emotional dystrophy private

interacting with @Rafael D'Spacito

It was the urge to tell someone who might understand that was really getting to Gem now. Having a lack of control really pushed stuff over the edge and made it all hard to handle, especially when his thoughts seemed to blow up like too much helium in a balloon. He could've shouted it, with how the itch up his throat was burning. And even then, he felt very shy about it-- and it showed.

"Uh," He sniffed, brushing some hair out of his face, shifting against the wall as if it'd make everything better. "I think I might..." This was so hard, "I think I like boys. I might be a bit of a fruitcake."

For a minute there, it felt good. Good to say something to someone who wasn't pieces of paper and a pen. He didn't know why he was so anxious about admitting that to himself, a lot of people in his family were sort of like that. Leland, his dad's drummer, probably some other people he didn't even know about. He'd never ever had luck in relationships, but now that puberty was making itself known, boys were becoming a bit of a hot topic in his brain.

And then the insecurity hit.
It wasn't every day that Gem spilled one of his most trivial, personal topics to someone he hardly knew. He would think that maybe it was his own method of flirting, getting it out there to Rafa he was interested in the same sex, but that also felt like... he had too much to share. He didn't wanna give him the wrong idea, that Gem was an open book, but...

"Sorry," He sputtered, "Sorry sorry, I'm sorry. I made things weird, didn' I? Jesus," He inhaled, covering his face with his hands in a meager attempt to hide the redness that started to make its way onto his cheeks, all the way up to the tips of his ears. "Pretend that didn' happen. I don't know wot I was thinkin', I joost needed ta tell someone face-to-face, I'm so sorry." He wasn't sure what was worse, the fact he might've just come out to a brand new friend, or the fact he was apologizing so hard.

Working with @Gem Stuart

Gem shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "Uh," he said, "I think I might... I think I like boys. I might be a bit of a fruitcake." He looked relieved for a moment, like maybe a weight had been lifted. The moment was short-lived, though; the shadows seemed to flood back quickly as some kind of realization dawned on him. "Sorry," he said quickly. "Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry. I made things weird, didn' I?” Gem was covering his face now. Rafa’s heart dropped. "Pretend that didn' happen,” he told Rafa. “I don't know wot I was thinkin', I joost needed ta tell someone face-to-face. I'm so sorry."

Rafa chewed on his lip, looking across the bathroom. He does like boys. Well, whaddya know. Half of him was just in shock. The other half watched Gem, who seemed to be shrinking away from him as the moments passed on. “I..” he started, before stopping himself. What was he even going to say? Gem had made a comment about a fruitcake, and though he didn’t really know what it meant, he had a pretty good idea. Wait… is he ashamed or something? He took Gem in for another moment, looking over his perfect features, his red face. How could he ever be embarrassed about this? “What’s wrong with liking boys?” he asked aloud, before he realized what he had actually said.

Stupid! A lot of people keep these kinds of things to themselves. People think homosexuality is weird. Rafa shook his head, just a little. It didn’t make sense. Why couldn’t people like who they wanted? “I mean, sure other people might think it’s a bit weird,” he said after a moment. “But maybe they’re the weird ones, you know?” He chewed his lip in thought for a second. “I like boys, too,” he added. “Boys and girls. It’s not different, or – or wrong.” Rafa huffed aloud, still searching for the words. “I don’t know,” he finished. “It’s not fruit –“ he tried to remember what exactly what Gem had said, his nose scrunching up in thought. Oh, screw it. “Whatever you said.” He tried to portray his indignance through his face, a look of worry resting on his features.

interacting w/ @Rafael D'Spacito

Gem felt horrible, suddenly, when he'd realized how hard he freaked out. There wasn't anything wrong with liking boys, he'd been raised with that - that it was just as normal as a boy liking girls. He supposed it was just the fear he derived from muggles, the way he was taunted for being more girly, less... well, manly, he supposed. He played football, was quite good at it, kicking the ball into the goal, but he never liked anything else. He liked to read, he liked to write, he liked Oscar Wilde and always said so. He liked what he liked, and he was called gay for it. He supposed it was funny at one point, but now? It was causing him emotional dystrophy. Turmoil.

"I don't think there's anythin' wrong wiv likin' boys," He exhaled, finally getting his hands off his face. "Not at all. Me dad's producer, he's bisexual, an' his drummer is gay, I- I don't know. I- wait, did you say ya liked boys, too?" He stopped, blinking back in mild surprise. He never liked the stigma that bisexual people acted a certain way, but... well, he never really got the idea Rafa was like that. He felt a lot more secure now, the fear went away - the only thing that didn't subside, though, was the butterflies.

"Uh, that's.. good." He smiled a bit, scooting back into place-- he was acting very coy, the way he rested his head back on Rafa's shoulder, the lingering effects of blush brightening up his face. "That's great, actually. Quite nice." He didn't say much else, other than the fact he knew, in a sense, he was in. For all he knew, this wouldn't amount to anything and they'd remain good friends... he hoped for that, but he knew his hormones and uncontrollable feelings said otherwise. He'd damn his brain chemistry to hell, if he could.

Working with @Gem Stuart

Gem looked a lot more comfortable now, his tense shoulders relaxing. “Uh, that’s… good.” He smiled a bit, which made Rafa’s heart beat a little faster. "That's great, actually,” he told Rafa. “Quite nice." Well, if this didn’t make Rafa happy, he wasn’t sure what would. The way Gem’s head was rested on his shoulder, a little shy smile on his face… Rafa just knew that, somehow, he’d be losing sleep over this guy.

The room settled into a kind of comfortable silence. He hoped it was comfortable to Gem, too. Comfortable had a very broad meaning for him – he could be standing in between two brawlers and still not really get worked up. It just wasn’t in him. But still… this was comfortable in a way he wasn’t really familiar with. He just liked it.

For a short moment, he began to think. It was after a few moments of pondering that he realized that he had heard Gem make a comment about a producer..and a drummer… Rafa didn’t like to admit it, but he could sing pretty well. His mom actually made him take piano lessons while he was getting homeschooled. It was kind of a guilty secret – he knew if any of his friends back home ever found out, they’d probably laugh at him or something. But here was Gem, with connections to music. Maybe this was someone he could talk to about his own secret.

Though, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he really didn’t know Gem at all. Now he really felt guilty. He thought maybe he should ask Gem about himself – he hoped it wouldn’t be too in-your-face. But really, he had to know.

Who was Gem?

“So, who are you, Gem?” he asked aloud, breaking the silence. “I mean, you’re smart – I know that much. And you’re pretty chill. But that’s really where my knowledge of you ends. So, who are you?” He gave Gem a little smile. “Anything I should know?”

He made this last comment in a kind of friendly, prodding way. His dad always told him that the best way to connect to people was to ask questions. Not your fists, he had told Rafa after his first day of first grade. Most of his other friends would just wrestle him to the ground in fits of laughter, but there were a few lonely boys that were shy of that kind of action. Rafa always felt kind of bad, alienating them from their activities. But really, what could he do? He had never been good at using his words.

He’d better learn fast, though, because Gem didn’t seem like the physical type. He seemed like the quiet, listening type, the ones that read books and write stories. If he ever hoped to really connect with Gem, he would need to ignore his instincts and focus on his words.

interacting w/ @Rafael D'Spacito

Gem, for the most part, relished in the brief silence they had going on. He was very good at talking, but he found himself enjoying silence every once in a while-- not that he wouldn't prefer some music, but silence never lied, as long as you understood the air around it. So when Rafa asked him who he was, he had to think for a minute. Who was he?

"That's a loaded question," Gem said, sitting up from his spot, off Rafa's shoulder. "Well, I can tell you who I am wiv no substance, first. I'm Gem Stuart, son of Jeff and Whitney Stuart, born in High Green Sheffield. Me dad, Jeff, is a musician, lead guitar an' singer for the Revolvers. I grew up around rock n' roll, magic, and deranged girls who liked to stick their candy in me hair," He thought for a minute, attempting to hold back the shit-eating grin pulling the corners of his lips upwards. "I decided that I wouldn't ever be a common person, and started ta play the piano and the guitar. I like how muggles do it, better, because they have better supplies. I wish I wos a muggle, sometimes. Usually, actually. Life is just so mooch more simple, there's better music..."

As Gem spoke, he laid himself down on his back and put his head in Rafa's lap, staring up at him introspectively.

"I only know how ta put my life on paper because me dad taught me how," he said, "And I intend ta use me words to spite everyone I've ever met." He couldn't not laugh, just a small snort that expressed the idea what he said was a joke. So dramatic, so dumb, he thought, blinking at one of the rusty old sinks in the corner.

"Right, I did my part, it's yer turn now. Who is Rafael, an' wot does he do, aye? Tell me about him." He reached up, lightly flicking the bottom of his friend's nose. There could be a million things Rafa had to say about who he was, and he'd listen until he was done. That was one thing about the Stuarts that was special -- listening, and being able to remember it. If you said it, they'd hear you until you were done, and they'd never forget it.

Working with @Gem Stuart

"That's a loaded question," Gem told him, and went off into explanation. Rafa found out that Gem was from Sheffield, England, and that his father was the lead singer for a band that Rafa was pretty sure he had heard of somewhere. He also learned that Gem grew up in a magical household, and that he played both the guitar and piano. Which, he wouldn’t lie, was pretty damn impressive. Sometime during their conversation, Gem had laid his head in Rafa’s lap. Rafa listened to his introduction, absentmindedly playing with his hair with a small smile. "I only know how ta put my life on paper because me dad taught me how," Gem said with a snort, "And I intend ta use me words to spite everyone I've ever met." Rafa actually laughed at him; it seemed out-of-character, but at the same time, made total sense to him. It was a feeling he wasn’t sure he could really explain.

"Right, I did my part, it's yer turn now,” Gem finished. “Who is Rafael, an' wot does he do, aye?” He flicked Rafa’s nose, and Rafa couldn’t help but snort, a massive grin on his face. It was as if his friend had taken a 180. Which, he wouldn’t lie, wasn’t unwelcome. Not in the least bit.

Rafa had to think for a moment before telling Gem about himself – making sure he had a steady filter on what he told his friend. “Well, hrmm…” he said, a playful look on his face. “I’m Rafael D’Spacito, son of Miguel and Camila. Lived in Argentina until I was eight. Was homeschooled in Barking up until I got my Hogwarts letter.” He decided to leave out the part about why he moved, or the fact that he really hadn’t been out of the house after moving. “As for what I like… well, I like fights.” He realized how bad that must have sounded. “Y’know, good-natured ones. Nothing that would hurt someone, of course. Well.. I play a lot of football. Pretty good on the PlayStation.” It occurred to Rafa that Gem probably didn’t know what that was. “Er… muggle things, you know.” He chewed his lip for a moment more, still messing with Gem’s hair. “Played piano for a bit. Sing, too. Haven’t really written anything, though. I’m not very poetic.” He chuckled at himself, scratching his neck.

He looked down at Gem playfully, laughing at how his hair was splayed out everywhere cutely. “You play piano, eh? Any good? Think you can show me a few things?” he asked jokingly. No doubt, he probably could, if he lived in such a musical family. “You should play for me some time,” he ended somberly. “I’d think you’d be pretty spectacular.”

Interacting w/ @Rafael D'Spacito

While Gem listened, he drummed his hands on his chest, a few small rhythmic thumps and not much else. He mentioned a few things he knew about, a few he didn't. PlayStation-- the fuck was that? He almost opened his mouth up to ask, but was promptly answered with 'muggle things'. No big deal, then, he assumed.

"You sing?" Gem murmured amusedly, raising his eyebrows. "Me too. Ya like music?" He puffed his cheeks out, wiggling around in his place like a happy little worm.

It wasn’t unusual for someone to ask Gem to play for them, except this time, he felt quite compelled to– not only that, but he’d be happy to.

“The only thing I’m confident I’m good at is piano, to be real honest wiv you,” he exhaled, “if I find a piano layin’ around, I’ll be happy ta play it for you. We’ll make it a date, even– fer now, you have to settle for my guitar. You can pick whether or not I use acoustic.”

“But I refuse ta be the only one performing. You’ve got to sing while I play, it’s only fair. I won’t accept anything else, no more, no less.” He was raising only one eyebrow now, mostly expecting Rafa to cave and accept that offer. After all, he had quite a nice talking voice, why wouldn’t he have a nice singing voice? Hell, maybe he’d be in an opera or something.

“By the way, joost wanna mention– I like fightin’ too, me n’ this kid Kyle? We scuff each other up a bit sometimes, if we ever get bored. Swear ta god that kid broke me nose at some point,” he lifted his hand, pointing at the fading purple hoop under his eye. “Where’d ya think I got these from? Bein’ all sexy and brave?”

Working with @GemStuart

“The only thing I’m confident I’m good at is piano, to be real honest wiv you,” Gem told Rafa. “If I find a piano layin’ around, I’ll be happy ta play it for you. We’ll make it a date, even– fer now, you have to settle for my guitar. You can pick whether or not I use acoustic.”

“I look forward to it,” Rafa told him. He looked at Gem, all happy and squirming. It made his stomach do a little somersault. “And use whatever you want, man. I just want to hear you play,” he added with a smile. The thought of listening the Gem's playing definitely put a smile on his face.

“But I refuse ta be the only one performing," Gem added. "You’ve got to sing while I play, it’s only fair. I won’t accept anything else, no more, no less.” He raised an eyebrow at Rafa, a funny look on his face.

Not that Rafa was uncomfortable with singing or anything, but… he just hadn’t ever really sung for anybody. Not even his parents. The thought of singing for Gem… it gave him an unsettling feeling.
Nonetheless, he felt it was only fair to agree to Gem’s standards. “Yeah, I’ll sing for you,” he said eventually, putting a goofy grin on his face. Gem was cool, he wouldn’t judge. Or so Rafa hoped.

“By the way,” Gem added, “Joost wanna mention– I like fightin’ too, me n’ this kid Kyle? We scuff each other up a bit sometimes, if we ever get bored. Swear ta god that kid broke me nose at some point,” he told him, gesturing to his fading black eye playfully. “Where’d ya think I got these from? Bein’ all sexy and brave?”

“Well, I figured as much!” Rafa joked, suddenly ruffling up Gem’s hair. The thought of Gem being comfortable with that kind of stuff… well, it relieved Rafa a lot. He let out a breath he didn’t even realize he had been holding. “I mean, can you see my reasoning?” He gestured towards Gem’s face with a grin. Kyle… he had heard that name. “Kyle DeRook? Isn’t he the Quidditch Captain or something?” He chewed his lip in thought. Quidditch seemed fun. “I’ve heard his name around. Sounds like a tough guy, you know?”[/color

interacting w/ @Rafael D'Spacito

"Oh, Kyle. Where do I even start wiv 'im... I swear ta god that kid's got bones made out ov steel, mate," Gem scrunched his nose up when Rafa ruffled his hair, half expecting his fingers to get caught in a tangle or something like that. "Yeh, Quidditch Captain fer Gryffindors. Makes me glad I don't have a knack fer sports, the very last thin' I want is ta be knocked out by someone like that lad. He'd throw a fookin' fit if Gryfs ever took a loss." He patted Rafa on the side of the cheek, grinning all big and cheeky. "You said sumfin' about sports, right? I bet you'd fit riiiight into Rook's little boot camp."

"That all aside, he's rough. Think he needs a hug, er' someone ta talk to... I've tried, but we always end up boxin' it out. I always come out like a damn junkyard car, n' he's fine, albeit a few bruises. Hate ta say it, but I worry about him sometimes..." He pressed his lips together, sort of chewing on his bottom lip on the inside of his mouth. Kyle... Jesus, that poor kid.

"An- Anyway, I guess we should start headin' out," Gem sat up, nearly slamming his head into the side of Rafa's face. He stood, dusting his trousers off before offering a hand to his newfound friend. "C'mon, I've got a test ta study for. Also... this bathroom reeks. We might need fookin' gas masks 'fore we can come in anytime soon."

Working with @GemStuart

"Oh, Kyle. Where do I even start wiv 'im... I swear ta god that kid's got bones made out ov steel, mate," Gem told Rafa, and then went on to explain who Kyle was. Rafa listened intently, laughing when Gem made a comment about boot camp. His assessment of Kyle seemed to be accurate; he was tough. He had heard about Kyle’s rough sort of personality, but now, he kind of saw the whole situation in new sort of light.

After a few moments, Gem finally ended his explanation. "An- Anyway, I guess we should start headin' out," he said, sitting up. Rafa narrowly avoided bashing heads with him. The Ravenclaw brushed off his lap and offered Rafa a hand. "C'mon, I've got a test ta study for,” he said brightly. “Also... this bathroom reeks. We might need fookin' gas masks 'fore we can come in anytime soon."

He had tried to forget about this tiny fact, but it had been damn near impossible. Plus, it was getting late. Rafa would need to get back to his dorm soon. “Yeah, man,” he said, taking the hand Gem offered him and lifting himself off the dirty ground. It occurred to him that he had never actually finished his Transfigurations homework. Oh, and he had left his books in the library. Fuck. He dusted off the back of his pants – the floors had been absolutely filthy – and straightened out his shirt. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” he asked. He hoped it wasn’t showing too much, but he really hoped he saw Gem again, more often than not.