phantom cigarettes
Charlie Jones
13, Youngman Avenue
Cambridge, England
3rd September 2025
Charlie,
I got into Ravenclaw (yayy), though I'm sure Mumma or Dad would have already told you. I hope you're jealous I'm learning how to do spells and potions, and you're stuck doing math and Shakespeare
It's been a hectic few days, that's for sure! The staircases move, so it's difficult to find my classes, but I'm sure I'll get there eventually. I've made a couple of acquaintances, but no friends yet. Once I'm settled in and a little more used to the castle, I'll start exploring, socializing, and figuring out how to get on the Quidditch team. (Go Magpies!)
Sending letters is damn annoying, I'll tell you. I wish we could text at Hogwarts, I feel like I'm in the 1800's right now, writing on parchment, with a feathered quill *sobs*
It's late, so I suppose all that's left to say is- send me some of those phantom cigs Mumma got from India, will you, and some more KitKats aswell.
Your amazing sister,
Nat
PS: Tell Mumma and Dad I miss them
phantom cigarettes
Natasha Jones
Hogwarts
Scotland
7th September 2025
Hey Nat!
Congrats on Ravenclaw, though you might wanna let them know they made a mistake, as you're nowhere near as smart enough as they think you are.
I hope this got to you alright, I didn't know whether the address was fine, but the owl you sent seemed to know it's way back.
Think you're a bit stupid to still be lost, I'd have figured out the staircases on my first day. Also, Magpies are nowhere near the best, and it's best if you don't delude yourselves into thinking they are, though you should definitely apply for quidditch. Your teams are house-wise right?
News from my side would be- I'm still heartbroken about Christina, but I think my wounds may be healing, since I met this amazing girl named Leah. She's seems fine, but she likes pineapple on her pizza and my brain's working overtime to ignore that little 'quirk'. Still, if there's any girls up North that wanna write to your handsome older brother, feel free to give them our address
Apart from that, we've been learning quadratics in math, which is hell, and production possibility curves in Eco, which is surprisingly fun. My English teacher hates me though, I wonder why?
Me and a couple boys are thinking of starting a band and busking around, any thoughts?
I'd have to agree on the 1800's thing though, you should expect shorter letters in the future, this is wayy too much work. I'm not sending the cigs, there's hardly any left since you hogged them all you dipshit. There's a KitKat in there though.
The one and only,
Charlie
phantom cigarettes
Charlie Jones
13, Youngman Avenue
Cambridge, England
24th September 2025
Charlie,
I would have written back sooner, but I was waiting for a reply from Dad before I wrote home. If you have not been made aware of why already, here's a summary: I got, well, an A in my first ever Transfiguration assignment. An A isn't the same as it is in the Muggle world. In Hogwarts, an A simply stands for 'acceptable'. This has been Dad's favourite subject for as long as I can remember, so it felt like a figurative slap, honestly. I was worried Dad would be mad at me.
Fortunately, he wasn't, and he seemed kind of worried that I was worried that he would be worried/mad.
I'm determined to pull my grade up, though, since I've been getting O's in all my other subjects (this stands for outstanding), so perfect grades otherwise. How is your school going anyway? Barely passing, or getting A's all around?
I suppose I'm glad you're getting over your supposed 'heartbreak', but Leah sounds evil. Pineapple on pizza is atrocious, and I sincerely hope she has MANY redeeming qualities, or I may not be able to overlook said 'quirk' as you call it.
Also, I'm not walking around asking 3rd and 4th years whether they'd possibly be interested in writing to my brother in Cambridge, that'd be social suicide.
Your English teacher probably hates you because you're an annoying git, because your ability to be so infuriating through pen and paper astounds me honestly.
Busking sounds cool, but which boys are you talking about? Please have more sense than to take Joe Everdeen. He thinks he can sing because of his older brother, but he sounds like a dying raccoon.
Life's been good for me. I've talked to a couple more people, though there's still a lack of proper friends, and I miss Gabe and the gang. I've been asking around, and I'm allowed to send letters to Muggles via people aware of magic, so I'll be sending you an influx of letters soon to pass on to my friends.
Also, excuse me- I'm not the one who finished most of the cigs, it was you. Have you been hallucinating or something? The KitKat was in pieces when it arrived, so you better be sending more soon, properly packaged.
Your amazing sister,
Nat