I really shouldn't be here… PV Finished

The dungeons was a perfect place to be alone, they weren't as airy or beautiful as the outdoors but it was quiet and held less people then the outdoors. Pro and cons of the place, most ended up down there for potions class or for certain cases to the slytherin common room which sat nestled in a corner of the dungeon against the black lake where students could see the ripples of water against glass or the passing of the resident giant squid.

Overall through many students tried to avoid the eerily place, most saw it for what it was. A damp, cold, and dark place that put people on edge and worry in the back of their minds especially those who experienced the events of last year.... so many would only venture down there for their occasional potions class not counting the slytherin students of course who called the dark and eerie dungeon home for part of the year.

Henry Knight: second year slytherin and top of his year. The boy spent years before Hogwarts reading his time away and learning, not that he ever cared since during the school year there wasn't much for him to do besides from read. Even during summer holiday's Henry would learn from his older brother about the classes and subjects at Hogwarts to prepare him for his own experiences at the magical school. However with all this time reading he never learned how to show his emotions so he mostly kept them bottled up and hidden from the world which at times proved to be rather useful but in times like right now when he has much on his mind and couldn't take the pressure any more it wasn't as helpful and because of his wanting to hide his emotions all the time, when his thoughts and anxiety takes over now he will get the occasional panic attack or mental breakup.

However he was still rather predictable friends would most likely find the boy at the library or the great oak tree on the edge of the black lake which on most day's he was at one or the another either reading or dwelling on his thoughts.

This day however was his usual day, he couldn't help but have the nagging feeling in the back of head that something bad will happen and that his father was hiding something from his again so instead of his usual places. Henry left the slytherin common room and decided to wander aimlessly down the mysterious dungeon halls as he dwelled on his worrying and anxiety ridden thoughts.

Each step taken felt like a hundred as the more he dwelled the more he felt the pressure on his chest, his breathing got tighter and head throb. He felt the beginning stages of a panic attack emgering. Henry leaned his head on the dungeon wall and closed his eyes as he felt his breathing quicken, head throb, heart pound, and thoughts spiral around his head faster then he could recognize, so fast that his eyes felt dizzy and his whole body shook.

Henry didn't think it was possible to experience a feeling worse then his transformation but he never experienced a panic attack this bad as his knees went out from under him and he fell to the ground. Back still leaning on the wall as he tried to maintain his breathing... in and out .... in and out....

Henry felt hopeless, he felt powerless like no matter what he did he couldn't stop it. He couldn't stop his father from hiding things from him and his siblings, he couldn't stop what his father's family had planned for him, he couldn't stop the bad events that were to come, he couldn't stop anything.... he was useless, why should he be there, why was he there? He should just run away now and save others the trouble from worrying about him... it's not like he provided any value or help in a situation, he was just a burden. A burden that was better off gone.... he didn't have a hug group of friends and he doubted the friends he had would notice if he disappeared so he should disappear it will save everyone the trouble anyway.

Henry sat on his knees as he wrapped his hands around his head and covered his ears with his elbows that he felt on his face. Henry rocked back before shaking again, thoughts circled his head as his head throb and heat pounded with one choice so close to him it was hard to resist not choosing it.

Henry leaned forward so he sat on his knees keeping his hands on his head, he figured that hardly no one would be there that no one would hear his panic attack. That no one would noticed he disappear... if you fall in a forest and no one is around do you really even fall or make a sound?

Henry knew he should get up, put on his mask and walk away but he couldn't. Was there something holding him to that position or did Henry not want to leave and face reality again? He knew this was his fault, the panic attack. He knew he shouldn't have shut his emotions away and his them away from the world and every set of peering eyes but he did, he did and he still didn't regret it as he sat on the floor of the dungeon leaning his side on the wall. His chest felt like a rope was casted around him, each second get tighter and tighter making it harder to breath while his heart pound in his chest and through his ears throb with memories and things that he couldn't do.

Henry needed to control this, he leaned his back on the wall of the dungeon and took slow and calming breaths. He had to get through this, he needed to end this. Henry ran his hands through his hair and rested them there for a minute as he looked down at the dungeon floor, thinking. Thinking about what he could have done, what he should of done with his anxiety, worries, stress, thoughts, emotions, hidden life, family, twin sister, and father. Everything he should said or wrote to prevent this and everything else that will or won't happen.

He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be on the ground. He had to leave, to go but something kept him there. A invisible force almost acted on him so he couldn't leave or move. But at the moment it wasn't bad, he was just sitting there and no one else was around to see this, to witness him so maybe he could stay for a little longer at least.

"Are you okay?" A voice, a familiar voice at that but it was probably his imaginative. No one could be down there, who else would be down there?

That's what Henry thought before he felt something, someone rubbing their fingers through his hair accompanied by that voice again "Henry, I don't know what's wrong, but I do know that it's going to be okay. You're not alone, I'm here with you. I'm here for you." This time Henry looked up to find a familiar face; Alexa Mackenzie.

Having grown up without a mother for most of his life and with his father away so offended it made the boy mature and grow a sense of independence so someone stroking his hair felt odd and kind of new to him.

Anyway that didn't stop the embarrassment from rushing to his head as he quickly stood up and dusted himself off. " A...Alexa uh it's good to see you," Henry spoke, he noticed he stuttered and didn't like that fact that he started that way. He was slightly embarrassed but kept it hidden as well with his other emotions from Alexa, Henry then spoke" Me? I'm f..fine, fine. I'm fine. What about you? A..are, are you fine?"

He had to focus, focus on his words and thoughts. He couldn't stutter now, not after what just happened and especially not in front of someone who he wanted to be friends with or in Henry's mind; not in front of a friend.

He ran a hand through his hair before feeling the scar on his chest burn, he naturally ran a hand over his chest resting it on the pendant hidden under his shirt and jacket. The pendant he remembered his mother gave him his birthday the one before she died. Something about Alexa stroking his hair bright back memories and a wave of emotion, if he didn't know it then Henry would have said he liked her doing it. That it was calming him down and reminding him of his life, the one before his mother died.

Henry smiled a bit at Alexa before adding sitting a bit embarrassed " so why are you down here Alexa? I was just thinking uh among other things."

It was hard to explain, almost if a unknown but familiar feeling toward Henry as he felt Alexa strike his hair. On hand he felt embarrassed but on the other he felt comfortable and reassured, like when his older brother used to comfort him when he had panic attacks after their mother died but when she stopped and started talking Henry listened. He felt embarrassed but less and kept it hidden from her as he nodded to her before saying " your lost? Maybe I could help you?" Henry then smiled as he agreed with her, " yeah I definitely agree with that. The dungeons aren't my favorite place either, I perfer the great lake really or the library."

With her questions Henry felt his chest tighten and breathing quicken but he quickly controlled it and gave her another smiled as she continued. Saying that they were friends and he could tell her anything in which Henry smiled, " thanks and same to you since were friends, you can always come to me if you need help or someone," Henry smiled a bit before continuing " I don't want to burden you Alexa, it really doesn't matter."

Henry was lying a bit since he did want to talk to someone and his brother even told him it talk to someone while at Hogwarts so maybe he should. He definitely did as he looked at Alexa and his mind was racing as he was inclined to tell her and confide in her then what was holding him back?

Talking with @Alexa Mackenzie
Sorry for the wait, I promise that won't happen again

Henry smiled at her comment as he felt less embarrassed and more comfortable around Alexa, he definitely liked talking to the girl and there was something he couldn't exactly explain that he felt around her. Henry continued to pounded it as she spoke again stating that she also like the great lake and library in which Henry smiled at her as he spoke " really? Maybe we should meet there sometime to study together or something," a part of Henry liked the idea, he didn't have many friends and having one like Alexa was definitely a added bonus.

Henry felt weird addressing his burdens to others so he smiled at her as she spoke and watched as she sat and leaned against the dungeon wall. Henry leaned his back on the wall to and slide down so he was seated next to her, unsure what to say but definitely wanting to say something as he looked toward her.

Henry then smiled as he spoke " alright Alexa," he smiled before continuing " since were friends maybe we should tell each other about one another a bit? That is if you want?" Henry offered her a smile and looked into her eyes before continuing " so who are you Alexa?"

interacting with @Alexa Mackenzie

Henry smiled as Alexa agree to studying with him at either the great lake or library in which the twelve year old boy blurted out, " great it's a date then-" seeing his wording and how that could be taken the wrong way Henry began to fluster and even stutter again as he corrected himself, " not a d..date, date just a friend meeting thing r..really. Not that being on a date with you wouldn't b..be amazing Alexa, I'm not- uh just a study meeting then," Henry looked away as red spread across the boy's face and sweat could be felt on his neck hairs as he regretted saying anything or speaking even.

Henry then Turner back to gave Alexa as she started to talk about herself, he smiled as he listened. It almost sounded like they had a bit in common when she finished Henry smiled as he spoke " you sound amazing Alexa, I'm glad were friends," again he smiled at Alexa before thinking about the question she asked him.

What to say about myself? Henry Knight? Should I just list out hobbies but she already knows them from the train then what..... there isn't much to say about me so maybe I should move on or maybe I shouldn't? If I do what would she say and if I speak something stupid again then that would be worse won't it? Maybe I shouldn't.... or Is should? But I shouldn't... ugh Henry just say something, anything just talk about yourself but I can't.... yes I can... no you can't.... yes I can... can't.... can.... can't... ugh this is pointless I need to say something but what if I embarrass myself again like always?

After sometime with his thoughts Henry took a breath before saying " I'm uh normal you can say, nothing special really. I love animals and learning, I also love taking pictures and playing the violin. I love reading, when I was younger I use to do it a lot to buy time and I love my older brother. Uh I love my friends to and I love hanging out with them even through I don't have a lot. Charms is also my favorite subject along with potions, astronomy, and soon to be care of magical creatures. I never had a lot of friends besides one or two before Hogwarts and before I got here I thought it was going to be different, my brother told be amazing things about hogwarts but now sometimes it feels like a home but other times it feels like isolation."

Henry looked down before he smiled and looked back toward Alexa as he said " I can't think of anything else either, uh," Henry stared at her for a bit before looking across at the other wall if the dungeon. Damp and cold even through he was touching it, he could imagine the feel of it on his hand and the back of his neck creeping all over him.

Henry then smile as he looked at Alexa a but before saying " this is nice getting to know each other," Henry wasn't sure what else to say so he just spoke " what about families? I don't really know your family and you don't know mine, we can tell each other if you want or not?"