The Final Fall PV: Flash Finished

As the days continued, the stress only compounded. Things that he would normally have done in a matter of minutes consumed hours of time. His mind had started to fight against him, though he only wished to tame it, mold it. He had been told time and again that the mind had power over the body, but no matter how many times he told it to wake up, it errantly continued to slip into dormancy.

For days he had started to take evening walks after dinner, meandering. Things weren’t adding up. He was putting in all the effort he could, but things still broke apart. So often he would feel validated, even happy, knowing what he had learned had paid off. He collected the data, ran tests, course corrected as he went.

He had to double down. Become more disiplined. Stop spending time on things that distracted him just because they were interesting. Walking into a prank from Jack out of curiosity, almost letting Ross sabotage one of his relations on a whim, snapping at a Hufflepuff prefect… he kept slipping.

If he couldn't push through by walking, he could always crawl. Whatever got him upstream.

It was while drifting in that liminal space that a golden glow caught his eye, and his heart brightened. Willow. There was no one he would rather see, and at the moment of recognition he smiled warmly and started walking over to her.

But it was all completely wrong. Her movements were strict and forceful, her face a mixture of unhappy emotions, and her hair was up in a ponytail. Like a stranger. Flash’s face fell immidiately as his heart found its way into his throat. No…

Then she spoke. ”You can drop the act now.”

The act…? Flash head spun as the words kept coming. Ruka… and the Hufflepuff? His two biggest mistakes. What had happened, what did Willow hear, who was the narrator, how had he come off? It was so important how a story was told.

When she said she punched Ruka to defend him, he wanted to feel happy. That was the Willow that he knew, he didn’t know who was talking to him now. Thought he was lying? Ruka talked to Willow? Dammit!

It was stupid of him to think Ruka wouldn’t retaliate against him, but how much more punsihment did he want to dole out? Hadn’t he been humiliated enough? It seemed as though Ruka didn’t have a metric for fair retribution. There was only retribution.

Then, Willow’s face changed again. She had forced out what she needed to say first, but now she was talking straight from her heart. Then, she painted a picture of who she was to him. A hideous one. One where he didn’t care about her, where he wanted to destroy her. It hit Flash like a sudden freefall, his stomach hurt, causing him to reflexively grab tightly onto his shirt. That’s not true… you can’t believe that...

”I thought we were family. But instead you were always one of them.”

She was crying. He hated it. He had seen her cry before, but only in passing, as her emotions overwhelmed her. Now, they covered her face, glittering in the dying light of the day. The wind blew through him, like he was a spectre watching life pass by, unable to act. He should be holding her when she cried like that. Instead he watched, wide-eyed and motionless.

He was speechless, for a while. She asked him to respond, but he had nothing prepared to defend himself. He didn’t have an ‘approach’ for Willow, he would always just say what was on his mind. The thing on his mind now though was Please don’t hate me...

”R-Ruka…” Flash began, but right away his voice trembled. He was already in a daze before she showed up. The suddenness of the accusations made his mind a tempest. He wondered which of the thought he was having was the right one. Which ones would save him. ”They were… those are… but, Willow, you’re different then them. I would never…”

How convincing could that be, it was practically begging. He wanted this to stop, he needed her to stop hurting.

”I would never treat you like I treat other people!“

What was he saying.

@Willow Anderson

She had caught him off guard. Thank goodness. But he still wouldn't admit that he was using her, she just wanted him to fess up to what he'd done. Procrastinating her pain didn't make anything better. Maybe he was trying to keep her roped into his games. The mere fact that even if he was telling the truth, he still thought it was okay to be doing the things he was doing to other people. Who knew how many other people he hang wrangled in and used for his own personal gain.

Her arms returned to her side, trying to stand tall and powerful against him. She never had the advantage against those who hurt her, this felt right. "Thank goodness you wouldn't treat me like that." She rolled her eyes at him. "You pulled me in just to take advantage of me, admit it! Just admit that that's what you had planned for this dumb Hufflepuff all along!" Anger bubbled up again from the pit of her stomach, but the tears wouldn't stop. "Please, just stop the acting. I don't want to see the fake Flash that pulled me in, I want to see the real you. The one everyone warned me to run from, the one everyone told me was going to destroy me in the end."

Her hand went to her wrist with the bracelet that they shared, "I wanted to grow with you Flash. Through this whole crazy Hogwarts thing. I wanted us to be best friends. The stupid dirt gremlins." Her voice was quieter, more sentimental as she revealed all that she thought they could be. "I told my grandma about you! I hope she sees me now, standing up against someone who hurt me. She was excited to meet you, but I'm glad she doesn't have to worry about it now." She sighed looking up at the sky as she regained herself again, as she slowly pulled her bracelet off.

"I had never let myself match bracelets with someone. I spent hours thinking about the colors... the design. It may be just some stupid bracelets to some, but whenever I looked at it I thought of you. I thought about how I wasn't alone anymore, how I had someone to defend me and protect me, and I could do the same for them. I should've always known that I would end up protecting myself again." She looked down at the bracelet burning a hole in her hand. She clenched her fist before throwing it at him. "Keep it. I'm sure you have no use for it anyway, because it never meant anything to you in the first place." She took a couple steps back from him, disgusted with who she let herself fall into. "I... I just... I trusted you to take care of me." She sighed, "I wish you had been kind for once and spared me from this." Her arms returned to hug herself, not having anything else to say to him. But not having the ability to move.

To walk away felt like fully giving up on this. Like she would lose him forever, and despite everything that he had done she couldn't walk away. She wished Ruka and the Hufflepuff boy would show up and say it was all a joke and she could hug him and laugh about how stupid this all was, but they were nowhere to be found in the empty courtyard.

It only got worse. Agony. Flash’s thoughts started to fly further and further away from his body, trying to distance themselves from what was happening. Whoever talked to Willow, Ruka and Ross both, they had convinced her with what they said. Convinced her that Flash was out to control her just like he had with so many others. It was starting to come together, if they only just shared what Flash had done to them, wouldn’t that be enough to make anyone paranoid about when Flash would flip the switch? No one knew what was going on in his mind, no one knew the ‘real Flash’, not even he did.

But if anyone was close to knowing, it was Willow. Until that day. The words she spoke were like daggers, the pain only multiplying as they stuck in him one after the other. She mentioned growing with him, and her grandmother. He had so much he wanted to say in reply. He wanted them to talk like before, what was she going to tell her family now? What was the school going to be saying about him, had he ruined everything?

He wanted to do damage control, but his whole body was a stationary object. He had learned not to do anything at all when he was being yelled at. Speaking out of turn or yelling or crying… that was a punishable offense. He was to stay still and listen. Absorb. Learn. Internalize. That was what it all was, he realized. He was being punished for being inadequate. He read the books, asked Valerius the questions, practiced on his peers, and failed it all miserably. If only he was better, if only he could have done things right.

What was right? He didn’t know anymore. The way Willow cried, taking off her friendship bracelet and throwing it at him, was not right. Flash caught it in his hand, weakly clutching it between his fingers. The action caused him to start breathing again. This was all really happening. When he considered it fully, his whole body filled with dread. He didn’t want to live in a world where love just vanishes at a moment’s notice. Where it can be ripped away from him because of something someone said. He had studied so much, how to speak and what to say. How had it failed him so miserably, what had he missed?

He didn’t know. Willow lingered, looking at him quietly as if wishing he would say something that would abate all her fears. He couldn’t lie, it would serve no purpose. He didn’t want a friendship that was built on lies. All he ever wanted was a world where he was exactly what he needed to be-- to everyone. It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t fake. Why did everyone insist that it was. What did they want from him that they thought he wasn’t giving? He just didn’t understand. He needed to say something, didn’t he? She was going to run away, out of his life at any moment. She felt betrayed.

Even though it wasn’t true. He knew it wasn’t true, but how could he prove it, when she had so much proof that he was always trying to have the upperhand. It reminded him of the pivotal moment in his conversation with Ruka, when he realized Ruka was a person, and not just a tool to operate to get what he wanted. He never needed that realization with Willow, but that was all within him. There was no proof. He couldn’t possibly care about everyone the way he cared about Willow. Did Valerius care about everyone he talked to? It was impossible, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it easier to see them as data, to collect their information? He thought about what he knew about Willow. She loved everyone, without a filter. She would never accept his reasoning for acting the way he did. His whole life he fought to be heard and understood, but things were just easier when he said exactly what they wanted to hear. How were both paths wrong?

”Willow…” Having not spoken for a while, Flash’s voice was still strained and uneven. ”I have nothing to say.”

@Willow Anderson

She watched him stand there, catching her bracelet. She half believed it would disintegrate in his hand. She slowly shook her head as he stayed silent. Of course he didn't have anything to say, because she caught him red-handed. But on all the Gods and Goddesses he wished he would run and hug her, tell her it was all fake. They were the liars, not him. Or that he would start manically laughing, sealing in the deal that it was all real. But he was just standing there. This wasn't the end she wanted. She wanted him to fight for her, but he didn't. Which seemed like all the proof that she needed that he didn't care about her.

She slowly took steps back as he said his final piece. "I don't have anything else either. Goodbye Flash." A goodbye felt like the end. She dreaded the time they would see each other again, because it was inevitable. They had herbology together, they both spent time outside so much. They had that birthday party tomorrow... She would deal with that tomorrow. For now, this was it. All she had to do was walk away.

With a final sigh she turned to walk away, after a few feet she paused. She wanted to turn around, to take one last look at someone that had come to mean so much to her, but she couldn't. She kept going, her arms staying wrapped tight around her. She had to be there for herself now, just like always. She was foolish for believing she had someone. Flash was foolish for believing that she wouldn't find out.

She still couldn’t help but feel like it was her fault for falling for it in the first place.

Willow has left the thread.