"That's right. Keep holding that plank." My arms are crossed as I look over my charges.
"Get your rear out of the air. Body in a straight line from your head to your toes... GET THE F*** OFF YOUR KNEES!" I boom at one of them, my face quickly turning dangerous. In a fluid movement, I went from standing at relaxed regard to throwing myself on the ground next to the struggling person and entering a plank position myself.
"GET YOUR KNEES OFF THE GODDAMN GROUND! IT ISN'T HARD, SEE?! GOD-DAMN!" I scream in their face.
"IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN TOO! SHIT! F***!"
I jump to my feet, my face now pink from shouting and windchill. Dinner chow would be in a few more hours. I had worked them rather like dogs the entirety of the day, and to be completely honest... They deserved it too.
"OKAY! THAT'S IT! SINCE YOU CAN'T KEEP YOUR KNEES OFF THE GROUND AND YOUR ARSES ARE WAGGING IN THE F***ING AIR, START PUSHING THE GROUND, DAMMIT!" I continue to shout at my team, now pacing back and forth like a caged tiger as I watch the various levels of struggle among them. No doubt by this point in time they have begun to at least grumble among themselves, if not quarrel and bicker harshly. Good. Let them fight and maintain order on their own. I'm just here to whip them into fighting shape, it's their job to fins at least a modicum of respect for one another and begin to work as a seamless unit.
"DOWN! UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN! ... I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD PUSH UP AGAIN, DID I?! STAY THE F*** DOWN! RIGHT WHERE YOU GODDAMN BELONG!" I let them rest in the lowered pushup position, drinking in the silent or not so silent complaints before releasing them from their purgatory.
"RIGHT! Get on your feet. What a sorry lot..." I growl under my breath, wiping away spit that had begun to freeze on my face from the force of shouting. My throat is already mildly sore, but I know how to handle my diaphragm to negate the worst of the damages.
"No wonder that ragtag, four-piece, house-swapping, min-maxing, sorry excuse for an school, Hogwarts has beaten our asses for the past two years." I snort to myself.
"Too much change in leadership and team makeup, too many tactics and plays for all pf you to keep straight in the oyster you call a skull. Well, I'm going to crack it open today like a sandpiper and fill it up right so that you don't become a pattern of losers. Three times makes a goddamn pattern, after all..." Despite myself, I hear my twin's harsh words echoing in tandem with the last sentence's sentiment.
"We aren't going to be the pattern. We're going to be the f***ing exception. Gather round, but not too close that I'll suffocate on your body odors. I will throw hands to clear the air around me if I have to."
With that in place, and with the team closing around me in their comfortable fashions... I begin to divulge the plans that Schnell and I had worked so hard to innovate and hoped to soon employ against the Scottish school.
"... and the gold becomes Durmstrang's. Permanently. I'm not going to let any of you let it slip away, I promise you that, so don't f***ing disappoint me, hm?" I fix everyone with a electric blue glare.
"Craziest part of this is that it can all happen so long as you boneheads work together." I specifically let my gaze linger on Charlie and Johan. I planned on forcing them to work together.
"You all know what the "Prisoner's Dilemma" is, I hope." I say, furrowing my brow as I lightly run my thumb over my lips thoughtfully. I arc an eyebrow.
"It's a social experiment which portrays how people are likely to not cooperate when acting in their self-interests. Something that we simply cannot have on this team... Yet it is still something I fully expect from each one of you as an individual who sees the game from a different perspective. You need to use what little brains you have in order to make good on your plays that we decide. That requires the need to undermine your own teammates sometimes. Chasers, I'm looking at you." Lysander, Madhup, and Charlie.
"Snatch that damn Quaffle out of each other's hands if it means you beat out the opposition."
6 players, 3 pairings.
"Stavrou, you are with Olsen. Oberoi, Hexum." I smirk at the last two.
"That means that Alluring will be attempting to allure Sauer. Just try not to get too bent on your love language of physical touch , okay?" I jibe at their expenses.
With not much more to explain, I encourage them to perform their little playthroughs of their personal prisoner dilemmas.
"You will be trust falling into each other. But! Like anything, there is a catch. You are all going to do 14 burpees for every fall iteration. If you catch your partner, you will only do 1 repetition each. If you let the other person fall, they alone will do the 14 reps. If the person refuses to fall, you will split the burpees 7 and 7. If the person who is supposed to fall catches themselves before you catch them, you will do 14 burpees alone." I glance around at the group curiously, already placing a mental bet in my mind as to who will let who drop and who really trusts their partner.
"Figure out who will catch and who will fall. After you fall the first time, switch with your partner. BREAK!"
Clapping my hands once, I back away from the fray, crossing my arms as I mean up against a nearby silver birch.
Time to watch some bodies hit the ground.
