One Step Forward PV Linda

Reyna felt like she was dying. Not in the dramatic sense people joked about, but really truly. Her body refused to cooperate with her. Each breath she took, her chest ached. Each step she took, her legs shook. Each time she swallowed, her mouth burned. Sounds of coughing echoed her bedroom over and over again and tissues littered the floors, crumpled and forgotten. This was not a healthy environment to be living in.
She was glad she didn’t have a roommate this year. Not that she could have handled one anyway. The noise, the questions, it would have been too much. That wasn’t her anymore, not since her grandpa died.
Her grandpa had been a huge part of her life. He had been the one who taught her how to heal.
And now he was gone. She wished he was alive now. She had felt this same strong feeling this entire summer. But this Valentine’s Day the feeling was so much more stronger. If he were here, he would know what she should do.
Reyna glanced toward the door. The Hospital Wing wasn’t far. Someone there could fix this, quickly, easily. But she didn’t move. Part of her wanted to get better. Another part… didn’t.
Staying here, and suffering, felt easier than trying. Easier than facing people. Easier than pretending she was okay.
But in her head a part of her screamed to get up, to get out, to go to the Hospital Wing or better yet heal herself. Get up. Do something. It was like she was having an internal debate with herself. But finally her thoughts won.
Her hand moved almost on its own, reaching for the journal beside her bed. It was always there. This journal had been with her through the ups and downs these past six months. Reyna flipped through the journal and finally found what she was looking for, a particular potion that would help her recover. First the Pepperup Potion then the Cough Potion. That would fix whatever she had right now.
Reyna stared at the page for a long moment. All she had to do… was try. It took longer than it should have to convince herself. Minutes then hours, she lost track of time, her thoughts circling through the same things again and again and again. He would want you to do this.
He wouldn’t have wanted her to drown in misery. He would’ve wanted her to move on. He would have wanted her to do this. That was all Reyna needed to get up.
She slowly lifted herself up from her bed. Just one step at a time. One step forward. One more step. Each step she took her head throbbed. Pain shot up in her legs from not moving for so long. Her chest ached. Her muscles were weak. Her breath was ragged. Everything hurt. But she made it out of her room. That thought remained in her head. He would have wanted her to do this.
She kept going out of her room, to the corridors. She could have turned toward the Hospital Wing. She didn’t. If she went there, someone else would fix it. Someone else would take over. And maybe that would be easier. But it wouldn’t be hers.
Part of her didn't know why she was doing this. Why wasn’t she just going straight to the Hospital Wing? Someone could heal her there. But no. She wanted to do it herself. She wanted to do it the hard way.
She wanted to struggle, because it felt like the only thing she had left of him. Of what he had taught her. So she chose the harder path. Even if it hurt. Even if it was reckless. Even if she was clearly stupid. Even if it didn’t work.
She would get what she needed. Brew it herself. And prove to him, to herself, to everyone out there, that she wasn't broken, even though she felt like she was.
Maybe this would fix her. Help her go back to normal. And she had to take that chance, that risky leap to find her happiness again. Just for the chance to feel that sense of warmth she felt before. No one else could understand it, but she did it anyway.
She kept walking.