The Ugly Truth Howard White Finished

@Falentra Black

Howard sat by the shore of the Great Lake staring aimlessly at the water as it gently washed up and down the bank. The last rays of the days sun slipped behind the nearby tree line allowing him to shed his heavy cloak and free his flesh from its heavy burden. It should have been a relaxing experience, but his mind swam with heavy thoughts. The beginning of this year had been overwhelming to say the least. Not only was there the usual workload of schooling and Quidditch, but there was also a mounting load of pressure in his personal life. Ever since his outburst in the Great Hall his life just seemed to get more and more complicated. The stress of it all was building and it was quickly becoming too much for Howard to process alone.

Alone?

It had been weeks since he and Falentra had properly spoken to one another. What had started as a moment of chaos the two could plunge into together had turned into a disaster and drove them apart. There hadn’t been any epic blow out between the two or even an argument for that matter. The situation had just left a standing awkwardness between the pair. Expressing their emotions was easy for the both of them as long as it was a physical act. The way they showed their affection for each other was unique to say the least. Both of them were driven by their passions, but discussing these matters was something they would both struggle with and so the time had passed.

What had started as an awkward separation would only amplify as Valentines Day came and went. It was a fair argument to say that the pair could care less about all the cheesy Hallmark bullshit that came with the day, but when her handcrafted treats arrived Howard realized he had completely forgotten about it. There was no hope in trying to send something in return as it would obviously be rushed and with minimal thought. If only he was mature enough he would have just rushed off to find her, scooped her up and professed his love for all to hear, but he was not. The moody teenager only felt more at a loss with yet another failure under his belt. The raging hormones and building stress clouded his judgment and in a way he almost resented her for sending a gift. She knew that the day was just for cheese ball loser to buy each other dumb little gifts and get all cutesy for everyone to see. They were different, they didn’t do crap like that!

Oh Howard, you fool.

It really was a testament to how mixed up he was these days. The gift she had sent him was a reminder of the first time she had made it for him. It was a symbol of her acceptance of him and a sign to show her devotion, but he was blinded by his jumbled emotions. That was exactly why he was sitting by the lake in the first place. The calming effect of the waters rhythmic noise was one of the few ways he could clear his head these days. The way the breeze brought fresh air and....sniff, sniff. “Shit!” Howard swore under his breath as her scent reached him before her words did. An odd mixture of feelings tore through his belly as he jumped to his feet and turned to face the mad Slytherin. First there would be a longing to reach out for her, his heart aching for her embrace, but as her words of anger reached his ears he would feel it too. Why was she coming in so hot!? It wasn’t fair! Didn’t she know all of the shit he was dealing with?!

Uh...no ya dumbass. Maybe trying talking to your girlfriend?

“I ain’t avoidin’ ya.” Not true, but nice try. “Well...I mean...I dunno, had a lot on my mind, Fal!” Howard’s tone matched her own as it carried mixed notes of anger and sadness. “Drop you! Don’t be like that...oh gimme a break!” He threw his arms about in in frustration as she brought up Valentine’s Day. “Since when ya care ‘bout shite like that!” His heightened emotions allowed him to throw defensive words at her, but still his stomach would twinge with guilt as he did so. Why was he acting this way? Why continue to push away someone he cared for so much? “Love bites! Ya gone fuckin’ mad, Fal! His swearing was sure to escalate an already bad situation, but just like her he couldn’t stop himself once he got started. Howard couldn’t believe that she would for one second even dream that he would go behind her back with another girl. Especially Aurelia and Serena. Sure, both beautiful in their own ways, but he felt nothing about them compared to how deeply he cared for her. It should have been the moment he reached out to reassure her that she meant more to him than anything, but again his anger and frustration would win the day. “How could ya think that! Them two don’t mean nothin’ to me! That’s how low ya think ‘o me innit?! And ya wonder why I been avoidin’ ya!” It was a low blow, but Howard was at his wits end. Everything was piling up! His eyes shined bright as he shuffled about. His hands opening and closing as the stress and emotions began to boil over. His chest heaving up and down. It was getting harder to breath.

@Howard White
Mentioning: @Thomas Lestrange @Flash Holmwood

Falentra didn’t realise that for every time she threw an insult his way, gave him attitude or raised her voice at him, that it would only trigger him to react just as much, if not worse. It was true that they bounced off one another. In some cases, it was great and brought them closer together but when things like this happen it would only cause mayhem. That they were about to find out.

Howard was going all out. He was giving her as much as she had given him. It was only fair and she deserved it rightly so. But with being in such a state of mind, it only heightened her anger. “Since when ya care ‘bout shite like that!” The cheek! Did he not understand the meaning of love? Or what went through a girls head? Obviously not, but then again a girls mind was a whole other story. Sometimes even they couldn’t process how their own minds worked— probably the reason why they get so psychotic when it comes to love, jealousy and all that malarkey. “You what? What do you mean by that?” She couldn’t understand what he was saying. Did he think she wasn’t capable of showing love? While he was partly right if that was the case, the relationship that had grown between the pair had opened up a new door for Falentra. One that she didn’t know she had. It gave her the option to now care for others if she tried hard enough and even love someone is extreme cases. And she did. Howard meant the world to Falentra. It was very bold of her to think of someone she had only been with for almost a year, but he was the only one she had ever loved and felt loved by. So to not to receive an offer of appreciation on Valentine’s Day hurt her, she just couldn’t put it into words on how much it did. She only knew how to hurt people with cruel comments and it was the best self defensive she had to offer for herself. “I don’t care- I.. I should of burnt the lot. Don’t know why I gave it you. You don’t deserve shit!”

She instantly bit down on her lip, stopping herself from blurting out more toxicity. At this point even Fal knew her words were too much. No matter what he did to hurt her, she couldn’t spew out more hate. So rather than apologise, she simply lowered her gaze and had her teeth continue to chew at her bottom lip while she listened to his rant. Parts made her flinch and groan under her breath but— Mad...? Geez. She was really holding back this time. Her fingers had already found their way to the chain around her neck, fiddling and giving the odd tug was an attempt of distraction. Don't...react. Don’t say more hurtful things Fal, you’ve said enough. She told herself, over and over.


In between his rant, her gaze flickered up to him. She saw his posture, his facial expressions and his eyes. She always found them so mesmerising to stare into. To her, the eyes showed the most emotion and beauty of a person. But tonight they held a look–a colour, she had never seen. They were the darkest of a blood red but glowed so bright at the same time. He was in a fit of rage, one that Falentra was surely about to rejoin for his following statement.

“And ya wonder why I been avoidin’ ya!”

Indeed it was a low blow. Yes, the pair had been avoiding one another, but it was how he said it and how perfectly well it fit with what Thomas had left her with. His last words had burnt a mark into her brain, one that she had thought over and over since that day. ‘I can see why he gets bored of you.’ It really had stuck. Part of her thought he was bluffing all this time. There was no way Howard could ever get bored of her. Howard was like her. He said things in anger and never truly meant them. But now.. Howard’s words were like the missing piece to a jigsaw puzzle she couldn’t quite understand without. The doubts she had were now facts. It was enough to keep her mouth shut and even make her eyes tear up. Did he really mean that? The thought repeatedly ran through her mind. She wasn’t going to ask, she wasn’t going to give in and most importantly she was going to do her best to control her feelings.
Going from a uncontrollable wild dog to a timid pup would be the best way to describe Falentra right now. It was like two different people. “Do you really m-mean..t-..” She felt the tears forming heavy on her water line and her heart pounding as she stopped herself from finishing her question. Right now, she didn’t need an answer. Her mind and Thomas’ words had already answered it for her.

There was no more to be said here. Another word and the tears would roll down her face. He had hurt her more than she thought. And while it was obvious to see, she was too stubborn to let the tears fall in front of him. She wanted nothing more right now than to fall into Flashs’ arms. He may of been a second year, but the boy was mature for his age and level-headed. His presence was calming and even soothed her inner rage at times. She needed him right now. He was the only one other than Howard she didn’t mind showing her softer side to.

By this point, she wasn’t sure long she had been stood there staring into space with eyes all red and cheeks all flushed. All she did know was that she didn’t want to be here any longer. At this moment she thought he really didn’t want her or have the time for her.

Her body turned heavily and her heels squished into the mud mid spin. She had already begun walking off in the opposite direction, her heart aching and her vision blurred from the build-up of tears. It seemed the further she got away from him, the weaker she became. Her legs had only started shaking momentarily before they gave in and caused her to drop to the ground. The tears had finally fallen and her muffled cries could be heard through her hands which attempt to hide away a new form of weakness that was on display. This was embarrassing but she had no control over such an emotion as strong as this one.

@Falentra Black

Howard was unraveling with every biting word he threw back at Falentra. It was true that the pair fueled each other, a fact that had come to define their relationship. For the most part it inspired a deep passion within him as he fed off of her loving energies. She matched his chaotic tendencies and allowed him to feel fully free to be himself. However, love was not the only thing they shared with each other. There was a dark nature that flowed through each of them and it was all too easy for the pair to give in. As she came to him with heated words it ignited something within him that was just too much to handle. His crimson eyes blazed as a mixture of emotions tore through his body. There was love and longing all wrapped up in a rising feeling of dread. There was guilt and fear for his past transgressions as well as for those he knew he had yet to commit. There was rage and fury towards the world, towards her as the sense of abandonment gripped him. The separation between the two had only enhanced these emotions. Without her he just couldn’t process his feelings. He was left with no way to express his pain and fears and Howard was crumbling under the their pressure. Deep down inside he knew that he was to blame for their distance, but as her words hit him Howard would begin to crack.

It truly was a shame that they would chose to push each other away. To let their anger and fear conquer their love for each other. They should have just run to each other and embraced. They should have chosen to hold each other up, but with their words they would choose to tear each other down. You don’t deserve shit! The sad part was that Howard knew it was true the moment he heard it. It was something that he always carried with him, hidden under the tough exterior that he used to shield himself. It wasn’t just a feeling of rejection, but also a sense that he was rejected for good reason. Why else would his parents ship him away? Why else would people of this new world look down on him not only for his blood status, but for his very nature? Even the few that accepted him, even Falentra herself must have only done so out of pity. It was the farthest from the truth but Howard would not be able to see it. His friends chose to stand with him. His girlfriend truly loved him. However he would take her words of pain and anger as truth because that was how he felt about himself. He did not deserve.

The harshness of her words would slice like a hot knife, but his own anger would soon rise to save him. Howard’s trusty shield would wrap up and tuck away his kindness, leaving only his pain and fury. The words that left his mouth would match Falentra’s as he struck back. Right away he knew that he had cut her deep. Gone was her expression of anger and in its place there was only pain. Her cheeks flushed as the tears filled the brim of her eyes. Her lips would mumble something, but Howard wouldn’t hear. The pounding of his own heart was deafening to his ears as his own eyes sting with emotion. He wouldn’t know what it was right away. The tearing sensation that was ripping through his chest as they simply stared at each other. When she turned away from him and stumbled his knees nearly gave out on him, her soft cries like daggers to his heart. He would take a step forward, his arm outstretched towards her, but something would keep him from progressing any further. She was better off without him. The blood stained tears would slip down his cheek as he turned to walk away.