To whomever it concerns
Self reflection is the gateway to freedom. –unknown.
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Dear stranger,
I am not perfect, I don't even come close to perfection, if anything I'm worst of the good people, that if I even make it to being a good person.
I'll admit I hurt my friends before, I never meant to, but I did, because I didn't think before speaking, I should have, but I didn't, the one I remember most was when I was 9 years old.
That day I was frustrated, I don't remember the cause, but I remember being done with everything, I just wanted the day to end, but time doesn't go faster just because you want it to. I went to the playground close by, I sat on a swing and stared at nothing.
Apparently a girl from my school saw me, because next thing I saw her coming and joining me, she sat on the swing beside me. I didn't talk with her much before, I don't know if I should call her a friend, but I care about her, because she has been very kind to me.
She talked to me, trying to make me smile, but at that time I couldn't care less about anyone, I harshly told her that she should stop pretending to be an angel, and to just go and play with her other friends, she left, I didn't feel any remorse at that moment, I just went on with my day and didn't see the girl until next week.
When I saw her, I couldn't help but be ashamed of myself, I repaid her kindness with nothing but harshness, I should have apologised back then and there, but I didn't, which is a mistake, I should have told her that she's such a kind soul, and my words were all lies that I didn't think through, but I didn't.
I kept avoiding her for weeks, in the end, I apologised twice, once for the words I said, and another for the time it took me to apologise, she seemed to have understood I was just frustrated back then, but I don't know if she forgave me, I hope she did, we never talked again, but as one last token of apology, I left her chocolate and math notes on her school desk.
–Haru.
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Haru
To whomever it concerns
When you forgive you free your soul, but when you say I'm sorry, you free two souls. –Donald L. Hicks.
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Dear stranger,
I didn't hurt someone specifically this time, this time it's a collection of mistakes that I never got the chance to apologise for.
I judged a person once, he looked scary and I thought he was going to hurt someone, but then I saw him helping an elderly woman cross the street, I don't know him, but I judged him and therefore, I'm sorry, if him or anyone in his place reads this, I want them to know I'm sorry for what I did, and for what other people may have did.
I was buying something at a shop once and accidentally caused a few things on display to fall, it's intact, but I definitely caused more work for the staff, if them or anyone in their place read this, I want them to know I'm sorry for what I did, and for what other people may have did.
I threw trash on the street once when I couldn't find a trash bin, I should have been more patient and looked for a trash bin, I apologise to the workers who had to do more work because of me, I should have been more responsible.
I was sad once and a person looked at me and became sad, I should have smiled at them to spread happiness instead of being gloomy, I'm sorry, I hope I didn't ruin your day.
Those all look like small things, but I could have ruined someone's day, I'm sorry, I'm sorry if anything I thought trivial caused great pain.
I forgive anyone who genuinely didn't want to hurt me but accidentally did, so please forgive me too.
–Haru.
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Haru
To whomever it concerns
Be the change you wish to see in the world. –Mahatma Gandhi.
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Dear stranger,
Everyone has things that can be used to change them for the worst, even the best of people, we're all just human after all. It could be something small or big, but what matters is that you struggle with it.
I will not lie, but I will not share everything. One of the things that I struggle with is loneliness and another is overthinking. Loneliness consumes me, I always feel like no matter how much people love me and include me, there will always be this transparent wall that I can't pass through, like I'll never be anyone's best friend, and will never be anyone's first choice.
That's what I feel, but I have the tendency to step out of my own shoes and look from others' point of view, am I really not included by them or is this just my own feeling?
It's neither, I really am not included, but I am the one not including myself, I am the one who distances myself because I think the others dislike being around me, but really, who are "the others" I keep talking about it?! Aren't they my friends? The people who accepted me with all my mistakes? Why do I think they dislike me?
I know why, this leads to second thing that consumes me, overthinking. I love thinking, that's why I love hard subjects, I can direct my thinking skills at it, but with every blessing comes a challenge. When I'm not thinking about numbers or potion ingredients, I'm thinking about others' reactions to my every word, which proved helpful sometimes, it makes me make good plans, but overthinking also burns all my energy, I'm always too tired to do even the basic things, and it makes me scared of doing even the most simple and normal things.
But, I have good things about me too, I love helping others, and I can look from others' point of view, maybe the overthinking makes me care about others more. I'm really proud of helping those around me, it feels like light. When I help people I feel better, I feel like I'm not alone! After all, if I need help one day, they'll be there for me, everyone I ever helped!
It might sound like just a dream, but truthfully, when I help someone, I get helped with something in return, not necessarily from the same person, but it comes back, it really does.
Therefore, from now on, I want to make more friendships and help more people, especially those struggling like me, I want to live my life the way I want, don't get me wrong, I'll not help all the time, I want to be the first person you think of when you need help, but also the first person you think of when you want to share your happiness and success.
I can't be everyone's best friend or first choice, but I would like to be someone's. If I ever became a person who can help, I will help, that's the rule I set from myself unconsciously long ago, but now I stated it, so that I'll never forget it.
Thank you for listening, kind stranger.
–Haru.
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Haru