Casually Pondering the Meaning of Life Finished

The sun had set long ago and Atlas quickly traveled through the darkness of the castle toward the Owlery. The whole day was spent debating on whether or not to send a letter to her parents telling them she would be staying at Hogwarts during the spring break. When she finally decided on sending the letter, realizing getting her parents mad wasn't worth the risk, it had been extremely close to curfew. Normally, this would have excited Atlas who was always looking for some kind of thrill, but the thought of getting in trouble and ruining her break did the opposite.

The usually pleasant and warm corridors that led to the West Tower felt unwelcoming, every corner dark enough to disguise deadly creatures. The torches, burning in their metal sconces, barely lit anything, their light swallowed up by shadows. Atlas hadn't been afraid of the dark for many years now, seven being the age rational thoughts kicked in and told her there was no one hiding in her closet or under her bed, but today these rational thoughts weren't present and the darkness truly frightened her.

Shake it off Atlas.

Even though she was fully aware this was nothing but her imagination and anxiety playing tricks she couldn’t stop herself from flinching at the smallest of sounds and deliberately avoiding these dark corners. To make matters worse, Atlas had left her wand in the dormitory. The thought of not having an extra source of light hadn’t worried her since the path from her dorm to the Owlery was familiar, having been walked dozens of times before. She was now regretting this decision.

Atlas went up a familiar staircase, noticing she was getting close to the Owlery when she heard a sound. Was it a teacher? Hopefully it was just some mouse. Hurrying to the nearest and coincidentally the darkest spot she could hide in Atlas crouched down. Was it already past curfew? The way her heart rate picked up with every second that passed and her fingers went cold to the point they were almost numb was the last straw.

This is too much.

Getting up from her crouch Atlas was about to turn back and just deliver the letter tomorrow when she heard a piercing scream. Now she really wished she had brought her wand. The only thought assuring her that no one was in any immediate danger was that the scream didn’t sound like one made out of fear, it sounded like a scream of pain. A scream of agony inflicted by one's own mind. All thoughts of turning back and dark corners were forgotten as Atlas rushed to the Owlery, the letter dropping from her hand as she ran. She would just pick it up later or write a new one. That wasn’t important, getting to the source of the scream and now the sobbing she heard was.

Her feet kept stumbling over her robe and for the first time since stepping foot into the school she wanted to yank it off and burn it. Instead of feeling proud and more like a wizard in her robe, she felt like a child that couldn't walk straight. Stopping before the door to the Owlery Atlas took a deep breath. Then another one. It was better to appear calm. Hearing the sobs coming from the other side of the door physically pained her and she would rather not show it. What is going on? Opening the door as quietly as possible she stepped inside.

There was a figure on the floor, crying and rocking back and forth. For a second Atlas didn't know what to do, or how to react. Even the owls looked as if they felt the pain this person was feeling. Running toward the girl Atlas fell to her knees. Should I hug her? Is she okay with that? Should I ask what happened? Deciding to risk it Atlas threw her arms around the girl. “What’s wrong, what happened?” “Are you hurt, do you need help?” her voice was urgent wanting, no needing, to make it better. The realization that Atlas might not be able to help this girl made her want to cry as well. She would do anything about now, absolutely anything to take her pain away.

Atlas had seen people cry before, multiple times, but never like this, never laced with so much pain. She had seen people break down on the floor but those were all adults and this was a girl. She wouldn’t be surprised if she were also a first-year, probably not a Hufflepuff seeing as Atlas had never seen her in the dormitory or common room, but still a young girl. The screams and sobs were something Atlas never wanted to hear again. Something she hoped to forget the sound of with time. Registering that trapping the girl in a hug could only make it worse she quickly let go. Her hands were shaking and Atlas ran them through her hair, grabbing onto some to steady them. She didn't know what to say, or what to do, or what to ask. The one thing Atlas did know was that she would sit here and be here for this girl for as long as she possibly could. She no longer cared about the curfew, or spring break, or getting into trouble, Atlas cared only about this girl. About making sure the girl would make it through what happened and come out okay.

Gabriella stayed on the floor as whoever it was walked in, hoping that they would see her in distress and walk away.

They could help you, Gabby, whoever they are, said her conscience. You don't want to be alone like this any more The Ravenclaw gritted her teeth in irritation, still sobbing, still shaking, still full of emptiness, but - somehow - annoyed. It was some kind of small comfort, although Gabriella didn't know how, that she was able to feel annoyance, even in this state. Annoyance was such a mundane expression, she thought, not something that one should be able to feel when they were like this. Even so, it was not a nice thing to be feeling, and she just wanted her conscience to go away.

Let me be free, let me be me.
Aren't you going to respond to her, Gabby?
What?

Gabriella listened. Her conscience was right; a girl's voice was speaking. "What's wrong, what's happened?" asked the voice. "Are you hurt, do you need help?" The Ravenclaw tensed her muscles as she felt the contact of another human being, the mystery figure who had just walked in enveloping her in a tight hug.

Don't shake them away, Gabby.
Shut up, I wasn't going to.

Gabriella stayed still as the arms were hastily moved from around her neck. She didn't know what the person's intentions had been, but the hug had made her feel slightly better, the reassurance that she wasn't alone in the world. She counted to ten and listened as her breathing became steadier and less ragged, felt all her contacts with the floor - her knees, her shins, her ankles, her feet. Her conscience did not interfere; she was grounding herself.

When she opened her eyes and looked round, the person - she assumed it was the same person, as she hadn't heard the creaking of the door - was still there. A girl around her own age stood looking concernedly up at her; relatively short for her age, with long, beautiful brown-blonde hair that fell playfully about her shoulders. Her eyes were kind, and Gabriella was comforted by the fact that this person was there to be nice - nothing more, nothing less.

"I'm ok," said Gabriella, shakily. "Sorry, I got slightly carried away. I was just thinking..." She frowned slightly, begging the dark thoughts not to return to her mind. She tried to clear her head and it worked, those thoughts which had been creeping yet again into her brain seeping away. "I can learn to fight it," she said out loud. Usually, she would have berated herself for making herself look a fool in front of the girl with her seemingly incoherent sentences, but not today. These things hardly needed to concern her, not right now.

"Sorry," said Gabby. "I'm Gabriella Haworth, Gabby, call me Gabby. Ravenclaw. I'm... I'm sorry. I'll leave you to it." Her letter was sent; why was she staying around? She picked herself up and edged towards the exit.

Word count: 506
Interacting with: @Atlas Rey

When the girl finally looked at her and spoke Atlas felt her shoulders sag with relief. The fear that the hug had made things worse or that her presence was irritating and unwanted left her. The girl's words were kind and apologetic despite her still looking distressed and Atlas wanted to pull her into another hug and tell her that she had nothing to apologize for. Tell her that she didn't owe her an explanation, that it's completely okay to break down and cry. She would have done it if they were close friends but knew some would find this reassurance annoying.

After a moment she spoke again, saying something that made Atlas look around the Owlery. “I can learn to fight it”. Fight what? There was nothing out of the ordinary in the room so she had to be speaking of what was in her mind. Atlas's first thoughts were that the girl was cursed or was suffering from the magic that messes with the mind. For a second she even hoped it was a curse, a curse that could be cured by a visit to the Hospital Wing. They would go down there, get the girl help, and it would all work out. But if it is a curse then why isn't she already in the Hospital Wing? Ruling out that possibility her thoughts traveled to one worse. What if it was something that couldn't be cured with a potion or some magic, something that came from within the girl's own mind? Atlas prayed that this wasn't the case since if it were it would be a lot harder to help her. A lot harder to help her fight it, but Atlas would still try.

Looking back at the girl, or Gabby as she had introduced herself, Atlas finally let herself observe her. Her face was made up of defined features and light skin framed by black hair. The real kind of black hair, not the kind that was actually very dark brown. She no longer seemed like a first-year but rather a second or third year. Atlas had met a couple of older kids that acted as if they were above her but the way Gabby spoke told Atlas she had nothing to worry about. Maybe they could even become friends.

Gabby then stood up, after saying something about leaving Atlas to it, and started walking toward the door leading out of the Owlery. Realizing that if she didn't stop her and try to comfort her now she might not get another chance Atlas stood up as well. "Wait. Stop," she said, the desperation in her voice leaking through as she tried not to be too loud. "Do you want to talk? I’ll listen, you know, and I won’t judge you at all. I’ll be happy to listen” she looked down at her fingers. What else could she offer to make her feel better? “If you don’t want to stay here I can walk with you to your dorm or we can go somewhere else." It was always good to tread cautiously around people that were upset or ones you didn't know, so Atlas racked her brain for something that could offer Gabby a little comfort but not force her into a long interaction. Atlas herself liked to deal with her problems alone and didn't want to guilt Gabby into talking to her. “Do you want a hug? Did you mind when I hugged you?” Atlas looked away from her fingers and toward Gabby again, opening her arms slightly.

Despite wanting her to do what she was comfortable with, there was a selfish part of Atlas that wanted Gabby to stay or to accept the offers. She didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want the irrational fear of darkness to come back, didn’t want the guilt of not being able to help Gabby eat her alive.

"Wait, stop," said the girl. Gabriella jumped; she hadn't been expecting her to speak. The Ravenclaw stopped in her tracks and turned to the girl. To her surprise, the girl was offering to talk! To talk! And after that display of madness, too? It wasn't that she was angry at the girl, or sad - on the contrary, she very much wanted to talk - but she couldn't help feeling a bit ashamed. This girl was being kind to her, making sure she was ok, whereas Gabby knew that if the roles had been reversed she would have run away for fear the girl was possessed or something. This, she realised, was a huge flaw of hers - she was as loyal as anything, until there was danger, and then she would run. "Do you want a hug?" the girl asked. Gabriella started; she had forgotten she hadn't replied.

Gabby smiled weakly. "Sure," she replied, falling into the girl's slightly outstretched arms. She hugged the girl tightly for a few seconds, and the sensation of human contact brought her slightly more down to earth. As she stood hugging the stranger, she felt her senses reconnecting with her environment - the soft chirruping of the owls as they watched the sad, yet beautiful, scene; the faint smell of the stranger's brown-blonde hair; the bitter taste of tears in her mouth. She broke away from the hug and wiped her eyes.

"Yes," she said. "I'd love to talk. I really, really want to." She hesitated. "And thank you. N-not many would have tried to help me like that."

She sat down on the wooden floor of the Owlery and crossed her legs. "Is it alright if we sit down for a while?" she asked. "I'm sorry - I know there's curfew, and stuff... it's ok if you want to leave..."

"Ok," began the Ravenclaw. "I guess I'd better tell you... a bit about what's happened to me lately." She paused to see the girl's reaction, then continued. "Over the last few months, I've - I've been hearing this strange voice in my head from my conscience. You know, that thing in your brain that tells you whether what you're doing is right or wrong. Anyway, my conscience likes to have conversations with me, and I hate it, you know, because it feels like someone's intruding my brain. Sometimes it's helpful, but sometimes I wish it would go away. And recently my thoughts have been getting a lot darker..." She faltered. "I'm sorry," she moaned with a sob.

Darn it Gabby, you were doing such a great job at not crying in front of her!
I know, I know, now shut up.

Aren't you even going to ask her name? jeered her conscience.

"I'm sorry," repeated Gabby, standing up. Without invitation, she rested her bony forehead on the girl's shoulder and didn't take it away unless Atlas is to ask her to get off. "I'm being so selfish... I don't even know your name!" She broke out into another bout of hysterical tears, although the emotions that brought it on weren't as fierce this time.

Calm down, Gabby.
Breathe. Breeeeeaaaaaathe.

Gabriella tried to do as her conscience told her, taking deep, gulping breaths. She sounded like a fish out of water, all her efforts from her time in the ocean amounting to nothing, as it were.

"I'm happy to talk, if you want me to talk," she said, as her breathing levelled out slightly. "And I... I think I need to talk. I'd just like to know a bit about you first?" She stumbled as she realised she had made it sound like the girl's fault. "N-not your fault at all, you understand," she added hastily, "just... to make me feel... less selfish..."

She raised her head off the girl's shoulder and looked into her eyes, conscious that she had been talking and crying nonstop for the last five minutes. "Sorry," she croaked, and waited for the girl - the girl who was a stranger, yet somehow a friend simultaneously - to reply.

Word count: 685
Interacting with: @Atlas Rey

Atlas wrapped her arms around Gabby when the girl accepted her hug. Technically, Atlas was the one supposed to be doing the comforting but the hug spread a sense of peace throughout her body that Atlas couldn't turn away, and instead she welcomed the feeling this embrace brought her and hoped Gabby felt at least a little better.

She was glad that Gabby had agreed to talk since this meant she could at least attempt to help her. Try to offer advice, help the girl forget an event, or move on from something that has happened. Naturally, anxiety started coursing through her veins at the thought that there was no guarantee anything she did or said would actually help the situation, but Atlas tried her best to ignore it. She worked on blocking out these thoughts and focused back on what Gabby was saying in time to catch a thank you sent her way. Atlas smiled slightly, in acknowledgment, but didn't feel like she deserved a thank you considering she wasn't doing anything grand. In her opinion, Gabby was wrong when she said not many would have tried to help her. Practically anyone would try to help a girl they found crying. How couldn't they? Leaving a person at a time that they clearly needed at least an offer of comfort would be something Atlas would never forgive herself.

At the mention of curfew, Atlas became aware of the fact that it was probably getting closer to eight, at the very least nearing seven-fifty. And yet, this awareness didn't awaken a yearning for the Hufflepuff common room, it didn't awaken any feelings at all, passing through her mind, soon to be forgotten again. Keeping track of curfew was no longer on the list of priorities Atlas kept in her mind and leaving Gabby alone wasn't even something Atlas was considering unless Gabby told her to go. Not only did the desire to help hold her back, but she was also a bit curious and wanted to find out what was happening in this girl's head.

When Gabby sat down and began to speak Atlas gave her the occasional nod, urging her to continue, and made eye contact, when possible, to show Gabby that she was listening. Gabby spoke of her conscience talking to her, not leaving her alone with its constant conversations. Atlas knew what a conscience was, one wouldn't be able to not know after the several stories her parents had told her about it. Although Atlas had never believed them, her parents always told her that one's conscience was present in the form of an angel perched on their right shoulder. It was balanced out by one's temptation in the form of a devil perched on their left. She had never understood this seeing as Atlas didn't see temptation as a negative trait. Temptation could have negative consequences, of course, but the trait itself could cause one to do great things, discover great places all because they were tempted to look for them.

She tried to imagine what it would feel like to have her conscience speak to her, to have it exist not as a gut feeling but instead as a voice constantly present in her head, and came to the conclusion that it seemed extremely annoying. That it would make her feel powerless as if she couldn't even control what went on inside her own head. Despite this, she didn't see Gabby as powerless, if anything, this made her seem powerful instead. Gabby had to live with this, go about her day with what she described as a never-ending intrusion into her mind.

What can I even say? What could she possibly say to help rid Gabby of a voice that came from within her? She could urge her to go to the hospital wing but wasn't sure that would help. She could tell her to try and accept the words of her conscience as a part of her. If it was truly her conscience speaking then these words reflected Gabby's own inner thoughts, but again what good would accepting the voice do? Before she could say something, Gabby began apologizing, either for starting to cry, which Atlas didn't mind, for speaking of what troubled her, which Atlas had asked her to do, or for something else.

Gabby stood up and leaned into another hug that Atlas happily welcomed, putting her hands around the girl. She could hear Gabby taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, and started to slowly rub her back in an attempt to help. "No, no, don't be sorry. It's okay, it's fine, I don't mind you crying. And I'm happy to talk too, you're not being selfish, don't worry. But if it makes you feel better I'm Atlas." Atlas internally scolded herself for forgetting to, at least, tell Gabby her name. It was common courtesy to introduce yourself to someone you just met but it had slipped her mind.

Atlas disliked the idea of honoring Gabby's request to talk about herself, while the girl was so clearly in distress and she was perfectly fine, but relented, not wanting her to feel selfish or guilty. "I'm a first-year Hufflepuff, I love to read and I really like your hair. It's beautiful and your eyes are too." She hadn't noticed Gabby's eyes until the two girls made eye contact up close and she got to examine them. They were a dark brown that fit wonderfully with her dark hair.

"When did your conscience start speaking to you? Did something happen that could have caused it to?" She attempted to try and find out more about what happened because if there was a reason for it starting maybe there was a way to stop it. "I'm sorry you have to go through this, I can't imagine what it would be like to have a voice that I can't control speak inside my mind."

Atlas, the girl said her name was. "That's a nice name," Gabby mumbled into the girl's shoulder. She was grateful, too, that the Hufflepuff had said she wasn't being selfish, and she felt she should say something about this as well - but no words came into her mouth, and she just wanted to stay silent.
"I really like your hair," said Atlas. "It's beautiful and your eyes are too." Gabriella smiled, but again said nothing.

She let Atlas' words wash over her for a few minutes. The Hufflepuff's voice was soothing, and Gabriella found her breath was becoming more even now. As the fog in her brain began to clear, it was replaced with something else: a ray of yellow light; immense gratitude for the girl. Gabby knew, although she didn't know how to explain it, that that was what the light symbolised. It was a common enough metaphor, she reflected - dark turning to light, but Gabby's light was a light of gratitude. She tried to explain it to herself, just in her own head, but she couldn't. All she knew was that she was immensely grateful that Atlas was here.

Atlas stopped speaking and Gabriella snapped back to reality, trying to recall what it was the girl had said. She asked you when I began to speak to you, said her conscience. Come on - weren't you listening? Or were you too busy being grateful...
The word "grateful" was said with a nasty tone of voice, and Gabby knew that, if she was able to see the face of her conscience, it would have been sneering at her as it said the word.
I knew that, get off my back, said Gabriella indignantly - again, completely in her head; her facial features remained totally impassive. She had forgotten what Atlas had asked her, however, and she was incredibly disgruntled that her conscience had had to remind her.
Go on then. Reply. Don't leave the poor girl waiting.

"I guess it happened gradually," said Gabby slowly. "Maybe around February or maybe a bit earlier. It wasn't hard at first... sometimes it was actually helpful, I mean it was good to get these reminders, but then it started telling me things - bad things, bad bad things, exi- I've forgotten the word, exi - exi - exponential things, I think that's the word, about the meaning of life and death and stuff." She paused. She knew exponential wasn't the right word, but her conscience didn't interrupt. Evidently it didn't know either.

"You don't want to hear all of this," said Gabriella, decidedly. "You definitely don't want to hear all of this, and I don't know if I want to tell all of this. It's just - when I look up into the stars at night, and I realise how far away they are, and I think that if I were to just drop off the face of the earth nobody would notice I'd even left." She paused again, to gather her thoughts. "I would just be a non-person," she continued, "the absence of a person, or not even that, because nobody would be expecting a person, so I wouldn't be absent, I would just not exist. And after a while, not very long, people would stop remembering me. Maybe in fifty years I might cross my brother's mind, then nobody might think of me again. And that would be it. And everything else keeps on going, the days keep turning, the stars keep shining, but I'm not there to see it. And - I think, at its core... that's what scares me. And the fact that that's true for everyone else, too. Everyone will be forgotten."

While she had been saying this, her voice had stayed completely level. She had no emotion left to feel; now she was just stating facts. But were they facts? "I'm sorry," repeated Gabriella. "You don't want to hear all my weird thoughts, and I could never forgive myself if I passed them onto you... I... I'm scared, Atlas. I'm scared that everything I say and do has consequences, there's that as well. There's so much. I think I'm just not right."

Word count: 700
Interacting with: @Atlas Rey

From those Atlas had met, in her short life, there weren't many people that would go out of their way to be kind or say something nice in general, especially while they were in pain. Gabby was in pain, in agony even from the looks of it, yet she still thought she was being selfish for not asking Atlas her name, still went out of her way to then compliment her name. The way Gabby was undoubtedly an amazing human being made Atlas's heart ache so much harder, people like Gabby didn't deserve pain. No one did, but those like her deserved all the happiness in the world. Some would say it was unreasonable to judge someone after knowing them for less than an hour but Atlas had a feeling that Gabby had an extraordinary soul. People like her were the reason she would give up her life to save a stranger without a second thought, because what if that stranger was like Gabby. How could she deserve to live more than someone with a heart of literal gold? She wished she could tell Gabby how truly happy she was to meet her, how she hoped they would become long-lasting friends. But there were bigger things to focus on, like trying to help the kind girl who was trusting Atlas with her mind.

When Gabby started to respond Atlas gave her a quick squeeze, trying to communicate that everything was going to be okay, trying to make her feel comfortable and safe, trying to once again let her know that she was listening. Atlas didn't want Gabby to think that she was just asking to be polite and didn't actually want to help. She did want to help, wanted to listen to Gabby talk for as long as the girl desired.

February... She's had to live with her conscience present in her mind for more than a month now. Atlas wondered why it had gone from being helpful to speaking of life and death. The two things that every single person on this planet has gone through, or will go through. With no exceptions. Did it get comfortable? What was it trying to achieve by haunting a young girl with the fact that she will die one day? Atlas decided not to comment on the word Gabby stumbled through. She didn't want to interrupt her, or sound like a smart-ass, but also wasn't sure she knew the right word herself. Instead, she opted for a little "Mhmm" when Gabby paused, urging her to continue.

Gabby did continue, and Atlas was thankful she felt secure enough to do so. If only, she also knew just how much Atlas wanted to hear every word she said. At the mention of the stars, Atlas couldn't help but close her eyes, trying to imagine the night sky while not moving away from the hug. Stars were beautiful, but to Gabby, they seemed to represent more than just beauty. They were connected to people or the way people died, the way they were forgotten. Everyone will be forgotten. The sentence gave Atlas chills since it was nothing but the truth. Small goosebumps ran up her arms before going away after a few quick seconds. Some people's biggest desire is to be remembered, since who doesn't want to be remembered, who doesn't want to make a difference? Gabby was right, and yet she was also wrong because although people will be forgotten, traces of them, of the marks they left behind will never leave this world. And although people may not know her name in 500 years she will still be here, in one way or another.

There was so much she could say, some would confirm Gabby's words but Atlas was trying to make her feel better, not worse. She went for the truth, which didn't deny the words of the girl she was hugging, but instead showed her that there were two sides to the coin. "Please don't apologize, I want to hear what you're saying. Every word. And don't worry about me. Please." Atlas began with something that was a mix of a plea and a reassurance. "And, what you said isn't really true, you won't just fade away from people's minds. You've touched every single person you've ever met and changed their life in some way. You can't just think that you don't leave a mark or that no one notices you, have you noticed how kind you are, how amazing." Even if every single thing someone did had consequences as Gabby had said, Atlas was sure the consequences Gabby's actions left were mostly, if not always, positive. "At the very least, I can say that even if we never see each other again after today, I'm going to remember you for the rest of my life. I'm going to remember every person that's ever affected me in some way, that's changed me no matter how microscopic the change is, and you definitely have."

Atlas was starting to sound a bit confusing, even to herself. "I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense, but even in the short time we have known each other, you've changed me. In such a small way that the people I talk to probably won't notice, I probably won't notice, but the way you affected me would then affect them. Even if people don't remember you in one hundred years you'll still be here. In the corridors of this castle, in your home, you'll be reflected in the way every single person you've ever met and every single person they've ever met acts."

Gabby did have a point when it came to being scared because Atlas was scared as well. Terrified, of whatever life holds for her, of not being wanted by anyone, and just like Gabby, of being forgotten. Even if it was on a much smaller scale, she was scared. Taking a breath, Atlas continued. "I get it though. I'm scared too because I have no idea what's going to happen when we are gonna die. But what happens after we die is out of our control, I wish it wasn't, I wish I knew what the future holds, but my wishes can only go so far." She really hoped she wasn't making Gabby feel worse.

"Try to focus on the now, on what you can control. At least try. Maybe try telling your conscience to shut up if you haven't tried before." Now she was just spewing out bad advice, tell your conscience to shut up, because of course, a "shut up" will fix the problem Gabby has been dealing with for more than a month. Genius Atlas. Genius.

"I'm so sorry, that was horrible advice" She groaned. Moving away from the hug, Atlas placed her hands on Gabby's shoulders and looked at her face. "But listen, there's nothing wrong with being scared, there's nothing wrong with who you are. I'm one-hundred percent positive that you are a fantastic person and nothing will change that, definitely not your conscience" Atlas pulled the girl back into a hug, already missing its warmth, but made sure it was easy for Gabby to pull away if she wanted to. "I'll be glad to listen to you for as long as you'll let me. It'll make me so happy even if I just help you a little bit, even if for a short amount of time. So tell me more, tell me as much as you want to. We can also talk about something else if you'd like."

Gabriella finished speaking with a rasping breath. Half of what she had just said she didn't even know she believed, didn't even know was true, but she had said it and now thought it was the epitome of truth, the quintessential meaning of life. She hadn't sought to find the meaning of life, but now it seemed she'd just stumbled upon it. She didn't like this new definition of the meaning of life, however. All her - admittedly short - life, Gabriella had supposed she had some kind of purpose. There had never been a time where she'd decided, right, this is the purpose I'm going to fulfil in life, better start now- but it had just been inherent in her mind that she was destined to so something. Maybe it came from having religious parents. Now, however, it was dawning in her mind that this may not be the case. What if the meaning of life was not to go out and do something, but simply to exist - exist, but not to live - for once you've lived, there's more to lose when you die. Life has no meaning at all.

Surprisingly, her conscience said nothing at this. Maybe it agreed with her, maybe it didn't. What if it, too, felt the same sense of despair as Gabby now did - a sense of despair beyond tears, beyond any feeling at all, really. Her feelings had been hollowed out into a grey pit, and she was in the centre of it. No way up, no way out. Everything she had fought for was reduced to null.

The one thing that prevailed in the young Ravenclaw's mind, however, was confusion. She was, above everything, confused. She was having feelings she couldn't even begin to understand; in her head she was using words she didn't know the meaning of. She felt the meaning of the words, however. She would never have been able to relay them to anybody, because she didn't know how. I could draw how I feel, Gabriella thought to herself. I could paint how I feel, and if I did, I know I would paint a lot of grey. It would be a simple drawing. Just a grey circle with stars round the edges, and the glimmer of the lost potential smiling from the edges. If anything, this just made her feel even more confused. Why would the lost potential be smiling? Surely it would be sad? She didn't know why. She just knew that the lost potential would definitely be smiling.

Gabriella was still confused, and she realised that the whole concept of life is confusing. There is no way of describing it without causing utter confusion. She turned her attention back to Atlas.
"You won't just fade away from people's minds," she was saying. "You've touched every single person you've ever met and changed their life in some way. You can't just think that you don't leave a mark or that no one notices you, have you noticed how kind you are, how amazing."
"You really think I'm kind and amazing?" said Gabby. She wondered what Tory would say if she knew Atlas had just described her as such - Tory, her enemy, the person she disliked most in the world. Was it possible for a kind, amazing person to have an enemy?
"At the very least, I can say that even if we never see each other again after today, I'm going to remember you for the rest of my life. I'm going to remember every person that's ever affected me in some way, that's changed me no matter how microscopic the change is, and you definitely have."

Gabriella said nothing to this - she didn't know what to say. Even if we never see each other after today, I'm going to remember you for the rest of my life. The Ravenclaw didn't know why this could be, but surely it was a good reason, and that gave her comfort. Even if her own family forgot her, Atlas would still remember.

"I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense, but even in the short time we have known each other, you've changed me. In such a small way that the people I talk to probably won't notice, I probably won't notice, but the way you affected me would then affect them. Even if people don't remember you in one hundred years you'll still be here. In the corridors of this castle, in your home, you'll be reflected in the way every single person you've ever met and every single person they've ever met acts."

Silent tears began to trickle down the first-year's face as she realised Atlas's words were true, or at least they were true somewhere. In some poetical dimension, what Atlas was saying was true. Why couldn't this dimension be that poetical dimension? Either Gabriella could dismiss Atlas's words as false, as fake optimism, or she could accept them, start to live by them. Then she wouldn't just be existing. So was her previous conclusion about the meaning of life wrong, then...? Yes, Atlas's words were clarifying that they were. And as much as she had been so sure of her own feelings before (despite the confusion in understanding them), she was now even surer that Atlas's words were true.

|You'll be reflected in the way every single person you've ever met and every single person they've ever met acts.

"I get it though. I'm scared too because I have no idea what's going to happen when we are gonna die. But what happens after we die is out of our control, I wish it wasn't, I wish I knew what the future holds, but my wishes can only go so far."
"I think," said Gabriella, "that maybe death doesn't matter so much. Not if we make the most of life. Not if we make an impression on everyone we meet, like I did to you and like you're now doing to me. If we make an impression on enough people, we'll live on through them. Our souls will still be alive for generations to come, like you said."
"Try to focus on the now, on what you can control. At least try. Maybe try telling your conscience to shut up if you haven't tried before."
Gabriella gave a hollow laugh which she hoped didn't sound cruel.
"The more I tell it to go away, the more it comes back," she said. "It's like when you really want something and your mum says the more you nag me, the less chance there is that it will happen." She gave a funny sort of laugh at her strange analogy. "Maybe you have a point though," she added, hastily - she didn't want Atlas to feel useless, and she really, really, really had helped - "maybe I just haven't been firm enough with it. I can't let it rule me. You're right!" she said, happily. "It wasn't horrible advice."

Atlas pulled Gabriella back into a hug; Gabriella wrapped her arms around her new friend and squeezed her tight. "Thank you," whispered Gabriella. "Thank you so, so much. I genuinely don't know what else I can say... apart from that you're the most amazing person I've ever met. I love you. Not - not in that way," she added, hurriedly, "that would be really weird, but in a friends way. You're brilliant."

"I'll be glad to listen to you for as long as you'll let me. It'll make me so happy even if I just help you a little bit, even if for a short amount of time. So tell me more, tell me as much as you want to. We can also talk about something else if you'd like."
"You have helped me," replied Gabby, "You've helped me a lot, actually. A lot already. More than you know. More than you can explain." She pulled out of the hug and checked her watch; it was nearly curfew.

"I'm afraid we need to get back to our dorms," she said, guiltily. "I'm sorry. I'd love to have spoken for longer, but we'll get told off if we're found up here." She stood up and wiped the remnants of tears away from her eyes. "We should definitely meet up again though, after the holidays," she said, nodding her head vigorously. "Maybe I'll owl you in the holidays. I'm really sorry. I just... tonight doesn't seem the sort of night where I would want to get caught by a prefect."

She pulled her friend back into another hug and edged towards the door. "I'm sorry we couldn't talk longer," she repeated. "I'll see you after the holidays! And thank you so, so, so much for everything!"

~Gabriella has left the thread~

Gabriella went early that night, before the rest of the girls in her dorm. She lay awake for a while, her eyes wide open, staring at the star-spangled ceiling of the Ravenclaw dormitory and thinking of the girl, the Hufflepuff girl with the beautiful heart, who had entered her life just when she needed it the most.

The meaning of life, Gabriella thought to herself dreamily, is for people like Atlas to exist.

Word count: 1540 (sorry)
Interacting with: @Atlas Rey

When Atlas was five years old, just starting her first year at primary school she didn't have very many friends. Not because she was bullied or deemed weird but simply because she preferred to sit at home with a book rather than spend her time outside with her schoolmates. That changed with time, although she still prefers books, at some point during her childhood Atlas began to put herself out there and found that it came naturally. The company of real people, of course, was not always as enjoyable as the company of those in the pages of novels, and Atlas could be a bit shy, but she began to make more friends, know more people. With this, she noticed that so many didn't think very highly of themselves, didn't receive compliments often, and Atlas made it a goal of hers to make people feel good about themselves whenever she could. She complimented others as much as possible, and although sometimes they were empty compliments to make the other feel better, the one she gave Gabby wasn't. Even though they still knew very little about each other Atlas truly, genuinely thought Gabby was an amazing person. And when the girl asked her if she truly meant what she said Atlas, right away, replied "Of course, I do. Gabby you're wonderful."

Atlas meant every word she spoke to the Ravenclaw and listened carefully as the girl spoke back. She too thought death didn't matter as much if people lived to their fullest. The fear that she would die with only fictional characters as her companions was part of the reason Atlas began speaking to others more often, it was her way of attempting to live life to its fullest. Although, even if everyone lived boring lives Atlas still didn't think death deserved to be one of the most feared things in the world and wondered why it was. Probably because no one really knew what death was. It was unknown and the Hufflepuff understood fearing the unknown, she herself feared it on a daily basis. Feared it now, since whether or not Gabby's conscience would ever stop talking to her was unknown, and Atlas was afraid it wouldn't.

When Gabby gave a laugh that sounded more sad than happy in reaction to the girl's comment about telling her conscience to shut up Atlas looked down in embarrassment. A second later, though, she was smiling at Gabby's comparison of her conscience to a mother. It made sense, in a way, Atlas knew her mum never stopped nagging her about the most useless things, or just never left her alone in general, and from what Gabby had told Atlas, her conscience was like that.

Whether or not Atlas actually helped, the Hufflepuff was ecstatic that Gabby sounded at least a bit happier than she did before. It broke her heart seeing the girl sobbing on the floor when she came in and all Atlas wanted was to make her feel better, so when the girl tightened her arms around the Hufflepuff and thanked her, her smile grew and a tear slid down her cheek. It was weird, crying while smiling because Atlas couldn't describe her tears as happy tears. They were tears of happiness, but they weren't necessarily happy. Happy would be too simple of a word to describe them since they were also tears of relief and love, love for the girl she was clutching. "No. Thank you. Thank you for talking to me, for letting me meet you," Atlas whispered back when the girl paused. "And don't worry, I love you in a friends way too," she reassured the Ravenclaw and squeezed the girl as tight as possible, hoping, praying to whoever listened that this was not the last time they saw each other.

When Gabby looked down at her watch Atlas realized she had completely forgotten that a curfew existed and since it was close to the curfew when she left her dorm it must be extremely close, or even past it, now. This meant they probably shouldn't keep talking and instead return to their dorms as the girl suggested. "Don't be sorry, we really should get back," Atlas replied, also glancing at the watch on Gabby's wrist. "And yes, we should meet up again" she smiled, exhaling with relief at the fact that Gabby wanted to see her again too. "Good night."

As Atlas remained alone in the Owlery, she thought back at where the night took her. Never did she expect to meet someone so marvelous, so lovely, when she left her dorm and headed to the Owlery. She was glad she could help someone, very glad she decided to go. The girl closed her eyes and leaned her head back, smiling. Not only did she make a friend, but she would also soon realize that the conversation they had would stick with her for a long time. Atlas would find herself thinking about the meaning, the true meaning, of life when meeting new people and doing everyday things. Wondering how she affected these people, how the things she does could change the lives of others forever.

Thinking about leaving her dorm earlier that night also reminded her of the reason she did. "Oh," Atlas breathed, opening her eyes and running out of the Owlery in search of the letter she dropped. The corridors and corners were still as dark as when Atlas was walking toward the Owlery, still as terrifying, but Atlas, thinking about Gabby, no longer noticed the unwelcome feeling they gave off. She spent a good amount of time looking for the letter—retracing her steps, walking back and forth, squatting down every now and then, and looking closely at the floor. When she still failed to find it the girl wasn't too upset. She would just send it another day, possibly tomorrow so that her parents wouldn't be too upset, and maybe even mention her newfound friend.

This night had turned out to be so much more than just dropping off a simple letter and Atlas, maybe for the first time in her entire life, couldn't wait for the holidays to end. Knowing after the break she would she Gabby again.

-Atlas has left the thread-

@Gabriella Haworth

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