Constellation Company PV Joseph

Speech -- Thoughts

Beaches losing their magic? Pam couldn't imagine it. She had always adored beaches, so growing tired of them because of frequent visits didn't seem like something that could happen to her. She shook her head with a smile, "I really could do with more beach trips." she agreed, "I dunno, I've always dreamed of living by the seaside. It would be really pretty, I think. I love to swim a lot too."

The idea settled warmly in her chest, like a familiar daydream she’d visited a hundred times before. Waking up to the sound of waves instead of traffic. Salt in the air. Sand perpetually clinging to the hems of her clothes no matter how much she shook them out. Although right now, it sounded rather like a fantasy. Maybe one day.

"I don't think I could ever get bored of it," she admitted quietly, "Swims, walks.... the days when the water is rough or grey." Those, specifically, appealed to her. The ocean could be comforting, with all its moods— loud or calm, gentle or brooding.

Joseph's voice was rather dull as he spoke, Pam noted, about his own little escapades, most of them with his friends. Was Joseph a wizard-born, Pam couldn't recall for the life of her. Not that it really mattered. Although it would've helped Pam with the question of whether his pre-school friends were magic or muggle.

Pam herself didn't have a lot of friends who were muggles. Her closest friend, Henry, was in a school across the country, and while they were still in touch, Pam couldn't really share her magical school issues with him.

He would never believe her. And considering underage magic was not allowed, Pam had no way to make him believe either.

The girl watched Joseph pick two cushions for himself and Astra- one with a constellation, and the other with a red horse. Since when are horses red? He sank unceremoniously into the cushion, before asking her his next question.

The question lingered with her longer than she would've liked to, pressing against a box she'd kept locked and bolted with hammer and nail. She didn't respond immediately, hugging her knees and staring resolutely up at the sky, choosing her next words.

She had planned to tell some of her friends that year about losing her mom. Those friends had specifically been Ruth and Amelia. And she'd had a long, carefully constructed script in her mind of how she wanted the conversation to go. She'd gone over it enough times for the words to feel smooth, rehearsed and safe. So she could say it eithout bursting into tears.

This.... wasn't how it was meant to go. It had come out of nowhere, and Pam was unprepared for it.

Avoiding came as the automatic response, "Mostly just my dad." She shrugged, hoping it was believable "It's almost always like that, so it's... normal."

Silence sat between them until Joseph cleared his throat. He didn’t mind quiet reflection or late-night chats like this, but silence? It was loud. Awkward. He didn’t like that.

Pam hesitated, then made a quiet confession. 

“Normal,” Joseph echoed, pressing a finger against his chin. He ruffled his hair again. Normal, as in, the way things have always been. The way things were expected to be. He let his gaze drift over to Pam, who sat with her knees tucked in. Something about her posture, something about the vibe… she was skirting around something, he could feel it.

That was alright, they weren’t super-duper-wuper close friends anyway. Besides, he was Joseph. Master of impulsive decisions. Best buddies with a moving rock. Lord of poultry-themed dancewear. He didn’t see why anyone would take him seriously, if he himself doubted he was trustworthy at all.

“That’s fine… I guess,” he said, struggling to find the right words. “Still counts as bonding with family! It’s a privilege, really,” he chuckled, then rubbed the back of his neck. Someday. Someday he’d plan a trip with his Dad. “There’s no harm in visiting alone once in a while, if you love the beach that much. When you’re older, I mean. I find it more refreshing to go alone.”

A thought struck him. “Oh, unless the beach you visit is often crowded.” Joseph scowled at the last word. He’d never seen a congested beach before, but the idea always left him baffled. What was the point of a beach if it wasn’t peaceful? It was like having a magicless wand, or a quill without a tip. Absolutely pointless.

He shifted in his cushion, stretching a leg lazily. “Or… you could get a pet rock to accompany you,” he suggested, flashing the rock laid beside him a broad grin. Bet that made him look like a witless chipmunk. “They’re great companions! You can ask Ruth, or her friend — Yannishnosh or something,” he winced. Hopefully Yannishnosh wasn’t listening in.

“We could have a pet rock playdate. How cool would that be?” His words came out wistful, like he was half in another world. He’d make the rocks party hats. There’d be pretty lights, and food, so much food. Maybe a whole box of rock scrubbing essentials.

Now that was a future worth working towards.

@Pamela Graham

Mentioning: @Ruth Fairchild @Janosch Dehoff @Astra the Rock

Speech -- Thoughts

"Normal." Joseph parroted and Pam grimaced. It was not the most correct answer, and it was pathetically obvious that she was avoiding something. If you took a few minutes to think about it, it wasn't hard to guess what that "something" was.

Joseph, thankfully, did not question her suspicious choice of words, opting to shift towards the more comfortable topic. The one which did not involve family issues and missing parents. Pam found herself considering his words. There was some truth in them, going to the beach alone did sound nice, although pm didn't see it happening anytime soon. But she did like to share her outings with her father.

"The beaches are pretty congested." Pam agreed, frowning at the memories. The beach did seemed to lack it's usual lustre when it was filled with people in ugly multicolored hats. "But normally, the crowds are drawn to fixed pockets, so you can find more empty corners in the same beach."

A few memories came to her, families in the water like tiny dots in the distance, kids laughing, screaming in the sand. And all those bright colors. It always gave the beach a kind of rush that it really didn't deserve. Beaches were meant to be calm and warm. Not treated like some kind of holiday retreat where you could hold parties with disco lights.

Joseph's words drew Pam out her her spiral, and she listened with growing fascination as the conversation suddenly shifted to pet rocks. It was a good topic. Pam had always been curious about how it worked, and Joseph was always smitten with Astra.

Not that she blamed him, Astra was an adorable little thing really.

Nevertheless, Pam could not quite see herself having a rock as a companion.

She voices her questions, "What's it like? To have a pet rock?" He was talking about Janosch, if Pam had to guess. He was a friend of Ruth's. She'd heard of the boy, but had never really met him. She didn't want to either. Pam had some kind of a petty rivalry against him when it came to one Ruth Fairchild because she needed to be the girl's first best friend.

It was both silly and funny because the boy probably didn't even know of this mindset she harboured.

"Do you... talk to Astra?" Pam added curiously. She wondered what it would be like to talk to a rock. The only pet she'd ever had was Lumi. The owl was too smart for her own good, and she always looked at Pam as though she could understand her. "...Lumi's always judging me so hard..."

Joseph's wistful expression faded.

He blinked at Astra, shoulders hunching as if trying to turn himself into a mini human fortress. It was weird. Shameful, even. Not just talking to her, the whole pretense-thing. The line he shouldn't be crossing. He'd have to face that someday. But not yet. Not today.

He cleared his throat before answering.

"I... yeah, I do. Only sometimes..."

He twisted a loose strand of hair around his finger, forcing a sheepish grin. The admission barely rose above a whisper.

It was a lie. Sort of. Joseph talked to Astra everywhere. Before tucking into bed, when the lights were out and the silence felt too loud. Along the corridors, her clattering behind him a reminder that he wasn't alone. During their mini-excursions around the grounds, narrating the world around them as if she could see it too.

But how could he tell Pam that without looking like a hopeless dimwit?

“It’s kind of fun talking to her… and, well, she’s comforting. A great listener too.” His tongue burned, but his face flared hotter. For a second he almost snorted at himself. “I just treat her like any other friend, that’s all.”

He froze, imagining Pam’s inevitable eye-roll. Then he peered up into the night sky, desperate for something to take over his thoughts. He found Giraffee Major. The stars twinkled back at him, warm and patient. He pictured it bending its long neck down towards him, nuzzling against his chest. Relief seeped back into him, and Joseph let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

Comfort. That’s what the stars meant to him. That’s why he’d named his rock Astra. 

He turned to face Pam, this time with a lazy grin. She’d mentioned a name, though his anxiety had drowned it out in the moment. Now curiosity coloured his face. “Lumi, you say? Is that a pet?”

@Pamela Graham

Speech -- Thoughts

Pam nodded her head, trying and failing to actually understand how it worked. While talking to her like a friend sounded quite alright, a rock wasn't quite the same as a human after all. Or like a cat or an owl. A rock wasn't sentient, unless there was some magical element to let rocks that she was unaware of. It wasn't like Astra could talk back to him, so it wasn't exactly a conversation, was it?

Pam could only imagine a one-sided conversation, where Joseph would be talking for hours with absolutely no other voice in the room. It didn't sound like a very fun past time unless the person liked the sound of his own voice.

Maybe Joseph was one of those people? She knew she definitely wasn't.

Or maybe it was like keeping a journal? Pam Pam voiced that thought. "So... it's like, similar to writing a diary? She wondered how the question would be recieved.

Joseph had caught on to her earlier rematk, and Pam felt herself light up as she answered him. "Lumi's my owl! I bought her last year." She smiled fondly at the thought of her pet. "Maybe you can meet her sometime? If you'd like."

Reducio

Sorry for the waitup

@Pamela Graham

Joseph fixed Pam with a puzzled look. “Writing a diary…?” he asked, cocking his head towards her. “What do you mean? How is that similar to… talking to Astra?” He glanced back down at his pet rock, and his eyebrows furrowed as if expecting her to suddenly turn into a notebook, maybe in a glorious puff of smoke. It wasn’t the same, was it? His chats with Astra, the intimate whispers before bedtime like she really could hear him. But Pam had a point. One that troubled him more than it should.

Why did he talk to Astra? 

“I… I don’t know. I’m sorry, I can’t–” he gestured vaguely, mind racing to find the right words for this growing need to justify himself. “It’s not really something I can explain. It’s more of something… felt? If that makes sense. It just feels right to me.”

Joseph sat up straighter at the last word, but his gaze dropped to the floor. He winced – more at himself than anything Pam said. Was he doing something wrong? Or was this normal, somehow? Surely it wasn’t his fault Astra felt so safe, so familiar in a world where nothing seemed to really make sense. In a world so big and wide and scary and complicated and… and…

The idea slipped away before he could hold onto it. Joseph turned back to Pam with a soft sigh, only half-listening as she spoke about her owl. She was visibly brighter now at least, face lit up with a smile. He borrowed some of that warmth, just enough to loosen the tightened knot in his chest.

A slight smile flickered across his face.

“Lumi’s a cute name!” he said, latching on to the subject change. “Would love to meet your owl someday. Maybe you can bring her here… next time we do this? If we ever do this again, that is. And if owls are allowed all the way up here.”

He chuckled, picturing a snowy owl flapping and hooting and firing bird droppings around the Astronomy tower. Stargazing while playing dodge-the-bird-poop would be quite the experience, though he supposed that would be anything but calm and serene.

“Next time,” he repeated, savouring the words as he leaned back. Above him, millions of stars glittered across the dark, and for once, Joseph found he didn’t need all the answers. Someday, it’d all make sense. Someday. He just knew.

Maybe he imagined it, but Giraffee Major seemed to nod towards him as his eyes slid shut. 

~ End of RP ~