17 Jan 2020, 21:59
A Pyro Performance
@Ruka Tân
"Sounds like Lady Luck likes you for the most part," Jack commented, thinking about the stories Ruka had lived through to tell. "Your first use of magic worked in your favor, which sounds incredibly rare from the other tales I've heard about first magic. Then you nearly died by giant squid and drowning, but you survived that, too.
"And that's nothing to say of the times you could have caused permanent damage with your fire tricks to yourself or your wand or anything else, but you continue to practice them anyway." He sighed. "You've got Gryffindor bravery, alright. But I personally consider bravery a synonym for stupidity, since it basically means knowing something is dangerous to do and choosing to do it anyway. Can't you be a bit more careful about the risks you take?"
He might have asked Ruka to consider how his parents would worry about him, but then he realized that was a mistake. If the other boy's mom had left him shortly after he was born and his dad was no longer alive, who did he have left? It only hit Jack just then that Ruka probably wouldn't have been performing on the street for money if he and his father had relatives to stay with or another means to live. How was he attending this school, then? And where did he go for summer vacation?
How long had Ruka been without his father?
Suddenly, Jack felt his own issues were much smaller in comparison. He didn't know where he would be without his own parents. Despite the redhead's insistance to himself that relationships and bonds with others were only detrimental to one's health, weren't his oldest and strongest bonds with his parents? He had completely taken them for granted. Even if he ended up completely friendless and alone in the world, he had always thought at the back of his mind that his parents were the family he could return to.
And yet, there Ruka was, grinning and performing on his own as if he had not a care in the world. Where did someone get the strength to smile like that when they had no one there for them? Well, perhaps that was too much to assume. Just because Ruka was alone now didn't mean he didn't have other family or friends somewhere. He had said he and a friend had gone out on the night he had encountered the giant squid. Jack was so tempted to ask, but would that have been crossing a line? Surely not if it was a person Ruka had already mentioned.
"Say, Tân...you know that friend you talked about? The one you went to find sea creatures with? Did...did he survive okay?"
The Slytherin wandered over to where his tie had fallen as he thought about all this, going to put it over the chair along with his robes before returning to stand near Ruka.
"Not to burst your bubble, but you're doing a really shit job trying to make people hate you if you're using the same tactics on them that you're using on me right now," the other boy pointed out.
At that, Jack stiffened. He hadn't wanted to think about that, but it was a lot easier to ignore his own voice in his head than it was someone else speaking it aloud. Trying not to panic, he managed another laugh, though it sounded somewhat strained.
"Yeah, well...I don't use them all the time," he confessed. "Just...just when people get too close." It was taking more and more effort to push people away and he felt like he was wearing himself down. That was the reason he had actually come here - for some respite from all that. Not to find another reason to have to do it all over again.
He feared he was starting to feel closer to Ruka than any other kid he'd met so far at Hogwarts in the months he'd been there. It was only in the span of a few short minutes or hours - who knew, with how much fun they'd been having? - that he'd come to really like the Gryffindor. The briefness of their encounter had been his excuse to himself - to keep from having to try to make Ruka hate him, too. But the way they got along so well was starting to scare the Slytherin.
"It is not the people with the best intentions who get you hurt," Opeila's words echoed back at him from a few days ago. "It is the cowards with the best intentions. You are being a coward, Jack Burnett, and you know it."
She had been right, of course. She had been right about everything and Jack had known from the start that he was a coward. But just as bravery was a synonym for stupidity to him, cowardice was a synonym for self-preservation. He had to be a coward and distance himself from people or he doubted he would be able to survive.
Yes, cutting ties with people hurt, but it was nothing compared to losing them in other ways. Ruka surely had to understand that, right? He had lost his dad, after all. He knew the pain one had to undergo. Jack just didn't think he was as strong as Ruka was.
"Ouch," he hissed, having grabbed the firey end of the burning stick Ruka had offered to him. Jack withdrew his burned hand instantly, waving it away from him to try to cool it off. He cast Ruka an abashed smile.
"Oops...all that nagging you to be more careful and then I'm the one who doesn't pay attention," he remarked, holding his hand behind his back once it had cooled a little. "I guess I'd...probably better go to the infirmary to get it looked at. Y'know, since I don't have your tolerance for burns and pain and the like." Jack hurried to grab his robes and tie from the chair. "Sorry, Tân. I guess I'm just not cut out to be an interactive audience member." He tried to laugh again, but it came out sounding hollow and he immediately regretted it.
I'm sorry I have to leave you like this. But I have to now or I'll never be able to later.
He was sure Ruka was right about there being nothing like throwing fire around the room to get rid of some pent-up anger. The trouble was that the only pent-up anger he had was toward himself.
"Sounds like Lady Luck likes you for the most part," Jack commented, thinking about the stories Ruka had lived through to tell. "Your first use of magic worked in your favor, which sounds incredibly rare from the other tales I've heard about first magic. Then you nearly died by giant squid and drowning, but you survived that, too.
"And that's nothing to say of the times you could have caused permanent damage with your fire tricks to yourself or your wand or anything else, but you continue to practice them anyway." He sighed. "You've got Gryffindor bravery, alright. But I personally consider bravery a synonym for stupidity, since it basically means knowing something is dangerous to do and choosing to do it anyway. Can't you be a bit more careful about the risks you take?"
He might have asked Ruka to consider how his parents would worry about him, but then he realized that was a mistake. If the other boy's mom had left him shortly after he was born and his dad was no longer alive, who did he have left? It only hit Jack just then that Ruka probably wouldn't have been performing on the street for money if he and his father had relatives to stay with or another means to live. How was he attending this school, then? And where did he go for summer vacation?
How long had Ruka been without his father?
Suddenly, Jack felt his own issues were much smaller in comparison. He didn't know where he would be without his own parents. Despite the redhead's insistance to himself that relationships and bonds with others were only detrimental to one's health, weren't his oldest and strongest bonds with his parents? He had completely taken them for granted. Even if he ended up completely friendless and alone in the world, he had always thought at the back of his mind that his parents were the family he could return to.
And yet, there Ruka was, grinning and performing on his own as if he had not a care in the world. Where did someone get the strength to smile like that when they had no one there for them? Well, perhaps that was too much to assume. Just because Ruka was alone now didn't mean he didn't have other family or friends somewhere. He had said he and a friend had gone out on the night he had encountered the giant squid. Jack was so tempted to ask, but would that have been crossing a line? Surely not if it was a person Ruka had already mentioned.
"Say, Tân...you know that friend you talked about? The one you went to find sea creatures with? Did...did he survive okay?"
The Slytherin wandered over to where his tie had fallen as he thought about all this, going to put it over the chair along with his robes before returning to stand near Ruka.
"Not to burst your bubble, but you're doing a really shit job trying to make people hate you if you're using the same tactics on them that you're using on me right now," the other boy pointed out.
At that, Jack stiffened. He hadn't wanted to think about that, but it was a lot easier to ignore his own voice in his head than it was someone else speaking it aloud. Trying not to panic, he managed another laugh, though it sounded somewhat strained.
"Yeah, well...I don't use them all the time," he confessed. "Just...just when people get too close." It was taking more and more effort to push people away and he felt like he was wearing himself down. That was the reason he had actually come here - for some respite from all that. Not to find another reason to have to do it all over again.
He feared he was starting to feel closer to Ruka than any other kid he'd met so far at Hogwarts in the months he'd been there. It was only in the span of a few short minutes or hours - who knew, with how much fun they'd been having? - that he'd come to really like the Gryffindor. The briefness of their encounter had been his excuse to himself - to keep from having to try to make Ruka hate him, too. But the way they got along so well was starting to scare the Slytherin.
"It is not the people with the best intentions who get you hurt," Opeila's words echoed back at him from a few days ago. "It is the cowards with the best intentions. You are being a coward, Jack Burnett, and you know it."
She had been right, of course. She had been right about everything and Jack had known from the start that he was a coward. But just as bravery was a synonym for stupidity to him, cowardice was a synonym for self-preservation. He had to be a coward and distance himself from people or he doubted he would be able to survive.
Yes, cutting ties with people hurt, but it was nothing compared to losing them in other ways. Ruka surely had to understand that, right? He had lost his dad, after all. He knew the pain one had to undergo. Jack just didn't think he was as strong as Ruka was.
"Ouch," he hissed, having grabbed the firey end of the burning stick Ruka had offered to him. Jack withdrew his burned hand instantly, waving it away from him to try to cool it off. He cast Ruka an abashed smile.
"Oops...all that nagging you to be more careful and then I'm the one who doesn't pay attention," he remarked, holding his hand behind his back once it had cooled a little. "I guess I'd...probably better go to the infirmary to get it looked at. Y'know, since I don't have your tolerance for burns and pain and the like." Jack hurried to grab his robes and tie from the chair. "Sorry, Tân. I guess I'm just not cut out to be an interactive audience member." He tried to laugh again, but it came out sounding hollow and he immediately regretted it.
I'm sorry I have to leave you like this. But I have to now or I'll never be able to later.
He was sure Ruka was right about there being nothing like throwing fire around the room to get rid of some pent-up anger. The trouble was that the only pent-up anger he had was toward himself.
PC: Jack Burnett | iNPC: Ginyami Midorimori
18 Jan 2020, 02:36
A Pyro Performance
Ruka couldn‘t help but laugh a bit at Jack‘s words of bravery and stupidity. Something about that rang incredibly true, sometimes bravery turned into complete recklessness but... he didn‘t think he‘d have it any other way. „I guess I‘d just rather regret having done something than not having done it. You lose some sense of self-preservation when you don‘t feel like there‘s much left to preserve anymore.“ His smile faltered a little as he thought about sleeping under the stars with growling stomachs and thin blankets, about his dad telling him stories of adventurers to keep him entertained even through the worst of nights. He thought about how, now that his dad was gone all those stories had died and the nights seemed to have gone darker, about how he felt like without his only family left he was a mere cardboard cutout of his former self.
What were you supposed to preserve when you barely recognised the face in the mirror anymore?
Ruka shook that thought away with a little sigh, instead opting to give Jack a small smile. He wondered if the other boy had always had such a careful nature or if something had happened to cause him to build up those seemingly high walls around himself. Despite the fun they‘d been having, it was glaringly obvious that there were a lot more layers to this boy than just this snarky, witty, come-as-you-are front he‘d mostly been presenting since their encounter.
Ruka stopped what he was doing for a second when Jack asked about whether his friend had survived okay, not sure what exactly the intent behind the question was.
Jack didn‘t strike him as the kind of person who really cared that much about a stranger‘s fate, at least not enough to word his question this carefully.
Maybe the real question wasn‘t if Donny was alright but rather if he was still around. Maybe Jack was actually curious about whether this reckless orphan had anybody else by his side.
Maybe, just maybe, Jack did care a little bit?
„Oh, yeah, he got away with nothing but the trauma of almost letting me drown,“ Ruka answered with a little laugh that turned empty just a second later. „I haven‘t really talked much to him since detention.“ He remembered the Blossomfest, the Veritaserum in the spiked punch and how angry Donny had become under its influence. He wondered, briefly, if he felt that kind of anger towards Ruka for having avoided him for so long. „I haven‘t exactly wanted much company lately,“ he admitted with a shrug.
Really, what he hadn‘t wanted was people smothering him in sympathy that didn‘t do anything at all to bring his dad back to him again. He hadn‘t wanted to see the looks on people’s faces when he told them that he was left without a family as well as without a roof over his head from now on.
He didn‘t want to be the person people treated like a raw egg, like he was something that would break at the slightest touch.
Ruka cast Jack a side glance as the other boy was talking, clearly stiffer than before, his words sounding more guarded, his voice a little more on edge.
What he was saying really just solidified Ruka‘s guess that this kid was doing his best to keep people as far away from his wall as he possibly could, and there was a chance Ruka had just crossed a line by telling him he didn‘t hate him yet.
He decided not to say anything about that, didn‘t want to push and prod at a sensitive topic, so instead he just focused on the fire and his feet, careful to not get too hurt in the process.
Speaking of hurt, he flinched a little when Jack seemed to reach straight for the burning end of the stick, stepping back to shake his hand off the burn almost a little too quickly.
It‘s an excuse, a voice said inside his head. An excuse to run away.
Ruka couldn‘t blame him, not when he himself had been running away from people since the summer. He had just sort of hoped Jack wouldn’t feel the need to run from him.
He watched, almost mournfully, as Jack gathered his things, almost too quickly, listened to the boy‘s hollow laugh, his careful words.
„Hey Burn-it,“ he said before Jack could actually make true on his words and leave. „I‘m not looking to make friends right now if that‘s what you‘re worried about.“ He shrugged, a slightly teasing smile curling his lips. „So if you want, I can walk you to the infirmary - acquaintance-style - and you could tell me some more about what part of my character traits you hold synonymous to stupidity?“ He grinned, hoping that some light banter would ease Jack’s tension, as he carefully extinguished the flame that was already threateningly close to Ruka‘s hand, huffing a weak puff of smoke as it dimmed. „Call it overly emotional, but I‘d feel pretty bad to let you go by yourself after I was the reason you got burned in the first place.“
Ruka didn‘t add it, but he was pretty sure Jack‘s worries were much more about him getting more than just his hand burned.
And maybe he was right too.
After all, Ruka did like to play with fire.
@Jack Burnett
What were you supposed to preserve when you barely recognised the face in the mirror anymore?
Ruka shook that thought away with a little sigh, instead opting to give Jack a small smile. He wondered if the other boy had always had such a careful nature or if something had happened to cause him to build up those seemingly high walls around himself. Despite the fun they‘d been having, it was glaringly obvious that there were a lot more layers to this boy than just this snarky, witty, come-as-you-are front he‘d mostly been presenting since their encounter.
Ruka stopped what he was doing for a second when Jack asked about whether his friend had survived okay, not sure what exactly the intent behind the question was.
Jack didn‘t strike him as the kind of person who really cared that much about a stranger‘s fate, at least not enough to word his question this carefully.
Maybe the real question wasn‘t if Donny was alright but rather if he was still around. Maybe Jack was actually curious about whether this reckless orphan had anybody else by his side.
Maybe, just maybe, Jack did care a little bit?
„Oh, yeah, he got away with nothing but the trauma of almost letting me drown,“ Ruka answered with a little laugh that turned empty just a second later. „I haven‘t really talked much to him since detention.“ He remembered the Blossomfest, the Veritaserum in the spiked punch and how angry Donny had become under its influence. He wondered, briefly, if he felt that kind of anger towards Ruka for having avoided him for so long. „I haven‘t exactly wanted much company lately,“ he admitted with a shrug.
Really, what he hadn‘t wanted was people smothering him in sympathy that didn‘t do anything at all to bring his dad back to him again. He hadn‘t wanted to see the looks on people’s faces when he told them that he was left without a family as well as without a roof over his head from now on.
He didn‘t want to be the person people treated like a raw egg, like he was something that would break at the slightest touch.
Ruka cast Jack a side glance as the other boy was talking, clearly stiffer than before, his words sounding more guarded, his voice a little more on edge.
What he was saying really just solidified Ruka‘s guess that this kid was doing his best to keep people as far away from his wall as he possibly could, and there was a chance Ruka had just crossed a line by telling him he didn‘t hate him yet.
He decided not to say anything about that, didn‘t want to push and prod at a sensitive topic, so instead he just focused on the fire and his feet, careful to not get too hurt in the process.
Speaking of hurt, he flinched a little when Jack seemed to reach straight for the burning end of the stick, stepping back to shake his hand off the burn almost a little too quickly.
It‘s an excuse, a voice said inside his head. An excuse to run away.
Ruka couldn‘t blame him, not when he himself had been running away from people since the summer. He had just sort of hoped Jack wouldn’t feel the need to run from him.
He watched, almost mournfully, as Jack gathered his things, almost too quickly, listened to the boy‘s hollow laugh, his careful words.
„Hey Burn-it,“ he said before Jack could actually make true on his words and leave. „I‘m not looking to make friends right now if that‘s what you‘re worried about.“ He shrugged, a slightly teasing smile curling his lips. „So if you want, I can walk you to the infirmary - acquaintance-style - and you could tell me some more about what part of my character traits you hold synonymous to stupidity?“ He grinned, hoping that some light banter would ease Jack’s tension, as he carefully extinguished the flame that was already threateningly close to Ruka‘s hand, huffing a weak puff of smoke as it dimmed. „Call it overly emotional, but I‘d feel pretty bad to let you go by yourself after I was the reason you got burned in the first place.“
Ruka didn‘t add it, but he was pretty sure Jack‘s worries were much more about him getting more than just his hand burned.
And maybe he was right too.
After all, Ruka did like to play with fire.
@Jack Burnett
~Hell is other people~ - Jean Paul Sartre
Stamina: 7 ~ Evasion: 10 ~ Strength: 4 ~ Wisdom: 14 ~ Arcane Power: 6 ~ Accuracy: 9
18 Jan 2020, 07:48
A Pyro Performance
@Ruka Tân
"I guess I‘d just rather regret having done something than not having done it. You lose some sense of self-preservation when you don‘t feel like there‘s much left to preserve anymore."
Those words reminded Jack of the conversation he'd had with Gem. About how there was nothing holding you back when you had nothing left to lose. Coming from Ruka, though, the Slytherin found them concerning. Without a sense of self-preservation, what reason did one have to want to live? Without his dad, was there no one left to bind him to this world? To make him want to stay?
Hazel eyes watched that brilliant smile falter. Jack didn't like that thought; not one bit.
"Oh, yeah, he got away with nothing but the trauma of almost letting me drown," the Gryffindor said with the kind of laugh that Jack recognized all too well. I haven‘t really talked much to him since detention." Oh yes; scraping owl shit off the floor of the Owlery. What a cherishable last memory to have of someone.
"I haven‘t exactly wanted much company lately."
It seemed that the short and realistic answer to Jack's questions was no. No, there was no one Ruka had like that. And he didn't seem to be looking for anyone of that nature, either.
For the first time, Jack wondered if there existed a perspective in which having a positive relationship with someone could be life-saving instead of life-threatening. If there was...could he possibly test it?
Maybe, but Ruka seemed to see through his facades all too easily and it frightened Jack. It was almost like he knew just what to say or do to make it easier for the Slytherin to like him. Was it really because it took one to know one? They both said and acted like they wanted to be alone in the world...but did they really? If they were both doomed from the start and resigned to being lonely, what was the harm in being lonely together?
If it doesn't work out, I can always get him to hate me in an instant, he tried to tell himself, but the pain of having to make Gem turn on him was still fresh on his mind. He wasn't eager to do it again anytime soon.
"Hey Burn-it," spoke a voice that had already made him fond of hearing it despite the ridiculous nickname. "I‘m not looking to make friends right now if that‘s what you‘re worried about."
Fuck, how did he know? How could he possibly know? Could he have been one of those people Jack had read about; the ones who read minds? A - a - what was it?
"So if you want, I can walk you to the infirmary - acquaintance-style - and you could tell me some more about what part of my character traits you hold synonymous to stupidity?"
An excuse. He was giving Jack an excuse as if he knew that was exactly what the redhead had been looking for.
"Call it overly emotional, but I‘d feel pretty bad to let you go by yourself after I was the reason you got burned in the first place."
"Legilimens!" he cried, finally recalling the term as he pointed accusingly at Ruka. "You're a Legilimens, aren't you?! Well, guess what? I'm not falling for your silly tricks! You said you haven't wanted company lately, so what would you take a break from your distraction for?"
His eyes narrowed at the other boy, daring him to repeat the excuse that he 'felt bad'. Especially when Jack was fairly sure both he and Ruka knew he hadn't exactly grabbed the flaming end of the stick by accident.
"I guess I‘d just rather regret having done something than not having done it. You lose some sense of self-preservation when you don‘t feel like there‘s much left to preserve anymore."
Those words reminded Jack of the conversation he'd had with Gem. About how there was nothing holding you back when you had nothing left to lose. Coming from Ruka, though, the Slytherin found them concerning. Without a sense of self-preservation, what reason did one have to want to live? Without his dad, was there no one left to bind him to this world? To make him want to stay?
Hazel eyes watched that brilliant smile falter. Jack didn't like that thought; not one bit.
"Oh, yeah, he got away with nothing but the trauma of almost letting me drown," the Gryffindor said with the kind of laugh that Jack recognized all too well. I haven‘t really talked much to him since detention." Oh yes; scraping owl shit off the floor of the Owlery. What a cherishable last memory to have of someone.
"I haven‘t exactly wanted much company lately."
It seemed that the short and realistic answer to Jack's questions was no. No, there was no one Ruka had like that. And he didn't seem to be looking for anyone of that nature, either.
For the first time, Jack wondered if there existed a perspective in which having a positive relationship with someone could be life-saving instead of life-threatening. If there was...could he possibly test it?
Maybe, but Ruka seemed to see through his facades all too easily and it frightened Jack. It was almost like he knew just what to say or do to make it easier for the Slytherin to like him. Was it really because it took one to know one? They both said and acted like they wanted to be alone in the world...but did they really? If they were both doomed from the start and resigned to being lonely, what was the harm in being lonely together?
If it doesn't work out, I can always get him to hate me in an instant, he tried to tell himself, but the pain of having to make Gem turn on him was still fresh on his mind. He wasn't eager to do it again anytime soon.
"Hey Burn-it," spoke a voice that had already made him fond of hearing it despite the ridiculous nickname. "I‘m not looking to make friends right now if that‘s what you‘re worried about."
Fuck, how did he know? How could he possibly know? Could he have been one of those people Jack had read about; the ones who read minds? A - a - what was it?
"So if you want, I can walk you to the infirmary - acquaintance-style - and you could tell me some more about what part of my character traits you hold synonymous to stupidity?"
An excuse. He was giving Jack an excuse as if he knew that was exactly what the redhead had been looking for.
"Call it overly emotional, but I‘d feel pretty bad to let you go by yourself after I was the reason you got burned in the first place."
"Legilimens!" he cried, finally recalling the term as he pointed accusingly at Ruka. "You're a Legilimens, aren't you?! Well, guess what? I'm not falling for your silly tricks! You said you haven't wanted company lately, so what would you take a break from your distraction for?"
His eyes narrowed at the other boy, daring him to repeat the excuse that he 'felt bad'. Especially when Jack was fairly sure both he and Ruka knew he hadn't exactly grabbed the flaming end of the stick by accident.
PC: Jack Burnett | iNPC: Ginyami Midorimori
18 Jan 2020, 08:49
A Pyro Performance
Ruka had always been pretty good at observing people. He‘d been doing it since he was a small boy, tiptoeing around a small crowd, figuring out which person to flash a smile to get a big tip out of them.
No matter how bad he seemed to be at making friends, he prided himself on knowing people.
It was very rare that he encountered someone who was actually a closed book to him, but it was equally rare for someone to actually notice that he was good at reading people.
Jack, however, seemed to be onto him. He could tell with every passing glance, every flicker in his hazel eyes. It was just difficult to know whether the flicker was distrust towards Ruka or a flicker of the past that seems to have damaged the boy so.
Ruka decided to use some of the silence between them to pack up his things, giving Jack time to make up his mind about whether he wanted them to walk to the infirmary together or not.
It took a while until the other boy‘s face seemed to flood with a panic Ruka definitely didn‘t mean to put there. „Legilimens“ he had called him and this time Ruka was immensely glad to have raided the library upon his first arrival at Hogwarts.
A mind reader.
Jack thought he was able to read minds. Had he been able to make such a connection to the boy that he thought he was able to read minds so he could adjust his personality to Jack‘s liking? Were they that similar?
From what Ruka could tell they definitely both tried to shy away from meaningful connections but was it really Ruka‘s fault that they just seemed to have one?
It wasn’t like Ruka had actively tried to make Jack like him. If anything he had been completely himself for the first time in forever. There was just something about Jack that made him feel like he didn‘t need to be anybody else.
Like being himself was more than enough.
Maybe he should have gone a different approach after all because now Jack was freaking out and Ruka really wasn‘t sure what to do about it.
Deciding that there was no point in both of them panicking, he tried his best to remain calm, not to laugh at the completely wrong accusation thrown at him so he wouldn‘t make the other boy feel undermined and disregarded.
„Jack,“ he said firmly, not with any emotion, nothing that could trigger even more panic in the Slytherin. „Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re more obvious than you think? I really don‘t need to be a mind reader to see that you‘ve built the Chinese Wall up around you.“ He grinned, taking a small step towards the other boy. „And I‘m fine with that. I don‘t need you to take that wall down for me. It takes one to know one, right? I just thought it would be nice to stack up our bricks in company. First company I‘ve actually enjoyed in months. That‘s why I‘d like to go to the infirmary with you. If you‘ll let me.“ He finished his monologue with a sad little smile. Not for Jack, but for himself. For actually feeling so lost in the world right now that he felt like he shouldn‘t let the first person he‘d actually been feeling comfortable with in ages just run out of the room never to be seen again.
Selfish, maybe, but he had never claimed to be the selfless type. Growing up on the streets groomed you for survival, no matter how little you felt you had to live for.
„I‘m not... a Legilimens,“ he assured the other boy again, tapping at his temple as if to prove there was nothing special about his mind. „I just know what it‘s like to be alone.“
@Jack Burnett
No matter how bad he seemed to be at making friends, he prided himself on knowing people.
It was very rare that he encountered someone who was actually a closed book to him, but it was equally rare for someone to actually notice that he was good at reading people.
Jack, however, seemed to be onto him. He could tell with every passing glance, every flicker in his hazel eyes. It was just difficult to know whether the flicker was distrust towards Ruka or a flicker of the past that seems to have damaged the boy so.
Ruka decided to use some of the silence between them to pack up his things, giving Jack time to make up his mind about whether he wanted them to walk to the infirmary together or not.
It took a while until the other boy‘s face seemed to flood with a panic Ruka definitely didn‘t mean to put there. „Legilimens“ he had called him and this time Ruka was immensely glad to have raided the library upon his first arrival at Hogwarts.
A mind reader.
Jack thought he was able to read minds. Had he been able to make such a connection to the boy that he thought he was able to read minds so he could adjust his personality to Jack‘s liking? Were they that similar?
From what Ruka could tell they definitely both tried to shy away from meaningful connections but was it really Ruka‘s fault that they just seemed to have one?
It wasn’t like Ruka had actively tried to make Jack like him. If anything he had been completely himself for the first time in forever. There was just something about Jack that made him feel like he didn‘t need to be anybody else.
Like being himself was more than enough.
Maybe he should have gone a different approach after all because now Jack was freaking out and Ruka really wasn‘t sure what to do about it.
Deciding that there was no point in both of them panicking, he tried his best to remain calm, not to laugh at the completely wrong accusation thrown at him so he wouldn‘t make the other boy feel undermined and disregarded.
„Jack,“ he said firmly, not with any emotion, nothing that could trigger even more panic in the Slytherin. „Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re more obvious than you think? I really don‘t need to be a mind reader to see that you‘ve built the Chinese Wall up around you.“ He grinned, taking a small step towards the other boy. „And I‘m fine with that. I don‘t need you to take that wall down for me. It takes one to know one, right? I just thought it would be nice to stack up our bricks in company. First company I‘ve actually enjoyed in months. That‘s why I‘d like to go to the infirmary with you. If you‘ll let me.“ He finished his monologue with a sad little smile. Not for Jack, but for himself. For actually feeling so lost in the world right now that he felt like he shouldn‘t let the first person he‘d actually been feeling comfortable with in ages just run out of the room never to be seen again.
Selfish, maybe, but he had never claimed to be the selfless type. Growing up on the streets groomed you for survival, no matter how little you felt you had to live for.
„I‘m not... a Legilimens,“ he assured the other boy again, tapping at his temple as if to prove there was nothing special about his mind. „I just know what it‘s like to be alone.“
@Jack Burnett
~Hell is other people~ - Jean Paul Sartre
Stamina: 7 ~ Evasion: 10 ~ Strength: 4 ~ Wisdom: 14 ~ Arcane Power: 6 ~ Accuracy: 9
18 Jan 2020, 22:51
A Pyro Performance
@Ruka Tân
Jack knew a few people, including his dormmate Selim, who were pretty skilled at observation. The difference between them and Ruka was that Ruka was able to combine his observations with his unique way of thinking to come to conclusions others wouldn't have. Making observations about people wasn't the same as knowing how they worked, after all.
In fact, Jack was so unused to anyone being able to follow his own way of thinking that he had simply assumed he could outsmart anyone else. This assumption was so thrown off by Ruka's skill in reading him that the Slytherin believed the only logical conclusion was that Ruka could directly read his mind.
If Ruka had laughed at him, Jack might have actually been more at ease. Not only would it have given him a reason to be angry at the other boy, but he could tell himself that there was no point in trying to reason with someone who thought little enough of him to laugh at him. But yet again, the Gryffindor threw him for a loop.
"Jack," the fire-player said, careful to keep his tone neutral. However, the sudden and intimate use of his first name, which Ruka had yet to speak up until then, caused the Slytherin to bristle like a wild animal being approached by a human. There was nothing like kindness to make him pull out all the stops with the defensive fortress around his heart. Somehow, though, Ruka seemed to have anticipated that, too. "Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re more obvious than you think? I really don‘t need to be a mind reader to see that you‘ve built the Chinese Wall up around you."
That made him pause to ponder. Was Ruka right? Was he really more transparent than he thought? No, he couldn't have been. Selim, who tried so hard to poke and prod at him since they'd first met, hadn't figured him out yet. But was that just because Selim didn't understand people like Ruka did?
Rafa hadn't seemed to even want to try to understand Jack at first, but even that Quidditch jock evidently figured the Slytherin out if he had threatened to kill him with kindness. And Opeila...she had known a lot of his thoughts because she had similar fears. But despite the efforts and progress of those three, despite the fact that they had gotten the closest to figuring out Jack's mindset, none had outright called him out on it. Not like Ruka was doing now, as if it were the easiest thing in the world to see. And not in as short a time as Ruka had.
"And I‘m fine with that. I don‘t need you to take that wall down for me. It takes one to know one, right?"
The Gryffindor was grinning again for reasons Jack couldn't understand. His own features were pinched in distress and fear, but he couldn't bring himself to move even as Ruka took a step closer.
"I just thought it would be nice to stack up our bricks in company. First company I‘ve actually enjoyed in months. That‘s why I‘d like to go to the infirmary with you. If you‘ll let me."
The sad smile following that sentence caused Jack to get weak in the knees again. What was it with people knowing how to hit him where it hurt these days? Then again, if Ruka really was a Legilimens, which he hadn't yet denied, that would have explained a lot. Still...could even a Legilimens make someone care or be concerned for another against their will? He wasn't sure.
That's like what I had thought before, Jack realized. I'd wondered if we could be lonely together. And Tân called it stacking bricks in company, but isn't that the same thing? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to be distracted or swayed by Ruka's face or the emotions that it caused to bubble up in him.
Okay, okay, think about this rationally, Jack. Tân...needs someone to ground him and make sure he doesn't do anything too stupid. Especially now that he doesn't seem to have his dad around or any friends to keep him out of trouble like he's got into before, the Slytherin tried to reason. I, on the other hand, need someone who knows my boundaries with getting close to people, but maybe doesn't hate me so much that he tries to punch my lights out or threaten to end me.
Selim was a contractual partner of his, but Jack didn't trust him to know his stance on friendship or bonds, nor did he want to try to explain it. His calculating dormmate would have likely used the knowledge to his advantage against Jack if he could have. Ruka, though...Ruka already seemed to have him figured out and yet hadn't shown any signs of trying to use his weaknesses against him. If anything, he seemed to be trying to accommodate him.
This didn't worry Jack as much as it might have because the reason Ruka gave was about how the situation benefitted him, something Jack trusted. He preferred people to be selfish because then they could trust each other to be every man for themselves and not have to worry about what motivations they might have had. Besides, Jack detested selfless people. Being selfish was just human nature and to be otherwise would go against that nature.
Unlike most people, according to Jack, Ruka seemed to understand survival. He just needed to remember why he actually had to survive. If Jack could give him one by being a fellow rival survivor and they could be mutually beneficial to each other in that way, encouraging one another, why not try it? Neither of them was looking to make friends but both of them enjoyed the company, so there didn't seem to be a problem.
"I‘m not... a Legilimens," the Gryffindor finally said, tapping his temple for emphasis. The fact that he hadn't led with that denial made Jack guess Ruka hadn't considered it as important as the other things he'd had to say. And the low priority it seemed to have on the other boy's mind was exactly what made the Slytherin believe him in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. "I just know what it‘s like to be alone."
Jack opened his eyes again and huffed in defeat, his shoulders deflated. "You make one tough argument," he grumbled, unable to hide the partial grin that had begun to creep across his face. "I guess I don't have any points left to oppose you with since you've so methodically torn them down one by one." The redhead turned toward the Rehearsal Room door, slinging his robes and tie over the back of his shoulder as he clutched them in his fist.
"You've really got to get your brain checked, though. What kind of person wants to go to the infirmary just to spend time with someone? Especially when you get burned all the time and just ignore it to avoid going?"
Jack knew a few people, including his dormmate Selim, who were pretty skilled at observation. The difference between them and Ruka was that Ruka was able to combine his observations with his unique way of thinking to come to conclusions others wouldn't have. Making observations about people wasn't the same as knowing how they worked, after all.
In fact, Jack was so unused to anyone being able to follow his own way of thinking that he had simply assumed he could outsmart anyone else. This assumption was so thrown off by Ruka's skill in reading him that the Slytherin believed the only logical conclusion was that Ruka could directly read his mind.
If Ruka had laughed at him, Jack might have actually been more at ease. Not only would it have given him a reason to be angry at the other boy, but he could tell himself that there was no point in trying to reason with someone who thought little enough of him to laugh at him. But yet again, the Gryffindor threw him for a loop.
"Jack," the fire-player said, careful to keep his tone neutral. However, the sudden and intimate use of his first name, which Ruka had yet to speak up until then, caused the Slytherin to bristle like a wild animal being approached by a human. There was nothing like kindness to make him pull out all the stops with the defensive fortress around his heart. Somehow, though, Ruka seemed to have anticipated that, too. "Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re more obvious than you think? I really don‘t need to be a mind reader to see that you‘ve built the Chinese Wall up around you."
That made him pause to ponder. Was Ruka right? Was he really more transparent than he thought? No, he couldn't have been. Selim, who tried so hard to poke and prod at him since they'd first met, hadn't figured him out yet. But was that just because Selim didn't understand people like Ruka did?
Rafa hadn't seemed to even want to try to understand Jack at first, but even that Quidditch jock evidently figured the Slytherin out if he had threatened to kill him with kindness. And Opeila...she had known a lot of his thoughts because she had similar fears. But despite the efforts and progress of those three, despite the fact that they had gotten the closest to figuring out Jack's mindset, none had outright called him out on it. Not like Ruka was doing now, as if it were the easiest thing in the world to see. And not in as short a time as Ruka had.
"And I‘m fine with that. I don‘t need you to take that wall down for me. It takes one to know one, right?"
The Gryffindor was grinning again for reasons Jack couldn't understand. His own features were pinched in distress and fear, but he couldn't bring himself to move even as Ruka took a step closer.
"I just thought it would be nice to stack up our bricks in company. First company I‘ve actually enjoyed in months. That‘s why I‘d like to go to the infirmary with you. If you‘ll let me."
The sad smile following that sentence caused Jack to get weak in the knees again. What was it with people knowing how to hit him where it hurt these days? Then again, if Ruka really was a Legilimens, which he hadn't yet denied, that would have explained a lot. Still...could even a Legilimens make someone care or be concerned for another against their will? He wasn't sure.
That's like what I had thought before, Jack realized. I'd wondered if we could be lonely together. And Tân called it stacking bricks in company, but isn't that the same thing? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to be distracted or swayed by Ruka's face or the emotions that it caused to bubble up in him.
Okay, okay, think about this rationally, Jack. Tân...needs someone to ground him and make sure he doesn't do anything too stupid. Especially now that he doesn't seem to have his dad around or any friends to keep him out of trouble like he's got into before, the Slytherin tried to reason. I, on the other hand, need someone who knows my boundaries with getting close to people, but maybe doesn't hate me so much that he tries to punch my lights out or threaten to end me.
Selim was a contractual partner of his, but Jack didn't trust him to know his stance on friendship or bonds, nor did he want to try to explain it. His calculating dormmate would have likely used the knowledge to his advantage against Jack if he could have. Ruka, though...Ruka already seemed to have him figured out and yet hadn't shown any signs of trying to use his weaknesses against him. If anything, he seemed to be trying to accommodate him.
This didn't worry Jack as much as it might have because the reason Ruka gave was about how the situation benefitted him, something Jack trusted. He preferred people to be selfish because then they could trust each other to be every man for themselves and not have to worry about what motivations they might have had. Besides, Jack detested selfless people. Being selfish was just human nature and to be otherwise would go against that nature.
Unlike most people, according to Jack, Ruka seemed to understand survival. He just needed to remember why he actually had to survive. If Jack could give him one by being a fellow rival survivor and they could be mutually beneficial to each other in that way, encouraging one another, why not try it? Neither of them was looking to make friends but both of them enjoyed the company, so there didn't seem to be a problem.
"I‘m not... a Legilimens," the Gryffindor finally said, tapping his temple for emphasis. The fact that he hadn't led with that denial made Jack guess Ruka hadn't considered it as important as the other things he'd had to say. And the low priority it seemed to have on the other boy's mind was exactly what made the Slytherin believe him in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. "I just know what it‘s like to be alone."
Jack opened his eyes again and huffed in defeat, his shoulders deflated. "You make one tough argument," he grumbled, unable to hide the partial grin that had begun to creep across his face. "I guess I don't have any points left to oppose you with since you've so methodically torn them down one by one." The redhead turned toward the Rehearsal Room door, slinging his robes and tie over the back of his shoulder as he clutched them in his fist.
"You've really got to get your brain checked, though. What kind of person wants to go to the infirmary just to spend time with someone? Especially when you get burned all the time and just ignore it to avoid going?"
PC: Jack Burnett | iNPC: Ginyami Midorimori
19 Jan 2020, 07:21
A Pyro Performance
@Jack Burnett
Ruka could tell that hearing his first name said out loud for the first time since he introduced himself made Jack try to crawl back into his shell, and that was to be expected in a way.
If the Slytherin boy wasn‘t comfortable with people getting close to him, then of course he also wouldn‘t be comfortable being on a first name basis with anybody either. It wasn‘t as if Ruka hadn‘t noticed Jack calling him ‚Tân‘ whenever he was addressing him purposely. He just hadn‘t wanted to say anything about it; in the end Ruka really didn‘t care that much if Jack used his first or last name, and if a bit of emotional distance made him feel better than who was Ruka to deny him that?
Still, using Jack‘s name was methodical, maybe a bit calculating. He had wanted to get the Slytherin‘s attention, and even though Jack was clearly recoiling, at least he had snapped out of his rant about Ruka being able to read minds.
He would call that a win.
Jack didn‘t exactly answer him straight away, but he did seem to stop and think about what Ruka was saying, which just confirmed his idea of this boy being so closed off from the rest of the world, so foreign with its concepts of social interaction, that he had genuinely thought he was able to fool Ruka with his cold exterior.
In a way, Ruka thought, Jack had actually given him all the clues the Gryffindor needed himself; he‘d talked about how he jumped after that girl in the lake which meant he had a conscience and a moral set, and he‘d talked about finding it easier to make people hate him than make them like him, which probably meant that friendship had scarred him before and he was trying to avoid getting burned again.
Which irony, that he‘d stumbled exactly across Ruka, who knew enough about Burns to fill books with it, in his times of distress.
From all Ruka could tell, Jack liked to pretend not to be a good person to make sure other people wouldn‘t get too close.
„But I‘m onto you, Jack Burnett,“ he thought, watching as the other boy‘s face scrunched up and twisted in distress. „You‘re not gonna fool me.“
Ruka took it as a good sign that Jack didn‘t move back or start running for the hills when he took a step closer, and he decided to reward that by focusing on a blister on one of his fingers for a moment so Jack wouldn‘t feel observed and scrutinised.
Only when the other boy finally spoke up again did Ruka return his full attention to him, a little smile twitching at the corners of his mouth at Jack‘s words.
As far as Ruka could tell, Jack was just a scared boy with a troubled history of social connections, and who was he to judge that? After all, wasn‘t he himself just a reckless boy with a troubled history of loss?
Maybe what both of them, both these troubled boys, really needed was someone who didn‘t just try to help, but someone who really understood.
Someone like each other.
Ruka shrugged his shoulders a bit as he gathered up all his belongings, taking Jack‘s words as an invite to join him. „What better place to get my brain checked than the infirmary, right?“ he pointed out with a grin, walking up to Jack to slightly bump shoulders with him in what he hoped was a teasing gesture, nothing Jack would misunderstand as friendliness. „And it‘s not like I don‘t go because I don‘t like the infirmary,“ he pointed out, casting a last glance around the room to make sure he wasn‘t forgetting anything.
His shoes.
He quickly jogged back to where he had left them and picked them up, opting to carry them rather than put them on, just like he usually did.
Grinning sheepishly he returned to Jack to finish his thought. „It‘s just that I don’t go because it takes time out of my day for things I actually wanna do. Like getting burnt some more.“ He smiled, thinking about the other boy‘s personality, how it seemed like he wanted to hurt people just enough to keep them away, but not enough to actually cause them lasting distress.
Well you found your match, Ruka thought as he walked past Jack to open the door for them. Because I really don’t mind getting burned.
Ruka could tell that hearing his first name said out loud for the first time since he introduced himself made Jack try to crawl back into his shell, and that was to be expected in a way.
If the Slytherin boy wasn‘t comfortable with people getting close to him, then of course he also wouldn‘t be comfortable being on a first name basis with anybody either. It wasn‘t as if Ruka hadn‘t noticed Jack calling him ‚Tân‘ whenever he was addressing him purposely. He just hadn‘t wanted to say anything about it; in the end Ruka really didn‘t care that much if Jack used his first or last name, and if a bit of emotional distance made him feel better than who was Ruka to deny him that?
Still, using Jack‘s name was methodical, maybe a bit calculating. He had wanted to get the Slytherin‘s attention, and even though Jack was clearly recoiling, at least he had snapped out of his rant about Ruka being able to read minds.
He would call that a win.
Jack didn‘t exactly answer him straight away, but he did seem to stop and think about what Ruka was saying, which just confirmed his idea of this boy being so closed off from the rest of the world, so foreign with its concepts of social interaction, that he had genuinely thought he was able to fool Ruka with his cold exterior.
In a way, Ruka thought, Jack had actually given him all the clues the Gryffindor needed himself; he‘d talked about how he jumped after that girl in the lake which meant he had a conscience and a moral set, and he‘d talked about finding it easier to make people hate him than make them like him, which probably meant that friendship had scarred him before and he was trying to avoid getting burned again.
Which irony, that he‘d stumbled exactly across Ruka, who knew enough about Burns to fill books with it, in his times of distress.
From all Ruka could tell, Jack liked to pretend not to be a good person to make sure other people wouldn‘t get too close.
„But I‘m onto you, Jack Burnett,“ he thought, watching as the other boy‘s face scrunched up and twisted in distress. „You‘re not gonna fool me.“
Ruka took it as a good sign that Jack didn‘t move back or start running for the hills when he took a step closer, and he decided to reward that by focusing on a blister on one of his fingers for a moment so Jack wouldn‘t feel observed and scrutinised.
Only when the other boy finally spoke up again did Ruka return his full attention to him, a little smile twitching at the corners of his mouth at Jack‘s words.
As far as Ruka could tell, Jack was just a scared boy with a troubled history of social connections, and who was he to judge that? After all, wasn‘t he himself just a reckless boy with a troubled history of loss?
Maybe what both of them, both these troubled boys, really needed was someone who didn‘t just try to help, but someone who really understood.
Someone like each other.
Ruka shrugged his shoulders a bit as he gathered up all his belongings, taking Jack‘s words as an invite to join him. „What better place to get my brain checked than the infirmary, right?“ he pointed out with a grin, walking up to Jack to slightly bump shoulders with him in what he hoped was a teasing gesture, nothing Jack would misunderstand as friendliness. „And it‘s not like I don‘t go because I don‘t like the infirmary,“ he pointed out, casting a last glance around the room to make sure he wasn‘t forgetting anything.
His shoes.
He quickly jogged back to where he had left them and picked them up, opting to carry them rather than put them on, just like he usually did.
Grinning sheepishly he returned to Jack to finish his thought. „It‘s just that I don’t go because it takes time out of my day for things I actually wanna do. Like getting burnt some more.“ He smiled, thinking about the other boy‘s personality, how it seemed like he wanted to hurt people just enough to keep them away, but not enough to actually cause them lasting distress.
Well you found your match, Ruka thought as he walked past Jack to open the door for them. Because I really don’t mind getting burned.
~Hell is other people~ - Jean Paul Sartre
Stamina: 7 ~ Evasion: 10 ~ Strength: 4 ~ Wisdom: 14 ~ Arcane Power: 6 ~ Accuracy: 9