a transforming grade pv

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Lauren widened her eyes at Emmy's friendliness. They had just met for -- what, ten minutes, and she was already asking Lauren if she wanted Emmy to get something for her. Lauren didn't really need it -- her next class was to be Defense Against the Dark Arts, which, in her opinion, was easy. She had enough practice with defending herself from her family. They were the 'dark arts' in her life.

She racked her brain for her lesson materials, and decided that she didn't need anything from Emmy. Much as she appreciated her offer, she didn't want to bother Emmy when it wasn't necessary. The girl had already done enough for her by being by her side when she was feeling like a failure. Without her, Lauren would probably still be crying. And be late for Defense Against the Dark Arts. And... Lauren didn't want to think about it.

"Emmy, it's okay," Lauren began. "You really don't need to spend your precious money on a failure like me. And I don't really need anything... it's not necessary for me in this moment. Just don't go out of your way to buy it, okay? My family would probably throw it in the trash."

Crap.

Now Lauren would probably have a lot of explaining about her family to do. And after all that crying, she really wasn't looking forward to spend more of her energy to talk about them because she had mentioned them... and in such a negative way too.

Thinking back, that was far from the worst thing that ever happened to her. In her life where mistreatment from her family was standardised, her presents being thrown in the trash was as normal as eating.

And Lauren did not want to be further symphathised with.

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Lauren didn't know what to think when Emmy told her that she offered to buy her a present just because she wanted to. She didn't know how anyone would want to get her anything not out of necessity, not because they were threatened to do so, not because they were trying to win her over and manipulate her later. As someone who knew what people usually thought by looking at her expression from her experiences, the Slytherin could tell that Emmy wasn't planning everything. The offer had been genuine.

She found it hard to believe it. She'd grown used to the fact that everyone hated her, and that everyone thought that she was worthless. Correction: in truth, she was. She was a failure. She failed herself, and she would no longer be able to prove to her family that she was far more superior than them. She would no longer be a straight 'O' student. And she couldn't have that.

She had assumed that Emmy merely offered her a present because she felt sorry for her, or maybe because she didn't want to accept the fact that she would have to spend her Hogwarts life with a crybaby, and did it out of necessity. Not because she wanted to.

But... there was still a possibility that she interpreted Emmy wrongly. Maybe she actually was just doing it to make her feel better... because of the stupid hints about her family that she leaked. But Lauren hated it when others deliberately did something out of their way to help her. It made her feel weak and dependent. She could take on her family and show them that their opinions didn't matter by not caring about them! She knew how to displease them and get back at them from her many years of experience! Even more than that, she hated having to rely on people.

"Why can't people just let me be?" she wondered out loud, hating herself for leaking the information. Then she slapped her forehead as she heard her voice, loud and clear, and realised with a pang that Emmy probably also heard it. Now she really was going to appear as a spoiled brat, which was not the impression she wanted to make. Sure, she'd been talking to Emmy for quite a handful of minutes, but this was still the first time they met.

She didn't want her newfound friend -- she didn't know if a friendship was actually formed, but she hoped that it was -- to think badly of her. She didn't want to appear as if she didn't value her and instead thought that she was annoying! And even more than that, she didn't want Emmy to think that the friendship -- if it even was a friendship in Emmy's eyes -- they just formed was a lie.

I hate you! She shouted at herself, cursing under her breath. Apologise at once! How can you say that in front of someone you owe so much to, someone who's this amazing and does things that you obviously don't deserve to you!

Oh, how she'd forgotten that apologies existed before that part of her brain told her. Cursing herself once again, Lauren opened her mouth and said, stutteringly, "I'm so sorry, Emmy! I didn't mean that, was just thinking about random things. It's not directed at you, so you don't have to worry." She tried to flash Emmy a warm smile, to tell her that it was merely stupidity on her part, but was unsuccessful. How could she smile when life was just so damn bad?

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