Rise in Emotions PV Haley Rose Closed

Haley tried to leave the circle of students as calmly as possible, but as soon as she thought she was out of reach, she stormed off. Actually, she didn't even care if anyone saw it or not, she was just...angry at that moment. Was she angry? Desperate? She didn't know and that only made her angrier. What had just happened? Was Simon really mad at her and if so, why? It was all supposed to be just a bit of fun, but now it ended in a rotten mood. She just wanted to distract herself from everything that had happened. The whole summer camp she had put on a perfect mask, but now that she was so upset, the mask fell and it seemed like everything was falling in on her. She just wanted to run and scream and cry and at the same time just not do anything.

Not only had she gone through a traumatic experience with her grandfather that she tried as hard as she could to suppress, but now she had probably upset Simon, the last person she wanted to upset. But was he even right to be angry? After all, he knew what he was getting into with this game and after all, he had kissed other girls. She thought of his last kiss with Atlas and a knot formed in her stomach. If he liked kissing her so much, let him stay with her. The anger in Haley grew and her legs speed up. She just ran now and tried to be as quiet as possible, she just wanted to be alone and get a clear head.

She stopped at a tree and slid down it, by now tears were running down her cheeks, which she hadn't noticed until just now. She tussled her hair and let her head fall into her lap. What was wrong with her? Was she really mad at Simon? Maybe a little, but she couldn't blame him for anything. Much more was the problem, which was deeper. She now looked up again into the black sky before her eyes fell on her arms. She carefully stroked the scratches and wounds on her arms, which were not yet completely healed but covered with makeup. She did the same on her face until she suddenly heard her name. Damn it, Haley. Where the hell are you?

Haley hadn't heard the first shouts from Simon, but now she heard him and she also heard how pissed he was. Her eyes turned around and there she saw him standing and she considered for a moment to just sit here and hope he wouldn't find her. But she wasn't like that, so she slowly stood up and just as she walked around the tree, Simon's voice rang out again.

Had he really just said that? All her sanity had disappeared again and with energetic steps she walked straight towards him, her gaze fixed and anger visible again as well. "What the hell did you just call me?" she snapped back at him and if it wasn't Simon she was walking towards, everyone else would have probably run away from her. "I am NOT fucking juvenile!" she grumbled at him and stopped right in front of him, looking directly into his eyes with her evil stare.

"You want to talk?" she continued, crossing her arms. "Go ahead, talk!" she urged him with a raised eyebrow. "Talk about how you just kissed Atlas." She rolled her eyes and again she could feel the knot in her stomach. "Or should we talk about how you obviously have some kind of problem with me?" she continued, anger rising more and more, but at the same time she knew it was wrong. They shouldn't be fighting, but there was so much negative energy in Haley that was just overflowing. Maybe it was just the right thing to push Simon away, not burden him with her problems and allow him to kiss any girl he wants. Not to have a girlfriend by his side who regularly had any problems and was broken inside. No, he didn't deserve that and this could be her chance to save him from that.

Haley couldn't help but snort mockingly and roll her eyes, this really wasn't the time for sarcasm but Simon obviously wanted to push it to the limit and if that was what he wanted then he was going to get it. "First of all, I am not foolish!" she began to fire back at him "oh bohoo, let me tell you something, I don't care about the forbidden forest," she laughed incredulously and shook her head, "Now don't act like this is really about that, like you care about that now." She accused her boyfriend, knowing full well that wasn't what it was about right now.

And it didn't take long before they were really on the subject and Simon didn't stop. Was he serious? Explaining the game to her? She KNEW how it went, after all, it was he who had a problem with it. But just as she was getting her words right, ready to counter, to make it clear to him that there was nothing wrong with her reaction and he had no reason to be worried or jealous about anything, but then came his last sentence. I don't know anything anymore when it comes to you.

Those words hit her, they really hit her hard. She blinked a few times and took a step back, breaking eye contact. It was a clean shot right into her chest. Her punch was gone, her words that she had been mulling over a moment ago were jumbled and gone. She stood there, opened her mouth, but the words did not come. She only felt the pain and did not know what to say. And before she could have collected herself in any way, Simon continued with his words, the pain inside her only spreading. It was hard for her to keep her eyes up, she could hardly concentrate on his words, she just tried to hold back the tears.

Visit with your grandparents - it was as if a film was playing at these words. She had a flashback. She clutched her arms, could feel the wounds that were not visible. Around her was the basement room, the beatings and the words, the pain. Tears ran silently down her cheeks but before she could let the pain win, adrenaline shot through her body.

She looked up now, her red eyes straight into Simon's. "You ARE a damned idiot, when this is what you really think." She said indignantly and far too loudly. She couldn't believe he had just said that and really thought that. "Aiden..." she began and paused briefly, "Aiden is my best friend." She finished the sentence. Yes he was and she loved him, but she loved him in a friendship way. There was no one other than Simon she wanted to be with like they were, but she seemed unable to convey that. "There's nothing with Aiden at all except a friendship! Aiden is... he's... he saved me!" She said and it was the truth. He had saved her from the basement but she left the sentence as it was. She had already said too much and hoped Simon would take it as meaning he had saved her in an emotional way and not really from anything or anyone.

But she wanted to avoid letting those words linger too much in the air and sighed before continuing. "You know, maybe you're just right. I'm a bad girlfriend and no one should have to deal with someone like that." She turned her back on Simon.

Just leave him alone, you're no good anyway, her mind told her and she believed it. She wasn't good enough. She took one deep breath, her body was on strike, it wouldn't move, it wouldn't leave. Her heart screamed for Simon but her mind fought it and finally she managed to force her legs to move.

Haley didn't know what to do anymore, she felt stupid and way too dramatic but she was just a stupid stupid kid. She was a wreck and everything she brought with her was negative and the last person who deserved that was Simon. As much as she needed him, she couldn't be selfish now, could she? She couldn't burden him with her problems again, it was bad enough that she had been a bad girlfriend.

She stopped at his words and looked down at the floor, her back still turned to him. She squinted her eyes, the tears continued to fall and she took one deep breath. All she wanted to do was turn around and hug him. To tell him what had happened, to apologise for everything and to promise him that she would be a good girlfriend to him. She really wanted to do that, but she couldn't.

"No one can handle me!" she said to him as she turned around. Her eyes red, her face wet with tears. "And you don't deserve this." She spoke softly now, lowering her gaze again. "You don't deserve to be angry because of someone's behaviour. You don't deserve someone making you feel like there's distance, let alone someone else standing between you. And three guesses - that someone is me."

She looked at him again now and walked towards him until she was standing directly in front of him. She was still angry, but not at Simon, just at herself. Sobbing, she took his face in her hands and looked back and forth between his eyes. "I'm not good for you. I'm treating you unfairly and shutting you out." She gulped further, her gaze continuing to meet his eyes. "I can't keep burdening you with my childish drama like this." At these words, she loosened her grip on his face and took a few steps backwards.

"I'm sorry, Simon." She clutched her upper body and held herself. She couldn't lose him, but the most logical thing for her to do was to push him away. To keep him from this crap, to protect him, after all she didn't know what else her grandfather was up to. "I really am." Her heart ached, her stomach hurt and it was like she was feeling all the pain from the basement again. She didn't want to think about it, talk about it or feel it again, but she did. She couldn't escape it and now there was a much worse pain, the heartbreak. The pain after the first fight.

Her head was full of thoughts and empty at the same time. The world was spinning too fast and her vision was also becoming more and more blurred. She couldn't help but squat down and wrap her arms around her legs. She closed her eyes, still crying silently and just wanting to be in security. The security she had pushed away from herself.

Haley could not take her eyes off the ground. She listened to Simon and wanted to shout to the world that the last thing she really wanted to do was to shut him out, but she thought it would have been best. She wiped the tears from her face a little too aggressively and dropped onto her bottom. But how could the girl talk to him when she couldn't even bear to look things over? When she herself had hidden everything so deep inside and had put on a mask to deceive not only others, but most of all herself?

"No you weren't." She finally spoke and looked up. Simon was anything but a jerk, he was her saviour, her secret keeper and so much more and he didn't deserve her shutting him out. "Oh yes I do, I'm the one who needs to apologise." Laughed Haley sarcastically and shook her head. She was pathetic and she knew it. She kept hearing it, the voice in her head. The memory that kept making it sound like she was just a stupid stupid kid. And she was. Here at this moment, in the cellar at her grandfather's, all her life.

She flinched briefly at Simon's touch, but was quickly brought back. She wasn't in the cold cellar. She was at Hogwarts, next to her was Simon and he would never hurt her. Her eyes fell on his hand and wandered to his face. She gave him a very slight smile, barely noticeable, and placed her hand carefully on his. She didn't know if he could feel the wounds, but she had no strength to worry about that now. The make-up was probably gone from all the tears too, revealing her small scars and injuries on her face, luckily for her it was dark, but what she wasn't thinking about was the eyesight of a dhampir at night.

"I can't." Answered Haley now and that was the truth. She didn't have the strength or the words to do it now. "Not today." She added, wanting to show Simon that she didn't want to shut him out any longer. Even though everything inside her was screaming to push him away, she finally gave in to his words. His words and her feelings, because it was the last thing her heart wanted, to be without Simon by her side. "I need time. I just can't. I know-" she started sobbing again and had to interrupt her sentence.

The sobbing turned into crying, this time no longer softly, but the crying could be heard. Not loudly, but she couldn't hide the fact that she was crying. So she sat there again, like a pathetic little child, crying to herself. She hated herself at that moment and her sadness turned back into anger and back into sadness and back into despair. It was a vicious circle.

"I will talk to you. I promise. Just not today." She could only hope that Simon would understand. But she would understand if he just got up and left her sitting here, he had every right to do so.