Reopened 06.08 Let's Just Breathe pv brookline

date- January 7th, 2025 location- great hall time- after dinner

wc- 414 interacting/mentioning- @Brookline Quinn ooc notes- i’m so sorry this took so long

The twisted pattern of self-blame and hatred, love and acceptance, was more convoluted and horrific than any horror novel. When you were a daughter, you were entered into something mirroring a war. When your dad turned out to be just another man incapable of recognizing love, you were fighting something so terminal it couldn’t be diagnosed.

Sage had long ago accepted that her father would never recognize how much she’d been struggling. Her mum wasn’t going to crawl out of the grave and save the day. There may never be an end. There may never be an apology. There might just be her, fighting against the tide pushing in.

She watched Brook recoil, watched the physical presentation of someone else’s hatred. She couldn’t bear this. “This isn’t your fault,” she repeated. “It is not your fault he didn’t choose you. It is not your fault this happened. It is not your fault he failed. I swear to God, this is not your fault.”

Once upon a time, Sage blamed herself, too. She’d decided her dad’s choice of being against love was her fault, that she chose to be a witch and ruin his life. She would have done anything to change his mind. Then she was angry. Hated herself for being mad. Cursed herself for being upset.

Crawling out of that trench, dug down so deep you could peer into Hell, had been a death sentence in itself.

Learning it wasn’t her fault had been like setting water on fire.

Figuring out she didn’t have to cry everyday was a breath of fresh air.

What did she have to do to help Brook through this? What did she have to do to make the pain go away when she wasn’t so sure what laid ahead?

She could feel the weight of silence beginning to threaten everything. “I know you might not want to believe this is okay, but this is okay. This is the way I would react, too. It’s, dare I say, healthy to feel so conflicted. It means you're a good person. It proves you are capable of love.”

She paused, wiping dried tears from her face. “I don’t know why he chose to do this, I wish I could give you a sure answer, but I don’t know either. And I think that’s okay. We don’t have to explain someone else’s behavior, but we can explain that it hurts. We can go on without it.”

I will go on without it.

ℬrookline exhaled as tears tracked down her white face. She was quite sure she had puffy eyes, and she felt such a terrible ache in her chest. She didn’t know what to do. Fine, it was said. Brookline Isabella Quinn doesn’t know what to do. She just didn’t know. She was as clueless as the next person and she didn’t want anyone to know that she didn’t know what to do. To her, it wasn’t a normal thing. Brookline thought you lived a life where everything was marked, mapped out for you. Distinctly, life was nowhere near that claim.

It pained her to see Sage cover her face. Was Brookline really that ugly and annoying? Was she not understanding what her friend was saying? She was a Ravenclaw; she had to understand. If she didn’t understand, or her academic scores were pulled out underneath her, who is she? Who really was Brookline?

Sage was really trying. She kept on talking, hitting on the points that Brookline needed to hear. Her last words rattled on and on in the Ravenclaw’s brain.

I swear to God, this is not your fault. I swear to God...

Then whose was it? Brookline searched and searched for someone to blame but her search only came up as only her. Her mum always told her how nice her father was, and Brookline knew, that as far as she could remember that Chase never showed any ounce of that Hufflepuff kindness. Never. An ounce was all Brookline wanted. A pint, for crying out loud! She would trade anything, sell anything to bring back those lovely memories of her mum’s back to her father. She would also do anything. She probably wouldn’t trade her tail and voice for legs like the mermaid did in Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid, but she would trade anything else for her father’s loyalty.

I’m capable of love? No way. Who knew? Brookline asked herself when Sage finished her sentence. She knew she was being stingy and stubborn but at this time she didn’t care. She knew she should be a better person, and try to change, but Chase changed and see where it got him! Brookline would rather stay right here, just so she doesn’t change so bad that it wouldn’t just affect her, but everyone else around her. The young Quinn brought her knees to her chest and she could feel tears pricking her eyes. No, not again! I’m not going to cry. It’s not for pity. First no emotion, then anger, and now sadness. Brookline was a mess today, full of emotions and she didn’t know the first thing to control them. Anyways, emotions sucks, and there was no way to fix them.

Brookline exhaled again, her breath rattling as her heart banged inside her chest. Her tear ducts were ready to empty yet again and here her heart goes, bang, bang, bang, bang like a cartoon rifle.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Goes on like a circus, over and over and over again. Even when you’re bored and ready for it to cease. No more noise. No more. Brookline tilted her head up again as Sage spoke again, and she pondered. How could Sage say so many uplifting things when she was dealing with the same exact thing? Her father didn’t like the fact that Sage was a witch, and decided to be cruel. Why and how wasn’t she angry? How wasn’t she? It was hard for Brookline to wrap her head around and she felt like her body was having a full-on war, her sides ripping apart, akin to a tug-of-war.

Even though Brookline nodded to Sage, to pretend that she understood (even though she really didn’t), her mind kept turning. The gears of her brain were clanking and working. She kept wondering how that it was okay that they didn’t know why. Why would it be okay? Brookline was supposed to analyze and ask questions and everything else that you do. Why wasn’t there a known answer? Why did it have to be a mystery? Brookline didn’t ask for that. She didn’t. So why was it happening? Brookline sighed. She glanced at her loyal, kind friend and she wondered what she did to deserve such a friend? She was a monster and monsters didn’t deserve family or friends. Now she could see it, it was a no wonder why her father left, he was clearly teaching her that monsters like her didn’t deserve a father. There was a flaw, though. What did her mum and siblings do to deserve this? They were perfect angel while Brookline had sinful lips and mind. What did they do?

Brookline didn’t know how much longer she could go on. It seemed like every day, ever step was a dreary drudgery and even heavier burden. Her eyes and hair weren’t the same. She wasn’t sure if she was still the same. Oh how God knew how much she wanted out of this trap. But was she really trapped? Was she just there of her own accord, did her own mind lead her here? Brookline shook her head, her fingers shaking like a lone and worn out tire swing in the wind. Could she belong here when she was so exhausted and tired of absolutely everything? Did she ever belong here in the very first place?

Can I just go one precious day with my brain blocked? Oh my Lord.

Brookline turned to gaze into the distance, watching yakking students finish their warm suppers, having oh so glorious fun with their wonderful friends. She wished she could be a tiny first year again, where she was so carefree and blissful. Oh to give anything to sniff the flowers without thinking of harmful thoughts and her family. Oh to give anything to stroll outside without wondering if anyone actually cared about her. Oh to give absolutely anything to be able to sit alone without the voices yelling at her.

She inhaled, the breath shaky but she knew one wrong move and the salty ocean would be fighting to escape the clear coast. Brookline remained quiet, her whole being forcing the tears back.

occ note: i’m so sorry that i didn’t get to this reply til today :[