The Search For Answers PV Howard White Finished

Warning: Swears up ahead again, look away if offended.

Interacting with @Howard White

A soft sigh escaped her as she nodded, in response to his mumbles about 'maybe' and trying when she mentioned speaking to a professor. Honestly, she could not say she was surprised. If he had trusted anyone to help, he probably would have gone by now. Besides, she never went to a professor when she needed help. She just accepted the fact that she was afraid of the dark at the age of eleven again, as though it was perfectly normal. It was normal for younger children. She had been afraid of the dark when she was very little but she got over it within time - long before she joined Hogwarts. So, when the fear returned, she probably ought to have gotten help. Maybe then, they would have figured out that there was some creepy shadow thing trying to kill them. But for fear of looking stupid, being made fun of, being on the receiving end of more rumours and looking crazy, Serena stayed quiet.

She stared into his red eyes intensely for a few moments as he said he won't. What she lacked in arm strength, she more than made up for in determination and her look was probably telling of that. After a few moments, she nodded. She believed it. Perhaps she was just biased but she believed him. Of course she did.

Her eyes fell onto their connected hands. Her hand was a lot smaller than his but it just dawned on her that her fingers were, longer than most people's was. At least, longer than the average human. One of the few signs of her non-human ancestry that she did not have the guts to openly admitting to. It was different for Howard though. Whether or not he admitted it, people likely picked up on it quickly. His own hands with the sharp nails, his pale skin or his blood-stained tears were quite a big giveaway.

Frowning, she listened to the words he was saying. Howard claimed to enjoy hitting that awful being from Durmstrang, which Serena A question came to mind but she dared not to ask it. Mostly because she was afraid of the answer. It was a question that was better left unanswered. She did not want to know if he liked hurting Jake, nope, she definitely did not. For fear, it was the truth and this darkness he spoke of was far worse than she could ever comprehend, she cast that thought aside for now. But he said he would not hurt him again, and for now, that was the best she could hope for. How he felt in the past did not matter. What mattered was how he felt right now, "We'll figure it out, Howard. I- I don't know how but... I promise, we'll figure it out," She whispered softly, she squeezed his hand.

"When you came here, you were all alone. You're forgetting though. You're a Hufflepuff, Howard. You're not alone, we won't leave you be even if you get tired of us," She teased a little, though she was serious. Being a Hufflepuff had taught her that community was everything. She had no idea what the other houses were like. However, Serena had learned that Hufflepuff stuck by each other like there was no tomorrow. She often felt alone, ended up eating alone regularly or spending way too much time with her pet rat. But, somehow, she knew that if she needed them, her house would come rallying. This situation was only a bit more delicate because... he had hurt another badger, "It will be okay..." She said softly, perhaps trying to convince herself of that too.

Maybe, some form of muggle activity would help - an outlet for his anger? Like boxing, wrestling or martial arts... Her brain racked through the suggestions. Hell, if he wanted, he could totally beat up her brother. He was a pain. She would appreciate that. Though, that would probably not help in the slightest. Maybe he needed a hobby that was not violent. Like uh. Knitting. An image of Howard caught in some yarn was kind of amusing. If she was not super upset by the whole situation, she would have laughed at the thought of it.

What repeated in her mind though was his last words before she had replied. With her free hand, she reached up and touched his cheek to catch his attention and make him look at her."How do you know you'd fuck it up if you haven't tried?" She asked him softly, as she looked up at him, "If you want to make it better, genuinely then... do whatever the hell you can to make it better and don't give up until you succeed," It sounded so simple. She knew it was not but it sounded so simple when stated. They both knew Jake did not deserve what happened, and she did not know if there was anything she could do to make it better. But there was probably something he could do. Whether Jake forgave Howard or not was out of their hands but Howard still had to try. She knew that. She just... wanted him to realise that. "I've never taken you for a quitter. So, you tell me, what do you want to do?" She whispered. If he did not want to be helped, there was very little she could do to help him. He needed to choose this path himself. All she could do was support him.

@Serena Towers

Serena's gentle squeeze would draw Howard's eye to their connected hands. As he returned the pressure he would notice the unusual length of her fingers as they rivaled his own, but her hand was dwarfed within his. Not that he would know or suspect her heritage. Had he known her status he would most likely have felt a pang of jealousy. It would be easy to hide long fingers and slightly pointed ears, especially when it was hard to focus on anything besides her pretty face. However, he had no chance of disguising his own features. He may put gloves over clawed fingers. Hide red eyes behind shades, maybe even out on some makeup to brighten gray flesh, but he would still be look at as odd at very best. Howard would look just as he was for the rest of his life. The visage of a predator, that of a monster in the eyes of some, but here in this moment he stood at a crossroad. Serena playing the part of guide as they fought to save his soul from reflecting his physical appearance.

Howard would confess the part of him that enjoyed the violence and domination. He half expected Serena to leave him there and then. Finally repulsed by the half dead monster before her, but she was steadfast. The part Goblin would think the question but dared not ask it. The answer most likely the tipping point. Had she asked Howard would not have lied. Part of him did enjoy terrorizing Jake. To hold such control was to be powerful and in a life that lacked so much of that the feeling was often intoxicating. This fact may sicken her, but there are two sides to everything. The crippling guilt that came with such actions far outweighed the pleasure of his domination. The nauseous feeling within his guts lingered still to this day where the brief ecstasy of power was fleeting. However, they would look to the future for now as Serena promised to help him figure it out.

The corners of his lip would raise in a smirk as she teased him, but her words rang true. The very fact that could possibly save him from the shadowy road he had been treading for so long now. Howard White had sat on that stool long ago, the ancient hat placed on his head just like thousands of others before him. The powerful artifact had searched both mind and soul. Had it seen then what he might become? Had it known that House Hufflepuff would be necessary for such a volatile soul? That the Badgers would stand tall by his side and offer the loyalty and companionship that one such as he so desperately needed? Even now when he had lashed out against a fellow Huffle there was still one that was willing to stand by his side and help him search for redemption. Serena's pledge would draw his eyes from their hands to her gaze. With a solid nod he would accept her pledge and silently make one of his own.

"Suppose you're right." Howard agreed. He would nod and softly close his eyes as she touched his cheek. He dismissed himself so quickly, but Serena was right. If he wanted to make this right he would have to keep trying until he did. Jake may never forgive him for his trespasses, a reality Howard would have to accept, but to give up now would serve no one. "I need to make it right, or at least try. I'll go to him and tell him the truth." The determined look would quickly falter. "If he'll even talk to me."

Interacting with @Howard White

Serena found herself staring at him, even after he closed his eyes. She had no idea what it was but something drew her to him. There was just something about him that stood out to her, made her feel safe. A part of her heart ached when she thought that he was capable of hurting someone as sweet and innocent as Jake. Of all people, Serena would never have imagined Howard bullying Jake. She found herself gently wiping his blood-stained cheek from the tears a little, almost absentmindedly, as she stared at him.

Her gaze flickered to her hand was on his cheek, swallowing slightly before pulling away from a little as she realised what she was doing. Stepping away from a little, out of awkwardness, she 'ahem-ed' a little. Her actions were not particularly unusual. She did not mind hugging or holding the hands of her friends or anything... but something just felt a little off about it, for some reason. Perhaps it was the whole situation, perhaps they were not friends. She did not know, it just felt a bit odd for her to touch him.

She placed her hand on the back of her neck, scratching it a little as she looked down at the ground. Luckily, he spoke before long so she did not have to feel awkward for too long. She nodded, in agreement as she looked up at him, placing her hands behind her back and locking them together. Serena pressed her fingers together. She was about to agree with his plan. He had to do something - or at least make an attempt to do something.

But instead, a frown crossed her eyebrows as she heard the last part of his words. He had a good point. Jake likely would flee the second Howard walked into the room - and she did not blame him, not at all. But that did not mean Howard should give up. He had to try. At least once, he had to apologise. Even if it was through a letter. If Jake did not accept the apology, then that was different. However, Howard had to - at the very least - try and make things better at least once."Well... You won't know till you try," She replied softly before sighing, turning her back towards the tree nearby, leaning back against it.

Serena stared at the grass for a moment or two, trying to figure out what to do. She had no idea if Jake would take to him and honestly, she would not blame Jake or be surprised if he simply refused to talk or listen to the apology. A part of her wondered if she should do something but she was not entirely sure it was her place. Promising Howard she would talk to Jake was definitely off the table. She did not want to make the promise and then have to tell him that Jake refused to speak to him, that seemed cruel. She scratched the tree lightly, with her hands still behind her. Serena was itching to hold his hand or something, try to comfort him but for some reason, she just fought that itch. It did not feel right.

"Look - I can't guarantee he'll talk to you but... you still have to try, even if it's just through a letter. Just think about it, maybe, you'll find a way to get through to him?" Serena offered, not sure what else to really say. She had no idea if a few days would help but time usually helped matters, right? Time healed or some nonsense like that.

She swallowed, sighing softly as she thought about the situation. The whole thing was so shitty. It really did not help that she considered both of them friends. This was not a situation she ever thought she would be in. A part of her did not fully understand it either, and a part of her felt a bit off about the whole thing. She was angry, sad, confused yet she wanted to help. Perhaps it was one of those emotions that was making her feel a little off.

Unlocking her hands, Serena moved one in front and pushed some hair strands away from her face after a few moments of being quiet. Her hand wrapped around the other arm's bicep, holding onto it. It dawned on her that she had dragged Howard away from whatever he was doing. He might have been with people or going to meet someone or going to an activity or something and she had just dragged him away for this conversation. Her cheeks had dried and her anger had turned into sadness... Or perhaps confusion, "Oh, I'm sorry for uh, dragging you into all of this I guess... I didn't realise- well, you know... Just wanted to make sure Jake was okay..." Serena mumbled, apologising for bringing the entire thing up right now, "I'll let you get back to... er it..." She continued, giving him an out in case he wanted to escape. She was not entirely sure what else to really say to him but he probably had other things to worry about, especially now that he had an apology to apparently plan. It did not help that she had no idea how to feel about him though. "I'm sorry for... bringing all of this up..."

Serena honestly had no idea how intense the situation was when she started this conversation. She was just concerned about the pair of them. She did not know what to expect but it was definitely not this. It did not help that she was the reason that he was recalling this situation, one that caused him to cry. The pain in his eyes was not something she could easily forgive herself for but she also did not really know how she felt about him anymore. Were they still friends? Could they be, after all of this? Of course, they were. She was still his friend. Right? She was. Something just felt... different. An awkwardness she could not quite describe.

@Serena Towers

Howard let out a long exhale as her fingers left his cheek. It was as if they were the only thing keeping him steady. Like a patch over a hole in a tire, he began to deflate as her touch left him. As his eyes opened again they would connect with her although a tiredness now hung within them. The weight of the situation was beginning to pile up upon his shoulders as they slumped.

Although Serena was strong enough of a person to stay by his side regardless of the terrors he had admitted to her there was still a sense that something had changed between them. The two had never been super close with each other, but he had always looked at her with a fondness. At one point he had even held a crush for the girl. Now though, something had shifted. Understandable for her given what Howard had told her, but for him the feelings he had for her had...matured? It was hard to pinpoint. There was a strong desire for her approval. Most likely the biggest reason he had become so emotional. Of course there was the guilt, but also the deep sense of failure that had rocked him and now left an awkwardness between them. The question being, were they still friends? Something that he very much wanted, however thing could not be that easy. Now, maybe for the first time, Howard would have to grow into the adult he was slowly becoming. To make things right would take time and effort.

Then there was the situation with Jake. If proving to Serena that he was worth redemption and forgiveness seemed hard, doing so with Jake was down right impossible. Howard would nod along with her advice. If he did not try he would never know if he could. First would have to be the apology. A verbal declaration of his guilt and a begging to be forgiven. However, this would most likely be rejected. Even if Jake could accept his words there was no telling if he would ever be able to overcome the fear Howard had instilled in him Those actions he had used against the younger Badger would leave lasting scars, but perhaps there was a key there. Actions. They spoke louder than words as the saying went. Perhaps that would be Howard's ticket towards forgiveness. If Jake would not or could not accept his words he would prove himself to the underclassmen through acts. Even if he never gained Jake's trust he would continue would use this situation to fuel his choices. To choose the light was the best thing he could do for Jake, the best he could do for himself. Although his actions towards the boy had left them both scarred he would forever be grateful to the little one. His kind nature, his innocence, although Howard had abused it, Jake's very existence had quite possibly saved him.

"I'll do everything I can." Howard pledged to her, to himself. A moment would pass between before she began to apologize. He wouldn't interrupt her words, but he would shake his head no. "Serena, please. You have nothing to apologize for. I...I really needed...you. Your help. I couldn't do it alone. Things seem clearer now, but I think I'll go rest." Howard would take a step closer. His actions indecisive before he quickly pulled her into a hug, unless she pulled away. If she did not resist him she would feel the shakiness within him. "Thank you, Serena." Howard whispered before turning away.

Leaving thread unless stopped.

Interacting with @Howard White

With a firm nod in response to his pledge, she gave a small smile. That was all she could really ask for - Howard to just try and do everything he could do apologise to Jake. What more could she really ask for? Nonetheless, she felt bad for dragging him into this whole conversation. It was probably not what he wanted to spend the day thinking about and crying was probably not his favourite pastime. So she apologised. What surprised her was not that he listened to her apology, it was his response to it.

He... needed her? Well, her help? That surprised her. Of course, he could apologise to Jake alone - or come to that conclusion alone. She did not really do anything but force the conversation to come up right here, right now. Serena opened her mouth to respond, about to tell him that she did nothing but before she managed to say anything, he stepped forward breaking the distance between them.

Serena swallowed but she did not pull away as his arms engulfed her in a hug. She blinked, not quite expecting it from him. Taken back by the whole thing, she could not focus on anything for a moment. There was a pang in her heart. Something felt different. She did not know what the feeling was - perhaps disappointment, hurt or anger... perhaps it was something else entirely - but something felt different.

She did not move to hug him back. Was he... shaking? Before she could react, she heard his words whispered into her ear before he pulled away. Serena found herself staring at him as he walked away, not entirely sure how to feel. A small frown crossed her eyebrows as she stared at him. There had been a shakiness to his hug, she was sure of it. She did not notice it at first but... it was there.

Awkwardly, she rocked on her feet a little. Her eyes broke away, looking down at her hand as it moved to hold the other arm. It was shaking a little. She did not know really know how to feel anymore. Something felt different, that was sure. But the entire situation had made her feel so many different emotions in such a short space of time that she was not entirely sure how to process it. From awkwardness to anger... from hurt to sadness... Serena did not know how to feel but something was different. Howard did not owe her an apology by any means but this situation changed something. She did not know what but it did.

She sighed softly. This was not about her though. It was about how he felt and about Jake. She had to do something to ease their pain. She had not made any promises to him but... perhaps she could speak to Jake, see if he would be willing to hear Howard out. That was all they needed. One opportunity to speak. His tears were real. She was sure of that. She just hoped that Jake would hear him out, that Jake would be able to forgive him. It was asking a lot from him, she knew that but seeing Jake so terrified was also not want she wanted. He, at the very least, should never have to feel that way around Howard again - whether or not he could forgive him.

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