The Purpose of Paperbag Chan PV A. Rod Closed

[font=PT Sans]It was that moment where Hanako thought he had found a perfect presence to stand in for his own comfort. A good judge of character, she says? Hanako listened but was doing a good job of containing his sarcastic laugh. What sort of good character would forge a whole new identity just so he could have more moments of not being his hateful self? That already conflicted with Adlai’s first reason, ‘ You’ve been honest with me’. Honesty was the last thing he was and will never be. It took many tricky questions and sensitive emotional wounds for Dee to make him even thought of the idea of being honest with anyone, even himself. It took a mountain full of resistance and refusal and yet, Adlai- without a lot of concrete proof decided he was an honest person? What a laugh. A good laugh. A laugh he thought he might enjoy before she finds out she was wrong. A future that he dared to hope- would not happen until they graduated and parted their ways. Although being friends with someone wearing a paper bag for 6 whole years sounds ludicrous, it was hopeful.

“ A regular boy?” Once again, a sense of relief washed over him when he realized he was no longer the irritating Hanako Tone. A clean slate and a blank canvas. Unknown to Adlai, he was smiling. “ That seems more boring than a boy with a horrible past but I guess I can’t change your mind”

"Even if you did have any or all of those qualities I would still be your friend."

Hanako decided not to comment on that. Not only did he not have an answer to such a statement, a part of him didn’t want to believe it. He knew once he did, it was equivalent to signing up a deal of selling your soul for temporary happiness. Even with his new identity, he knew he was still Hanako Tone. The detached, useless kid that rather spews thousand of lies and shares daily hate to make up for his lack of worth. He didn’t know now, but even when he came to that conclusion, that sentence Adlai said would stick to him for a very long time.

Just as Flash’s name was mentioned more and more, it was apparent that he is now a part of their conversation. A familiar sick sensation rushed to his head as he began to tense up irritably. A memory of Percival laughing along with pale faced insomniatic four legged devil worshipper Selim Faust came to mind and any traces of his previous smiles disappeared. It wasn’t as severe as before, but there was no denying that Hanako didn’t like the fact that she was smiling so fondly of another person. Should he maybe try to fill up more of his time to overwork than to sleep? Would she get worried about him? More than Flash? That idea sounded so taunting that he almost considered it. Who was she for Hanako to lose his sleep over? What was her worried look even worth? Why did he even suggest such a morbid suggestion? “ Don’t waste your time worrying about him” he grumbled “ He’s fine as a beach on a summer day. He has the looks, the friends, the grades, the wealth, the girlfriend, the- “ the more he went on the more agitated he felt. “ Anyway, take it from someone who sees him almost every day. He’s a guy that can take care of himself. He doesn’t need anyone worrying about him” ‘So maybe you should stop too’ he secretly added in his head. “ What is he to you that you’re this concerned over him?”
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Mentions: @Flash Holmwood
Interacting: @Adlai Rod

@Hanako Tone

Even with Mac's face covered Adlai could tell he was no longer in the brightest of spirits. Based on the tone of their voice, they seemed angry. Adlai wondered why, had Mac and Flash not gotten along? Had they argued? Was it something serious or something silly? Flash had never mentioned Mac before, so Adlai wasn't sure what the relationship was between them. And then Mac asked Adlai that question, "What is he to you that you're this concerned over him?"

Adlai wasn't sure how exactly to answer that question, though she answered it many times before. She had liked Flash quite a lot a while ago, after all he was nice to her, listened to what she had to say, was gentle and sensitive towards her but after some time and thought Adlai realized that a boy being nice shouldn't be the only reason why you like them. She realized that, that wasn't the only reason why her mother liked her father so much. And so Adlai told Mac this, "He's a friend I think everyone needs."

She wasn't sure how Mac would react since he didn't seem fond of Flash. She was a bit worried that Mac may even stop being her friend because she was friends with Flash, after all she had seen such things happen before. Well at least in elementary school.

[font=PT Sans]'Need'. A word that young Hanako has still yet to distinguish from 'want'. Nevertheless, still, a word that was tied to unfavorable memories of his father. Hanako knew well that Adlai was not like his father. When she said that Flash was a friend that everyone needed, she didn’t mean it in a way that meant ‘ Flash is better than you so of course, I like him better . That was not like her at all and as much as Hanako wanted to find ease in that, his stomach churned uncomfortably. Doubts started to easily cloud his logical judgment. How much did he know Adlai to think she didn’t mean that? Sure, she had a different vibe than her father. But, how much of that wasn’t a front. Hanako was no stranger to them. He’s been putting up a front for years. What makes Adlai an exception? Besides, she wasn’t wrong even if she did mean it like that. Flash had every right to think he was better than everyone because he just is. He certainly wasn’t the moron wearing a paper bag and forging a whole new identity.

He felt stupid for even getting upset at that. More seconds passed and he found it harder not to compare this to the time his siblings soaked up their father's attention, leaving Hanako with nothing but a trace of bitterness. By now, he would’ve been extremely tempted to act out. Express his hatred to the world. Make everyone know how upset he was by taking it out on them. He was going to as well until a thought came to his mind.

He wasn’t Hanako Tone. He wasn’t a useless son that couldn’t even catch up to his younger siblings nor a horrible person that had an unnecessary outburst. At least with this paper bag on, he didn’t need to think about how lesser he was than everyone else. He was a clean slate, a work in progress, a not-yet-total-failure. There was only one person that mattered when he wore Paperbag Chan, and she was sitting right next to him with a worried look that he didn’t like.

“.....I’m sorry” he muttered barely audibly as he hastily looked away from her, embarrassed. He didn’t let out apologies fly out of his mouth easily. It was only Mac that gave him courage to do so. Mac was not Hanako, after all. “ That was a bit rude of me to react to your friend that way. I just don’t have a lot of good memories with him, that’s all. You seem to understand him better than I ever could” taking a deep breath, he forced himself to let out his next words “ What do you mean by a friend that everyone needs?”

He was here for a purpose, wasn’t it? To use this naive Hufflepuff and ask things he could never have as Hanako Tone. While her comment hurt him in more ways than none, there was no real reason to get upset. She was only a tool after all. It would’ve been better if that perception of each other was the same. He could only hope.

“ Didn’t you say he looked miserable? Why do people need him when he seems like he can’t even take care of himself. And I’m not saying that out of spite. It’s just that- from what you told me, he’s pushing himself so much. Who would need that kind of person as a friend? Wouldn’t that just tire both of you out?”
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Mentions:@Flash Holmwood
Interacting : @Adlai Rod

@Hanako Tone

Adlai could have sworn she heard Mac say they were sorry, what they were apologizing for she wasn't sure but still it was strangely nice to hear. "It's ok, I won't mention him anymore if you have a messy history. We'll only talk about him when you want to, ok?"

Although she has assumed it, Adlai was surprised to learn that Flash and Mac didn't have the best relationship. She thought they were both great, why they didn't seem to like each other eluded her. Perhaps someday she'd be able to watch them become friends? She shook her head to herself. No that probably wouldn't be likely since they were both to stubborn for their own good.

Mac wasn't looking at her anymore when he asked his next question. Adlai twisted her body in a way so that she was facing him. With her right hand on the surface beneath them Adlai leaned back, looked up at the greyish blue sky scattered with clouds and let out a breathe watching the fog form in front of them. It was getting colder around this time of year.

"Flash is the kind of person who stretches himself thin for the happiness of others. He's always smiling and has an upbeat manor which is often enough to brighten someone's day. When someone is at their worst he's there for them, comforts them," she started her cheeks tinting pink with warmth as her eyes began to glaze over. Dreamy yet forlorn and serious.
"He had been there for me at a time I was afraid, and at the time I was complete stranger to him but he didn't care. He still helped."

"I think he doesn't realize when he's about to break when he bends over too far. Either that or he does and doesn't know who to turn to, doesn't know how to ask for help, how to let other's take care of him. I don't think a lot of people get to see him at his worst like he gets to see others...so to answer your question I think people need him because he always worth something."

Bringing her sentence to a close Adlai lowered her head back down so that she was once again facing Mac before ending her statement with one more note, "Just like you."

[font=PT Sans]At this moment, Hanako- er, I mean Mac heard something he doesn’t understand. And to hear something he doesn’t understand, his mind was automatically frantic with fear. He was actually quite engaged in her answer until she decided to utter that one unnecessary bit in the end. Slowly his perspective on Flash has changed. Mostly for the worst. But just at the moment she so confidently made a conclusion that he and flash were any way similar and got him stunned. Frightened. And stunned.

After giving her a silent stare for a moment or two, he stood up and walked away without taking his eyes off her. Like he was purposely escaping the kind of air he didn’t want to be in. In this case, the kind that questioned the reliability of his self-sabotaging mindset by making his heart skip an uncomfortable beat. Skip was an understatement. It could’ve lurched out of his throat like poorly digested food. Letting out a sigh from the new space, he bent his knees tiredly. “ Aw man that is n o t what I expected to hear“ he wheezed louder than he needed to. Was she dumber than he anticipated? How could she make such an assumption while making a straight face? The worst part is he wasn’t exactly sure what she meant by ‘ Just like you’. He was tempted to ask her to clarify but later found out he was too hesitant to do so.

Surely, she didn’t mean he stretched himself further for other people, right? Always smiling? Perhaps in a mocking way, yes. There to comfort others? Bending over too far, unsure when to break? The more he went on the more stupid it got. It was so stupid he began to laugh. Who was the real idiot in this situation? Here she was describing a person he purposely was showing and he was upset about it being the wrong assumptions? He was fooling her with an identity that wasn’t his and he thought she was the moron? His whole situation- from the introduction of Paper-Bag chan, the awful name like Papa MacaroOni, the shot of jealousy that sank his heart- it all looked hilarious. All of his emotions right now weren’t valid at all. He was another person without all the emotional baggage Hanako carried. And the thought of it seeped in and exhilarated him. Just as he finally stopped laughing, he turned up his head towards her once more and sighed.

“ Yea.. “ his lie sounded so happy and filled with relief that it was difficult to tell if it was a lie. “ Just like me..” he repeated. He was Mac, now. Although Mac’s personality wasn’t really fleshed out yet, he made a mental note to base it off of the idea of Flash in Adlai’s eyes. Hanako had a hard time believing her version of Flash, but Mac only realized he was a lot like Flash more than he thought. Whatever it was, he wanted to hear those words come out again. Although she got it all wrong, he would be lying if there weren’t actual similarities she caught on. And boy did it feel good. Perhaps all that therapy with Dee really did pay off. Instead of existential dread at being found out, he was happy. Happy to be… seen? To be seen more than an annoying insensitive brat. And he knew if he wanted to hear it again, he could only do it through Mac, not Hanako.

“ Sorry “ Mac laughed lightly, “ Did I freak you out by my surprise?” He then stood up and walked back towards their spot under the tree. “ I don’t have a lot of self-esteem most of the time. Which...explains the Paper-Bag. I feel more free and.. Like I can talk about things I was terrified of before” ‘ Like a new person’ he thought to himself. “ Hearing you bluntly say I’m similar to Flash.. And have value.. It’s a real surprise. Again, I’m sorry for laughing at you. I’m still surprised- I really am. Seems like you’ve seen a side of Flash I haven’t seen myself. “ He regretted saying the last sentence because now the topic of Flash was not yet completely off the table. “ I didn’t peg you for the type to bluntly say that, though. What if I use this information against him? How are you sure I don’t detest him to the core? I get that you may be trying to let me see a side of him I didn’t know but that's pretty dangerous, Rod.” he was now looking at her face now, unlike before. Like he was not hiding his eagerness to converse with her.
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Adlai Rod

@Hanako Tone

Adlai was startled when Mac began to laugh. Had what she said been so outlandish that it was hilarious? She hadn't meant to be funny, she had meant to be serious and passionate and educational. A small pang rattled in her heart. Had he not taken her seriously? Had she thought that what she said was joke? It hurt, she didn't know why but her chest hurt. She wanted it to stop, she hated these negative feelings but they always found their way back to her.

Her smile dropped as he stood and began to walk away. He's leaving? She wondered where he would go. Perhaps he would go and find Flash to tell him what Adlai had said about him. Would Flash laugh as well? No, no he would not laugh since Mac is only a few yards away squatting in the dirt. What was Mac doing? This was very odd but she would wait with her puzzled feelings and face until every misunderstanding could be cleaned. She hated misunderstandings.

When Mac returned he apologized for his sudden reaction, which she didn't blame him for though it wasn't the reaction she was expecting, "You did surprise me, I was worried you were going to leave...and that you wouldn't see me again..." She muttered the second part of her sentence. "Well, everyone is similar to everyone in some ways. Even the most different of people. You just have to look for it. I think there's a bit of beauty in it."

"Sorry if I surprised you as well. I don't tend to do well when it comes to saying things not bluntly. I've always been able to tell people how I feel about them and others very truthfully." Why she was apologizing for it exactly, she wasn't sure. She felt responsible for Mac's reaction, so that may be why.

"You wouldn't do anything, besides I don't think what I told you is necessarily something you can use against a person." She laughed awkwardly not knowing exactly what he meant by 'using it against him.' "And besides I trust you, and you wouldn't do anything bad."

[font=PT Sans]"You did surprise me, I was worried you were going to leave...and that you wouldn't see me again..." A little sting was felt somewhere in Hanako’s chest. Because he knew that- it may not be today, or tomorrow, or next month- someday, he might actually do just that. It would be easy as well. Just as easy as leaving Percival Rainwood. While he had made apologies for Rainwood, who's to say he wouldn’t do it again to another person? He knew he was still selfish enough to do it. Adlai was interesting to him and he wanted her to stay but for how long exactly would that be? Should he even feel guilty? For the sake of his sanity, he chose to avoid his question as well as her earlier comment, only sitting back down next to her with guilt covered by his mask.

"Well, everyone is similar to everyone in some ways. Even the most different of people. You just have to look for it. I think there's a bit of beauty in it."

“ You… you really do see the world differently from me” he noted. Him? Beauty inside? Bullcrap. But interesting bullcrap. He wanted to see more of the way she viewed the world that was different from his. “ Even the most..difficult people? What about people who are just.. Awful? Bullies, or liars. Or- something like that. Are you secretly telling me that you’ve never wanted to just-” he softly punched the palm of his hand with a fist. “ someone?” . To hell with beauty in all. He could name a few people who deserved a punch right about now. And the beauty inside them won’t make them appear less punchable.

"Sorry if I surprised you as well. I don't tend to do well when it comes to saying things not bluntly. I've always been able to tell people how I feel about them and others very truthfully.”

“ I mean.. I suppose I get that. I’m honest too” said the guy who created a whole fake identity just to make a friend. “ But could you elaborate that further? I’m sure you can say you like someone very easily. What about if it's someone you don’t like? Would you be able to tell them to didlydoo off? Can’t imagine you telling someone to diddlydoo off” he began to chuckle slightly, half-joking.

"You wouldn't do anything, besides I don't think what I told you is necessarily something you can use against a person." She laughed awkwardly not knowing exactly what he meant by 'using it against him.' "And besides I trust you, and you wouldn't do anything bad."

Actually, he could do quite a lot with that information. But for one reason or another, he didn't feel inclined to tell her. No, that wasn’t right. Hana would tell her. But Mac would keep quiet and laugh along. Yeup. “ You trust me already? But we’ve just met like- two times. How do you know I’m trustworthy enough to be your fr-” he paused “ f-friend” he sounded it out like it was a foreign language he wasn’t supposed to use. It was both exhilarating and terrifying.
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@Adlai Rod

@Hanako Tone

"Well," she started as she wiped her hands down her lap and watched Mac's violent gesture. "I don't think someone can be purely 'awful.' Bullies and liars have often been hurt themselves by someone or something else." Rubbing the back of her neck she thought a bit more, looking for answer to Mac's questions which were becoming increasingly difficult to answer. What kind of thirteen year old would even ask questions like these?
"Everyone has redeeming qualities..." she trailed off redirecting her attention to another question he had asked.

"I have wanted to lash out before, I've gotten into a few scuffs with my sisters but never with someone at school." Some people did get on her nerves, but she would never say it to their faces since she was too concerned with whether they liked her or not. That fact seemed to trump most of her concerns when it came to other people. "And I have thought about telling some people to... go away but, I just couldn't do it."

"A lot can happen in meeting a person twice Mac," she teased him, putting her hand on her hips and trying her best to look offended though she wasn't the best actress. "But, I do think of you as 'trust worthy' enough to be a friend because with in the period of time we've know each other you've listened to everything I've had to say and more, you've been very kind."