Is chosen family a choice? PV Jo Morgan

Jo had spent far too long sitting on the curb outside Lady Aithne's house, too afraid to go in, after her attempt to attend summer school without permission had ended in a Howler. Thing was, Jo really couldn't care less about summer camp. Summer camp was just an excuse. Anything would have worked really - anything that would have taken up her summer so that she wouldn't have to go home and face Lady Aithne...or Rosie. Anything else would have done the job just as well.

Yet here she was, after a year of throwing herself at any and every danger that had come her way for nothing but the adrenaline that came with adventure and a desire to prove herself worthy to no-one in particular. Here she was, a failure and a disappointment, a perfect fit for the House of the Stupid and Brash.

Of course, what made all of this so horrible was that Jo had noone to blame but herself. It was her fault that she had not written any letters, although the reason was not, as everyone seemed to suspect, that Jo simply did not care about them. In fact, she would have given anything for a few words of encouragement from Lady Aithne or an update on how Rosie was doing - she missed them so sorely, even if she rarely did talk about the girl to her friends. But every time she took her quill to parchment, a crippling fear seized her as she imagined the disappointment of Lady Aithne. Fear turned to loathing of the owlery, and as Jo pushed the date of the next letter further and further back in her mind, the image of Lady Aithne's rage at being not only ignored completely but deliberately disobeyed only got clearer and more terrifying. There was nothing Jo could do but pretend that Lady Aithne's place did not exist while she was at Hogwarts. She would cross that bridge when she got to it, she told herself. Now she had gotten to that bridge, and oh boy, crossing it was not going to be easy.

Rosie had been trying to get her attention ever since she returned. That much was clear. And yet, Jo had no excuse ready for her, so she simply pretended not to notice the things that her old friend did, as if they simply weren't worth her attention anymore. However, it seemed as if her plan was beginning to fail. For the past five minutes, Jo watched Rosie's feet pacing outside her door. The one-man siege has lasted quite a while, and the Gryffindor was beginning to get nervous. Perhaps Rosie was waiting for something other than Jo. Perhaps she had come up with some nefarious plan to extract Jo from her room. But Jo was good at hiding - she had been hiding from so many people recently that she was beginning to pick up quite a few skills. Rafa, Evelynn...there were so many people she just couldn't face - she didn't even know why. Even though she had done nothing wrong, she didn't know what to say to them even if she had met them. If she wasn't going to speak to even her Hogwarts friends, she certainly wasn't going to try to talk to the girl who she was sure had replaced her in the eyes of Lady Aithne. And so she sat with her back against the wall, waiting for Rosie to give up and leave.

"Here. Take this."

Something clattered to the floor. Well...that was unexpected. A few moments after Rosie dropped the book, the door would creak open and Jo would tentatively emerge from her room, only to snap up the old poetry notebook and give Rosie a half-fearful, half-apathetic glare.

"Don't you have other people to annoy? I'm not the only one back from Hogwarts, you know."

Her features clouded over as she saw the graceful silver snake on the cover of the notebook. It seemed to be mocking her now, coiling as if ready to strike at her heart, piercing it with a fresh reminder of what she could have become if only the Sorting Hat had... Right. The notebook was the last thing Jo needed at the moment. Another memento of a dream that had vanished with her first year at Hogwarts.

Never picked you for the type to despise the place you came from, but disloyalty is an ugly thing.

"And what could you possibly know about the place I came from? It isn't all flowers, butterflies, and soda bread for all of us, Rosie. I don't "come from here". I don't belong here. I thought you'd understand that, being a future Ravenclaw and all. Or did Lady Aithne peg you for a Hufflepuff? Whoops. Guess I forgot. But who am I kidding? You don't belong here either. Lady Aithne collects kids like a five year old collects bottle caps. Whichever shiny new one catches her eye. You might be happy now, but what happens when someone else comes along that proves easier for her to mold into her perfect little student? You don't know, do you? Well...I do. Disloyalty is in a Slytherin's blood. I don't think it's me you should be talking to about disloyalty. And calling me "disloyal" for being busy at school? Talk about over-reacting.

Maybe i was wrong to assume you found family in here too.

Ah, so that was the problem. Rosie was feeling left behind - abandoned. But of course she would. How could a girl like Rosie ever understand how that felt like? Of course the experience would be new and devastating to her! Funny, that. Jo had been abandoned and picked up so many times that she had almost forgotten what it felt like to be home. Then again, maybe she had never known. Her father had been far too busy rotting away in Azkaban to even send his daughter a letter. Her mother had dropped her off - still an infant!- with a friend who promptly disposed of her in a local orphanage. Even the Higas, who Jo had naively believed she would spend her entire life with and who she would finally find happiness and a home with, had washed their hands of her as soon as she became too strange, too abnormal, too dangerous for them. Couldn't have some foreign girl threatening their fragile image of a normal family now, could they? Even her school friends back in Japan, who promised and promised to stay in touch, had left her in the end. But Rosie couldn't possibly know that, could she? Not Rosie, the pride and joy of the Aithne household. Who could probably get into whatever House she wanted just by saying "please." Who friends would probably flock to, who professors would fawn over. Who could be everything Jo had tried so hard to be and more to Lady Aithne with a wave of her perfect cherry wand. Yes, it was just like Rosie to automatically assume that Jo had found family at Hogwarts, and furthermore that she had liked them so much that she had immediately ditched poor Rosie and her friends for them. Out with the old and in with the new, just like Lady Aithne.

"You don't get to choose family. You don't choose who you're stuck with. That's what family means. And even if I could...what makes you so certain I would choose all of you?"
Jo's family hadn't wanted her. That's why she was here - in this "family" of unwanted misfits, collected from every strange place like playthings by a rich heiress with nothing else to do to pass the time.

The second-year thumbed through her old poetry notebook, flipping the yellowed pages. How foreign the scribbled words looked to her now! How meaningless her worries, how immature her fears, how naive her hopes and dreams, how pathetic those little joys that had made her laugh not a full year ago!

Jo snapped the book shut with a mocking sneer, hoping that the violence would quiet the quivering of her lip. "Why are you here? Looking for something else to take so you can play another game of hide-and-seek? Puzzles and poetry..." She shook her head and tossed the book on a desk behind her. "I've got other things to do."

What Rosie could never hope to know was that the fires of the Gryffindor Common Room crackled brightly on many a night, fueled by the inkly scribbles and crumpled parchment of dozens of unsent letters, all addressed to her and Lady Aithne. And even when inevitably gave up and fed her words unspoken to the flames, she always, always told herself that she was going once more to try and "write home."

@Jo Morgan

Everytime her temperament gets the best of her, instead of wanting to fight, flight or even scream, Rosie can only wonder how much pain can one inflict on another, just out of spite of an argument. Many things feel like the end of the world when we are at the age of eleven. Almost anything can actually end one's world. Whenever in pain, Rosie kept this silence, transitioning inside her head, is this what will take me out?
Maybe not, maybe yet, maybe until she grew everything would seem potentially bigger than what it was, it couldn't be trusted, it was reverse Wonderland scapism, messing with your senses, the things you gobble up can inflate you, just as they can blow you up.
It just hurted, and just like anything else, Rosie would want to know exactly why.
_Oh but you are the only one who ignores me. I want to know why!_Rosie could faily play an understandable person, or at least she thought. Just because someone asks a lot of questions doesn't mean their minds are open to the answers. Who was she asking for? For Jo, or for herself.
Rosie gasped as she heard Jo mock her bright self, and her soda bread. Of course Rosie knew that was more to life! But she couldn't quite see it. As a kid, what harm was her bread inflicting?

I don't "come from here". I don't belong here. I thought you'd understand that, being a future Ravenclaw and all. Or did Lady Aithne peg you for a Hufflepuff? Whoops. Guess I forgot. But who am I kidding? You don't belong here either. Lady Aithne collects kids like a five year old collects bottle caps.

_You can not keep doing this! Do not think all of us want to be rejected. I chose to belong here. Actually, I don't have to belong anywhere, but I'm here for them as they are for me, maybe I find my own place, or I'll just learn that having a place is a lie. You can't be mad at things you don't understand. Lady Aithne helped us, and she will always be here for us. Some of us just need shelter, some of us need a whole new family. You chose to not want both._

Disloyalty is in a Slytherin's blood. I don't think it's me you should be talking to about disloyalty. And calling me "disloyal" for being busy at school? Talk about over-reacting.

And with that Rosie took a deep breath, It had always been like that...Rosie will play around the bait, Jo will cast the hook aside just to see herself free of it all. Rosie wanted to ask, were you all that busy? Rosie assumed that, assumed that so many times it was almost as if Jo was in this particular net of a universe in her mind, safe and apart from everything. Just busy, everything is fine, she is just busy. Busy. Her mind, soul and heart are indeed busy. Heavy.

"You don't get to choose family. You don't choose who you're stuck with. That's what family means. And even if I could...what makes you so certain I would choose all of you?"

A knot formed in Rosie's throat. she felt that she talked now she would cry, she blanked once, twice, looking around the room.
Is this what will take me out? To beg for a friend, and to be humiliated by one?
You can't force love or care. It was one of those absolute truths one should learn at a young age. That was the difference in a chosen family, you can always leave, you can get out and pretend it never happened. There is no blood or borders, is just this big ocean, at large and at motion.
_This must be so easy to you. To think that even without the binding, you would...You would..._ Be loyal to yourself. Rosie couldn't think clearly now, to find the words. But she kept her voice strong, or at least tried. Maybe Jo turned into one of those people, the one's that easily put behind them their past selves, and all that it was made for them. So, no guilt at all.
Sure Rosie might have been childish, but at the same time how Jo made things. It was like Rosie was all of a sudden inappropriate and silly. Why was Jo's world like that? In lady Aithne everyone had lost something, or everything. Why was it that for Jo everything was worse? _So you don't care. That is all you will say?What is it that you have to do? Feel sorry for yourself? Maybe it was a good thing the hat put you in Gryffindor, that way you won't cling to what is easy. You want to be disloyal, just like you want to play this part you are playing right now. Once you hurt everyone, what else will there be?_

Oh but you are the only one who ignores me. I want to know why!

Jo's lower lip quivered as she felt the heat rise within her.

"If I had an issue with you, I'd tell you. But I don't, so I'm leaving you alone. The least you could have done was return the favor. You're so 'curious' to find out every single detail about what happened between me and Lady Aithne that you don't care that I've moved on from it. You don't care that I'm not happy here, you don't care that I don't want your help - you just won't stop until you've poked your nose in anything and everything and gotten your morbid satisfaction!"

Her facade of indifference lay in shambles as she glared at her friend with all the force she could muster. And yet, try as she might, the second-year could not bring herself to hate Rosie. She had only known the girl for one year, but they had forged such a strong bond of friendship between them during that time. They had spent so many days cooking, watching movies, and chatting with each other, and Jo had felt more understood at Lady Aithne's place than she ever had anywhere else. But it seemed Lady Aithne had done just fine without her, so what obligation did Jo have to come crawling back?

"I'm not ignoring you out of malice. I'm leaving you alone out of kindness. A...and you'd do best to leave me alone, too. Best not hang out with the disappointment, before she starts losing faith in you, too. Look, she might have dragged me back to her home, but you can't drag me back to who I was before. Neither of you can. I...I've changed. And you can't try to make me think I've changed for the worse either, because I haven't! This - all of this, Lady Aithne, her weird plans, this whole fake family thing... I don't have to depend on you guys anymore to feel useful! I matter somewhere else now. Lady Aithne wants us to think that she brought us here for a reason - that we've got some kind of potential. That we're special. Well I don't have to be special for her anymore, and if she doesn't like that... then maybe she doesn't really have our best interest in mind. I'm just here until I can go back to Hogwarts, okay?"

Rosie seemed genuinely shocked when Jo insulted her naivety, even giving a cute little innocent gasp at the subtle mention of the nickname Jo used to tease her with. Though the Gryffindor hated to think of it, she was beginning to sound a bit like Jack Burnett, what with the “taunting of the innocent”. But she couldn’t just stop now, and besides, there was a perverse sort of pleasure in this strange Devil’s advocate - in standing up to the perfect little girl who would never question her perfect guardian, in planting a seed of doubt in her mind. Jo could play at tricks too, and it was so long since she had had someone to play with in this way that she was practically aching for Rosie to snap and for her sound arguments to give way to angry shouts and sobbing whines for Jo to pick apart. In fact, she almost - ALMOST - began to sympathize with Jack. Letting her insecurities fuel her stinging words was addicting in its purely cathartic pleasure. And there was so much rage - so much pain still left in her. Yes, Jo could do this all day. Rosie, however, seemed not to think so.

You can not keep doing this! Do not think all of us want to be rejected. I chose to belong here. Actually, I don't have to belong anywhere, but I'm here for them as they are for me, maybe I find my own place, or I'll just learn that having a place is a lie. You can't be mad at things you don't understand. Lady Aithne helped us, and she will always be here for us. Some of us just need shelter, some of us need a whole new family. You chose to not want both.

”I never said that all of you - or any of you wanted to be rejected. I never even said I wanted to be rejected. But we were...and that’s why we're here. I can't deny facts like you can. Lady Aithne’s place... it’s like a jar of buttons. Like a pretty little button collection. All taken from different shirts and trousers and coats in different places, made and used and left behind. You can pretend you always belonged in that little jar of buttons, of course. After all, you’re in there because there are others like you. Everyone is a bit like you, in fact. Cars in a junkyard can pretend like they belong there too. But the fact is they’ve been used and thrown away. You can stay and primp and pose for Lady Aithne’s little menagerie of prodigies all you want. I won’t stop you or tell you how to live your life - Lady Aithne can do that well enough on her own. I’m glad that you chose to ‘belong’ here. I wish it were that easy for the rest of us.”

This must be so easy to you. To think that even without the binding, you would...You would...

Here Rosie seemed to break off, which was interesting. What was the binding? Could Rosie be talking about a Binding Mark? Nobody in Lady Aithne's household had a Binding Mark, as far as Jo knew. It was a dangerous spell, and it could be very inconvenient for those with things to hide. There were rumours that her father and his partner-in-crime Hemlock had shared such a connection, but those were just that - rumours. Of course, this didn't mean the girl wasn't familiar with tracking magic; she had purchased a copy of the Marauder's Map at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes over the summer (right when Lady Aithne had picked her up, in fact). But Rosie hadn't even been to her first year at Hogwarts! Then again, she'd been with Lady Aithne for many, many years more than Jo had, so perhaps the old woman had a trick or two up her sleeve (quite literally, in this case). This was certainly something Jo would have to look into further. For now, all she could do was listen to Rosie's argument and pretend she didn't care what her guardian thought.

So you don't care. That is all you will say? What is it that you have to do? Feel sorry for yourself? Maybe it was a good thing the hat put you in Gryffindor, that way you won't cling to what is easy. You want to be disloyal, just like you want to play this part you are playing right now. Once you hurt everyone, what else will there be?

"Just me." A cold smile came to her lips, forced through gritted teeth underneath them. “Just me, like it’s always been." Rosie was a smart girl - she probably knew she had struck a nerve with Jo when she mentioned Gryffindor. That was likely why she brought it up.

"I do care. I care about myself now - not just how I can be useful. I'm making a new life for myself - I'm not just another ingredient in Lady Aithne's potion. I don't have a "purpose'. Certainly not one that she can make for me. What proof do you have that Lady Aithne cares about us? That she knows what's best for us?"


Jo stepped out of the room completely, a green-and-silver scarf coiled snake-like around her neck, tassels swaying as she walked. The scarf was gift from Lady Aithne before she had left for Hogwarts. Now it felt like a collar - another attempt to manipulate and control her destiny before Jo could discover it herself. She tore off the sweater and let it slip from her fingers to the floor, just like Rosie had dropped the poetry notebook at her feet.

"Tell me. Are you always gonna be her little pet? Or are you gonna use her until you don't like her little plans for you anymore and then leave her behind in the dust, just like me,"she purred, sliding a hand along the doorframe as she leaned against the staircase, hoping to intimidate the girl with her nonchalance. "How long are you gonna be a little button in her jar, soda bread? If you haven't even thought that far ahead, I guess you're no more a Ravenclaw than I am a Gryffindor. And, like I said, you can talk to the Snakes about disloyalty. Sorry, but that's not really my forté. You know, house of honor and all that."

[quote]

It was not morbid satisfaction as much as it was the ridiculous alternatives that needed to be debunked. What would she do besides try to talk about it, it couldn't be indifference, or Jo would not even bother to answer. True indifference and she would even be capable of smiling and chit-chatting superficially. Bu Jo isn't like that, she wouldn't do things superficially, she can't, her temper wouldn't let her. So while it was hypocritical to spect Rosie to let go, why was she letting it go? Was this part of the "new" personality she was trying to pull off? And for who?

_Am I that curious or are you the one making a soap opera out of it with all that secrecy? You can't even have common courtesy; "Hello, how are you Rosie?", no, you can't, and you are telling me you don't want people to come and question you? What is this all for, who is this for. Why are you like this?_She made her best to not rise her voice tone. That was something Lady Aithne was very specific about from a young age. _For the record, I was not offering charity. I cared about you above those things. If you are not happy and prefer to sink in that state, should I just watch you?_

It was all sharp accusations. Would this amount to anything? "I'm not ignoring you out of malice. I'm leaving you alone out of kindness. A...and you'd do best to leave me alone, too. Best not hang out with the disappointment, before she starts losing faith in you, too." Rosie's eyebrows jumped outward, and she opened her mouth to explain it was nothing like that, but Jo kept talking, addressing the fact that she was back to a old place as a new person, but how can one grow like that, leaving a place forever and all the people in there with it? She even sounded sad - and resolute about it. Was this how she really tried to see things? "And you can't try to make me think I've changed for the worse either, because I haven't!"
_Then tell me what is better. If this is a better version of you, tell me why._
She was basically pushed out of the room, away from the door, Jo managed to distract the younger one, step by step, always furtive like a snake, the colors on the scarf. "Jo is filled with bitterness and resentment, and if not towards herself, of course is against us.", was Rosie's immediate thought, but she did not have time to try and tell Jo about how she was unfair to treat everyone as if they had already rejected her. Rosie would not be disappointed in Jo, especially not because of a house in hogwarts. She opened her mouth but closed as the scarf was teared off. Even the voice Jo was using to talk to Rosie was so weird. Honestly, why were things going like this?

Rosie swallowed, to have someone tell to your face they are their best version without you. Depend on us to be useful? More like having people to rely o. Most people will have no one, others their parents or siblings. In Aithne's house, they would have dozens of people as the years pass. Matter where? Who was this person? Rosie took a few steps back. How was this all related? Rosie couldn't even begin to ask, Lady Aithne never lied to them, how come one would feel so insulted like this? Was this teenage rebellion or simply thankless behavior.
_This is all your choice, you chose to see it that way, you chose to see a friend as a dictator. I see it now, you think an open heart and relying on people makes people weak. Say it as you mean it. You don't want US to rely on you. Is not the contrary. Then you can go and care about yourself, you must take a lot of your time, I never came to stop you, I came to listen to your side of it. It was a mistake. Buttons, ingredientes, pets, all people are colectors and belongers, If you are coward enough to think the resolution to feeling stuck is running away you're never gonna stop the dust, I can see your eyes, your eyes are the same you know, your soul must still be stuck then._

Am I that curious or are you the one making a soap opera out of it with all that secrecy? You can't even have common courtesy; "Hello, how are you Rosie?", no, you can't, and you are telling me you don't want people to come and question you? What is this all for, who is this for. Why are you like this?

Jo gave an indignant laugh. She refused to meet her old friend's eyes, choosing instead to focus on the staircase railing beneath her hand. It was easier to pretend she was talking to a stranger. A stranger who never knew her, who she had never talked about all her feelings to.

Tsk, tsk. So many questions! Lady Aithne taught you manners, too, didn't she? And to think you'd try to argue that you weren't as curious as you are! Common courtesy, indeed."

Jo hopped onto the staircase railing, curling her legs around the balusters for support as she stretched upwards.

"And why am I like this? Who are you kidding? 'This' isn't for anyone. I don't play charades like you. This isn't one of your plays or musicals. You'd rather pretend that this is all an act to get someone's attention than that I've actually become a better person? Please! I'm not so pathetic as to beg for your attention with cute little theatrics. In fact...that's exactly what you're doing. So spare me the lecture. I don't need your pity, and I don't need your attention. Can't you understand that I'm doing better away from here? Can't you understand that I'm doing better without you!? Just like you'll do better without me. Lady Aithne will make sure of that."

As soon as the words came out, she knew that she had gone too far. She didn't think of Rosie as a friend anymore, but the thought of becoming enemies broke something deep inside her heart, even though she hated to think of it. The second-year looked up sharply to apologize, and yet she could not bring herself to utter the words, instead slamming her hand down, hard, on the stair banister as she glared at the floor. This was not the time to be weak. Jo had grown - she had gotten over everything at Hogwarts, or so she thought. Gotten over the pain, gotten over the emptiness, gotten over the anger and the seething feelings about Lady Aithne. When Jo chose not to write back, everything seemed to just fade away for the moment. No Lady Aithne, no fake home, no Rosie to rise up and take her place. It was only when she had come back that everything had come rushing up again. It was all too much to take. Rosie was the new favorite now, getting into the perfect little house and preparing to live out her perfect little magical dream life while Jo ranted and threw things and made enemies. Jo had been attacked by giant insects, had her free will taken away with a love potion, and even been threatened with a horrible death by ogre, but of course Rosie wouldn't have to deal with any of that, now, would she? No, of course she wouldn't. She'd made so many friends and all the professors would love her, and she'd write Lady Aithne maybe every month or every week and get little packages of perfect soda bread and little presents in return. Rosie was the paragon of the perfect little prodigy - it was no wonder that Lady Aithne loved her little mini-me. And to think that Jo might have become one of her puppets! No, it was a good thing she had gone away. For as long as she could, anyway.

For the record, I was not offering charity. I cared about you above those things. If you are not happy and prefer to sink in that state, should I just watch you?

"Did you really?" Aww, this was just too precious. To think that they could stay best friends! To think that Jo would be content to live with a constant reminder of who she was. To play second fiddle to someone who used to look up to her. Jo used to be so sure that they would rise to the top together. But now it was all gone. The better Rosie realized that, the better off the both of them would be. Not that it would be hard for Rosie to find a new replacement for Jo. Lady Aithne had done it easily enough.

Then tell me what is better. If this is a better version of you, tell me why.

"Because I'm alone. Just like I'm supposed to be. When I'm by myself, I'm always on top. I don't have to be anyone's favorite anymore. I've got no reputation to keep up - no friends to have to be nice to. It's just me versus the world." She smiled. "Dad would be proud."

Of course, Dad had Hemlock. Jo thought she'd always have Rosie by her side. But not like this.

This is all your choice, you chose to see it that way, you chose to see a friend as a dictator. I see it now, you think an open heart and relying on people makes people weak. Say it as you mean it. You don't want US to rely on you. Is not the contrary. Then you can go and care about yourself, you must take a lot of your time, I never came to stop you, I came to listen to your side of it. It was a mistake. Buttons, ingredientes, pets, all people are collectors and belongers, If you are coward enough to think the resolution to feeling stuck is running away you're never gonna stop the dust, I can see your eyes, your eyes are the same you know, your soul must still be stuck then.

I'm starting anew. I'm making a new home for myself. That's exactly what you're supposed to do when you're stuck. Look - I failed Lady Aithne, and I failed you. So I'm starting again, somewhere else.

It wasn't until the second part of Rosie's monologue that Jo's temper began to emerge.

"And what do you know about my soul? You don't know anything about me! Not anymore. We haven't met for an entire year. I've learned things since then. I've moved on. I'm not feeling stuck, you are. You're stuck in the past because you feel like you belong there. Because everything was right back then. Well, it never was! I don't feel stuck, because I never belonged here! I never belonged here with YOU!"

Seething, Jo looked at that horrible notebook with its curling silver snake and the memories of laughter contained within. In a way, it was everything about her old self. All of her thoughts, her hopes, her naive dreams. Her past. The girl pulled out her wand, gripping it tight despite the slight quiver in her hand. This was it. No going back.

"Wingardium Leviosa."

The book began to float gracefully in the air, its pages rustling as it flapped open. Like a dove. But this notebook would be no dove to her. No...this was her phoenix. From its ashes, she would rise. Above Rosie. Above Lady Aithne. Above everyone - even the perfect little girl she had thought for so long that she was destined to become.

"I...Incendio," she muttered, looking away. The wand glowed hot in her hand, but no response. Ah, right. That curious nature of black walnut - it always hated when its owner had doubts.

"I said, Incendio!" Jo roared as she leapt off the banister, planting both feet firmly onto the ground one in front of the other, straining so hard that her teeth gritted against each other.

The wand, perhaps sensing the fury of its master, did not need to be told again. A blast of red-orange light shot from the its tip, and the book burst into flames. For a few moments the room glowed brightly, casting dark shadows onto the two girls' faces.

Jo wiped away a tear. The smoke, of course. It must have been some smoke that had gotten into her eyes. Blinking the rest of the mist away, she straightened up and fixed her eyes once more upon Rosie.

"How's..." She swallowed. "How's that for burning bridges, soda bread?"

@Jo Morgan

Jo was for sure not okay. For sure angry. And for sure too proud to admit it. If she would not be the bigger person what would Rosie do, honestly, Jo was annoying her so much, it was just easier to make a silly thunder out of this small tempest. What a hard person to deal with. Why will not she take any help? And pretend like she is being stronger because of it? She was acting so weird.
In the winds that blow unfaravable to this young lady's spirit what can she help with besides sticking to herself. It was silly because she had a lot to figure out and organize before going to hogwarts and she definitely wanted to start fresh with no rusty tilted perceptions of the people there. This small seed....What was it? Was it fear or was it doubt, the eternal question, she would trouble Rosie's night of sleep.
Why was she so mean about Lady Aithne, and above all, of her! Fine be mad at the adults...But Rosie truly...Though- she believed! She believed they had a connection. Like a special thing Jo felt too that would not change by how far they were. This weird feeling in Rosie's stomach was keeping her from walking away but also from completely staying. _I see now. Staying and being loyal are not the same thing. Maybe you could have chosen from one of them. No. You chose, but you chose neither. I get it now. Fine._ Maybe a chosen family was not a choice, it probably felt like you chose them and they chose you, but at the end of the day, it felt like it was bound to happen, natural as blood, natural as fate, natural as you two together.
Disloyalty will come from inside, before being disloyal to others, a lost soul is disloyal to itself. Is not a choice because no one chooses first, is a mutual rise of a statement.
What charade was that?

_{"You don't get to choose family. You don't choose who you're stuck with. That's what family means"
"I'm not ignoring you out of malice. I'm leaving you alone out of kindness."
"Can't you understand that I'm doing better away from here? Can't you understand that I'm doing better without you!?"}

How easy it was, for this mask Jo was wearing, as if Rosie had not lived with her for a year. Play the detached. The one that leaves. The one who..._You can not be trusted. Hope you are proud of that image you have going on. Guess you are too cool for feelings._No binding or commitment whatsoever to what they talked and lived together. Rosie got so embarrassed her blood went straight to her cheeks. Wow, how dumb to care and daydream about Jo. How was Jo. Was she happy? Was she thinking of Rosie?
Newsflash! Apparently not, none of it. HOW SILLY. And Rosie considered herself to be professional? Marlin, she was so stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid. That feeling filled her inside out and she could not figure out where this came from. Why or how was this so strong and sad to her - and strictly her - as if all was her own fault and she was the ridiculous one. Scenarios of previous past interactions with other people flashed in her eyes, was she that annoying? Would she meet others like Jo that would cause her to feel that same way?
_Yeah. Guess I am sorry to hold you back. If that is what you hoped to get from doing this to me._ The feeling in her stomach was making her sick. She felt so small. Like a child. The child that she was. She wanted to start crying. She wanted someone to hug. Why was Jo so cruel, that was not how the family in lady Aithne's house was supposed to go! Why was Jo being so mean? Rosie could not think of things to say anymore. What could she, Jo was purely in a state of power, apparently glad to know how strongly she could get to Rosie. Friends do not do that. They do not hurt you just because they can. The worst enemy is always an old friend.

Jo went silent, the silence was so urgent that Rosie even looked at Jo, to see what was happening. Jo looked back and as Rosie could not breathe she simply held Jo's look and a part of her was so eager and desperate for a sorry, for a hug, for a transition. Something. "Stop this'', Rosie thought, strongly. "You can stop this." But Jo did not. Choose not to. Everything is a choice, a choice with others. At that moment Rosie chose not to say anything too. Enough was enough.

_{"Because I'm alone. Just like I'm supposed to be. When I'm by myself, I'm always on top. I don't have to be anyone's favorite anymore. I've got no reputation to keep up - no friends to have to be nice to. It's just me versus the world. Dad would be proud."}

That is what it was. About competition. About Lady Aithne. Rosie wanted to tell Jo that Jo was her favorite. But she would not give Jo that, not now. _Let's see how far you can get with that mercenary attitude._ For a fact two can only fight when both want it. Rosie never wanted this. She didn't need it, and second, Jo probably didn't need it either. Jo wanted that, that's for sure, but she did not need it. _Runaway for the rest of your life just like your dad. You can't even say you are doing for a purpose. You are doing what's easy. That's not moving on from being stuck. That's...going backwards._ The horror. The audacity. What was this person? That wasn't the person Rosie loved to talk to, was not the person she thought when she had good news to share, that wasn't the friend she wanted to hug when she had a bad day. Yeah, congratulations on moving on.

Just as Rosie let her shoulders relax, because the discussion was over, and well, apparently things had been decided and she would at least not be delusional or hopefull anymore, she started to take a turn to go down the stairs before she fell or worse and.

._{"Wingardium Leviosa...I...Incendio"}

_Jo! JO- Jo, don't!_ She looked up at the book and back to Morgan. Nothing happened so maybe Rosie could still stop her. Rosie took a step to get closer to Jo, she could see how Jo lips shifted. She hesitated. _Jo, seriously don-_

_{"I said, Incendio!"}

And as the book started to burn Rosie could not look at Jo anymore. First, mesmerized by that act of cruelty and ignorance. Secondly by the fire and what fuelled that spell. That was not the work of a cold calculating manipulative snake. That was the fire and the passion, angered and not thoughtful but mostly brave, of a lion. She truly was a gryffindor. Burned bridges. Broken heart.
Rosie looked at Jo, up and down, with extreme disgust, she could not even hide it. That was so brute and insensitive. Was obscene. Rosie would not stand by it. She turned her back and started going down the stairs, she wanted to go as fast as possible, she would not cry in front of Jo Morgan.

I see now. Staying and being loyal are not the same thing. Maybe you could have chosen from one of them. No. You chose, but you chose neither. I get it now. Fine.

But did she? Jo could not see how Rosie understood. If she truly understood, then perhaps she would realize why Jo had chosen to leave. Why even alone was better than dragging someone else down with her. It was too late for Jo, but Rosie could still be Lady Aithne's shining star. She just had to do the right things, act the right ways, stay with the right people. How could she stay loyal to the woman who had seemingly brushed her aside when she had become a disappointment? No. She was betrayed. She had chosen to leave, to make a life for herself. How dare Rosie insinuate that she was the one who had callously rejected Lady Aithne out of some unfathomable selfishness? No, this was necessary for Jo to find herself. And if that meant questioning her loyalties or even abandoning the girl she had thought was her best friend but was now no more than her replacement, then so be it. Joe would rather be nothing at all to the Aithne household than the shame - the one who failed.

You can not be trusted. Hope you are proud of that image you have going on. Guess you are too cool for feelings.

Perhaps a Slytherin could be that way, but Jo was no Slytherin, as she had been made so horribly aware of. Her chest burned hot, her cheeks burned hot, and her brain pounded with heat and pain.

"Go ahead and think that if you want. It if makes everything better. But if you really were a Ravenclaw you'd see that I'm not the one who can't be trusted here. But I think we can both agree that if it means you don't have to challenge the way you think, you're quite content with making me the villain of your story. I'll be happy to play the part..."

...until you come back to me, Jo nearly continued. She couldn't go back now, so the only way they could fix things was if Rosie could somehow come to see how she see. Maybe then they can see eye-to-eye. But between Rosie's trusting naïvety and Jo's abrasive irritability, there was no way such a thing could happen - not as far as she could see, at least.

Let's see how far you can get with that mercenary attitude.
Far away enough from Rosie, it seemed. And that was all she needed.

It seemed Jo would not have to simply play the part of the villain, however. Apparently Rosie was dead-set on antagonizing her "for real."

Runaway for the rest of your life just like your dad. You can't even say you are doing for a purpose. You are doing what's easy. That's not moving on from being stuck. That's...going backwards.

"My father never ran!" Jo slammed her hand on the banister once more, shoulders heaving, hazel eyes full of wrath. "He was betrayed by a coward. Someone who couldn't learn to move on. Guess that runs in the family, huh?"

Who did Rosie think she was, that she could insult Jo's father to her own face? What could she and her happy little soda bread family possibly know about coming from such a background? Jo had half a mind to point her wand at Rosie there and then, having learned quite a few hexes and curses in her first year. But she couldn't actually hurt Rosie. No, siree. Imagine Lady Aithne's reaction should she learn that the rebellious disappointment had hurt her precious new favorite out of jealousy!

"My father was a fighter." Her voice quivered as her hand curled into a fist. ”He is a fighter. And when he gets out of Azkaban, I'm sure he'll tell you that himself. You...you can't make me ashamed of him. And Lady Aithne can't either. My father never ran away. He never surrendered or took orders from others. He never let himself be bound by what other people thought of him - how everyone else thought he should act. He carved his own path, chose his own definitions of right and wrong. Nobody can define me or tell me what I'm worth, not you or Lady Aithne or anyone else! And if that means you'll leave me too, if you're too happy and busy being her new pet, then GO!

As the grey ashes flew around them and Rosie stared at her with loathing and disgust in her once-warm eyes, Jo did not feel like a rising phoenix. Phoenixes were born of fire, but the tears on her face were cold. She felt as if she were being dragged down into some pit rather than soaring above the clouds. There was no going back from this, and yet moving on felt like some crime. She had won, hadn't she? With the burning of the book? Shown Rosie that the conversation was over, that there was no use in dwelling on the past?

She had won, so why did that look hurt so much?

"Go on, run away, like a little coward! Afraid I'm gonna set you on fire or something? Go on, go run and tell Lady Aithne, soda bread," she called after the girl in a taunting manner, not knowing what else to do.

She picked up the lump of silver that had used to be the snake on her notebook and tossed it after the girl, lip curling into a snarl as she heard it clattering down the stairs.

"There's a penny for your thoughts," she shouted. Why was she shouting? Why was she trying to get Rosie's attention, after she had finally left her alone? There was nothing more to say. She was finally alone, just like always. So why didn't it feel right?

Maybe she just needed a hug some rest. Yes, that was it. No doubt Rosie was running her mouth to Lady Aithne right now, blathering about all of the awful things Jo had said.

Jo pointed her wand at the door. "Colloportus," she sighed, listening with satisfaction as the lock clicked. Not that Lady Aithne wouldn't just open it back up with a spell anyway, but even a moment's peace was welcome.

Turning off the lights, Jo pulled the covers over her head and shut her eyes tightly. Maybe if she could lock out her worries for just one minute more, everything would all go away.

[quote]

"Go on, run away, like a little coward! Afraid I'm gonna set you on fire or something? Go on, go run and tell Lady Aithne, soda bread"
Nothing in that argument fit into place. It was all for nothing but still Rosie got all the wrong answers. Wrong answers for what she idealized and to what she was set to accomplish. Now it felt like her direct fault! And she could not get her head around that frustration because what did she ever do? The favorite? Not trusting Lady Aithne? What was all that? Rosie could barely grasp all that was said. So Jo felt left behind? Jealous? That she would be better alone? Or better just telling herself she would not need anyone's approval anymore. Rosie never wanted to approve of anyone. Or to be approved. It was free Jo, the acceptance and liking you, the friendship it was for free, you are not what you have to offer. That was what should have been said...But it wasn't and now it was all stupid all together. Why should Rosie give free support and friendship to someone who only offers rejection and stubbornness. Chosen family is a choice when one wants it to be after all, in which case it is not a chosen family of hearts but of attributes. How is that different from blood families then? The whole point was lost. No wonder Jo felt rejected by both options. So she wanted neither. What have Rosie and Lady Aithne had to do with her severity for herself?

Rosie went to the backyard and cried until her head hurt. Then she went back upstairs to her own room, Jo's door closed and in utter silence. Rosie closed her door with the foot and fell in the bed, trying to sleep to get the sad feelings to pass.

____________________________________________________________________

After two days Lady Aithne came to ask why was Rosie acting strange, and Rosie opened up talking about how she felt. Maybe Jo would hate to have Rosie in Hogwarts. That it was weird that Jo wasn't a Slytherin and how upset she was, even though the hat is never wrong...Jo felt like Rosie took her position but Rosie doesn't see positions, she does not want that one, and Jo does not get it. Lady Aithne told Rosie to settle, and to give time to things. To not be so upset and unbridled, that was bad for her. How about eating some new Willew Bread fresh from the oven?
Worst case scenario, Rosie could try chasing Jo and making things right in Hogwarts, the angry Griffyndor would be more comfortable in that environment anyway, her new life.