Detention Unconventional Discipline PV Howard White Re-opened

@Kit Paine

The beginning of the new year had been hell for Howard White. His demonstration had failed miserably as it had crumbled into chaotic arguments and wild displays of emotions. Unbeknownst to him at the time, many would leave that scene with open eyes and empathetic hearts, but the one he held closest would leave with nothing but pain. Not too long after he was to serve a detention that was even crazier than the meltdown in the Great Hall. His deepest and darkest fear was put on full display in front of all the others in attendance. It left him feeling exposed, embarrassed and resentful towards those that witnessed. Not to mention it was yet another rift between Falentra and he. Howard should have been able to discuss this openly with her, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to do so. As if she saw yet another of his weaknesses she would lose interest in him all together. It was dumb, immature on his part and served only to further push her away. As if all of these things weren’t bad enough, Howard was set to serve another detention. It wasn’t the idea of punishment that sat like a rock in guts. It was the fact of who had given it to him.

Yet again Howard would enter the Caretaker’s office for detention. With anger and resentment in his eyes he would stand with arms crossed and await his instructions. He blamed the man before him for the disaster that had happened in this office not but a week ago. Not only had he used his talents to disguise himself as a student while Thomas tricked and manipulated the group, but he just stood by and watched as Howard let the boggart loose. What did he hope to gain from this experience? Did he not consider how damaging it could be in an uncontrolled environment like that? Regardless of whatever excuse he might have Howard would blame him for humiliation he felt.

“Actin’ yer age this time, eh?!” The Dhampir nearly spat as the anger shook his voice. “C’mon then! What-a want!?”

As Howard entered, Kit looked up like an animal with its ears perked, attention one hundred percent on the person who had just walked through the door. He smiled softly then, setting his clipboard down on his desk and clasping his hands lightly in his lap as he waited for the Hufflepuff to say what he needed to say.

“Actin’ yer age this time, eh?!” Howard snapped fiercely. “C’mon then! What-a want!?”

When Kit met the dhampir's eyes, there was no other word for the expression on his face except for 'fond'. There was a moment or two of silence as if the caretaker was just soaking in the fact that the young man had chosen to come to the detention and face him. Then he spoke.

"...There's a difference between acting one's age and looking one's age," he pointed out casually, pushing off of his desk to approach the student. "Appearances can be deceiving. I thought you would know that better than most."

He tilted his head to regard the young man standing before him, gazing at him thoughtfully before turning around to head toward a folding screen behind his desk.

"As for what I want...simple." He continued to speak as he walked, his voice carrying loud enough to be heard even when he faced away from his addressee. "I want to get to know you. To understand more about you. Why else do you think I asked Thomas to have you and the others feed my 'pets'?"

By that time, he had slipped behind the folding screen so that he was no longer in sight, but his voice continued to reach toward the fourth year. "Your boggart taught me a lot, Mr. White. For example, I learned that for all our differences, there are parts of us that we have in common."

As he talked, his voice grew higher - younger and more feminine. When he came out from behind the screen a few minutes later, he - she was straightening her Hogwarts student robes about her.

Kit now appeared as a girl around 12 or 13 years of age with the same olive-tan complexion and wavy black hair that he had; even if hers was longer. Instead of only one eye being bright blue, however, both were. She could have been a younger sibling.

"For one thing," she said, her face grimly serious, "you seem to have trouble accepting yourself for who you are. And I..." She hesitated, thinking. "...I wanted to help you with that. If you'd be willing to let me, of course."

@Howard White

@Kit Paine

Howard stood with his fists balled at his side. His red eyes shining bright as he spoke words laced with venom. The very sight of the man before him was enough to set him ablaze, but besides his harsh words and angry scowl the Caretaker looked at him in what Howard could only call adoration. It made him uncomfortable as an awkward moment of silence fell between them. What was he getting at!? “Yeah...whatever.” The Dhampir’s words lacked the the conviction they held before as Kit deftly countered his statement. “Least I don’t go ‘round trickin’ people.” He mumbled almost under his breath as he dropped his eyes to the floor. Howard always put up a tough wall, but it was always easy to see the cracks if you took the time to look. He of course was very angry with the Caretaker and that emotion was his shield against the world, however it was fear and pain that really fueled his fury.

Howard’s eyes would snap back from the floor as Kit made his demands and moved behind a folding screen. Where was he going!? “Oh god!” He scoffed at the Caretaker’s words. Another adult with the false promises of caring! Most likely another trick to get Howard into further trouble. The eye roll would quickly turn to a squint of anger as the conversation turned to Thomas and the Boggart. “I don’t wanna talk ‘bout that!” The embarrassment and pain from that evening would flash through his belly again. Howard shifted on his feet, craning his neck to try and see what was happening behind that screen. “Hey! What-a ya doin’ back there?!” He called out, the words flustered as he began to feel overwhelmed.

“We’re...we’re not the same.” Howard called out, his angry tone growing confused as the Caretaker’s voice began to shift. What the hell was going on! His eyes would pop wide as yet another form of Kit appeared from behind the screen. How many did he have!? Not only did he appear to be younger, but this form also appeared feminine. “Me?! I ain’t the one havin’ trouble here!” It was a lie. The magic that flowed through Howard’s blood and his Dhampirism were the source behind the fear that crippled him and fueled his constant anger. “How you gonna help me!? By cheatin’ and lyin’! Changin’ yourself up whenever ya want!” Kit was not wrong. Howard was a young man in desperate need of help, but getting through to him would be incredible challenge.

The girl's eyes narrowed resentfully as her mouth twisted in disapproval at the taller boy. Her age was tricky to tell, but she couldn't have been more than a third year at most. "I never said we were the same," she told him with the impatience of a child all too used to being misunderstood. "I said there are things we have in common. We're similar but not the same." For a moment, she strongly looked as though she wanted to follow up her statement with a, 'duh', but ultimately managed to refrain from doing so.

Instead, she walked right up to Howard until she was almost standing on his feet. "You're not having trouble?" she asked, sounding and appearing entirely unconvinced. Then she sighed. "Fine. Then maybe you can help me."

She crossed her arms and met his gaze as best she could. "Sure, Kit changes his looks all the time. There are a few different students he's come to play since starting his job here at Hogwarts as a caretaker. It's a good way to learn more about students while also making sure they're not up to any mischief under staff noses and simultaneously keeping on the lookout for hags. But there's more to it than that."

The girl gestured to the nearest chair. "Can you sit please? It'd be easier to talk to you if you were closer to my eye-level. And maybe if you didn't look like you were going to bolt any second from a twelve-year-old girl."

Taking a deep breath, as if to summon all her patience, she exhaled slowly before attempting to begin again with less petulance in her tone. "My name's Tymiko; Ty for short. I don't know if you saw before, but...Kit's boggart takes my form for a reason." Her brow corregated as she frowned again.

"I'm not an alter ego of his or anything. I'm still part of him. But he keeps me separate from the rest of his mind because metamorphmagi have to separate themselves from their emotions. That's what I represent to him."

Ty looked off into some point in the middle distance, he gaze unseeing for a few seconds. "I'm the part of him that he compartmentalizes so he doesn't have to feel. Emotions have strong adverse effects on metamorphmagi powers. So, in a sense, he's split."

Aqua blue eyes re-focused on his. "...Sound familiar?"

@Howard White

@Kit Paine

“I...I doubt it.” Howard’s voice continued to falter as he tried to keep up his tough exterior, but it was slowly crumbling. Kit’s newest appearance had him on edge. It felt...wrong in a way, as if he was telling a lie. Howard was an honest, straight forward person. He was also a simple person and deception only confused him and made him angry. Also, the last thing he wanted to admit was that there was anything similar between Kit and himself. He still felt very raw about the whole ordeal that had transpired in the last detention in this office. A small part of him felt bad for losing control and becoming violent, but his anger mostly kept that in check. Kit was the one that lied and played tricks. He was at fault, the little demon on Howard’s shoulder would whisper in his ear.

“Why would I ever help you?!” The Dhampir lashed out again. “All sounds like tricks!” However, as the Caretaker continued his angry expression would slightly soften. Howard knew all too well about the dangers that lurked within and around Hogwarts. Could he really blame someone for trying to protect themselves or the students they had been charged with? “Fine.” He begrudgingly agreed to take a seat and did so with arms crossed against his chest.

“What...” Howard’s expression would turn confused as Caretaker’s feminine form began to address herself as Tymiko. The situation was all a lot for him to understand. Not only was this girl not just a disguise but she was apart of Kit’s mind that he was forced to keep separate. However, it did remind Howard of his friend Alan. He remembered him saying how tough it was for him to express himself as it often effected his physical appearance. He also remembered him saying how hard that had been growing up and that he was often forced to suppress his emotions, but never anything about splitting himself.

Howard’s gaze would fall with Ty’s next question. Did it sound familiar? In a way it did. He knew exactly what it was like to be split. Part of him was human, the other undead. Both natures constantly battling for dominance within him, but what he didn’t understand was Kit’s need to split himself. “Yeah, I see what ya mean, alright. It ain’t easy bein’ like this.” He mumbled towards his feet. Talking about his change was something he barely spoke of. Then his head would rise as he continued. “But what’s that gotta do with bein’ metamorphagi? What’s the big deal? So what ya change up when ya feelin’ somethin’. Other people got a problem with that then they can fuck off. Why you gotta go hidin’? Just stand up for yerself!”

The girl's mouth twisted and she crossed her arms over her chest. Glad as she was Howard had finally sat down and that he had at least acknowledged understanding something of what she was saying, his temper still seemed to be running pretty high. He was confused, which was understandable, but his blatant irritation was evoking her own.

"Neither of us asked to be this way," she responded with a touch of indignation. "The difference is I've had quite a bit more time to adjust to how I deal with my emotions and their effect on me than you've had with yours. Still, it's not healthy to dislike a part of ourselves so strongly that we keep it separate from the rest of us. You know that, right?" Ty regarded him, her brows steepling in an expression of concern.

At the mention of hiding, her hands balled into fists and her volume rose to a shout. "I'm not hiding!" she protested, banging one fist onto the desk top. "It's - it's not other people who are the problem. Neither you nor I care anything about what anyone else thinks. That much is obvious, particularly in your case. Your display in the hall with Falentra Black demonstrated that much."

She heaved a deep sigh, staring at the top of the desk before withdrawing her hand from it. "So tell me, then...why are you still hurting on the inside? And don't even try to deny it because you're hurting so bad it's painfully clear in your actions and behavior in general. The way you talk, your demeanor - there's so much hate." Ty leveled him with a questioning look. "Who would you say all that hate is directed toward?"

@Howard White

@Kit Paine

“Yeah, I know.” Howard responded, the frustration still thick in his voice. “I don’t dislike part of myself!” This statement would lack the conviction of his last. The caretakers words sparked something uncomfortable within the Dhampir. It was mostly true that he didn’t dislike parts of himself, but that didn’t mean that he had truly accepted what he was. The description of being split was apt. The two natures struggled for dominance within him and at times he would relate to one more than the other. Often times his humanity would take the leading role and the urges of the undead would leave him feeling uncomfortable. However, sometimes he would embrace his predatory nature as it lent him power and the ability to dominate. For him to be truly whole he would have to find a way to marry the two. If one was denied for the other it he would never find satisfaction or worse yet he could slip down a truly dark path. “It’s...it’s more complicated than that.”

“Fine! Call it what ya will. Ya don’t care what people think and so don’t I. Congratulations! But ya just said Kit has to hide ya away from everyone. Why? There ain’t nothin’ wrong with feelin’ what ya feel.” Emotion was something Howard never lacked. Especially the pain and hate that Ty spoke of. They were getting closer to the source of what fueled them. The split nature coupled with the sense of rejection repeatedly threw gas on the flame and Howard’s behavior reflected that. Lashing out at others with his words or fists was the only way he had learned to process. Not that it was ever successful but the release provided temporary relief. “I’m not tryin’ to deny nothin’. Yeah I got hate. So what! It’s towards ‘em all. You, the students, everyone! Who was there for me! No one helped!”

The girl regarded Howard curiously, tilting her head when he insisted that it was more complicated than disliking a part of himself. Perhaps it was simply difficult for him to maintain an ideal balance...as it was for the caretaker. Kit knew he himself was still constantly working on regulating his own halves. It was no easy feat, but unlike himself, Howard and other dhampir had much more at stake if they accidentally tipped too far one way and gave one side too much control over the other.

"I have to be 'hidden away' because emotions seriously impede metamorphmagi abilities," Ty mumbled reluctantly. "When emotions come into the picture, metamorphs often change their appearances without meaning to. My parents were concerned enough to find out Kit - I - was magic, but his being a metamorphmagus just made them a hundred times more paranoid.

"They never knew when his hair would start changing color or his nose might change shape in public, causing people to stop and stare. Kit already tended to draw attention with his natural heterochromia and height, so any other weirdness he exhibited only made them even more exasperated with him."

The girl shook her head. "That's why I'm sort of a manifestation of all the emotions he compartmentalized. That's what he had to do in order to appease our parents as well as society and get better control over his powers. He still turns into me from time to time, though, as an outlet, because emotions aren't meant to stay bottled up forever. But your situation is slightly different, so naturally it can't be solved the same way."

She continued to watch him, her thoughts speculative. "I suppose the equivalent of emotions taking over Kit would be if you let your dhampir half take you over with blood lust. Obviously, one of us has greater consequences for losing their cool than the other, though, so I don't envy you. But there are ways to deal with what you're going through. If you want to, that is."

When Howard insisted that his hatred was for everyone who failed to help him, the girl went very still. She stared at him for a few seconds longer, her eyes gleaming and overly bright, before walking over to try to envelop the taller boy in a sudden hug.

"...I'm sorry," she hiccuped a moment later, turning her face to the side so he couldn't see. Her voice, however, was thick with held-back tears. "I'm sorry you've been all alone this time, Howard. I really am. But...you don't have to be alone, anymore. Not if you don't want to. I promise." Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath before attempting to ask a new question in a small, meek voice.

"Did you...um..." She cleared her throat and tried again. "...your boggart...has that ever actually...have you actually experienced that?" Ty asked, her voice hardly a whisper, as if she could only just bear to speak the words.

@Howard White

@Kit Paine

Howard’s expression would soften as Ty explained why Kit had to hide this part of himself. It reminded him of his friend Alan and how he had experienced similar things coming up as a young Metamorphagi. How his parents had to hide him away from the world as any sudden shift in emotion could trigger a physical change. How is was near impossible for him to have any sense of a normal life growing up in the Muggle world. Howard’s red eyes would squint as Ty mentioned their parents finding out they were magical. It was another similarity between the two and by the sound of it his parents adjusted to it just as poorly as his had. Although the Dhampir was irritable and his temper was getting the better of him, he couldn’t stop the twinge of sadness that he felt with Ty’s words. They reminded him of his own struggle and he also worried for his friend. Would Alan’s fate follow along with Kit’s? Would he too have to suppress himself in such a way? It seemed wrong, but who was he to judge. Howard suddenly had so many questions, but as the conversation progressed his temper would flare again.

Howard’s outburst would leave him breathing heavily and his eyes as bright as hers. A silent moment would pass between them before something truly unexpected happened. His whole body would tense as she wrapped him in a hug, but would slowly relax as she spoke in his ear, her voice thick with emotion. Ty’s promise was one that he was secretly desperate to hear, but he wouldn’t be able to believe it. No matter what he did or how hard he tried Howard always ended up alone. If only he was strong enough to believe her words his world could open wide, but today was not that day. All of the sudden his shoulders would slump as a wave of exhaustion swept over him. His temper would fizzle as he lost the will to fuel his anger. His head would fall to her shoulder as he gave in to his his despair. The blood stained tears would fall from his eyes as he spoke. “You can’t promise that. No one can...”

The two would separate as the conversation shifted back to Howard’s boggart. “No.” He mumbled as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I just know it’ll happen.” The truth was he had no idea how his mother would react to him now. Would her love be strong enough to overlook a half dead son? The answer terrified him more than anything else in the world. It was so much easier to just stay away. To pretend that he didn’t exist. If only he could wipe himself from her memory it would set them both free and she could live her days in peace. It was a twisted thought, but Howard truly believed he could never go back to the life he had before. How could he? How could they ever accept him? “I haven’t seen her since I was turned.”

Howard’s eyes would make their way back to Ty. They looked tired and full of pain, maybe something they were able to understand. “So what about you? Your parents ever come around?”