Sans Confidence Finished

@Illowy Magnard

A new school year meant new possibilities. She had new classes, a new companion in the form of her pet rat, Sherlock, and a new focus. Gone were the days she could just research whatever interested her in the library and believe she had nothing to worry about beyond doing well on her schoolwork and making a few friends. Now she had to worry about simply surviving the year, solving the mystery Hogwarts had found itself in, and finding a cure to the curse running through her own veins. But she had more spells at her disposal and more connections than ever before, so maybe things would turn for the better. She had to believe that, right?

The Great Hall was buzzing with energy, the chatter of students from all four houses filling the room as they ate their evening meal. The noise used to overwhelm her, but she was used to it by now. In fact, she'd found she could maintain a conversation with the people next to her just fine, and was currently discussing the Slytherin Quidditch team's prospects of success this year with another member of her house [NPC]. Perhaps she was still quiet and far from the best in social situations, but talking about Quidditch was easy for her. Serena Towers had stepped down from her first-string Seeker position, and since she had been a huge reason for Hufflepuff's success last season, perhaps it would be the green team's turn to dominate.

They'd just reached a break in their discussion, the two of them taking a moment to actually eat their food, when Bridget heard something that instantly drew in her attention. The snake with the black scars on her face. Her head snapped up from her plate, following the direction of the voices. Her eyes narrowed; the black veins meant the curse, and the curse meant the affected Slytherins, herself included. And while many of them had been affected that night, only a few of them had the curse progress far enough to reach their face. Illowy, her friend, was one of them, and she'd turned bright red and was now hurrying out of the Great Hall.

Her normally placid expression, purposely kept indifferent, hardened. Bridget was mad. It wasn't fair. Wasn't fair that they'd been cursed. Wasn't fair that there was no cure for that curse and it had left them with black veins, inescapable pain, however much the Hospital Wing managed to numb it, and the weekly threat of death if they didn't get the Thick Golden Potion. The fact someone was probably gossiping about her friend would've already put them on her bad side, but the blatant reference to the curse Illowy couldn't completely hide even if she wanted to was even worse. Pair that with the fact she hadn't missed the change in Illowy's attire, the way she hadn't done everything in her power to cover up the black ichor today, and if she was a less logical person she might have hexed them right then and there. Bridget knew from experience the effect the scarring could have on your confidence, and whatever of that Illowy had mustered had already crumbled.

"Excuse me," she muttered to her fellow Quidditch enthusiast, standing up. At the last minute, she decided to take two buns along with her in a napkin; she didn't know how much Illowy had gotten to eat and didn't think she'd be coming back. Walking over to the offenders, she slammed her hand down on the table between them to get their attention. Her right hand, the one with the black scarring. A reminder that it could have just as easily been them. It worked, both of their heads turning to face her. They looked startled, and the angry glint in her eyes probably helped get across her point.

"You have a brain, don't you? Use it." Perhaps she should've asked them if they had hearts instead, but to the Slytherin, it was the same thing; considerateness was just thinking things through far enough to anticipate the effect of you actions and words on someone else. "If you're too cowardly to say something to someone's face, at least have the tact to talk about it when they're not around to overhear."

With one last icy glare, she removed her planted palm, fast-walking out the dining hall to catch up to Illowy. Especially if the other snake planned on going far, the longer she waited to follow her, the less likely she was to be able to find her. Emerging in the corridors outside the hall, she paused, unsure of which way to go. With Illowy nowhere in sight, she supposed she might as well just trust her gut. The brunette veered to the right, following it down to the next fork at a run. Looking both ways, she caught a glimpse of a dark brown ponytail as it turned another corner. She pursued, finally catching up with her friend.

Illowy's hair had been pulled out of its ponytail and her hands were tucked into her sleeves. Bridget sighed quietly; here she was again. She was no good at this whole comforting thing, but what could she do but try? "Don't listen to them. They're idiots." She was a bit surprised at herself with the second half of her statement, but she meant it. The thirteen-year-old wasn't one to label people as idiots, especially from a short interaction, but anyone so careless hardly deserved her respect. Besides, she didn't get into fights either, but she'd done that for Katrina when she'd been hurt. Maybe she was learning something about herself; for better or worse, she'd do just about anything for her friends.

Outfit | Hair

@Bridget Collins

Magnards do not cry.
Magnards do not make a scene.
Magnards do not accept pity.

Her mother's words echoed in her mind as she hurried through the halls aimlessly. She wasn't sure were she was going, just that she wanted to be away from so many eyes. Her first years at the school, it had been so easy to stay mostly under the radar, to go unnoticed and slip through the shadows without anyone even giving her a second glance. Now it felt like she always had eyes on her, and they passed a harsh judgment.

The girl wrapped an arm around herself, the other held close with her hand tucked against the side of her face, the ends of her sleeves balled tight in her fists as she kept her eyes down to let her loose hair face like a protective curtain. So enthralled in her thoughts, she didn't even hear the footsteps following her until she heard Bridget's voice speak up behind her.

"Don't listen to them. They're idiots."

Illowy sniffled, subtly trying to mop at her eyes before she dared face the other snake, "Of course they're idiots. But they're idiots that aren't wrong." she spoke, trying to keep her voice hard and fight its urge to crack. Illowy wasn't even sure what to say. She knew what people said, especially those still prejudice against Slytherins. The strange, pitying and curious glances that burned holes into her skin. The comments first years who couldn't know better would make about it; but just because they didn't know it was a sensitive topic to the afflicted, didn't make their comments about it hurt any less.

Just as well, she couldn't seem to get a moments peace from it. She was always hyper aware of herself now and of the need to try to cover herself up as much as she possibly could, the need to hide and the shame and insecurity she felt over knowing it was impossible to completely hide what had happened to her, "'m no' deaf, I can hear wha' people say. Every. Bloody. Day." she spoke, her Irish accent she usually tried to keep prim and proper thickening, "I get looked a'like 'm either disgustin' or like 'mma shatter if ye even breathe on me too hard. An'I can't even hide it. An'I try to ignore it, but I can't." she tried to explain, swallowing a lump in her throat.

"I jus'... 'm so tired of hurtin' so much, an' bein looked at like how they looked at me... I jus' want t'be normal again an' feel okay."

@Illowy Magnard

She was going to have to do a lot better than calling a few people idiots. She knew that going in, of course, but part of her still wished it was that easy. That this was a problem she could fix in one day. None of the things she faced anymore were that way, though, so she supposed she better get used to it. Bridget's first instinct was to solve the problem, not comfort the affected. Still, if she couldn't do the former, she was going to need to figure out the latter.

Where to even start? Probably with words. Nothing Illowy said was easily refutable. They were dealing in opinions, in feelings, and that meant that even if Bridget thought those people were wrong, it wouldn't matter because Illowy felt otherwise. She wished she could tell her that this wouldn't last forever, that she just had to hold out a little longer and then everything would go back to normal, but she couldn't promise that. Bridget had been looking for months and was no closer to discovering a cure or even just identifying what the curse was, and if the Professors had found anything, they hadn't told them. If anything, Illowy would need to figure out how to live with the curse, with the stares, because there was no telling if the black ichor in their veins would ever go away.

But that was far from what Illowy needed to hear. "Not everyone looks at you like that. I don't. Neither do the people that have actually taken the time to understand." It wasn't going to be good enough, but it was a start. So... what now? Illowy would probably argue against her claim. She knew how this went, and she knew if it went that way Illowy would leave just as insecure. But what if she distracted her? If Bridget could get Illowy's mind off the bad things, perhaps she could make things a little better.

The Slytherin sat down. They were in the middle of the corridor on a probably dirty floor, but at least no one else was around. It was quiet this far away from everyone. Unfolding the napkin she'd tucked two buns into before coming after Illowy, she offered one to her friend. Gesturing for Illowy to sit, she took a bite of what would end up being the majority of her dinner. She sat in silence, listening to Illowy if she wanted to talk or simply eating her food. At the very least she'd bought herself some time to think, because she had something to say. Meeting Illowy's pale blue eyes with her brown ones, she said, "You're not the girl with black scars on her face, you know. You're the girl who was strong enough to survive eight spider bites."

@Bridget Collins

"Not everyone looks at you like that. I don't. Neither do the people that have actually taken the time to understand."

Illowy's shoulder's fell a little as Bridget spoke. Of course Bridget wouldn't look at her like that, she understood. Neither would Ruby or Ky, nor any of the older students in Slytherin who'd witnessed that night. Those people she could bare to be around and feel almost normal around. During the summer with their tent mates, she didn't have to feel like she needed to hide either, which had been a relaxing change of pace... but she wasn't hiding at summer camp anymore. This was the real world again.

The snake had read every book she could think of that might've held some kind of answer. At this point she'd have done anything for an answer, even a bad answer. Just something to give her an idea of what are happening, or going to happen. Was this routine of slapping a bandaid on their condition via the thick golden potion going to have to be for forever? Or would it eventually kill everyone affected? If there was a cure, would the scars still be there? Even if that answer was yes, at least that was an answer. It was much easier to start accepting something as part of you when you knew you didn't have a choice but to deal with it for the rest of your life. Right now though... there were just too many unknowns for Illowy to even know where to start accepting this kind of fate.

Pale eyes lifted to Bridget as the girl sat down on the floor, starting to unfold a napkin in her lap with a couple of buns from dinner before offering one. The shaken snake stole a quick glance back down the corridor, as though making sure there wasn't another soul around before she followed her friend's lead and sat down with her. Gratefully, she accepted the offered roll and nibbled at it a little until the other snake piped up once more. Illowy simple shrugged.

"I didn't do anything brave. I was just stupid enough to stand next to the door and not be quick enough to help fight off those... things. And nearly got myself killed." she refuted. She'd found that over the years that had become a trend for her; to be where she felt she needed to be in care there was danger, in case something bad happened so she might help.

First year, she followed a group into the Forbidden Forest trying to protect her friends; disaster, nearly died. Then the summer after, she followed her werewolf cousin into the forest; again, nearly died. Second year at the Masque and when the attack happened, put herself in the middle of everything with the intention to try to help and protect people, and nearly died. Thus far, the only time putting herself between people she cared about and a door where she didn't risk life and limb had been during camp. Merlin, did her apparent lack of a sense of self-preservation get her into trouble a lot.

Illowy tucked a bit of hair behind her ear, "'m not brave at all, Bridget. I'm scared... all the time. I like knowing things. I like being able to plan an' predict what's going to happen so I can be prepared for it; but I don't know what to do with this curse. I don't know what to expect, I don't know how to just deal with it and be okay with it. Even if its something bad, I'd rather know that then nothing at all... and all the staring. I've never been stared at before..." she explained, trying to keep herself calmed down as she fiddled a bit with her food.

@Illowy Magnard

Bridget knew how Illowy was feeling because everything she said aligned with how Bridget felt. She, too, was scared. Scared of what could happen at a moment's notice. Scared of her friend's getting hurt. They were Slytherins; they weren't supposed to be brave. Instead, they were supposed to use information to their advantage, so what were they supposed to do when they didn't have the necessary information? Knowledge was power and she suspected they both hated being powerless. And the stares? Bridget perhaps had a slight advantage here from her time as a Quidditch player with everyone watching her every move in a game, but it was still hard. Disappearing into the background was so much easier and now Illowy couldn't do that.

"I guess... maybe it's not really about being brave. Honestly, being brave all the time would be stupid. I mean, we're just kids. Maybe it's okay to just survive right now." She wasn't sure if it was a very convincing argument, and it wouldn't necessarily make Illowy feel better, but honestly, what were they supposed to do? They were children, and while they had magic at their disposal, they still weren't supposed to be in life or death situations.

Illowy was completely right, though. Knowing helped. And what did they even know beyond whatever they'd found in the library? Why hadn't they heard anything new from the Professors? "If you want, we can ask one of the professors if they've made any progress. They might say they haven't, but at least we'd know how things are going on their end."

@Bridget Collins

The girl reluctantly took another small bite of her roll, mostly eating because she knew she need to eat something, though her apatite was virtually gone at the moment. The mauled over Bridget's words in her mind as she spoke. The suggestion that maybe it was okay to just be trying to survive right now didn't settle well in her, but maybe that was her pride talking. There was truth in Bridget's words after all.

They were just kids.

They weren't suppose to be brave. They weren't suppose to be dealing with these kinds of heavy problems and life or death situations. They shouldn't be worried about keeping their friends or themselves alive... but this was Hogwarts after all. This was the Wizarding World. One could never be too cautious in the Wizarding World... but at least here they were suppose to have some faith that the adult would protect them. Yet, how could one keep that faith after seeing, even a powerful witch like Prof. Jensen, so shaken and scared and unsure of what to do?

When her friend offered for them to try to talk to one of the Professors about it, Illowy lifted her eyes back to her, giving a shallow nod, "I think that would help." she agreed. Hopefully someone would know something, anything. Good, bad or useless, just some new detail to the mystery would give her some ease over it, "Thanks for coming for me, Bridget..." she offered a small smile.

@Illowy Magnard

They both sat in silence for a bit. Bridget finished off her roll. It didn't make for a very filling meal, but that was really her fault for discussing Quidditch instead of eating her food. Besides, making sure her friend was okay was worth going hungry.

Illowy said she thought going to the Professors would help, which Bridget was glad to hear. She couldn't fix Illowy's problem, but maybe she could help her find someone that could. Already she was weighing who to go to. Professor Jensen, perhaps? The curse was on her house, so it would make sense she at least was aware of any progress being made if not directly a part of it. She would be the one Bridget would be most comfortable going to with the assumption the other staff members most likely involved were the nurse and Potions Professor. Especially since she could be wrong about that, it would be safest to go to their Head of House.

She offered a nod back at Illowy's thanks. There was nothing to say, really. Of course she'd come; Illowy was her friend, so what kind of friend would she be if she'd just left her? Bridget couldn't have just pretended she hadn't noticed and went on with her conversation as if nothing had happened.

When they'd both finished their rolls, Bridget stood up. There was no reason for them to continue sitting on the probably dirty floor anymore, and besides, they probably both had homework to get to. "See you later, Illowy. Want to plan who we'll go to later?" Once she had her answer, she would head off down the hallway towards the library, off to get some work done.

Bridget Collins has exited the thread.

@Bridget Collins

Quietly, the girls finished their meager meal on the floor. Part of her felt a little bad that she was the cause of Bridget missing supper, but there was hardly anything to be done about it now. At the very least, it was a nice comfort, to feel a bit more conformation that the pair were, in fact, friends and that it wasn't just in her mind. After all, you don't just leave your conversation to talk down a person don't at least somewhat enjoy having hanging around; at least, Illowy wouldn't.

The girl followed suit of her housemate rising off the floor, reactively brushing her hands against her backside in the event that something stuck to her from the stone; what mortification to add insult to injury in that form. Tucking a tress of hair back behind her ear, Illowy nodded, offering a small smile, "Sounds good. I'll see you back in the dorm." she assured before watching her friend wander off down the corridor.

Hopefully soon answers would start surfacing and they could have this whole mess resolved. She didn't care how or what had to be done in order to do so, but some measure of closure she felt was needed before she'd find herself able to move on.

With a soft sigh, the snack started off back towards the Common Room, shaking a hand through her hair in some attempt to tame the haphazard mess she'd created jerking it from its original style. Some tea and quiet time to draw before everyone came back for bed sounded like a good remedy to bring herself back down to her true baseline; and maybe some contemplation over her notes to see if she'd missed anything from her previous studies on the curse.

Illowy has exited the thread
Finished