Counting PV Selim Faust Finished

@Selim Faust

Ruka took mental note of the fact that Selim decided to ignore his comment about how Jack would have probably found a faster cure to whatever was ailing him by going to the Hospital Wing. As much as Jack had insisted in his letter that he simply didn't feel up to dealing with the nurses, these few words he'd exchanged with Selim about Jack's condition made him feel like there was more to it than mere unwillingness to be fawned over for half an hour at the most.

This was something he would have to confront Jack with the next time they saw each other; his curiosity and worry were far bigger than Jack's desire to keep secrets.

With that conversation clearly over and done with, Ruka focused his sole attention on Selim's face for a while, waiting for something, anything to show the Slytherin had a shred of emotion inside him, but neither the fact that Ruka had drawn his wand, not that he had approached the other boy in a more or less threatening manner seemed to have any impact on him whatsoever. 

When Selim started speaking again, Ruka was paralysed for a moment, his fingers feeling cold and numb around his wand, his throat clogging up as his heart seemed to want to pound right out of his chest. He'd felt sorry before for trying to use the Slytherin's former mental state against him like that, but now he simply felt stupid.
It was true, he didn't know Selim, knew next to nothing about him, wasn't able to complete a full picture out of the few smeared fragments he'd seen of him so far. His words had been petty, defensive, and utterly ignorant. 

Selim was more than right to call him out on it.

Sheepishly, Ruka turned his gaze to the floor, staring at his own bare feet for a second. He didn't apologise, didn't say anything, could barely get himself to look back up at the Slytherin, but eventually he forced himself to because it seemed like Selim was far from done ripping through him like a bloodhound. 

The other boy's next words made Ruka's cheeks flame with a sensation he wasn't sure what to name himself, but he could feel his lungs burning as he took a deep breath, his hands trembling before Selim was even done talking. It was ridiculous, was what it was, the way Selim spoke of Ruka vying for Jack's attention and affection of all things, as if he really had any idea of the nature of their relationship. Where Ruka had only met Selim once, Selim hadn't met him any more often than that either, and he doubted Jack sat around talking about him all day, so what did Selim really think he knew about why he cared for Jack?

"Needy?" he asked, but his voice was quiet and doubtful; he wasn't even sure Selim had heard it at all. It took him a moment to wrap his thoughts around the word and how it may apply to him. Had he become needy when it came to Jack? Desperate for his company and attention? He hadn't considered it, had taken it for granted before the Tea Party that Jack was spending most of his day with him, had expected the Slytherin to be at his table for meal times, and when he had finally tried to cut ties with Ruka...
He tried to shake himself off the thought, but it was hard to do when he was forced to compare his obsessive need for carrying his dad's picture with him wherever he went with the ever growing need of having Jack close by to help navigate his everyday life.

He bit his bottom lip, hard enough to draw a little blood as he tapped his wand against his thigh again, tiny sparks singing the side of his trousers.

One, two, three

One, two, three

One, two, three

"What makes you think my state has anything to do with Jack in the first place?" he asked, and his voice was surprisingly steady considering the way his chest was burning like it had been filled with gasoline and set on fire. He lifted both arms in a careless shrug, so contradicting to his flaming cheeks and tightly knit eyebrows. "I've been a mess for far longer than I've known him." His free hand instinctively reached up to wrap around the locket dangling from the necklace Jack had given him, as soon as Selim mentioned it, the cool little pendant feeling somehow safe in the palm of his hand.

It wasn't fair, he found himself thinking, that Selim brought the locket into play without knowing what exactly it meant to Ruka, that it had barely anything to do with Jack aside from the fact that the Slytherin had been considerate enough to think up this solution for him. 
For a second Ruka could feel the hot prick of tears behind his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly to instead focus on what else Selim had to say about him. 

He fidgeted uncomfortably at being compared to an addict, as if all he did was begging for attention and affection and validation all day long, when most days it was the complete opposite; months he had spent burrowed in his dormitory, barely eating, barely sleeping and avoiding anybody else as much as he possibly could. It had been Jack who had brought him back out of his shell again, who had encouraged him to put himself back out there. It was Jack who had readily given him a shoulder to cry on, had offered him a home for the summer; Ruka had never gone out looking for any of that, had never asked for any of it either.

Or was that, perhaps, the problem? Had Jack provided him with a feeling he had thought long forgotten, and now he was unwilling to let it go again?

He swallowed heavily when Selim brought up his state after the events of the Valentine's Party, ind racing as he insistently tapped his wand against his thigh.

One, two, three

He wanted to argue, wanted to tell Selim that it had nothing to do with Jack that he had returned to skipping meals and losing sleep, but no matter how much he tried to tell that to himself, deep inside him he knew it was a lie, at least in part. Of course he had been badly off before Jack had come into his life, but after the Slytherin had tried to cut ties with him, Ruka had turned into something desperate and hallow at the same time, something he barely recognised anymore when he looked into the mirror.

No, he told himself as his wand kept tapping against his thigh. No, it hadn't solely been Jack's disappearance that had turned him into such a mess; it was the loss of both his only friend and the only picture memory of his father at the same time. He hadn't known where to drown his grief, hadn't known how to handle it, but who could blame him?

"I'm not trying to build off of anything," he argued weakly, not sure why he was even trying to find a way to disprove Selim's theories. Why was it important that the Slytherin thought Ruka was trying to cling to Jack like an addict to the source of his addiction? Why did he care? "Jack offered me help and I decided to take it, that's all it is."

He bit his lip again, the steely taste of blood filling his mouth momentarily, as he eyed the dagger in Selim's hand. This boy and his freaking weapons. Did he feel so threatened by Ruka's skinny form and randomly sparking wand that he needed to have knife at the ready just in case?

The impending threat of getting stabbed, however, did make Ruka take one more small step back, eyes drained on the dagger for a moment before he returned his attention to Selim.

The Slytherin's next words made Ruka stop and stare, paralysed at the mere suggestion. It was a horrible thing to say, a horrible thing to think about, especially for someone who had lost his father to disease not even a year ago. Of course, Selim couldn't possibly know about that unless Jack had told him, but Ruka still felt like the question was a low blow on the Slytherin's behalf.

What would he do if Jack died? 

His thoughts flashed back to the summer immediately, to waking up next to his father's cold, dead body, to burying him by the edge of a forest, to spending the last few weeks of his summer holidays fending for himself. Going back to Hogwarts had been difficult, keeping up with classes even more so, but he had done it, had kept practicing his Fire Dance routines, had found his way back among his peers with Jack's encouragement, and was still working hard on bettering himself.

Of course, most days were still bad, and some days even worse - days and nights of wanting things to just stop, reckless actions without regard for consequences - but at least he was still working on it.

The thought of Jack dying was dreadful, horrible, but he could hear the Slytherin's own voice in his head telling him that he needed to move on, that he couldn't just stop living. Back in the Room of Requirement, Jack had asked him if he didn't think it best to try and live the life his father would have wanted him to live, and Ruka tried hard to keep those words in mind every day, no matter how hard it was.

"I would deal with it," he said stubbornly, chest heaving, left hand resting against his leg again to tap it in a persistent rhythm.

One, two, three

"I've had to deal with it before, and I could do it again." He was sure that Selim would conclude by his state, that Ruka was hardly dealing with it, but at least he wasn't going to kill him from the inside out as Selim seemed to be doing with his own problems. "Unlike you, I'm not scared of facing my own emotions." 

He stared at Selim who had taken a step back as if leaving room for Ruka's response, wand still dangling by his side, left hand still tap tap tapping against his leg. "Like you said, Death is unexpected and unpredictable, so you should expect it at all times, that way it can't surprise you." He took a deep breath, shaking his head. "So if Jack died, I would be devastated, I would lash out and mourn in my own way for as long as I felt I needed to." He took a step back towards Selim, eyes burning with judgment for the other Slytherin for even making him entertain this scenario. "And then I would eventually pull myself together and move on with my life, just like he'd want me to."

@Ruka Tân

___ ___ ___

The boy didn't apologize for the words of accusation he had spoken to him, instead looking down at the ground like a chatsed child.

Selim didn't much care about weather he apologized or not... to him, he was just pointing out cold facts, and giving the boy words of suggestion. Perhaps the Gryffindor saw things differently.

There was a small question after Selim's first virtually baseless accusation, a simple question, one word, that the upperclassmen seemed to be asking himself more then Selim. He didn't respond to the smaller boy's word continuing on, heedless of retribution.

He didn't care.

The boy stated, after another accusation, that his state may be cause of something other then Jack... but Selim doubted it. "Oh?" Selim studied the boy, eyes landing on the locket, "Hmm... a death? Perhaps someone close to you left you? You seem rather attached to that piece of jewelry... a locket... yes that makes sense." His tone held no judgment as he said this, it was clinical, unfeeling, like a doctor observing the symptoms of someone's illness. "Despite this new piece of info, my statement still stands. Your state an be born of more than one thing, Little Lion, and after what I've observed, my dormmate seems to be a big part of it."

He then continued his train of thought. Once more, the boy objected, attempting to reject his statements about building off Jack. Selim slightly tilted his head, expression reminiscent of that of a blank-faced doll... "He may have offered his help, and you accepted it, but that doesn't mean you took it a step further and tried to use him as a foundation."

His arguments were weak, yes, and easy to counter. Then again, Gryffindors won't known for being good at things like this.

After he finished his relentless, probing questions, there was a beat of silence. Then the lion spoke, responding to his question about what the boy would do if Jack died.

"I would deal with it."

Selim didn't respond, instead watching him steadily, face unwavering from it's apathy, eyes still as dull as glass.

"Unlike you, I'm not scared of facing my own emotions."

He blinked at the Gryffindor's words, pausing, before continuing on, mind slipping into a sense of repetitive detachment. His thoughts had stalled, like gears getting stuck on something, hitting some kind of roadblock, or wall. It was blocking something, and Selim didn't want to find out what it was that was behind it.

The upperclassmen went on, "Like you said, Death is unexpected and unpredictable, so you should expect it at all times, that way it can't surprise you." The shorter boy took a deep breath, shaking his head. "So if Jack died, I would be devastated, I would lash out and mourn in my own way for as long as I felt I needed to."

Selim watched dully as the boy took a step forward, eyes seeming to burn with something. Determination? Judgment? He didn't know, he couldn't tell what others were feeling anymore, apathy went two ways.

He didn't mind.

He watched, the boy continued, speaking as if talking to a crowd, and giving a heartwarming speech meant to light fires in the soul of everyone listening.

"And then I would eventually pull myself together and move on with my life, just like he'd want me to."

Selim wasn't affected by his words.

"If you say such things so boldly, then I hope you intend to follow through with them, 'else you'd look like a foolish little child with more confidence in yourself then there ought to be." His tone was still emotionless, stated, again, like a fact read off a graph.

He backtracked to the boy's statement about him being scared of feelings.

"As for fearing emotions?" Selim cocked his head, "who says I fear them, I am merely reacting logically to information I have gathered through experience." Idly, he flipped his blade in the air, catching it deftly on the handle and sheathing it back in his belt loop. Obviously this boy had no intentions of attacking him with anything other then pretty words only holding empty promises.

"Tell me, Lion, if you seem so sure that I am afraid of my own emotions." His eyes flashed with dangerous frost and detached intrigue, "How would you cope with what I have experienced?" His eyes became half-lidded as he spoke, 'If you were in my shoes, how would you react to being kidnapped, tortured, abused, and emotionally broken?" His curiosity had outweighed how cagy he was about his own past. Besides, he no longer cared about it. The shadows weren't moving with phantomes anymore... his mind was pleasantly still, for once in his life. So he spoke freely, with no emotion attached to his words.

"My parents want me to be the perfect heir..." His gaze slid from the boy, staring into nothing as he thought, gears churning sluggishly in his brain, "To them, a perfect heir has no emotions, has perfect etiquette, wears masks of hollow pleasantries and cares not about the people below them beyond the duty in being their leader." He looked back at the boy. "When I was born they didn't see me as a son to care and raise, they saw me as a future leader they had to mould into perfection." His gaze grew a tad sharper, "And if ever I went against their wishes... retribution was harsh."

"Who was I to disobey my parents? Especially if doing so only brought pain." He looked down at his hands, "After learning this the hard way I did exactly as they wished me to... became the perfect heir, a flawless doll to show off to those around them," Letting his hand drop, Selim went on, eyes dull once more, "But that didn't go as planned... enemies of my family came, I was taken in the dead of night, locked away in solitude with only torment as company. A good few weeks later I was rescued..." Idly, he rolled up his sleeve to his shoulder, showing scars marring his pale porcelain skin. "I came back marred, imperfect, damaged..." letting out an apathetic huff, Selim let the sleeve fall back over his arm, "I'll leave what happened to me in there to your imagination... it probably won't even match what actually did happen though."

Selim went on with his story, watching for the boy's reaction, comparing it to how his clanmates reacted. Was his situation ok? Normal? Were children supposed to grow up as he did? He had strong speculations that the answer was no, but he needed facts; cold, hard, facts.

"I recuperated in a hospital away from everyone except doctors and nurses. When I returned, I was trained harder... they had to salvage what they could to remake their heir, of course. Broken dolls are useless, are they not?" He tilted his head for a moment in thought, before going on, "It's taken a while... but now i've become what they wanted... honestly it's much more pleasant then it was before. Apathy is cleaner then bothersome emotions, now I just have logic, I simply go off facts rather then feelings." His eyes locked onto the Gryffindors, and he took a step closer, looking down slightly and gazing into his eyes, as if searching for something... then he asked his final question.

"So, inform me, Little Lion... am I in the wrong? Would you not do the same as I?"

Stepping back slightly, Selim studied the boy impersonally. "... I suppose the reason I ask this is because I need a new perspective on this situation. Someone who had a diffrent past them me... a fresh way of thinking." His eyes grew a bit more dull, "Though it's not like I can do anything to change my circumstances. Mother and Father would probably disapprove of me suddenly questioning if growing up in that environment is wrong."

"... Still, at least it may answer my questions, curiosity is a double-edged sword for me... things get darker the more I ponder them..."

He watched the boy with a distant expression, as if he couldn't really find it in himself to invest all his focus on the subject at hand. His goals no longer really mattered with this new-found apathy... nothing really mattered anymore beyond being the heir his parents wanted.

He supposed he could live with that.

@Selim Faust

Ruka's mind was reeling, his eyes drained on the boy in front of him as Selim made his observations about a possible death close to him.
It stung for a moment, just a fleeting second, until he remembered that this Slytherin knew absolutely nothing about him. He knew nothing of his circumstances, nothing about his relationship to Jack, nothing about the locket and definitely nothing about his father's death.
That realisation made a small flame rekindle inside him as he lifted his chin, hand moving away from the locket he had been clutching tightly up until that point. 

He didn't answer to Selim's words, neither denied nor confirmed the speculated death, nor Jack's involvement in his current mental and physical state. 
Selim was just prodding around in the dark, looking for things to rile him up with, figuring out what exactly would make him react, like some sort of science project, and all Ruka had been doing so far was give him intel. Tiny little facts to read off his behaviour that would help Selim figure out what kind of person he was and with which motivation he was acting.

No more of that.

He took a deep breath, shaking his head to himself as he let Selim continue his verbal assault. He tried very hard to stay expressionless, to not give away the fact that his blood was rushing in his ears, that his fingers kept patting an infinite string of One, two, three, One, two, three into his thigh, that the tip of his wand kept throwing sparks with every word Selim said.

Ruka winced a little as one of the sparks hit the back of his hand; Just a reminder to keep himself under control, no matter how much Selim tried to drag a reaction out of him.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he finally pressed out through gritted teeth, eyes hard as they met the other boy's strangely slitted ones. It was the only thing he was willing to say about this - The only thing he felt he could say without Selim twisting and turning his words in his mouth to somehow try and get a rise out of him.

It was strange, really, the fact that Ruka was so full of pent up anger and frustration, so full of rising sadness and confusion, that not even his wand was really able to contain it, while Selim looked like he was barely even part of this conversation. The other boy's face was scarily blank, even as he painted a picture of the death of someone Ruka had thought he considered at least a close acquaintance; There was nothing there in his eyes, no emotion that would make it seem like he had any attachment to the topic at hand whatsoever.

Selim's words in response to Ruka's bold prediction of his own actions in this theoretical situation were just as empty as his facial expressions, like he didn't really care what Ruka had just said but was only vaguely interested in how much truth his words held.

It was infuriating. 

Ruka would have probably been better off talking to that disassembled suit of armour back there. 

"Reacting logically?" he repeated in slight disbelief at Selim's words, eyebrows knitting together as he tried to make sense of the other boy. To him it didn't seem like he was reacting at all, and that suppression of emotion? That's what he interpreted as fear.

He'd thought that Selim was scared of letting whatever was going on inside him surface for the world to see, but the more he talked to this boy, the more he wondered if there was anything going on inside him at all.

He watched with slight unease as Selim flipped his knife and caught it out of the air again, only to put it away again, clearly deciding that Ruka wasn't a threat after all. He was probably right too; He'd never found much pleasure in violence, and as much as he'd enjoyed making that annoying kid in the bathrooms vomit up slugs for who knew how long, he wasn't about to abuse his magic knowledge like that again.

At least not on someone who was clearly important to Jack.

His insides churned a little at the thought, Selim's use of the word needy shooting through him like an arrow. Was that the only reason he wasn't thinking of attacking this boy? Because Jack would disapprove? He took a rattling breath before shaking the thought and instead focusing back on the Slytherin in front of him.

There was something slightly new in Selim's gaze, something frosty that hadn't been there with any other topic they had touched this far, and it made Ruka shiver where he stood, unable to do anything but let the Slytherin's words sink into him.

Words like torture and physical and emotional abuse left Selim's lips like there was no reason to attach any emotion to them, like they were nothing but words in a dictionary, despite the fact that he was using them to describe his own experiences, and Ruka had no idea how to handle them; He didn't know if he was supposed to say something, anything, or if Selim simply wanted to throw those words at him to make him uncomfortable. 
Was he supposed to offer support? Comfort? 

Was he supposed to do anything at all?

For lack of anything else to do, Ruka just continued to listen, heart pounding in his chest as Selim continued talking about his family life, about his demanding parents, about his role as a family heir. It sounded like someone with no attachment to the story was reading out of a normally thrilling book; Selim's face stayed blank, his voice easy, like this was a completely normal thing to share, whether out here in the empty hallways, or back at someone's house during a dinner party.

Ruka's fingers twitched, and while the hand holding his wand tapped out more One, two, three, One, two, threes, his free hand reached up to curl around his locket again, as if draining it for strength. 

A part of him wanted to laugh coldly, wanted to roll his eyes and shake his head, tell Selim to stop messing with him, but the other part could almost feel the cold honesty in the other boy's words, could match up Selim's behaviour with this horrifying backstory, so he stayed quiet, stayed attentive.

His eyes followed Selim's movements as the Slytherin pulled up his sleeve to reveal the scars underneath.

The sight didn't shock him as much as he thought it might; Despite having gained them through completely different circumstances, Ruka's own arms were scattered with scars and burn marks, little cuts and remnants of large wounds from growing up on the street sides and in forests, shadows of nails digging into his skin when being threatened to have his hand cut off should he ever try to steal some fruit at the market again. 

Scars were nothing shocking to him, but he still mustered Selim's with slight curiosity as he tried to figure out what the reason for each and every single mark on the pale skin could have been.

Kidnapping, torture, abuse, emotional damage.

He tried to imagine it, tried to think of what it would feel like to be pulled from his home in the dead of night, tried to paint himself a picture of the things anybody would be willing to do to a defenceless child to result in such blemish, such physical and emotional damage.

There was no way he could even start to imagine what such an experience would do to someone.

"I wouldn't be able to handle that," he said eventually, tilting his head to the side as he looked at Selim through heavy lidded eyes. It was true, he didn't think he'd ever be able to go through anything like the other boy had just described; It seemed infinitely worse than anything he had had to deal with during his childhood. "I would have died. Would probably never have made it to where you are now." He bit the inside of his cheek for a moment, lost in thought as he took a small step towards Selim, curious eyes trying to read any kind of emotion off the Slytherin's face.

"But you made it here. You're alive. So why are you killing yourself inside now?" The way he saw it, what Selim was doing right now was even worse than death itself; No matter how much his parents wanted him to be cold and perfect - whatever that word seemed to mean to Selim's messed up family - emotional death was probably the worst thing to deal with throughout life.

What point was there to living if nothing about life excited you anymore?

Ruka let his gaze drift down to where Selim had stashed away his knife again, then back up to the other boy's eyes. He thought back on the first time he'd met the boy, how resigned he'd seemed, how pleasantly polite he was. There had already been signs of this cold, calculated machine he was presenting to be now, but it hadn't been like that.

The day he'd found Selim by the lake, when Jack had brought them both to the Hospital Wing, there had still been something inside the Slytherin that was different from this shell he was talking to now. The emotions Ruka had seen in him then had mostly been negative of course - fear, paranoia, panic - but at least there had been something, and...

"That can't be everything," he pointed out firmly as he stepped close enough to Selim to feel the other boy's breath washing over his skin. It was a downright uncomfortable proximity, but Ruka couldn't help it. It was like there was a magnet pulling him closer with everything the other boy said. "Your family, the... the torture, that messed up upbringing you had to go through? That's horrible, it would kill better and stronger men, but that's not all, is it?" He hummed thoughtfully, tilting his head from side to side. "You weren't like this at the Lunar Festival, not even at the lake."

Finally deciding that he was probably too close for comfort, Ruka took a step back again, eyes filled with gentle curiosity. "You say you've finally become what they wanted you to be now?" He shook his head in slight disbelief. "So if nothing else got you there before - If your parents didn't achieve it, if torture couldn't completely break you..."

His mind stopped for a second, not wanting to add too much speculation into his observations, but it was difficult not to just make assumptions about Selim's quick transformation from a scared, apathetic child to an emotionless robot.

"You were still a person one week ago. In those short few days... What changed?"

@Ruka Tân

___ ___ ___

The Gryffindor denied he knew what he was talking about, but Selim's haze rose a bit, and he saw the slight clenching in the boy's jaw as he grit his teeth. The muscle rippled with tension, giving away that Selim's words had affected his upperclassmen.

That was confirmation enough for him. Someone close to the other boy had died, though the exact time as to when they had was unknown.

Selim didn't give away that his speculation had been confirmed, there no use to doing so. So he remained silent after the smaller boy's accusation, face eerily blank.

Upon him explaining to the Gryffindor that his decision had been out of logic not fear, the upperclassmen seemed confused.

Selim hadn't the faintest idea as to why he was confused, it was simple reasoning, and quickly dismissed it.

The boy actually did answer his question, the one that will tell him how children his age should be. It was a mildly unexpected response;

The Gryffindor says he would've died from what happened to him...

Idly, he wondered if he would've died, had he been there any longer... The kidnappers tried to keep him alive as leverage against his clan, but the conditions in that place were bad... he would've probably fallen ill with infection from festering wounds if he had been there at lest a week longer.

"But you made it here. You're alive. So why are you killing yourself inside now?"

'...Killing myself... inside?' Selim thought in question. Was such a thing even possible? Was it like... liver damage from drinking too much alcohol? Smoking and vaping ruining one's lungs? Dulling your brain with drugs?

What was this boy speaking of?

The smaller student then went on, "That can't be everything." The Gryffindor stepped forward, close enough that Selim could faintly feel his body heat on his oddly chilled skin. He blinked, looking down at him slightly as he spoke once more. "Your family, the... the torture, that messed up upbringing you had to go through? That's horrible, it would kill better and stronger men, but that's not all, is it?" Tilting his head, the upperclassmen seemed to study him, "You weren't like this at the Lunar Festival, not even at the lake."

Selim stayed quiet, watching the boy expressionlessly.

Ruka Tân stepped back, eyes alight with curiosity, "You say you've finally become what they wanted you to be now?" the upperclassmen shook his head, as if doubting Selim's words, "So if nothing else got you there before - If your parents didn't achieve it, if torture couldn't completely break you..."

The Gryffindor seemed unable to finish his sentence, hesitating, thinking.

Selim now knew why his dormmate was so interested in this boy, he was, indeed, smarter then most lions, by... a decent margin. He was still bad at hiding his emotions, and it was easy to find his switches, find what made him tick.

But still, he was smarter then originally thought.

Finally, the boy completed his thoughts, and his question made Selim freeze.

"You were still a person one week ago. In those short few days... What changed?"

His gears stalled.

He rammed into it again.

That internal, mental wall.

Perhaps it was his imagination, but he swore it just seemed to gain a crack....

Memories arose, faint, faded...

His stomach felt queasy, much to his own confusion. Perhaps he was hungry....

His gaze slid to the Gryffindor from where he had cast them unknowingly to the ground. The wall seemed to crack more, a leak sprung.

For a moment, a broken expression appeared on his face, full of guilt and hurt. A sharp stabbing sensation hit his chest, tense like a coiled spring. Memories of what he had done causing more and more cracks to appear in the wall. He panicked, almost overwhelmed by it all as he looked into that boy's eyes.

No...

Selim turned away, face cast to the ground once more, shoulders stiff. His fists clenched hard enough for his nails to dig into his pale skin as the burst of emotion rolled through him. They made him yearn, in that moment, for apathy once more, but the feelings kept coming. The massive blurr of pain, aching, confusing emotions, they made him want to crumble to the ground like a broken toy.

No.

As if a switch was flipped, that burst of feeling was shoved deep down and walled up once more. Selim didn't consciously do so, no, it was instinctive. A detached reaction triggered like a defence system. Activated by his distress.

Once more, the mental block was back, the blissful apathy filling him once more.

Selim looked at the Gryffindor, eyes frigid and unfeeling once more. "I've gotten what I wanted."

With that, he abruptly turned around, beginning to walk off.

What happened on March 1st was required to be kept secret, if it were to come out.... No. He can't tell anyone, such a thing would backfire horrendously. Selim needed to keep silent, no matter what this Gryffindor asked.

He didn't want to question what had happened just moments before, the sudden shutting off of emotions. It reminded him of when the fox confronted him about his avoidance, how he felt at the beginning of that meeting... but far more severe.

So similar to how he felt during his time as a captive.

... No, no need to think about it, such things will only cloud his thoughts.

He needed to get away from him, that Gryffindor... get away from the possibility of whatever just occured happening again.

Back to his solitude and his dusty tome.

@Selim Faust

As Ruka observed Selim's reactions to everything he was saying, it was hard to figure out if the Slytherin really had any idea what he meant by killing himself inside, but he didn't say anything in response, which Ruka took as enough of a confirmation as he needed to safely say that it wasn't the other boy's upbringing that had gotten him to this level of apathy, but something else.

Someone else?

Whatever or whoever it was, it had to reside in Hogwarts at the very least. Whatever turned Selim into this emotionless shell, it had happened sometime during the last week, so it had to have been something or someone inside the castle or its Grounds.
Ruka's mind was racing with all the possible things that could have possibly happened over the past week, but it only ever kept coming back to one thing;

Jack hadn't been around during exactly that one week.

He wasn't sure what exactly to do with that information, but he stored it away safely, kept it in the back of his mind to try and connect it with anything else he would possibly find out during the course of this conversation.

However, it didn't seem like Selim was going to give him many more words than he had so far, because once Ruka outright questioned him about the past few days, something inside the Slytherin seemed to just... break.

It was as if Ruka's words had triggered something, some kind of memory, some sort of feeling, that pulled the other boy out of his apathy - if only for a few seconds - and instead showed a side of him he had clearly tried to bury deep inside himself. Selim's gaze had landed on the floor for a moment after Ruka had spoken, and when his yellow eyes came back up to lock with his again, there was something inside them that reminded him of a criminal faced by the authorities.

Was it fear? Guilt?

Ruka wasn't completely sure, but whatever it was, Selim hadn't wanted to show this emotion, clearly wasn't comfortable with it being out in the open now either, which only made the Gryffindor more curious as to what may have brought it on.

What had happened in the past few days to make this otherwise so cold and calculated, put together boy look like he was breaking apart just after being asked a simple question?

Ruka watched curiously as Selim clenched his hands into fists that had to make his nails dig painfully into his palms, like he was trying to fight an outburst of emotion, like he was trying to keep himself from breaking completely. He was like a panicked animal trapped in headlights, eyes screaming for something that Ruka didn't know how to give him, and then...

Then it was over.

That short moment of feelings was gone as quickly as it came, and it threw Ruka off so much he had to take a step back to take in the full picture of the boy in front of him.

He had gotten what he wanted?

Ruka shook his head in disbelief as he mulled over those words. They made no sense; From Selim's own words, this hadn't been what he had wanted. It had been what his parents had wanted, it was something he had just been outright questioning despite the fact that his parents would have disapproved of it. 
So if Apathy wasn't what Selim had been working towards, what was?

Ruka watched as the Slytherin boy turned, clearly trying to escape this conversation, probably in the hopes of not having to experience another onslaught of emotion like the one from before again, but the Fire Dancer wasn't having any of that. No, he had just started to get Selim to talk and he definitely wasn't going to let him walk off like that.

"What's that then?" he asked loudly. "What did you want?" He bit his lip again, the faint taste of blood still lingering where it hadn't dried completely yet. Within seconds he had sprinted after Selim, putting himself in the Slytherin's way as if that would in some way stop him from leaving, but maybe it would at least slow him down enough for Ruka to get a few more words in.

"What happened to you?" he asked, face set in determination. It was clear that there was a lot unspoken in Selim, and if his earlier reaction was any indication, then there was a good chance that, maybe, the right words would coax whatever he was keeping so secret about the past few days out of him.

He looked Selim up and down for a second as he tried to remember all the details of their conversation, looking for something he may have missed, something he could use now to confront the Slytherin.

For a second, Ruka's eyes drifted down to Selim's hands, and it triggered a faint memory of the way the Slytherin had stared at his hand when Ruka had called him a bad omen, as if he could still see an action on the palm of it that he just couldn't seem to shake. 
He looked back up again, into those once again expressionless eyes and mulled over the guilt he had seen in them just a short time ago.
Maybe the right question to ask wasn't what had happened to Selim. Maybe nothing had happened to him during those last few days.
Maybe...

"What did you do?"

He reached out with the intention of grabbing Selim's wrist for a moment, as if to make sure the boy wouldn't be able to run from his questions, but as his hand was mid-air, there was a chilling thought running through him that made him freeze in the middle of his movements, made his heart start pounding so fast he thought his ribs might be going to break under the heavy impact.

Selim had done something during the past week that had robbed him of all emotion - except this short show of guilt and pain. For the past week Jack had been away with only vague letters to promise he simply wasn't feeling well.
He remembered the tense set of Selim's shoulders when he had asked about how Jack was doing, remembered the Slytherin's odd use of the word Healing. 
Selim had been ready to walk away from him until the subject had turned to his dorm mate, until Ruka had specifically questioned Jack's state of health.

Up until one week ago Selim had still seemed like an - admittedly emotionally messed up - child, and now he was just this shadow of a person.

Kidnapping, torture, abuse

Selim's words flooded through his veins like icy water as he imagined the things one might be able to do if they had experienced the same kind of pain in their lives as this boy had.

He slowly dropped his hand again, backing away from Selim while tapping a frantic rhythm of One, two, threes into his thigh. His left hand reached for his wand again, clenching tightly around the base of it as if ready to defend himself should an attack follow his question.

He wasn't sure about his assumption, couldn't put his finger on just one thing to make him ask the question, but he knew that he was scared of the answer.

"What did you do to Jack?"

@Ruka Tân

___ ___ ___

The lion called out after him, asking questions Selim didn't feel obligated to answer. He kept walking, but was forced to stop when the boy blocked his way.

His eyes narrowed into amber silts as he looked at the upperclassmen steadily.

This boy was persistent, and from looking at the Gryffindor's face he could tell he was thinking. there was a glint in his eyes, a glint that Selim recognized as one he had seen on himself more then once.

Then the lion spoke, and this time, Selim couldn't ignore him.

"What did you do?"

His eyes widened at the question, another jolt running through him making his breath catch, another glitch.

He shook it off quickly, trying to move around him, but then the other boy reached out, as if to grab him, and instead Selim took a quick step back out of instinct.

He watched as the hand froze mid-air, eyes fixed on it, then slowly moving up to the upperclassmen's face.

It was frozen with something like cold realization... and that's when Selim knew the lion had figured it out.

Ruka Tân then asked a dreaded question...

"What did you do to Jack?"

Everything seemed to go silent.

Selim simply stalled, eyes fixed ahead, unseeing as memories flashed by, and the mental block shuddered. Emotions that had somehow been locked away in him strained against their binds, something seemed to snap, something dark, and wrong... a bloodlust triggered as how unstable he actually was made itself known. His fingers curled stiffly, reminiscent of claws as he felt the unholy urge to kill.

Then, that same failsafe kicked in. That untamable side was locked away, caged, and that mental block rose up once more, defending Selim against the possibility of simply snapping under his constant stress.

He looked up from where he had cast his eyes to the ground, staring at the Second-year with a chilling gaze.

Then, he answered the questing, voice cold, "I did as he requested."

Unconsciously, he clenched one fist, nails biting skin once more, before relaxing it.

Slowly, he walked towards the Gryffindor, until he was a mere few centimeters away. He noted the wand, and quickly acted, one hand grasping that wrists in a painful, vice grip, the other grabbing his shoulder.

Pivoting, he slammed the boy against the nearby wall, between two suits of armor, then pinned him. He still held the lion's wrist captive, largely preventing the use of his wand.

Selim then leaned down, murmuring a few words in the Gryffindor's ear.

"I suggest you don't poke your nose where it doesn't belong, Little Lion... sometimes, ignorance is bliss." He straightened, looking at the upperclassmen with eyes that almost seemed, solemn, or regretful.

"I'd know."

He released the other boy stepping away. Face expressionless, "For now, all you need to be aware of is that the fox is alive, and what happened to him was only the fault of his own insistence." His eyes became half-lidded, "But if you foolishly want to know more, ask Jack yourself when he gets back from recovery."

With that he partially turned away "It's up to him if he wants to tell you the truth, I've already done my part."

Honestly, why did he always have to meet the persistent ones? For some reason, no one seemed satisfied with their unawareness. If he'd known children his age always tried to poke their nose into other's business regardless of the consequences, he would've almost preferred staying home. Didn't they ever get tired of dealing with each other?

No matter, he had learned to be apathetic. Even if it was unintentional to create this mental block, it seemed to have no unsavory problems. What had just happened was a great example of why it was better to simply not care.

Though it had also revealed there was some flaws to it... he'd have to work them out. Luckily his mind seemed to have formed a failsafe... if it hadn't been there things would've ended up much messier... and bloodstained.

Honestly, those few moments of emotion had drained him... he acctually wanted to sleep for once... it was still daytime, so perhaps he could escape the nightmares... and that thing.

If this lion acctually let him leave, that is.

@Selim Faust

As expected, Ruka's call was nothing that would stop Selim from moving away from him, but the Slytherin did stop once the Fire Dancer had boldly blocked his path. At least his first instinct hadn't been to just outright throw a knife at Ruka, so that could possibly be counted as a win.

There was a short moment of something in Selim's eyes that just made Ruka even more certain that the other boy had committed some unspeakable action within the last few days, something he was desperately trying to shut out, to suppress along with those emotions he claimed to have successfully eliminated from his system.

It was just another mask though.

A mask to hide the fact that emotions were eating him up inside, a mask to cover the things he seemed to have done that cast this shadow of guilt and regret into his strangely slitted yellow eyes. Just another mask to hide that broken, messed up, scared boy Ruka had gotten a glimpse of back at the Hospital Wing.

Trying to grab for Selim's arm again would have turned out to be a failure as the Slytherin quickly stepped away from him, but Ruka would have rather dealt with the embarrassment of grabbing at thin air, than with the cold, heart shattering realisation that, whatever Selim had done, it had something to do with Jack's absence for the past week.

With his right hand still tapping a frantic One, two, three into his thigh and his left wrapping around his wand, Ruka watched the other boy still his movements for a moment, some part of his wall cracking yet again. The Gryffindor could see Selim's fingers curling like he wanted to put them around Ruka's throat in the sweet bliss of causing him physical harm, and that alone made him want to run for the Slytherin Common Room to check on Jack himself.

The look that Selim cast him made his blood freeze in his veins, his breath caught in his throat for so long he thought that maybe the Slytherin actually had wrapped his hands around his throat and was currently strangling the life out of him. 

However, when Selim finally spoke in response to his question, he could feel air flooding his lungs again, eyes focused on the boy in front of him with blatant fear reflected in his pupils.

He had done as Jack had requested?  That couldn't be right.

If, whatever he had done, was something that Jack had asked of him, why did it seem to be eating Selim up from the inside out? Why did it make him look at his hands as if the lines on his palms were hiding some blood curdling secret?

Before he could ponder it for too long, Ruka found his wrist caught in a vice grip, his fingers almost opening to drop the wand he was holding.
He had been so caught up in his own thoughts that Selim's rapidly approaching form had completely taken him by surprise, so he had to try very hard not to yelp loudly when he found himself pinned against the wall, a suit of armour on either side of him. The grip on Ruka's wrist was painful; He could feel small burn blisters opening under Selim's hand, the sticky discharge from the wounds making the grip feel even more restricting than it already was. 

He shivered involuntarily as Selim leaned close to whisper a barely concealed threat into his ear, and a part of him wanted to challenge it, wanted to ask what exactly was going to happen should he continue poking his nose where it didn't belong, but he found himself - for the first time since he was six years old - completely frozen in fear.

Everything inside him seemed to be working in overdrive as if to compensate for the fact that he found himself unable to move or say something, his heart pounding so rapidly it pained his ribs, his breath rattling his lungs with its intensity, his mind whirling with all this new information he was supposed to process before it could overwhelm him too much.

As Selim let go of him, he found himself simply staring at the Slytherin, eyes shrouded in complete terror as bright emerald turned to a grey shadow around his pupils. 

He wasn't scared of Selim, he realised as he dropped the hand that had been holding his wand, dabbing at the burst open blisters with his right sleeve. He wasn't scared of being stabbed by one of the other boy's seemingly countless knives, or of being impaled by a sword, or anything else the Slytherin was very clearly capable of doing.

He was scared for Jack, and the only other time he had ever experienced such a complete feeling of helplessness was as he had to first hand watch his father whither and die in a dirty, empty field of nothingness. 

Hot anger surged through him to replace the fear, anger at Selim for whatever it was he did that made him talk like the fact that Jack was alive was something that wasn't to be taken for granted, and anger at Jack for putting himself into these situations in the first place. 
For someone who got so upset at both Ruka and Selim for making him worry with their self-neglect and reckless behaviour, Jack was the one to constantly worry Ruka's mind with the enemies he made for himself, and the stupidly painful situations he seemed to get himself into. 

Jack was the only person who managed to make both courage and self-preservation synonymous to stupidity. 

"I'll ask him," he assured Selim through gritted teeth, an angry fire burning in his eyes as he watched the other boy turning away from him as if that was the last he had to say on the matter. "And he'll tell me." His voice was full of conviction, but in his mind he doubted his own words to a worrying degree. If Jack hadn't even trusted him with anything but vague reassurances to begin with, who was to say he would be comfortable telling him anything about what had happened with Selim when directly confronted with it.

After all, it wasn't like they were friends, so Jack had no obligations to tell him anything. 

"He'll tell me," he repeated again as if to convince himself of it, rather than Selim, his eyes burning with a challenge, as if to say And then I'll make sure you pay for whatever you've done, but he didn't say it out loud, didn't dare to.

Leaning back against the wall behind him, Ruka looked down at the ground for a second, heartbeat slowing down again, his breath finally calming.

The soft sound of One, two, three could be heard through the otherwise silent corridor as he tapped it against he wall with his right hand.

His anger had vanished for the moment, nothing but exhaustion left in his body.

Exhaustion and worry.

Maybe it was just time to return to his dormitory and get some more sleep.

Without giving the Slytherin any chance to put more doubt in his mind than there already was, Ruka pushed himself away from the wall and cast one more glance at Selim as he passed him. 

"I'll see you again," he told Selim, a slight threat in his voice. Once I know everything, he added silently, shaking his head at himself as he walked down the direction he had come from before encountering Selim. Back towards his Common Room maybe. 

There was nothing left to say.

One, two, three

His wand sparked lightly as he tapped it against his knee.

So as he made his way down the corridor, as far away from Selim as he possibly could, he just kept counting.