The Forgotten Veil
Or, "what is the value of emotion when it comes to the greater good?"
Or, "how a nameless man spent half a novel earning a name only to then give it up."
Or, "power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely unless [enter a terrible excuse]"
1. Setting
2. Main character
3. Main plot
4. Two subplots
5. Three secondary characters
6. Known scenes
Or, "how a nameless man spent half a novel earning a name only to then give it up."
Or, "power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely unless [enter a terrible excuse]"
1. Setting
2. Main character
3. Main plot
4. Two subplots
5. Three secondary characters
6. Known scenes
This outline contains mature themes.
Sensitive audiences should not proceed even though the below content is PG-13.
This thread is comprised mostly of notes for myself, so there will be major spoilers. If you're going to read the novel, maybe you shouldn't read this. It may not even make a lot of sense to you if you do read it in the current state it's in.
Themes:
loyalty - conformity vs. individuality - tradition - mistakes - emotion vs. reason - love - civil war - dystopia - class struggle - efficiency - quality of life - addiction - crime - forgiveness
Last edited by Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood on 25 Dec 2020, 20:23, edited 19 times in total.
The Forgotten Veil
1. Setting
System 23B - Mukutā Governmental HQ
System 23B - Mukutā Palace of the Emir
Excerpt:
"Sheikh Tau arrives in Mukutā, the only system in Kiritau named in addition to being numbered (23B). It is, after all, the capital where aristocrats get to bandy about their own names, walk publicly without facial coverings, and otherwise attempt to distance themselves from faceless proletarians. The domes and spires of the Emir’s palace, distantly imbedded on the mountainside, glint in the setting sun. Tau climbs out of his dropship and with a thrust of his fist sends his scouting eagle flying. He barely looks at the vaulting arabesque towers that mark the entrance to Mukutā’s subterranean seat of government as he trudges his way through the dunes at their base. Climbing the large marble steps for the thousandth time, Tau has no reason to look at the ivory and lapis mosaics on either side of him that depict the origins of Kiritau’s first emirs... With the light of day slipping away, the last visitors to the seat of government are heading out just as Tau arrives at the top of the stair blocks."
TL;DR: The seat of power for regional government, the aristocracy, and crime for the Emirate of Kiritau. Development level 5 communications and currency world.
Story function: Yes, 23B provides a fight scene location where Tau can close the Descendant War subplot, but more importantly it depicts what exactly fine high society had that is lacking for have-nots everywhere else in the emirate: wealth, art, power, visible history, colorful public identities, fancy personal names, and needlessly tall architecture.[/quote]
System 23B - Mukutā Governmental HQ
System 23B - Mukutā Palace of the Emir
Excerpt:
"Sheikh Tau arrives in Mukutā, the only system in Kiritau named in addition to being numbered (23B). It is, after all, the capital where aristocrats get to bandy about their own names, walk publicly without facial coverings, and otherwise attempt to distance themselves from faceless proletarians. The domes and spires of the Emir’s palace, distantly imbedded on the mountainside, glint in the setting sun. Tau climbs out of his dropship and with a thrust of his fist sends his scouting eagle flying. He barely looks at the vaulting arabesque towers that mark the entrance to Mukutā’s subterranean seat of government as he trudges his way through the dunes at their base. Climbing the large marble steps for the thousandth time, Tau has no reason to look at the ivory and lapis mosaics on either side of him that depict the origins of Kiritau’s first emirs... With the light of day slipping away, the last visitors to the seat of government are heading out just as Tau arrives at the top of the stair blocks."
TL;DR: The seat of power for regional government, the aristocracy, and crime for the Emirate of Kiritau. Development level 5 communications and currency world.
Story function: Yes, 23B provides a fight scene location where Tau can close the Descendant War subplot, but more importantly it depicts what exactly fine high society had that is lacking for have-nots everywhere else in the emirate: wealth, art, power, visible history, colorful public identities, fancy personal names, and needlessly tall architecture.[/quote]
System 4B
TL;DR: This development level 4 pastoral world that hides a spiffy mystery. System 4B gives itself up pretty much instantly during the Kiritauan Civil War because its location between 3B and 5B, which both fell to the corrupt generals.
Story function: While 4B's surrender gives some strategic flavor to the emirate's Civil War, the system's true value to the story lies in the myth of its Vale of Divine Symmetry. This is a place that is rumored to have a set of symmetrical but opposite mountain peaks that, according to legend, conceal an ancient emir's tomb. Tau came across this information early on and had always wanted to go there to uncover its mysteries. The vale stories Tau shared with Raa set the place up to be somwehere they can look forward to exploring one fabled day when they get away from their duties of serving the emirate. To sum up, it is a symbol of life outside of serving Kiritau and having some semblance of a normal, enjoyable life of their own. Will they ever make it there to uncover the secrets of this promised land? Let's see what shape it's in after the civil war...
System 14B
TL;DR: Development level 5 fuel refinery world of huge strategic importance. System 14B is a tectonically active world with many mountain ranges and volcanoes.
Story function: Aside from providing a suitable place for Harare Kekeno to die, thereby giving the reader some reasons to hate/fear/admire? Huka and his generals, 14B is the most critical resource world for military success. It is Kiritau's only significant local fuel source, which is increasingly important during Galactic Civil War political and economic instability. Since Kiritau is seen as expendable by imperial bureaucrats enjoying the Emperor's time in the hospital, it is understood that Kiritau cannot depend on imports of fuel from elsewhere in loyalist space should 14B fall to enemy forces. As such it will be the linchpin in the collapse of government control due to the sabotage of fuel being supplied to Kiritau's loyalist navy.
Excerpt:
"Under the aetherlight of the two moons of 5B, the rhythmic tapping of a hard object could be heard. And under the fragmented light that shone past rocky edges of Mountain 34 and that pierced through the thick layer of smog, an old man walked." [courtesy of Alexander]
System 20B
TL;DR: A large development level 5 pastoral world where Tau starts out as a bedouin.
This world is where Tau begins his life as a low-class bedouin who happens to be surrounded by opportunities to learn about information control due to 20B's high development level. It also happens to be Taurangi's homeworld.
Story function: 20B is, like most worlds in Kiritau, a nameless world. Homeworld of Tau and Taurangi, 20B provides the backdrop for how Tau begins with no name. This is where exposition for name and vocation conventions get explored, and leaving this planet represents a change in Tau's life where his past self as Bedouin #2,222,519 dies to allow for a new life as Commando #166,182 in space. We get to see the transition from a slightly parochial world to the glamour and grunge of a slightly higher class life in space ships.
Excerpt: "Every day the passing horse milk traders scold Kōrako and her brother Rau for perpetuating such a bad omen."
[/reducio]
System 19B
TL;DR: Development level 1 agricultural world of size 16: penal colony.
Story function: Yes, 19B and its Red Heaven provide a setting for Tau's and Raa's undoing by Huka. This works symbolically because Raa and Tau, as government figureheads, are undone by corruption and interactions with the criminal underworld here, in System 19B. More generally, 19B provides a glimpse into the complicity of government and criminal underworld, as well as giving the reader a better grasp of why and how those powers work together. It gives another example of how bleak the outlook is for what happens to those who do not conform to the rules and mechanics of Kiritau's society.
Excerpt: "Huka tips back another glass of Orteauan wine before boarding his craft en route to System 19B’s orbital station: Red Heaven.
The undeveloped agricultural penal colony known as System 19B has little of note on its surface. More interesting is why System 19B is such a backwater world in the first place. Denser than any other 'habitable' planet of its large size class, 19B suffers from high gravity that makes escaping the planet’s surface costly and difficult. Only powerful ships can actually escape 19B’s gravitational well, and the small prison population subsisting on its surface is forever locked in an energetically costly battle against immortal gravity. Naturally, dwellers of 19B commonly mistake their fate as being damned to hell when they are, for the most part, in a state of limbo. Indeed, to extract any prisoner from the surface of System 19B simply required the correct price to be paid.
Corrupt as Raa was, of course she would stop on her path west at the one permanent structure associated with this backwater system– Kiritau’s dankest smuggler’s den, known simply as 'Red Heaven.' A space station in synchronous orbit with the lower world’s primary communication tower, Red Heaven originated as a staging area for one-way trips to 20B’s surface. With time Kiritau’s crime lords had increasingly used the prison world for government-backed black ops, transforming Red Heaven into a powerful hub where influential aristocrats and criminals of every stripe could meet for business. With Tuakeo’s newly-expanded fleet burning out of system 16B towards 4th Empire territory to the west, Empress Raa’s fleet would certainly be headed west after its confrontation with Topia near System 20B. If Kiritau’s armada was to be worth a damn in the defense of its worlds, Raa would have to tail Tuakeo’s ever-burgeoning fleet as it traversed native Kiritauan space. The inevitable next step was refueling at Red Heaven."
1,263 words
Last edited by Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood on 25 Dec 2020, 20:24, edited 34 times in total.
The Forgotten Veil
2. Main character
Reducio
Tau in a nutshell: LINK
This story is about how Tau screws up a lot and it ends up being just what Raa and Kiritau needs. Probably. I don't know, did you like the dystopia better how it was?
Tau's fate is to learn a deeper meaning of loyalty. He follows these tropes:
The Unchosen One
Badass Unintentional
Spanner in the Works
Tau is the Unchosen One in that he defies his society's values and not in a heroic way. He ends up being very useful to Kiritau because he is a Spanner in the Works, not because he is a genius at playing the system by its own rules, nor is he simply smarter. The point of Tau is not to celebrate egoism. The point is to see the value of a diversity of weirdo viewpoints existing in a system. Sometimes the viewpoint that is needed is not even good. Sometimes an irrational, stupid emotion is the sword that will cut away the tangled morass of problems made by reason.
Tau doesn't see the rules as rules, which is what makes his brand of loyalty so weird. Tau's loyalty is weird because even if he is kind of screwed up, Tau is dedicated. He will in fact become a potato king. He is obsessive about something that most people do not find worthy of obsession. The beautiful potato king way that Tau works is something that should help redeem Tau in the eyes of the reader despite his betrayals.
Tau did not even intend to advance into the higher echelons of society, but because of his backwards devotion to Kiritau he ends up becoming a badass unintentionally. Because he is fundamentally a giving and "loyal" person he might be likeable, but he just does not listen to how he is supposed to do that. That is, he is always trying to serve Raa and the greater good, but he is quite strange in his interpretation of what that serving should best look like. While he acts like normal rules do not apply to him, his own Tau rules are religiously observed. Perhaps one of the reasons he likes Raa so much is that she never wanted to change him despite being the one in the best position to do so. The irony is that for someone who is constantly failing to become what others want him to become, in the end he gains the power to determine what others can become. What will he do with such power when he gains it?
As a man who struggles against dissolving into a machine over the course of the plot, Tau needs to figure out if he actually respects Raa's/tradition's emotional suppression. This will strongly impact Raa's development as well, as she is at risk of emotional breakdown after an entire life of being constrained to reason for "the greater good."
The author's job in this novel is to make the reader feel like they should sympathize with or forgive Tau for being such a traitor.
Character Arc Summary:
Tau starts off as one of many millions of lower class citizens in the emirate of Kiritau. He begins without a name and only a designation, Bedouin #2,222,519 [a name so forgettable that the author has to copy-paste it.] Through his emotionally uncontrolled mistakes he ends up being reassigned to the military after the government fakes his death. This man becomes sniper-reconaissance commando #166,182 and continues to make a lot of emotional outbursts and mistakes more generally. Society continues to have a big problem with his behavior. However, due to his Potato King behavior he ends up reassigned to the Uri trials. After undergoing 7 years of pure hell, constantly screwing up, and getting blown all to hell as candidate "Aitanga 55," due to his loyalty and other qualities he gets chosen as Aitanga Uri. He eventually becomes such a favorite that he gains the title of sheikh.
Well hmm, why should this man keep getting promoted after so much screwing up and being constantly shunned by people around him? When everyone is trying to change him, why should he now be so honored? Naturally, this goes to his head a bit. You could say he begins to think he is hot shit, and in some ways he kind of is, despite having been an unintentional badass until now that has mostly succeeded accidentally by being a spanner in the works. Well, the other aitanga don't appreciate his newfound arrogance and so begins the descendant war.
Ultimately this guy does pay a considerable price in fighting the descendant war, and after finding out what Tau did, Raa punishes him by relegating him to the Senate and running off with Emps "for the good of the nation." Of course political marriages are the best option when lashing out. Of course it was the only logical thing to do. Who could question Raa's perfect machine logic?
Well, what else could Tau do in this situation but continue to do what he always did-- try to serve Raa as best as he could despite being completely left in radio silence after the dissolution of the senate-- and then make a bunch of emotional, dumb decisions. Raa ends up forgiving him this time and he becomes Maitihia e te Raa (chosen). Hell, he even gets a name of his own (Tau) (but does it make him happy at last?) By this point he and Raa are getting pretty messed up in the head with the imperial Civil War and everything else. So Tau ends up doing what he always does-- makes more mistakes.
Tau makes a dirty deal with Huka and basically ignites the Kiritauan Civil War on accident. Great job, Tau. He also ends up completely screwing over Raa, and it will be harder for her to forgive him for this. I mean... she is in this love triangle with the nation itself. Perhaps this was subconsciously genius on Tau's part. Ha. Yet, he is about to be completely humbled and shown that he has really just been succeeding on a foundation made of failures.
Anyway, the story enters its climax as the civil wars become resolved and Tau becomes the most powerful man in the emirate, obtaining the power to determine the identities of others... but at what cost? Was this what he had wanted? Long story short, Tau breaks, Raa breaks, and everything gets very sad. Tau becomes machine-like while Raa blows up emotionally. The worlds are wracked by the devastation of war, including 4B.
Uh, somehow the author has to redeem Tau from that point on. Right now it looks pretty bad though. By the end of the book hopefully people will have forgiven Tau. What did he learn about loyalty? What was the value of emotion to the greater good? What did Tau decide about his new power?
Sheikh Tau
"The higher he rises, the lower he falls." --Alexander
Tau in a nutshell: LINK
This story is about how Tau screws up a lot and it ends up being just what Raa and Kiritau needs. Probably. I don't know, did you like the dystopia better how it was?
Tau's fate is to learn a deeper meaning of loyalty. He follows these tropes:
The Unchosen One
Badass Unintentional
Spanner in the Works
Tau is the Unchosen One in that he defies his society's values and not in a heroic way. He ends up being very useful to Kiritau because he is a Spanner in the Works, not because he is a genius at playing the system by its own rules, nor is he simply smarter. The point of Tau is not to celebrate egoism. The point is to see the value of a diversity of weirdo viewpoints existing in a system. Sometimes the viewpoint that is needed is not even good. Sometimes an irrational, stupid emotion is the sword that will cut away the tangled morass of problems made by reason.
Tau doesn't see the rules as rules, which is what makes his brand of loyalty so weird. Tau's loyalty is weird because even if he is kind of screwed up, Tau is dedicated. He will in fact become a potato king. He is obsessive about something that most people do not find worthy of obsession. The beautiful potato king way that Tau works is something that should help redeem Tau in the eyes of the reader despite his betrayals.
Tau did not even intend to advance into the higher echelons of society, but because of his backwards devotion to Kiritau he ends up becoming a badass unintentionally. Because he is fundamentally a giving and "loyal" person he might be likeable, but he just does not listen to how he is supposed to do that. That is, he is always trying to serve Raa and the greater good, but he is quite strange in his interpretation of what that serving should best look like. While he acts like normal rules do not apply to him, his own Tau rules are religiously observed. Perhaps one of the reasons he likes Raa so much is that she never wanted to change him despite being the one in the best position to do so. The irony is that for someone who is constantly failing to become what others want him to become, in the end he gains the power to determine what others can become. What will he do with such power when he gains it?
As a man who struggles against dissolving into a machine over the course of the plot, Tau needs to figure out if he actually respects Raa's/tradition's emotional suppression. This will strongly impact Raa's development as well, as she is at risk of emotional breakdown after an entire life of being constrained to reason for "the greater good."
The author's job in this novel is to make the reader feel like they should sympathize with or forgive Tau for being such a traitor.
Character Arc Summary:
Tau starts off as one of many millions of lower class citizens in the emirate of Kiritau. He begins without a name and only a designation, Bedouin #2,222,519 [a name so forgettable that the author has to copy-paste it.] Through his emotionally uncontrolled mistakes he ends up being reassigned to the military after the government fakes his death. This man becomes sniper-reconaissance commando #166,182 and continues to make a lot of emotional outbursts and mistakes more generally. Society continues to have a big problem with his behavior. However, due to his Potato King behavior he ends up reassigned to the Uri trials. After undergoing 7 years of pure hell, constantly screwing up, and getting blown all to hell as candidate "Aitanga 55," due to his loyalty and other qualities he gets chosen as Aitanga Uri. He eventually becomes such a favorite that he gains the title of sheikh.
Well hmm, why should this man keep getting promoted after so much screwing up and being constantly shunned by people around him? When everyone is trying to change him, why should he now be so honored? Naturally, this goes to his head a bit. You could say he begins to think he is hot shit, and in some ways he kind of is, despite having been an unintentional badass until now that has mostly succeeded accidentally by being a spanner in the works. Well, the other aitanga don't appreciate his newfound arrogance and so begins the descendant war.
Ultimately this guy does pay a considerable price in fighting the descendant war, and after finding out what Tau did, Raa punishes him by relegating him to the Senate and running off with Emps "for the good of the nation." Of course political marriages are the best option when lashing out. Of course it was the only logical thing to do. Who could question Raa's perfect machine logic?
Well, what else could Tau do in this situation but continue to do what he always did-- try to serve Raa as best as he could despite being completely left in radio silence after the dissolution of the senate-- and then make a bunch of emotional, dumb decisions. Raa ends up forgiving him this time and he becomes Maitihia e te Raa (chosen). Hell, he even gets a name of his own (Tau) (but does it make him happy at last?) By this point he and Raa are getting pretty messed up in the head with the imperial Civil War and everything else. So Tau ends up doing what he always does-- makes more mistakes.
Tau makes a dirty deal with Huka and basically ignites the Kiritauan Civil War on accident. Great job, Tau. He also ends up completely screwing over Raa, and it will be harder for her to forgive him for this. I mean... she is in this love triangle with the nation itself. Perhaps this was subconsciously genius on Tau's part. Ha. Yet, he is about to be completely humbled and shown that he has really just been succeeding on a foundation made of failures.
Anyway, the story enters its climax as the civil wars become resolved and Tau becomes the most powerful man in the emirate, obtaining the power to determine the identities of others... but at what cost? Was this what he had wanted? Long story short, Tau breaks, Raa breaks, and everything gets very sad. Tau becomes machine-like while Raa blows up emotionally. The worlds are wracked by the devastation of war, including 4B.
Uh, somehow the author has to redeem Tau from that point on. Right now it looks pretty bad though. By the end of the book hopefully people will have forgiven Tau. What did he learn about loyalty? What was the value of emotion to the greater good? What did Tau decide about his new power?
1,166 words
Last edited by Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood on 25 Dec 2020, 20:23, edited 37 times in total.
The Forgotten Veil
3. Main plot
Reducio
Summary: A nameless commoner who starts out as a tool of a dystopian society, forbidden a personal identity, becomes the most influential man in the emirate and gains a name and the ability to dictate the identities of others– but can he distinguish his personal wishes and emotions from the true greater good?
Middle –
End –
Intro –Kiritau TimelineReducio10,296 - Harare Kekeno born (dies at age 73)
10,329 - Tau born and allocated a bedouin life, years later learns about a fabled aristocracy that has personal names
10,350 - Tau gets reassigned to ranged reconnaissance commando
10,355 - Tau elevated to Aitanga, is thrown suddenly into uri trials
10,362 - Tau gets blown up and becomes Aitanga Uri (the first)
10,363 - Tau’s first child is born
10,365 - Tau’s next 3 children are born
10,366 - Tau’s eldest child dies; Tau’s descendant war begins
10,367 - Raa discovers the descendant war, Tau is relegated to the Senate
10,368 - Senate blows up, Tau spends a year serving Raa’s interests despite no orders, Raa weds Emps, Kanoa Rama’s bloodletting, Tau becomes Maitihia e te Raa, Raa shown devolving during prisoner practice
10,369 - Taurangi born, Tau confronts the 7 remaining aitanga uri, Invasion of Kiritau begins, Topia battle over 20B, Tau makes dirty deal with Huka, Raa is mad that loyalist support was never to be there from the beginning. Must do what is best for Kiritau anyway. Harare Kekeno dies. Huka sets Raa and Tau up the bomb. Kiritau’s civil war officially begins; 3B and 5B are taken, 4B rapidly submits
-story's turning point-
10,370 - Well, there's a civil war on both locally and galactically. Someone should probably deal with that. What secrets lie beneath those containment suits anyway? It is time for a big reveal of government secrets and the truth about the descendant war. The Kaitangata and the Kaihaumi should reach the apex of their use.
10,371 - Kiritau's civil war wraps up and the story begins to conclude.
10,378 - Prologue/Epilogue on 4B
Reducio
Raa should be introduced early, high above Tau. Impressive even. Drop a little grain about Huka here too. Tau begins, conditioned into self-sacrificing mechanistic anti-individualistic behavior. Aberrant emotions are suppressed, but he is weaker than everyone else. Gives into his feelings more. He is shamed by others for this. This weakness causes him to act individualistically, curiously when he is not supposed to be curious, which ends up contributing new ideas to the system. Even though he is constantly "weak," making mistakes, and giving into his emotions, the system finds he can be more beneficial by elevating his power so that his new insights will help with military dominance. However, his new ideas also question the very foundation of what the military is doing, which is supposed to be establishing order by discouraging individuality. Everyone around Tau sees his promotion as a punishment.
Middle –
Reducio
Tau meets Raa again, who is the ideal of the Kiritauan machine person. She is so efficient, emotionally controlled, and in command. Yet, under the surface Raa is not a machine. She has been learning the truth of the emirate’s construction and how the rulers are suppressing mass identity in order to benefit themselves. She questions whether or not this is really what is best for the people, but is so stuck in her culture that she still enshrines efficiency and machine-like living. Yet, Tau and Raa find love in each other. Spoiler: this is about to get dysfunctional. Raa is increasingly at risk of corruption from reading Tau and his influence more generally. That is, Tau is in a position of great power in the emirate if he can emotionally control her. Thus Raa won’t allow herself share to herself with him because she a) does not want to corrupt him and b) has duties to Kiritau. Over the course of her struggle, Raa tries to shut Tau out emotionally. Tau gets emotionally @$#%ed by the descendant war and ends up betraying Raa’s interests by convincing himself that it is in her best interest. However he is lying to himself because he is corrupted by his power, wanting so badly to have his will enacted rather than being a simple tool of Raa.
Tau is punished for his betrayal and despite Raa’s apparent abandonment he still tries to serve her cause in obscurity. As it happens, Raa needs Tau too much to not forgive him. You could try to rationalize this because by now Tau has become one of the most powerful people in the emirate, but really it's really just an emotional need, which is "not a thing" in Kiritau. So Tau gets a name and affirmation of himself as a person, but what does it mean anymore?
Ultimately his betrayals enable Tau to make Raa question if she is not corrupting her understanding of the greater good of Kiritau with her own selfish wishes. This rings true with Raa’s pre-existing struggles and she comes to allow herself this corrupting influence from Tau, as she had previously been struggling with this conclusion in a different way. That is, as a ruler Raa defies tradition more and more with time and she seems to be enabling dangerous powers within Kiritau via the criminal underworld, which is the only bastion for fetishizing individuality. Raa herself has developed a fascination for the strength of diversifying the nation, thereby pitting herself against the primary objective of her forefathers’ tradition. However just as Raa is on the verge of having some kind of epiphany on how to better serve Kiritau through it embracing individualism, Raa is burned by having trusted people who have corrupt motives [glares at Tau and Huka.]
The civil war begins as Raa is betrayed by her generals and Huka, who actually only have selfish interests at heart. Tau makes a dirty deal with Huka and gets him and Raa captured due to Tau's wish for the power to see and share in Raa’s thoughts as she has always had done with his. Frankly, he wants equality with Raa. Raa becomes betrayed by his selfish need and sees that he is not loyal. She @#$^s him up. He @#$^s her up. Huka's greasy drive has become outdated by the time Tau meets him again, so Tau has to sacrifice a lot of himself to end the bastard. In short, Tau almost completely loses the descendant war to Huka, who is not even a real participant, but Huka eventually dies such that the reader can feel some satisfaction. You get to see Tau expending his wrath at full power. Then Tau becomes new sovereign and now he has all the power... but he is nothing. He is no one. What good is the name he struggled so much to have? He is empty of everything, even wrath. The emotional man loses emotion and becomes a machine.
Tau is punished for his betrayal and despite Raa’s apparent abandonment he still tries to serve her cause in obscurity. As it happens, Raa needs Tau too much to not forgive him. You could try to rationalize this because by now Tau has become one of the most powerful people in the emirate, but really it's really just an emotional need, which is "not a thing" in Kiritau. So Tau gets a name and affirmation of himself as a person, but what does it mean anymore?
Ultimately his betrayals enable Tau to make Raa question if she is not corrupting her understanding of the greater good of Kiritau with her own selfish wishes. This rings true with Raa’s pre-existing struggles and she comes to allow herself this corrupting influence from Tau, as she had previously been struggling with this conclusion in a different way. That is, as a ruler Raa defies tradition more and more with time and she seems to be enabling dangerous powers within Kiritau via the criminal underworld, which is the only bastion for fetishizing individuality. Raa herself has developed a fascination for the strength of diversifying the nation, thereby pitting herself against the primary objective of her forefathers’ tradition. However just as Raa is on the verge of having some kind of epiphany on how to better serve Kiritau through it embracing individualism, Raa is burned by having trusted people who have corrupt motives [glares at Tau and Huka.]
The civil war begins as Raa is betrayed by her generals and Huka, who actually only have selfish interests at heart. Tau makes a dirty deal with Huka and gets him and Raa captured due to Tau's wish for the power to see and share in Raa’s thoughts as she has always had done with his. Frankly, he wants equality with Raa. Raa becomes betrayed by his selfish need and sees that he is not loyal. She @#$^s him up. He @#$^s her up. Huka's greasy drive has become outdated by the time Tau meets him again, so Tau has to sacrifice a lot of himself to end the bastard. In short, Tau almost completely loses the descendant war to Huka, who is not even a real participant, but Huka eventually dies such that the reader can feel some satisfaction. You get to see Tau expending his wrath at full power. Then Tau becomes new sovereign and now he has all the power... but he is nothing. He is no one. What good is the name he struggled so much to have? He is empty of everything, even wrath. The emotional man loses emotion and becomes a machine.
End –
Reducio
Tau finds redemption. He wants the best for Taurangi and he confronts his mortality. It is partly him, partly Raa, partly this new creature. He must learn to give to Kiritau and the child by finding some way to unity. He must find emotion and love again. He must learn loyalty again because his idea of the greater good was not everything. There are such greater things than him out there, who has become nothing. Tau finds redemption... somehow. He will walk the surface 4B, but is he alone? What does he find?
1,235 words
Last edited by Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood on 4 Nov 2020, 08:59, edited 30 times in total.
The Forgotten Veil
4. Two subplots
Love & War
Love & War
Reducio
The Descendants [romantic subplot]
It starts with a basic love triangle.
What do they want?
Raa: Raa wants to serve Kiritau's best interest, wants to be with Tau, wants the mathematically ideal descendant outcome (at first, but this changes somewhat), wants to feel and express her emotions (at least with Tau).
Tau: Wants to serve Raa's best interest, wants to be with Raa, wants a different descendant outcome than Raa does, wants equality with Raa, wants power and to be an individual that is not just a tool (symbolized by having a name.) [... so is Raa just a tool, like she tries so hard to be despite being the ruler?] Tau might tell you he wants the greater good for Kiritau, but honestly he mostly wants what is in Raa's best interest (which happens to include her desire for Kiritau's best interest.) Tau wants to not have to change for other people. Well, sorry, this is a novel and you're the main character, so I'm going to have you change for me, your readers, (and your own sake, you lout.)
People of Kiritau: They want what their author tells them to want. Err.... They are many people and so some of them want to support Raa unconditionally (as they were trained), while others want to revolt and claim individualism. Most of them want to not get blown up.
Story Function: Tau's character arc involves him having to figure out that his vision of "the greater good" is based on a universe seen through a forgotten veil, his own biased wishes. Even after he had abandoned his traditional face covering in the ship above Kaumai, even after Tau thought himself a different man, he continued to not acknowledge the veil of bias that would lead to the ruin of Kiritau, Raa, and himself. What does Tau see when he finally gains the power of Unraveller's Sight? I think he will see that even Raa struggles with this forgotten veil, and he will see it on himself. On the bright side, he will get his wish of seeing Raa for who she truly is. He will get his equality, but at this climax of their emotional devastation they are two ships heading in opposite directions, Raa headed for humanity and Tau headed towards becoming a machine. The question the audience could be asking is if they will meet in the middle or pass each other. In the story's climax they pass each other, but in the conclusion do they turn around and meet again?
Emirate Civil War (a.k.a. "Huka happy fun time")
(It's Huka's world and we're just living in it.)
The conflict of the Kiritauan people is the same as in Tau and Raa. It's just painted a different way. They all have to struggle with the conflict between duty and personal wishes. It just so happens that, like Raa, most Kiritauans are quite emotionally and personally suppressed. For Raa to explode after having bottled up her feelings for her whole life should surprise no one, so why would the people of the emirate not blow up too if given a sufficient spark? They may be Kiritauans but they're still human. Ultimately the dystopia of Kiritau comes apart in the Civil War and the reader is asked to figure out what it should look like in the future.
Tau is suitable as the main character in part because he represents what Kiritau and Raa want but are not allowed: failure, emotion, inefficiency, humanity. For the reader to forgive Tau is to forgive someone for their human flaws. [Exposed! The author is trying to gain forgiveness by writing this novel.]
While the first half of the book is about how Tau becomes very powerful by having made a series of extremely useful failures, the civil wars are his comeuppance. His failures start to catch up with him and he pays a heavy price for being so emotional. For most of the book he keeps making it out alive by exchanging more and more of himself for machinery, but in the end he ends up without much left to give. His lucky plot armor has been been expended bit by bit and now he has none remaining. The last thing the man has to give up is his heart and he becomes basically a machine. This transformation does save his life, so there's that. Morally he has fallen so far due to his forgotten veil that he ends up inverting as a character. Now he will finally be like Raa. He ends up throwing away the emotions that had both built him up so high as well as failed him so hard. Now he would be a theoretically more perfect machine ruler than even Raa, and he becomes sovereign and wields the same mystical power. This is to say, Tau will win the civil war and the battles will show how his efficiency and cold strategies are unstoppable. No matter how brutal, no one would be able to call him ineffective. He will become what society tried so long to turn him into and the people of Kiritau will either submit to his command or perish in the way they taught him was best. Through the civil war, Tau will use his new powers and create a new outcome for the reader to consider (beginning with frightening totalitarianism).
Though Tau starts this out emotionless, he becomes redeemed after seeing the outcome of the mathematically "ideal" solutions for society. Tau regains his emotional veil and decides his perspective is insufficient and that peoples' individual perspectives should collectively dictate the future of Kiritau (i.e. direct democracy, mostly.) He decides to reveal the government's secrets.
Ultimately the end of the civil war should give the reader an opportunity to resolve the thought experiment of Kiritau: what is in the best interest of the emirate? How should that society be, ideally?
Options:
- Traditional Popoiangore/Harare-type loyalists ("an all-knowing government knows best and will engineer a better society than people would be able to do individually")
- Huka's aristocracy reigns supreme ("empower the oligarchy to fill your own pockets and keep the plebs in the dark")
- Raa ("secretly undermine traditionalists because a diverse nation is stronger and more resilient")
- Tau ("Phase 1: free the people unto individualism-- but if they oppose me they die;" "Phase 2: let's figure this out together-- I will try to not kill you")
- Taurangi (reader decides)
It starts with a basic love triangle.
What do they want?
Raa: Raa wants to serve Kiritau's best interest, wants to be with Tau, wants the mathematically ideal descendant outcome (at first, but this changes somewhat), wants to feel and express her emotions (at least with Tau).
Tau: Wants to serve Raa's best interest, wants to be with Raa, wants a different descendant outcome than Raa does, wants equality with Raa, wants power and to be an individual that is not just a tool (symbolized by having a name.) [... so is Raa just a tool, like she tries so hard to be despite being the ruler?] Tau might tell you he wants the greater good for Kiritau, but honestly he mostly wants what is in Raa's best interest (which happens to include her desire for Kiritau's best interest.) Tau wants to not have to change for other people. Well, sorry, this is a novel and you're the main character, so I'm going to have you change for me, your readers, (and your own sake, you lout.)
People of Kiritau: They want what their author tells them to want. Err.... They are many people and so some of them want to support Raa unconditionally (as they were trained), while others want to revolt and claim individualism. Most of them want to not get blown up.
Story Function: Tau's character arc involves him having to figure out that his vision of "the greater good" is based on a universe seen through a forgotten veil, his own biased wishes. Even after he had abandoned his traditional face covering in the ship above Kaumai, even after Tau thought himself a different man, he continued to not acknowledge the veil of bias that would lead to the ruin of Kiritau, Raa, and himself. What does Tau see when he finally gains the power of Unraveller's Sight? I think he will see that even Raa struggles with this forgotten veil, and he will see it on himself. On the bright side, he will get his wish of seeing Raa for who she truly is. He will get his equality, but at this climax of their emotional devastation they are two ships heading in opposite directions, Raa headed for humanity and Tau headed towards becoming a machine. The question the audience could be asking is if they will meet in the middle or pass each other. In the story's climax they pass each other, but in the conclusion do they turn around and meet again?
Emirate Civil War (a.k.a. "Huka happy fun time")
(It's Huka's world and we're just living in it.)
The conflict of the Kiritauan people is the same as in Tau and Raa. It's just painted a different way. They all have to struggle with the conflict between duty and personal wishes. It just so happens that, like Raa, most Kiritauans are quite emotionally and personally suppressed. For Raa to explode after having bottled up her feelings for her whole life should surprise no one, so why would the people of the emirate not blow up too if given a sufficient spark? They may be Kiritauans but they're still human. Ultimately the dystopia of Kiritau comes apart in the Civil War and the reader is asked to figure out what it should look like in the future.
Tau is suitable as the main character in part because he represents what Kiritau and Raa want but are not allowed: failure, emotion, inefficiency, humanity. For the reader to forgive Tau is to forgive someone for their human flaws. [Exposed! The author is trying to gain forgiveness by writing this novel.]
While the first half of the book is about how Tau becomes very powerful by having made a series of extremely useful failures, the civil wars are his comeuppance. His failures start to catch up with him and he pays a heavy price for being so emotional. For most of the book he keeps making it out alive by exchanging more and more of himself for machinery, but in the end he ends up without much left to give. His lucky plot armor has been been expended bit by bit and now he has none remaining. The last thing the man has to give up is his heart and he becomes basically a machine. This transformation does save his life, so there's that. Morally he has fallen so far due to his forgotten veil that he ends up inverting as a character. Now he will finally be like Raa. He ends up throwing away the emotions that had both built him up so high as well as failed him so hard. Now he would be a theoretically more perfect machine ruler than even Raa, and he becomes sovereign and wields the same mystical power. This is to say, Tau will win the civil war and the battles will show how his efficiency and cold strategies are unstoppable. No matter how brutal, no one would be able to call him ineffective. He will become what society tried so long to turn him into and the people of Kiritau will either submit to his command or perish in the way they taught him was best. Through the civil war, Tau will use his new powers and create a new outcome for the reader to consider (beginning with frightening totalitarianism).
Though Tau starts this out emotionless, he becomes redeemed after seeing the outcome of the mathematically "ideal" solutions for society. Tau regains his emotional veil and decides his perspective is insufficient and that peoples' individual perspectives should collectively dictate the future of Kiritau (i.e. direct democracy, mostly.) He decides to reveal the government's secrets.
Ultimately the end of the civil war should give the reader an opportunity to resolve the thought experiment of Kiritau: what is in the best interest of the emirate? How should that society be, ideally?
Options:
- Traditional Popoiangore/Harare-type loyalists ("an all-knowing government knows best and will engineer a better society than people would be able to do individually")
- Huka's aristocracy reigns supreme ("empower the oligarchy to fill your own pockets and keep the plebs in the dark")
- Raa ("secretly undermine traditionalists because a diverse nation is stronger and more resilient")
- Tau ("Phase 1: free the people unto individualism-- but if they oppose me they die;" "Phase 2: let's figure this out together-- I will try to not kill you")
- Taurangi (reader decides)
1,086 words
Last edited by Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood on 7 Oct 2020, 06:27, edited 34 times in total.
The Forgotten Veil
5. Three secondary characters
Sovereign Auraki Raa,
Reducio
TL;DR: A ruler who embodies the apex of emotional control must confront the societal price of its powerful, draconian government. Tau's foil, inverted mirror image, and love interest. Emir Raa [much to the dismay of the author] became Empress through marriage and grew ever more powerful due to her privileged position. However, like Tau, one has to ask if Raa's use of power really is aligned with the greater good that she wishes to provide to her beloved nation.
Relation to Tau: If Tau is a man who slowly becomes a machine, Raa is a machine-like person who slowly becomes human. Tau begins his story as a plebian in the service of the great emir, estranged from her as a person, but with his creative ideas and constant loyalty Tau elevates his social status to the rank of Aitanga Uri and eventually Maitihia e te Raa, the sovereign's chosen one. Over the course of his rise to power Tau becomes more and more privy to the sovereign's secrets while his vision of what is in Raa's and Kiritau's best interest becomes increasingly warped. After all, Tau is terrible at distinguishing feelings from reality. Conversely, Raa begins isolated in an aristocratic bubble which she breaks out of and into the seedy criminal underbelly and dirty, mundane proletarian struggles. At least, Raa was heading the opposite direction of Tau's until she had to go and get up-ended by becoming Empress. This made a speed bump on her way out of the aristocracy, but ultimately she really wanted to be where people had the greatest need-- and that was of course among the lower classes.
Story Function:Raa is Tau's counterpart in the romantic subplot known as the Descendant War. Somehow the author needs to make the reader and Raa forgive Tau for being such a traitor. Basically, it makes no rational sense that Raa should forgive Tau. However for Raa to complete her arc she needs to learn when to embrace emotion, which is the main means by which she will forgive Tau. I mean really, has even the author forgiven Tau yet? [Yes, I unconditionally love my characters.]
Rationally, should Raa be so hung up on Tau when society would require for her to stick with Emps, and he has betrayed her (twice)? By conventional logic, it would be pretty screwed up to not stick with Emps. This will be a huge thread in her emotional unravelling. Her love for Emps and her love for Tau are quite different. Love is not even supposed to be in the Kiritauan vocabulary.
While Raa helps provide the romance subplot, she is also important for a huge amount of structural functionality in the plot. Above all, Raa's dystopian style of governance provides the main foundation for the sci-fi thought experiment that is Kiritau. Both Raa and Tau have social mobility flowing in opposite directions, so together they allow the reader to examine Kiritau's situation across multiple social strata from both elite and the lower-class perspectives.
Thematic Question: Why should power be shared?
Backstory:
Caught between a high-society culture that fetishizes stable individuality and the practical need to adapt her personality to different political and military engagements, emir Auraki Raa must balance a set of multiple personalities against needing to appear as a singular individual. While no one in Kiritau can be known for sure to be wearing their original face, it is likely that the high-born Auraki Raa is indeed an unmodified female. That the sovereign Auraki Raa appears female only reinforces the fetish of how sublimely different she appears in the eyes of the faceless masses.
Auraki Raa inherited the position of sovereign of Kiritau as the scion of an emir bloodline regarded as both royal and holy by the masses. When Auraki first came into power at the age of 18, she held a very insular view of the sector and galactic events from within the cloister of high society and her father’s advisors. Though Auraki had killed her mother in the course of childbirth, Auraki’s father, Popoiangore, did not hold this against the child and announced publicly that it was fitting that the new would replace the old. With these words Popoiangore had paved a smooth entry for Auraki as new heir. The public remembered these words when, during a field campaign years later, Popoiangore contracted a parasite that left his mind trapped inside a body he could no longer control. Auraki’s imperial loyalist father had been a rugged emir that frequently led troops through the mud himself rather than entrusting his battles entirely to underlings, so Auraki publicly used an ancient ceremonial sword to behead her father herself.
Taking on one personality from her father, Auraki Raa travelled widely through the dirtiest parts of the empire to enlist new informants and so developed a more realistic grasp of galactic events and the state of the emirate’s underclass. Over the course of a decade, Raa explored the upper class’s complicity with a transgalactic criminal underbelly and their collective efforts to keep the Kiritau proletariat from developing individualistic tendencies. Such dark truths come at a dark price, however, and rather than become the “unsullied” political and military leader that was her birthright, Raa enriched her connections with the most effective and innovative criminals of the emirate. Pouring the next decade of her life into incorporating cutting edge criminal elements into the emirate’s military, Raa’s internal workings became a black box producing unpredictable results. Raa restrains her crime lord personality in the presence of the aristocracy, which she prefers to have remember her as Popoiangore’s holy child. Since Kiritau’s high society and criminal underworld fit hand in glove, it takes some doing for Raa to maintain an unblemished appearance, but after all these years she has become a fitting sovereign for an emirate writhing with secrets. Now at the age of 38, Raa conceals a complex of five distinct personalities as she sits at the center of a machine-like society that sucks in and selectively injects information on a galactic scale… but who could say what she really wants?
Huka Hūkerikeri, a foppish aristocrat that Raa has to frequently endureReducioTL;DR: Huka should never have been underestimated, nor trusted enough to prey upon Tau's greatest weakness. Yet, one has to wonder if the people of Kiritau would not be better off with him as a ruler (despite him only really caring about himself) instead of the idealistic dystopian dreams presented by Raa, Tau, and Raa's father Popoiangore.
Relation to Tau: Huka tricked Tau into giving him power over the emirate through the capture of Raa and the consequences that followed. A skilled manipulator and wielder of a formidable information network, Huka is not the de facto head of Kiritau's aristocracy for nothing.
Story Function: While Huka is yet another means for Tau to undo himself, Huka himself should be enjoyed in his own right as a colorful individual that deepens the thought experiment that is Kiritau governance. He also provides the primary means for the reader to learn about the emirate's aristocratic class, since Raa is not very representative of that and Tau even less so.
Thematic Question: Would the emirate be better ruled by someone who only has his own best interests at heart and knows it?
Excerpt:
“Maitihira e te Raa is invited to one of the private residences of Huka Hukerikeri just outside of the capital. He is greeted in a gazebo inside of the large garden complex. Inside of it, the image of Hukerikeri himself and two servants. The man himself is quite rotund, not obese but certainly doesn't actively exercise either. He himself is balding and the top of his head is now quite shiny. And what stands out the most is a slight scarring above the upper lip. Indicating a hare lip, a cosmetic flaw most would have removed. If they were not nobility that is. As Maitihira approaches Huka stands up of his chair and says. ‘Come friend, please sit down, we have much to discuss.’ Indicating to an exquisite wooden chair, nearly identical to his. Between them is a detailed table made of a combination of granite and marble. And in the middle of it a glass bowl, filled with small caramel-esque cubes (fudge).
…
‘Straight to the point as always. Though wouldn't you care for a piece of fudge ? It is a bit nouveau rich, but I suppose it is my guilty pleasure.’ After saying this Huka pops a piece in his mouth.
…
After Tau has left and the servants scanned the gazebo for any possible listening devices Huka would let out a very large yawn and his eyes would flutter. He would then quickly grab a piece of fudge from a new plate that had been delivered. Enjoying the after-taste of the anti-toxin in the fudge.”
[courtesy of Alexander]
Harare Kekeno, Raa’s oldest advisor, a loyalist, and a relic of her father’s classical ruling style.ReducioRelation to Tau: Harare should give the reader the impression that, when Tau enters the house of the emir, he is entering a new setting that is steeped in pride and tradition. Since Popoiangore is dead the entire novel, Harare takes up the role of a father figure for Raa so that the reader can feel the conflict in Kiritau's leadership between tradition and innovation.
Story Function: Old, traditionalist Harare gives context for how Raa's reign diverges from the emirate's past. At the beginning his clean, honorable, likeable persona should give the reader something of a false sense of security in the presence of the Kiritau government... as this sense of security will come unravelled as the secret motives of the ruling class come to light. Harare should also help the reader develop a sense of history for the place and show that Kiritau's ruling class also had its traditions. Harare was a stabilizing force for Raa since he was effectively family due to his closeness with her father. Thus, when Harare dies in the coup, there should be a sense of emotional instability and represent the revolution is occurring. Harare must show the values of the past in order for their overthrow to make sense. By making Harare a likeable character, the reader is more likely to feel upset at Huka and company for killing him, ideally making the reader want Tau to win. When he dies he is quite an old man and not physically strong, so that should help upset the reader. After Harare dies and Huka betrays her, Raa becomes quite alone in her own nation since all of her traditional advisors would have become inaccessible. The reader should feel that tradition has been cut away under their feet and that they are now on dangerous new territory, but that Raa was complicit in creating this frightening state due to her trying to break from tradition (and introducing (another) variety of corruption.) For Tau to then betray her (again) after these losses leaves her with very little social support, which will surely lead to her breakdown.
Thematic Question: Tradition comes from attempts to learn from the past, but how do you know when tradition has failed to serve its purpose?
Excerpt:
"A child is born in the imperial capital while an old man, Harare Kekeno, draws an ancient ceremonial sword above its mother. A natural birth was not Kiritau’s tradition, but it would keep this ritual. Reaching up to grasp the naked blade, Empress Raa drips blood onto the face of her newborn child and speaks its name: Kanoa Rama.
'Today’s blood to keep the past from killing the future,' chants Kekeno, cleaning the sword – the very same that Raa had used to behead her father."
Other characters
ReducioRaupeti Weri, often seen but never overheard
[A.k.a. Rau: the window onto the dark underbelly of Kiritau and Raa. Use this character to explain identity poaching, the criminal problems of Kiritau, the use of addictive substances to control the masses, and show how Raa has corrupted the emirate's government.]
Kōrako, Raupeti's sister and surrogate mother for Taurangi.
[Use this character to redeem Raupeti in the eyes of the reader and to show that there is some kind of pleasant life that exists in this twisted universe. We need to believe that there is some kind of nice existence that would be possible for Tau and Raa. Otherwise we lack the ability to imagine the greater good.]
Neke, a well-paid and loyal agitator
[Use this character to make the civil war make sense and progress. Use Neke to connect the reader with the proletarians and the problem of containment suits.]
Taurangi, A hidden 10 on System 20B
[Use this character to help build the vision of a pleasant life existing in this universe, but also to ask what this is all for. Are Tau's and Raa's actions just going to be thrown out by the new generation, the new face of "tradition" to be rebelled against? Taurangi gives the reader the opportunity to imagine what a different future for Kiritau will/should look like.]
The People of Kiritau, since a nation needs people in it if you will talk about its governance
[Use these folk in presenting the thought experiment that is Kiritau, before/during/after the civil wars, and have them get the reader to ask what the greater good would look like in the emirate.]
Oh, and...ReducioOkay, I guess there are 7 of these Aitanga Uri guys, too. But I didn't even give them names. They might get developed so that fight scene is more meaningful.
2,243 words
Last edited by Aida Mòrsgor-Ama Ellwood on 7 Oct 2020, 06:57, edited 1 time in total.
The Forgotten Veil
6. Known scenes
Reducio
Introduction:
- Bedouin Tau first meets Raa, learns about fabled aristocrats who have names. Huka name drop. Intro to the Kaihaumi and basic concepts about Tau. Tau's first big screw-up.
- Tau's recon life... The public shaming begins
- Tau trials
- Fleeting moments of happiness with Raa; 4B is introducedMiddle:
- Tau's eldest child dies and descendant war begins
- Raa discovers the descendant war, Tau is relegated to the Senate
- How the Senate dissolved
- First "famous" sad ship window scene
- Tau spies on Kanoa's bloodletting, Raa's customs initiative, and other dealings while secretly trying to be helpful
- Chosen One sad window scene
- Raa's devolution in the penal ship
- Tau vs. 7 aitanga uri fight scene
- Tau hears about the spaced crusaders
- Tau and Huka's dirty deal
- Tau sets himself and Raa up the bomb
- Tau learns 3B and 5B are taken and that 4B rapidly submitted
- Tau tries to inform Raa about the tainted fuel world but [Influence: fail]
- Tau tries to deal with the civil war
- Tau vs. Huka showdown
- What secrets lie beneath those containment suits anyway? It is time for a big reveal of government secrets and the truth about the descendant warConclusion:
- Redemption?
- Epilogue on 4B