31 Jul 2020, 01:07
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
June 9
Katrina was lost in her head again. She didn't show it, she never really did. To most people she seemed perfectly content. The only thing that showed that something was wrong was that she was fiddling with her left sleeve. Well, that, and the fact that she was singing quietly to herself. It was already the end of the day, but she had been lost in her thoughts all day so she hardly noticed.
Katrina turned into a quieter hallway and noticed for the first time that she had been singing to herself. Instead of stopping like she normally would, she decided that no one would really care and continued. The fact that she was so off as to stand out in a crowd would be a red flag for anyone who knew her.
"There’s an old familiar silence
When I’m lost inside my heart
I can’t hear the voice inside me
So I look up to the stars"
Her voice would be described by anyone else as angelic. It was light but clear. She did have several years of experience, not that anyone at school knew. She hummed the violin part of the song, but it was no longer light, it had a subtle heaviness of the cloud of stormy thoughts in her mind.
Katrina gritted her teeth, humming fading into nothingness. She could feel the thoughts in her head welling up, surging forward, if she didn't do something, she would end up crying or something equally embarrassing. Blossomball. Her parents. Fears for summer. Her music within. Feeling like everything is too much. Everything just wound up into one complicated ball of emotion. Just like last time this happened, she felt so weak, like something else was taking over.
@Wyatt Starkey
>Stats: Sta 9, Evas 8, Str 3, Wis 11, ArcP 9, Acc 6<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
31 Jul 2020, 01:33
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
Wyatt was trying to get away from everyone else when he heard it. This angelic, crystal clear voice. But there was something else about the voice, something that really made it... alarming. The emotion. Whoever was singing was really feeling the music, and you could even hear it in their hums. Wyatt stopped walking and turned to listen. It sounded like the person was coming closer, walking through the corridors. Soon the girl would turn the corner, and they would be face to face in the quiet, intersecting hallway.
Instead of waiting, Wyatt turned the corner first. It was that Gryffindor who made the Ravenclaw have a panic attack. The first thing he noticed about her was… well… the girl looked like shit. Not looks wise, she was pretty, but more her expression, her posture. The sad look on her face. Wyatt should’ve seen this coming, judging by the sad tone of the song she’d been singing. Wyatt knew if he said one thing slightly rude, this girl would cry. He knew because he’d felt that same way before, he was just better at hiding it.
First, he cleared his throat, so she wouldn’t be too startled by the Slytherin. He hated that he was doing this, but the Gryffindor had already seen him help that Ravenclaw through a panic attack. The emotionless façade had already cracked before the red head, so this shouldn’t have come as a surprise to either student. Though Wyatt couldn’t help being angry at himself for caring so much. He had his own life to deal with, yet he couldn’t just walk away from this broken orphan. What is wrong with me, he thought defeatedly.
“I’m sorry… I know this is hardly my business and I think you hate me, but you seem…” Wyatt paused, struggling to find the right words, “out of it.” That was as nicely as he knew to put it.
@Katrina Walker
Instead of waiting, Wyatt turned the corner first. It was that Gryffindor who made the Ravenclaw have a panic attack. The first thing he noticed about her was… well… the girl looked like shit. Not looks wise, she was pretty, but more her expression, her posture. The sad look on her face. Wyatt should’ve seen this coming, judging by the sad tone of the song she’d been singing. Wyatt knew if he said one thing slightly rude, this girl would cry. He knew because he’d felt that same way before, he was just better at hiding it.
First, he cleared his throat, so she wouldn’t be too startled by the Slytherin. He hated that he was doing this, but the Gryffindor had already seen him help that Ravenclaw through a panic attack. The emotionless façade had already cracked before the red head, so this shouldn’t have come as a surprise to either student. Though Wyatt couldn’t help being angry at himself for caring so much. He had his own life to deal with, yet he couldn’t just walk away from this broken orphan. What is wrong with me, he thought defeatedly.
“I’m sorry… I know this is hardly my business and I think you hate me, but you seem…” Wyatt paused, struggling to find the right words, “out of it.” That was as nicely as he knew to put it.
@Katrina Walker
| “If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.” - Kurt Cobain. |
Sta: 15 | Eva: 20 | Str: 6 | Wis: 9 | Arc: 9 | Acc: 11 Parselmouth | Prodigal DADA | Fearless | Muggle Condition |
31 Jul 2020, 19:03
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
Katrina would never, in her right mind, be found singing. If there was one thing in her life that she would consider her greatest secret is that she sang. And that she sang really well. It must have been a product of loosing her parents. Her immediate family used to always sing and play instruments and dance, but when she lost her parents and had no way of listening to music here, she suppressed it all. There were probably two or three people that knew she could sing, and she usually strived to keep it that way. She had already been burned with rumors before.
Katrina faded out when she heard someone clear their throat. How in the world they had managed to sneak up on her, she would never know. She was typically more aware of her surroundings. Instantly, Katrina put on an expression of indifferent (even though the damage had already been done) she pressed her lips into a flat line, rolled back her shoulders and straightened her back, and rose her gaze to meet his.
It was the boy from her explosion in the bathroom. The one time she had unleashed everything she had been feeling. She had managed to scare a girl into a panic attack. Then this boy, whom she had already forgotten his name, had come in and freaked out (rightfully so) and broke up the tension. After her anger had been spent, she had admitted way too much.
“I’m sorry… I know this is hardly my business and I think you hate me, but you seem…” he paused for a second, “out of it.” Katrina first noticed the fact that he precursor it all with apology. If said apology was simply for what he was about to say or about everything else, she couldn’t be sure. Katrina almost wanted to interrupt and say that she didn’t hate him, because she really didn’t, there was one person she hated, and that was because she had mocked Katrina for being sad and hexed her on several occasions, once to unconsciousness.
When Katrina spoke, she was careful to keep it as emotionless as her expression, a part of her still hoping that he hadn’t picked up on the fact that she had been singing, “Firstly, I don’t hate you. It takes more than being levelheaded to me to make me hate you,” Katrina paused, debating with how much she was going to say.
“And second, yes, I am a bit out of it. You know, just stresses for summer,” she said this so casually and so boringly, that it would take most a moment to put together everything. She didn’t have a home to go to. Not only had she lost her parents, but her family had turned their back on her. She honestly, had no where to go for the rest of the summer. Sure, she had been planning to ask several people to house her for a few weeks at a time, but she hadn’t done that yet.
A part of her understood that she was stressing about that because there was something she could do about it. Her other stresses, she had no power in fixing. The normal time for people to grieve is 12 to 18 months. It was all Katrina could do to hope that everything would fix itself in two months, because she didn’t know how long she could deal with it all without letting the horrible creature inside her take over.
@Wyatt Starkey
>Stats: Sta 9, Evas 8, Str 3, Wis 11, ArcP 9, Acc 6<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
2 Aug 2020, 01:45
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
“You know, just stresses for summer,” said Walker. Wyatt barely finished for the Gryffindor to finish before he said, with an unreadably face, “No.” Thinking he was being too vague, Wyatt decided to elaborate. “I’ve seen you in the halls. I’ve heard the rumors. You’re obviously not just feeling summer stress. You’ve been the same ever since I met you in the Abandoned Bathrooms.” It was most likely about her parents. Her family.
The casual and natural tone in her voice was one Wyatt knew well. It was one he’d used plenty of times when he lied, and he lied often. Being too natural when he lied was almost his tell. “You don’t have to talk about it, but it might make you feel better.” He wasn’t going to be too pushy with this Gryffindor. “If you say no, I’ll leave.” He awkwardly buried his hands in his pockets. “No more questions asked.” His tone was sincere.
It was a promise he intended to keep. He didn’t want to leave Walker feeling like garbage, but if that's how she wanted to feel, he would leave her feeling that way. All he needed was to know was that he did all he could do, and if Walker didn’t want to talk, she could keep singing her sad songs and Wyatt would walk to his common room.
@Katrina Walker
The casual and natural tone in her voice was one Wyatt knew well. It was one he’d used plenty of times when he lied, and he lied often. Being too natural when he lied was almost his tell. “You don’t have to talk about it, but it might make you feel better.” He wasn’t going to be too pushy with this Gryffindor. “If you say no, I’ll leave.” He awkwardly buried his hands in his pockets. “No more questions asked.” His tone was sincere.
It was a promise he intended to keep. He didn’t want to leave Walker feeling like garbage, but if that's how she wanted to feel, he would leave her feeling that way. All he needed was to know was that he did all he could do, and if Walker didn’t want to talk, she could keep singing her sad songs and Wyatt would walk to his common room.
@Katrina Walker
| “If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.” - Kurt Cobain. |
Sta: 15 | Eva: 20 | Str: 6 | Wis: 9 | Arc: 9 | Acc: 11 Parselmouth | Prodigal DADA | Fearless | Muggle Condition |
2 Aug 2020, 02:39
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
Katrina thought that she had been pretty good. Honestly, she wasn’t putting as much effort into it as she usually did. Apparently, thoughts were just as distracting as other things were.
His response was painfully clear to her that she wasn’t as inconspicuous as she thought. He went on to elaborate about the rumors he had heard and what he had picked up. Was she really that obvious? Were there more rumors than she had thought? Did he actually... care?
At first glance, he was reserved and somewhat insensitive. Not in a bad way, just in a way that was sort of— odd. Katrina was figuring out that there was more to him than it seemed. Apparently there was a soft side that understood loss.
He extended the offer of an open ear. She didn’t want to pour everything onto him, but at this point, it would do her better than sitting here swirling in her worries.
“Well, I mean... honestly, where do I begin. I’m sure you know that I have nowhere to go. No parents. And my family hates me and basically disowned me. Then there is the whole not having a terribly large amount of friends and I don’t have anywhere else to really go,” Katrina managed to stop herself. Why was she even saying this? But the words pressed out of her.
“But I guess that isn’t really what’s bothering me. One thing I hate about being here is that there is no music. I have to create my own. My family and I used to always have music going. Being here, where iPods don’t work and the piano is in a very frequented room. “ Katrina couldn’t stop herself. The moment she opened her mouth, more just kept coming out and she couldn’t stop it.
“Agh, I don’t even know why I am saying all of this. You don’t need to know all of my stupid worries...” Katrina trailed off, resisting the urge to run away. There was more to be said, but she wasn’t sure how to say it.
Sometimes just getting things off your chest could help more than it seemed.
@Wyatt Starkey ]
>Stats: Sta 9, Evas 8, Str 3, Wis 11, ArcP 9, Acc 6<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
3 Aug 2020, 21:21
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
“I don’t need to hear all this, but you need to say it.” He tapped his foot but stopped after a few taps. If Katrina thinks he’s annoyed that she’s sharing her story she might cry or blow up. Wyatt didn’t feel annoyed though. He felt bad, yet he refused to feel pity. He didn’t like it when people pitied him, so he couldn’t imagine anyone liking it themselves. Maybe people who crave attention, but that wasn’t Katrina.
Wyatt looked up at the second-year. “I mean… do you feel better after talking about it?” The Slytherin was using the same soft voice he’d used on the anxious Ravenclaw. He was being as careful and soft as he could without sounding condescending. It was a voice he would be comfortable hearing in his darkest times. He would want to feel safe and heard. “If you’re done, I can leave. Say the word.”
Wyatt felt like he almost knew Katrina too much. More than his dormmates and his enemies. He’d seen Katrina at her worst- giving a first-year Ravenclaw a panic attack. And if that wasn’t her worst, what is? Something Wyatt would like to avoid. He was questioning his actions more than ever now. One wrong word and this second-year could hex him to space. She was older, knew more. Still, she needed help.
“You’re grieving, this is normal.” He sighed. “What won’t help is keeping it all bottled up inside of you forever- or at least until you die. Which is also pretty bad.” If you asked Wyatt about it, he wouldn’t be able to lie. He was terrible at talking about his feelings, and hearing other people’s feelings made him anxious. But he couldn’t just leave, because if he wasn’t going to help Walker, who would?
@Katrina Walker
Wyatt looked up at the second-year. “I mean… do you feel better after talking about it?” The Slytherin was using the same soft voice he’d used on the anxious Ravenclaw. He was being as careful and soft as he could without sounding condescending. It was a voice he would be comfortable hearing in his darkest times. He would want to feel safe and heard. “If you’re done, I can leave. Say the word.”
Wyatt felt like he almost knew Katrina too much. More than his dormmates and his enemies. He’d seen Katrina at her worst- giving a first-year Ravenclaw a panic attack. And if that wasn’t her worst, what is? Something Wyatt would like to avoid. He was questioning his actions more than ever now. One wrong word and this second-year could hex him to space. She was older, knew more. Still, she needed help.
“You’re grieving, this is normal.” He sighed. “What won’t help is keeping it all bottled up inside of you forever- or at least until you die. Which is also pretty bad.” If you asked Wyatt about it, he wouldn’t be able to lie. He was terrible at talking about his feelings, and hearing other people’s feelings made him anxious. But he couldn’t just leave, because if he wasn’t going to help Walker, who would?
@Katrina Walker
| “If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.” - Kurt Cobain. |
Sta: 15 | Eva: 20 | Str: 6 | Wis: 9 | Arc: 9 | Acc: 11 Parselmouth | Prodigal DADA | Fearless | Muggle Condition |
8 Aug 2020, 18:17
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
Katrina managed to bite her tongue to keep from blabbering. There were already enough rumors going around. He made a witty comment about her just needing to say it and Katrina found her gaze past him. What was she even doing here? What time was it?
The boy-- Starkey, was it?-- went on to ask if she at least felt any better. "I-" Katrina stopped, realizing that she was about to lie to him and to herself. "I guess," Katrina noticed that his tone was softer, somehow, not condescending though. There was a warmth in his voice that she hardly noticed. It was odd, seeing a first year Slytherin who seemed not to care about anything helping a third year Gryffindor through grieving troubles. Talk about ironic.
“What won’t help is keeping it all bottled up inside of you forever- or at least until you die. Which is also pretty bad.” Katrina actually snorted. She didn't ever remember snorting before, but she did it now. Yeah, bottling things up until you die really didn't sound all too great. And that was what it took to get the truth out of her.
"There is more. Something that literally no one else besides social workers know." Katrina started off slow and her tone more troubled. "I have a foster family," saying those five words made everything crash down on her so hard that she nearly collapsed onto the floor. "And I hate them, they are always too nice and try too hard to replace my parents. I have only spent two nights with them and I'm doing literally everything in my power to never have that happen again. I don't want to live with them or think about them or have anything to do with them," Katrina bit her lip, hard, to keep from saying anything else. She felt like bursting into tears or exploding in a rage of hexes or-- but, she really didn't. She felt hollow. And she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.
"Just please-- don't tell anyone. I have had so much grief over rumors," There was actual pleading in her eyes. This emotion felt new and horrible, but she knew that she had to do it.
@Wyatt Starkey
>Stats: Sta 9, Evas 8, Str 3, Wis 11, ArcP 9, Acc 6<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
13 Aug 2020, 04:40
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
"Just please-- don't tell anyone. I have had so much grief over rumors,"
Saying something like who would I tell would be more realistic, but Wyatt settled on, “Don’t worry,” thinking that would be more comforting. “I know this is probably the opposite of what you’d like to hear, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing that your foster family is being too nice. Who knows, maybe if you let them in they won’t try so hard to please you anymore,” Wyatt offered. He didn’t know much about Katrina or her life other than the one explosion in the Abandoned Bathrooms.
Who was he, really, to try to give this girl advice? But she seemed like she needed someone to talk to. “I’m probably not the best person for this, but maybe this is like… your test run. You’ve got to have at least one good friend you can share this with. Someone you’ll see more… who can help you more?” This was less of Wyatt trying to push Katrina away and more of Wyatt knowing he wasn’t the best person for the job, though he hoped she wouldn’t think he was trying to get rid of her. She could benefit from opening up to more people.
Wyatt was probably the most hypocritical person in all of Hogwarts. Sometimes he would accidentally come across someone needing help at Hogwarts, and he’d give them advice. But if anyone ever gave him advice, he wouldn’t take it. He would barely even acknowledge it. He thought Katrina could benefit from opening up, but he was likely the last person to ever share his feelings with anyone (other than rage).
@Katrina Walker
Saying something like who would I tell would be more realistic, but Wyatt settled on, “Don’t worry,” thinking that would be more comforting. “I know this is probably the opposite of what you’d like to hear, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing that your foster family is being too nice. Who knows, maybe if you let them in they won’t try so hard to please you anymore,” Wyatt offered. He didn’t know much about Katrina or her life other than the one explosion in the Abandoned Bathrooms.
Who was he, really, to try to give this girl advice? But she seemed like she needed someone to talk to. “I’m probably not the best person for this, but maybe this is like… your test run. You’ve got to have at least one good friend you can share this with. Someone you’ll see more… who can help you more?” This was less of Wyatt trying to push Katrina away and more of Wyatt knowing he wasn’t the best person for the job, though he hoped she wouldn’t think he was trying to get rid of her. She could benefit from opening up to more people.
Wyatt was probably the most hypocritical person in all of Hogwarts. Sometimes he would accidentally come across someone needing help at Hogwarts, and he’d give them advice. But if anyone ever gave him advice, he wouldn’t take it. He would barely even acknowledge it. He thought Katrina could benefit from opening up, but he was likely the last person to ever share his feelings with anyone (other than rage).
@Katrina Walker
| “If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.” - Kurt Cobain. |
Sta: 15 | Eva: 20 | Str: 6 | Wis: 9 | Arc: 9 | Acc: 11 Parselmouth | Prodigal DADA | Fearless | Muggle Condition |
13 Aug 2020, 17:23
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
At this point, Katrina had no clue what to think of Starkey. He was obviously very good at pretending he was fine and that he didn't care. But the words that he kept saying made perfect sense. They were the words of someone who understood. Or at least had the capacity to sympathize.
Katrina didn't really know a response to Starkey's advice for the foster parents. She didn't want to admit that he was probably right. She wanted to live in the little bubble of safety she had made. She didn't want to give them a second chance, but maybe it was due time that she did. Katrina made sure nothing portrayed what she was thinking. There was a good chance, however, that Starkey could still read her. He seemed to have the knack for doing that.
Katrina subtly shifted her weight, grasping one hand over her left arm. It was right where the scar from the Mosp stinger was. If Wyatt had heard most of the rumors, he probably also heard the one that she had almost died. It was... far from true. But she had struggled to heal, even with magic help. But that was a topic for another time. Or maybe never. Never may be a bit easier to handle.
A friend. Did she have one? "I suppose there is someone I could talk to... but-- it would also mean admitting that I lied. And I don't think breaking trust would be a good thing. It was already really hard making friends with her." And, if you picked it up... I don't have many friends. Katrina was able to stop herself, just barely.
Katrina had the feeling that he was probably done talking. She didn't want to just up and leave. Especially since she had just laid all of her secrets down. She really should get some homework done. And eat something. The stupid habit was working up again. She somewhat made it clear (how, she wasn't sure) that if he wanted to leave, he could, but she didn't want to be the first to leave.
@Wyatt Starkey
>Stats: Sta 9, Evas 8, Str 3, Wis 11, ArcP 9, Acc 6<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
>Healing Sage | Perfectionist | Charmer || Leader of SHC| Owner of The Kat Shop<
21 Aug 2020, 23:15
Hardly Strong Enough to Keep Dreaming
"I suppose there is someone I could talk to... but-- it would also mean admitting that I lied. And I don't think breaking trust would be a good thing. It was already really hard making friends with her," Walker said. Wyatt paused and thought of this for a moment. He didn’t have much experience with people, he wasn’t sure how Katrina’s friend would react, nor did he know what Walker meant by It was already really hard making friends with her, but he did his best to think of a good answer.
After a swallow, Wyatt began. “Well,” he said as he crossed his arms. “It would be much better to say something now than to wait and say it later, right? It’ll be much worse having to say you lied and didn’t say anything for a year than having to say you lied and didn’t say anything for a week.” That made sense in Wyatt’s mind, but even he knew he might not be taking either of the girl’s emotions into enough consideration. He didn’t know one of them and barely knew the other, so what was he supposed to do?
Wyatt wasn’t some robot, he had feelings, just none he showed. To put it simply, he didn’t have experience with dealing with the consequences of showing your emotions, though he knew it existed and wasn’t sure what to do. Still, he was confident in his answer and believed what he said to be true. What Wyatt had just barely noticed was Katrina struggling to keep her mouth shut. Right when she finished talking she looked as though she had something to say, but it couldn’t get out somehow.
There was the possibility she stopped herself, but why would she? At this point, Wyatt had more dirt on Walker than anyone else did. Even after she spilled her whole heart out onto the floor, what seemed to have been a little comment was being held back. Wyatt wasn’t one to judge people who had trouble expressing themselves though, so he decided to not mention it. If Walker really wanted to say something, it was extremely likely she’d find a way to say it. For such a quiet, timid girl, she was quite stubborn. Respectable.
@Katrina Walker
After a swallow, Wyatt began. “Well,” he said as he crossed his arms. “It would be much better to say something now than to wait and say it later, right? It’ll be much worse having to say you lied and didn’t say anything for a year than having to say you lied and didn’t say anything for a week.” That made sense in Wyatt’s mind, but even he knew he might not be taking either of the girl’s emotions into enough consideration. He didn’t know one of them and barely knew the other, so what was he supposed to do?
Wyatt wasn’t some robot, he had feelings, just none he showed. To put it simply, he didn’t have experience with dealing with the consequences of showing your emotions, though he knew it existed and wasn’t sure what to do. Still, he was confident in his answer and believed what he said to be true. What Wyatt had just barely noticed was Katrina struggling to keep her mouth shut. Right when she finished talking she looked as though she had something to say, but it couldn’t get out somehow.
There was the possibility she stopped herself, but why would she? At this point, Wyatt had more dirt on Walker than anyone else did. Even after she spilled her whole heart out onto the floor, what seemed to have been a little comment was being held back. Wyatt wasn’t one to judge people who had trouble expressing themselves though, so he decided to not mention it. If Walker really wanted to say something, it was extremely likely she’d find a way to say it. For such a quiet, timid girl, she was quite stubborn. Respectable.
@Katrina Walker
| “If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.” - Kurt Cobain. |
Sta: 15 | Eva: 20 | Str: 6 | Wis: 9 | Arc: 9 | Acc: 11 Parselmouth | Prodigal DADA | Fearless | Muggle Condition |