Jay had never been to the Trophy room but now that she was here she could tell the whole thing was incredibly fragile. One wrong move and the whole thing might collapse. At least that's what it looked like.
The reason Jay was here was to look for any trophies from Sunny's time here at Hogwarts. For some reason, even though her mum was ignoring her at the moment Jay wanted to find out more about her, her past and her life at Hogwarts and it wasn't something she talked about often and now Jay couldn't even aske her about it.
As she walked through the trophy room she saw lots of trophies for many different things, the glass glittering in the firelight that shone from the hearth and reflecting off the polished silver and gold. Some of the medals or awards were so clean Jay could see herself reflected clearly in them as they shimmered and sparkled.
Jay hated her reflection. She hated her messy hair, she hated her freckles, she hated her nose piercing, she hated her brown eyes, she hated the blonde she hated everything!
Her body seemed to change almost immediately back to her first year body, her brown and pink hair, pale skin and untouched face. She still felt gross, useless, unworthy.
Its just what he says talking, calm down ok? Ok just breathe you need to breathe Jay. FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT!?
With a sharp intake of breath her body faded back to normal, messy blonde short hair, freckles, brown eyes everything. No matter what she did she hated it. Everything she hated it all ALL OF IT ALL OF IT ALL OF IT!
WHY CAN'T I BE CONTENT WITH WHAT I HAVE?! WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO STUPID AND UNDESERVING! I SUCK AT THIS, I CAN'T EVEN LIKE MYSELF SO HOW CAN OTHERS EVEN LIKE ME??! WHAT THE FUCK IS MY PROBLEM!?
Jay leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, sinking down to the floor in pain that she couldn't feel. Scrunching up her face as she tried to stop tears flowing out of her tired and emotionless eyes that she hadn't rested in days. She needed sleep and something to take her mind off of the real world. Anything. Anything at all that could help her fix her mind, make it go back to the way it was when nothing was wrong.
When her mum still loved her
When she still had friends
When her dad was still far away on the other side of the world
But guess what? Reality fucking HURTS! And I was too immature, naive and STUPID to even think about how hard I could fall... Everything has gone to shit and I'm too weak and afraid to do anything about it. How the fuck is someone like me meant to survive this place if I can't even learn to control my emotions? After all its my fault that it's like this. ITS ALL MY FAULT!!!
Jay felt ready to vomit as her mind span and went into a spiral of dark thoughts about herself and everything she was doing wrong.
The fireplace radiated a very uncomfortable heat as Jay tried to calm her mind, breathing slowly but deeply as her heart slowed down to a reasonable pace and her mind seemed to give her mercy, slowing down and pausing to let her breathe.
She stood up slowly, trying to shove her feelings down as far as they would go and brushing herself off as she rose to her feet. Her legs slightly shaky but still she could stand relatively well enough to notice that this room wasn't exactly secluded and anyone could walk in right then and there to see Jay looking like she had lost a battle with a street cat.
That would be really pathetic wouldn't it? Me verses a street cat and I end up in the dirt... how stupid
She thought bitterly, wiping her eyes and fixing up her hair in the reflection of the clean glass, her boots making a soft tapping noise as she bounced her foot quickly. A nervous habit she had developed recently, she would bounce her leg, her foot bite her nails or pick at them, anything she could do to fidget in the stillness of time was becoming a bad habit of late.
Once her hair sat nicely on her head and her eyes showed no signs of tears she sat back on the floor, sighing softly as the chattering in her mind slowly subsided as it was pushed down to where she couldn't hear it and where it wouldn't bother her for the next few hours.
Trying to distract herself, Jay resumed looking through the trophies for her mum's name when she saw something else quite interesting.
There was an old, moving, black and white photo showing her mum, her wavy brown hair and bright smile still intact. Jay smiled bitterly at the sight of her mums smile. Something she hadn’t seen in over a year and would kill to see again. The last time she had seen it was right before she entered Kings Cross for the first time to go to Hogwarts for her first year.
In the photo there and someone else, a girl Sunny’s age, Sunny had her arm around the girl and the other girl was ruffling her hair like they were best friends. Jay read the faded old names at the bottom of the frame.
Sunny Valkyrie and Quinn Starr. Slytherin and Hufflepuff Quidditch Captains. Seventh Year
The year was too faded to see but Jay was more interested in who this Quinn Starr was, looking closer Jay saw that Quinn was a Slytherin like her.
Sunny had never mentioned anyone named Quinn Starr before, nor had Jay found anything of anyone who looked like Quinn from her mums old picture books.
Quinn had long wavy hair that seemed to be red or brown but Jay couldn’t tell, she seemed to have a cold face, you can only the soft hit of a smile but once you looked closer, you could see her eyes smiling for her lips. They twinkled even through the photo, her hand messing up her fellow schoolmates hair as if she was Sunny’s anchor.
Jay could imagine Quinn stopping Sunny from getting into all kinds of trouble, or maybe she joined in, how would Jay know? After all she had no idea who Quinn was.
A Hufflepuff and a Slytherin huh? Not the most normal of friendships for sure but you never really know do you?
Jay stood up and touched the glass softly, as if it would break beneath her feather light touch.
