Heavy Hearts PV Anastasia Beckett Reopened

@Flash Holmwood

Anastasia was having what some might call "a difficult time adjusting". That wasn't entirely accurate, seeing as she wasn't really actually trying to adjust. She didn't see the point. Her mean girl antics from previous years seemed insignificant and quite frankly a waste of time. Everything she had focused so much on, all of her friends and feuds and worries about various school dances and outfits, seemed beyond shallow and ditzy now. She wasn't sure what she was going to do about that stupid dance club she had started, since dancing was probably the last thing she felt like doing this semester. Even Quidditch, her great love since she had first mounted a broom, seemed silly and childish. Tryouts for the Gryffindor Quidditch team didn't even excite the girl as much as they had, despite the fact that playing for her house team was something she had dreamed of for as long as she could remember. Everything she had thought mattered so much just seemed pointless.

The one thing that had brought her any peace the past few days had been sunrises. Something about them still being so perfect and colorful felt comforting, like a promise that her life wasn't over. She wasn't sure she actually believed said promise, but it was hope nonetheless. Any more hope than that felt like a betrayal to her mother, but she needed something. It felt like the sunsets were just for her, some small recompense for all that she had lost, everything that was keeping her from sleeping.

Her fingers were wrapped around a mug of coffee that she had managed to snag on her way out. Her spot in the owlery had been marred by an overly enthusiastic Ravenclaw, and Ana was completely not awake enough to deal with that. She just needed a moment when nobody was whispering as she walked past and none of her friends were trying to figure out what she was dealing with. If she wanted to talk about it, she would have talked about it. She knew they meant well, but frankly, it was getting a bit exhausting.

As she scrolled, her thoughts drifted to the previous day. She looked more like her old self since she wasn't wearing eye makeup due to the sore eye she had gotten in the fight. It hadn't bruised when she had checked in the mirror, but she had gotten enough bumps and bruises in Quidditch to know that this was probably blossom into a spectacular black eye later on. For now, it was just a little sore, similar to where she'd been kicked. In retrospect, tackling and punching a random girl in the hallway wasn't her most solid plan ever, but even now, she was certain it was worth it. That girl had felt alright spreading rumors that Ana was a murderer, so Ana felt perfectly alright defending herself and her reputation. Granted, randomly attacking someone in front of half the school wasn't the best way to convince anyone that she wasn't a violent person.

A gentle breeze ruffled her hair and house scarf as she made a turn. Another figure caught her eye as it neared her, and she mentally steadied herself to deal with some moron who wanted to ask her about her punching someone or murdering someone or setting someone on fire. She bit her lip and her breath caught slightly when he was close enough for her to make out his features. He was about her height, and she vaguely recognized him, probably from the Great Hall or something. What she couldn't help but focus on her his startling blue eyes. They almost reminded her of her mother's but they were bluer. A part of her felt like she could spend an eternity looking into those eyes.

"As could I," she said in reply to his request to join her. She took another sip of her coffee as the pair continued off, changing her pace slightly to match his. "I ought to introduce myself, I suppose. I'm Anastasia."

Flash was pleased when his greeting was easily accepted, subtly moving closer as they walked so that his voice could be heard more clearly. Even though the dawn song had come and gone hours earlier, birds were chatting amongst themselves in the trees, settling their petty territorial disputes. Flash sincerely missed waking up with the birds in the morning, when the earth seemed vacant of all but nature and birdsong. He was finding, however, that being alone was an increasingly taxing situation. Being alone brought silence, which brought looming thoughts. Panic. Perhaps it was best that he tried to be alone as little as possible. Even just being in the presence of another person brought light to what had felt like his body sinking into the dirt with every step.

”Miss Anastasia. It’s a pleasure.” The tone of his voice would indicate his earnestness. ”My name is Flash Holmwood.”

It would have been ridiculous to insist on giving her a handshake while they were walking, not to mention the cup in her hand seemed to hold a hot beverage. He would have assumed tea, since that’s that Willow always made him for him on their walks, but the aroma was strong and bitter. It was probably coffee, though no one in his family drank it as far as he knew. He could only recognize the smell from entering restaurants in the early morning, it was powerful enough of a smell to escape the kitchen when it was brewed. With a scent that bold, he could only imagine how bold the taste was. His mother told him his child palette wouldn’t enjoy the astringent taste, but Anastasia seemed to be enjoying it. It wasn’t as though there was anyone around her to impress.

”That smells like coffee, I don’t see many people drinking that.” Not just children, tea was a much more popular drink all over the United Kingdom for all ages. ”I know taste varies, but I wonder why. What do you enjoy about coffee?”

The easiest way to understand the world was to ask questions, and Flash was always trying to understand. It wouldn’t even occur to him to go for topics of discussion that held no interesting answers for him like ‘do you like Hogwarts’ or ‘how was your summer vacation’. He didn’t care about those things, he wanted answers to things that struck the chords of his curiosity.

He would have to look in front of him to walk for the most part, but he would look over to her whenever he could. She was easy to look at, well put together even though it seemed she hadn't made any specific effort to. Likely a product of long term care, a fit body and clean skin, much like Flash himself. She was around the same height as him, their eyes on the same level. Flash was so used to looking down to his peers, it was refreshing to see eye-to-eye for once.

@Anastasia Beckett

@Flash Holmwood

Continuing to sip her coffee, she listened to his reply. Flash was a rather unusual name, and she made a mental note to later inquire if it was a family name or a nickname. It didn't seem like a family name, but there were some odd names that were passed through generations, so there was really no telling. Then again, seeing as she had seven middle names, she wasn't actually one to make comments on others'.

Aside from his thought-provoking name which distracted her from her thoughts of guilt and sadness, she was grateful for his company. He wasn't some nosy first year who was chattering about the rumors he'd heard about her or an overly concerned but ultimately useless friend trying to ascertain what was wrong with her. So far, he was nothing more than a pleasant acquaintance, and while she might have claimed otherwise, the extroverted Gryffindor had been dying to just talk to someone like the world hadn't imploded in on her over the summer. As lovely as sunrises were, she had been terribly lonely for months, and being surrounded by talkative students the past week hadn't changed that.

She was rather surprised by the directness of his question, skipping all of the usual horse manure about how lovely the weather was and how she enjoyed being back at school and what house he was and all the other nonsense people seemed to think so to be important when introducing themself. Not that she particularly minded, coffee was a subject she was more than happy to discuss. She had been allowed a cup or two here and there in her travels before that, but she had begun to drink it regularly during her first year at Hogwarts. It was mostly just because she could at first, but somewhere in there, she had become truly fond of the bitter beverage.

"The aroma is quite lovely, I suppose. And given how busy school keeps us, I certainly don't mind the mental boost," she said. That was an understatement. As a result of how little sleep she was able to get, especially of late, she depended on the drink a bit more than was probably healthy. That wasn't really something she fancied sharing with a near stranger, since talking about how much she didn't sleep would lead anyone with a particularly active mind to wonder why she didn't sleep, which would inevitably lead to them looking at her like she was some damaged piece of porcelain. She resented those looks more than anything. The looks of fear and curiosity were irritating, but she had done many things to earn them. Why was it so difficult for people to realize that she was neither some mythic goddess fire queen nor some broken little thing? That she was somewhere in between. That as much as she might act otherwise, she was human.

"I must ask, where did the name Flash come from?" she said. She figured it was only polite to return his question with one of her own, and anyway, she was extremely curious to know if there was any specific reason he was called that. As they walked, she glanced over at him. His eyes really were very blue, almost alarmingly so.

At Anastasia’s answer, Flash’s eyebrows lifted dramatically. Some other students his age could be fooled into thinking he knew absolutely everything, but the truth was that he was deeply uninformed about a great deal of things. Coffee was one of them, and the words ‘mental boost’ were like a splash of gas thrown into a dying campfire. Certainly if there were mental processing benefits to coffee, his family would be chugging it morning to night.

”Mental boost? Could you tell me what you mean?” Flash made an effort then to retrieve his face back to its normal setting, it was no good to look too eager. Some found it off-putting. ”You don’t have to answer that… I could always research it on my own time.”

She was certainly right about the aroma at least. It wasn’t exactly something as instantly pleasant as a floral smell, but it had some level of richness to it. It almost gave him goosebumps when he first noticed it, not something he was used to pleasant smells doing. The idea of smelling that every morning gave him a vague idea of its appeal, almost like a satisfying shock.

It was in mulling over the idea of what it tasted like that Flash realized his troubles that had seemed so insurmountable moments earlier felt miles away. Talking with other people was entirely rejuvenating. He felt grateful that his curiosity was being indulged. Certainly the things people were saying about her weren’t true. Flash was never one to operate solely off secondhand information anyway, he insisted on confirming things himself.

At the mention of his name, he let out a short laugh, instinctively covering his mouth with one hand. Last year he might have dodged the question, or felt embarrassed, but he had become used to it. He wasn’t ashamed of the name, after all. Now more than ever, he wanted everyone to keep calling him by it. He loved hearing it.

”I gave it to myself, do you like it?” Though he had hidden his laugh, he dropped his hand to show a cheeky smile. He knew it sounded silly, but he didn’t have any trouble commanding respect despite that. ”If you want to know why then you’ll have to give me information of equal value. That’s how my secrets work.”

Of course, she was also welcome to drop the subject entirely. It was likely not even half as interesting as she thought, though no matter what she said in response, it would tell Flash a great deal about who she was. How much she actually cared to know, or what she thought the information was worth. As it turned out, Flash was becoming more and more interested in knowing more about her. Perhaps it was a distraction, but it was one he would gladly continue for as long as she let him.

@Anastasia Beckett

@Flash Holmwood

Flash's sudden look of interest rather amused Ana. While she was by no means a coffee connoisseur of any type, she knew more about coffee than most people her age. Probably because she was quite the contrarian and her parents had tried to steer her away from the drink. In any event, she knew far more about coffee than she probably really should have known. His look of surprise and then his quick attempt to appear less enthusiastic endeared him further to the Gryffindor. The vast majority of her childhood had been spent trying to appear less enthusiastic than she was about various subjects, so she could certainly empathize with whatever instinct had lead her companion to do so.

Ah, coffee is something I'm always more than willing to talk about. I find it helps me focus. It's also spectacularly helpful in getting you awake," Ana said. It almost reminded her of the Vitamix potion, but in her opinion, coffee was far superior and also legal in broom racing. As the pair continued, Ana realized that the problems that had been weighing her down were no longer at the forefront of her mind. They were still lurking in the shadows, but for the first time in months, they weren't her sole focus. She had been so focused on all that had happened that she had almost forgotten what it was like to just talk to someone. Not about anything particularly meaningful, but that didn't make her value this interaction any less. While she didn't feel happy exactly - she doubted she would ever feel happy again - she felt almost peaceful and so much less alone. The loneliness was something she had thought she could bear, but at the moment, it was being made starkly clear to her that she couldn't.

Upon hearing his explanation of his nickname, a curious eyebrow arched. She had given herself the nickname Ana when she had first started at school, so she understood that bit, but if anything, his answer only brought up more questions in the curious Gryffindor's mind. It didn't help that he was being so mysterious about it either. If anything, that only made her more intent on learning the reason behind it. Maybe it was her contrary nature or her need to constantly be learning new things, but whatever it was meant that she was set upon receiving the knowledge. He was someone who she rather wanted to get to know, if for no other reason than he felt like the first pinprick of light after years of darkness. "Oh, well, now I've got to know," she said with a slight laugh, her dark eyes regaining some of their former sparkle for a moment. "And what might you consider to be of equal value?"

Ana’s words brought back a barely noticeable furtive smirk at the edge of his lips, his eyes looking like he wanted to laugh. He felt like there had to be something she wasn’t telling him, it seemed too good to be true. Maybe it tasted hideous, or it had some sort of undesirable secondary effect. Flash didn’t trust things that were too good to be true, but it wasn’t like coffee was some kind of illegal substance. It was very popular around the world, so there was a chance that it had a purely beneficial reason to be. If so, why had this sacred knowledge been kept from him for so long?

”Is that so? Helps you focus?” Flash’s eyes were almost glimmering with the prospect. ”I don’t know where you’re brewing it, but I would love to convince you to offer me a cup someday.”

Flash intentionally made his request sound humorous in its approach. He neither wanted to forcefully ask that she make him one, nor be so subtle as to miss the chance. His line of investigation about the mysterious magical mixture wouldn’t be sated until he tried it for himself. There was also individual body chemistry to account for-- like with medicine, everything one imbibed was prone to reacting differently with different people. Certainly coffee was the same, more useful to some than others.

”Do you take morning walks often?” Another gentle suggestion with only the ghostly hint of his will being asserted. ‘You should offer to bring me a cup of coffee tomorrow, and talk to me again’, he said without saying.

When Anastasia showed her insistent interest in the face of mystery, Flash finally let his childish laughter escape, gently covering his mouth for modesty. She seemed no less enticed by the unknown as he was, and the revelation of her excitement to know more brought him endless delight. Like butterflies in his stomach. He was glad for the massive lake in the distance that swept cool air across the grassy hills, bringing with it the familiar smells of the wild flora in the area. The heat on his brow from the exercise had long since cooled, and the radiant sun on his skin felt like an embrace. He wondered where his bad morning had disappeared to.

”Equal value… let me think…” Flash tapped his chin with one finger, clearly being playful, wearing a sheepish grin. ”How about you tell me about something you love, but are too embarrassed to share? A guilty pleasure?”

He peered over at her wearing the newfound amusement on his face openly. There was still no pressure to answer, so she was free to laugh his request off. Still, it was actually a fair exchange, just as he said. Without giving it away completely, it was an embarrassing hobby of his that held the key to the answer he intended to give her… so long as she didn’t mind spilling a few beans of her own.

@Anastasia Beckett

@Flash Holmwood

Flash's enthusiasm and curiosity about coffee seemed to lighten things so much that, for few moments, she didn't have that horrible feeling of loneliness that had been following her since July. It didn't exactly help that she was pushing her friends away in every possible manner, but even when she sat in the Great Hall packed full of students, she felt like she was on her own planet of despair. This was the longest she had talked to anyone since July without either punching them or saying something absolutely horrible to them. It was refreshing to have a conversation about coffee where she didn't feel like the other person was either trying to determine what was wrong with her and try to fix or trying to find a weakness to exploit.

She nodded at his words. "I just might sometime," she said noncommittally. That rather sounded to her like a hint that he would be interested in spending more time with her. She absolutely wanted to spend more time around him, if for no other reason than he was by far the most pleasant interaction she had had in months. The idea that he wanted to spend more time around her also made her feel better than she would have liked to admit. Lately, it felt like all she did was hurt other people one way or another, and it seemed as though the world hated her, and nobody that she cared about wanted a thing to do with her.

His follow up question was another slight hint that he wouldn't terribly mind spending more time with her. If he had met her a year ago, this wouldn't have meant quite as much as it did now. A year ago, she had been confident and felt like the world was hers for the taking. Now though, it felt like everything she had depended on had crumpled, and her unfaltering belief in herself had been replaced by a constant feeling of inferiority. "Lately, yes," she said. "And you?"

His laugh made her smile brightly for a moment, almost looking like she was just her normal self. Something about it made her stomach flutter. There was just something about him, maybe it was his eyes or his laugh or his demeanor that just made Ana feel like she was being warmed by the sun. While her problems weren't completely purged from her mind, they were pushed so far to the back that they might as well have been.

"A guilty pleasure?" Ana asked, biting her bottom lip as she pondered for a moment. She was fairly open about most of the things she enjoyed. "Muggle comic books. Especially the superhero ones." She decided not to explain at the moment, since it involved her cousin Amelia and her parents, neither of which were topics that she particularly wanted to discuss. Her cousin had been disowned and Ana still had no idea what had happened to her, and her parents were the very last thing she wanted to talk about on this sunny morning with her lovely companion. She also rather wondered how her guilty pleasure was related to his nickname. Maybe Flash was spawned from embarrassing childhood secrets?"So, your name?"

Anastasia took his hint, though didn’t offer anything directly. It had been a long shot anyway, it probably was hard enough to brew that early in the morning without adding more to it. He didn’t know exactly what the process was, but he had seen a few of the machines that brewed it before. It certainly seemed more complex than pouring hot water over some bagged leaves for a few minutes. He might not be able to look it up on his smartphone or find a book on it in the library, but he assumed the Room of Requirement would give him whatever he needed if he wanted to experiment. Still, he preferred drinks over company. He wouldn’t push, though. Not outwardly.

She continued by saying she had taken up morning walks lately, a good explanation of why Flash had never seen her before. He had quite a few different routes that he went along to avoid predictable movements. The new curfew might have changed her schedule, or the time of year might have had her yearned for the outside sun that was not yet blazing to inhabitable temperatures. Fresh air and sunlight was good for one’s health, so walking in the morning was good physical maintenance. That’s what it was for Flash. He had to stay fit. In fact, his talk with Erin Ryan at summer camp had only made him push himself harder.

”I run every day.” He hated to think of it coming off as some sort of brag, it was as essential to him as brushing his teeth and taking a shower. ”I like walking too, though. I think conversation is nearly as stimulating as exercise.”

This particular path took them near the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, but not too close. Flash was invested in finding answers to the curse that was still running in the veins of his fellow Slytherins, feeling that the hags had to be the answer. He wasn’t suicidal, though, but it didn’t hurt to keep an eye out. Burnett had seen a hag outside of the forest, after all. Today it was silent, the undergrowth vibrant with the undisturbed vegetation. It reminded him of the forest at home… the one he should have never entered that night. Perhaps this forest too also housed secrets that explained everything, tucked behind an impassable veil of assured destruction.

Flash’s lingering gaze on the forest might have been noticeable, no doubt a contrasting stony seriousness in an attempt to catch anything out of the ordinary, only to see peaceful silence between the branches. It was galling to think that a short hike inside would reveal horrible creatures of darkness, ones that would love for his curiosity to drive him inside and tear him apart. He needed to drop it, since there was nothing he could do about it anyway. He was glad he still had his distraction beside him.

She could not have said anything more incredibly distracting as well. Somehow, Flash had come across someone perfectly suited to enrapture his attention completely. What divine luck, what joyous providence. Her answer was terse and unadorned, but it was all he needed. A sharp inhale through his nose would alert her to his surprise, as well as straightening up to attention like a meerkat.

”Comic books?” It was a question, but merely one of surprise. He could easily see the traces of refinement on her, even if only in her gait. It took one to know one, and no matter her casual way of speaking, he knew she was well off. Most children wouldn’t call comic books a guilty pleasure, they were the target audience for the most part anyway, but for people like them, they were expected to leave childish things behind. That, or his name and question had tipped her off and she was merely playing with him. It was hard to tell. Still, she matched his expectation, so he intended to deliver. ”My name… is.. haha…”

Flash could barely say it without grinning. They would naturally be returning to the castle soon on the path they were on, she had been discovered near the end of his jog, but he regretted not being able to ask her a million follow-up questions.

”Maybe you already guessed it, but I stole the name from Flash Gordon. He was from an old comic book, though I don’t know if you could call him a superhero. He was a space traveller, athlete, and scientist. I suppose if Batman counts, he does too. Fighting evil, you know...” Flash wished he could pull a bag over his head, the way his face reddened. As much as he didn’t like showing vulnerability, he knew this information was mostly harmless. Just embarrassing. Revealing. ”Which superhero are you drawn to? I would love to know.”

It was no longer a tit for tat, he just found himself hungering for the information. Information about Anastasia’s thoughts, desires, and dreams. One short walk was not going to be enough for him.

@Anastasia Beckett

@Flash Holmwood

She was definitely going to bring him coffee later. She wasn't sure how she was going to swing bringing cream or sugar. Maybe she would just make two cups the way she liked and bring that. Coffee was a deeply personal thing, for her anyway, and it had taken a fair amount of tweaking to figure out her exact way of drinking it. She generally preferred cappuccinos above all else, but seeing as she hadn't been able to get espresso from the elves or figure out a way to foam milk, she was making do with putting an obscene amount of sugar in the coffee she could get her hands on.

Ana arched an eyebrow slightly at the idea of running every day. While she trained a fair amount for ballet and Quidditch, she personally rather disliked running. It just seemed rather boring to her. It wasn't leisurely enough to drink a cup of coffee or talk to anyone, and it wasn't interesting to her like ballet and Quidditch were. Granted, she had a fairly short attention span for things that she didn't deem interesting such as Astronomy homework or drama from the first years, so she rather respected Flash for running every day.

As they neared the Forbidden Forest, Ana's gaze stopped for a moment. She had heard rumors of hags and attacks last term, but she had been in India when all of that had supposedly been taking place. It seemed fair more peaceful than one would expect a place called the "Forbidden Forest" to look. She didn't particularly like the idea of forests in general, but her curious side rather wanted to explore. She wasn't planning on it, since, despite common belief, she didn't actually have a death wish, but as with the danger at the Blossom Ball, there was a part of her that was drawn to it. She also rather felt like she really didn't have very much to lose anymore. If she got in trouble for getting herself hurt, there was no longer the risk of a Howler from her parents. Her aunt was far too sweet to send a Howler and her uncle wasn't particularly interested in raising Anastasia, certainly not interested enough to bother with a scolding unless she pulled something really bad.

She noticed her companion's gaze stopping on the forest for a moment, and she couldn't help but wonder why. She hadn't gotten a straight answer as to what had happened with the Slytherins and she of all people knew that rumors weren't to be trusted. She contemplated asking Flash about it but decided against it. It was so pleasant to be able to ignore everything that had been weighing her down for months. While it wasn't like the weight was completely gone, it was like she wasn't holding it all by herself anymore, which was something she would happily accept and wouldn't mess up by changing the topic to something that was likely a dark and fairly loaded topic.

His reaction to her mention of comic books couldn't help but make her smile. The way his face reddened further endeared him to her as well. She could definitely relate to being embarrassed about things that she liked, generally by her parents. "I love it and Flash Gordon is definitely a superhero," she declared, her face reddening a bit as well. She felt like she was being far too open with him, and a part of her hated it. Still, more of her liked being able to pretend that she was nothing more than a schoolgirl. His question caused her to wrinkle her brow for a moment and bite her lip as she thought. There were several and all of them for different reasons. Batman a lot, lately, for obvious reasons, as they were both rich, had had their parents killed in front of them, liked to dress in dark colors, and probably less than completely mentally stable. "Wonder Woman is the main one, I think. She was the first one I read about, and there's just something about her."

She had gone from feeling like she wasn't against spending more time around him, to certain that this was someone that she wanted to get to know better. His enthusiasm was infectious, and being around him made her feel better than she had felt in months. She was definitely planning on walking more in the mornings, if for no other reason than to spend more time with Flash.