Don't Bother Calling Solo Finished

The train ride from King's Station to Durham this year had a hollow sort of humor to it. Last year, he had been nervous, feeling his productivity and accomplishments would not have met his family's standards. How naïve that felt now, almost quaint. His only real ambition this year had been to survive, maintain, not just let his whole life fall apart around him. Now, every inch closer to Durham he got, he felt newly terrorized. He avoided going home during the breaks, avoided the only letter his family gave him, and now he would have to face the horrors that he had been so desperately avoiding. He couldn't sleep through the night for days, scenarios running through his head nonstop kept him freshly afraid.

He did the only thing he could do, return home. It wasn't like he was in danger... most likely. What he was avoiding was culpability, having to admit he would keep their filthy secret. Of his time at school, he would share nothing. He continued his high marks, became better at spellcasting, joined Quidditch, and helped run the masquerade ball. All the while, he made no progress on discovering a cure for the black blood. Instead, he punched Vladimir in the face, was manipulated, wasted his time. He doubted he would have very many fond memories of this year. He even started to doubt he would make it out of adolescence. The feelings of invulnerability were shattered, the things that helped him cope started to betray him.

Escape. All he wanted, more than anything, was to escape this life. It wasn't a foreign feeling, it was his constant state these days. It wasn't as though he anticipated some kind of horrible abuse he might receive, or even that he'd be uncomfortable or unwelcome. The Holmwoods were fabulously rich, but humble enough to use the wealth intelligently. All he ever had to worry about was taking care of his horse, everything else was taken care of for him. What he really wanted to escape was expectations and secrets. All the time he sat in his train seat alone, his mind bustled with the possibilities of what to expect.

His mother and sister were very unhappy with what he had seen last summer, and how he had fled his room to drink on the roof in retaliation. He was now a part of something he had been intentionally left in the dark about, and would continue to be given as little information as possible. His only role was to act oblivious, and pretend he couldn't connect the dots. The way it looked to him was that the Maris had asked Valerius to kill someone. He had never gone to the newspapers to try to find out who it was, despite his usually fervently curious mind. This was something he regretfully agreed with his family on-- he'd be better off not knowing anything about it at all.

More and more as he got older, ignorance and avoidance didn't seem like real options. It was comforting-- the idea that you could get away from pain and sorrow-- but it wasn't reasonable. You couldn't unlearn things, and your mind was with you no matter where you hid. After several disasterous attempts to run away, Flash had finally resolved himself by the end of the year. He would need to accept the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and survive them. If he had his way, even overcome them. He had support, after all. He had friends who cared about him.

He wouldn't have to stay at home long anyway, he had made sure of that-- he not only was going to participate in summer camp in August, but had also agreed to visit his friend Sylvain at his new home. Normally he'd be nervous about entering such a precarious situation, but it helped that Sylvain needed his support. He could be resilient if it meant standing up for someone else, he had much more difficulty standing up for himself. That was the sticking point this year for him, the last push between being the 'trouble child' and outright becoming a paraiah in his family. He had never before felt the need to defend himself from his own kin, but it was starting to look like he would have to.

Twenty nine days. That's what he repeated to himself.
Unable to focus much on his book, Flash grew more disturbed as the station stop announcements became more familiar. He'd received his train tickets by owl like usual, but this time there had not been any note or instruction. It was his second year, so it was expected that he knew what to do. He didn't know who to expect to pick him up though. Mari and Darius were both likely, if not Pilar, the driver they usually employed when they couldn't drive themselves. The short walk to the receiving area brought about the true startling revelation-- it was his mother.

His stomach would drop, though his face only showed mild confusion. Once her eyes found him, she smiled and started briskly walking over. She was dressed quite reserved, nothing like the colorful ensembles she usually wore. It was almost like she was trying to be incognito, which was a red flag. He figured he'd have to face her eventually, but he should have known a Holmwood wouldn't wait when they could just as easy nip something in the bud. Flash stood paralyzed as her heels clacked closer, and her arms wrapped around him in a hug. He realized then that his growth during the school year had actually surpassed his mother's, as her head rested on his shoulder as he hugged her back. The outdated fragrance she wore was overpowered by the smell of product in her hair.


"Oh my goodness, you're so tall!" She crooned, holding his shoulders as she removed herself from the hug to look him over properly. She'd tug at minorly misplaced parts of his ensemble to adjust them to better reflect perfection. "You look so handsome! I've missed you so much!"

This wasn't by any stretch unusual, their mother was always the type to be affectionate and complementary. Especially when they were alone with her, the words out of her mouth would only ever seem to be praise and expressions of undying motherly love. Certainly much of it was completely genuine, her embrace never felt cold nor distant. It was enough to make Flash think that perhaps, somehow, nothing was wrong. It wouldn't be a feeling that lasted long, though.

"I missed you too, Mum." He replied quietly.

Her smile dimmed, her hands planting onto her hips. "Really? You don't write back even though you miss me?" She shook her head lightly with a sigh, pretending it wasn't a big deal. Dread welled in Flash's stomach. "Put your things in the car, darling. Mummy's too old to be driving at night, let's hurry up."

Bustling ahead with the self-importance of someone who had laid down the law, Flash quickly grabbed onto his luggage to start following behind. He could feel a stinging in his cheeks as they flushed with minor panic. It wasn't like his mum would attack him or anything, but he still feared this impending car ride. No matter how good he got at talking, he could never argue with his mother. Similar to how Mari was 'always right', his mum never left a conversation with a changed opinion. Standing up to her was a non-starter. That was probably why she was the one picking him up.

The ride started simply enough. His mother droned on in nearly nonstop chatter, first about how Flash would be old enough to drive himself soon, including anecdotes from her own childhood about the excitement of the open road. Flash listened, falling into another false sense of security inherent in their familiarity. Marianne had been an adventurous teenager, so it wasn't news to hear of some of her escapades. Still, it was a fairly lighthearted and easy way to pass the time. He lounged in the passenger seat, watching the countryside in distracted glances as he listened. He would never have much to add, it wasn't as though he could try to relate.

His mother's line of thinking felt like a foreign language, a thing that had been blamed on his young age. Even as he grew though, he didn't come across any wisdom of the world that made him understand her any more. She cared so greatly for appearances and cohesion that they came at the cost of anything. She had her reasons, her steadfast logic that could be filibustered until time ran out. She knew her heart, and that level of commitment will dog opposition regardless of flimsiness. She wasn't equipped with flimsy arguments though, which made every point of contention balloon into drawn-out conflicts. Somehow though, she and his father never seemed to fight. Nothing but smiles all the time.

He didn't get it. Appearances afforded one a lot, cohesion certainly lent to peace and harmony. Collaboration, working together, devotion to a higher cause. It all made sense, yet when he started going to Hogwarts, it didn't work. He felt like he was going insane, like he was nothing. His heart had felt such great loneliness and despair that he felt sick to imagine living even one hour longer. Maybe he would never understand. All he knew was that he would never be able to think that way again. He wasn't perfect, and he was tired of pretending he was.

The leisurely drive would shift into another gear as the nostalgic tales winded to a natural close. A briefly comfortable silence was followed by a suddenly stricter tone in her voice. "Demetrius, you tell me why you didn't reply to my letter."

Flash's heart jumped, the flip too abrupt to ease into. From then on, it fluttered madly, the thing he most feared being suddenly dropped on his lap. He wouldn't panic though, he already knew she was going to ask. He just didn't want to have to say the truth.

"I never read it."

A sharp, loud scoff sounded from her side of the car, Flash not having turned to look at her. He intently kept his eyes on the forested hills in the distance, knitting his hands to keep them from fidgeting.

"You boys are always so impetuous. I can't believe you wouldn't read a letter from your own mother." Her words were chastising, but her new tone lilted sweetly, as if this was no inconvenience at all, but simply another one of her many burdens to bear. "Well if you had read it, you would have known that your father is at the estate right now. So is Valerius, you know. They are all looking forward to seeing you. We're going to have a big family discussion."

The blood in Flash's veins froze. Why did the thought of seeing all his family members together make him feel so threatened? He knew what this was about, it had to be about last summer. He already felt stupid for not reading the letter, now he felt worse. It was exactly as he feared, it hadn't been meant to be a casual correspondence. It was orders to behave. It was extremely upsetting, disappointment feeling like a slap to the face. What was once stinging fear transformed into anger. He didn't want to have a 'family discussion'. He didn't want his father and Valerius to put aside their time to counsel him, like it was a job they were being paid to do. He knew what all they'd say. They'd tell him they're right, that he should be grateful, that being quiet was the right thing to do for the family... maybe for the whole world. What a joke.

"Then I don't want to go." Flash's answer was low and unsteady, like a growling kitten fearing retaliation. "That sounds like a terrible time."

"Demetrius." She said said, softly aghast at getting her first taste of his teenage rebellion. "That's a terrible thing to say. You're hurting my feelings, you know."

He wouldn't budge, squeezing his fingers together tightly, breathing slow and long, but quiet enough to not sound belabored. He didn't want to start screaming, or cause a fuss. She had worked endlessly to scrub out that 'unproductive behavior'. Crying and yelling meant nothing to her, besides being a waste of her time.

"It hurts my feelings that you don't call me 'Flash'."

There was another pause, but it wasn't comfortable. It felt like the air in the cabin was thick with needles. The illusion of parity between them dried up, and he could sense his mother's horror at being tested on a fight she had already won.

"You want a cartoon name, I say fine. I never want to tell you what to do with your life, as long as your happy." In the reflection of the window, Flash could see she was staring straight ahead through the windshield, looking highly unamused. "But you cannot make me call my own son a name I didn't give him. My God, it would sound like I'm calling for one of the dogs."

Flash had to bite his tongue, they had indeed already had this conversation. Flash's feelings apparently also meant nothing to her if it meant she would end up looking bad. He would only ever be a priority to her so long as he matched her image. He felt sorry for Mari, all of the sudden. His mother must have taken his silence as agreeance, as a small self-satisfied sigh escaped her.

"Well, regardless of how the time will be, you are going home." Her voice returned to being light and airy. "Unless you want me to drop you off in the woods."

She clearly meant it as a joke, and as Flash knew it, a segue into no longer discussing the issue by insinuating that any other alternative than listening to her was ridiculous. Flash knew these tricks now, saw how they worked on people to make them feel ashamed and like they couldn't handle anything on their own. Flash knew better, though. He knew he could handle himself, that he was strong, smart, and capable. He didn't ever have to just accept things as they were, he was able to make the world bend to his will too.

"Drop me off at Darius' lodge." Flash said tersely.

"Have you asked Darius if you can stay at his lodge?" She rebutted quickly, not in the slightest off-put by the new element of the argument. He was her fourth child after all. "He's invited his hunting mates for the summer, you know that. They aren't going to want to babysit you. Not only that, but your horse, Demetrius..."

"Have Luis bring Zarkov to the lodge. I'll tell Darius when we get there."

"Oh? You will, will you?" She was incredulous. It almost sounded like she was looking forward to watching him be proven wrong. "I see. You want to have everything your own way now. It doesn't matter that you're breaking my heart, or putting out your older brother on his vacation. Do you know how hard his training is, how much he looks forward to these summer hunting trips?"

He did, of course. Beyond all odds though, he cared more about his own health and happiness than theirs. She must have thought him so selfish. No telling how she would describe this to his father. There was no point in responding, then. She wanted him to admit that standing up for himself would hurt everyone, and perhaps it would. Still, someone had to. He would find a way to convince Darius. He'd sleep on the floor. In the trees.

Even though she kicked up a fuss, she was true to her word. She would drive to the lodge when the path to it came up. Amidst the massive acreage of the Holmwood estate, a small hunting lodge had been erected for Darius' 18th birthday. That meant this year was the 10th anniversary of his and his mates' annual summer hunting trips. As long as Flash had known him, Darius had never invited anyone from the family to lodge there with him. It wasn't even broached as a possibility. The very long car ride was not going to end in a happy reunion, most likely.

When they pulled in along the increasingly earthen road to the isolated building, the warm light was gleaming from within. A few cars were cold and silent in the light of the headlights as his mother pulled into the garage around the back. It was intentionally a short walk away from both the lodge and the stables, but their mum had already called ahead to Darius' mobile. She was sure to inform Flash of how cross he was that they were stopping by, but Flash tried not to let it psyche him out. Instead, he quickly starting typing up a message to Willow to calm his nerves.


He would feel another quick thrill in his heart as he saw Darius rounding the corner, his pace quick and impatient. Their mother was the first to leave the car and start talking to him, making sure it was well known that this wasn't her idea. Flash stayed still in the car for just a moment, his eyes closed as their voices turned into incoherent murmurs. Hearing from Willow helped. Reminded him that this was okay, reminded him that being a family meant loving each other even if they were a pest sometimes. With one more deep breath, he opened the door to face his brother.


"What's this fresh bullshit, Deme?" He said, not taking any steps at all to hide his displeasure.

He was dressed stylishly, clearly gussied up to show off for his guests. Flash was not in the least bit eager to learn what kind of company Darius kept. While Flash was starting to buck the idea that Valerius could do no wrong, he still couldn't sympathize with Darius' form of rebellion. He showed up to family events, played nice, but did little more than the bare minimum. All he wanted was wealth and freedom, which must have convinced him he had a good life. An enviable one, one more amazing than anyone elses'. It was this point of view that saw Flash's interruption as a skip in the record. Flash would need to convince him to see it another way if he was going to redirect this petty anger.

"Hasn't Mum told you?" Making light of it. De-escalation. Stalling.

"You can't just invite yourself to my private property, you little snot!"

Darius smashed his hand onto Flash's forehead and shook it. It wasn't painful, but a little bit embarrassing. Flash grabbed at the offending arm and tossed it off of him, annoyed, but in desperate need of his favor.

"You would be doing me a favor. At home they only want to lecture me, keep an eye on me, and I'm tired of it." Flash started, an offended gasp elicited from his mother due to his sudden brashness. "Please, it's only 29 days. I will help with chores, whatever you need. I'll be quiet."

As he spoke, he was watching Darius' expression carefully. He wasn't like the others, he expected everyone to deal with his emotions, and refused to pretend to be different than he was. Not that it was an all-around admirable trait, it was moreso annoying and arrogant. Still, it would make it very clear that his words were leaning on the right door, as a self-righteous smirk showed to one side of his mouth. It was why he never stayed at the house himself, wasn't it? Flash hoped he could at least partly sympathize.

"Did you do something stupid? Hiding isn't going to save you, you know."

Great advice, would have been lovely to have a year ago instead of telling him to get a girlfriend. Still, this push back was weak, Darius either already heard what he wanted to hear, or he was just getting a kick in as recompense for whatever Flash's presence would make him have to deal with. Any disturbance at all was still a disturbance.

"I'm not hiding, I want freedom." Flash answered, his hands knitting together for the outrage he knew this would cause his mother.

"What on earth... Demetrius, is this because of the name?" Diversion, suggestion, picking the easiest target for ridicule. "Or your stunt on the roof? You could have gotten that boy killed, you know. Freedom doesn't mean mad recklessness that puts you and others in danger."

"It's okay, Mum. He's a teenager now, isn't he?" Darius said, now brandishing a full smile. He turned back to Flash, his arms still tightly crossed. "You'll do everything I say, no questions asked. Got it? My lodge isn't any more 'free' than the mansion, I'm just a different kind of jailor."

It was a fair point, Flash always hated when Darius was right, which was unfortunately common. Still, at this point it would have been ridiculous to change his mind. He was accruing an ever-growing debt of lectures at this point, and as much as he didn't like to imagine what menial tasks Darius was imagining forking over, it still seemed leaps better than a quiet round table discussion in disappointment and leash tightening. Maybe, possibly, he might even have fun.

"Okay." Flash replied with a small bow of his head, ignoring his mother's protests.

It wasn't a pleasant scene after that. While his mother truly had no intention of making Flash go with her, she had to make it perfectly clear that she was being unjustly strung out in this situation, not only because she went out to pick Flash up herself, but because he was over-reacting, being childish, and whatever else she could think of to add another layer of guilt to her departure. Flash felt hurt himself, even anxious for what this minor act of rebellion would mean in the long run, but similarly, he couldn't see how going with her would do him any good.

It wasn't as though they needed another perfect son, he had worked himself to the bone to hit the standard they projected, but more and more, he was starting to suspect all of them were faking it. Even if they weren't, he wouldn't survive their expectations in one piece. His body would, but who he was inside... didn't want to be wrapped up in their misery.

The sound of her car's engine becoming indistinguishable from the sounds of the thick woods around them was followed by a deep rush of relief. He was sure it was the right choice, it felt good.