I Pity the Proulx PV Closed

Everyone, both magical and Muggle, should watch The Lion King. It teaches important life lessons: don't take your girlfriend to a haunted location on a first date, great leaders always have great body hair, never trust your creepy uncle, et cetera. It also has some of the most epic cinematic moments in the history of film: Rafiki hoisting baby Simba into the air, a blossoming romance in front of a waterfall, and the best family showdown since Luke vs. Vader. And just like Mufasa when Scar shoved him off that high, high cliff, Ami died the day she heard Ivar Eide would be leaving Hogwarts. She barely knew the man, but still! It was a betrayal of the highest order, and she was devastated by his departure. Care of Magical Creatures was a class near and dear to her heart as a former horse girl, and while Professor Eide had been a little spookier than most professors, she still thoroughly enjoyed the class. If his successor was not worthy of carrying on the legacy of Care of Magical Creatures professors (and it was a high bar, indeed), then Ami would have to have words with them.

Her mother, a pureblood former-elitist, had drilled the importance of manners and etiquette into her daughter as soon as she could talk. Unfortunately, most of her efforts had been for naught, but Ami managed to retain a bit of information. For example: if welcoming someone to a new home, you should always bring a gift of some sort. Two summers ago, she had baked vegan cinnamon rolls for Professor Dunaid, the former Groundskeeper. But as a vegan, Ami was (naturally) a downright terrible baker, especially when baking with non-vegan ingredients. So when she was contemplating what sort of house-warming gift she should bring to the new Magical Creatures professor, she (naturally) decided to bake him a welcome cake. And, keeping with the whole Creatures and betrayal theme, she decided to bake him a Lion King-inspired cake.

Specifically, the scene where Scar pushed Mufasa off the cliff. You know, to really capture how she felt about this whole ordeal.

Thus, it was with a heavy heart and an even heavier cake that Ami approached the new Professor's office. The cake was a shockingly spectacular masterpiece, Ami having put hours and hours of painstaking work into the details in the fondant. But finally, her creation was complete, and now she stood before the new Professor's door. It seemed that Eide's replacement kept both Eide and Griffith's Pull for Professor system, which was decently clever. However, she wanted to make an impression, and just pulling the cord would leave the lamest impression ever. Eyeing the door and sizing it up quickly, she set her cake off to the side before rubbing her hands together. This door had no idea what was coming.

With a shrill shriek, Ami launched herself at the door with a mighty kick and a flurry of fists, only to find herself thrown back from the door with little ceremony. She landed on the floor in a heap with a loud thud, her limbs and hair tangled and a few new bruises inevitably forming. Springing to her feet, Ami shook the tumble off like a retriever shaking off water, before huffing angrily. "Stupid new professor with a stupid ward on the door..." she grumbled under her breath as she dusted herself off. Reaching up to her head to mess up her hair even further, she sighed in resignation before reaching out to pull the cord rather reluctantly. "Lame-ass unbreakable door for a lame-ass professor," she muttered darkly. Her grip on the cake tightened as she waited for the new professor to answer the door, tapping her foot impatiently.

The door swung open, and the fifth year was faced with the sight of a weary, stressed-looking old man. A startled and subsequently hastily stifled laugh managed to escape Ami's mouth, more or less sounding like a cat drowning in a bathtub. It was rude to laugh at people, but she hadn't expected a middle-aged cubicle dweller to answer the door. And to be fair, Ami never purposely bullied anyone, but even she had to admit that her behavior and personality could be a bit more abrasive than she may have originally intended. She tended to plow through life like a tornado, blissfully ignorant of the destruction left behind in her wake. Unfortunately for the man with the Drew Brees hairline, it was with this same force that she elbowed her way past Walmart Matt Damon into his office, surveying the new digs with a critical eye.

"It smells dank in here," she said loudly, wrinkling her nose in disapproval. "And not the good type of dank, either. Although that 'fit could probably be considered a dank meme. God, are you sure your mom didn't dress you this morning?" She booty-bumped a chair with enough force to rotate it, before setting the cake down on its seat. Dusting her hands off on her pants, she extended a freckled hand to the poor professor with a toothy grin. "Ami Procoppio, fifth year Hufflepuff. I take your class! I hope you remember this mug, 'cos I'm finna be your favorite student. No cap. I brought you a cake!"