A Favour Solo Closed

My least favourite family member,

You can tell Father to stick that favour where it doesn't belong. Besides, that favour is far after its best before date. I was cheated into that when I was nine. Three years ago.

I absolutely abhor the opportunity to reconnect, so do tell father that I won't be coming. I don't need you to remind me to dress warmly. It's spring and the snow will be melting already. Where have you been over the past... ooh, what is it? Half decade? Roasting on the beach somewhere sunny, I should think. Sounds completely terrible. I'm sure you only told me because you're freezing your butt off while waiting for father to absolutely destroy you as you give him the news that no, I won't be seeing him.

Also, please convey my best wishes that he rot in prison for the rest of his days.

I hope he commits another crime and that you are the victim, your hating sister,
Anja

Anja,

This missive of mine will be terribly short, as I haven't the time until I visit Father again.

You must come. There is simply no way you can stay in your precious castle. Despite my absence, I do still care for you, so I must remind you that this favour is magically bound.

Come quickly,
Ethaniel

Brother,

Calm down. Father probably won't kill you. Once more, your little reminders have less than any meaning for me. Besides, I have packed already, having used my amazing brain to infer what you truly wanted.

You may now say to Father that I am coming. It will take me a few days to get there, as you know Mother can't Apparate very far. Should you need my help before then, don't bother, as the family owl has been carrying packages back and forth for days on end.

Don't forget to bring my backgammon set. It's under my bed at Linnanmurtaja. I asked the housemaid to put a charm on all the objects, so I will know if you take something that isn't yours.

Try not to die of incompetence until I arrive,
Anja

Little sister,

I have enough skill with a wand to protect myself. I am becoming more and more annoyed with you every time I have to enter your room. This time, your housemaid tried to attack me with a rolling pin as soon as I stepped foot in it. I knocked her out, but she'll be fine in a bit.

Your dearly annoyed brother,
Ethaniel

Ethaniel Murtaja,

It seems that just as you can only convey two or three sentances before collapsing, you can only understand two or three. Let me rephrase what I said earlier: I do not want you to send me any letters until I arrive. The owl is dying.

Cast some protective charms around yourself,
Anja

Anja,

I was under the impression that you used to look up to me because of my intellect. Should that no longer be the case?

Anyway, I have seen Father again and I can vouch for the fact that he is more annoyed with you than he is with me. How that is possible, I do not know, but I hope that I can extend my standing with him to you as an olive branch.

Father and I ask after Mother. How is she doing?

Ethaniel

Darling brother,

No wonder you're still single. So rude, and incapable of following a woman's command.

If only you could see the look of disgust on my face. In fact, I don't think Mother is sure of what I'm doing, the way I'm pressing into the page. I'm pretty sure, the way I'm going, that your name will be completely eradicated by an explosion of ink.

Mother is fine. A little miffed you didn't ask earlier, but I'm sure that will all be over as soon as she sends you the howler she's preparing. I'll include a little in it too.

Hoping Father hears Ethaniel's Howler,
Anja

PS: There it goes. Splat.

Ethaniel Alvar Murtaja,

How could you be so arrogant as to nearly kill the family owl. Hector is practically in hell now because of you and your crazy messages to my poor daughter!

How dare you simply shove a letter in poor Anja's face after not speaking to her in five years! How dare you even think that she will forgive you!

And yes, I'm perfectly fine. Didn't even think of asking about your darling mother's health!

Hello darling brother! Terrible job on getting a howler outside of school. I hope you're having a awful time dealing with Father, and let me repeat this: no bloody wonder you're still single!

Ethaneil,

Father called the favour in. Go back to your beach. I, for once, wish you well. Do not think that I have forgiven you, though. You are still very much a bane of my existence, but currently a worse bane is in play.

I hope Mother is devastated. Father is joyful. Getting me back seems to be his whole reason for staying alive now.

Don't hate me if my name is all over the newspapers soon.

Your proud sister,
Anja.

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