11 Jun 2020, 17:00
0%Essays but 100%Meltdowns
Continuation from : This bit here~ ' Friends for Essays'
Where he was going was the last thing on his mind. The only goal he had in his dim-witted brain was to run and getaway. He knew nothing nor no one was chasing him. If they did they would’ve had been hit by a spell that would’ve made them too nauseous to continue.
Embarrassing was an understatement.
He was utterly mortified and the only regret he had was not blasting Alan Vanes earlier. What did he do instead? He cried - he just cried. That question threw him off so much that now his reputation of being the happy-go-lucky guy was threatened. Would they pity him now? Would everything change and they’ll see him differently?
He didn’t want that. Being an emotionless childish brat was amazing already. People uninterested in him, their reactions to the silly things he did, and much more. Why did Vanes had to jeopardize that? Well, Hanako did spilled pumpkin juice on him. Now that he was out of the scene, that wasn’t a good idea to vent out his frustration. Why did he think that was a good idea? It occurred to him that he had been running more than he might’ve planned. The cool early morning breeze nipped his previously tear-streaked face. For only a second, he heard nothing but the winds futile attempts at being louder than his own thoughts.
For a second, he felt at peace.
So he screamed. He screamed, incredibly loud. Trashing came next. Incohoreble mummers, pulled chubby cheeks up and down, unattractive ruffled hair, you name it, he’d done it. It was a sight to see, to be honest. Seeing him act out like that had the same energies as seeing someone dance or sing in a supposedly empty ballroom mixed with fresh uncomfortable air of a spoiled child having a meltdown in public. It was- odd. A scene, curious eyes would be tempted to see but not something to get involved. He was clearly having a moment to himself.
A few minutes passed nicely and the thrashing child was now frighteningly calm.
“ My reputation... ruined “, he concluded in a wispy breath to no one particular. His eyes now clouded with the horrid revelation of the previous events seeped into his brain. No matter how much he screamed, cried, or tore his hair until his head was bald and shiny, he could not take away what he had done. No, he couldn’t care less if drowned in pumpkin juice. It was his own retort to that blasted question that sends off the cliff like that.
Was he okay?
He’s flustered to death that he might as well paint red streaks over his checks. No one could tell the difference. To have his cool blow off just by a simple question, oh lord- how he hated himself so much at the moment.
Feeling his last drop of energy drained, he laid down on the grass like a starfish. There were many things going through his mind even if nothing came out of his mouth. But it does terribly show on his face. From making an ugly pout trying not to cry ( a failed attempted ) to a ( still ugly ) look of pure wrath or maybe the face of a defeated spoiled prince. Hard to tell. It kept switching from one to next with each passing 5 seconds that it looked supremely idiotic even with his tears.
The courtyard was a busy place. But not so much when it was this early. Some students on their way to breakfast would possibly see his body sprawled on the ground. Fortunately among the 1st years, he was infamous for sleeping everywhere but where he's actually supposed to sleep, so it would be a common thing to laugh and simply look away.
That is- if they never saw him previously thrashing around, screaming and crying.
Mentioning: @Alan VanesPv with : @Jake Morris
Last edited by Hanako Tone on 16 Mar 2021, 18:00, edited 1 time in total.
4 Jul 2020, 05:30
0%Essays but 100%Meltdowns
@Hanako Tone
It was a lovely day on the Hogwarts grounds, as summer began to come closer and closer, and the weather began to warm. It was just the time that Jake would love to be outside. Bright sun, chirping birds, and all of nature buzzing. But while the day was a beautiful one, the first-year Hufflepuff was having a really hard time enjoying it.
It was the first time since the blossom ball that he'd let himself be off on his own.
Ever since that horrible night, the young boy had been clinging to whoever he could. When there was nobody around he felt terrified. It hadn't been so hard to find people to bring him places really. He was with his friends most of the time, and there were a lot of Hufflepuffs he trusted. Sometimes he just tagged along with them, even if he wasn't talking, and they didn't seem to mind. They were nice to him, and it was a good thing too. When he even thought about being by himself, he got nervous. It had been like that when he'd first gotten to school, because when he'd first gotten to school he'd never been alone before. After that he had gotten a little more used to it in what he felt were the safe walls of the school. He had been wrong though. There WERE no safe walls in the school and now he wouldn't mind if he was never left alone again. His mum would have liked it better that way anyway.
Today's walk was thanks to Jack, really. It was Jack who had spoken to him and told him that he needed to try to be by himself - even for just a little while. That he would see it wasn't so scary if he just tried. Jake thought that it was, but he had promised he would at least try it... just for a little while. Just for one walk. Jack had been nice to him all along, and had always kept him safe. His encouragement meant a lot. Jake had to try and make him proud, no matter how scared he was. He had promised he would. So one morning, he woke up, took a deep breath, and went off on his way.
Jake had brought his stuffed dog Freddie along for the walk too, because that way he would feel just a little bit less alone. When he started to feel afraid he would hug him, and then feel just a little bit better. He was doing alright. The hardest part was walking out through the hallways. Once he made it to the lawn - into the sunlight - away from anything that could burn, he felt a little bit better. It was daylight. There was nothing bad that was going to happen in the middle of the day, he told himself. Not on a day like this one.
And so he made his way along the grounds. Just one walk around, and then he'd be back inside. If anything did happen while he was here by himself he wouldn't know what to do, so when he heard a scream he nearly jumped out of his skin.
The boy froze for a second, clutching his stuffed friend and ready to run. But then in the distance he saw where the sounds were coming from. Jake peered towards it and took a few cautious steps. When he got a little closer his suspicions were confirmed
There were no mosps, no danger... just a boy. But the boy was sobbing. Jake looked around anxiously, and saw no grown-ups in sight. As the tantrum gave way to defeated lying on the ground, Jake finally arrived and stared down at the Slytherin, a boy he remembered seeing in his classes but had never spoken to before.
By the time he got there, the other boy had stopped screaming. He was lying down in the grass, face down, tired and defeated. What had he been so upset about...? Jake remembered the day he had had to go back to school from Winter break. How he'd been ok until he'd gotten to the train station, when he'd been so nervous and desperate to stay home he'd just lost it. He had burst into tears and clung and bawled and begged and struggled while his Dad had carried him onto the train. He had been so upset, so scared, so desperate, he hadn't even cared if anybody was looking. It wasn't even until he got on the train and they were moving away that he'd realized what he'd done.
Anything that had this boy crying this badly must have been awful.
"Um... Are you ok...?" Jake asked quietly, kneeling down next to the other boy, concern leading him past his shyness "What's wrong...?"
It was a lovely day on the Hogwarts grounds, as summer began to come closer and closer, and the weather began to warm. It was just the time that Jake would love to be outside. Bright sun, chirping birds, and all of nature buzzing. But while the day was a beautiful one, the first-year Hufflepuff was having a really hard time enjoying it.
It was the first time since the blossom ball that he'd let himself be off on his own.
Ever since that horrible night, the young boy had been clinging to whoever he could. When there was nobody around he felt terrified. It hadn't been so hard to find people to bring him places really. He was with his friends most of the time, and there were a lot of Hufflepuffs he trusted. Sometimes he just tagged along with them, even if he wasn't talking, and they didn't seem to mind. They were nice to him, and it was a good thing too. When he even thought about being by himself, he got nervous. It had been like that when he'd first gotten to school, because when he'd first gotten to school he'd never been alone before. After that he had gotten a little more used to it in what he felt were the safe walls of the school. He had been wrong though. There WERE no safe walls in the school and now he wouldn't mind if he was never left alone again. His mum would have liked it better that way anyway.
Today's walk was thanks to Jack, really. It was Jack who had spoken to him and told him that he needed to try to be by himself - even for just a little while. That he would see it wasn't so scary if he just tried. Jake thought that it was, but he had promised he would at least try it... just for a little while. Just for one walk. Jack had been nice to him all along, and had always kept him safe. His encouragement meant a lot. Jake had to try and make him proud, no matter how scared he was. He had promised he would. So one morning, he woke up, took a deep breath, and went off on his way.
Jake had brought his stuffed dog Freddie along for the walk too, because that way he would feel just a little bit less alone. When he started to feel afraid he would hug him, and then feel just a little bit better. He was doing alright. The hardest part was walking out through the hallways. Once he made it to the lawn - into the sunlight - away from anything that could burn, he felt a little bit better. It was daylight. There was nothing bad that was going to happen in the middle of the day, he told himself. Not on a day like this one.
And so he made his way along the grounds. Just one walk around, and then he'd be back inside. If anything did happen while he was here by himself he wouldn't know what to do, so when he heard a scream he nearly jumped out of his skin.
The boy froze for a second, clutching his stuffed friend and ready to run. But then in the distance he saw where the sounds were coming from. Jake peered towards it and took a few cautious steps. When he got a little closer his suspicions were confirmed
There were no mosps, no danger... just a boy. But the boy was sobbing. Jake looked around anxiously, and saw no grown-ups in sight. As the tantrum gave way to defeated lying on the ground, Jake finally arrived and stared down at the Slytherin, a boy he remembered seeing in his classes but had never spoken to before.
By the time he got there, the other boy had stopped screaming. He was lying down in the grass, face down, tired and defeated. What had he been so upset about...? Jake remembered the day he had had to go back to school from Winter break. How he'd been ok until he'd gotten to the train station, when he'd been so nervous and desperate to stay home he'd just lost it. He had burst into tears and clung and bawled and begged and struggled while his Dad had carried him onto the train. He had been so upset, so scared, so desperate, he hadn't even cared if anybody was looking. It wasn't even until he got on the train and they were moving away that he'd realized what he'd done.
Anything that had this boy crying this badly must have been awful.
"Um... Are you ok...?" Jake asked quietly, kneeling down next to the other boy, concern leading him past his shyness "What's wrong...?"
14 Jul 2020, 11:44
0%Essays but 100%Meltdowns
When asked if he was alright, he would’ve thought it was his own hallucinations taking the form of a soothing - delicately warm tone asking him the dreaded question again. Perhaps something that he used to desperately wish to come out of his parent’s mouth . The thought only made him cry further, painfully stinging his eyes as if they were acid. It wasn’t until he felt a new presence invaded his space, that he had a new focus to shift on. Eyes tinged with red, red nose, cheeks, and stained with dried tears- old and new, he sat up hastily- almost in a panicked manner. His face, uncharacteristically gave anyone who looked at him a good solid definition as to what he was feeling. For a second, he backed away as fear gnawed at his heart as he tried to figure out if the boy next to him was not a hallucination and in fact, is a real living human that has yet again seen him in the worst possible moment. Not another one.
Despite the sting in his eyes, he forced himself to remember who this guy was. To keep track of his fellow peers was never something he considered to be ‘his’ job to do. Everyone’s existence needed to be reminded by his ally’s like Percival or Kara as he tended to simply not care about their presence. The boy in front of him, was yet another unfamiliar face that had already set him on edge with his soft features, terrifyingly reminding him of the guy that ruined Hanako’s day. Vanes and his guy… they both looked like someone who likes animals. Maybe extra points to the new guy with his stuffed dog in his hands. Alas, that didn’t make him feel better in the slightest. His head, exhausted from his outburst is still attempting to find any reason to convince himself that this blonde kindergartener is only a hallucination and that he hasn’t exposed his wrecked state to anyone else yet. Too focused that he almost missed the next question he was asked. What’s wrong?
Without thinking- as if an instinct reaction, he screamed;
“ THAT BLASTED QUESTION!” before continuing to pull up his knees and sobbed again. “ THAT’S WHATS WRO- hic - WRONG!” He was hiccuping to the hallucination now. Amazing. He hasn’t even debated whether he really was a hallucination. The state of his breakdown just made it less of a priority to find out. “ Are you okay are you okay are you okay?- stupid, stupid, stupid!!” he blabbered without direction, seeming to press his face deeper into his knees, concealing his face entirely as his sobbing kept going.
Too absorbed in his own pit of tears, he curled up into a ball at this point. A crying ball that didn’t seem to have a stop switch anywhere. His knees were pressed so close that it was touching his heaving chest. Was he... trying to give himself a hug? Hanako failed to realize his hands, rested on his upper arms that - like a method to soothe his racing brain, gently rubbed them up and down. A habit he unconsciously developed when he was in need of a hug. He seemed to shrink smaller than before, clutching his sleeves as if the more he invaded the air around him, the more it seemed to suffocate him. “ Go -” his voice seemed to soften “- go away, hallucin- nation...I don’t-”, he sniffed “-need ...anyone”.
A statement, or a question?
@Jake Morris
16 Mar 2021, 04:42
0%Essays but 100%Meltdowns
@Hanako Tone
The crying boy looked up, his face a mess. Jake stared at the red-eyed Slytherin, feeling a pang of worry and sadness. For the first time since he'd stepped outside, Jake forgot all about his own fear. Something was very wrong with the boy in front of him, but he didn't know what. He looked again towards the castle, and still saw nobody. It was just him and the other boy. He didn't know what to do when another boy was crying... He wanted to help him. He wanted to make it better...but that was what grown-ups did. They were the ones who knew how... All he could do was try...try to ask what was wrong.
But then out of nowhere, the boy yelled out, and Jake drew back as if struck, letting out a small yelp, his nerves on edge ever since the blossom ball had ended. The other boy cried and cried. He had made it worse. Jake stared with eyes wide. He'd said the question was what was wrong? What question? He didn't like 'are you ok'? But why? What was wrong with that?
Jake had no idea what had upset him, but when he watched the boy curl up it didn't matter. He might not have known why, but he DID know what he was feeling. Jake had looked like that before. It was the way it looked when all of his feelings seemed to burst out of him at once and he couldn't do anything BUT cry. When he felt so small and his feelings so big and there was nowhere else for the feelings to go...when they were so strong he could choke on them. Maybe it was when he thought of just how much he missed his parents, and just how much he wanted to go home...maybe it was after a bad dream, or maybe when he was exhausted, and hadn't gone back to Hufflepuff to nap. When everything seemed so hard that he couldn't bear it anymore.
"I'm not a hallucination...." Jake mumbled, staring at the other boy for a few more moments, before looking away, his cheeks hot. He knew he didn't like it when people watched him crying. Maybe that was why the boy said to go away.
"But I don't wanna go..." he replied softly. He couldn't just leave. He couldn't leave the other kid there like this. But he didn't know how to make the other boy stop crying...How to make it better...What would his friends do if it was him...?
Jake did the only thing he could do. If the other boy needed proof that he wasn't a hallucination, he would soon have it - for a small hand would now fall cautiously upon Hanako's upper arm. Jake's touch was soft, but he was there.
"I-it's okay..." Jake said. "Do..do ya need a hug...?" he asked. "Or...or you could hold Freddie if you wanna..." he said, holding out his stuffed dog.
The crying boy looked up, his face a mess. Jake stared at the red-eyed Slytherin, feeling a pang of worry and sadness. For the first time since he'd stepped outside, Jake forgot all about his own fear. Something was very wrong with the boy in front of him, but he didn't know what. He looked again towards the castle, and still saw nobody. It was just him and the other boy. He didn't know what to do when another boy was crying... He wanted to help him. He wanted to make it better...but that was what grown-ups did. They were the ones who knew how... All he could do was try...try to ask what was wrong.
But then out of nowhere, the boy yelled out, and Jake drew back as if struck, letting out a small yelp, his nerves on edge ever since the blossom ball had ended. The other boy cried and cried. He had made it worse. Jake stared with eyes wide. He'd said the question was what was wrong? What question? He didn't like 'are you ok'? But why? What was wrong with that?
Jake had no idea what had upset him, but when he watched the boy curl up it didn't matter. He might not have known why, but he DID know what he was feeling. Jake had looked like that before. It was the way it looked when all of his feelings seemed to burst out of him at once and he couldn't do anything BUT cry. When he felt so small and his feelings so big and there was nowhere else for the feelings to go...when they were so strong he could choke on them. Maybe it was when he thought of just how much he missed his parents, and just how much he wanted to go home...maybe it was after a bad dream, or maybe when he was exhausted, and hadn't gone back to Hufflepuff to nap. When everything seemed so hard that he couldn't bear it anymore.
"I'm not a hallucination...." Jake mumbled, staring at the other boy for a few more moments, before looking away, his cheeks hot. He knew he didn't like it when people watched him crying. Maybe that was why the boy said to go away.
"But I don't wanna go..." he replied softly. He couldn't just leave. He couldn't leave the other kid there like this. But he didn't know how to make the other boy stop crying...How to make it better...What would his friends do if it was him...?
Jake did the only thing he could do. If the other boy needed proof that he wasn't a hallucination, he would soon have it - for a small hand would now fall cautiously upon Hanako's upper arm. Jake's touch was soft, but he was there.
"I-it's okay..." Jake said. "Do..do ya need a hug...?" he asked. "Or...or you could hold Freddie if you wanna..." he said, holding out his stuffed dog.
16 Mar 2021, 17:57
0%Essays but 100%Meltdowns
[font=PT Sans]The hallucination wasn’t going away. It was talking. It was talking way too much. Perhaps it really was a hopeless wish to fool himself into thinking the hallucination wasn’t actually a hallucination. He didn’t want to spend extra energy for another non-halucination. Hanako’s image was clearly not the best right now. Look at him! His nose is stuffed with snot and his hysterical crying face looked like a newly born baby. He’s a mess. The kind of mess he didn’t want to show others. The other mess- not the mess he tried to be. He thought if the hallucination turned out to be real, he’d need to conceal it all again. But frankly, it turned out he didn’t even have the energy to do that. He would’ve loathed for anyone to see him like this but he had more loathe for himself than anyone else at the moment. Therefore, at a small corner in the back of his mind, he silently accepted that this hallucination wasn’t going to go away. And he couldn't do anything about it but ignore it. Surely, his temper and uncomfortable air would shoo the hallucination away?
Apparently, the answer to that was no because not long after the hallucination said it wasn’t a hallucination, it placed a hesitant hand on Hanako’s arm. Unexpectedly, Hanako didn’t swat his hand away. He did think the hallucination was a pesky pest. Like a mosquito. But he still didn’t swat it away. He wasn’t sure if it was his lack of energy or the small and slightly warm sensation the hand felt on him. It was only then that Hanako realized he was cold.
"I-it's okay.. .Do..do ya need a hug...?" the hallucination said, "Or...or you could hold Freddie if you wanna...". Hugs? Hanako allowed himself to bite back a harsh refusal and instead opted to take a peek of the hallucination's morbid idea. In his not-very-hallucination-looking hand was a stuffed animal you wouldn’t really see at this age.’ Weren’t we supposed to ditch stuffed animals at age 8?’ Hanako thought as he stared at the plushie with red, tired eyes. Besides, he was always more of a blanket kid than a stuffed animal kid. Even in his state, he was skeptical of the hallucinations offer. But it managed to distract him enough to halt his loud weeping for a while. ‘ Hugs aren’t going to solve my problems’ he was tempted to say, yet he kept staring at the little beady sewn in Freddie's eyes, thinking back on the warm hand on his arm. Hanako believed physical affection had the opposite effect on him, being the just-look-don’t-touch person he is. But being mentally and physically exhausted to death had him open to new ideas. Of course, he wasn’t going to hug the hallucination. That's crazy even for his state of mind. But perhaps this weird little lifeless stuffed creature could elevate some of his turmoil.
With trembling arms, he reached out to Freddie and poked his head softly. In a small weak mumble, he asked the hallucination. “ C- can I?” [/font]
@ Jake Morrisin
29 Apr 2021, 02:52
0%Essays but 100%Meltdowns
@Hanako Tone
Jake watched the Slytherin boy whose face was a mess from crying, Jake's own eyes widening slightly as he felt helpless in the face of the other boy's despair. He didn't know if he was doing the right thing or not...but Freddie made him feel better...so maybe it would make this other boy feel better too.
For a moment he thought it hadn't worked either...but then he heard the other boy speak, his voice soft and weak. "Can I?" the Sytherin boy asked him.
Those words meant everything to Jake - they meant that Jake had said something right - that something he said was working. Quietly, the small hufflepuff nodded his head and held his treasured stuffed friend out towards the other first-year.
"Yes, you can hold him, he's good at making people feel better," Jake said, letting Freddie be taken. It was hard to give him up, because Jake still needed him too, but another look at the boy's face made those thoughts go away. He just wanted the other boy to feel better.
Giving Freddie to the other boy was the first step. Then the Slytherin could hug the soft dog and maybe it would make his tears stop. But just holding a stuffed animal wasn't always enough. Sometimes you had to talk about what was wrong. But how could the other boy do that when Jake wasn't even allowed to ask what was wrong in the first place?
So Jake did the most sensible thing, what you should always do when you didn't know what else to do, and you or somebody else was in trouble.
"Do you need a grownup...?" the Hufflepuff asked him.
Jake watched the Slytherin boy whose face was a mess from crying, Jake's own eyes widening slightly as he felt helpless in the face of the other boy's despair. He didn't know if he was doing the right thing or not...but Freddie made him feel better...so maybe it would make this other boy feel better too.
For a moment he thought it hadn't worked either...but then he heard the other boy speak, his voice soft and weak. "Can I?" the Sytherin boy asked him.
Those words meant everything to Jake - they meant that Jake had said something right - that something he said was working. Quietly, the small hufflepuff nodded his head and held his treasured stuffed friend out towards the other first-year.
"Yes, you can hold him, he's good at making people feel better," Jake said, letting Freddie be taken. It was hard to give him up, because Jake still needed him too, but another look at the boy's face made those thoughts go away. He just wanted the other boy to feel better.
Giving Freddie to the other boy was the first step. Then the Slytherin could hug the soft dog and maybe it would make his tears stop. But just holding a stuffed animal wasn't always enough. Sometimes you had to talk about what was wrong. But how could the other boy do that when Jake wasn't even allowed to ask what was wrong in the first place?
So Jake did the most sensible thing, what you should always do when you didn't know what else to do, and you or somebody else was in trouble.
"Do you need a grownup...?" the Hufflepuff asked him.
29 May 2021, 12:21
0%Essays but 100%Meltdowns
[font=PT Sans]
Having his request to hug the lifeless stuffed animal approved, he gingerly took the plushie and wrapped his arms around it. The hallucination said it was supposed to make him feel better but the result ended up with Hanako crying again but with less hysteria than before.The kind of sob you’d release when you’re held by someone that made you feel safe after waking up from a horrible nightmare. Holy shirt, does it actually work?! Even as the sobbing mess he is at the moment, he made extra efforts not to cover Freddie with his wet tears and running snot. He could not explain the slight comfort he felt when he was hugging the random plushie. Was it some sort of placebo effect? Did his brain desperately want to believe the hallucinations words when he said the plushie could make him feel better?
The hallucination then asked if he wanted a grown-up. Usually, Hanako would bark back a frustrated dismissal at the idea. Adults were the last thing he wanted! He didn’t want them to tell him to suck it up because his siblings didn’t cry as well. ‘ Oh Hannah! You silly goose! Look at your younger siblings! They’re not scared of Barney the Dinosaur! ‘. Perhaps it was only that specific memory that made him so against asking help from adults, actually. Considering that was the first memory that popped up at the hallucinations suggestion.
Besides, what was he even going to say? ‘ Oh I spilled pumpkin juice on someone to make them see me as a bad person but they reacted nicely so that upsets me ‘. ???. No matter what angle, Hanako wasn’t the one that was supposed to cry in that situation. The hallucination didn’t have to know what happened. And neither do bossy adults. Hanako shocks his head in a disagreeable manner before hugging Freddie once more. “ No- no adults. Adults- all- annoying- “ he grunted with his voice despite it being as dry as the dessert. But other than that- it was a marvelous improvement of speech on his part. The way he was hugging the plushie gave a clear impression that he’d rather hug 10+ Freddies than go with the hallucinations ludicrous suggestion.
[/font]
@Jake Morris