27 Jul 2021, 00:39
Sitting on the Sidelines
The chaos of summer camp was probably no surprise to many of the professors, who would certainly have known that having so many kids in one place could only end one way. Jake was a little more surprised, though he probably shouldn't have been. Other kids were crazy.
Today's activity was a gigantic game of truth or dare, one that Jake had refused to play in. He didn't even know which one of truth or dare sounded scarier. It wasn't the first camp activity that Jake had refused to play in... Every night at 9PM a lot of the other students went out to a big campfire to have s'mores and listen to scary stories. Jake didn't like scary stories. He DID like s'mores... but getting one meant maybe hearing a story. The first time, Jake had just stayed back in his bunk, but that'd been before he found out Howard was staying there too. Caught between an encounter with Howard and hearing the stories, Jake had done the only thing he could. Each night Jake would huddle as far from the stories as he could get, and cover his ears and wait for them to be over. It was miserable, not to mention 11PM being quite past his bedtime.
To tell the truth though, staying back that first night hadn't been very much better. Lying in his bed, he had found that he couldn't sleep. The cabin had just felt so much more empty. He didn't get why he felt lonely when everybody was doing something he didn't like in the first place, but he did, he supposed... or at least that's what he THOUGHT he felt like...
Whatever the feeling was he felt like it now, as he sat down on the sidelines, working on a drawing and listening to the sounds of the game. In fact he'd been feeling it more and more lately. Sitting on the sides was better than playing at least. At least here he could watch from a safe distance. Nobody could ask him any truths or give him any dares. It just maybe sometimes felt a little lonely. He wished he could just do arts and crafts all day, but it was only open from 3-5. The sports area was open all day... He didn't get why the arts and crafts area wasn't, but maybe it wasn't as popular. There were even some kids that found arts and crafts boring which Jake just couldn't understand. But maybe that confusion was how they would feel when they found out that other activities like getting dirty in a tomato war didn't sound fun at all to Jake...
Normally, Jake didn't mind sitting by himself. He usually got overwhelmed by too many people. Why should it feel bad to hear the sounds of others' laughter? He should have been happy but.... What was it that made everybody else have a lot of fun doing all of these things that sounded just awful to him? Why was he always the one sitting out? Why did he always have to be different?
Jake looked down at his drawing, a glum expression upon his face, though drawing usually made him feel at peace. His Mum had wanted to know everything about camp and so he had tried his best to draw the Kelpie cabin. It changed just about every day but every time it at least was cozy. The drawing was on one side of a card, and he'd put some glitter on as well (because it was there) along with his message about camp. He hadn't mentioned the bad parts.
The truth that he wouldn't put inside of a letter was that he was beginning to wonder whether it had been such a great idea to even COME to camp. It was August, which was his birthday month, and he had a big birthday coming up. It was 12 days away to be exact. His parents hadn't seemed very happy that he wasn't going to be home for it. At the time he had insisted he had wanted to be with his friends, but now he was suddenly starting to feel a bit homesick and wonder if that was true. After all, would his friends really care if he wasn't there? He didn't even play half the things at camp, so they'd probably have more fun without him anyway...
@Kit Paine
27 Jul 2021, 05:11
Sitting on the Sidelines
The caretaker strolled the campgrounds, his hands clasped resolutely behind his back as kids took turns asking each other truths or dares as one of the scheduled activities for camp. He smiled serenely as he walked, chuckling here or there when he heard a particularly fussy participant or an exceptionally good answer.
Despite all the fun the students seemed to be having, however, not everyone seemed to enjoy the idea of the game. One boy sat far enough away from the others to avoid being included in their shenanigans, but close enough so as to suggest he still wanted to enjoy their company. Kit's smile turned sympathetic as he went over to the boy, crouching down in front of him to better meet his gaze.
"Mind if I sit here?" he asked, patting the place beside the kid. Regarding the child at a closer range, he noticed that the boy was drawing. That realization only served to broaden Kit's grin.
"Oh, neat! Are you drawing someone or something? Is that why you're over here sitting all by your lonesome?" He gestured behind him at the other students. "I'm sure they'd love for you to join them if you wanted to. Not keen on it, though?"
@Jake Morris
When you think you're alone - that no one cares and you don't matter, please remember: You matter to me.
3 Aug 2021, 03:25
Sitting on the Sidelines
@Kit Paine
Jake looked up surprised, as he heard a voice ask for a seat, a shadow cast upon his card. Shaken from his concentration, the little Hufflepuff raised his head, and saw the sun had been blocked out. It wasn't another kid though - it was the school caretaker. The man patted a spot beside Jake and asked if Jake minded if he sat. For a few moments the twelve-year-old's eyes took in the new arrival, before he shook his head.
"I mean...I don't mind," Jake clarified. When people asked things like that he always felt like it got confusing. Shaking your head felt like you were saying no they couldn't. He watched as the caretaker sat down beside him, and then let his eyes drift back to what he was doing. After a moment, he realized that Mr. Kit was watching his drawing (Though Jake knew that many at the school referred to the caretaker by his first name, calling a grown-up by their first name just felt wrong).
"It's just um, a drawing of my cabin," Jake explained. Sheepishly, he turned the card to face the man, letting him see the drawing he had been meticulously working on all morning, which sat alongside the boy's tepid letter about camp. "It's hard to draw 'cause it changes every day."
After letting the man see, Jake turned the drawing back to himself. He concentrated for a moment, as he bit his lip and finished what he was doing - putting in place the outline of one of the cozy chairs that was in the main room (or at least it had been this morning).
"My Mum wants to know what it looks like," he said, feeling a familiar pang in his chest as he did - a hollow feeling that sometimes hit him at the worst times. It was a pang that he hadn't felt in a while - until camp, that was - but over his years at Hogwarts, homesickness had been a regular visitor to Jake. He had gotten used to the pangs, and how to control them without crying. Not crying was something he'd been getting better at in general...like last week, he'd tripped and skinned his knee and he'd only teared up a tiny little bit, even though it'd hurt a lot.
But homesickness sometimes felt worse than any skinned knee ever could.
Jake's face grew darker as the man pointed out that Jake was sitting by his lonesome. The word lonesome sounded an awful lot like lonely, and for a moment it felt to Jake like the man could see what he was thinking.
"I guess so..." he mumbled, looking up towards where the other children were playing, as Mr. Kit suggested joining them and asked why he hadn't.
"I'm not keen on it," the boy answered, echoing the man's words, and shaking his head once more. "I don't even get what's so fun about that game anyway," Jake pointed out. "Who wants to get dared to do stuff?"
He looked back down, and studied his drawing again. "I have more fun by myself anyway..." Though the boy's words sounded sure, his voice told a different story.
Jake looked up surprised, as he heard a voice ask for a seat, a shadow cast upon his card. Shaken from his concentration, the little Hufflepuff raised his head, and saw the sun had been blocked out. It wasn't another kid though - it was the school caretaker. The man patted a spot beside Jake and asked if Jake minded if he sat. For a few moments the twelve-year-old's eyes took in the new arrival, before he shook his head.
"I mean...I don't mind," Jake clarified. When people asked things like that he always felt like it got confusing. Shaking your head felt like you were saying no they couldn't. He watched as the caretaker sat down beside him, and then let his eyes drift back to what he was doing. After a moment, he realized that Mr. Kit was watching his drawing (Though Jake knew that many at the school referred to the caretaker by his first name, calling a grown-up by their first name just felt wrong).
"It's just um, a drawing of my cabin," Jake explained. Sheepishly, he turned the card to face the man, letting him see the drawing he had been meticulously working on all morning, which sat alongside the boy's tepid letter about camp. "It's hard to draw 'cause it changes every day."
After letting the man see, Jake turned the drawing back to himself. He concentrated for a moment, as he bit his lip and finished what he was doing - putting in place the outline of one of the cozy chairs that was in the main room (or at least it had been this morning).
"My Mum wants to know what it looks like," he said, feeling a familiar pang in his chest as he did - a hollow feeling that sometimes hit him at the worst times. It was a pang that he hadn't felt in a while - until camp, that was - but over his years at Hogwarts, homesickness had been a regular visitor to Jake. He had gotten used to the pangs, and how to control them without crying. Not crying was something he'd been getting better at in general...like last week, he'd tripped and skinned his knee and he'd only teared up a tiny little bit, even though it'd hurt a lot.
But homesickness sometimes felt worse than any skinned knee ever could.
Jake's face grew darker as the man pointed out that Jake was sitting by his lonesome. The word lonesome sounded an awful lot like lonely, and for a moment it felt to Jake like the man could see what he was thinking.
"I guess so..." he mumbled, looking up towards where the other children were playing, as Mr. Kit suggested joining them and asked why he hadn't.
"I'm not keen on it," the boy answered, echoing the man's words, and shaking his head once more. "I don't even get what's so fun about that game anyway," Jake pointed out. "Who wants to get dared to do stuff?"
He looked back down, and studied his drawing again. "I have more fun by myself anyway..." Though the boy's words sounded sure, his voice told a different story.
5 Aug 2021, 03:59
Sitting on the Sidelines
"That's a very nice cabin drawing. Especially for a cabin that changes every day," Kit told the young artist as he was given the card to examine. "You did an excellent job. Most kids I know wouldn't even try drawing something so difficult. I'm sure your mum will be pleased."
He blinked as he noticed the boy's countenance darken, curious at the sudden change in disposition. When the kid answered with his thoughts on the game the others were playing, realization seeped in. It was the activity the other kids were taking part in that Jake didn't like, not the kids themselves or their company. Kit nodded slowly then, attempting to convey his understanding.
"Well, some kids find it fun to prove to themselves or others that they can do something someone didn't think they could do," the caretaker tried to reason. "But I see where you're coming from. You don't seem to need someone else to challenge you when you seem perfectly capable of challenging yourself." He nodded toward the drawing meaningfully.
"Is that really true?" Kit asked gently when Jake told him he had more fun by himself. "Let's see...if you could do something else with the other kids, what would you want to do?"
@Jake Morris
When you think you're alone - that no one cares and you don't matter, please remember: You matter to me.
9 Aug 2021, 09:08
Sitting on the Sidelines
@Kit Paine
"Thank you," Jake said, the boy nodding his head in recognition of the man's praise. Though he didn't much know the Hogwarts caretaker, very little felt better than praise from an adult. His face flushed as he looked down at his drawing once more, this seal of approval making him realize some of the ways it was very nice. Truth was, he had been so deep in thought he had barely even noticed.
Mr. Kit explained about the game the others were playing. Jake looked up at him doubtfully. He wanted to understand what he was being told. He had learned from a very young age to listen when adults were talking to the wisdom they could offer. Some adults were intimidating, but Mr. Kit was friendly. And Jake had learned that adults understood kids a lot better than Jake did, even though he WAS one. But the answer wasn't complete. It had said WHAT the other kids liked but it hadn't said WHY.
"But why? I don't get it...It's not like they're proving important stuff," Jake argued. "It's just...it's just dumb things, that nobody would wanna do anyway. They probably just wanna laugh at people..." he mumbled darkly. It was harsh, but true, wasn't it? Sure, he'd never actually played truth or dare, but he'd heard of it, and it didn't look like this game was going any different.
The only dares Jake had ever seen were one of two things: scary or embarrassing. The truth was, that Jake wasn't sure which of those seemed worse. It seemed like the person daring was always the one having more fun than the person doing the dare. Jake knew what it was like to be laughed at...why would he want to invite it?
Or...what if he got dared to do something dangerous? Some people thought doing dangerous things made you brave. Jake didn't think so, not really. Sometimes it just made you foolish. That's what he wanted to think anyway...But when he couldn't do it, if they all called him a scaredy-cat (or worse), then would it matter why they thought it, when Jake knew that they were right?
It was with those thoughts in his mind that Jake heard the man say that he didn't need to play since he already knew how to challenge himself. "Ya mean this...?" the Hufflepuff asked, surprised, looking down at the drawing. "That's not a real challenge..." he said quietly. After all, drawing was just about the only thing that had ever come easily to him. In a whole world that never made sense, drawing always did. It was the one thing that made him feel like he was good at something. Sometimes, just about every part of every day could feel hard, and drawing was the one thing that never had. "I like drawing."
Jake didn't want to say what he was thinking, but perhaps the man would catch the guilty look in his eyes, as he thought about the undeserved praise he had gotten. Jake wanted to believe what he was being told but deep down he knew it wasn't true. He didn't challenge himself... not like his friends did. He was always scared to.
Somebody had told him once that that didn't stop him from being brave. That going places even when you were scared to meant you were brave. That had been Ruka, when he'd gone to the Halloween ball, even when he was scared. At the time it had made him feel amazed. Maybe he really was brave too. There was just one thing that Jake couldn't understand. If he was brave to do something, when he was the only one scared, what did it mean about everybody else doing the same things when they were never scared in the first place? It was only when he looked at everybody else that the bad feelings started. When he realized how different he was. The things they could do he couldn't. And why he was always the one sitting out on the side - the activity he had just told the man that he preferred.
"Is that really true?" the caretaker asked him.
Embarrassed, Jake lowered his eyes once more, not just because it felt like the man could see that maybe he didn't like being by himself as much as he said he did, but also because he knew that his words hadn't been quite true, and he thought perhaps that Mr. Kit could see that he had lied. Though he didn't answer the question, his silence still spoke.
"What would I do?" Jake asked, surprised. That wasn't a question Jake got asked a lot when groups of kids got together. He was usually one of the quietest when he wasn't around just his friends, and he mostly did what the others told him to. "Um, well...I guess I like board games," he said shyly. "Or, just...well...playing with toys or something..." he said sheepishly."But Mr. Kit, I like things that they wouldn't like." He had tried to get George and Jack to play with stuffed animals before and found out quickly they didn't like that kind of play. Willow did and Lamik had, but it wasn't a lot.
Jake looked down once more at his drawing. "But my favorite thing to do is arts and crafts. It's the best part of camp and it's closed except for two hours a day. The sports stuff is open all day. It's not fair," Jake said sullenly, with an upset in his voice that went far beyond a closed arts and crafts tent.
It was then that it started to sink in that what he'd been doing since Mr. Kit sat next to him was arguing with a grown-up, and Jake's face changed, looking up with nervous eyes. Surely, he'd get in trouble for his outburst.
"Thank you," Jake said, the boy nodding his head in recognition of the man's praise. Though he didn't much know the Hogwarts caretaker, very little felt better than praise from an adult. His face flushed as he looked down at his drawing once more, this seal of approval making him realize some of the ways it was very nice. Truth was, he had been so deep in thought he had barely even noticed.
Mr. Kit explained about the game the others were playing. Jake looked up at him doubtfully. He wanted to understand what he was being told. He had learned from a very young age to listen when adults were talking to the wisdom they could offer. Some adults were intimidating, but Mr. Kit was friendly. And Jake had learned that adults understood kids a lot better than Jake did, even though he WAS one. But the answer wasn't complete. It had said WHAT the other kids liked but it hadn't said WHY.
"But why? I don't get it...It's not like they're proving important stuff," Jake argued. "It's just...it's just dumb things, that nobody would wanna do anyway. They probably just wanna laugh at people..." he mumbled darkly. It was harsh, but true, wasn't it? Sure, he'd never actually played truth or dare, but he'd heard of it, and it didn't look like this game was going any different.
The only dares Jake had ever seen were one of two things: scary or embarrassing. The truth was, that Jake wasn't sure which of those seemed worse. It seemed like the person daring was always the one having more fun than the person doing the dare. Jake knew what it was like to be laughed at...why would he want to invite it?
Or...what if he got dared to do something dangerous? Some people thought doing dangerous things made you brave. Jake didn't think so, not really. Sometimes it just made you foolish. That's what he wanted to think anyway...But when he couldn't do it, if they all called him a scaredy-cat (or worse), then would it matter why they thought it, when Jake knew that they were right?
It was with those thoughts in his mind that Jake heard the man say that he didn't need to play since he already knew how to challenge himself. "Ya mean this...?" the Hufflepuff asked, surprised, looking down at the drawing. "That's not a real challenge..." he said quietly. After all, drawing was just about the only thing that had ever come easily to him. In a whole world that never made sense, drawing always did. It was the one thing that made him feel like he was good at something. Sometimes, just about every part of every day could feel hard, and drawing was the one thing that never had. "I like drawing."
Jake didn't want to say what he was thinking, but perhaps the man would catch the guilty look in his eyes, as he thought about the undeserved praise he had gotten. Jake wanted to believe what he was being told but deep down he knew it wasn't true. He didn't challenge himself... not like his friends did. He was always scared to.
Somebody had told him once that that didn't stop him from being brave. That going places even when you were scared to meant you were brave. That had been Ruka, when he'd gone to the Halloween ball, even when he was scared. At the time it had made him feel amazed. Maybe he really was brave too. There was just one thing that Jake couldn't understand. If he was brave to do something, when he was the only one scared, what did it mean about everybody else doing the same things when they were never scared in the first place? It was only when he looked at everybody else that the bad feelings started. When he realized how different he was. The things they could do he couldn't. And why he was always the one sitting out on the side - the activity he had just told the man that he preferred.
"Is that really true?" the caretaker asked him.
Embarrassed, Jake lowered his eyes once more, not just because it felt like the man could see that maybe he didn't like being by himself as much as he said he did, but also because he knew that his words hadn't been quite true, and he thought perhaps that Mr. Kit could see that he had lied. Though he didn't answer the question, his silence still spoke.
"What would I do?" Jake asked, surprised. That wasn't a question Jake got asked a lot when groups of kids got together. He was usually one of the quietest when he wasn't around just his friends, and he mostly did what the others told him to. "Um, well...I guess I like board games," he said shyly. "Or, just...well...playing with toys or something..." he said sheepishly."But Mr. Kit, I like things that they wouldn't like." He had tried to get George and Jack to play with stuffed animals before and found out quickly they didn't like that kind of play. Willow did and Lamik had, but it wasn't a lot.
Jake looked down once more at his drawing. "But my favorite thing to do is arts and crafts. It's the best part of camp and it's closed except for two hours a day. The sports stuff is open all day. It's not fair," Jake said sullenly, with an upset in his voice that went far beyond a closed arts and crafts tent.
It was then that it started to sink in that what he'd been doing since Mr. Kit sat next to him was arguing with a grown-up, and Jake's face changed, looking up with nervous eyes. Surely, he'd get in trouble for his outburst.