Why am I here? pv Aldor Humbleglow Finished

The boy was reading something before Vivan decided to walk up to him, it wasn't obvious what the book was, it just seemed like it was a long boring book, many pages and many unending letters that didn't seem to even pause for a second, this was the worst nightmare a person who didn't like books could have. Of course, Aldor heard her, even before she stomped the floor 'casually', but somehow, he didn't think that someone would be looking for him this time.

''H-Hey, sure you can-''

His face was a bit gloomy even when he forced himself to smile, in fact he looked like the day they first decided to walk away, sick, sleepless, with a cold look that could only be described as scared. He didn't forget about the reason why he was in this state, how was he supposed to forget that day? Aldor had been thinking about it day and night, even to the point in which he couldn't do anything without having the thought of her walking away in his mind.

'YOU HURT HER, YOU DIDN'T SAY THINGS LIKE YOU WANTED TO AND MESSED UP. SHE WON'T BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE. HOW COULD SOMEONE LIKE HER HAVE FRIENDS LIKE YOU? MONSTER'

These thoughts and more kept racing through the Hufflepuff's head, the worst part of it all, was that he wasn't sure if it was worth being worried about it or not.

His mind and logics made him think that he should just forget it and that it was better for both of them if they never spoke about it ever again. But something else called him from the middle of the unknown, something that was begging him to solve things, to clarify what he said. Was this even posible? He didn't know, but he felt the need to obey whatever was telling him to fix his mistakes, or at least try.

''How are you?-''

Aldor began fidgetting with his own thumbs, he was doing this on top of the table instead of under it, so for Vivian, it was very obvious that the kid was extremely nervous. But things didn't change, he was still thinking of a way to fix this as hard as he could, but he was currently stuck, he couldn't think of anything.

He looked back at Vivian with an innocent smile, even though this was the way that Aldor usually looked, the air was still strange, heavy, creepy, just like the day that they found each other at Diagon Alley. There was no doubt about it, something about Aldor was causing this. Sadly, the boy didn't even know that he had developed whatever was around him, he didn't know that all of the fears and anger that were trapped within him were starting to manisfest themselves as this aura.

But it was obvious, it was stronger than that day, a new feeling added up to the already terrible aura around him.

Shame.


@Vivian Fletcher

code by Lucia Fox

Interacting with @Aldor Humbleglow

Did he really didn’t notice her? Or did he ignored and pretended to not see her just like her? Maybe it was so true when he indirectly said he didn’t want her “Thanks”, she murmured with her eyes looking crinkled as she placed the book on the table. no maybe he was just engrossed in his book that he couldn’t take his eyes off from it, that must be it. After all, Aldor wasn’t one who would ignore people on purpose, that’s what she believed. But... His face looked glum even when he smiled, it was probably because she wasn’t invited, he simply accepted her to sit for the sake of being kind and also she sat down before he could say.

It was too late to move from this place now, even if it isn’t, she would probably not going to move. She didn’t walk there to move after just saying ‘Hi’. Coming out of all the thoughts when Aldor talked, “I am good, you?... I didn’t expect you here today” she lied, smiling at him. He looked nervous which looked normal in the girl’s eyes, maybe she got used to it. Only seeing him calm would surprise her anymore. This was also the first time, the blonde was glad when he looked nervous, it partly proved he didn’t forget about that day with put a smile on her face. stop it! He doesn’t want you, and he probably moved on and doesn’t like you anymore faded the smile as soon as the thoughts occurred.

Why did it relax her today even tho he said he didn’t want her? Her mind knows she should move on from it but she couldn't act accordingly, it was so hard to behave like she forgot everything. The blonde didn’t realise she was staring at him all this time and forgot that she took a book with her until he looked back at her with a smile, she didn’t smile back but raised her eyebrows slightly at him. “Did you just look at me?” she blurted out. stop saying everything in your mind!why did she ask this question? It was so inappropriate at this time, he clearly looked at her.

When they met last time, he avoided looking at her eyes but now he just looked at her casually. Does that mean that he no more has feelings for her? Yes, she researched online during the holidays on why a person avoids someone eyes and it said there is a possibility that he likes that person. “I mean... that day you didn’t”, oh no! Again she’s mentioning ‘that day’, she should just ban herself from saying ‘that day’, that’s what causing all the trouble. Smiling sheepishly at him, she finally reached for the book in front of her and opened the first page and looked intensely at the first line pretending not to care what she just said.

''I am alright I suppose, I didn't expect to see you here either-''

Supposing was probably not a good sign, and it was already obvious that he wasn't exactly healthy, just looking at his eyes would make anyone realize that once again, he was not sleeping properly.

He expected to talk about something with her, but not about that day. . . He wasn't ready to revive the memory again, was he? It was just all over his head again, when he finally managed to let the thought out of his brain for a few seconds, Vivian mentioned it, and it just seeemed like destiny wanted him to have a bad time.

''That day? You didn't forget either?-''

Aldor stared at her hands in silence, he didn't mean to say it that way at first, but he did not want to keep things unclear. This was too much to handle already. Last time, he felt completely devastated seeing Vivian cry, he didn't want to ever see that again, but if things kept going downhill, how were they going to fix their own mistakes?

''Vivi I-''

His voice dissapeared as soon as he tried to talk, was it fear that was stopping him from saying what he needed to say? He couldn't do much apart of forcing himself to say it, but even then, he wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do.

''-I don't want to keep running away from it, that day.''

He had a more serious look in his face, he didn't know why he was choosing to talk about this when he was terrified of it. So in the same calm tone he had before, he began to speak.

''I know assuming things is wrong but- You did not come here to pick a book, did you? I know it sounds like I am mocking you but it is not the case, I know you and- You wouldn't just take a book unless it was really necesary. And I know you are not looking for a book you need for a class because we take the same classes and what you're reading has nothing to do with any of the classes we are taking. So, unless you suddenly developed a liking for books in under two months, just-''

His breathing was heavy, even though he didn't raise his voice at all, he was talking fast, like he was desperate to get to a specific point in his conversation.

''Did you came here looking for me?- I just don't get why we keep running away from the topic if we always end up in the same place, I just- Want to talk it out, make things clear, just so we can stop being worried about this-''



@Vivian Fletcher

code by Lucia Fox

Interacting with @Aldor Humbleglow

What has she done?! No, no, no this is not what she expected today, she wanted this day to be a smooth one, not another problematic day. How much ever she tried to control her mouth, it didn’t seem to work, it was causing more and more trouble to her. All she wanted to do is see, talk and have a good time with him but her eyes and mouth are not cooperating with her. Now he asked her whether she didn’t forget ‘that stupid day’, she hid her face behind the book.

Wait did he say either? Does that prove he didn’t forget it? A small smile stretched on her lips. That was partly a relief but it was still pain that he wants to recollect it. He didn’t want to run away from that, the blonde assumed it was because he stopped liking her. He was probably embarrassed about liking her, wasn’t he? Placing her book back on the table, she rubbed her face with her hands and noticed the serious expression on his face. Even after warning herself to forget it as soon as possible, not to go inside, not to sit with him, not to talk to him about that day, she didn’t listen to any of it.

Her eyebrows raised in surprise at how much he knows about her, someone knowing a lot about her was so special to her. Even her own mother wouldn’t know a lot about her. This boy spilt out probably everything inside her head but it would be nicer if he could know how she feels inside her heart so that she doesn’t have to do the tough job of explaining it to him. She just let him say everything without interrupting him before opening her mouth and saying nothing and closing it again.

“Relax” as she gently lifted his face, forcing him to look at her and chuckled, “Why are you reading my mind?”. Cocking her head, “I- I just don’t know” with her fingers still placed on his chin. “I don’t know why I came here, I don’t know why I picked a random book from the shelf, I don’t know why I am smiling at the sight of you, I don’t know why I came to sit with you now but-”, she shrugged her shoulder as she stopped but her gaze was still fixed on his eyes.

Her face looking worried, “I know you don’t want me as your... ‘more than a friend’ and I guess, you stopped liking me but- but I think I-”, swallowing hard, she stopped before she could say the next word. This is not the right time and no time is the right time to say it, she should basically stop this all but she couldn’t. Her feeling is having control over her and she couldn’t help but listening to what it says.

Aldor's face went red after she placed her hand on his chin, even then, is expression didn't change much. He was thinking way too hard and yet, he couldn't find a way to make his brain focus on one thing at a time. Worrying wasn't going to solve anything, in fact, he was going to make everything worst if he kept thinking that way, he needed to quit being fearful, if he wanted to say things clear, he needed to be honest.

''Who said I stopped liking you?-''

His expression softened a little as he stopped fidgetting with his thumbs and placed his hand next to Vivian's, he was going to gently push her hand way since he wasn't very comfortable with having her hand on his chin, but in the end, he didn't, he would put his hand back on the table, looking silently at his palm.

''I thought you were the one who was scared of me because I told you what I felt-''

It was about time both of the Hufflepuffs realized that neither of them had the full picture, the two of them had their on perspective on hat happened, their own worries and fears, but in the end, it just seemed like both were wrong and right at the same time, it was a whole puzzle, and even though Aldor loved puzzles, he was definetely not having any fun right now.

''I still- feel the same way but I don't know how to explain it without feeling like my brain is going to melt down-''

His voice was shaky, his breathing was obviously very heavy, finally look into Vivian's eyes, this would be a perfect romantic scene to some people, but for Aldor, this was more like the end of the world, the worst case scenario in which he admited he liked her and everything went down.

The only way he could describe the feeling he was going through was a man forgetting to put the brake to his truck while he went shopping, that same truck crashing into some rocks falling, setting itself on flames for some reason, falling off a cliff and into a lake, and somehow still managing to explode into little pieces, and all of that while causing a forest fire, and the man ended up having no truck and a being sent to prison for being so careless about his belongings and causing so much chaos.

It was intense, exagerated, but that was how it all felt to Aldor.

''I-I do want to go out with you but, I just don't know what I am supposed to do or how you are were going to react if I said it and I just wanted you to forget because I didn't want you to hate me or something- Not because I didn't like you.''



@Vivian Fletcher

code by Lucia Fox

Interacting with @Aldor Humbleglow

“You said-” Viv said immediately tilting her head for a second until she realised what he just said now. Her face looking blank and her jaw dropped a little, “D-D-Does that mean you still like me?”, she smiled slightly until she noticed his hand moving near hers and going back again. Vivian doesn’t know a lot about Aldor but she knows that he doesn’t like to be touched. But wasn’t he the one who touched first? The blonde tried to control her chuckle but she couldn’t, “Oh, Sorry” as she freed his chin from her hand and slid to the corner of the bench.

Her voice broke as she was biting her cheeks to control her laugh, “Is this space enough? as she ran her hands through her hair to remove the rubber band which would possibly hide her face from him. Turning again to look at him, she propped her chin on her hand which was placed on the table. She wasn’t scared of him if she was... why would she go search him and sit beside him, she smiled and her face flushed a little “Yes, I was scared... thinking that you no more like me” . It was so new to her, she has never experienced it before.

she could hear her own heartbeat and couldn’t stop blushing even for a second. His voice being shaky at this moment amused her and made her blush even more. With a smile, “Okay, you should relax actually” shaking her head which made her hair move quickly to the sides. Explaining something was not easy and it never would be, who want to be explained when they could feel it. Her stomach was filled with butterflies now when he mentioned going out with her.

Tapping the table with her fingers nervously, at the same time looking into his green eyes, “So.... do you still want to go out with me?” as she narrowed her eyes a little. He would probably say yes, right? But what if he had any reason to say no? What will she do? Of course, she would be embarrassed but that wasn’t the only problem. She would feel bad and cry all day and night, but after all this why would he say no to her? he wouldn’t, he said he still likes her. But still...

Aldor was increasingly nervous, but it wasn't to a point that made him look cute, it was rather worrying, he actually look scared, extremely uncomfortable, his breathing, the way he was eating, the sick look he had on his face. He looked terrible.

''I-I don't know, what do you want me to tell you? Is not like I know what to do in anyway-''''

He would hold onto his own wrist, he was shaking a little, 'you should relax', he definetely should, but he was already getting over the point of nno return, his heart beat was going faster than ever and his mind was thinking about a thousand things at the same time.

''I don't know what you want me to say, why do you even want to know how I feel about this? What good does it do for you if I wanted to go out with you? Is that you have fun seeing me like this?-''

His voice was getting increasingly shaky, was he going to cry? He couldn't, Aldor was not that sort of person, right? It was hard to know at this point, last time they were together he almost did, but managed to keep himself from letting himself cry for real. He hasn't actually cried many times in his life. Last time he cried might have been a month ago, maybe even more.

He was used to the feeling of having too many things in his mind, but he was feeling worst than usual, maybe it was related to his sleeping habits slowly becoming worst and worst. Or maybe it was the fact that there were many things that he wasn't understanding, not only about Vivian, his other friends, the strange dissapearance of his mother and how his father was sick, it seemed like a lot for a young teen to handle, and even worst, Aldor never expressed all of these worries to anyone, not even to his aunt, his only family.

''I-I just want to understand why I am feeling like this, I want to know why I think it would be nice if we had something but I don't even understand how any of this is supposed to work-''


@Vivian Fletcher

code by Lucia Fox

Interacting with @Aldor Humbleglow

What does that question mean? He was asking her about what she’s expecting from him, it was mystifying for the blonde girl. Of course, she wanted him to say yes but how could she say it to him. It would look as though she’s forcing someone to love her. His face looking so sick made her worry and doubt herself. Is there anything wrong with her? Why does he look so uncomfortable? Her head was filled with lots of questions and it disturbed her. Maybe she was making him feel uneasy, that must be a reason.

The very big doubt she had was whether he was uncomfortable with just her or with everyone else. This is so wrong, she couldn’t bear seeing him so sick, “Al-” with a worried look and no more smiling, she went near him. A hurt smile formed on her lips when he started speaking, why does everyone speaks whatever they want just because they have a mouth? Tucking her hair behind her ears, “You’re right, how did you understand me so well? and yes, I had fun watching you look worried”,her lips trembled and her voice broke in between as she spoke.

Looking up at the ceiling as she sniffed back the tears, “Fun” she muttered. Fun was never the word that could hurt the blonde but today her inside burned when she heard this word. How can he think that she’s having fun looking at him uncomfortable? Couldn’t he understand that she likes him? Does she have to take a class for him to realise it? He is not a baby. Closing her eyes, she listened to his hurtful words and finally opened her mouth to say, “You are stupid”, wiping a teardrop that ran down her cheek.

“You either like me or you don’t!” pressing each and every word, the blonde was so irate and her face turned so red. Suddenly she turned to attempt placing both her palms against his cheeks, “ I know how uncomfortable you are with my touch which I don’t care at this moment but please don’t confuse me and I am just a normal human being, I can’t take this anymore, it’s hurting” her face looked so worried and her heart raced. “It has to be a 'yes' or a 'no', there is no in between” she whispered with her eyes looking intensely at the boy’s face.

Aldor couldn't control his own words anymore, without even thinking he finally opened up his heart instead of his brain, no more stupid worries and overthinking, he simply spoke from within his heart, having nothing to hold him back.

''-Well yes, I like you, and I like you so much that I can't help but worry every time I look at you because I know I am not a good friend and I always make everyone worry including you, I couldn't sleep since we met in Diagon Alley because I knew I said things that made you feel bad and I felt like a total idiot, and I agree, I am stupid.''

He took a deep breath as he kept talking, a tear dropped from his left eye, but once again, just like before, he didn't allow himself to cry. He kept holding on with all of his strength.

''I like you so much that is embarassing to be around you because I don't like being mean or rude or anything like that but I don't know how to act or say things around you-''

He placed his hands on the table, trying his best to simply let everything out, he couldn't just hide it again, it didn't help last time, it wouldn't help this time either.

''And yes, I would love to go out with you on dates, even if it isn't anything too fancy or serious, I just think I would be very happy if we got to know each other better than just sitting close in classes or speding time in the common room, but I can't ask you out because I messed up before and I can't live with that weight-''

He took a deep breath, managing to calm down, at least a little bit, he didn't have anything else to say, except for one thing in particular, something he should've said long ago.

''I am sorry- I didn't mean what I said about not wanting to be with you or you having fun with my suffering I-I wasn't thinking clearly and I shouldn't have involved you in all of my problems- It was never your fault, it was me, being really selfish.''

Finally, Aldor was taking a bit of a mature stance, instead of arguing about anything, he decided that it was time for him to be different.

And so, Aldor didn't say anything as he looked away trying not to let more tears fall from his eyes. Maybe crying would help, but he wasn't willing to do that.


@Vivian Fletcher