminding him of what he'd come out here to say. He did not deliver his apology gracefully, but rather he shook it out of himself and heaved his shoulders, hunching over slightly as he regurgitated the words to his bunk buddy. "I'm really, really sorry, Jake. I'm so, so, sorry... and I understand if you're still mad. I just wanted- I didn't forget your birthday, okay?"
He shrugged. That was all he'd written. The script ended there. After this, it was all improv. He reached up and tried to fix his hair where the wind had blown it out of place, his eyes wandering to the side as he avoided the steely gaze of Jake Morris, who suddenly seemed like the most powerful wizard in the world.
"...I guess I'll leave you alone now."
"outlandishly gay for boys"
Stamina: 10 / Evasion: 12 / Strength: 3 / Wisdom: 13 / Arcane Power: 7 / Accuracy: 12 [color: #632d0b]
4 Sep 2022, 06:26
Reparo
@George Henry
It wasn't until George's head fell when he said that Jake didn't want his gift, that Jake realized that all of the sadness surrounding George, the red eyes, the broken voice...that all of that was because of him.
He hadn't known what was wrong before, that it was HIM who would make him cry. He hadn't thought George had even cared. He knew George wasn't going to miss him, because he had told himself that, over and over when he had lay thinking of him. Because George had spoken with so much hate, that what could he ever miss him for? What would George want some annoying child around for? Someone who was infuriating?
But Jake had never seen George this way...and you couldn't fake that kind of thing.
He looked down at the picture again, the drawing, and saw the dark blots that had fallen over it. Was that from... crying? It was almost confusing - he'd been mad at himself for how much he had cried after what had happened, but... maybe it wasn't just him who had?
This realization softened Jake's face a little further, even as it confused him, but it wasn't until George's face broke into a laugh and he told Jake that the drawing was Freddie, and Jake looked down with surprise to see it was, that Jake's own face broke too.
He looked down again at what he had THOUGHT was a cat, but now he could see was a pointy-eared dog. And he felt the edges of his mouth start to lift, and he couldn't help himself, just a little. It felt like a betrayal to laugh, a betrayal of himself and his dignity and his hurt, and yet it felt so sweet all the same, so normal, that it could make him cry.
"Well, it's not SO bad..." he said, and then the grin hit his face. In one unguarded moment, he looked up at his friend, a flash of the way his face had used to look, back when things were normal. Just for a second, as a small giggle broke through. That was familiar too, since George could make him laugh more than anybody could. It lasted for just a moment, before the clouds came back to his face. That familiarity felt elusive, as distant as it was appealing... but maybe he did feel a little lighter. "You got his eyes right..." Jake offered quietly. He looked back up at George, the fleeting moment of normality having passed. He swallowed again. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what George was going to say. Then George did speak, and Jake wasn't ready for the words.
George said he was sorry, So, SO, sorry. He said he didn't want Jake to think he forgot his birthday. He remembered his birthday even though they hadn't been speaking. Jake felt a lump in his throat. It was words he didn't think he'd hear. Words that he didn't know how much he wanted to hear until he did. Words that were dangerous because of how much he did want to hear them. He felt frozen, staring uncertainly up at George, at the tears on George's cheeks. He could feel the prickle of tears wanting to enter his own eyes though he didn't know exactly why, it was just for everything. But he was so stunned that he just stared, as George turned to go. So stunned that he even let him take a step before some part of him felt the panicked jolt of what such a thing could mean, and what he was letting George walk away from.
"W-wait," Jake called after him, holding a hand out and taking a few steps forward. Coming closer this time than he had before.
"I..." his face distorted for a moment, screwing up with the effort to. say... well, anything. He had trusted George before, and been hurt. After that, he had spent so long building the wall that he didn't know he could take it down, and somehow it now seemed less of a shield, and more of a prison.
But when he looked up into George's face, though it was like he'd never seen him, he saw the face of his friend, the way he hadn't that day in the dorms. The one he'd missed, even if he hadn't wanted to.
Then words came. Hesitant, but they came.
"I'm sorry too... I... I don't want you to leave me alone..." he admitted softly, even as he wished he hadn't. Even if he wasn't sure it was true. "I... I got mad, but... but I don't want to be mad," he said. And that part he knew was true. He lowered his face, his eyes glistening. He didn't want to cry, even if George had, but he didn't think he was going to be able to help it. Still he couldn't just let him walk away...the part of him that had laughed at that drawing couldn't let that happen... no matter how mad he was, or hurt. No matter how much he wanted to push away. He'd had months to feel what that felt like.
"You really mean it...?" he asked, looking down at the card and finally back up at George. But George's face, his voice, it did more to make Jake believe than any words could.
It wasn't until George's head fell when he said that Jake didn't want his gift, that Jake realized that all of the sadness surrounding George, the red eyes, the broken voice...that all of that was because of him.
He hadn't known what was wrong before, that it was HIM who would make him cry. He hadn't thought George had even cared. He knew George wasn't going to miss him, because he had told himself that, over and over when he had lay thinking of him. Because George had spoken with so much hate, that what could he ever miss him for? What would George want some annoying child around for? Someone who was infuriating?
But Jake had never seen George this way...and you couldn't fake that kind of thing.
He looked down at the picture again, the drawing, and saw the dark blots that had fallen over it. Was that from... crying? It was almost confusing - he'd been mad at himself for how much he had cried after what had happened, but... maybe it wasn't just him who had?
This realization softened Jake's face a little further, even as it confused him, but it wasn't until George's face broke into a laugh and he told Jake that the drawing was Freddie, and Jake looked down with surprise to see it was, that Jake's own face broke too.
He looked down again at what he had THOUGHT was a cat, but now he could see was a pointy-eared dog. And he felt the edges of his mouth start to lift, and he couldn't help himself, just a little. It felt like a betrayal to laugh, a betrayal of himself and his dignity and his hurt, and yet it felt so sweet all the same, so normal, that it could make him cry.
"Well, it's not SO bad..." he said, and then the grin hit his face. In one unguarded moment, he looked up at his friend, a flash of the way his face had used to look, back when things were normal. Just for a second, as a small giggle broke through. That was familiar too, since George could make him laugh more than anybody could. It lasted for just a moment, before the clouds came back to his face. That familiarity felt elusive, as distant as it was appealing... but maybe he did feel a little lighter. "You got his eyes right..." Jake offered quietly. He looked back up at George, the fleeting moment of normality having passed. He swallowed again. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what George was going to say. Then George did speak, and Jake wasn't ready for the words.
George said he was sorry, So, SO, sorry. He said he didn't want Jake to think he forgot his birthday. He remembered his birthday even though they hadn't been speaking. Jake felt a lump in his throat. It was words he didn't think he'd hear. Words that he didn't know how much he wanted to hear until he did. Words that were dangerous because of how much he did want to hear them. He felt frozen, staring uncertainly up at George, at the tears on George's cheeks. He could feel the prickle of tears wanting to enter his own eyes though he didn't know exactly why, it was just for everything. But he was so stunned that he just stared, as George turned to go. So stunned that he even let him take a step before some part of him felt the panicked jolt of what such a thing could mean, and what he was letting George walk away from.
"W-wait," Jake called after him, holding a hand out and taking a few steps forward. Coming closer this time than he had before.
"I..." his face distorted for a moment, screwing up with the effort to. say... well, anything. He had trusted George before, and been hurt. After that, he had spent so long building the wall that he didn't know he could take it down, and somehow it now seemed less of a shield, and more of a prison.
But when he looked up into George's face, though it was like he'd never seen him, he saw the face of his friend, the way he hadn't that day in the dorms. The one he'd missed, even if he hadn't wanted to.
Then words came. Hesitant, but they came.
"I'm sorry too... I... I don't want you to leave me alone..." he admitted softly, even as he wished he hadn't. Even if he wasn't sure it was true. "I... I got mad, but... but I don't want to be mad," he said. And that part he knew was true. He lowered his face, his eyes glistening. He didn't want to cry, even if George had, but he didn't think he was going to be able to help it. Still he couldn't just let him walk away...the part of him that had laughed at that drawing couldn't let that happen... no matter how mad he was, or hurt. No matter how much he wanted to push away. He'd had months to feel what that felt like.
"You really mean it...?" he asked, looking down at the card and finally back up at George. But George's face, his voice, it did more to make Jake believe than any words could.
4 Sep 2022, 06:54
Reparo
George bit his lip and cleaned his hair up again, hoping the slight pain and self-grooming could help him cope with the faint glimmer of hope offered in Jake's laughter. It was only for a second - maybe he'd thought better of offering George a second chance, knowing how often he liked to waste them. But never had he made a misstep this egregious. He shrugged when he was offered a charitable appraisal of his picture of Freddie, which was, now that he looked at it, quite reminiscent of a cat. "I hoped so... his eyes are just black circles, so..."
It was a nice try. Almost. George was ready to turn and leave him to enjoy his birthday in peace, far away from the one who'd ruined his summer, but froze when the other boy told him to wait. He paused a moment, looking expectantly at Jake, who didn't seem to be able to say anything at all. George shrugged again. His eyes darted down to Jake's hand and then back to his face, unsure what he was meant to do with it.
Being under Jake's gaze for those long, silent seconds was withering. He turned his head away and covered up his face with his hand, trying to minimize how much Jake was able to see behind the curtain. A deep breath in, and out again, catching in his throat and coming out as a cough. George gritted his teeth in frustration at how difficult it was to conceal one's emotions when it mattered most.
Hearing Jake's apology, George shut his eyes tight and shook his head, revealing his face again. "No," George said, holding his hand out flat to refuse the apology, gently waving the other boy away as he got closer. He opened his eyes and saw that he'd made Jake cry again, and looked around, making sure that there was nobody watching the tearful reunion. The last thing either of them needed was to start fourth year labelled as crybabies, considering how much he'd tried to apply the label to Jake in the prior year. "You never even did anything. I found my diary after... sorry..."
George reached up and tried to push his hair into place again, though it already was in place, so all he ended up doing was messing it up too far in the other direction. He worried that admitting that would only make it worse - the whole basis for their blowout was just another mistake that George had made.
Verbalizing an apology was way harder than it seemed. George thought he must have been allergic to him, considering how 'I'm sorry' seemed to make his throat close up tight, making it impossible to talk, or breathe, and giving him such a pressure in his head that it was a wonder he did not explode. If Cadmus had delivered his little card, what would Jake have done? Just thrown it out? There would've been no way to confirm if he really meant it, and Cadmus didn't have enough sense to point out the tear stains on the paper before Jake threw the card away. Not that he would do it if he could, considering how strained the owl's relationship was with his owner.
George scrunched his nose up and furrowed his brow, shrugging again, holding his hands up as if it him 'meaning it' was the most obvious thing in the world. "Yeah?" George said. Duh? He thought this would be like ripping off a band-aid, but it felt more like getting stitches. The wound wasn't close to healed. Addressing it just made it hurt more. "Can we just- is it... can we...?"
It was very rare for George to struggle to find the right words, but he couldn't find any variation of 'can we get this over with' which felt tactful enough to deliver to Jake. Instead he just gestured his hands in a vague cycle in front of him, shuffling through every word in his vocabulary until he settled on just one he thought might work. "Hug?"
"outlandishly gay for boys"
Stamina: 10 / Evasion: 12 / Strength: 3 / Wisdom: 13 / Arcane Power: 7 / Accuracy: 12 [color: #632d0b]
4 Sep 2022, 22:24
Reparo
@George Henry
Jake knew then that George did mean it. He'd been wrong. He thought George hadn't cared, that he didn't like him anymore, that he was probably happy Jake was gone. But it wasn't true. He did care, even if he hadn't seemed like it.
He hadn't known that anything could make the anger go away, but looking at George now it started to. Jake knew what it was like to feel so bad about something you couldn't help but cry. His parents had used to look at each other at those times, and Jake hadn't understood why they'd said maybe he didn't need punishment after all, when he knew he deserved it. Now, looking at George, he thought that he didn't want him to hurt like that. There was a part of him that hadn't got the note, it seemed, that they weren't supposed to be friends anymore.
George didn't even take his apology, even though he had thrown his stuff on the ground, and called him names. He said he had found the diary after all, meaning Jake was right all along. But it wasn't that easy. The diary wasn't even really the important part. Jake had been mad about that part, yea, but it was the stuff that was said after that had stuck. The stuff that wasn't about lost diaries that had hurt the most.
Maybe Jake didn't do anything this time, but what about the next time he did? Did George always think the things he said, but just never say it?
But George wouldn't cry so much if he wasn't sorry...
Then came the next surprise, when words failed the both of them, George wanted to hug. Jake raised his head for a moment, with surprise. Huh...? He had always used to hug George, but the last few months George had started to avoid them (even though he had been happy to hug Alan). He had told himself it was nothing, but maybe it was the first sign something was wrong.
"Um, I..."
He didn't know if he wanted to hug George now. After his feelings had been hurt, after George wouldn't do it. Now George wanted to, even though he hadn't before, but now Jake had spent two months mad. And it only reminded him of what George had said. That he was a teenager who acted like a child. 'Why don't you pack up your little teddy bears and grow up?' was what George had said, and he didn't forget it. Now he wanted to hug Jake and make it better. If Jake let him, wasn't he just what George said?
"I guess so..." Jake said, with a sheepish shrug, as if to suggest he would do it if George wanted, he supposed, maybe. But after his show of reluctance, he cautiously walked to his friend and put his arms around him, same as he always had, and found out how much he had needed the hug after all.
It wasn't until he wrapped his arms around his friend that the sniffles got worse. Hugging George and being hugged was a safe and familiar feeling. A feeling of friendship that had been lost until now. There was a comfort in it, and that was when he started really crying. The baby kind of crying he'd been trying to stop doing. "Man...." Jake said bitterly under his breath when the tears came. He had been trying really hard to be better better at controlling his emotions, but this wasn't fair, it wasn't just a skinned knee or a bad grade or a lost toy, this was a big deal, if he wasn't allowed to cry at this what was he?
"I missed you..." he sniffled, leaning his head on the boy who had been more brother to him than friend since they were eleven. He had missed him, he knew that now, and could admit it when the anger could go away. He'd thought a lot of things but none of them were really true. He hadn't wanted any of this, and like their shared laughter, no matter what happened between them this still felt the same as it always had, the times when George had let him. He had wished he had a time machine to go back to when it had never happened again, and for a moment it felt like he had.
"I don't wanna fight anymore, please can we be friends again?" Jake asked softly. It was a birthday present he didn't even know he could ask for, even though there was still a part of him that was mad and hurt and it didn't just go away. But he so badly wanted it to....Because they hadn't just been friends, they'd been best friends, and it wasn't until he'd felt it that he knew just how much friendship could hurt to lose.
He held on for a little more than he needed to, partly because he didn't want George to see that he was crying (even though he knew that George had too), and partly because he hadn't wanted to let go. But when he finally did, and wiped at his eyes as subtly as possible, making a show of scratching his head, he couldn't help but blurt out what was on his mind.
"But why'd you say that stuff, if you didn't mean it...?" he asked. He didn't want to ask it. He winced. He knew the words were a mistake as soon as they left his mouth. His remaining worries had just popped out. He felt the regret right away... He was going to ruin everything. George wanted to be his friend again, he had said he was sorry, things could go back to the way they were before... But now Jake was going to start a fight. ANOTHER fight. Because... because he just wanted to know that they weren't true. To just make things normal, like the hug had been. To make his doubts and fears go away like George always had. More than anything, he wanted to trust.
Jake knew then that George did mean it. He'd been wrong. He thought George hadn't cared, that he didn't like him anymore, that he was probably happy Jake was gone. But it wasn't true. He did care, even if he hadn't seemed like it.
He hadn't known that anything could make the anger go away, but looking at George now it started to. Jake knew what it was like to feel so bad about something you couldn't help but cry. His parents had used to look at each other at those times, and Jake hadn't understood why they'd said maybe he didn't need punishment after all, when he knew he deserved it. Now, looking at George, he thought that he didn't want him to hurt like that. There was a part of him that hadn't got the note, it seemed, that they weren't supposed to be friends anymore.
George didn't even take his apology, even though he had thrown his stuff on the ground, and called him names. He said he had found the diary after all, meaning Jake was right all along. But it wasn't that easy. The diary wasn't even really the important part. Jake had been mad about that part, yea, but it was the stuff that was said after that had stuck. The stuff that wasn't about lost diaries that had hurt the most.
Maybe Jake didn't do anything this time, but what about the next time he did? Did George always think the things he said, but just never say it?
But George wouldn't cry so much if he wasn't sorry...
Then came the next surprise, when words failed the both of them, George wanted to hug. Jake raised his head for a moment, with surprise. Huh...? He had always used to hug George, but the last few months George had started to avoid them (even though he had been happy to hug Alan). He had told himself it was nothing, but maybe it was the first sign something was wrong.
"Um, I..."
He didn't know if he wanted to hug George now. After his feelings had been hurt, after George wouldn't do it. Now George wanted to, even though he hadn't before, but now Jake had spent two months mad. And it only reminded him of what George had said. That he was a teenager who acted like a child. 'Why don't you pack up your little teddy bears and grow up?' was what George had said, and he didn't forget it. Now he wanted to hug Jake and make it better. If Jake let him, wasn't he just what George said?
"I guess so..." Jake said, with a sheepish shrug, as if to suggest he would do it if George wanted, he supposed, maybe. But after his show of reluctance, he cautiously walked to his friend and put his arms around him, same as he always had, and found out how much he had needed the hug after all.
It wasn't until he wrapped his arms around his friend that the sniffles got worse. Hugging George and being hugged was a safe and familiar feeling. A feeling of friendship that had been lost until now. There was a comfort in it, and that was when he started really crying. The baby kind of crying he'd been trying to stop doing. "Man...." Jake said bitterly under his breath when the tears came. He had been trying really hard to be better better at controlling his emotions, but this wasn't fair, it wasn't just a skinned knee or a bad grade or a lost toy, this was a big deal, if he wasn't allowed to cry at this what was he?
"I missed you..." he sniffled, leaning his head on the boy who had been more brother to him than friend since they were eleven. He had missed him, he knew that now, and could admit it when the anger could go away. He'd thought a lot of things but none of them were really true. He hadn't wanted any of this, and like their shared laughter, no matter what happened between them this still felt the same as it always had, the times when George had let him. He had wished he had a time machine to go back to when it had never happened again, and for a moment it felt like he had.
"I don't wanna fight anymore, please can we be friends again?" Jake asked softly. It was a birthday present he didn't even know he could ask for, even though there was still a part of him that was mad and hurt and it didn't just go away. But he so badly wanted it to....Because they hadn't just been friends, they'd been best friends, and it wasn't until he'd felt it that he knew just how much friendship could hurt to lose.
He held on for a little more than he needed to, partly because he didn't want George to see that he was crying (even though he knew that George had too), and partly because he hadn't wanted to let go. But when he finally did, and wiped at his eyes as subtly as possible, making a show of scratching his head, he couldn't help but blurt out what was on his mind.
"But why'd you say that stuff, if you didn't mean it...?" he asked. He didn't want to ask it. He winced. He knew the words were a mistake as soon as they left his mouth. His remaining worries had just popped out. He felt the regret right away... He was going to ruin everything. George wanted to be his friend again, he had said he was sorry, things could go back to the way they were before... But now Jake was going to start a fight. ANOTHER fight. Because... because he just wanted to know that they weren't true. To just make things normal, like the hug had been. To make his doubts and fears go away like George always had. More than anything, he wanted to trust.
7 Sep 2022, 03:04
Reparo
George seized Jake in that hug like it was going to be their last, squishing him up against the taller boy's chest with enough force to squeeze the air out of him and leave him crumpled like an empty juice box if he weren't careful. He started crying too, his shoulders shaking as he rubbed a hand on Jake's back, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and clutching on tight. It had been a long time since he'd done this, by choice. It reminded him of bad times... but it was still what he was used to. He still missed it anyway.
"It's okay," George whimpered, starting to loosen up his grip on the smaller Hufflepuff. He sniffled, with another gross snort, and lifted one arm up to wipe his nose in his sleeve away from Jake. Jake could feel George's jaw clenching and shifting slightly against his temple, where George was holding him so tight again that the sniffling was a little loud in his ear. Barely audible, he whispered back, "I missed you too."
The taller of the two would not let go until he felt Jake moving to leave the hug, and even then, it would not happen for quite some time. It hadn't seemed to him like such a monumental waste of time to keep up his grudge against Jake until his birthday rolled around and George realized that if he kept it going, it was going to become permanent, and he'd have to go on through the rest of school estranged from everyone he'd ever counted as a brother.
"I wanna be friends," George said with an eager nod. He wanted to be best friends again, but knew that he'd be pushing his luck if he asked for that right off the bat. Even if he had once admitted he loved Jake, it was only because something was on fire. Without those kinds of extenuating circumstances, there was a certain pace of events that had to be respected for forging, or in this case repairing, a friendship.
When asked why he had said all of that stuff, George bowed his head, his eyes looking to the side as he felt the full volume of his shame washing over his shoulders. All he could think of was that he didn't know. That maybe he'd been cursed, possessed, mind-controlled or impersonated so well that it was actually a stranger who said those things, because the George standing here right now would have never, ever said any of that.
But that wasn't true. He'd thought of all that stuff and said it right to Jake's face. Some of it he'd even thought of in advance. And he smiled when he said it, and it had felt good, too... George wished he had a time machine, so he could go back and kill whatever version of him that was, and instead ride the train home with Jake instead of June Selwyn of all people. Like he always did. And when he got off the train and went back into London, he could wave at Jake's parents and go off with his, instead of skulking off on his own to spend the night in his dad's crappy apartment.
His lip trembled, but the words wouldn't come out. Not when he was staring right into Jake's teary puppy-dog eyes. So he covered up his eyes with one hand, so it was just dark, and pretended like he was talking to his diary. "I..." he said, finding that just one word, one letter, took all of the breath out of him. He leaned back as he took in a long breath - peeking out between his fingers to make sure nobody was watching them, still, before closing them again - and blew out a sharp exhale. He bounced a bit on his toes as he psyched himself up for the opposite of an apology.
"I... I... you can be kind of... annoying, sometimes," George admitted, barely choking out the word. Everything was ruined again, and now he'd have to wait a whole other year, and find out which crayon companies sold colors which didn't exist, because he'd already given him all the ones that did. That was, if this whole thing would even work a second time. What was he gonna tell Jack Burnett? I went to apologize and called him annoying again? "But- but I can be a jerk sometimes. It's only sometimes."
The (slightly) older boy slid his hand down from his eyes, covering his mouth for a moment to finally look Jake in the eye as he spoke - though it was now muffled. "And I think I am a bully," he said softly, sniffling and pulling his hand away like he was ripping away a bandage. "I used to not have a lot of friends in school- before Hogwarts- 'cause I wasn't... I wasn't nice... I never told you because I thought you wouldn't like me anymore."
He shrugged. He'd finally come clean with his little friend about what a monster he really was - not that Jake needed any reminding of it. Maybe this was the best way things could have ended... but he desperately, selfishly wanted to keep being friends. There had to be some way they could still be together after all this.
"But if... if you can let me be a jerk sometimes, and you can be annoying sometimes, then... we can still be friends." This felt awfully transactional. A real friend would probably just drop out of Hogwarts... but George had never been a very good Hufflepuff. Nobody else ever made mistakes this big with their friends. He had calmed down with all the thinking - but he was getting emotional now, and his shoulders slumped as he sputtered out his final plea. "You're my best friend."
"outlandishly gay for boys"
Stamina: 10 / Evasion: 12 / Strength: 3 / Wisdom: 13 / Arcane Power: 7 / Accuracy: 12 [color: #632d0b]
21 Nov 2022, 05:15
Reparo
George squeezed him so tightly he was liable to break, but Jake didn't mind. It was familiar, and though he wouldn't admit it, he didn't want the bigger boy to let go. He didn't know what it made him, but he was crying and he wanted his friend. He supposed he had wanted him for a while, even as much as he had been angry and hurt. Because George was his friend, or he always had been, and it was only now he knew that George didn't want that to change. They had shared so much with each other always. Now with George's hand on his back, it only coaxed the tears out faster, teased with a feeling of safety and security that had been gone. Not just a feeling of protection, but the security of friendship and love. He could feel George's body shaking too, and he knew George was crying again too, and it was the only thing that made it ok that he had lost the battle to his own tears. And even though there was so much that wasn't ok, when George said that he had missed him too, for a moment it felt like it could be.
It shouldn't have been ok, Jake knew...it shouldn't be so easy. The anger he had felt shouldn't be made better by just hearing those words. Words were hollow and they didn't mean anything by themselves. They couldn't erase the past, even if some piece of him wanted to just believe them and be done with it. For everything that had happened to just go away.
As he finally made moves to disconnect the hug, George held on a little while longer, and Jake felt happy he did cause part of him still didn't want to let go. As he tried to subtly wipe away the signs of his bawling, George answered his vulnerable plea with the words he'd wanted to hear. He wanted to be friends again too...
Once again Jake was embarrassed how easily the words made him feel better. HE was the one that was mad, after all. But it was like he'd said...he didn't want to fight anymore. He didn't want to be mad. He just wanted their friendship back. And just hearing that...that George missed him...that he wanted to be friends again too...a part of him soared. But wounds couldn't just be patched up like that, or just shoved under a bed to be cleaned up later. It wasn't so easy...not exactly...and that's why he had asked. Why he'd been unable to just sit still and let it be without wanting to know why. Wanting to be able to trust and believe again, like he'd once did. And though he regretted the words instantly they were out there in the world and there was nothing he could do about it but wait. Wait with his stomach twisting, to see and hope that somehow George could say something to make it better for real.
What he got instead hit like a sharp stab to the gut. His face fell and his stomach sank as he realized that he was right. That George really HAD thought it all along, and perhaps it was a good thing that George had covered his eyes and couldn't see the look in his.
But George didn't just stop there. He went on to say something that Jake didn't think he ever had. That he COULD be a jerk. Sometimes. But only sometimes.
Jake squinted through blurry eyes despite himself, trying to figure out what he meant. But what he got wasn't an explanation, it was a confession. And though George had said that Jake hadn't done anything, when he saw George's face after he said it, Jake thought that maybe he had done something after all.
"I don't think you're a bully..." he said quietly. He maybe had meant it when he said it. He had been mad, he had been hurt, and George had been mean. But he wouldn't have been George's friend if he really was one. He hadn't known about George's past, or what things had been like at muggle school. George didn't talk about what it was like at school before being a wizard very much, since he didn't really like having been a muggle. Or at least Jake had thought that was why before. But he knew George now...probably better than a lot of people did. Jake wiped at his eyes once more in the silence.
"I um...I didn't know you back then, but..."
He thought for a moment before talking. Sometimes he needed to think to know what he wanted to say. Sometimes it seemed like the right thing was there floating out in space somewhere, and the frustrating part was that he knew someone could say it if they just had all the right words, but he just didn't know them. Sometimes he took his time then to try and find them.
"I knew a lot of bullies and none of them ever said they were sorry. When you do, and you really mean it, maybe it means you're not a bully anymore." The only one who had ever apologized to him at school was Howard, and it had given Jake so many questions about what Jack Burnett had once taught him about why bullies didn't or couldn't apologize. Jake had told Jack back then that he didn't understand. That if a bully had just apologized he would forgive them. Howard had then put that to the test. But what made somebody a bully really?
"I don't think you're a bully cause...you don't like hurting people. " George HAD hurt his feelings before over the years, and sometimes they'd argued, and Jake had cried (well, it had never taken too much for that to happen). But when it had REALLY hurt deep, George had seemed to know it. And through it all, Jake had known that George didn't really want to hurt him. "I didn't have friends before either... but we're different now, right? We both changed a lot..." He looked down. He hoped that was true at least. Sometimes he felt like he'd never change, but when he really thought back to his time before Hogwarts he realized how different he truly was.
But he wasn't perfect, just like George wasn't. And maybe that was what George was trying to say...? Jake kept his head down for a moment deep in thought, as George gave his proposal. "So...so it's okay to be annoying sometimes?" he asked, still a little confused by his friend's puzzling words.
But maybe it was ok. He had never called George a jerk like that before. But how many times had George hurt his feelings over the years? But he'd forgiven him in the end, hadn't he? Because he knew that when it really came down to it, George had his back (and would never let anybody else say a thing like that to him). And because he knew that George hadn't meant it - not really. And because, what had George said? 'It's only sometimes'. This time had been different because it had felt like he had meant it. Because even at its worst George had never been THAT mean. And because it wasn't so much what he said, but how he said it.
But he knew George wasn't PERFECT, just like Jack wasn't, and well, none of his friends were REALLY. And he still loved them all anyway didn't he? Maybe he didn't have to be perfect either. Maybe it was ok if George got annoyed sometimes, just like he got mad sometimes. After all, it was only sometimes. And finally, Jake realized what he thought George had been trying to say a moment ago. He had only heard annoying but maybe the important word was sometimes. When he got mad at his friends, it didn't mean that he was going to stop being their friend, right? So why couldn't it be both ways? Maybe it was ok for them to mess up, and still love each other anyway.
Maybe it was ok to be friends where you're allowed to get mad at each other sometimes, and know that you can still be friends. Maybe it was even better that way...
And if he knew George would be a jerk only sometimes, and if George agreed that it was ok if Jake was annoying sometimes too, maybe they could both forgive each other. In some ways, maybe it was a relief, because maybe this was a deal they could keep, and because it meant that even if he did mess up, they could still be friends. That George would still like him, even with the parts of him that weren't perfect.
"I think I can do that...if you can," Jake said softly, looking up again. "You're my best friend too..." he said. He didn't understand why but something in what George had said had truly made him feel a weight had lifted, and this time he was able to say it without any reservation. "Sometimes I think it's like maybe what it feels like to have a brother."
He felt a little silly as soon as he said it, since of course he had no IDEA what it felt like to have a brother, and George did, since he already had one. But he did feel like it all the same, and he supposed he had for a very long time, for George and Jack both. He'd been thinking of them that way for years. He knew that you didn't have to be actually related to somebody to have brothers. And well they DID all live together in the Scamander dorm, didn't they? People called each other brothers in stories all the times. Sometimes they were blood brothers, where they actually swapped blood first, but that just sounded kind of gross and maybe kind of overkill. He didn't think the blood part was really the important part of it.
It shouldn't have been ok, Jake knew...it shouldn't be so easy. The anger he had felt shouldn't be made better by just hearing those words. Words were hollow and they didn't mean anything by themselves. They couldn't erase the past, even if some piece of him wanted to just believe them and be done with it. For everything that had happened to just go away.
As he finally made moves to disconnect the hug, George held on a little while longer, and Jake felt happy he did cause part of him still didn't want to let go. As he tried to subtly wipe away the signs of his bawling, George answered his vulnerable plea with the words he'd wanted to hear. He wanted to be friends again too...
Once again Jake was embarrassed how easily the words made him feel better. HE was the one that was mad, after all. But it was like he'd said...he didn't want to fight anymore. He didn't want to be mad. He just wanted their friendship back. And just hearing that...that George missed him...that he wanted to be friends again too...a part of him soared. But wounds couldn't just be patched up like that, or just shoved under a bed to be cleaned up later. It wasn't so easy...not exactly...and that's why he had asked. Why he'd been unable to just sit still and let it be without wanting to know why. Wanting to be able to trust and believe again, like he'd once did. And though he regretted the words instantly they were out there in the world and there was nothing he could do about it but wait. Wait with his stomach twisting, to see and hope that somehow George could say something to make it better for real.
What he got instead hit like a sharp stab to the gut. His face fell and his stomach sank as he realized that he was right. That George really HAD thought it all along, and perhaps it was a good thing that George had covered his eyes and couldn't see the look in his.
But George didn't just stop there. He went on to say something that Jake didn't think he ever had. That he COULD be a jerk. Sometimes. But only sometimes.
Jake squinted through blurry eyes despite himself, trying to figure out what he meant. But what he got wasn't an explanation, it was a confession. And though George had said that Jake hadn't done anything, when he saw George's face after he said it, Jake thought that maybe he had done something after all.
"I don't think you're a bully..." he said quietly. He maybe had meant it when he said it. He had been mad, he had been hurt, and George had been mean. But he wouldn't have been George's friend if he really was one. He hadn't known about George's past, or what things had been like at muggle school. George didn't talk about what it was like at school before being a wizard very much, since he didn't really like having been a muggle. Or at least Jake had thought that was why before. But he knew George now...probably better than a lot of people did. Jake wiped at his eyes once more in the silence.
"I um...I didn't know you back then, but..."
He thought for a moment before talking. Sometimes he needed to think to know what he wanted to say. Sometimes it seemed like the right thing was there floating out in space somewhere, and the frustrating part was that he knew someone could say it if they just had all the right words, but he just didn't know them. Sometimes he took his time then to try and find them.
"I knew a lot of bullies and none of them ever said they were sorry. When you do, and you really mean it, maybe it means you're not a bully anymore." The only one who had ever apologized to him at school was Howard, and it had given Jake so many questions about what Jack Burnett had once taught him about why bullies didn't or couldn't apologize. Jake had told Jack back then that he didn't understand. That if a bully had just apologized he would forgive them. Howard had then put that to the test. But what made somebody a bully really?
"I don't think you're a bully cause...you don't like hurting people. " George HAD hurt his feelings before over the years, and sometimes they'd argued, and Jake had cried (well, it had never taken too much for that to happen). But when it had REALLY hurt deep, George had seemed to know it. And through it all, Jake had known that George didn't really want to hurt him. "I didn't have friends before either... but we're different now, right? We both changed a lot..." He looked down. He hoped that was true at least. Sometimes he felt like he'd never change, but when he really thought back to his time before Hogwarts he realized how different he truly was.
But he wasn't perfect, just like George wasn't. And maybe that was what George was trying to say...? Jake kept his head down for a moment deep in thought, as George gave his proposal. "So...so it's okay to be annoying sometimes?" he asked, still a little confused by his friend's puzzling words.
But maybe it was ok. He had never called George a jerk like that before. But how many times had George hurt his feelings over the years? But he'd forgiven him in the end, hadn't he? Because he knew that when it really came down to it, George had his back (and would never let anybody else say a thing like that to him). And because he knew that George hadn't meant it - not really. And because, what had George said? 'It's only sometimes'. This time had been different because it had felt like he had meant it. Because even at its worst George had never been THAT mean. And because it wasn't so much what he said, but how he said it.
But he knew George wasn't PERFECT, just like Jack wasn't, and well, none of his friends were REALLY. And he still loved them all anyway didn't he? Maybe he didn't have to be perfect either. Maybe it was ok if George got annoyed sometimes, just like he got mad sometimes. After all, it was only sometimes. And finally, Jake realized what he thought George had been trying to say a moment ago. He had only heard annoying but maybe the important word was sometimes. When he got mad at his friends, it didn't mean that he was going to stop being their friend, right? So why couldn't it be both ways? Maybe it was ok for them to mess up, and still love each other anyway.
Maybe it was ok to be friends where you're allowed to get mad at each other sometimes, and know that you can still be friends. Maybe it was even better that way...
And if he knew George would be a jerk only sometimes, and if George agreed that it was ok if Jake was annoying sometimes too, maybe they could both forgive each other. In some ways, maybe it was a relief, because maybe this was a deal they could keep, and because it meant that even if he did mess up, they could still be friends. That George would still like him, even with the parts of him that weren't perfect.
"I think I can do that...if you can," Jake said softly, looking up again. "You're my best friend too..." he said. He didn't understand why but something in what George had said had truly made him feel a weight had lifted, and this time he was able to say it without any reservation. "Sometimes I think it's like maybe what it feels like to have a brother."
He felt a little silly as soon as he said it, since of course he had no IDEA what it felt like to have a brother, and George did, since he already had one. But he did feel like it all the same, and he supposed he had for a very long time, for George and Jack both. He'd been thinking of them that way for years. He knew that you didn't have to be actually related to somebody to have brothers. And well they DID all live together in the Scamander dorm, didn't they? People called each other brothers in stories all the times. Sometimes they were blood brothers, where they actually swapped blood first, but that just sounded kind of gross and maybe kind of overkill. He didn't think the blood part was really the important part of it.
4 Dec 2022, 22:41
Reparo
"Okay," George said softly, at Jake disagreed with his self-assessment as a bully. He did not agree with Jake's thoughts on the matter. But Jake was always nicer than him, and more merciful in all circumstances. This was no exception. Even if he were a bully, Jake would not be able to agree with him, on principle. But the more optimistic side of George wanted to believe this was a point of his favor, another reason to sit still and wait for Jake's judgement to rain down upon him and determine if they were still friends or if George was condemned to be a friendless jerk for eternity.
The older boy nodded slightly. Jake had not known him. Thankfully. Maybe they would have already had this conversation if they had grown up together... or maybe George would have been one of the kids that Jake's magic protected him from the first time it surfaced. What a charm that would have been. Too bad there was no spell to repel phony friends so that Jake could have been saved the trouble.
George normally rushed Jake along through his thoughts, finishing his sentences, pulling him along to his next point so that George could volley back with his own. In this instance, George was content to wait for Jake to organize himself. He was too tired to keep crying, his chest sore from all the heaving he'd been doing over the last day and a half.
"I don't," George agreed readily, though it felt like a lie. Sometimes he liked it when people he didn't like were hurt, but never anything so serious. Like how you'd be satisfied if someone tripped after they cut you in line, but you didn't want them to get hit by a train or anything. George had only meant to trip Jake up for being annoying, but instead he'd hit him with a full train of insults and abuse that were anything but earned. "...Well, we've both got friends now... you're making us sound like losers."
A hoarse sound like a laugh on its last legs dragged itself out of George, who scrunched his face up in regret. He never knew when not to laugh until he had done it. Not as patient as Jake, George scrambled to ready his words, pushing his thoughts out of his mouth as fast as they came to him. "Yeah," he said. It was fine if Jake was annoying... but he wasn't really annoying, even if he could be annoying sometimes. He wanted to make sure his friend knew that. "But- you're- it's- you're not... it's... I don't think you're... annoying in general... I like you. I don't- you don't- do you think- sorry."
George felt like he tore down his relationships with much more ease than they were built. That was a very cruel twist. It was so hard to make good friends, and so incredibly easy to lose them. In the moment, it can even be fun. But despite his natural inclinations toward burning every bridge he came across, he still wanted to have friends. George cursed his stupid, needy, Hufflepuff heart as he sighed again, feeling tears well in his eyes as Jake agreed to the proposal. Not a do-over, entirely, just a renegotiation of terms that allowed for some friendship-ending fights to occur without ending the friendship.
"I can," George promised, reaching out like he was going to hug Jake again only to draw his hands back to his chest quickly. Not ideal to overwhelm him with affection so soon, lest he tire of it. At the comment on brotherhood, George laughed again and nodded. Having a brother was an incredibly painful thing that you really learned to love just because it was more pleasant to love it than to tolerate it. Like when you've got a mouse living in your house, and you can't get rid of it, so you give it a name so it feels more like a friend than a nuisance. "Yeah, it's like this."
He glanced off to the side, looking out over the campgrounds. He hadn't been very nice to his brother the last time they met... but if George could do his big brother duty and apologize to Jake, then surely Sam owed him the same thing. "I think we're like brothers. My mom said so," George said, nodding. His mom's divine authority was basically good enough to make whatever she said true. She was a teacher!
With that unpleasant conversation settling, George swallowed and reached up to rub his neck, feeling a lump in his throat that would not disappear. A final sniffle cleared his nostrils, and he blinked a few times, feeling comfortable that there were no tears falling from his eyes any more. It was the first time in so long that he'd thought of doing something other than arguing with or apologizing to Jake. "Do you think they'll give us birthday cake if we ask for it?"
"outlandishly gay for boys"
Stamina: 10 / Evasion: 12 / Strength: 3 / Wisdom: 13 / Arcane Power: 7 / Accuracy: 12 [color: #632d0b]