It was rarely quiet in the Duncain house. Slightly more often, now, that, instead of four, there were only three kids in the house, who were all teenagers, but whenever Theo was home, especially the two twins couldn't help their excitement.
Before Ilvermorny, hell, before they even knew of magic, the siblings had been inseparable. Elias and Steven always seemed to share a brain- or braincell?- and Anabelle and Theo also used to be very close. With full time working parents, the four of them had become a team, and Theo, as the eldest, used to be the head of that team.
When Theo left at 11 to study magic, he was scared. Not so much of what awaited him, but of what he would be leaving behind. There was a shift of dynamic. Where the twins were each others' counterparts, he had been Ana's. And without him... Ana was more and more alone. At first, there had been tons of letters from both of them and they celebrated every holiday reunion, until...
Until they didn't really. There hadn't been much of a cause. The letters became more rare, until there were nearly none. When Theo came home, the twins were over the moon and Ana seemed happy for a bit, but she had become quiet. She had been polite around the friends he had brought to the annual camping trips, but still kept her distance.
And now... they rarely even talked when he was home.
When Theo returned home this easter, fell victim to three more or less creative pranks by the twins within the first two hours, but barely exchanged five words with Ana, he had enough.
After dinner- where he caught the twins mixing birdfood into his cereal- he went to Ana's room. She had quietly left the table after finishing her food. Theo had not missed the look in his mother's eyes, one he had seen a lot during the last few vacations, and he was done being quiet about it.
Maybe that was what hurt the most. With all the time he was away from home, sometimes it felt like he was more guest than a member of the family. He hadn't been here to witness the changes, his siblings' growth, their struggles and their relationships. And Theo... It seemed like Theo had become somewhat of a stranger to the person who was once his most trusted friend.
Before Ana's door, he paused, unsure how to approach her. Years ago, he would have just opened the door and walked in, maybe stuck out his tongue at her annoyed expression that would eventually be replaced by amusement. But they weren't eight and nine anymore. Not as close as they were then anymore. It just didn't seem appropriate now.
He never heard her steps behind the door, but suddenly it opened. For a moment they just looked at each other. "Sup?" Ana left the door open and walked back into her room, threw herself onto her bed and expectantly looked at him. Upon entering, Theo realized that he hadn't been in this room for a while. Not since she had been 14 at least. Now, at 16, there was quite a bit of a difference. New decorations were hanging on the wall. The furniture was arranged differently. Even a different colour on the walls.
"What are you doing?" Theo ended up asking, entered her room and closed the door behind him. He picked her desk chair to sit, spinning it twice before coming to a halt and looking at her. "Waiting for you to say what you want, so I can continue listening to music." Ana pulled one earbud from her ear. "What are you listening to?" "What do you want, Theo?"
Well, so much for lighthearted smalltalk. His sister was clearly not in the mood for it. "I just... You barely said three words to me since I got here." Ana's face took on a puzzled expression, but Theo noticed an edge to it. "I'm pretty sure I said 'nice to see you' when we picked you up. That makes four."
Theo grabbed a rubber on her desk and threw it at her. "Come on, what happened? We used to talk so much."
Ana laughed, shaking her head. When she looked at him again, her smile vanished. "... You really mean that, huh." Theo blinked, suddenly nervous. There was something in Ana's expression that he couldn't define, but it scared him. "Theo, we haven't properly talked in literal years. I don't know what you want from me right now. Did you need anything?"Theo got up from the chair and walked over to her window. "No. No, I don't, I suppose. Sometimes it just feels like I have become a stranger here."
"Well, you kind of have."
The blunt answer made him stop like he'd run against a wall. Ana's expression was neutral now, alarmingly void of any empathy. That was not how he knew his younger sister. "Ana-" "Am I wrong?"
Theo was unable to answer. He couldn't deny that there was truth in it, after all, he had felt that way first, but it hurt nonetheless.
"Have you ever tried to put yourself in my shoes?" He still didn't answer. Fear tightened like a knot in his stomach as he sat back down on her desk chair. Suddenly he wanted to leave her room, close that door behind him and never revisit the topic, as it was for sure only going to bring him more pain next.
Ana didn't wait for an answer. "At ten years old, you got a letter full of fantastic, unbelievable things. An invitation to a boarding school hours away from here, that would teach you magic."
Slowly he nodded. Yes, he remembered the mix of excitement and dread he had felt. Excitement at the opportunity he was given. Dread about leaving home, staying in a strange place, learning to live in a strange different world. And guilt about leaving Ana behind. "It broke my heart to see you leave, you know. I was so happy for you, for this wonderful opportunity you were given. Magic made your life fuller, I could see it everytime you came home, you were right where you belonged, with your new friends and crush and adventures. All of this was so you."
Theo barely dared to breathe, still torn between letting her speak and hiding. She hadn't spoken openly like this to him for way too long, and the stream of words was not stopping yet. "Here the world kept spinning, just as it was, though. Only the person I trusted most wasn't in it anymore. You know I had a hard time making friends in elementary school, I was terrified of high school. I wasn't when I thought you would be there too. At the beginning we still wrote so many letters, I heard from you nearly every week. Eventually it was only every few months. We don't have an owl here, I could only send letters to you via owls you sent to us first, so as far as we were concerned, you were disappearing for real."
Ana hadn't said anything wild, she hadn't even raised her voice much, yet Theo felt nauseous."There were barely any letters, suddenly you stayed at school over the holidays, spent half the summer vacations on a different continent, hell, you even brought your school friends to our family trips!" Finally there was a crack in her voice, a hint of pain in her words. "We never really had time to ourselves anymore. You had your crush on Greta, your friends Dee, Miles and Phyllis and a whole world full of magic. Do you know how many friends I have, Theo? Do you know their names?"
More guilt. More shame. "Don't worry, that was a trick question. I don't really get along with my class mates.", she dismissed her question with a wave of her hand. "But I used to have you when we were little. A few years ago, I always used to think that it was only the seven years. I would get through that and then things would be better again. It took me a couple of years to realize that I was wrong about that. You are at this school, you have fallen in love with this new world and after graduation, you will find a job in that world. We will never have a place in that world."
"Ana-" "After you were gone, the five of us had to keep going without you and all of us found a way. Mom and dad would probably disagree with me, but you are a guest here. A welcome one, but forgive me if I will not try to rebuild what we used to have, knowing that you will not stay, nor make the effort to even know us at all. I will not let you back in, you cannot put me through losing you again."
At some point during her outburst, Ana had started to cry. And Theo as well. The shame seemed to fill him up, close up his airway and make him mute. "You are right.", he croaked eventually. 'I am sorry' seemed a ridiculously hollow phrase to say now, so he didn't. He remembered how his parents had told him that his siblings would also get a chance to invite their friends to their camping trips if they wanted, that he couldn't invite his if they did. Suddenly he felt stupid for not picking up on the signs.
"I will write more this year.", he said weakly, making Ana scoff. "I know that you probably mean that, but honestly, that won't fix anything. I don't know if you can fix this." Theo had wanted her honesty. He had wanted to know what the damage was, so he could fix it. He hadn't really considered the possibility that she might not want him to.
"I will. You, the twins and I will go together when I get my supplies for next year. When we're there, you can pick an owl for me that I will buy."
His heart went light with relief, when he saw the spark of excitement in her eyes. It had been there only for a split second, but it had. "And who the hell says there is no place for you in my world?" Slowly he felt a bit more confident again. "Some magical people have kids with no magic. Sure, it is quite a bit harder for them, but they exist. You know what, next year you and I will go travelling in summer. Alone. On my broom, with my magical tent."
Ana's words had been full of disdain, clearly meant to push him away and keep him at distance- a distance he himself had created, as he now realized- but he could tell that he was getting through to her. Her eyes were still full of anger and betrayal, but behind the tears he could see just a hint of hope. "I'll believe it when I see it. Can you go now?"
Theo didn't push further, instead he did as she asked.
He would get his little sister back and never let her go again.
