Folded Feelings PV Flash Finished

Now that finals had come to an end, summer vacation had a tentative start in the halls of Hogwarts. All of the schedules and habits that Flash had strived to memorize fell into bits and pieces, as certain parts of the castle were completely abandoned and the staff prepared for the event going on in London for the first few weeks of July. Flash had gone about his business in quiet reverence, packing his things and owling back and forth with his retainer on acquiring the specific for his own tent that he intended on setting up later for some solitude. It came as quite a shock when two letters had arrived rather than one on that morning. One from his retainer with some expected questions about his preferences, and another from… Ruka.

It was perhaps the last person he would ever expect to receive impromptu correspondence from, yet the letter had been dropped into his hand as though it were not something extremely out of place. Ruka wanted to meet him for breakfast, at the Slytherin table. The Great Hall was a great metric more abandoned in the morning than it would have been during the school year proper, but it was still a very public place. At least that was reassuring in some sense-- Ruka clearly wasn’t going to try and yell at him or attack him… though Ruka himself would probably get annoyed at Flash for thinking he had it in him to draw Flash out for an ambush. Was it… possibly… a good thing? Flash almost didn’t dare to hope for it, lest his heart be crushed under foot of destroyed expectations. He was trying to let go of all the pain he felt over the first year, trying to focus on himself. What was Ruka doing?

Flash needed only to quickly shower and change after his morning jog before going back down to the Great Hall. It was decently crowded, no doubt breakfast being when the greatest amount of students were still all hungry at the same time. Flash had worn something simple and gray-- nothing flashy. More and more, he found himself trying not to stand out, and retreating away from crowded places. He sat down at his table, a place he often didn’t dwell for long. It wasn’t a habit of his to eat there, so he hoped his presence wouldn’t draw the attention of any of the many people who would recognize him at that point. He was only waiting, a vague dread hanging over him, for the one person he could never make happy. The one he could never understand. Even then, he was clueless about what to expect. He knew there was no point in guessing.

When he did see Ruka’s approach, he was surprised all the same. He was… dressed nicely, his arms full of loose pieces of paper. Their gaze met briefly, but Flash ashamedly looked away at the connection. Flash was usually so in control, bold and confident, but no amount of time had fixed his feelings when looking at Ruka eye-to-eye. He was still afraid of him. Still in his periphery, Flash saw him falter for a moment before coming closer. Flash moved as though he meant to help him with the load, but quickly gave up before Ruka could make a snide comment about how unwanted his help was.

Ruka hastily made space on the table and thwopped the papers down unceremoniously, Flash looking at it with abject confusion. They needed to talk, he said, though Flash couldn’t profess to know what paper had to do with that. There were no quills and ink, so certainly he didn’t mean to write little letters to each other across the table… as precious as that image was. Instead, Ruka started to pour himself a drink before continuing his explanation. He looked nervous, though it was not an irrational state to be in considering the course their conversations usually took. Being closer however, Flash couldn’t help but notice how… clean he looked.

It was… calming, actually. When he showed up to the relay looking like a disaster, it had caused a great uneasiness in both Flash and Burnett. Ruka didn’t seem to care much about being put together, or taking care of himself, and Flash didn’t know whether to expect he ever would. As he was then, it seemed he had tried, which was a relief. The way that day ended, it was hard to tell if he would spiral into depression and self-destructive behavior, and Flash knew there was nothing he could do to stop it. Perhaps Burnett had said something. Or… perhaps Ruka had actually done it for himself. It couldn’t be that… he did it for Flash… that was impossible.

But setting a meeting, looking presentable… it was all Ruka’s doing. Flash could almost think it was a mockery of Flash’s own style of engagement, but if it were, Ruka would have certainly been acting more smug. He wasn’t the type to be subtle. Even his beautiful pendant was on display, as if everything was out in the open. They needed to talk… not like they usually did… just talk. Flash had to prepare himself, taking a big breath through his nose. Talk… normally. Would he be able to manage that? Ruka explained the paper, giving Flash a piece of paper he easily recognized. It was the origami instructions that Miss Nico had made for the students for an errand she had run back in May. Ruka seemed to intend to use them to focus on while they talked, to calm him down. Reasonable. Flash was more than willing to comply, he picked up one of the pieces of paper to feel between his fingers. Ruka began to place even more instructions around him, he clearly enjoyed the activity if he had them all saved.

”Alright.” Flash’s voice was quiet and brief.

He still felt anxious, but the parameters were agreeable. It wasn’t a stressful situation, there were no deadlines or responsibilities to address, just folding paper and talking. Like normal people. The ‘stories’ that Flash wanted to know about Ruka weren’t necessarily light, fun topics. He wondered what tone Ruka was expecting to set. Was this a serious discussion, or a light one?

”Was there a topic you had in mind?” An exploratory question, one that would save Flash from wondering what subject material was available to be deliberated on.

Flash took the paper in his hand and gingerly started making the first folds, not needing to look at the instructions for the one he intended to make. Careful, deliberate, and precise.

Outfit:

Reducio

@Ruka Tân

@Flash Holmwood

If the entire situation wasn't enough to make Ruka feel out of place, Flash's grey in grey outfit certainly did the job of making him feel severely overdressed, but maybe it was merely a representation of where they stood with each other at the moment. Flash had done his fair share of trying to impress every which way he could seemingly think of; It was Ruka's turn now to step out of his comfort zone, to put in effort where he had put nothing but distrust and malice before.

At least the Slytherin had shown up, something he could have easily avoided, would have been justified to do so after the way their last encounter had gone, after all of Ruka's pushing and pulling in all the wrong directions, all the tears and false accusations. There was hope still then, maybe, for them to make amends, build some bridges across the craters Ruka had made sure to create between them.

Unsure of what to expect, Ruka had made sure to directly look at Flash as little as possible without seeming outright rude in his disregard for eye contact. Maybe it was a way to spare himself of whatever he might find in the other boy's face, the disgust, the animosity, regret, disinterest, hatred perhaps. There were so many things Flash was justified to feel about him and none of them made Ruka's head and heart any lighter. Surely there was not much positive left to associate with him after the way he'd treated Flash over and over again, was there?

Still, the Slytherin took the paper he was handed without much reluctance, which was a good sign. They could do this, could have a conversation without ending in one of them breaking down at the end of it. Maybe it wasn't going to be perfect, but it was a start, hopefully in the right direction this time.

"Alright," he repeated, a small smile conveying a spark of hope flooding through him. For all the things he had done wrong, maybe he was finally starting to do something right.

Watching as Flash took even more of the instructions, he could feel himself fidgeting with something like excitement, a spark of pride in his own efforts lighting up his eyes if only for a moment. He wasn't sure where exactly he wanted this encounter to go, but after Jack's miserable, admittedly horribly badly thought through attempt at getting them to talk, Ruka thought that maybe they would go further if he was the one to do the first step rather than him feeling intruded on by others stepping towards him.

The question of whether he had a topic in mind made Ruka really lock his eyes with Flash's for the first time since he had sat down, hope, fear and anxiety dancing in his irises like fire. "I'm not good at talking," he admitted, sheepishly rubbing a hand across his face as if to hide away from that admission. "Not like this. Normally." A small laugh accompanied his words as he reached for one of the instruction papers, one that had not been part of the errand Nico had set up the month prior, but rather one that had come out of the book she had so generously let him see when he had asked for more instructions.

The second he started to fold the first few edges of the white paper he had chosen for this particular project, his head seemed to stop spinning, his nerves calming down. Yes, this had been a good idea.

"I was just hoping to... To get to know more about you. Where you come from. Who you are. I thought maybe you'd be interested in knowing the same things about me." He looked up from his paper for a moment to see Flash already engaged in his own folding, seemingly disregarding the instructions in favour of something he already knew. Ruka momentarily found himself wondering if maybe Flash found as much joy in paper folding as he did but decided to leave those types of questions for when they had covered the more serious things. Shallow conversation, in Ruka's eyes, was for people who had already touched the depths of each other's scars.

"We don't... know much about each other, do we?" A chuckle, a blush creeping into his cheeks, a deep breath were all signs of how much it took out of him to try and engage in this conversation, how difficult it was for him to socialise. It had to be so obvious that Ruka didn't normally talk to people at all, it was downright embarrassing. At least in front of Flash who was so put together whenever he saw him, so eloquent unless he was trying to counter Ruka's words stinging at him like the sharp edge of a knife. "I was hoping we could change that. I want to know more about you and I..." He took a deep breath as he turned his focus back to his paper foldings like he was scared of Flash's reaction to his words. "I was hoping you might still want to know more about me too."

The way Ruka spoke, steady but unsure, and the way he smiled… it wasn’t at all the person he had grown to know. Yet still… he was, it was just… different. Did he look… happy? Had Flash ever seen Ruka make a face like that? What was this side of him all of the sudden, was he supposed to accept that this was normal? Well, perhaps it was. More than a moment of thought started to unravel the purpose that Ruka was getting at, as messily as he was introducing the idea. He wanted to try to stop the miscommunication at its source: the fact that they knew nothing about one another. It was… a very intelligent solution, though perhaps it hadn’t dawned on either of them until recently just how much they had hurt one another.

And for what? Better to just resolve the confusion right away.

The moment after Flash had asked his question, Ruka looked directly at him, once again having a commanding draw that Flash’s gaze couldn’t resist. Like the sound of someone screaming. But instead of meeting ichorous wells of disgust, he saw… nervous anticipation? Flash couldn’t help but feel a sudden rush of bashfulness, as though it were something he wasn’t supposed to see. Even though he was momentarily a bit lightheaded, Flash could manage the feeling he was getting a bit better now. He knew to just not give it any attention, to distract himself and pretend it hadn’t happened.

Ruka said he was no good at talking normally, starting an origami figure of his own as he continued. Flash was thankful for the excuse to get back to his, dropping his eyes to the paper in his hand, carefully measuring where best to apply the next fold. Ruka wanted to know more about him, who he was. His folding stalled, as his heart skipped a beat. Did he really, or did he just feel guilty? Flash didn’t want to get batted around any longer, but… was that what this was? Things had changed, Flash was going to need to re-examine everything.

Flash resumed his folding, taking his time. Ruka said he wanted to know Flash, but was it just… Burnett pushing him to? Did he make Ruka do this, was that why he was acting so… shy? Was he doing this against his will? When Flash looked out of the corner of his eye, Ruka seemed to be red in the face as he said he hoped Flash was interested in knowing more about him too. It seemed so… honest. It was Flash’s turn to speak, so he decided to take Ruka’s words at face value. It seemed like the intention was in good faith.

”I do.” Flash’s voice wasn’t particularly cold, but it didn’t have any song to it either. ”Burnett said you lived on the streets. What does that mean… and your…”

Flash nearly brought up the scars right away, but he didn’t want to ask too many questions all at once. He had a sneaking suspicion that Ruka might have wanted Flash to answer about himself first, but it simply wasn’t how Flash wanted the conversation to go. It wasn't too dissimilar to his conversation with Miss Persephone, where he wanted to see exactly how much information about himself was ‘an equal exchange’. At least, Ruka’s interpretation of ‘equal’. It was best that Flash lay out his intention, if they were going to be ‘honest’.

”Your scars, from your childhood. What was it like?” It hadn’t taken long for Flash to trace the steps of the origami he had learned that day, setting his folded unicorn atop the pile of paper like it had climbed to the top to graze. ”Be as detailed as you would have me be in my answers to you.”

He hoped it was a simple request, that Ruka wouldn’t pick it apart.

@Ruka Tân

@Flash Holmwood

Despite his own nervous babbling, Ruka found that things were going about as well as he could have expected them to. There was still some tension hanging in the air between them, an air of distrust maybe, but it was tentative, as if unsure whether it was supposed to be there at all. All in all, Ruka thought it was about the best conditions they had ever found themselves in during any of their past encounters.

It didn't take long at all for Flash to make his own interest in Ruka's story known, an immediate question following his confirmation, which was only kind of unexpected. The Gryffindor had been under no illusion that Flash would volunteer any information about himself without demanding the same of him in exchange. A story for a story. Ruka could deal with that, he knew how that worked and he wasn't going to disappoint once again by stubbornly refusing to comply. What did he have to lose, now that most everything felt like it was lost anyway?

It was the sound of Jack's name that made him tense a little, a small trace of discomfort seeping into his expression. Another person he'd messed up with, had been avoiding since the day of the race. He had the intention to reach out to him as well, to explain himself; He just needed to figure out the right way to approach things. Making amends was not something Ruka had ever found himself doing and it was harder than he could have ever imagined.

"I didn't, uh..." he started in response to Flash's question, interrupting himself to take a deep breath. This wasn't a topic he liked to indulge in most of the time, out of fear of reliving it maybe, out of disgust for the expression of pity it tended to get him in return. He was hopeful, however, judging by Flash's relatively empty tone, that the Slytherin would spare him any false sentiments. It wasn't like he hadn't expected having to talk about himself anyway, so he was prepared, at least as much as he could be.

The request for him to be as detailed as he would have liked for Flash to be in his answers met a small smile as he looked up once again to watch the Slytherin perch his finished origami product on top of the paper pile, a carefully crafted unicorn, unlike any of the ordinary paper animals Ruka had been making himself over the past month. It immediately peaked his interest, but it wasn't his turn to ask questions just yet.

"It means exactly what it sounds like," he answered vaguely as he finished up the last fold of his own origami, smiling bashfully as he sat it down next to Flash's unicorn; A white dove, bringer of peace, hopefully a symbol for the harmony they were striving for between them. "My dad used to work at the circus, I guess. They didn't want him anymore when my... When my mum left me with him and he had to take care of me, but he didn't have anywhere else to stay, didn't really have any money either, so..." He took a deep breath as he carefully pulled another piece of paper from the bottom of the pile as to not disturb the origami animals on top.

"So I grew up on the streets. On fields, in forests, anywhere but in a house, really." He laughed as if it was a fun way to spend your childhood somehow, and while Ruka couldn't say he had been particularly unhappy growing up, he knew that things could have and should have been better. Easier. "My dad..." He swallowed heavily, shaking his head to himself as he suppressed the urge to cry. He wasn't going to let himself get carried away by his emotions like that again, not this time. "Uh, he passed away last summer. Buried him myself." He looked up from his blank, unfolded paper for a moment to see Flash's reaction to the new information. "Good thing I know how to survive by myself." He offered a weak smile, a tiny shrug. What else was there to say about his circumstances, really?

Reaching for his pumpkin juice, Ruka took a sip as if he needed to oil up his vocal cords to continue his story, an elaboration on his childhood, the scars Flash seemed to want to get to know, the memories they held.

"He taught me different kinds of street performance, my dad," he said as he carefully laid his arms atop the table, bare of any cloth hiding his scars, marked and branded skin revealed by the short sleeves of his shirt. "Mostly with fire," he added as if to explain. His right hand moved to trace the marred skin of his left arm, brushing across the various scars he could find there to stop at a large one under his elbow. "Was bitten by a dog here," he explained with a little laugh as if it was a fond memory somehow. "Must have been around six, maybe? Stupid, really, I wanted to pet the hungry, scared stray. Should've known better than anybody that cornered dogs bite." He chuckled before moving on, tracing more of the burn scars down to his wrists. "Most of these are from practicing fire dance routines. Worth it, really. A day of performing on busy streets brought in enough money to have something halfway sustainable for dinner for both of us. Sometimes..." He stopped himself, shaking his head as he released a small laugh.

These weren't things he talked about much, memories he treasured but saying them out loud almost made him feel sad to admit that they were some of the happiest he had.

"Sometimes it'd be enough for my dad to get me some ice cream." His voice went quiet as he continued, a furious blush darkening his cheeks. How ridiculous did he have to sound to Flash with all his clean cut clothes, his fancy running shoes, his impeccable sense of style. Ice cream was probably not something he had ever needed to worry about getting if he wanted it, was most likely nothing special to most people, but a spark in Ruka's eyes would tell exactly how valued a memory those days were.

Looking down at the still unfolded paper, Ruka frowned a little as he struggled to come up with another shape he wanted to try his hands on. "What's your favourite animal?" he asked, out of the blue maybe, but if they were already getting to know each other, what was the harm in asking a lighthearted question here and there? "Maybe I got some instructions for that too. Nico gave me a bunch from her book..." He hummed thoughtfully as he waited for Flash to respond, would start looking for the appropriate instructions should he receive an answer before continuing with his initial response to Flash's question.

"Anyway, they're..." He let his gaze drift from Flash's face to his own scars and back again for a moment. "We didn't have much. Some old clothes, a couple of blankets... My dad had a couple of books he'd read from to me. Not children's books, mind you, I didn't understand most of the stories, but on bad days it was better than reality anyway." He laughed lightly, moving a hand up to run through his own hair. A mistake maybe, as it messed with his carefully adjusted hairdo, but he wasn't used to having to be careful with his appearance, so the thought didn't cross his mind before it was already too late. "It could have still been worse," he added quickly as if to justify his upbringing somehow. "My dad did his best with what he had. Don't assume he ever expected to have a baby dropped outside his tent without any explanation, so he wasn't prepared... He still did what he could." A small shrug, a sad smile were all he had to add to that before his expression brightened again once his mind was able to move on, eyes finding Flash's once again.

"Was there anything else you wanted to know?" he asked, nervousness tinting his voice as he waited to see if his story had been sufficient to Flash, if it had been what he'd expected to hear. He didn't feel like he had any right to ask questions himself yet before making sure all of the other boy's were appropriately answered. "You can ask me anything, really. As long as you'll allow me to ask you anything in return, I guess."

A small fraction of relief calmed Flash’s heart when Ruka began to talk more. He placed a white bird on top of the stack with the unicorn. White bird… was it intentional? Ruka paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, while Flash couldn’t help but find it funny that the stack had started to collect their creations. Before long it would be difficult to grab any new pieces. Flash made sure to take a few papers out of the stack and put them aside, grabbing a blue piece for himself. He knew how to make birds too, though the one he knew was more simple than Ruka’s. Flash decided to play with the concept and see if he couldn’t come up with something different.

Ruka began to explain. As much as he might have thought ‘on the streets’ was self-explanatory, it certainly was not. Flash couldn’t be certain without more research, but couldn’t Ruka’s father have found some assistance? Didn’t anyone in Ireland make a child protection and welfare report when they saw him? Or… had Ruka’s father been too prideful to ask for help? Was there a reason he might have been denied, or had he become a statistic that the country couldn’t handle? Flash mind drifted to a charity ball his mother held once for homelessness, and what exactly the money they collected had gone towards. If he asked Marius, she might actually be able to give him the numbers, if she could deign to do as much just to sate Flash’s curiosity. She probably had distributed the money in a thoughtful way, right? ‘Rightly,’ as she always echoed?

Well, there could have been any number of reasons that Ruka’s father didn’t take him to a Garda station. Whether it was right or wrong, he would have to hold judgement until he knew more. His creative work not having gone anywhere, yet having led to a new idea, Flash discarded the strangely folded paper and picked up another to try again.

Then, given what Ruka said next, he felt like it hardly mattered. He was dead. Ruka… buried him. Flash tried to concentrate on the experimental folding he was doing, but it was as though his eyes saw nothing. Whether he realized it about himself or not, he was an extremely empathetic person, to his detriment. When Ruka said he buried his father, he imagined it… vividly. Did he have a shovel, or did he have to improvise? Did he dig the hole deep enough, or did he have to stop once his strength gave out? Was his father’s body there the whole time, had he become used to the mask of death he wore before he covered it in dirt?

His thoughts didn’t stop there, they ran wild. It was a horror. Not just that, but Ruka’s whole life had been a misrepresentation of humanity, or… no, perhaps that explained everything. It was the worst kind of representation possible, being treated like a subhuman, like trash that was dirtying the sidewalk. When people thought they had nothing to lose by treating you badly… it could get ugly.

Flash stared at the paper in his hands with wide eyes, not all there. Reluctantly, he continued to fold, though that attempt was also going nowhere. He tried combining two pieces to see if it would give him the creative freedom to make something new.

Ruka had only paused for a moment to take a drink, then he continued, a bit lighter. His fire dancing was a skill his father taught him to earn money. A dog bite when he was a toddler. No food. Supposedly this was what Flash was supposed to expect when he heard ‘lived on the streets’. How typical was Ruka’s experience, really? Hadn’t his father… been irresponsible? Wouldn’t it have been better for Ruka in an orphanage, a foster home… maybe they weren’t always great, but how often did those children have to bury their own father? Something told Flash that Ruka wouldn’t agree.

Ruka’s voice became quieter when he talked about the days when his father bought him ice cream. Flash looked up to see if he might have been in pain, but instead he was red in the face. Was he embarrassed? Of all the things to be... Wasn’t Flash the one who should feel ashamed, for having far more beyond his means? He was taught to be humble, to give freely, but wasn’t he still living in luxury? Ice cream… he didn’t even like it. If he had been given some, he probably would have thrown it in the trash.

Flash’s fresh stream of guilty thoughts was interrupted by Ruka asking him a direct, sudden question. Animal… was it about the origami? Being a bit taken off guard, Flash looked up from his work with a blush of his own. It should have been an easy question to answer, but Flash didn’t really like animals that much. He had a stock answer for when people would ask him growing up, a popular question indeed.

”I like… cats.” Flash’s voice was no longer enunciated and plain. In its dormancy, it had grown soft.

Ruka briefly looked up at Flash, giving him the que to quickly get back to his folding, perhaps a bit too quickly. Ruka started to finish up his description of his home life, if it could be called that, talking about nighttime stories and how it could have been worse. Ruka’s laughter felt empty, the nervous laughter one hears when someone knows they are saying something awkward. Diminishing his hardship by comparing it to even worse scenarios didn’t make any sense anyway, it was an attempt to make the conversation more light. Maybe it would have worked on someone else, but in Flash’s case, it might as well have just been running in place.

He wouldn’t buy it, Ruka’s childhood had been tragic. Even if there were things he enjoyed, things he wouldn’t exchange for anything, it was still a tragedy. It wasn’t as though it was the end of the story, though, Ruka was still young. He didn’t have to be defined by the life his father chose for him. Well… Flash could say that, but that life was everything to Ruka. He said as much, and Flash promised to learn to love those scars. He couldn’t look away now that he knew how ugly they were. It could still be beautiful… somehow. He still had to figure that part out. For now he was just going off Ruka's word.

Flash was too caught up in his own mind to be consciously aware of his surroundings, which was why he was caught off guard once again, upsettingly, an even more disgraceful redness to his face when he realized what Ruka was asking. I’m supposed to talk about myself… after that? How could he, without dying on the spot from shame? He could stall, ask more prying questions, but the more he heard, the more he would have to talk. He got himself into this mess. Perhaps he thought he needed to do it in order to get Ruka to say anything, but that hadn’t been the case at all. Ruka was being… completely open. It was only fair that Flash did the same.

”I… I might. It’s a lot to think about.” Even though Ruka looked at him, he tried to resist, his ears burning with the ghost of his gaze. He couldn’t be more glad that no one was sitting next to them. ”This summer… will be your first…”

Flash didn’t even want to say it. The first without his father, the first underneath a roof. It was a stupid thing to bring up, it wasn’t as if it was news to Ruka.

”Are you looking forward to it… or are you worried?”

While one’s first instinct would be to think Ruka would be overjoyed at the prospect of having a house and a family to spend his time with, rather than struggling to survive on his own, wasn’t it the only thing Ruka had ever known? The unknown was frightening no matter what form it took. At least for Flash it was, perhaps Ruka was beyond that.

Either way, Flash wasn’t looking forward to the ball rolling into his court. It was easy for Flash to accept and listen to Ruka’s story, it wasn’t as though he had to live through it. Wasn’t it possible that hearing about Flash’s life might change everything about how he saw him? Might hurt him? After all the times Ruka saw Flash breaking apart, wouldn’t it just seem all the more ridiculous and unearned?

What pain had Flash really ever endured in his life? Didn’t he still owe so much more?

Flash placed the experiment up with the other figures. It looked like a bird, so mission successful.

Reducio

@Ruka Tân

@Flash Holmwood

Ruka wasn't sure exactly what kind of reaction he was supposed to expect from Flash upon having his whole life story tossed on him but watching the Slytherin's face every now and again was unlike what he was used to seeing whenever he'd given other people a glimpse into his upbringing before. It was like Flash was lost in his own thoughts, barely at the table anymore, his body nothing but a shell as his thoughts travelled the widths of Ruka's story, possibly to explore every last crevice of it.

It was only when Ruka asked about Flash's favourite animal that the Slytherin seemed to snap back into the present, his answer coming a beat too late, his voice softer than it had been before as if resting it for the duration of Ruka's story had warmed it up a little. Cats. A standard answer, not exactly what the Gryffindor had expected to hear from someone as complex as Flash appeared to be. Either way, Ruka decided not to question it for the moment; They had agreed to talk without tearing each other's essence apart, and he intended to keep to that, even if it was just about something as simple as one's favourite animal.

No, instead of questioning it, Ruka copied Flash's idea of pulling a few papers of different colours from the stack before it could get too loaded with their origami zoo, and took a black piece to start his new project with. It would be complementary too, white dove, black cat. Yin and Yang, a perfect balance, more representation of harmony, maybe. He liked that thought.

As his own story came to a close, Ruka kept his focus on the paper in front of him for a few agonising seconds before he looked back up at Flash, a small smile on his lips to try and keep things light despite the severity of the topic he had just covered. It surprised him to see Flash's own face tinted in a reddish hue, something like embarrassment written across his skin for reasons unknown to Ruka. Had all this information made him uncomfortable? That couldn't be it, could it? Flash had asked for him to be detailed, had said he wanted to know.

The Slytherin's words came out sounding tentative, careful, like he wasn't completely sure how to respond but wasn't comfortable remaining in silence either. Ruka could feel a rush of sympathy washing over him; It had been a lot to take in, a lot of information he had never just so fully dumped on someone all at once, if at all. He couldn't begrudge Flash for struggling to find words warranted by the situation.

Nodding his understanding, Ruka smoothed out the last fold of his origami cat before placing it next to the two-coloured bird Flash had created, and he couldn't help but let an excited grin light up his face at the sight of their creations. Maybe this was what those errands were trying to promote when they advertised blatant child labour as bonding activities; Getting over one's differences by engaging in something with a shared goal. Despite all the flaws and bumps in their relationship, they were doing something together, creating something. Ruka had to admit that it felt good to see that they were capable of that.

"Hm?" he hummed as Flash's next question pulled him from his thoughts again, and it took him a moment to realise what he was talking about. Almost immediately his face fell, his smile turning into a frown, his body responding to the question with a reluctant shiver. It was a loaded question, and by the way Flash had asked it he seemed to be aware of it too. Could Flash possibly understand the dread Ruka was feeling each time he thought about spending his summer with the Burnett family? Was he aware of the fear keeping him up at night sometimes?

"I, uh..." he started, eyes cast down, fingers fumbling nervously with an empty, unfolded piece of paper. He wanted to lie, put on a fake smile and tell Flash all about how excited he was, but Ruka wasn't a liar, and this whole encounter had been about opening up to each other, so he was going to lead by example. Any questions Flash asked, Ruka would do his best to answer them as honestly as he could.

"I'm terrified," he admitted quietly, lifting a hand to rub it across his face as if to hide away behind it. "I'm... I should be happy." He chuckled humourlessly, a hollow sound that wouldn't fool anybody, especially not Flash. "And I am but..." Shaking his head to himself, Ruka dropped his hand again, eyes looking to meet Flash's gaze as if hopeful that he might find some sort of comfort in it.

Complete honesty had never felt quite so difficult before.

"I'm scared they won't like me," he said, fingers tensely curling into his palm for a second. "I'm scared Jack doesn't want me there anymore, or might get sick of me after a week or so. I still haven't even talked to him since... You know.." He let out a laugh at that, making fun of how pathetic he was. Hadn't he let his own thoughts and insecurities get the better of him back at the race, hadn't that been the cause of the problem? If he had just stopped to think about things more rationally, if he had only taken a few deep breaths before spiralling into this well of self-pity...

Well, no use to dwell on things he couldn't change anymore. He was here and trying to fix things step by step. Figuring out where exactly Jack's head was at, if he even cared much about the situation at all, was the next step. He'd get to it.

"When you have nothing... You don't worry much about losing anything," he explained, hoping that it may be enough to give Flash a bit of insight to the mess in his head. The reason he had been overreacting as much when he felt like Flash was trying to cut Jack from Ruka's life. "I try not to... Not to get attached too much to anything or anybody but... When I do I have a hard time letting go." He chuckled but the sound was sad, like a substitute for the tears he wouldn't allow himself to cry. "I don't want to think about it this way but... I feel like I'm going into the summer just to get attached to more things I might lose again and there's... There's nothing I can do about it." He let his gaze drift to his fingers as they tapped a quick One, two, three against the table top before curling into his palm as if to keep from continuing their bad habit. "I'm just so tired of losing things."

"I must sound pathetic," he mused quietly, looking back up again to offer Flash a weak little smile. "You must think I'm an idiot for how I acted... Last time we saw each other. You'd be justified to think so." Shaking his head, Ruka reached for the pendant dangling from his neck, squeezing it as if to drain it for strength and comfort. "I messed up. With both of you." A heavy sigh left his lips, eyes glistening with heavy emotion. He'd gone much further than just answering Flash's question, but he felt like this was where his response was supposed to go. "I can't apologise enough for that."

Reducio

Flash admired the cat that Ruka put up with their growing ensemble. It was a cute design, origami was a lot more interesting than he might have first given it credit for. He usually saw errands as an opportunity to earn points or spending money, and secondarily used them to get closer to people. It was useful as a setting, and their ability to do something besides just talk was comforting for a lot of people. Flash himself could sit down and have a discussion all day without any distractions, though with Ruka it was very different. Was he the same way for other people, did he need settings because otherwise he would be too intense? Flash took the opportunity to shuffle through a few of the papers he had collected to see what other interesting shapes there were.

Then, after Flash had asked his follow-up question, Ruka’s pleasant smile vanished. Flash always seemed to ask one question too many. He said he was terrified, and that he thought they wouldn’t like him. He couldn’t seem to stand still, the question having hit a fresh nerve. It didn’t come as much of a surprise to Flash, such a dramatic change seemed like a natural source of stress, though he hadn’t expected to be quite as on the money as he had been. Shaking his head, casting his eyes down, Flash watched this side of Ruka carefully.

Ruka looked back up at Flash, where he would find a concentrated look, his eyebrow raising under the scrutiny of Ruka’s sorrowful gaze. Was he looking for some kind of absolution? Flash certainly didn’t agree that he should feel happy. If he had learned anything that year, it was that emotions did as they wanted without your permission. Adding extra guilt to them only made it harder. Though… would Flash have suggested Ruka just ignore them, or carve them out? Perhaps he wasn’t one to speak.

He started to describe his anxieties, about Burnett and himself. Quite honestly, Flash was shocked. He hadn’t considered that Ruka felt that way at all, though admittedly he had not known how deprived his life had been up until then… about his father. It seemed clear enough from the outside that Burnett was extremely attached, enough so that it made his claim of having no friends seem like a joke.

But there was something else too… he hadn’t talked to Burnett since then… which meant Ruka had come to Flash first, completely of his own accord. Somehow, that was also embarrassing, but in a way that didn’t feel completely bad. Flash wondered how often he was the first on anyone’s list when it came to anything besides needing someone to do something for them.

Ruka’s explanation was interesting, thoroughly explained with impressive clarity. It seemed Ruka was just as capable of tearing through his own insecurities as he was others, though it was likely that he had no incentive to until then. After all… wasn’t he far more concerned with having shelter and food than he was about having an agreeable personality? He could certainly do without Ruka’s nervous laughter, it was an automatic defense he seemed to have for whenever he said something uncomfortable. It was starting to become one of Flash’s most disliked sounds.

With Flash’s penchant for quietly and carefully listening, he often found himself allowing his counterpart to run on under the impression that they needed to. In this case, Ruka began to assume Flash thought he was pathetic, eliciting a grimace from the scion, which Ruka unfortunately saw, choosing that moment to look up again. He was talking about the race, saying he messed up. It had felt like an issue of miscommunication rather than being one person’s fault, though he couldn’t help but remember how Burnett had called Ruka a ‘brat’. Was Flash incapable of blaming other people for when things went badly? Perhaps Ruka had been a little bit foolish, but they all had a part in it.

”I wouldn’t shoulder all the blame yourself. Though whether you do or not, I don’t think you’re an idiot.” Flash finally spoke up, continuing the trend of speaking gently. He hadn’t even picked the next animal he wanted to make, he had been too taken in by Ruka’s words. ”Instead, it is starting to look more clear in hindsight. It isn’t odd that you would feel that way.”

Flash could speak easily so long as it was about someone else. He could understand, put himself in their shoes. Ruka had a bit of a masochistic approach to relationships, but it had been earned through peoples’ treatment of him. Becoming used to losing things wouldn’t have just been a useful skill, it was likely mandatory just to keep his sanity. It was no surprise that he imagined friends being the same way-- here one day and gone the next.

”As for Burnett, there isn’t much you can do besides trust him. It may be frightening at first, but if you never trust anyone, you’re going to miss out. People need each other.” Flash didn’t want to tell Ruka what to do, but he would feel weird all day if he didn’t say what was on his mind. ”That’s what trust is… believing in something even though it could be taken away. If you were going to try to trust anyone, it would be him, wouldn’t it? Has he not earned it by now?”

Flash didn’t actually know. He knew Burnett gave him that pendant he was clutching onto for dear life, how he gave him new clothes and a place to live. Ruka himself had given him unending praise, even when his heart was breaking in his absence. Flash would know, he had tried to use Ruka’s lowest moment to turn him against Burnett, and was practically laughed off for his attempt.

But, wait, hadn’t Ruka continued to be very open and descriptive when answering Flash’s questions? What were the chances he would… just forget to ask any questions of his own? Perhaps he didn’t ‘want to know’ as much as he thought he did and would be happy just talking about himself and his life. Flash would certainly enjoy that much, much more. Should he dare to ask more? Was it working to get the attention off him, or was he just digging the hole deeper?

”That pendant is a locket, isn’t it? May I ask what’s inside?”

@Ruka Tân

@Flash Holmwood

Ruka watched, with a small smile on his face, as Flash looked through some of the instructions, possibly searching for yet another design to try his hands on. He inwardly gave himself a pat on the shoulder for his idea once again; He could almost say that this was kind of fun, despite the topics they were covering.

It was only once matters turned to his summer situation that Ruka felt his grip on the positives he had drawn from their encounter so far loosening, his whole body vibrating with the need to avoid the conversation.

He didn‘t.

Despite the way his fingers kept curling and uncurling, his gaze kept dropping to nothing in particular, he still did his best to catch Flash‘s eyes whenever he felt capable to do so, to answer as honestly and openly as he possibly could. If getting to know each other was the point then it would have been absurdly counterproductive to give Flash any reason to be closed off and dishonest in his answers once it would be his turn to answer questions.

In a way, Ruka had to admit, it even felt kind of good to be speaking his worries out loud like this, even if Flash‘s ever changing expressions made him worry nonsensically about what was going through the other boy‘s mind as he listened. When exactly had Ruka started caring this much about what people thought of him? When exactly had he become this caged in his own head by other people‘s opinions?

„I don‘t understand it,“ he said bluntly as a response to Flash‘s words, eyes firmly locked with the other boy‘s for at least a moment as he questioningly tilted his head to the side. „I don‘t understand how you could work so hard to make sure you alleviate others of any blame but then accept it yourself without any argument whenever you see just the slightest reason to do so. Why would you do that?“ It was maybe the first of many questions Ruka had burning at the tip of his tongue, definitely one of the ones he was most interested in hearing the answer to. What had turned Flash into the kind of person who would rather stand and burn in the flames than watch others suffer a tiny scalding?

Staring down at the papers for a moment, Ruka decided on a new colour to use, readying it between his fingers before starting a folding pattern he had grown quite familiar with over the past month and didn’t necessarily need any instructions for. As understanding as Flash’s words were, as gentle as his voice sounded, Ruka felt like he didn’t deserve as much consideration, couldn’t help the thought that he’d been the catalyst for how out of balance everything had become at the race. “You don’t deserve blame more than anybody else, you know?” A small smile tugged on his lips as he looked at Flash, a sincere one this time, a genuine sentiment meant to make the other boy see a little more of his own worth. Not that that had ever gone well before, but maybe everything had shifted enough for it to be well received this time.

Green eyes flickered with creeping anxiety as Flash continued with his own observations of Jack and his definition of trust, a concept Ruka couldn’t argue about having difficulties with. Wasn’t the only person you could really trust yourself? How was he supposed to trust someone not to just slip away when there were so many things, outside factors to be considered in it? Wasn't it also dependant on oneself whether someone would stick around or not?

How could anybody just blindly trust in all of that when you couldn't even trust most people to return a borrowed pencil after class?

"I know he cares about me," he said quietly, ceasing his folding to instead stare blankly at a spot next to Flash's left shoulder, irises drained of colour within the depths of his thoughts. How was he supposed to explain his worries accurately without sounding like a brat once again?

Taking a deep breath, Ruka finally settled on an approach.

"My dad's been ill for years," he said, hopeful that Flash would just go with the seemingly random change of topic rather than question it too much. "When things got really bad I... I begged him to get help. I cried and yelled and screamed at him for days to let me help him find someone who'd be willing to take care of him without needing immediate payment or documents, but he refused. Said he had handled things himself all his life and he wasn't going to stop in his final days." A wave of anger rolled over him, a shiver running down his spine as his hands balled into fists for a moment. His stare remained blank and unfocused. "At the ball... I asked Jack to leave with me. Begged him. Get away from danger, make sure he couldn't get hurt more than he already had been, but he didn't. He went back for you."

For a moment, Ruka's gaze settled on Flash's face again, searching it for any sign of what the other boy was thinking about.

"For my dad, his pride was more important to him than I was. For Jack, you were." Where his expression had been blank before, a sad smile warmed his features again, green eyes shimmering with untried tears. "I thought... For the first time... That I'd found someone who cared about me as much as I cared about them, but I was wrong." Slightly shaky hands found their way back to the paper they had been folding before, smoothing out some of the edges. "What do you trust once you realise you have absolutely no control over the one thing you thought was a fixed point in your life?" Gently he shook his head to himself. "All you can really know for sure is that nothing is certain. There is no stability in life, it's nothing but an illusion."

With a little sigh, Ruka managed to bring some light back into his smile thought it barely reached his eyes. "Do you trust him?" he asked, genuine curiosity lighting up his face, a little frown emphasising the question.

As he waited for an answer, Ruka returned his focus back to his origami project, hands a little more steady this time around as he worked on his last few folds until he was able to add a carefully crafted paper fox to their collection. Only then did he hum in response to Flash's newest question, fingers tracing the pendant around his neck for a moment. With some reluctance, Ruka slowly took the necklace off, putting it down on the table between them before lightly pushing the centre of the pendant to open it. Inside, impeccably taken care of, was the picture of Jon Tân with his son, both of them smiling brightly, sharing the same red hair, the same glee for their performance art, the same ash and charcoal stains on their dirty faces.

Ruka's heart stung a little at the sight of it.

"The only picture I have of my dad," he whispered, deciding to watch Flash's face instead of the picture for the moment to avoid feeling too sentimental. "I couldn't stop looking at the picture after I found it. Messed with my head." He made a vague gesture next to his forehead as if it explained anything at all. "I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't focus... Jack got me the locket so I could keep the picture with me without being tempted to stare at it all day." A small smile lit up his face at the memory, the recollection of the gratitude he'd felt towards Jack for getting it for him, not for the fact that it had to have been an extremely expensive piece of jewellery, not even for the chance to keep his picture safe and sound inside the locket, but for how much thought he had put into this surprise, how thoughtful it had been to Ruka's needs and worries and problems.

That was before Flash had come into play and his needs had suddenly and without warning grown more important than Ruka's. He didn't say that out loud, of course. Not every spiteful thought needed to be voiced.

Leaving the locket bare on the table between them, Ruka lifted his hands to rub them across his face, sighing heavily. "I don't look at it as much anymore these days," he explained, leaning back a little as he folded his hands in front of him on the table. "It's not my memory anyway. Some tourist took it and gave it to us a few years back. I'm grateful to have it but... It's not a replacement and it can't bring him back, no matter how much I look at it, so..." A little shrug concluded that thought, eyes focusing on Flash's blue ones again. "If that's all your questions answered?" He voiced it as a question but his voice betrayed that he was slowly growing exhausted with the weight of his own life on his shoulders.

"What about you, then? Do you get along with your family?"

Flash was put into the hot seat for a brief moment, Ruka having asked a question not dissimilar to the kind of pointed prying he had used in the past. This time, though, he wasn’t attacking Flash, it was within the parameters they had set up, a simple question. Why did he take the blame so often… and so easily. Flash wasn’t sure he had an answer. He slid the papers in his hands back and forth, feeling the satisfying abrasion of paper against paper vibrating through his fingertips. He picked out one of the instructions and put it on top of the sheets to use as reference.

”I can’t say I’ve thought very long and hard about it.” Flash’s initial answer was a bit sardonic, but when voiced, it sounded sad. ”If I had to guess… I think it might just be… easier that way. So long as someone takes the blame, everyone can start to move on. It just doesn’t bother me to be… I can handle it better than other people. I suppose it’s a bit… short-sighted.”

Flash talked slowly as he mulled the question over in his mind. Though he wanted to be detailed in his answer, he couldn’t quite describe the reasons behind his automatic behavior. In fact, in general, though he had learned a great deal of his behavior through Valerius’ books and Marius’ schooling, he never spent much time analyzing why he did what he did. Not until Burnett and Ruka started asking him. When he thought about how he took responsibility for the kiss even though Ruka was the one who crossed the line, he wasn’t sure why. Because he was ashamed of how he reacted? Or because… he was just a shell of a human being, whose only purpose was to be useful?

Ruka busied himself with a new origami figure of his own, looking up briefly to tell him he didn’t deserve blame more than anyone else with a smile. Flash also got to work folding. He would keep that thought to himself.

At what Flash had said about Burnett, he conceded that he knew Burnett cared. He became a bit listless again, stopping his work and looking off into the distance. After a brief moment of reflection, he continued by sharing a more personal story about his father. Namely, about his selfish pride. Flash nodded along, the information only justifying the conclusions he had come to himself. No doubt his reasons for not seeking medical attention were the same as the reasons for not allowing someone more qualified to raise his son. Flash’s self-satisfaction waned when Ruka related it to the topic at hand, that Burnett had stayed to help Flash rather than leave the ball with Ruka.

Of course, Flash had no idea, most of his eyesight had been compromised by blood at that point. He wasn’t even sure what effect Burnett’s being there had accomplished, he had been rescued by an extremely buff girl and a giant snake in the end, which he later learned had been transfigured by Professor Lian. Burnett had come over despite Ruka pleading for him not to? When Ruka looked over to gauge Flash’s reaction, he would just see him lost in thought, confused.

Luckily, Ruka continued his thoughts to expound upon them, contextualize them. It wasn’t anything nice, though. Flash could hardly tell how the two situations were supposed to compare, but that was only the gap between what he could understand about Ruka’s perspective. It was still hard to see… emotional, personal… spontaneous? Flash had never lost anyone before, let alone something like the comfort of food or shelter. Perhaps he would never understand completely… though the thought scared him. It seemed trust was something Ruka didn’t have. That was fair, it was an invitation to be disappointed. Still, cutting himself off from people wasn’t exactly doing him any favors either.

Besides that, wasn’t the illusion of stability… still technically stability, so long as it was believed? One could argue that civilization itself was all just a massive illusion of stability, and yet it ran day after day. Certainly it fell apart at the seams all the time, and thousands fell through the cracks… well, there was no ‘but’ there. The thought was chilling. He didn’t have a cheerful, positive response to that. Trust was an act of faith, a commitment to the truth that you believed. It was neither good nor bad, just… the only option. You had to trust something. Trust that nothing is certain? That was the conclusion he came to. He could understand why, but… what kind of life was that to live?

Then, he turned it back on Flash again. Having started to gaze off into the distance himself, Flash looked back, blinking a few times in silence before he took another breath. Did he trust Burnett… it depended on… many things. On what? It was hard to explain… why was Ruka asking him questions that he didn’t know how to explain the answers to? Even the animal question had been fumbled with.

”I trust him to… behave like himself.” It was a statement that meant nearly nothing at all. The way Flash dealt with people was to get to know them, so he could use them and placate them. Burnett wasn’t exactly wholly predictable, but there was an undercurrent to his ceaseless dialogues that was ironclad, and that was something Flash could trust. ”No I think I mean to say that I… I trust that he’s a good person. That he means well. Even if his actions seem strange or contradictory or… stupid… I trust that he didn’t mean harm.”

Flash took a deep breath, realizing that what he was saying had made his heart start beating furiously. When he talked to Ruka, it felt like he didn’t even know what his own thoughts had been until he was told to say them. How much was Flash not telling himself? He took a few more deep breaths before going back to the paper in his hand and doing a last few folds. It had been a very simple one, only a few steps. Flash placed the little frog in front of him and pressed down on the butt, causing it to do an indolent leap into the air through the magic of spring force and released tension. Hurray.



”That doesn’t mean I don’t think he won’t hurt me. Or won’t do something wrong or cruel. It...”

He could have rambled on, but he didn’t feel he had a good point to make. He was supposed to be saying his own opinion, but at some point he had started to broaden it to return to Ruka’s views, and addressing his own trust issues. Since the issue it stemmed from was his trust in his father’s word that he would be fine… he felt he had no soap box to stand on. If Flash had been born in Ruka’s place, would he have come to any different conclusion himself? The idealistic ivory tower Flash sat in made it easy to trust people. He had a safety net to catch him if things went wrong.

”Well, maybe it’s too early to say. Trust is a bit… I think it means different things for different people. I wonder if anything I’m saying makes any sense…” Flash made his frog hop a few more times. It was cathartic. Hop, hop.

The paper fox Ruka had made was much more complex, it was puffed out rather than being a combination of sharp flat protrusions in the vague shape that reminded one of an animal. The most complicated origami Flash had seen was the dragon that Syl had made back when he attended the errand Miss Nico had run in the first place. He was starting to realize that it had a vastly larger artistic capability than he had thought. Everything in the world was complex once people took an interest in it. Anything, even a blank piece of paper, could become something meaningful.

With that, Ruka also placed his pendant on the table, and opened it up. Flash sat back up properly and leaned over to get a good look as Ruka explained it. It was a candid photo, hardly posed at all except for the fact that the two of them were facing the camera when it was taken. It started to make sense, the piece fit together. Ruka went to the Slytherin commons because he was obsessed with the photo, while Burnett had been using it to make him the gift… Flash had no idea, but… it somehow made him feel sentimental. He had got himself involved with the two… while that was happening? He had to resist the urge to ask for forgiveness. It didn’t mean anything at that point, and it would only seem like Flash was trying to take the blame for everything again.

It was his fault though… he assumed Ruka was a nobody, he didn’t care why he had been distraught. He wanted a quick and easy way to get back at someone. Well, he thought it would be quick and easy. Now, four months later, he had actually learned the information he had been trying to coerce out of him. Of course, the information was different now. Ruka had been the spark that set Flash onto discovering how useless that approach had been, the one without any love in it. Ever since he learned to earn people’s trust through love, his success had multiplied. That didn’t mean anything for Ruka though. So he got to be the guinea pig, what an honor.

Ruka rubbed his face, sighed, and talked about how things had changed for him since then as well. Looking at him now, it was hard to think that it was such a short while ago things had been so dire. Burnett had been there for him then, but then suddenly disappeared. Flash worried about seeing them together more often, their energy together seemed a bit like a tsunami off the coast. A disaster you could see well ahead of time, but had no power to stop, and no way to escape.

Just as Flash was stashing his functional frog on the stack with the others, Ruka broke an illusion himself. The denial that Flash had been in that the moment would never come. That he and Ruka could talk on and on about his family and his life, and then part ways with a newfound sense of peace and understanding. But no, he wanted to know how he got along with his family? He didn’t tell anyone that. Not because it was tragic, not because it was hard… but because they were too wonderful. If Ruka knew… if anyone knew… Flash’s skin started to crawl-- W-why this reaction? Why am I so anxious about… something good?

There were lots of reasons. He had been made to face his feelings about his family a few small times, once about Valerius with George Henry, and another about his father with Persephone Barret, but even in those cases, the information had been threadbare. Even admitting a single thing about his family had taken herculean efforts from his counterparts, yet now he was supposed to just… give a detailed description? To Ruka… how had he put himself in this situation? Was it because once again he had failed to understand Ruka’s intentions? He felt no closer to being able to control him. Control him… a ludicrous notion.

”It’s… good.” At some point between Ruka asking the question and Flash answering it, he had started staring at the table, his face devoid of expression. His voice was hollow, like it was just the echo of something that had started deep inside of him. ”My relationship with… my family is good.”

Flash raised his eyes, seeing how tired Ruka looked, and started to feel a bit tired himself. He just had to get through it, just jump into the water and worry about the biting cold later.

”M-my father was a muggle. He and his family… that is, the Holmwood family, have accumulated wealth over the generations as a trusted name in the bloodstock industry. That… that is… certification and commerce of… thoroughbred horses. I’ve been told that it was because of their good sense and discipline that the family wealth only ever seemed to grow over time. Even now, we’re continuing to accumulate more worth.”

Flash stumbled only a bit before he began to summarize the information. His eyes still facing forward, down, nowhere. His voice like a news reporter on a slow day.

”I love my father… he is insightful, creative. But… he… but…” Flash struggled the moment his feelings became involved. ”Well… what does someone like him have to say to a child like me…”

W-what? What sort of statement was that? Flash tapped his fingers on the table, distributing a useless amount of stress. He had so much more detail to provide, yet he could hardly begin. He didn’t want to talk about it. It was a mess, it was stupid. What right did Flash have to complain about how much his father talked to him. He had a father, one that loved him dearly. One who gave him everything he ever had, and raised him with abundance of both love and education.

”That is… he’s busy. We only live like we do because he is so excellent at what he does. And that… I’m grateful for.” Though he wasn’t exactly charging through the thought, he eventually got the message out. He would have occupied his hands with an origami, but he didn’t think he could spare the concentration. He couldn’t say something wrong. Why… something wrong? But… What?

”Uh… so, mostly, my mother raised me. She was a writer, and an artist. A free spirit in her youth… a Slytherin like me. She fell in love with my father because of their love for horses, they're very passionate about the business. They are still very close, always sweet to one another, understanding… a healthy relationship where they support one another.” Flash didn’t know what information was pertinent, but as long as he was talking about them, and not his actual feelings about them, the easier it was to say. ”My mother, and my older sister… Marius. They both raised me.”

Flash’s eyes became lidded, was any of this something Ruka really wanted to hear? How perfect Flash’s life was? How he took it all for granted, moping about having no friends? He didn’t know exactly what would match, what amount of information would seem fair. Their lives couldn’t be any more different. Was he really supposed to sit there and explain to a homeless person just how privileged he was? Ruka was still listening, so apparently ‘yes’.

”I have two older brothers, Valerius and Darius. My older sister, Marius, and a younger brother, Fabius. My brothers are older now, graduated, starting their careers. I never got to see them much growing up, besides vacations. Still, we are all close. Marius taught me manners, Valerius taught me how the brain worked, Darius taught me how to be cautious.”

The names likely felt like nothing but a jumble to the poor audience of one. He knew it was too many people. It felt like too many people. Even when the mansion was empty, their presence was felt everywhere. Maybe if Flash was lucky, he would bore Ruka so completely that he would zone out and not retain any of it.

”I don’t really like my little brother but… little brothers tend to be annoying. I suppose it’s not his fault.” For some reason it brought to mind Burnett, and how he asked Flash how a little brother was supposed to act. Being annoying was a little brother’s job. ”That’s how I feel around all of them. They’re all so brilliant and perfect… I’m just...”

Flash drew a quick breath, stopping the thought before it could mature. He looked up at Ruka, for some reason, like he was checking to see if maybe he hadn’t heard what he said.

”Well. That’s it, basically. Was that your only question?” He didn't really want to ask. He put his head in one of his hands as a means of supporting himself. Underneath the table his ankles were tightly wrapped around each other.

@Ruka Tân