Reopened A Peek Under the Veil of Denial E. Lee-Hunt PV

6/10/12
Right after the fall ball 2023

A mistake. The words blared in his head so loud that he looked to the floor, as it physically hurt him. Instinctively he crossed his arms and let out a light laugh, even if it was a bit dry. It was difficult to ensure he didn’t look more pathetic than he did already. Even more so to tell himself not to comprehend Eun-ji’s words as a judgement towards him. Criticism really. Maybe it’s not that she doesn’t know. It’s that she knows I can’t do anything. Just like that Hanako regrets ever saying anything. He had to stop himself from yapping more, because he knew in his bones that whatever wanted to come out was not …kind.

It was so funny. Hanako used to criticise anyone that lashed out and blatantly displayed their frustration. Yet, at this moment the temptation was almost too good to resist. Knowing that being loud was better than whatever he was feeling right now. Helpless.. useless.. Still, he bit the inside of his cheek harshly, managing to snap himself out of his defensive posture. Trying not to look like a cornered animal.

What was going on? She hasn’t even said anything all that drastic and yet they’re leaving invisible imprints on him as if she sucker punched his gut. That felt even more pathetic, considering that if anyone was having a tough time, it was her. After what she went through earlier. And here he was feeling bad because she didn’t know how he could help her? He let out a sigh, his hands returning to his sides, he returned his gaze towards her again.

In times of crisis, Hanako had 2 rules to survive this. 1) Don’t make it worse, say less. 2) Don’t be here. Not fully, at least. So when Eun-ji could see his face again, he was a much more familiar face, though looking a little tired. There was a casual smile that didn’t really reach his eyes. “ Well, you know where to find me if you figure out what that is”, he takes a step back, his tone light. Almost too much so. Like he measured it specifically to be that way.

“ Long day it’s been, hasn’t it? I reckon the only thing I should really do is stop bothering you and let you get a goodnight sleep” he shrugged. Trying to glance anywhere but her but he failed. Unable to stop his features from softening when he looked at her eyes again. Being reminded they were both uncomfortable as it is. “ … I don’t know.. What you should have to make you feel better either..” he spoke, his voice almost whispering, as if he was leaving it up to fate if Eun-ji heard it or not. “ But it’s not me.” he said a little louder this time, though his feet were already taking another step back. “It’s a bed, some warm blankets, and maybe that .. creature you call a pet to keep you company”. He tried to give her a grin but ended up as a pathetic weak one. “ Goodnight…Precious” If he wasn’t stopped, he would give a brief wave before turning his back towards her.

@Eun-Ji Lee Hunt

Blue in English, Red in Korean

What? Her mind blanked out for a second. Something was happening, something she should understand but Eun-ji's thoughts were as sluggish and numbed like the ice-cold lake she just left behind. She thought she was incapable of giving Hana a proper answer yet it looked like he heard her loud and clear and didn’t like what she said. So she said something wrong. She must have. She could tell by the way he stiffened, the way he started to pull back as if he was stacking bricks between them, hiding behind a perfect fake smile like she often did. How did she manage to mess up despite barely saying anything? Maybe it hadn’t been enough. Or maybe it had been too much. Focus, Lee Eun-ji! She gritted her teeth, trying to force clarity into her mind without much success. Her thoughts slipped out her brain like water through her fingers.

Seeing Hana take a step back pained her more than she cared to admit. The space between them felt bigger than it should for no good reason. “You are not bothering me…” The words slipped out before she could stop herself. Ridiculous. Exhaustion clearly overruled all her logic. She’d called him annoying a hundred times, with that teasing little smile she wore like armour. And yet now, when he looked like he might actually believe it, she felt like she had to fight him on it. Maybe she had meant it sometimes, back when she wanted to keep him at arm’s length. But not tonight. Tomorrow she might pretend that thought never even occurred to her, but right now she simply couldn’t. No matter how much she hated to admit it, the Ravenclaw was sad to see Hana run away back at the lake and despite how miserable she must have looked, she was glad to have met him here afterwards. Besides, shouldn’t he of all people know that if he truly bothered her, she would have no claims telling him and leaving? He must have…that is, unless he was an overthinker like her, which she long suspected he might be.

At least when Hana finally met her eyes again, his features softened somewhat. She was not surprised to hear he didn’t know how to help her either. After all, how could he if she herself didn’t have a solution? “But it’s not me.” Part of her wanted to oppose that statement as well but the witch managed to stop herself this time. Why was her first instinct telling her to claim otherwise? Had she really officially lost it? Logically speaking, he was right. Hana already dried her dress and hair, without her even asking. What more could he have done? She shouldn't be greedy, it could become habit. One Eun-ji could not afford.“You already helped. A lot.” She said instead, voice soft and dripping with sincerity. He was the reason she no longer felt like a walking icicle. She was calmer now too. “But you are right. A warm bed and a purring pillow sound like a nice plan.”

It was indeed a good plan and yet when the Slytherin took another step back, she felt compelled to stop him. Without thinking, her fingers shot out and caught the very edge of his sleeve. Stay. She didn’t say it but it echoed through her mind all the same. A thought that positively mortified her. The hell? Clearly, she was even more exhausted than she originally thought. A panic seized her, and she let go—faster than she’d grabbed on. Like maybe if she moved fast enough, Hana wouldn’t notice she did it in the first place. Quickly letting her hand fall back down, she scrambled to pretend like there was no big meaning behind her action. “Sorry…I just…thank you again…and good night to you too.” Eun-ji breathed out, hating how weak and clumsy she sounded. Hopefully, he’d blame it all on the ever-growing fatigue. God knows she will!

6/10/12

Right after the fall ball 2023

Like the cold nip the surface of his skin all over his body, he froze. The assurance that he wasn't making people uncomfortable wasn't common. So it wasn't a surprise to know he had nothing to say to it. His heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest. The only problem is he looked briefly pained, like it wasn't the right thing to say. He attempted to cover his reaction fast and only hoped that she had the mercy of not mentioning it. Fear or …something else. He didn't want to be sure. At least not in front of Eun-Ji right now. He could hardly trust himself, how on earth could he trust his body too?

It would've been better if she told him he was being being a bother. At least, he could reply with a jest of his own. As their usual dynamic usually ensued. Right now, really the only good thing Hanako felt he could do was ensure they don't see eachother at the moment. Before they both say anything else that may shatter the one good and safe relationship they had.

Alas, things had a habit of never going his way.

Just as he was about to call is a day, and pat himself on the back, Eun-ji did the mistake of bringing his attention back. As she seems to effortlessly be able to do with the smallest things.

He wished he was dumb enough not to notice, really. And at the same time he wished he was clever enough to ignore her. And maybe she should've too. Instead, she apologised - even acknowledging that she did indeed, did something. Not being merciful enough to either of them.

So why should Hana?

With his expression unusually unreadable, he stepped closer again. As fast as she let go, he took her wrist again until they were a step away from being too close for comfort. He hadn't looked away from her while he did what he did. As if looking for something. A certain expression. He brought his wrist to near his face, angling it gently so his lips could briefly but gently meet the base of her pulse. Where he was close enough to be able to sense the faint smell of lavender that surprisingly, hadn't been washed away by the Great Lake.

@Eun-Ji Lee Hunt

Blue in English, Red in Korean

What? The whole affair could have been done and over it if her own damn body hadn’t betrayed her the very last second. She was immediately inwardly cursing herself for it, even more so, when Hana did not in fact let her rash movement slip by unnoticed. Perhaps because it was so unlike of her to do such thing. Clinging onto someone…that was not her. If anything, the Slytherin was supposed to be the clingy one. Unfortunately, if she were hoping he’d gentlemanly overlook her misstep, she’d was in for a huge disappointment. Then again, the roguish boy could hardly be called a proper gentleman, which, annoyingly, was precisely why he intrigued her so much. Not a sentiment she'd ever admit aloud. No need to fluff his feathers even more than they already were.

So yes, here they were. With Hana not ignoring Eun-ji’s move and instead repaying her in kind. It was the kind of scene, people would come to expect from the one and only Hanako Tone...except…not really. It’s not like he was shy with his flirting and kisses, the witch knew that much, but the charged atmosphere and the strange gentleness of the gesture seemed very unlike him. For once, Eun-ji was caught of guard and it probably showed on her face. She blinked, feeling her own pulse spike under his lips. Why there of all places? Now he could feel it too. If the ground could swallow her whole right then, she would be very much grateful for it. Of all people, the Ravenclaw didn’t need Hana gloating that he managed to make her heart race. She didn’t even know why it did! He was not supposed to have that kind of power over her. It was all kinds of wrong and the she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

Once the initial panic settled however, Eun-ji realized that her scattered and dreary thoughts cleared up, narrowing their focus singlehandedly on the young man holding her wrist. Truth be told, it was a relief. The dark threads of her insecurities and self-doubt no longer felt so binding. When was the last time someone treated her with such affection? It was almost as if she had forgotten how comforting it could be. Even if it most likely didn’t mean much to the charming snake, she was grateful. Still, it felt dangerous. Like they were dancing around a forbidden territory. For the second time that night, Eun-ji felt herself balancing at the edge of a deep lake. Funnily enough, this time, even though there were no Grindylows lurking underneath, she didn’t have the courage to dive in. As if there were far more terrifying things hidden down below, something that could also pull her under and never let go. Cautious as she was, the witch decided to steer them back to the safety of the shore. The one they were both familiar with.

“You are feeling a bit stingy tonight, aren’t you?” she teased though her voice was soft and her smile sincere. It didn’t feel right to go full snark at him right now. Even if she was beyond embarrassed, she wanted, or dare she say, needed some of that unspoken gratitude to reach him. Of course, Eun-ji was alluding to the fact that she had the guts to give him an actual kiss, when he needed comforting before his doomed duelling match. Not that she wanted to be kissed now because…why would she? That back then was just a momentary lapse of judgement. A much needed encouragement at best. Although she did not seem to regret it in the slightest despite the fact that it was her first kiss. It just somehow felt right. Why? The Ravenclaw was definitely not going to dissect that one. The same way she wasn’t going to think too much about why she thought of that particular scene right now. Again, too dangerous…“We are both tired though so I'll let you off the hook.”