Christmas Letters PV Gem Stuart Closed

James,

Wow, I cant believe I'm the one that's been marked as the dramatic, poetic one when you were able to spew all that hogwash out like nothing. I think I'm in a momentary comatose state as my brain decides whether it wants me to regurgitate the airline food or cry because that was singlehandedly the worst/best thing I've ever read in my life. I'll get back to you on my response in about 3-5 business days.

Wales has been fine, we're just doing a lot of soundcheck and warmups for right now. We don't even get to rest to eat! We have to play and get a few bites in between, quite ridiculous. I forgot that I was holding a sandwich and not my pick, so I ended up smashing my lunch into my Jaguar. That was fun.

I do miss you loads, though. I wish that you'd be able to come with me, but Leland is quite strict about who gets to come into the studio and who doesn't - it's quite lame. Now if I have nightmares, I can't sneak into your bed anymore. I have to sleep on a couch, just because I don't want to share a bed with my dad. Can you believe that? I don't think anything bad has happened yet, just a lot of Work! Work! Work! kind of stuff, you know?

What about you? Anything crazy happen yet?
I guess muggles always have something crazy happening, don't they?

Your Wife, Lover, and Bezzie,
Gem.

P.S., my father's owl, Mr. Dave Mustaine, is an arsehole. I know he looks soft and cute and he's very tempting to pet, but don't do it. He will bite you, and it will hurt.

@James McMurtrie

Hey Gem,

Thanks for the headsup about the owl - He tried to bite my fingers off but I was prepared. My dog is completely terrified of him. Every time he appears in the kitchen window Archie ends up hiding in the laundry hamper. It took as 45 minutes and 3 rashers of bacon to coax him out the other day.

Nothing too crazy’s happening really. Dad really wants to come watch Lark play Quiddich, but we sent a letter to the school and they say Mum and Dad can’t come because they’re Muggles.

Seems kinda bullshit to me but whatever.

My Grandparents just got here, I want you to meet them some day, I reckon they’d like you. They have this whole tradition of taking me into town and buying hot chocolate from five different places and then testing them against each other, so that’s always fun. No doubt Grandpa’s going to rant at a stranger about how “Jeremy Corbyn would be ten times the Prime Minister compared to that mophead dunce Johnson” so that’s always a show.

And hey, don’t worry about the Leland thing, I can always come hear you record when you’re the famous one. When you’re a famous rockstar you’ve got to promise me that you’ll a) Remember little guys like me and b) sign loads of stuff so I can sell it on Gumtree and become independently wealthy of the back of your success.

With every passing day my heart aches more and more in your absence. If only my dreams were reality, so that each night as you grace them, I’d be able to see you again.

My heart belongs to you, forever and always,


James.

James,

That is bullshit. I can't imagine how that must feel like - maybe one day, if the whole order comes around to your place, we could play a game of quidditch for your parents. I think it might just be better than the actual game, you know - who needs famous wizards and fancy broomsticks, anyway?

I feel as if your grandpa and my dad would get along excellently. I don't know a thing about politics, but I know my dad does, he talks about them all the damn time, I wish I knew what the hell he was even saying. Boris Johnson this, the royal family that, America this, liberalism that. Muggle politics are complicated, I think my brain is too small to handle all of that.

Maybe my brain is smooth. Did you know koala's brains are smooth? I wish I were a koala.

When I'm a rockstar, you'll get whatever you want because we're married. We'll live a lavish lifestyle, have a billion cats, and we'll both wear the best kinds of sunglasses on the rack at Tesco. Maybe we can glue rhinestones on them and invite Damon Albarn to come around and help us.

You want to work for the Ministry, don't you? Make some changes to how we govern people? I'll back you up, but I don't think I'm cool enough to work politically. You are, you seem like you know what you're doing... or maybe you have a smooth brain, too.

Much love,
Gem.

@James McMurtrie