Every Letter Hurts
date
17/09/25word count
543outfit
⁺₊ ☀︎ ⁺₊speech
#8C2626mentions
@Mahlioz Evethisawenotes
xxx
Lucille's soft, hesitant footsteps trudged up the tower. Most homesick children might race up the stairs, eager for word from their families. But, Lucille had been putting it off. She had been one of the children scrambling for a letter whenever they went to the owlery, but she had come to realize that words from her family hurt too much. Lucille could usually keep herself occupied in Hogwarts. Hogwarts rarely gave her a moment to herself, anyway. Her schedule was packed with so many different classes and, by the time she got into bed, she was too tired to think about her home. But, when she visited the owlery and the sweet little owl handed her a letter, she would read the words and feel that pang of sadness so strongly, that she was beginning to resent the letters, the reminders of home.
Nevertheless, Lucille entered the owlery. It was quiet, empty; she had chosen a time that wasn't so busy on purpose, not wanting to come across someone she knew and having to speak to them, instead of spending a private moment with the words of her family. She checked for a letter and, sure enough, an owl had brought one for her. This one was from Genevieve, the first one she had received from her since she'd come to Hogwarts.
Immediately, Lucille collapsed to the floor of the owlery. It was becoming a common sight for the owls over the past few weeks. She scooted back until she was leaning against the wall, and then tore open the envelope. Her mother would tell her to use a letter opener, but Lucille had always preferred to simply rip apart the envelope, eager to reach its contents.
As she read, her sadness began to grow. Gen had written a lovely letter, asking about her time at Hogwarts, warning her not to break any rules, and definitely not to break curfew until she knew the castle well enough to sneak out. She asked about the boat ride, surprisingly about the friends she might have made and, of course, how flying class was going.
The letter was strict; its tone matter-of-fact and to the point. It read like a checklist for Lucille to cover in her time at Hogwarts, but between the stern words and attempted encouragement, Lucille could see the signs of her sister. She could imagine Gen seated at a desk, painfully writing this letter to her baby sister who had grown up too fast. She knew Gen would be emotional, even if the words on the parchment in front of her had tried to hide it.
Lucille read the letter, and then read it again. And again. With each read, her eyes began to blur, until she blinked and suddenly tears were rushing out. Bringing her knees up, Lucille bent her head and rested it on them, closing her eyes, willing herself to stop, to get a grip, before someone saw her or, worse, before she would be too late to start her homework and finish by a reasonable time. But, try as she might, the tears continued to slip out quietly, even as she made no noise, curling into herself, almost unnoticeable if she wasn't the only person in the room.
| sta 7 eva 7 str 6 wis 5 arc 6 acc 4 calming presence |
Every Letter Hurts
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Every Letter Hurts
date
17/09/25word count
490outfit
⁺₊ ☀︎ ⁺₊speech
#8C2626mentions
@Mahlioz Evethisawenotes
xxx
A voice interrupted her thoughts, and Lucille froze, stiller than she had already been. There was a pause as Lucille tried to collect herself, and then the voice spoke again, asking if she would like to talk about it. It sounded older, not someone around her age, and the concern threatened to cause her flood of tears to restart. It reminded her of home, and how her family would be concerned for her at the littlest things, always seeing her as younger than she actually was.
For a second, the only indication that Lucille had heard the voice was the involuntary tightening of her fingers around the parchment, clutching it dearly. It was truly the crumpling noise that finally got through to her and, taking a deep breath, she lifted her head, quickly wiping her face once with her sleeve, desperately trying to get rid of the wet tears that glistened on her cheeks without being too obvious. Despite the effort, the remnants of her crying remained in her puffy cheeks, swollen eyes, and dried tears.
Bravely, she looked up at the speaker to see that she had been correct; it was an older student, a fourth or fifth year if she had to guess, and they looked at her with concern in their eyes, keeping a bit of distance between the two of them, as if Lucille was a nervous animal that might lash out at any minute. She noticed the letter they held in their hands, and grimaced, knowing that she was probably delaying whatever business they had come here to attend to.
"I'm okay," Lucille started, her voice a bit hoarse as it worked to go around the lump in her throat. She swallowed, cleared her throat, and then started again. "It's just a letter from home," she said, gesturing to the parchment. She loosened her death grip on it, only now realizing how her hold had tightened. Her eyes remained on the parchment, as her chin dropped to rest on her knees, and she continued. "It's my sister. The first letter she's sent me here." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, but she resolutely refused to let them come out now. This is stupid. So many students leave their families, yet I haven't seen someone else crying about it, she thought harshly to herself.
And yet, the memories that she had built up throughout her life refused to leave her in this place, occupying her thoughts at night right before she was about to fall asleep, terrorizing her in the morning when she awoke, and, of course, haunting her when she received a letter. She glanced at the other student for half a second, before quickly looking away, trying to decipher them. They seemed a bit unsure about how to speak to her, but concerned all the same. The thought only served to embarrass her, that she was causing such a scene as to need comfort.
| sta 7 eva 7 str 6 wis 5 arc 6 acc 4 calming presence |
Every Letter Hurts
|
|
|
|
|
Every Letter Hurts
date
17/09/25word count
761outfit
⁺₊ ☀︎ ⁺₊speech
#8C2626mentions
@Mahlioz Evethisawenotes
xxx
For a moment, Lucille felt as if lifting her head was a mistake. She took a ragged breath, not as subtle as she'd like it to be, as she met the eyes of the older student crouched next to her. There was clear concern in their eyes, but it looked as if they could not figure out what to say. Tears threatened to spill over again. Lucille had now put them both in an awkward situation and, despite the well-meaning look in her newfound companion's eyes, guilt crept in at having interrupted their moment for her own.
But, before Lucille could voice that she really was okay, and that she could certainly be left alone, and did not need someone to comfort her, and all manner of untrue thoughts that were spoken frequently and insincerely to make awkward situations more bearable, the student spoke. She told her of how she herself had felt when they first arrived at Hogwarts, although Lucille doubted that they could possibly remember it clearly enough to understand how she was feeling, when it had certainly happened a few years ago. But, despite that uncharacteristically harsh thought, she remained silent and let her continue.
Time.
That was what it all boiled down to, always. They were right; all Lucille had to do was let enough time pass, and then the holidays would arrive. But the holidays felt so far away, and this castle felt so vast that she was likely to get lost before she found her way out of here and into the arms of her family. Both figuratively and physically.
A pause, somewhat abrupt, but Lucille was now staring at the older student, hanging on to their every word. She sniffled a little, and rubbed her eyes, not caring anymore to hide the fact that she had been crying. The other person had certainly already figured that out by now.
There was a thoughtful look in their eyes, as if remembering something, reminiscing maybe. Perhaps she was trying to recall the pain of being a first year in this strange, vast place. Lucille wondered if she had had friends from before Hogwarts; Lucille could not claim to have old company here, and perhaps that was what was ruining her in this way.
And then she said that she could leave, and Lucille felt an ache, a surprising one. She did not want them to go and, before they took her silence as a sign to leave, she swallowed the lump in her throat, rushing to get the words out.
"No, no, you can stay." Lucille winced a little at her odd choice of words, as if giving them permission instead of asking her to stay. She shook her head, straightening and pressing her wrists to her eyes in a final attempt to clear her thoughts. As she lowered them again, and wrapped them around her knees yet again, she faced the older student once more. "I mean, that helps. Even if time is the most difficult thing to face right now."
She faced forward, staring at nothing, or perhaps staring at the owls who were quietly minding their own business. A few looked at the pair with curious eyes, but most were eating preening their feathers, sleeping, all keeping to themselves, uninterested in the two of them. "This shouldn't be so difficult. My sister doesn't even live at home, so it's not like I'm not used to her being away." There was a slight wobble in her voice as she spoke, but nowhere near as much as the uncontrollable one just a few minutes ago. "I was so excited to come here and, in a way, I guess it does make me feel closer to them. My family, I mean, except my dad. They all roamed these halls years before I did, and sometimes I come across a place they've described in their stories, and I am infatuated. But once that wears off, I get the strange feeling of not belonging here, not as completely as they did. And when I am reminded of them, it is difficult to explore the way I wanted to. It's as if there's nothing to explore." Her thoughts were fractured, as broken and haphazard as her sentences, but her voice was stable. It was as if speaking was making her thoughts more real, grounding her, but she still could not meet the other person's eyes. She felt if she faced them fully and completely, her ability to speak would be lost in the wave of memories of home, and her pathetic display of tears would continue.
| sta 7 eva 7 str 6 wis 5 arc 6 acc 4 calming presence |