20 Mar 2020, 16:32
Pondering Everything
When Flash leaned his head on hers and took Opeila's hand, she suddenly felt totally calm again. Safe. Gently she layed her other hand on his as well.
When he asked her if she wanted to tell him, she knew what the answer had to be. There was no way that she could say no to it now. Also, she didn't even want to. He shared with her, now it was her turn to share with him. "You really want to hear it?" She was relieved that her voice was steady somehow. The Slytherin cleared her throat. "Alright... Where do I start. Well first you need to know, that I am a halfblood. I live with my muggle dad and witch mother. My grandmother, who I inherited the seer ability from, lives next to us." It was hard to speak of home. She already felt her chest tighten at the thought of it. How could she go back there in the holidays? She couldn't. There was no way she could go into this empty house. Empty of life. "You probably already figured out that I have- had a sister. My dad was my mother's second marriage. She lived with another man before, a wizard and then got pregnant with Maybell. Maybell happened to be a squib though and she ran away, out of fear that his family might do something to her or Maybell. Then she found my dad, who adopted Maybell like she was his own child and my mother married him. He didn't know anything about magic back then. When my mother told him about it, he didn't want to have anything to do with it. And she already was pregnant with me. Maybell was only three years old." Opeila paused. Thinking of Maybell hurt as well. She only had few memories of her older sister, but she knew that they had loved each other a lot. "When I was five, Lady Margary- my grandmother- sensed that I was a witch. My dad let my mum no choice. He sent Maybell to an orphanage. He didn't want her to grow up with magic. He really loved Maybell, he was only very concerned that I could have hurt her. I mean, I could have, right? I couldn't control my magic at five years old..." It was her existence that destroyed somebody else's childhood. Somebody she loved. Wasn't that proof enough that she was bad? Opeila paused again. She had to catch herself again. Talking about it made it real and it heard so much that Opeila had problems to breathe. Her hands held Flash's a little tighter than before, subconsiously looking for something she could hold on to. "I did this to her, even though I loved her...", she wispered and then cleared her throat again. "And he was right. When I was at primary school, we used to play hide and seek on the playground and I was hiding in a bush. The seeker found me and tried to scare me from behind, but when he tried to push the leaves away, he cut his hands because I somehow turned the leaves to stone. My teachers sent a letter to my dad, telling him that I hurt a child with a knife. They of course wouldn't believe the real story. My dad wouldn't let me leave my room for a weekend and after that I was a freak. My teachers put me into a box as a child with behaviour issues. At home I am a freak..."
"After Maybell was gone, my mother barely left the cellar anymore. My dad was the master of the house and basically my only parent. He forbid my grandmother to tell me anything about magic. He would tell me off if I'd accidentally do something. My mum is a herbologist who was always very interested in potions and herbs. She started to experiment with them and try them on herself. So beginnign of this year..." Opeila couldn't continue. She wasn't crying but the pain was practically written on her face. Showing in her eyes as she looked at the lake. "Sorry...", she wispered and then pulled herself together. "Beginning of this year I was owled that my mum is in the St Mungo's. She took one of her potion and it went wrong. She is in some sort of come. No one knows if she is going to wake up or just sleep forever. Or maybe eventually will drift off..." Her voice broke again and a shiver ran through the little girl. "I should be prepared. I should say goodbye to her now, but how can I say goodbye to my mum?" Her voice was shaking. "I have hated her so much for not being a parent to me. And I have blamed my dad for all of it, he would not stop her, he would not do anything about her selfdestructive behaviour. After it went well for years I just forgot the fear of something happening to her. An now it did." Was it selfish of her to see it as her punishment? Probably. She still did it. Opeila wiped a tear of her cheek as soon as it left her eye. No crying. She had no right to cry. "It is my existence that did all this... If I wasn't there, nothing of this would have happened. And I've hurt them all so much... I've blamed them when I should have blamed myself. For all of it." Her hands were shaking. Now came the part that was the most present to her. That she was forced to think of every day.
"The first person I met here, was Jack Burnett. He... he seemed different. So I partly told hem. About the fear. And he did understand. He was there. And I know that he cared..." She was scared to tell him. It just supported the thought of herself as an unloveable person... "After my mum poisoned herself, I didn't eat and sleep for days. And Jack saw me and he got worried. Threatened that he would knock me out with a sleeping spell if he knew one. Then this Ravenclaw guy Gem Stuart kind of jokingly said that he could brew me some Draught of Living Death. Jack hadn't listened probably and asked him to do it. When he realised that, he told me that he doesn't make friends. That he was going to leave. He was shaking. He didn't want to, I know that. And then... He took a forgetfulness potion. Or something else. Whatever it was, he forgot me. So how cam I even blame him now. He can't remember." Again she stopped. Opeila had gotten used to those facts, but the next was the most painful. "The same happened to Ruka after the Valentine's Tea. I thought that everything was goingt to repeat itself, but he came back to Ruka. So... It must be something about me, that keeps people away. I mean, what else could it be..." The little girl was shaking, she was sure that Flash could feel it. "That's why I'm scared to tell people. I told Jack that I liked him. That I was scared to lose him. And I lost him anyway." She bit her lip, not bothering about holding her tears back anymore. "And I don't want to lose you either..."
@Flash Holmwood
When he asked her if she wanted to tell him, she knew what the answer had to be. There was no way that she could say no to it now. Also, she didn't even want to. He shared with her, now it was her turn to share with him. "You really want to hear it?" She was relieved that her voice was steady somehow. The Slytherin cleared her throat. "Alright... Where do I start. Well first you need to know, that I am a halfblood. I live with my muggle dad and witch mother. My grandmother, who I inherited the seer ability from, lives next to us." It was hard to speak of home. She already felt her chest tighten at the thought of it. How could she go back there in the holidays? She couldn't. There was no way she could go into this empty house. Empty of life. "You probably already figured out that I have- had a sister. My dad was my mother's second marriage. She lived with another man before, a wizard and then got pregnant with Maybell. Maybell happened to be a squib though and she ran away, out of fear that his family might do something to her or Maybell. Then she found my dad, who adopted Maybell like she was his own child and my mother married him. He didn't know anything about magic back then. When my mother told him about it, he didn't want to have anything to do with it. And she already was pregnant with me. Maybell was only three years old." Opeila paused. Thinking of Maybell hurt as well. She only had few memories of her older sister, but she knew that they had loved each other a lot. "When I was five, Lady Margary- my grandmother- sensed that I was a witch. My dad let my mum no choice. He sent Maybell to an orphanage. He didn't want her to grow up with magic. He really loved Maybell, he was only very concerned that I could have hurt her. I mean, I could have, right? I couldn't control my magic at five years old..." It was her existence that destroyed somebody else's childhood. Somebody she loved. Wasn't that proof enough that she was bad? Opeila paused again. She had to catch herself again. Talking about it made it real and it heard so much that Opeila had problems to breathe. Her hands held Flash's a little tighter than before, subconsiously looking for something she could hold on to. "I did this to her, even though I loved her...", she wispered and then cleared her throat again. "And he was right. When I was at primary school, we used to play hide and seek on the playground and I was hiding in a bush. The seeker found me and tried to scare me from behind, but when he tried to push the leaves away, he cut his hands because I somehow turned the leaves to stone. My teachers sent a letter to my dad, telling him that I hurt a child with a knife. They of course wouldn't believe the real story. My dad wouldn't let me leave my room for a weekend and after that I was a freak. My teachers put me into a box as a child with behaviour issues. At home I am a freak..."
"After Maybell was gone, my mother barely left the cellar anymore. My dad was the master of the house and basically my only parent. He forbid my grandmother to tell me anything about magic. He would tell me off if I'd accidentally do something. My mum is a herbologist who was always very interested in potions and herbs. She started to experiment with them and try them on herself. So beginnign of this year..." Opeila couldn't continue. She wasn't crying but the pain was practically written on her face. Showing in her eyes as she looked at the lake. "Sorry...", she wispered and then pulled herself together. "Beginning of this year I was owled that my mum is in the St Mungo's. She took one of her potion and it went wrong. She is in some sort of come. No one knows if she is going to wake up or just sleep forever. Or maybe eventually will drift off..." Her voice broke again and a shiver ran through the little girl. "I should be prepared. I should say goodbye to her now, but how can I say goodbye to my mum?" Her voice was shaking. "I have hated her so much for not being a parent to me. And I have blamed my dad for all of it, he would not stop her, he would not do anything about her selfdestructive behaviour. After it went well for years I just forgot the fear of something happening to her. An now it did." Was it selfish of her to see it as her punishment? Probably. She still did it. Opeila wiped a tear of her cheek as soon as it left her eye. No crying. She had no right to cry. "It is my existence that did all this... If I wasn't there, nothing of this would have happened. And I've hurt them all so much... I've blamed them when I should have blamed myself. For all of it." Her hands were shaking. Now came the part that was the most present to her. That she was forced to think of every day.
"The first person I met here, was Jack Burnett. He... he seemed different. So I partly told hem. About the fear. And he did understand. He was there. And I know that he cared..." She was scared to tell him. It just supported the thought of herself as an unloveable person... "After my mum poisoned herself, I didn't eat and sleep for days. And Jack saw me and he got worried. Threatened that he would knock me out with a sleeping spell if he knew one. Then this Ravenclaw guy Gem Stuart kind of jokingly said that he could brew me some Draught of Living Death. Jack hadn't listened probably and asked him to do it. When he realised that, he told me that he doesn't make friends. That he was going to leave. He was shaking. He didn't want to, I know that. And then... He took a forgetfulness potion. Or something else. Whatever it was, he forgot me. So how cam I even blame him now. He can't remember." Again she stopped. Opeila had gotten used to those facts, but the next was the most painful. "The same happened to Ruka after the Valentine's Tea. I thought that everything was goingt to repeat itself, but he came back to Ruka. So... It must be something about me, that keeps people away. I mean, what else could it be..." The little girl was shaking, she was sure that Flash could feel it. "That's why I'm scared to tell people. I told Jack that I liked him. That I was scared to lose him. And I lost him anyway." She bit her lip, not bothering about holding her tears back anymore. "And I don't want to lose you either..."
@Flash Holmwood
22 Mar 2020, 20:16
Pondering Everything
Opeila seemed to relax the tension in her body, melting into the partial embrace they had, wrapped their hands up tightly together. Then, she started to explain. Everything, from the beginning.
She began to describe her family unit, including the amazing fact that she had inherited some kind of seer ability. He didn’t even know what that meant, besides knowing the term from fantasy books he had read. In them, a seer was someone who could see visions-- was Opeila someone who saw things like that? Flash was dreadfully curious, but it was quickly passed over, as though it was common knowledge to everyone. Flash couldn’t help but feel ridiculous for missing such a crucial detail about Opeila’s life.
It was soon forgotten when she continued, detailing the break that had happened when her mother and sister fled the magical family to protect her from something-- from what? His sister was also a squib, and one of the strongest, most capable women he knew. It didn’t stop her from excelling far past her older brothers in business acumen and animal handling. Even given the descrimination against her birth order and gender, she had placed herself to become the matriarch of the family going forward.
But Opeila’s family was not his. Neither Maybell’s father nor Opeila’s had accepted their children as they were. For Maybell, a magical father who didn’t want a squib, and for Opeila, a muggle father who didn’t want magic. How unlucky could one woman get, to fall in love with such intolerable men. Flash could feel nothing but frustration. He didn’t know either gentleman, but the close-minded behavior that caused others to suffer so that they could feel comfortable was something he despised.
It was a cheap escape, one that prioritized one’s own happiness at the cost of whatever minor inconvenience stood in its way. A sign of bad character, or shallow understanding of what it means to be a part of a family. A family should accept its own, and take responsibility for its own. Instead, Maybell was cast into the world to be handled by someone else. The reasoning was impossible for Flash to follow.
He adopted her, loved her as his own child, Opeila suggested, but that hardly seemed like an act of love. It was unacceptable, yet somehow, against all rationale, Opeila thought it was because of her. Her father was responsible, not just for both of his children, but to make sure Opeila’s magic was under control. No matter how wild a child might be, it wasn’t nature that taught a child to behave. It was learning, patience, and instruction. How could he explain something like that to Opeila, who was so throughly convinced otherwise?
Had the bastard told her as much? Had he encouraged her to think she was to blame? With his apparent hatred of magic, had he made her feel ashamed of who she was? The possibilities ran rampant in his mind, the avenues of thought spread and multiplied, forming a web of connected dots. Broken… she thinks she was born wrong… pushing others away, it was all her magic ever did for her...
Opeila gripped his hand even tighter, squeezing. He took the opportunity to finish the connection by putting his other hand on top. There was still more.
Kept from school, called a freak, a smudge put on her record, lying about assault with a deadly weapon. What kind of poorly handled school threw such wild accusations and punishments. Certainly there was no proof of a knife being used, was it a fake narrative forced by one of the teachers, the students, her father? It was a miscarriage of justice, a failure of the system. Flash had a mind to call the school himself and have a word with the principal.
He couldn’t fix it. It was years ago now, and the damage had been done. The damage was still being done by that wretched man she called a father. Flash honestly couldn’t figure it out. Why had he sent the squib sister away if it was the magic that he hated? Was it because Opeila was his daughter by blood? It was a mess from top to bottom.
Then, the final straw. Opeila’s mother, hiding in the basement experimenting with potions. He had too little information to process her reasoning-- he would have to have met her-- but Opeila’s way of telling it made it sound like she was trying to escape. Escape from the life she had where her choices were ignored and her daughters were shamed for their very existence.
Opeila had to take a moment before she could continue, her face wracked with a sickly look of grief. Her mother was in a coma, and Opeila was considering the thought of her never waking up. It was no wonder she had been so distraught, it was something she had been carrying since before he met her. The pain that she was keeping inside her while she smiled and worked hard to do well in the school errands. Flash tried to consider being in her position-- his mother unresponsive, the possibility of her never saying another word to him again. It was overwhelming… eerie. The spectre of death hanging over her head, dangling her mother’s life before her, threatening to clip the string of life at any moment.
Flash could feel it. The sharp pain in his heart. Fear of death, of the future, of things one couldn’t control. It wasn’t as if he could bring Maybell back, teach her father a lesson, and raise her mother from her deathly slumber. At least not immidiately. He would have to try to do something. No situation was completely hopeless.
Opeila didn’t feel that way. Something happened to her? Was it… is it too late? She started to describe her frustrations-- at her mother, at her father, at herself. It shouldn’t have been at herself. She did nothing wrong, how could she not see it? She was a victim of all this-- a victim of circumstance.
But somehow that still wasn’t everything. It was the final part which made his blood truly boil. Her hands starting to involuntarily shake as she spoke, she described the incident with the forgetfulness potion. It was Burnett. Another person telling him with a straight face that Burnett cared, but he couldn’t get close. Throwing people away the moment they needed him the most.
It was sickening. The lack of culpability, the cowardice in the face of trouble. The offer of compassion, only to be jerked out from under their feet when it was too inconvienient for him. How nice for him, to escape so cleanly at the expense of others. He was a dirty bastard.
He returned to Ruka, but not to Opeila. Another swipe at her fragile sense of belonging. The picture was crystal clear at that point. A scenic view of a tragedy, laid bare in the small pocket of air before them. How could he convince her of the other point of view-- the one she couldn’t see from where she stood, so low to the ground watching the adults in her life fail her time and time again.
She began to cry, reiterating her fear that Flash would leave her side as well. It was cruel, that she bore the scars that others ought to have been carrying. Life was seldom fair when doling out its many wounds. Flash took the hand that had rested on top and wrapped it around her shoulder, bringing her into his chest so that she could dry her eyes on his shirt. He could already start to feel the tears seep through to his shoulder. He pulled up the cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders, letting her cry until the tears ran dry.
There was nothing to say anyway. His truth would sound like lies to her ears. It’s not your fault. It was never your fault. What did his words mean to her lifelong experience. It was something he would have to prove. He could find something, it wasn’t too late. Until he could formulate a plan of action however, all he could do was listen, and calm what little fear he had the power to speak on with certainty.
”I’m here, don’t worry. This doesn’t change anything, I’m not leaving.” He said it quietly, like meditative chanting. Believe me, I’ll do more than just stay. You have nothing to worry about. I’ll carry this with you.
@Opeila Seilun
She began to describe her family unit, including the amazing fact that she had inherited some kind of seer ability. He didn’t even know what that meant, besides knowing the term from fantasy books he had read. In them, a seer was someone who could see visions-- was Opeila someone who saw things like that? Flash was dreadfully curious, but it was quickly passed over, as though it was common knowledge to everyone. Flash couldn’t help but feel ridiculous for missing such a crucial detail about Opeila’s life.
It was soon forgotten when she continued, detailing the break that had happened when her mother and sister fled the magical family to protect her from something-- from what? His sister was also a squib, and one of the strongest, most capable women he knew. It didn’t stop her from excelling far past her older brothers in business acumen and animal handling. Even given the descrimination against her birth order and gender, she had placed herself to become the matriarch of the family going forward.
But Opeila’s family was not his. Neither Maybell’s father nor Opeila’s had accepted their children as they were. For Maybell, a magical father who didn’t want a squib, and for Opeila, a muggle father who didn’t want magic. How unlucky could one woman get, to fall in love with such intolerable men. Flash could feel nothing but frustration. He didn’t know either gentleman, but the close-minded behavior that caused others to suffer so that they could feel comfortable was something he despised.
It was a cheap escape, one that prioritized one’s own happiness at the cost of whatever minor inconvenience stood in its way. A sign of bad character, or shallow understanding of what it means to be a part of a family. A family should accept its own, and take responsibility for its own. Instead, Maybell was cast into the world to be handled by someone else. The reasoning was impossible for Flash to follow.
He adopted her, loved her as his own child, Opeila suggested, but that hardly seemed like an act of love. It was unacceptable, yet somehow, against all rationale, Opeila thought it was because of her. Her father was responsible, not just for both of his children, but to make sure Opeila’s magic was under control. No matter how wild a child might be, it wasn’t nature that taught a child to behave. It was learning, patience, and instruction. How could he explain something like that to Opeila, who was so throughly convinced otherwise?
Had the bastard told her as much? Had he encouraged her to think she was to blame? With his apparent hatred of magic, had he made her feel ashamed of who she was? The possibilities ran rampant in his mind, the avenues of thought spread and multiplied, forming a web of connected dots. Broken… she thinks she was born wrong… pushing others away, it was all her magic ever did for her...
Opeila gripped his hand even tighter, squeezing. He took the opportunity to finish the connection by putting his other hand on top. There was still more.
Kept from school, called a freak, a smudge put on her record, lying about assault with a deadly weapon. What kind of poorly handled school threw such wild accusations and punishments. Certainly there was no proof of a knife being used, was it a fake narrative forced by one of the teachers, the students, her father? It was a miscarriage of justice, a failure of the system. Flash had a mind to call the school himself and have a word with the principal.
He couldn’t fix it. It was years ago now, and the damage had been done. The damage was still being done by that wretched man she called a father. Flash honestly couldn’t figure it out. Why had he sent the squib sister away if it was the magic that he hated? Was it because Opeila was his daughter by blood? It was a mess from top to bottom.
Then, the final straw. Opeila’s mother, hiding in the basement experimenting with potions. He had too little information to process her reasoning-- he would have to have met her-- but Opeila’s way of telling it made it sound like she was trying to escape. Escape from the life she had where her choices were ignored and her daughters were shamed for their very existence.
Opeila had to take a moment before she could continue, her face wracked with a sickly look of grief. Her mother was in a coma, and Opeila was considering the thought of her never waking up. It was no wonder she had been so distraught, it was something she had been carrying since before he met her. The pain that she was keeping inside her while she smiled and worked hard to do well in the school errands. Flash tried to consider being in her position-- his mother unresponsive, the possibility of her never saying another word to him again. It was overwhelming… eerie. The spectre of death hanging over her head, dangling her mother’s life before her, threatening to clip the string of life at any moment.
Flash could feel it. The sharp pain in his heart. Fear of death, of the future, of things one couldn’t control. It wasn’t as if he could bring Maybell back, teach her father a lesson, and raise her mother from her deathly slumber. At least not immidiately. He would have to try to do something. No situation was completely hopeless.
Opeila didn’t feel that way. Something happened to her? Was it… is it too late? She started to describe her frustrations-- at her mother, at her father, at herself. It shouldn’t have been at herself. She did nothing wrong, how could she not see it? She was a victim of all this-- a victim of circumstance.
But somehow that still wasn’t everything. It was the final part which made his blood truly boil. Her hands starting to involuntarily shake as she spoke, she described the incident with the forgetfulness potion. It was Burnett. Another person telling him with a straight face that Burnett cared, but he couldn’t get close. Throwing people away the moment they needed him the most.
It was sickening. The lack of culpability, the cowardice in the face of trouble. The offer of compassion, only to be jerked out from under their feet when it was too inconvienient for him. How nice for him, to escape so cleanly at the expense of others. He was a dirty bastard.
He returned to Ruka, but not to Opeila. Another swipe at her fragile sense of belonging. The picture was crystal clear at that point. A scenic view of a tragedy, laid bare in the small pocket of air before them. How could he convince her of the other point of view-- the one she couldn’t see from where she stood, so low to the ground watching the adults in her life fail her time and time again.
She began to cry, reiterating her fear that Flash would leave her side as well. It was cruel, that she bore the scars that others ought to have been carrying. Life was seldom fair when doling out its many wounds. Flash took the hand that had rested on top and wrapped it around her shoulder, bringing her into his chest so that she could dry her eyes on his shirt. He could already start to feel the tears seep through to his shoulder. He pulled up the cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders, letting her cry until the tears ran dry.
There was nothing to say anyway. His truth would sound like lies to her ears. It’s not your fault. It was never your fault. What did his words mean to her lifelong experience. It was something he would have to prove. He could find something, it wasn’t too late. Until he could formulate a plan of action however, all he could do was listen, and calm what little fear he had the power to speak on with certainty.
”I’m here, don’t worry. This doesn’t change anything, I’m not leaving.” He said it quietly, like meditative chanting. Believe me, I’ll do more than just stay. You have nothing to worry about. I’ll carry this with you.
@Opeila Seilun
For we dreamed a lot//And we schemed a lot//And we tried to sing of love before the stage fell apart
Sta: 9 ★Eva: 5 ★Str: 7 ★Wis: 15 ★AP: 3 ★Acc: 15
27 Mar 2020, 23:33
Pondering Everything
Opeila was shaking, not able to stop. She had told him. All of it. Something she hadn't done... ever. And it felt like she had awoken something inside herself. The young Slytherin suddenly felt deeply disgusted about herself, she could hardly bare the feeling of being who she was.
"I've done this... I didn't even need to do anything but exist to cause destruction of people's happiness..." Her voice was shaking as welly full off tears. She was thankful for Flash, who wrapped one arm and his cloak around her and brought her to his chest. He let her cry. Did he now hate her like she hated herself? Opeila would not be surprised at all. But no...
He said that he was there. That this didn't change anything. He would not leave...
But it did. It changed everything.
At least for her it did. She felt dirty, treated wrongly. She did not deserve this. Opeila did not deserve Flash's kindness, she did not deserve him being there for her.
Jack had been right to leave her. Of course he had been right. Flash deserved better as well. Opeila was broken. Not only the fact that her existence brought nothing but destruction, but also what it had done to her. She knew that it had scarred her, scars she didn't think that she would ever lose them. They were there forever, ready to remember her of it all.
Flash shouldn't have to carry this with her. This was all her fault.
Slowly, Opeila calmed down. She stopped to shake. She could breathe again.
"You... don't have to stay. I understand if you don't want to. You have every reason to not want to. I know that I am not worth it."
She didn't say this to hear him telling her that she was the opposite or anything like that. Opeila was giving him the chance to jump off this train before it had left the station.
Not only because of her not being worth it. She could not bare another scar. She could not take someone's hand again to then be pushed to the floor. She couldn't. It would destroy her.
@Flash Holmwood
"I've done this... I didn't even need to do anything but exist to cause destruction of people's happiness..." Her voice was shaking as welly full off tears. She was thankful for Flash, who wrapped one arm and his cloak around her and brought her to his chest. He let her cry. Did he now hate her like she hated herself? Opeila would not be surprised at all. But no...
He said that he was there. That this didn't change anything. He would not leave...
But it did. It changed everything.
At least for her it did. She felt dirty, treated wrongly. She did not deserve this. Opeila did not deserve Flash's kindness, she did not deserve him being there for her.
Jack had been right to leave her. Of course he had been right. Flash deserved better as well. Opeila was broken. Not only the fact that her existence brought nothing but destruction, but also what it had done to her. She knew that it had scarred her, scars she didn't think that she would ever lose them. They were there forever, ready to remember her of it all.
Flash shouldn't have to carry this with her. This was all her fault.
Slowly, Opeila calmed down. She stopped to shake. She could breathe again.
"You... don't have to stay. I understand if you don't want to. You have every reason to not want to. I know that I am not worth it."
She didn't say this to hear him telling her that she was the opposite or anything like that. Opeila was giving him the chance to jump off this train before it had left the station.
Not only because of her not being worth it. She could not bare another scar. She could not take someone's hand again to then be pushed to the floor. She couldn't. It would destroy her.
@Flash Holmwood
31 Mar 2020, 19:44
Pondering Everything
Opeila began to mutter words of self-hatred, so Flash only held her tighter, her heaving shoulders fighting against his embrace so that her quiet sobs could escape her lungs. He rubbed a small circle in her back with his palm, not sure what else he could do. It was more his nervousness trying to escape his body, looking for anything to make the situation better. He looked out over the scenery, completely still and unaffected by Opeila’s torment. That was how he had always tried to be-- unaffected. His emotions had never given anything he wanted, it was only when he put them aside that he could start to find ways to change the things around him that he didn’t like.
He didn’t understand it anymore. What had started to work for him at home and in his school before seemed almost useless in Hogwarts. Now, he was brimming with emotion, so much that holding it back felt like trying to fit the sea in a bottle. Should he just let it go, and cry as well? He doubted that he could, even if he wanted to. He had worked so hard to destroy that part of himself that he would have thought it thoroughly buried, if he hadn’t cried involuntarily earlier that year. His own feelings were still such a mystery to him, he preferred to keep them unanalyzed and locked away. They only ever caused problems, they only ever made things worse.
”I’m staying.”
Opeila needed him to be calm anyway. She didn’t need him to be emotional. He would just hold her and reassure her until she found her footing again, back on solid ground. He was a tether holding her in place so she could freely cry her eyes dry without them washing her down the river. It wasn’t much to ask, so they stayed like that for a while, nothing but the sounds of the trembling lake to accompany her muffled weeping.
@Opeila Seilun
He didn’t understand it anymore. What had started to work for him at home and in his school before seemed almost useless in Hogwarts. Now, he was brimming with emotion, so much that holding it back felt like trying to fit the sea in a bottle. Should he just let it go, and cry as well? He doubted that he could, even if he wanted to. He had worked so hard to destroy that part of himself that he would have thought it thoroughly buried, if he hadn’t cried involuntarily earlier that year. His own feelings were still such a mystery to him, he preferred to keep them unanalyzed and locked away. They only ever caused problems, they only ever made things worse.
”I’m staying.”
Opeila needed him to be calm anyway. She didn’t need him to be emotional. He would just hold her and reassure her until she found her footing again, back on solid ground. He was a tether holding her in place so she could freely cry her eyes dry without them washing her down the river. It wasn’t much to ask, so they stayed like that for a while, nothing but the sounds of the trembling lake to accompany her muffled weeping.
Thread Closed
@Opeila Seilun
For we dreamed a lot//And we schemed a lot//And we tried to sing of love before the stage fell apart
Sta: 9 ★Eva: 5 ★Str: 7 ★Wis: 15 ★AP: 3 ★Acc: 15