Lesson Learned PV Ross and Cala

There it was again. Choi.

Why do people feel inclined to call me that?

Calanthe physically winced both times Sylvia referred to her by the family name, breathing slowly to calm herself down. The last time someone called her Choi, she snapped at them. Wanting to avoid that outcome in the middle of class, she glared at Sylvia, but pressed her lips together to suppress the words she wanted to scream out.

Calanthe could not pinpoint a defining moment that made her hate being called Choi. Of course, she was fine with it before her life imploded and she did not recall absolutely seething at the name thereafter. But the name belonged to her father, and as far as Calanthe was concerned, the man abandoned her, so hearing his name used to refer to her sent every emotion into a reactive state.

While the two boys held back on commenting about Calanthe’s use of nicknames, the girl held no reservations. Taking enough steps to be up close and personal with Sylvia, she grabbed onto the sleeve of his robe. Her grip was feeble, but she tugged on it to fully capture the boy’s attention. The Ravenclaw was taller than her by good margin so she had to angle her chin upwards to avoid giving him a Kubrick stare.

“Please, don’t call me Choi,” the wobble in Calanthe’s voice gave away the begging tone she was trying to mask, but she held a glare. After whatever Sylvia’s response was, she would sigh heavily and turn back to gather his notes on the Babbling Beverage.

Ross’ attitude brought back a tired smile to Calanthe’s face. He reminded her of a certain saying. What was it again? An eager beaver? Yep, that’s him. His words caused her brows to knit together as she gazed at him with a confused look – it was not the boy perplexing her, though. Instead, it was her own feelings that caused bewilderment. The Hufflepuff reminded Calanthe of herself, before all the family drama and Hogwarts shenanigans took over her life. The innocent excitement he exuded, no matter how misplaced it was, caused the raging fire of FOMO to burn within Calanthe once again.

It was something she felt very regularly since coming to Hogwarts. The young witch desired to be in the middle of all the action. She wanted to cast spells and learn the history of how this place came to be. She wanted to make it to third year with a big group of friends so they could traipse through the village across the lake together and make the place their own. Even studying how to brew potions seemed like fun, even if she was not going to drink them like her animated groupmate fancied. From the little anecdotes that had been shared to her about an Auror’s way of life, Calanthe knew she wished to know more about that too.

And yet, the girl tricked herself into thinking that she preferred to ignore the teachings going on in her classes, into staying holed up in her dorm and embracing the boredom that came with it, into avoiding the glorious Great Hall feasts and hissing at her roommates if they ever tried to pry her out of her shell.

At first, Calanthe thought Sylvia would be the only threat to her steely resolve, but Ross surely increased the difficulty.

Pelor, this feels like a perpetual water level.

Tapping the notes against the desk to organize them in a neat pile, she made her way over to the cauldron without addressing Ross’ interest in the potion or any of the conflicted thoughts running through her mind.

“You remember what he told you?” she directed the question at Ross, “Two valerian sprigs, an aconite flower and some dittany.” That much was easy to read, but she held the rest of the instructions close to her face, scrutinizing Sylvia’s handwriting. Despite being pretty to look at, they were almost impossible to read. Biting her lip, Calanthe shook her head and offered the papers back to Sylvia. “You read them. I can’t understand your writing. I’ll just brew the damn thing instead,” her voice was no longer hardened, just worn out. Keeping up this charade took a toll on her and this dance with the two boys downright exhausted her. “And call me Calanthe, would you? Or… anything you want. I don’t care. Just not Choi.”