Break 'n The Bairds

Remy had not planned on showing up to the nerd class. He would rather die via miscasting in charms class! Or go punch a tree, or sleep, or go give a person a black eye! All of that seemed like more fun than sitting through a boring lecture, but luckily for him, the professor was probably going to slip up sometimes in his lecture and Remy would be able to make fun of him for it later.

When he sat down, his oversized body barely fitting in the constraints of his desk and chair, the 6'7" giant stared at the name on the board and read 'Break'. Wait.

Elmo may have been a new professor, but how had Remy not noticed that last name? Why did they share a last name? He had never once met this guzzling freakazoid they must've beat up under a bridge. Not before he taught the class, and even then, Remy wanted to skip all of the classes he were permitted to.

Break wasn't a normal name though. Break was his name. That damned fool must've took his name. Uhuh. Remy slouched in his already constricting seat like a boulder that rolled into the classroom and somehow got stuffed in the desk.

When the professor had walked in, his breath reeked of moonshine and Remy stared at him. Remy knew the name. It was the name his mother would growl out when she was angry during trying times. 'George Break', that stupid idiot was named by this human idiot that probably dwarfed him.

He wasn't leaving, no. He knew that now, especially since the shrewed face crapper they hired said a name that made him wonder what the hell was going on.

He didn't trust the professor, nor did he like him. But he was not leaving until he got answers. He spoke up loudly, ignoring the yapping the professor was going to make. Though, his words were predominately in Giant. "Ma Remy, voo rev tet zema. ma tartsov voos knerrsoom up voo zot taf ma. taf ma zow! u wuf baet voo op!" (Me Remy, you say dad name. Me destroy your classroom if you not tell me. Tell me now! I will beat you up!)

--
@Elmo Break | @Logan Baird

Elmo felt his head twitch with a twang when Remy, his stupid, pathetic half brother spoke loudly in words that sounded like utter gibberish. Though he didn't flinch from the noise, he had grown up with louder. But, he did stare at Remy like Remy was some sort of puzzle he refused to solve.

"Ah, fantastic. We have a bloody linguist in the room." He muttered as he rubbed his temple with the hand not holding anything. "Exactly what I needed today, a student yelling at me in a language I won't understand." He took a swig and pointed the jar vaguely in Remy's direction.

"Listen, Boulder Boy, if you're trying to threaten me, get in line. George Break beat you to it by about twenty six years and he was louder, stupider and somehow even worse at parenting than you are sitting in that chair without breaking it." He put the jar down and opened the book to a not-so-random page.

He didn't bother looking at the page because he knew what page they were on. He stared at the class with a dead and exhausted expression as if he were traumatized and had to relive it for educational purposes.

He held up the opened book, showcasing the pages it were on, to the class. Like it was evidence for a murder trial. "This delightful little chapter is titled... 'George Break I Hate You'." He put the book down. "My first cousin is someone you know. Octavius Baird, my first removed cousin is a hellbent horrible nerd goblin boy, Clark Baird. They're related to the Bairds in this school, but me? I'm only related to those two nerds just because George Break married a woman whose sister had a bunch of Baird Children."

He pinched the bridge of his nose like the very memory had physically beat him up. "For those of you who don't understand how family trees work, which, judging by your blank little faces, is most of you... let me go grab some crayons and start drawing." He didn't, but he was going to reilterate what he was trying to say. "George Break couldn't keep his vows simple, nor his life, so because of him I ended up related to the wrinkled old hag that's apparently forty years old and keeps adopting these kids. His last ones he named stupid in other languages!" Elmo scoffed, rolling his eyes.

He flipped to another page. "The Time I Got A New Brother." Oh, he remembered writing this. Oh he was going to cringe so bad reading this. He put the book down briefly to empty the jar of moonshine. In no way was he wanting to remember reading this.

He cleared his throat and read as solomnly and as monotone as he could.

I hate this school. I hate my life. I hate George most of all. Today was already awful. I woke up late, Thatch stole all of my trousers from my drawers and I had to go to my classes in my pajama bottoms because I didn't even have dress pants to wear, not even boxer shorts to pretend were shorts. No, I had to go in my pajamas. Someone else in the dorm, I'm pretty sure was also Thatch, poured vinegar in my shampoo bottle! But no, apparently that wasn't all my day would entail.

Because apparently, during breakfast, I found out I have another brother. Not because anyone wrote me a letter, but because Thatch, the stupidest brother I can think of, came sprinting into the Great Hall screaming, "ELMOOOOO YOU'RE A BIG BROTHER AGAIN! YOU'LL CHANGE DIAPERS ONCE AGAIN!" And I felt my face go tomato red in shame and anger. Who did it? It was George. I stood up as if to yell at Thatch, but I was apparently too distracted trying to protect my dignity that Thatch pantsed me in front of everyone. I swear on Merlin's wrinkly skin that.

No. I'm not writing what I was going to say. If anyone found this journal, they'd probably show it to Thatch and he'd humiliate me more. The point is! I got pantsed, dad had a new stupid baby and Thatch announced to everyone the Break family shame. A shame to me. How could I be related to these idiots?

Anyways, when I pulled my pants up, I looked at Thatch who was laughing his head off and grabbed his arm as if to give him an indian tan. "How did you know? Who told you?" I remember asking.. though a lot more crudely.

I, of course, sat down and stuffed my face as Thatch spent forever getting to the point. Mom sent an owl to all of us, Thatch just happened to be in the owlery to get the letter. Turns out, Dad slept with a Giant and the Giant showed up and was pissed off that George didn't bother to stay to care for the child and just abandoned her and the baby. The baby had a name, Remy.

Of course, Thatch shoved my head into the plate of peas and walked off as my ears burned a new shade of red. Later that evening, when I was taking my shower, Thatch ran in and took my extra clothes and my towel I was going to use to dry off while I was in the shower, tossing them out into the corridors while yelling another announcement that wasn't so great. I had a second baby brother. Oh god.

The last thing I remember before running off to my dorm was feeling hate and regret. I was freezing from the cold air, apparently the proud sibling of two new brothers that I did not ask for, of whom I did not want or even know existed until my trousers were around my ankles.

I hate this family, I hate this school. I hate George Break most of all. I could deal with Thatch. That's his stupid attempt of being funny and popular. But dad? He was a trashcan that was overflowing with maggots to me. Dead to me. I was angry.
- October 30th 2014

When he finished reading, he closed the book and stared angrily at Remy. Hopefully that boy wasn't as dimwitted as his mother or father was.

Remy snorted loudly. His snort was not necessarily even a laugh, but more like the kind that implied or said, 'ha, loser'. He muttered a few words in giant under his breath, confused by most of what Elmo was saying, with the exception of understanding a few of the most embarrassing parts in there for Elmo. He didn't even understand the part that stated, 'The baby had a name, Remy.'

Remy blinked then stood up and looked over Elmo's shoulders as if to see if he could see where this Remy was mentioned, because surely that Remy wasn't this Remy. ".. Huh." He murmured as he walked back to his seat. He spoke in Giant (I don't wanna translate) "Weird coincidence. That kid has my name. That is weird." He didn't connect a single dot. Not even the faintest outline of a dot. He just shrugged.

When Elmo stopped talking, he looked at his face and met his stare. The very stare that could peel paint off of the walls, just because Elmo was that ugly. Remy froze for a brief second.

Then his brain, which apparently seemed to be made of rocks, hope and two working neurons all held together by gum that was losing its adhesiveness, decided to double down. He puffed out his chest and lifted his chin as if he were to play the tough boy 'you wanna kick my ass I kick yours first' role. He thought he was going to say something clever. Instead, it was pathetic and sucky.

"Loser."

Then when he stood up, his foot caught the leg of his own chair. The desk fell with the chair and Remy went down like a fallen tree. With a loud thud, the floors shook a little. His legs kicked up and his arms flailed. He scrambled to his feet, slipped on his own sandals and smacked his forehead on the edge of the tilted desk with a loud bonk that echoed like a bell.

He popped back up with his face red and his hair sticking up and the shirt crooked. He fixed his seat and decided not to sit there anymore. The desk and chair betrayed him worse than when they were playing a little game of Giant Keep Away back home. He instead just sat down on a student's desk and blocked their view.

Elmo watched Remy topple, flail, smack his head.. and act like a clumsy oaf and then plant his tall self on another student's desk like some sort of pigeon? He just stared with annoyance and anger into Remy's presence.

He inhaled sharply through his nose and snapped. "GET. OFF. THAT. DESK." His voice cracked like a whip and half the class jumped. Elmo slammed the journal shut so hard that dust puffed out of the pages. "Sit your giant, clumsy, brain cell deficient ass in a chair, Remy. A chair. A normal chair. One with legs. Preferably ones you won't trip over, but I'm not holding my breath."

He stood up and walked over to Remy. "And wipe that dumb look off your face. Yes, you. The dumb one who can't even stand up straight." He heard the silent class go even more silent. If one couldn't tell the difference, you could feel it. "Because in case your two remaining neurons didn't catch it, and clearly they didn't, that journal entry I wrote? The one about the baby? The one with your name? The one about the giant woman banging on our door?" He slammed his hands on the desk.

"THAT. WAS. YOU." Elmo didn't stop, Remy did enough to piss him off over 12 years. "Oh don't give me that goldfish stare. Don't you dare. It's not a coincidence. You think there's another Remy Break out there whose half giant, born in 2014? I saw how you perked up at the mention of George Break, I know that name is familiar to you. Use your head. No, actually, don't. You'll hurt yourself."

He felt his eyes burning as he felt the need to dumb things down and state it plainly. "You're my brother, you walking hideous little oaf. My half brother. My father's mistake, my curse. And you didn't even notice!" Elmo let out a strangled, exhausted laugh that basically just pointed out his weariness.

"So sit down, Remy. Sit down before you fall again and I have to explain to the headmaster why my brother concussed himself trying to act tough! I do not think Lear likes me and I would very much so prefer to stay employed." He pointed at the nearest empty chair. "NOW."

Remy didn't even move from the desk. He stared at Elmo with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open looking as if he were that wall outlet you'd plug your computer charger into. The words 'you're my brother' was still bouncing around his skull like a rubber ball in an empty room.

Then his face went red, then purple, then red again. He didn't bother speaking or thinking, he just moved. Remy shoved himself off of the desk he was sitting on so fast and he stomped towards Elmo with a stiff and jerky walk of someone who was powered by adrenaline and stupidity. He didn't punch Elmo, nor kick him. He did something worse. He grabbed Elmo by the back of his shirt, one handed as if he were picking up a misbehaving cat, and lifted him off the ground several inches. Elmo's feet dangled and his shirt bunched up under Remy's fist. The class that was there was apparently getting a show.

Remy didn't say a word at all. He instead just held him there and stared at him with a look on his face that was furious, confused and betrayed as if he was saying that he didn't know what was happening but he was mad about it. Without warning, he dropped Elmo and Remy didn't stop.

Remy grabbed the journal off of Elmo's desk and yeeted it across the room. It hit the wall, bounced off and landed directly into Elmo's trash can for things that were gross to touch- like peanut butter covered sandwiches.

Remy's last act involved him grabbing Elmo's beloved wand and snapping it. Not that it would've stopped Elmo from casting spells, but it made Remy think it was enough to be a jerk. Maybe it was time for him to leave. On his way out, he slammed his fist into a random student's shoulder (Let's say the damage was 250) and he flipped off Elmo on his way out of the door.

Elmo didn't move as he stared at the snapped wand in Remy's hand, the red marks from his shirt in his skin, the boy that got punched now on the verge of tears.

Now, that is a Break. Elmo wasn't going to punish him, he was actually quite proud. He wasn't a wimp, dumb as a sack of rocks but he wasn't a pathetic loser like his dad was.

Elmo bent down and picked up the two halves of his wand and tossed them into the trash. He'll just go buy another one at Ollivanders later, it'll likely be the exact same.

He cast accio to get his journal out of the trash then cast scourgify. Both casted nonverbally and wandlessly. The disgusting things that latched onto his book vanished away and it was clean again.

He straightened his clothes and brushed off any potential dust Remy would've left behind. He turned towards the door Remy had stormed out of and clenched his jaws tightly, it looked as if it might crack. "Class dismissed." He said flatly, his voice low and dangerous. He wasn't yelling. No, if anything, he needed to save his voice to have a shout-off with a kid who didn't seem to understand the word no.

He put the journal back on his desk and left the classroom before the other students so he could chase down Remy.

[Elmo and Remy have left the thread]