To Sleep Willfully PV Selim Faust Closed

Selim Text Color: #4d0f25
Aku Text Color: #614f6d

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be."
- William Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'

Selim had helped the injured to the hospital wing, seeing as how he was somehow wholly unscathed during the chaos of the fall ball, also seeing as how he caused one of the injuries amongst the injured as well.

When he had brought the injured to the medical center though, he had immediately disappeared, changing into dry cloths and switching out his rabbit skull mask for his usual leather one. After all, he didn't fancy catching hypothermia or inviting more sicknesses into his lungs for a spot of tea.

Afterwards, though, he did return, beginning to assist in any way he could, using the 'primitive' muggle medical knowledge he knew. After all, it had been proven to him multiple times during the ball that his already-erratic spell casting capabilities had no place in a facility of healing.

After some long hours of assisting though, he took it upon himself to have a break, his constantly-exhausted frame barely keeping up with the flurry of activity. So, he ended up slumped in a chair, probably looking as exhausted as he felt. His scarred left hand was sore, swiftly becoming stiffer at a quicker rate than his largely-unblemished right hand. Eventually, the appendage became uncomfortably clammy so he decided to unravel the usual bandages he kept on it to conceal the unpleasant mottling of scar tissue. Just another reminder of why the events of last year should've never happened.

The nurse worked rather relentlessly from then on with the assistance of a few others to ensure everyone was as stable and comfortable as they could be. The third-year envied how the man could run on actual energy, and not constantly draw off the dwindling fumes that kept his husk of a body moving.

That's what good sleep did, it seemed.

Eventually, though, Mr. Brumby approached him, and the words that came from him made the boy freeze once more, a blend of emotions briefly paralyzing him as he heard that name again... 'Hisoka'.

He was offered tea, and after shaking himself out of his brief haze, the boy nodded. "Ah.. yes, I never pass up tea." He hesitantly responded, still feeling a crawling sensation of paranoia whenever he was in the presence of adults, much less when they talked to them as if he expected them to lash out at him for speaking out of turn or some such.

Ridiculous. Expected. Unwanted. He needed to shed that fear, he had made progress in doing so, but it still scratched at the corners of his exhaustion-frayed headspace. Honestly, it was starting to become hazy, why he even had the fear in the first place. Probably something related to his birth-family...

No, no need to dwell on it.

Grabbing his chair, he dragged it over to the desk before sitting on it once again, feet on the seat so his knees were pressed up against his chest. A rather closed-off body language overall, but he still felt a bit of a chill, and if felt more comfortable as well.

Idly, his eyes glided over the paper, his gaze nearly completely hidden within the shadows of his mask, though the light of the burner did pierce a bit of the darkness, revelling that familiar pale yellow. He had switched to his normal contact lenses, though honestly had been tempted to just return to the hospital wing without them, with such a hassle they were.

Frown slightly turning down his lips, he finally spoke up about the subject gnawing at his brain

"Nurse Brumby... where, or when exactly did you hear the name... 'Hisoka'? ...I go by Selim Faust." He grimaced, his 'true name' falling off of his tongue like a wad of biting centipedes. It churned his gut, and he tensed slightly, mind illogically expecting for his birth father to drag him straight back to the compound to be 'disciplined' for speaking his true name at school.

But... well... he didn't. Of course he didn't, the reaction the expectation were all born of a scared little child's mind and nothing more. Still, though, it felt like a knife was stabbing into his chest.

Wearily he let his masked visage be propped up on his palms, rubbing as if trying to knead some sour emotion out of his skin, despite him, well, not actually touching his skin.

How idiotic, he even feared his 'clan' name. So much fear now seeming so illogical to him yet not preventing him from still feeling the terror eat at his gut. Would it ever come to an end?

When Hisoka agreed, he'd receive one of Kelsey's toothy grins, as he was always glad when anyone agreed to spend time with him. He was a people person, almost a necessity for his job, even though his enthusiasm was often more obnoxious than it was welcome. For all the different kinds of people he had met in his life, from different lifestyles, cultures, and creeds, he had never met someone he instantly disliked. Everyone had as much chance as the next to get on his bad side, though rarely did anyone make it there. He enjoyed life too much, even its tragedies and disparity, as each person was unique because of it. He'd never get bored so long as people continued to tolerate his company for a cup of tea.

As the boy crawled into his chair and watched him start the process of making the tea, Brumby would reach into his drawer nearby where he kept the potion bottles filled with a massive variety of teas from around the world. He usually picked them at random, but this time he grabbed the chamomile, hoping it might help Hisoka become a bit sleepier. As he was loading up the infused with the whole leaves though, he was given a quiet question from beneath the leather mask he wore, one that puzzled the nurse, which would be shown quite visibly on on overly-puzzled face he'd wear.

"Wha-?" He'd squawk, looking around as if his confusion would be remedied by something in the vicinity. "That was the name I was told by the prefect who saved you when y'first came here. Y'were half gone, sick with pneumonia."

It wouldn't be too irregular for someone that ill to be delusional or say things they wouldn't normally say, fevers were notorious for that kind of thing when they got severe enough. He remembered the boy at the errand had been calling him Selim as well. If he was more astute, he might have asked for clarification, but he was only astute about very specific things, at very specific times. However, he did notice the discomfort Selim was experiencing while they discussed it.

"You okay?" He'd ask plainly.

Now finished with the prep by dunking the infuser into the boiling water as the color would drain from it into the concoction. He'd turn off the burner, now waiting a few minutes as the tea properly brewed before he could serve it.

Selim Text Color: #4d0f25
Aku Text Color: #614f6d

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be."
- William Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'

The response he got from the man just earned a confused head tilt from the boy as he tried to rake through his memory, it hardly helped though. Letting out a light cough that had decided to build up in his throat, a minor fit compared to others that often plagued him, he responded. "You'll... have to be more specific. I've had so many lung ailments these last two years... it's gotten to the point that coughing has decided to plague me even without sickness causing it..." His voice took on a slightly sardonic tone as he said that. Then he paused, reconsidering his statement. "Though I think the trauma of almost dying in a makeshift gas chamber down in the dungeons was the main trigger for that tic." The words sounded surreal coming out of his mouth, despite the uneasy grimace that was summoned as that memory was stirred.

Yes, his lung shad gone through a lot of abuse over the years. Really he feared the possibility of them never working properly again down the line.

Banishing the thought from his mind, he refocused before he was sent off on another rabbit trail by his hazy headspace. Focus, or lack thereof, was a big issues these days.

Going by the man's words, there was a second person that knew of his 'true name', or at least the first part of it. After a moment of thinking, he sighed. "I suppose it doesn't matter." Honestly he needed to desensitize himself to it, he wasn't a 'Sohma' anymore. Perhaps he should just consider embracing his true first name, and start officially going my Hisoka Shimada?... He wasn't terribly opposed to the thought, honestly... No, it was far too early to start making such a massive decision. He was still compromised, he hadn't quite settled into his strange new reality yet.

The boy was pulled out of his musings as the Nurse asked him a ver nurse-like question. Blinking, Selim looked back up at him, finger twitching slightly on his knee in uncertainty. Then, he let out a breath. "In all honesty, Nurse Brumby, I'm far from ok, have been most, if not all my life." He snorted slightly in dry amusement, fuzzy mind shrouding his usual paranoia as time passed and as the scent of chamomile began to fill the air. "I've been a walking medical nightmare since I was six." Despite how dramatic it sounded, it was honestly the closest summarization he could give about his life. He hummed, "To be fair though, that's starting to look up since I'd been... adopted, last summer." Selim truly didn't like the word 'adopted' very much... largely because he had very strong suspicions that the Shimadas blackmailed his clan into giving him up to them. That was really the only plausible explanation he had, his birth father would've never given him up willingly. The mere thought of that made him want to laugh.

"Let's just say, my birth family didn't trust doctors outside of the ones within their own clan." The boy huffed, before looking away and to the settling tea.

His mouth shifted into a thin frown as he finished his vague response, fingers twitching occasionally with the urge to scratch his neck in discomfort. The results of not stopping that last year, though, made him restrain the urge for the moment.

Why exactly had the Nurse decided to single him out? It would make sense if it was genuinely to check up on his health, after all, the man had been there when he spiralled down out of control during that little get-together for insomniacs. That was something he remembered with terrible vividness.

While he wasn't vehemently opposed to the possibility, he could still barely reveal enough about his health to his actual doctor for a bare-bones medical record. Being untrusting of doctors outside the Sohma clan had been drilled into him for most of his life alongside his fear of adults, it made for a hard recovery, really. He was trying though, but he was... naturally cagey.

Slightly, his gaze dulled as he briefly zoned out, the ambient sound of the hospital wing lulling him into a state of zero focus. His weary form chugged along despite the exhaustion as he mindlessly re-recited the effects of sleep deprivation to himself. It's been a late night, he would've attempted to sleep hours ago, and if he actually ended up accomplishing that despite the terror the mere thought inspired, he'd be awake by now. Three hours was what he accomplished usually if any at all. The ragged scraps of a sleep schedule had been thrown off-course by the festival.

At least he was getting some free tea out of it though.

When Hisoka talked about his cough, he mentioned the gas in the basement matter-of-factly. Kels would nod along, remembering the incident vaguely, staring off into the distance in scrutiny of that time. Lots of weird things happened in that school, but that one was student inflicted if he recalled correctly. It had happened not long after he started, one of the weird wake-up calls. Most of those students had received a potion that completely healed their lungs, but not Hisoka. There was not a muggle equivalent for what a magical potion could do for internal organs, at least not yet. The thought of Hisoka struggling with the side-effects of that for so long started to sink in as he spoke, Kels' gaze getting more distant and scrunched as he dwelled on it.

He was brought back when the topic went to the name, which he shrugged off . "Y'mean I should keep callin' you Hisoka, or what?"

The boy had been a figure of some mystery to Kels for a while, so he was excited to hear him start to open up, even if it was about his medical history. The fact that he said things were changing due to an adoption made some sense, since it did seem like there was a clear cut between 'awful' and 'okay' for him. The incident with the pneumonia was just one of a few, where the sickness was only part of several compounding ingredients in a stew of pain. As much as Kels loved muggle solutions to problems, it was hard to ignore the magical cures just out of reach.

"Ahh, that's a bummer." Kels would conclude, once told that his original guardians had let him down when it came to his health. He had suffered ever-so-slightly to his own mum's new-age 'magic' healing, but it had been mostly a few small incidents. This kid was probably right when he described his experience as 'a nightmare.' "That makes me real glad yer lookin' healthier now. No joke, some of that won't ever get healed, but every day that y'do better is totally worth it."

He didn't want to start launching into a lecture about why self care was important, because 1. who cares, and 2. he didn't want to have to try to make sense. Talking and making other people understand his thoughts was like trying to translate Mermish above water. He was far more interested in hearing stories about people's lives, or telling jokes or doing something fun. People could figure out stuff on their own anyway, it wasn't his job in life to make sure everyone was perfectly taken care of. Perfectionism was only useful in potion-making, not in relationships.

The conversation quieted for a moment as Kels poured the tea, the hospital wing not being entirely quiet with the sound of the ongoing rain still pelting the windows. Once he slid the cup to Hisoka's vicinity, he would be able to tell from the body language that he was not quite all there. It was far too late in the evening after all, and they were surrounded by beds of students soundly sawing logs. The point was to help Hisoka sleep, but since they started talking, there was another thing that was inching into his thoughts.

"Not sure if y'know this, but there's a potion what can make yer lungs feel better. I know you don't wanna ever take potions..." The tea would be too hot to drink immediately, but Kels would wrap his hands around the mug to warm up his digits as his eyes rolled around the room in thought. "But, like, what if y'took some time with me t'really understand it, like y'do with muggle healing? If y'wanted to become an intern, y'could see hows I make it, an' how it works. Even after that, you could still decide y'don't want it. Jes' like, y'know, see what'cha think of it all fer yerself."

Selim Text Color: #4d0f25
Aku Text Color: #614f6d

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be."
- William Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'

When the man asked if he should keep calling him by his true birth name, he paused in consideration. After a few moments of instinctual fear at hearing it again, though, he sighed, dragging up some vestige of rationality for his answer. "Ah... you know what? Yeah, go ahead and keep calling me that if you want. It's technically still my name just not on legal documents." He huffed.

At the nurse's slight words of encouragement, he smiled faintly, the expression hidden behind his mask. "Yeah, I know some of it won't heal, but those bits will get better with... time." He blinked, "Hopefully." Nothing is 100%, be it vaccines or seatbelts, this he knew. But there was a high chance he could recover from his unpleasant experiences now that he wasn't literally living in the source for it all. The Shimadas could be a bit overbearing sometimes, they still held a lot of Japanese traditionalism and the usual cards that come with being raised by the nobility of purebloods. It was... better, though.

Then, the tea was poured. Reaching over he grasped the cup with his hands, blowing on the steam slightly and just enjoying the warmth it brought to his often-cold skin. Lack of body fat was rather horrible when you lived in the literal dungeon of a castle, but he had a lot of candles and a cat, so he survived.

For a while, he just continued letting his mind go blank as he inhaled the scent of the steamy tea, but he was eventually broken out of the pleasant numbness by the nurse speaking once more. Blinking, his masked visage turned to look at the man as he listened to his words.

He was thrown for a loop for a bit as his tired brain tried to process them, what was being offered, it also was taking a bit for him to decipher Brumby's thick accent, admittedly. When the buffering sign that was likely spinning in his tired skull finally disappeared though, he let out a puff of air, looking away as he sipped his now drinking-temperature tea.

An intern, hm? Well... from past experiences, he knew the additional adult supervision would likely only benefit him and his still-fragile mental state. Also... well, after living under his birth father, he was quite tired of hurting people, of participating in fights (be them spars or otherwise) or adding to the chaos of disastrous Hogwarts events. biology, healing, he was interested in it. It challenged his mind and was genuinely interesting. Really, one of the reasons he didn't study magical healing was because there were next to no explanations for how exactly the magic is affecting the body to help it heal. Most books he picked up just told you how to do it, not why it works.

Also, he was just terrible at applying his massive stores of magical theory to real life. He knew how to, but whenever he did it he ended up overthinking it all with his inquisitiveness and mucking it up.

Also, he still thought his wand had it out for him.

After a bit of musing though, he responded, "Yeah, there's probably a potion that can heal whatever scarring there is in my lungs, but the cough his psychological, at least that's what the doc said... I mean unless there's a potion for that too." He drawled, "Would be easier if Wizards just got with the times and started putting potion doses into capsules, I mean, not that hard. I don't understand why it has to be applied like it's some sort of muggle fairy tale setting." He snorted after his mini-rant about illogical wizard troublesomeness. "It's the act of drinking it, not potions themselves, just triggers some dumb mental reaction..." He trailed off with a faint grimace. No, he wasn't about to dive into why he had a visceral reaction to drinking potions.

After a pause, he sighed, "I'm actually intending to try and use potions for healing as well, to make up for my deficiency in performing magic on the spot." He idly clicked his tongue at that. Of course, wands had to be used to make potions, but with that he could try and retry as many times as he wanted, he wasn't just making potions on the spot to immediately apply to people, he could store them up, make them in his free time. It was just... more reliable. "I'm putting the ones that have to be consumed in capsules though. Screw the system." He added, a scowl in his dramatic words.

He was actually easing up around an adult. He supposed he really was making progress... however slow it was. It was... nice to see.

Finally, he addressed the actual offer the man had made, rather confident in his answer. "As for the internship? I don't see any substantial downsides to accepting. Hands-on learning, practice, a bit of experience in what it might be to take on a full job as a healer? All I see are benefits, aside from the discomfort it might bring that is..." He shrugged at that, discomfort was a part of life, if he was going to get over his illogical fear of adults then he had to actually take steps to do so.

He lifted his mask a tad once more, taking another sip of tea before lowering both once again. "I'll sign up for it. I mean, if there's a process to it, that is." He glanced at the often-carefree man, with a hidden look of mild suspicion. He didn't seem like the type that favoured paperwork, that was for sure.

While Hisoka did say Kels could use that name, the phrasing he used around it wasn't exactly enthusiastic. Kels wouldn't press it, ready to just take him at his word that it was alright to use the name. Overall, he was impressed with how positive Hisoka's outlook seemed to be, even with how bad things had been. Kels had seen some pretty horrible things in his life, and plenty of situations that were truly hopeless. He'd seen a lot of people die, even with how amazing medical magic was. Even with that, it was people's outlook which really made the difference when it came to recovery. Many hopeless cases ended up living full, happy lives, and many fully healthy people drowned themselves in endless despair, not daring to dream about anything better. Kels certainly preferred the former.

Once Kels asked his question, there wouldn't be a response for a while. It wasn't like either of them were in a rush, the next step after this was going to bed, unless someone started crying out in pain anew. Kels had his own cup of tea to sit over, and there was nothing better than the smell and steam from a fresh cup. He had a bit of a cat's tongue though, so he wouldn't be able to drink it until it had a good amount of time to cool. He was the type who liked to steep at the right temperature for the right amount of time, he was a potion master after all, so it wasn't like he could make it cooler for his own taste. The taste of the leaves needed the heat to properly bloom in the water, it was a payoff worth waiting for.

"Potions in pills, huh? Y'd need a pretty massive pill t'fit the amount y'need. Not t'mention--" Kels would start to theorize about the concept, but then got the feeling it was not really what Hisoka was looking for in conversation. He listened more about his aversion, and about how he intended to try to make pills regardless, to which he would laugh. "That's a good attitude at least. We should do some trials, test stuff out. Nobody never found out nothin' without testin' it fer themselves."

It seemed impossible just one Pepperup Potion would likely fit into at least 50 empty gelatin capsules minimum, and he didn't even know if the gelatin would dissolve or not. Still, he would be the last person to stop a scientist from trying to push the boundaries of what was possible. All of history was filled with discoveries that were impossible before they were discovered, so who knew. When Hisoka continued by talking about accepting the internship, Kels' contented face would break into a big smile. He didn't know what to expect, but he was glad this was the outcome.

"That's great, dude. Made my night." Kels would think a bit as he brought the tea close to his mouth, coaxed by the fact the boy was already drinking. Feeling the hot steam on his lips, he could tell it was still too hot. "Come by anytime an' there just a tiny bit o' paperwork. Jes' so we gots a ways of trackin' all'a'ya. Asides from that, y'jes' come when y'got time an' sign in."

There was more to it than that, there was of course a bit of supervision involved, and a few rules to follow, but that was all included in the paperwork. Perhaps against better judgement, Kelsey was a supremely trusting individual, and accepted just about everyone. If anything, he was glad so many students seemed interested in healing, it was an art that would never not be needed.