All These Things That I've Done PV Orion

To say it had been a rough few weeks for Orion would be an understatement. He had taken a leave from work to try and find his fiancé. Usually people had predictable schedules, places they reverted to during times of emotional crisis. And usually Orion could find his target easily.

But he had met his match with Galahad Browne. It seemed like he was always a step behind him. Following in his footsteps he had discovered the news of his father's passing, but the former head of Gryffindor was no where to be found.

Eventually he resigned himself to his fate; Galahad would either come home for an explanation or have him hauled off to Azkaban. Being locked in a damp cell while he paid for his sins was nothing less than the Frenchman deserved. At least if the Brit cut ties with him, he would likely be safe from Thaddeus.

He spent the next weeks drowning himself in sorrow, staying in office where his fiancé had found the damning evidence. Until one day...

'ORION.'

The sound of Galahad's voice shot straight through him, causing him to still and stare at the door of his study. He was moving before he could even think twice, his boots shuffling against the ground as he walked from his office, to the library, to the hallway, to the foyer.

Galahad looked scruffy, but alive at the very least. Orion, on the other hand, looked like he hadn't slept in several weeks; dark bags hanging beneath his eyes, and skin paler than usual. "Galahad," His voice was softer than usual, "... You came back."

In that moment he found himself unafraid of being hauled off to Azkaban, of Galahad rejecting him, of what Thaddeus would do to them, or anything else. He simply walked towards the man he loved so deeply, and pulled into him a tight hug. "I'm sorry to hear about your father, Mon Coeur My Heart." He whispered into his ear, pressing a kiss to his temple.

To put it very kindly, Orion looked like shit. Galahad's time in self-imposed exile had clearly not been kind to him. He felt a slight tinge of guilt but then he remembered that it all came back to the Frenchman and the double life he'd been leading for who knows how long. He had not gone to hell and back trying to find a way to exist in this world with what he knew now about the man he had planned to spend the rest of his life with. He couldn't tell for sure but it almost seemed like Orion hadn't expected him to come back. It also looked like he'd been living out of a bottle. Again, the tine of guilt threatened to break through, but again, he stopped it.

Then, Orion came in for the hug, and kissed him on the temple, and as hard as he was trying to stay mad he softened, even if it was just a little. The comment about his father had taken that weight off him. The truth was that he had been so busy dealing with the revelations about Orion that he still hadn't really processed his dad's death. He knew this was the start of it, but he still wasn't ready to let go. He needed answers. He had to know if there was anything left for him here. "Thank you..." he said quietly, before extricating himself from the hug gently. "And, yes... I did come back," he said softly, "Because despite what I learned I still love you, and that probably makes me a fool, but I decided, given what we share, and what we've been through together, that I owe you a chance to explain the little shop of horrors I discovered..." He finished quietly, he was trying not to yell, but the truth is he wanted to slap him silly and ask him what the fuck was wrong with him.

He controlled himself enough to not yell, but he knew the words would probably sting a bit, "The truth is, I still don't know if I should kiss you or kill you," there was as much warmth as he could muster but it still came across as cold. No matter how much he dressed it up, it would be abundantly clear to Orion that this was not a joke, and that whether or not he left the room vertical depended entirely on his explanation. "I always knew that we both still had secrets," he started evenly, "We both saw and did some dark shit in service of the Ministry." It was true, they had done things that were truly unspeakable to keep the larger wizarding world safe, and they both had to live with that, "But... I was expecting something like mine," he said, again with barely any warmth in his voice, "Which is simply that sometimes I go to bars and buy people drinks to see if I've still got it," he paused, still trying to get his point out, "But... you've been living a double life. I thought we'd both walked away. Got out clean. Now I discover that you've been clipping people this whole time and for God knows what reason."

He took another swig from the bottle of fire whiskey. This was truly excruciating but he had to find a way to get through it. "Like, do you understand what you're put me through? The position you've put me in? You are the cornerstone, the foundation of my existence. I love you, and I want to marry you, and those were things that I didn't believe. I knew. It was a fact. And then I saw what you'd done... and I," he got genuinely choked up, with a tear in his eye, "I crumbled. It took me this long to be able to face you. To do what I knew the moment I found your collection I had to do."

He took one more drink and this time, his face was one of stone, resolute. He knew this was the moment, he wasn't going to pull his punches. This was his burden, and his alone. "Convince me," he said with absolutely conviction, "Tell me it's a mistake. Tell me there's a good reason. Tell me anything. But I swear on my entire line, if you don't justify what you've done, you will not leave this room. I love you too much to send you to Azkaban. You are my responsibility."

Interaction: @Orion Lécuyer
Mention: @ N/A

"What are you implying, Galahad?" Orion whispered, the usual warmth in his sapphire eyes seemed to dim at the Brit's threat. He didn't need his fiancé to spell it out for him, he knew what he was implying, but he hated that he couldn't just say it. Hated that he was struggling to understand that Galahad had it in him to kill him. That he had broken a man that had spent his life protecting others so thoroughly that would consider killing him.

"Say it." His voice was barely audible. "Say that you will become that gallant knight and protect the wizarding world by taking away some sort of great evil. That would be easy enough, would it not?"

He slid his wand from his pocket and dropped it onto the floor in front of his fiancé to show he was unarmed. Well, in a way. Orion possessed the rare ability to not only use non-verbal magic, but also wandless magic. Not that he could ever remember telling Galahad as much. "I will not fight you, death is likely more of a mercy than I deserve. But chopping off a tree's branch will not destroy the tree. I am not the root of this problem, merely a puppet."

A brittle laugh pushed past his lips as he started to pace the hallway like a caged animal, his face twisted in sorrow. "Wrong and right come so easily for you. It's something I've always admired about you, you make your mind up and stick to it. I am surprised you even came back." Orion started, the words tumbling from his mouth quickly at first, but slowing as he looked away. "It ruined me, you know. When you left the first time. I was an idiot, a child in my early twenties who had just watched the one person I'd ever loved walk out of my life."

His words broke as he blinked back tears, when he turned to look Galahad in the eyes, he didn't hold the anger he previously held, instead he looked... Defeated. Like the same 20-something-year-old he had left behind over a decade and a half ago. "You were... Everything to me. This older, mysterious man who made me feel invincible. Then you were just... Gone. Merlin, I couldn't breathe most nights. I needed to feel something, anything to make me forget the pain. Drinking didn't help. I tried the other thing too, meaningless sex with strangers. The department started to notice I was stumbling, getting too aggressive with my missions. Taking unnecessary risks. They suggested a transfer."

The Frenchman's expression darkened as he continued, a solidary tear sliding down his cheek, "I told myself it was my choice. That I lived for the rush. That I could become a hit wizard easily. It wasn't too long after my career change that Thaddeus Athanatos found me. He was everything I wanted to be at the time. Successful, mysterious, seemingly unphased by emotion. I stupidly admired his strengths and failed to see what was lurking beneath it all."

"He saw right through me. A former Auror, a broken man. A fool with something to prove. He didn't have to force me, that was the worst part. He helped me transfer into the worst version of myself. I was a monster. I was his monster, and I was good at it. They called me the Huntsman. I collected the money, told myself I was just taking out the trash, sweeping away the evil the ministry couldn't get to." He paused to take in another shaking breath, "the lines started to blur. It wasn't until... Until Océane's death that I snapped out of it. I knew I had to get out. Thaddeus heard a position had opened up at Hogwarts. I applied. He seemed content with the decision. I should have known he had ulterior motives."

He took another step towards Galahad, his eyes fixed back on him, hollow, defeated, and rimmed with red from his tears, "Because Thaddeus doesn't release people, Galahad, not if he finds them useful. I have tried to cut ties with him before. It never lasts. He always sends a calling card and a 'suggestion' to why I should continue to work for him."

"It had been years since I had heard from him when you made your way back to me. I had a new career, a new reason to keep going, nieces that would be joining me at Hogwarts. And then... A letter arrived. It was from him. It had instructions. It mentioned you. He knew about us, knew where you were..." He wasn't sure when his hand had reached out to grip Galahad's arm, but heard how shaky his breathing had become. "I would not be able to live with myself if I woke up one day to discover that loving me killed you. So... I do what I always do. I lie. Take care of business discreetly. Protect you. Protect my nieces."

Note: Thaddeus' writer and I have plotted over the last several years. Some details were discussed in DMs. It is not my intention to godmod Thaddeus, I am just describing events as I/Orion remember them. If his writer needs me to change a detail, I will gladly do so.

It had taken a huge amount of resolve and energy to get out everything he needed to get out. He felt his strength already starting to falter and knew in his heart, that he could never hurt Orion, let alone kill him. Hell, he couldn't even bring himself to leave him after finding out what had to be the worst thing you could ever find out about someone you loved. "I wish I could do that, I really wish I could... all my life I've lived by the belief that right was right, and wrong was wrong, and there was no grey area, I was always on the right side." He took another swig of the fire whiskey because the more he talked, the harder it got. The adrenaline was starting to wear off and he realized he was bitterly cold. "And I was so sure, so sure when I found those at first that it was all wrong. But then... I remembered you... and the part of you that I know, that I love, would never do that."

As Orion spoke, the cold lifted from him even more and the pit of loneliness he felt in his stomach started to soften. "When I found those things..." he said as the strength he'd been hiding behind for so long was leaving him and he stumbled for a second after going weak at the knees and catching himself on Orion (swoon), "I wanted to be so angry. So, so angry," he said, tears starting to well up in him, "Part of me wishes that I could be that detached, that I could just carry out the sentence a killer deserves, but I could never hurt you."

He paused for a moment and just listened as he was told of the impact that his first time leaving had had on Orion. And he felt terrible, even if it was not intentional, he had never stopped to think how much walking out would effect Orion. He had only thought of himself. "Like I said... when I found those things... I wanted to be so angry." He paused for a second, trying to understand his own feelings before saying them aloud. "In a way, I was angry, but not at what you'd done, but at what I was feeling."

He finally put the bottle of whiskey on the counter and let go of Orion, but it was gentle, not rough or sudden. He walked over to the empty fireplace and waved his wand, starting a roaring fire, and took of his frozen, scarlet traveling cloak. "The anger I felt was really overshadowed by the sorrow, and worry, that I felt." He paused for a moment before hugging himself to try and warm up. He really was freezing. "It was sorrow and worry because I know you, and I know the spot you were in after I left you. I didn't know how badly I'd hurt you, but I knew I did. And I was afraid that I was the reason you were doing all that. And with the sorrow, and the worry, came the guilt. For what I felt I must've caused."

And then he listened, and listened some more. Listened to every word Orion had to say as it cut through him, each wounding his soul. Not just for how Orion felt about him, but about how it had happened, how he had stared into the abyss to long, and it had stared back. It was every aurors worst fear - becoming the monster you're hunting. He listened intently, and as he heard more and more about this Thaddeus, he knew. Knew who the true architect of this hell was. Knew who had caused the man he loved so much pain. Knew who truly deserved to die. What stung the most that most of what Orion had done was to protect the people he loved.

He watched and listened as his soul mate tore himself apart explaining how he had fallen and what had happened. He listened to every word, until he was done bearing his soul, and then walked over so he was next to him, wand still in his hand, and pointed it at Orion. Without a word he cast a spell at Orion, and he watched the dirt fly off his robes, before pulling him into a close hug, "If I want my robes to reek of whiskey I'll get myself drunk," he joked, trying to show him that he had nothing to fear from his love.

"I am sorry, truly sorry," he choked out, holding back a deluge of tears, "Sorry for what I put you through, the state you were in, and what my abandoning you led to." The tears started to come in earnest now, "I am so sorry my love, because now I understand that I was the ultimate source of all that pain." He was sobbing into Orion's shoulder now, "I hope you can one day forgive me, I love you so much."

He composed himself long enough to say one sentence, clearly, resolutely, a promise to himself and Orion, "Tell me everything you know about this Thaddeus, and I will end this."

Interaction: @Orion Lécuyer
Mention: @ N/A

His body tensed when the former head of house pointed his wand in his direction, assuming he was about to cast some sort of jinx or restraint charm. Instead he just found his clothing was now clean. Fair enough, he could have used a shower after wallowing in his own self-pity.

Orion had prepared for many different outcomes; for a screaming match, anger, perhaps the cold shoulder, for Galahad to leave again, or to get slammed with a spell. He hadn't, however, expected tears. The sight of his fiancé crying almost caused the Frenchman to break down too.

For so many years he had trained to control his emotions, to swallow his fear and bury his grief beneath layers of hard-won discipline. But there was one weakness Orion could never cauterize; the man he so dearly loved. For several minutes Orion could do nothing but stand there, allowing Galahad's tears to soak his collared shirt. His fingers gently stroked through his short locks, his mouth whispering words of affection in French in an attempt to soothe him. "[Shh, my heart, my love... I'm here. I'm here.]"

"No, no, it isn't your fault." He pulled back enough to cup Galahad's face in his hands with a tenderness that belied the monster he claimed to be. His thumbs whipped the dampness beneath his eyes and smeared over his cheeks. "You did not force my hand."

He took in a breath and leaned forward to press his forehead against his lover's, his sapphire eyes staring into Galahad's deep hazel eyes. "These sins... They are not yours to carry. They are mine. And... Thaddeus is not so easily defeated. He has protection, ancient magic I have never seen anyone else use."

Orion swallowed the lump forming in his throat, "if you wish to know the truth... You don't have to take my word for it... You can look into my mind. I can lower my defenses and let you take a look." The professor spoke of Legilimency. He knew Galahad was talented with it, but he had taken precautions many years ago to ensure no one could delve into his mind.