There, Out in the Darkness PV Simon Kincaid F

@Simon Kincaid touches AngelFyre's heart

She chuckled at his response to her challenge regarding his male ego. Two of the things AngelFyre most appreciated about Simon was his good-natured sense of humor and his confidence. He never seemed to take her teasing of him to heart, and that pleased her enormously, as she tended to have a rather impish sense of humor at times, but nothing that would ever belittle him (or anyone) or be mean-spirited. She was just naturally playful.

As someone who also had a good deal of self-confidence herself, it was refreshing not to have walk on eggshells around him and worry that every little thing said or done needed to be reviewed through a lens for any possible damage to hurt feelings, whether it be intentional or otherwise. He just made her feel, always, like it was okay to be her authentic self. As they skated together for a few moments in silence, more than anything she could think of right then, she hoped that she would somehow be able to convey the same to him. AngelFyre did not take this subject lightly and she suspected, more than any other part of his life, he was allowing her access to the one area where he felt the most vulnerable and unsure of himself, no matter how confident the boy acted otherwise. That he trusted her enough to share his true self with her had had her mind reeling since their encounter in the Library the night before.

Even so, she felt him stiffen just slightly when she brought up the subject of having more questions, noting he stared straight ahead, almost as if he was preparing himself for what was to come. Yet she also felt him squeeze her hand, too, and AngelFyre melted inside at that. Damn, he was brave. She could be reading him all wrong, but she did not think so. It seemed like she had received a green light to proceed, but she felt overwhelmingly that it was a difficult subject for him because by allowing these questions to be asked of him and by indulging her by answering them, he was revealing his underbelly in a way that would leave anyone feeling exposed. But there was more than that being risked for him here, and she wanted to proceed respectfully… lovingly.


She scrunched her face in disappointment as he told her that he slept in a bed while laying down. "Dang it. Now I need to rescind that order on the mahogany coffin I had placed especially for your 13th birthday. Oh, well. It was a real beauty, too, lined with a gorgeous shade of navy satin. I think you might have been very pleased. So, tell me, just what does one get for the dhampir who seems to have everything?” She laughed and followed up with, "Okay, I deserved that. Those were perhaps not my most refined questions, but I asked because I find myself awake so often as well, and was just curious how you deal with your time here at Hogwarts? I can imagine what you did while in London, but things are stricter here, or do you sneak out ever?” She had heard that some students did sneak out, but where they went or what they did she did not know, and she really did not expect to hear that Simon snuck out ever.

Then out of nowhere, she was inspired with an idea that came to her from a few Muggle movies. "I think it would be great if we had one of those soup can phone lines between our dorms and we could talk when we were unable to sleep.” Then she got quiet as she was really considering it, "I know they work. I have one from my treehouse to my bedroom window at home.” Suddenly she felt a little self-conscious. What was she saying? Get a grip, AF. “Apologies. Active imagination at work.”

The boy is probably regretting ever coming out here tonight, she was thinking, and then he completely focused her attention as he began to answer her question about his heart. If there was a subject AngelFyre found more interesting than probably any other in the world, it was most likely the subject of Simon Kincaid’s heart. He confirmed that his heart, did in fact beat, and he slowed his pace until they both stopped. She felt her legs go a little wobbly as he placed her hand on his chest where it had been the evening before, and then he moved closer to her, telling her to close her eyes. Feeling that glorious, warm nervousness wash over her whenever he was near, she did as he asked and she closed her eyes. Trying to calm herself, she smiled as she did feel it. Like he had said, it was slow, but it was strong. Unlike the evening before, however, she did not hurry to remove her hand and she pressed it on her own, flat against his sweatshirt, aching to be as close as she could be to him. She reasoned that as long as she kept her eyes closed, it was safe to exist in these moments. The second she opened her eyes, these moments would pass and… what? Back to reality is what.

Reality is highly overrated.

With her eyes still closed, she asked in a low whisper, "What are your dreams, Simon? And for some reason she could not begin to explain, she felt completely overwhelmed and like she might cry.

His dreams.

She had asked him earlier if he did have dreams and whether they were in color or not but something told him that the latest question, inquiring about his dreams, meant more about his future aspirations and desired. What were his dreams? Did a nearly thirteen year old even know?

Still, nearly thirteen or not, Simon had spent a great deal of time thinking about his future and therefore, was coincidentally thinking of his dreams. He watched the girl for a moment, feeling it was safe to study her delicate facial features since she wouldn't catch him paying so close attention before he glanced down and squeezed her other hand again. "Come on, let's go rest for awhile." Skating could tire one out quite quickly as most didn't understand how physical the sport really was.

Simon led her over to the fallen trees that created a sort of seating area and sat down with her, his hand in hers the entire way. Perhaps that was crossing the line or perhaps he was only ensuring that she got across the frozen covered lake without falling (although her skills seemed quite proficient enough to prove she needn't help).

"My dream? I want to be happy and help make those around me happy. That's my dream." Short, simple. The abbreviated version. "I want a job that I find satisfying, I want hobbies to continue to keep my mind active and inspiration flowing. I want to be safe and healthy and secure. I want to keep my strong faith in God and I want my friends and family to know I love them and that I'm there to support them. And I want a family - a wife and kids. Lots of kids - like, at least twelve."

As he spoke all this he was looking outward at the Lake. Knowing that she liked him meant he was treading on some thin ice here, sitting down on a fallen tree, with no frozen water at all. His heart still beat quite quickly and Simon was beginning to wonder if this - the closeness that he felt with AngelFyre in the Rehearsal Room, the trust he gave her in the Library, and the soft hushed whispers of now - meant that he too was feeling the same. If so, it was wrong, as he had a girlfriend. If so, he had some soul searching to do.

He'd never want to hurt Haley Rose. He'd never want to hurt AngelFyre McCubbin. He'd never want to hurt himself.

"That might sound crazy but I really think that's what I want," he looked over to her finally now and gave a smile. Not just the twelve kids, but the rest as well. "Now if I'm being honest and vulnerable, you get to be the same. Tell me your hopes and dreams, AngelFyre McCubbin."

Soft Landing Back to Reality Sitting Beside @Simon Kincaid

As she knew would happen, the moment came, much too soon, when AngelFyre had to open her eyes and face reality again. Amazingly, it was not the suffocating, throat-constricting transition she had expected it to be. It was instead like awakening from a beautiful dream, slowly, and moving through a cloudy haze which softly deposited her back where she had started. The softness carried over into Simon’s voice as well, but this was not his usual flirty softness. There was a pensiveness to his voice as he suggested they should go rest for a bit, and they skated in silence, still hand in hand, as he led her over to the log he had sat at while putting on his skates.

It was no longer dusk, but truly nighttime now. The moonlight gave just enough of a reflection off of the ice that AngelFyre could see his face in profile. He did not hurry to answer. He took a few minutes to collect his thoughts before speaking. It was the type of silence that told her to be patient and to listen carefully. If he had not meant to answer her question, and she fully recognized it was a weighty one, he would have already politely dodged it. But he had not. She knew he was either thinking hard or proceeding cautiously, or maybe even both, because he continued to stare out at the lake, and that was an unfamiliar communication posture for him. Simon generally made eye contact when listening or talking to people; he was just open like that.

When he did finally speak, AngelFyre was taken aback at how much consideration he seemed to have put into his answer. She did not know what she had expected to hear really, maybe something along the lines of him wanting to be a Dragon tamer with nothing more to follow, but he went so much further than she could have imagined. He even knew how many kids he wanted. She thought he may have been joking, and the number could certainly change as he grew into manhood, but that he would say twelve now was just such a Simon thing to say. AngelFyre had to smile because she could see him thriving in the noise and the clamor of just such an existence though and loving every minute of it. She knew she would, if she were with the right person.

She was smiling at everything she heard from him. It was a wonderful answer, and mirrored much of what she had dreamed for her own life, though she had to admit she had probably never thought about having twelve kids. As she was thinking about his answer, he turned back to her and turned the table, putting the question to her to now answer.

“First, none of that sounds crazy to me. It sounds pretty wonderful actually. I am relieved that it sounds like you have the right wife to child ratio, though; 1:12 as opposed to 12:1. Perfect!” She laughed a little and quickly followed up with, “No, really. It sounds very much you, and I pray with my whole heart that you get all you dream of, Simon. I truly do.”

She continued to smile at him and then she jumped right into her own answer because it was a subject whose paths had been well-trodden in her own mind and heart. “My dreams align pretty much with yours actually. Admittedly, I never quantified how many children I want, and even if I had, I am not certain that it would have been twelve, but if two people are blessed enough to find their soul mate, I guess anything is possible between them.” Then realizing how what she had just spoken could be taken, AngelFyre felt embarrassed and knew she was blushing. Thank goodness it was dark. “Erm, I was not meaning to imply anything by my soul mate remark… between us, I mean… just so you know… but….” OMG, AF! With every word you utter you make it worse. Just move on!!!

She muttered, “Oy,” under her breath before proceeding. “My dreams, and there are so many, center on my faith and the family I hope to have. I know I have a quick mind and I expect to do something useful with it, and if I were to guess right now, I would say it is very likely to have to do with animals or the great outdoors. You know I love my family farm, and that will one day come to me, so some pictures in my head have me there, at least part-time. I want to travel. I want adventure.” She stopped for a moment in thought and then continued.

“But what I want more than anything is simply this: I want what my mother and father have. I have never seen two people more in love than they are and I cannot but help believe that if I were so blessed, the rest would manage to work itself out, or not, but if I had that kind of love, I know I would have everything.”

He was following her every word and when she mentioned soul mates, Simon found himself smiling. He liked the idea of a soulmate and hoped that he'd end up with his. Then she began to stumble over her words and he felt his heart beat faster as she began to talk about not implying anything by her soul mate remarking being between them but...

BUT?

BUT!

But was a conjunction word, used to connect ideas. It seemed that AngelFyre McCubbin herself had picked up on that and immediately ceased such further conversation on the matter.

"That sounds pretty special, what your mum and dad have. I've got very limited experience with that. There's a couple older couples at our church who are really charming together. I guess I've never really seen it first hand. Especially when it came to someone as important as a mother and father."

It was important that they had a strong bond, both for the raising of their children and for their life in general. "Sometimes I wonder what it was with my parents. I probably shouldn't even think on it, you know? I mean, my mum was a good Christian and yet she didn't follow all values when it came to him," and by that he was implying his coming to be without actually saying it because who openly wanted to really talk about such things? "But she felt it was important enough or that her feelings were strong enough. Yet, within hardly any time at all she was gone and wanted nothing more to do with him. I'm curious what red flags were sent up. What kind of a person was he?"

He was rambling. Perhaps it was to help distract her from her near-admittance there or maybe he was somewhat lost in thought. Either way, he was probably boring the poor girl to death.

"I guess I just mean, it'd be nice to experience that and see what that's like. You're lucky."

Silence fell over them a moment as a cold breeze blew quickly around them. "You warm enough? You can have my sweatshirt if you'd like. I don't get very cold. Body temperature is a bit different."

AngelFyre Invites@Simon Kincaid to her Home

She nodded in agreement, sitting there in the darkness. "It really is special. I love my two best friends back home, Kendric and Ainsley. We were inseparable before I came here. My mother and father had tried at least two times I know of to have more children, but it appears that is not in the cards for them. I know they adore me, but since I have been here, I know it has been especially difficult for them because they sort of lost Ainsley and Kendric, too. Neither of my friends come from bad homes by any means, but both of their parental sets are polite, stiff, cool, and unengaging. Kendric and Ainsley just preferred to be at my house and my folks loved it. God bless my friends. They still show up on Saturdays and take Hillary with them on their all day adventures and then have dinner with my folks and Grandma Ruth when they bring my girl back. That is rare. I know it has to be. And my mom and dad are the heart of that. Yeah, I am lucky.

A few extended seconds of silence lingered before AngelFyre continued. "You know Simon, and forgive me please if this is an unwelcome intrusion, but have you ever considered that perhaps your mother did not turn her back on her Christian values? Has the thought ever occurred to you that possibly the reason you and your Aunt Maggie never knew about your father was because ... well... it was not her choice? That would explain a lot. His not being in the picture may have been her greatest gift to you. I am sorry if I am speaking out of turn. I mean no disrespect whatsoever. Truly."

She did not know what was worse for him. The thought that his mother may have turned from her values or that she had loved Simon's father but found something so irredeemable about him that she had to leave him. Either way, it left this wonderful boy sitting beside her almost completely unfamiliar with one of life's richest blessings... parents.

"So, uhhhm.... listen. If it fits into your schedule and you think it might be something you would be interested in doing, I would love to be able to show you my world. I know my parents would love you just as much as .... uhhh... as... Think fast, AF! You almost blew it! ...just as much as they love having Kendric and Ainsley over!" Whew! Close one. "I know you are not a great lover of farms, but I honestly think you might be surprised at the fun and adventures one city slicker of a dhampir might find awaits him at clan McCubbin. And truthfully, I really want you to meet my Dad most especially. You two are so much alike. I know you would get along famously, but honestly, no pressure. I am just throwing it out there for consideration."

Then she shivered. It may have been the breeze, but truthfully, it was the idea of him saying, no that mostly chilled her. It surprised her, but then again, not really, when Simon offered her his sweatshirt. Her teeth were beginning to chatter just a little now, so she gratefully accepted. "Oh! Yes, please and thank you, kind Sir. The breeze is a little brisk, but I love it.

He listened as AngelFyre began her offer and once again it almost sounded like a confession was going to be made. He found it rather intriguing actually because at some point she was going to have to come forward with her feelings and at some point so was he.

"Another farm, huh?" he asked, really not sure he was up for that. Another invitation to say at another farm. He had already spent several days of his Winter Break at Clair Fernandez's family farm in Carlisle, England. Granted, meeting AngelFyre's parents did sound quite interesting to him but at that expense? Eh...

He'd give himself a moment to think about it while he slipped off his sweatshirt and held it out for her to take. Due to his size, it would be plenty big on her and maybe that would add to even more additional warmth. Maybe it would be cozier.

"You know, the last days of Spring Break I've got Clair Fernandez coming to visit my Aunt Maggie and I...see what life in the city is all about. She'll be staying with us and it'll be good for her with her mum's passing and all. Before that though she's going to another friend's house for some party. That's at the beginning of Spring Break. I could fit in a visit them. I know my Aunt Maggie won't mind." That woman let him do absolutely anything.

"You should probably ask your parents though, you know, just to be sure. I'd like that though, both seeing where you're from and meeting the parents."

AngelFyre Regrets Inviting@Simon Kincaid to her Farm Home

"Another farm, huh?" His tone said it all really, and while AngelFyre was pretty certain Simon had not meant to be insensitive, she nonetheless felt like a cold glass of water had been tossed in her face. Deeply hurt and trying, but failing, to quell a rising anger within her, she barked a sharp retort back at him.

"Actually, no. It is most definitely NOT "another farm" any more than your townhome in South Kensington with your Aunt Maggie is another townhome. I realized from you reaction the night we spent in the Rehearsal Room that a farm life was not your idea of heaven, but my farm just so happens to hold the center of everything I love and hold most dear in this world...well, almost everything... and when you are so dismissive of it, it feels like you are being dismissive of.....me." She paused just a second or two before she spoke the word "me", and when the word did pass her lips, all of the anger in her diatribe simply boiled down to the hurt she felt.

The outburst surprised her. She was normally such an extraordinarily patient, easy going person and it took quite a lot to raise her hackles, but because she cared so much about how Simon saw her or what he might think of her, his off-handed remark hit AngelFyre harder than if anyone else on the face of the Earth would have said it to her. The farm and her life there made up so much of who she was and what she valued, and it was clear there was not much value to any of that in Simon's mind. She was still swimming each day in the murky depths of her one-sided crush on this unavailable boy, so seeing things clearly as of late was not her forte. But she just got a clear vision from his point of view of her, and, whether AngelFyre liked it or not, it was his vision that mattered most in this "relationship". His vision of her and her life led to nowhere but a dead end street. How could she continue to be so stupid? Besides, his social calendar was clearly full, and being squeezed in as an after thought did not feel good either.

None of this felt good, overall, actually.

She could have stolen moments with him that elated her to the moon and back again, but it was all smoke and mirrors. A grand facade. She should be grateful to him, honestly, for giving her something that might finally.... finally.... break his spell over her. And the poor boy was having his hide torn into and would be absolutely clueless as to the real reason why. Well, no matter. As had been proven for weeks, her absence from his life did not affect him at all, so no harm no foul there. She would just fall back to avoidance and life would go on.

She got up from the log they had been sitting on, and ignoring the offer of his now outstretched sweatshirt, she did a 180 and headed over to the bench where her things were. She leaned over and started to unlace her skates. As she was doing so, she continued "You make a good point, however. I have not asked my folks so I probably should not have made the invitation to begin with.... bad form, very bad form on my part. Apologies." And she had almost zipped up her last snow boot by the time she had finished speaking.

Looking down at her boots, and now shivering even more, but not from the cold, she said, "I did not know about Clair's Mom. That is terrible. Please offer her my condolences when you see her next, and if you think it appropriate, please tell her that she and her family will be in my prayers. They will be whether you tell her or not actually, but I rarely see her, otherwise I would give them to her myself."

Then allowing herself to now look at him, she asked " Would you like to walk back with me or will you be staying our here for a bit longer?"

Simon listened as she spoke about her farm, her tone got rather sharp and it took him back by surprise. He truly didn't mean anything by it, but if she knew his adventures back in Carlisle, she might begin to understand. There was a goat and cows and chickens and pigs and a four hour horse ride that led him to being burnt badly and having to apply makeup to cover it up! It wasn't even so much that it was a FARM but yes, ANOTHER something that he didn't necessarily want to repeat.

Then again, he got to know Clair's mother and he had gotten to know her sister Belle and her sister Izzy. He got to see the things that were important to Clair and how she decorated her room and those things were important to him because Clair was important to him.

And AngelFyre was important to him and therefore he wanted to visit her home in Scotland, farm or not. "Hey, I didn't mean to insult your love for your farm, honest," he said as he came over to where she was. He could tell she was annoyed with him. "I just - I - It's a lot to take in but you know, seeing your home and your room and meeting your parents and your precious dog and your friends... that would all mean a lot to me and if I haven't completely ruined this entire evening then I'd still like you to consider asking them."

Did he just ruin the entire evening? The very same evening where he realized he had feelings for this girl? Simon glanced down and brought his hand through his hair before looking up to her. "I can walk you back if you'd like but if you'd rather have some alone time then I'll honor that." Simon watched her, a look of confusion visible on his face. He didn't mean to make her upset.

Listening to his quick and seemingly sincere response to her biting remarks, AngelFyre felt ashamed of herself for snapping at him so easily. She could not dismiss that his words and tone had struck a nerve, but she should have remembered whom she was in the company of.... Simon Kincaid... thoughtfulness and caring personified.

As he came over to her, looking and sounding confused, but saying all the right things, all her anger washed completely away. She turned to him, and after catching him running his hand through his hair, signaling immediately that he was anxious, she smiled softly at him. "Hey, I am sorry. That all came out of left field for me almost as much as it did for you, I think."

And then turning to face him once again, she felt more herself and chuckled a little, telling him "No need to be anxious, Simon." And then craning her neck around his front, which she knew would get him to look at her, she smiled in awe as she looked, not into his eyes, but at his hair. Falling into an American Southern Belle accent (an accent she actually could pull off expertly) she spoke in a slow, honey-thick drawl, "Howevah DO y'all manage tuh keep it lookin' prucision purfect, even aftuh runnin' yor hand through it? I do declare, it is one of the seven wonders of Hogwarts! One day yuh will simply have tuh divulge yor secret tuh little ol' me." Then she looked into his eyes, hoping his anxiety would have long vanished and been replaced with a smile.

Turning and looking back out onto the lake, she told him, "I had a wonderful time this evening. I truly did. I apologize for the vinegar near the end, but seriously..." and she turned back to meet his gaze, probably for the last time that evening, "...tonight was special. It was like an Everything bagel. There was laughter, adventure, deep discussions, difficult discussions, and a small hissy fit courtesy of moi. But more than that, there was you, Simon. My Hufflepuff friend. So thank you for all of it and for agreeing to come out here this evening. And she shivered involuntarily, this time because of the cold.

"And yes. If you really do want to visit over spring break, I would love that and will contact my folks. Be forewarned, however. They will want to speak directly with your Aunt Maggie to get her permission and they are going to want to know if you have any allergies or medical conditions they should know about in case of an emergency. And THAT my dear, Mr. Kincaid, we can talk about at a later date."

Stomping her feet in the snow to warm them, she asked, "If you could see your way clear to forgiving my appalling lack of manners when you offered your sweatshirt earlier, may I please borrow it now as we walk back to the castle? I am officially freezing."