Hiss: Hiss Hiss Hiss Solo

Throughout her years, Jessamine had received a number of strange packages, ranging from some that had simply reached the wrong address, to odd baubles her father bought and sent her, to what had to have been joke mail from a coworker (although, to this day, she had no idea).

She was the only person awake on the morning of the 23^rd, and her intention had been to make coffee for Leander and cook breakfast for her family – something that would be a nice surprise, she hoped, since her daughter had lamented that Leander never made waffles. Jessamine intended to rectify this. She had measured all of the ingredients and was just starting to mix them together when a rattling sounded from the door. Jessamine dropped her spatula into the bowl, which startled Asclepius, who had been attempting to doze off in front of the stove.

Thankfully, it was just owl post. Jessamine hadn't had time to fix her hair or wear anything other than an old T-shirt and jeans. She picked up the package that lay on the doormat and raised an eyebrow. It looked like something Roscoe might have put together if he were a bit more deft with his hands and had ample access to newspaper. She flipped it over, searching for a clue as to who might have sent the parcel, but all she could find was a name written in what she assumed was some sort of marker: ACLIPIUS.

Well, that answered who the intended recipient of the parcel was. She was only slightly miffed that whoever had thought to send this hadn't also thought to send her something – even a small 'hi' would have been so sweet! Dear Merlin, Asclepius was going to be insufferable.

Despite that knowledge, though, Jessamine brought the parcel inside and glanced at the snake, who had fallen asleep again. 'You've got mail,' she murmured, sitting next to him, the waffle-batter-in-progress having been forgotten.

Asclepius opened his eyes and promptly rolled over. 'Yeah? From whom?'

Jessamine stared at the package, with no return address, and shrugged. 'No idea, but I doubt it's something I'd enjoy.' Maybe a Headliner writer, now that she thought of it, but it wasn't like she knew any of those students by name. 'Anyway, I'm going to open it.'

The tip of Asclepius's tail twitched – seriously, what was he, a dog? – as Jessamine carefully unwrapped the parcel. It was... a box! But a box with a card on it. Asclepius stretched upwards and attempted to leer at it, but since he was illiterate, this hardly helped him, and he fell on Jessamine's leg with a thump. 'This is so sad,' he groaned.

'You forget I can read. It says... oh, aw, that's really cute, actually. "Merry Hissmas"...' Jessamine trailed off, uncertain of whether or not she should pronounce the name as written or as intended. The misspelling gave her a better idea of who had delivered the parcel. '..."Aclipius".'

'ACLIPIUS!? That's not it.'

'Be grateful, you got a present. I think it's from the girl with the weird hair and the white sweet stuff.' Setting the card next to the snake, Jessamine showed him the box. 'If you could read, you'd realise they were... ah. Er. Owl treats.'

'TREATS!? I love treats!'

'Right. Anyway, they're apparently flavoured like mice –'

'MICE!? I love mice!'

'Shh. I'll do a bit of reading, make sure you can eat them without dying, and then they're yours.'

'Can I write a thank you letter? Send something back?'

'Can you write? Do you have money?'

'No, but you do.'

Jessamine sighed. She stood, washed her hands and decided to finish the waffles. However, after breakfast, she did oblige to the snake's request, purely because it would be something cute to fulfil. Asclepius wound himself around her neck and happily babbled away, while Jessamine did her best to transcribe, a rather concerned expression on her face for most of his speech.

Dear Miss Marshmallow Fluff Girl:

Hihi! I'm Asclepius! This is me, I am him! I wanted to thank you for the mice flavoured yummy treats and I am very excited to eat them. They will be very crunchy and micey. I am sure I will have a very merry hissmas! And you too!

I don't have money, which is not cool at all and very much needs to be fixed. However, I am amazing enough to have access to humans with money, which is even better sometimes. I am going to try to sweet-talk them into giving me more and more money so I can get you something.

If I were human, I would paint my fingernails orange. Orange is a very nice colour, I think. I'm colourblind, so I'm not exactly sure. But I like the sound of it! So if I can get the money, I am going to buy you orange polish for your fingernails, and you can find it where we met up! I think that is super cool. I don't know what humans eat normally, and I can't cook, otherwise I would get you food too.

Anyway, Merry Hissmas! And thank you very much!

Love,
Asclepius